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I do not own FMA, nor do I wish to.

This one was WAY longer than i had originally planned. Not that i ever really plan any of these chapters because i'm not an actual writer. Plus, i don't want to be.

I had intended to start this story similarly to the last one but it just turned out like this, so whatever.

Last one of the group post! Ready? Go!

This chapter has a 'G' rating, except language.

-.-.-.-.-. story -.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were after a murderer and with her promotion to Major she still needed help with this case. General Mustang had been assigned to assist her.

So here they were, two weeks into tracking a serial killer with no more leads to go on. It was hard to hide who you were when you were travelling and practically living with someone while simultaneously gathering evidence and watching your back. The stress gets to you, so in an attempt to blow off some steam, gather some leads, and just be herself for a bit, Ed decided to go out. She'd been doing it very occasionally at home, and here no one knew her at all and would hopefully be less risky.

Since the killer was mostly after women, they were usually weaker after all, "easy" targets, she informed Mustang he'd be eating dinner by himself and took off to find suitable clothing for her personalised undercover mission.

She was able to find a dress with loose short sleeves, which would hide the scars on her shoulder fairly well. The arm had been returned and she'd exercised it enough that most of the muscle mass was back. The dress was flexible and light so she could move around easily and fell just below her knees, added bonus: she could fight in it if she needed to. She'd even managed to find tall enough boots to hide her automail leg. They only had a slight heel on them so they were also good for any evasive action if it ended up being required. Finally, her last stop had been to a seamstress to hide pockets in her dress and boots. Large enough for pocket watch and cash. All set.

Just after 22h00 she left the hotel in her new outfit, deciding to leave her hair down and loose around her shoulders so she wasn't immediately recognisable. Once there, she didn't have any trouble getting into the bar, it was just a normal bar anyway, tables and chairs were off to the sides, the wooden dance floor was in the middle and the band was already set up and playing on the stage. It was only a bit busy and most people were in couples, news of the killer had stopped most single women from heading out without accompaniment.

She surveyed the place pretending to look for a friend while keeping an eye out for anything suspicious, anyone alone. But so far everyone had someone to talk to. Grumbling in feigned annoyance because she couldn't find this friend she ordered a drink from the bar and found a table in the corner to keep an eye on the door and dance floor. Unfortunately it meant the bar was slightly at her back but she could get up occasionally and look around again.

.-.

Mustang had had the same idea. He'd just started at a more questionable bar. In fact, it was so much of a dive that after only one drink he'd decided to ask around and see what other places would be more suitable. Maybe even have women at them, since this place clearly did not.

Turns out his bar-stool mate wanted to go party too, so they headed out into the night, and straight to the pub Ed was at.

They took spots at the bar and ordered before he surveyed the scene. Mustang realised his date was paying more attention to him than looking for single women. Interesting. How to dissuade him though? It would be hard to keep an eye out for trouble if someone was watching his every move.

On second thought, this might actually work out, he could keep an eye out on the dance floor if the place got a little busier and not seem like he was a creepy loner. Besides, this wasn't the first time he'd had male attention.

.-.

Mustang hadn't come in alone so Ed hadn't put much effort into looking them over. And since she'd rarely seen Mustang out of uniform, she didn't immediately recognise him.

Her routine had been to get up and around the pub, keeping an eye out while travelling from the bar to the bathroom and then back to her table alone. She was getting increasingly drunk and annoyed about this imaginary friend that hadn't shown up. It was an act of course, she'd order the drink, take a couple sips then dump it in the bathroom and fill it with water. She was even impressed with herself when she managed to keep up the act after recognising Mustang at the bar with someone that looked like a date. After that she'd kept an eye on him as well by sitting in a different location and pretending she forgot which table she'd originally been at, choosing a spot out of his line of sight just in case he recognised her.

She hadn't seen anything else suspicious all night, a few men had tried to approach her but left when she said she was too drunk. Maybe they didn't want to be mistaken for killers. Though she was also doing a very good job at grumbling to herself so she seemed unapproachable. This wouldn't deter someone looking for an easy target, but it would deter people that wanted a good time.

On her latest stumbling round trip of the pub she saw Mustang's date drop something into her superior's cup.

Aww crap.

She leaned against the bar and slowly dropped onto a bar stool so she could see where this was going. Mustang was too busy watching the crowd to notice. Only a couple of sips and a few minutes passed before Mustang looked to be at a stumble-home level of drunk.

Ed looked at the bartender, "cans i borrow yer phone to call mfriend?"

He brought it up on the counter for her and she took as long as she dared pretending to have trouble dialing Hawkeye. "Heeeyy giirll, where you at?"

The markswoman knew enough to go with it, "Just at home, what's up?"

"At home?! You sad you were gonna meet wf me at Joe's at tonight at 10.30 tonight. You promsd, you nthe giiirls! And now im here bymyslf."

"Oh, I'm sorry hun, I can't make it."

"Fine! Stay then! I'm leaving anway. Gonna go hom with drunk guy looks like a horse, nhis buddy. Yer fault."

Ed hung up before Hawkeye could laugh at her code name for Mustang.

"Phooey her" She mumbled. It looked like this guy was trying to get Mustang out of the bar.

Time to go.

She paid and followed them out, pretending to stumble every few steps just to keep up appearances. If this wasn't the killer and he was still inside, she wanted him to think she was leaving alone.

Mustang's date hadn't managed to get them very far away, and since no one followed her out of the bar, she might as well deal with this situation. She stumbled over to them and pretended to be looking for a good time.

"Heeeeyyy guys. Are you heading to the bar?" she pointed in the slightly wrong direction of the place they'd just left.

The suspect seemed slightly put out at being interrupted but responded, "Nah, we're just heading home, this is my brother. He had a bit too much to drink."

Ed giggled, "He looks plastered! Must have been a good night."

"He's a light weight so i'm trying to get him home." a creepy look passed over this face. "Want to help?"

She laughed again. "OK! But I have secret." she leaned in carefully and seriously, "I'm drunk too."

The suspect laughed with her, "That's ok, take an arm."

Together they staggered off the main road with Mustang between them. Only a few minutes and then off then into the woods? This was definitely looking like a real suspect now.

Mustang was totally out of it, eyes unfocused, mumbling.

Ed shrieked and dropped his arm before punching the General right in the stomach. "He grabbed my ass!"

Even in his haze, Mustang threw up.

"Oh My God! I'm so sorry!" Ed looked at the suspect with worry on her face. "Is he going to be ok? I didn't mean to hurt him! I'm so sorry man, time for home."

The suspect looked annoyed but let her stumble back over and take Mustang's arm again.

"If he grabs your ass again, you're just going to have to let him, he's drunk."

Ed saluted with her free hand, "Yes Sir!" and laughed.

A few minutes more and they were heading down a dark walk-way toward a small rickety house and dilapidated garage.

Ed giggled, "You left all the lights off! Were you not expecting to have to pick up your brother?"

"Not really. Come on inside, it's just upstairs to the left."

She helped Mustang up the stairs, maybe there was actually somewhere this idiot could lie down. She pretended to trip a few more times. "You better have more drinks to pay me after helping with this guy."

"Haha, sure sweetie, we've got some downstairs."

Ignoring the 'sweetie' part, it was 'we' that troubled her a little. The sentence would make sense if he lived with his 'brother' Mustang here, but if there was someone else in the house this might be more work than she'd originally thought.

"Yay! Drinks!"

They finally made it into the room and placed Mustang on the bed, he mumbled a bit, "Nooo… Ed… .le"

She laughed again, "Is your name Ed?!"

"Yeah, he thinks i'm in trouble for him being drunk."

Ed almost gave herself away in surprise at his ability to lie so easily and covered it by stumbling a couple steps back to lean against the wall. "Aww, man that sucks… you still got those drinks?"

This was going to be tricky. No doubt the killer had noticed that she was 'sobering up', she'd forgotten to slur her words since she left the pub. And aside from a roofied Mustang and her gut screaming at her to get out of there, she actually had no proof that this guy was the killer. Dark walkways and houses were not enough evidence and she'd have to investigate a bit more. Plus it'd be a bit more trouble to dispose of her drinks here.

She let the suspect guide her down the stairs, away from Mustang. Hopefully he puked up most of the pill, it must have been pretty potent to cause almost instant drunk-like behaviour. She hadn't even been sure he'd swallowed it to begin with but punching him had been the only thing she could think of to get rid of the poison.

They made it downstairs to the kitchen and the suspect poured them a couple of drinks. She noticed hers was definitely stronger. So much for talking until backup arrived.

Taking the offered glass she took a sip and slammed it back down on the table. "What is this?! Water?" She laughed, "Make a real drink! And where's your bathroom?"

The guy laughed at her and pointed down the hallway. She staggered in the general direction.

Perfect. Time to explore.

Completely understandable to check all doors. She opened and closed each one, even the bathroom door, until she found the basement. But how to check without getting found out?

Looking up she noticed that the light above her had a pull string. She pulled it to turn it on, then pretended to fall down the stairs. Her automail leg made enough noise when she wanted it to.

When she got to the dirt floor she lay down on her back at the bottom of the stairs and looked around. The suspect wouldn't take lo-"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I fell pulling on the bathroom string. I think I hit my head."

He looked at her from the top of the stairs but didn't come down to help her, "I'll go get my first aid kit."

Ed watched the door close and heard a key turn in the lock.

Well, guess this was it. She got up and dusted herself off, might as well have a look around now that she was locked in. Hopefully this guy came back for her and didn't start on Mustang.

She only had the one light at the top of the stairs but once her eyes got used to the dimness she could see well enough. Though at that point she kind of wished she'd not come here. Actual human remains were piled in the corner. She gagged and turned away. That only slightly helped though, there were sharp bloodied objects everywhere. A chair with nails in it, knives, hammers, an army helmet with screws in it. Ed was glad that only she was down here, if he was going to hurt Mustang he'd likely have to bring him here first.

A few minutes went by and this guy hadn't come back downstairs yet. Time to draw him back to her location just in case he was stabbing Mustang with something. Plus he'd need to be down here when Hawkeye and back-up arrived. Ed smirked to herself. "The girls" were only an hour out and it'd taken about a half hour to get to the house with a drunken Mustang including the stop for vomiting. Fifteen minutes to get up the stairs and back down again with drinks. She'd need to show them where they were. Normally she'd just turn this place into a fortress and sort things out from the inside but she wasn't sure what transmutation would do to this already run down farm house.

*clap* *slap* Ed slammed her hands into the basement wall. The earth shook slightly and if you looked outside a giant arrow had appeared above the house made from the side of the foundation wall, visible from at least the pub. Hopefully Hawkeye could see it in the dark.

The small earthquake also had the secondary desired effect of bringing mr. suspect back downstairs. All the way downstairs. Mistake.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

She was equally startled, "What that an earthquake?"

He seemed thrown off at her question.

"Oh wait, it was me."

*clap* *slap* her hands hit the dirt.

He sank into the ground up to his waist. No escaping from that.

She smirked at him before realising too late the gun in his hand. Stupid dark basement.

Ed tried to jump and dodge from her crouched position. Too slow. The bullet went right through her gut. She gasped in pain and fell over on the floor. Attempting one last transmutation while on the ground she managed to bring up a pretty solid dirt shield in front of her. If she stayed behind it maybe she could bleed out without having to look at this asshole.

Ed could easily hear the killer screaming at her as he fired his remaining shots into the wall at her back, but the only other sound was the buzzing in her ears from the pain. She did not hear Mustang come thundering down the stairs a few moments later, or feel him apply pressure until backup arrived. In fact, she let unconsciousness take her very quickly so her heart would slow and she didn't have to feel this pain anymore. Waking up could be a problem for another day... hopefully.

.-.

Mustang felt like he was losing his mind. This was a lot to take in for one night. His plan to stake out a couple of bars and check for suspicious activity was obviously not only his and while he wasn't exactly surprised that Ed was there doing the same, he'd damn near blown his own cover when the voice he heard at the bar turned out to be Ed, but as a woman. He also managed to hide his shock long enough to take a trip to the washroom before freaking out. Luckily his brain processed things very quickly and he was able to return in time to avoid suspicion.

Ed was a woman, and obviously she was here trying to act as bait. He watched her routine while entertaining his 'date', women don't order drinks then take them to the bathroom, they order after they return from the bathroom. She was pretty good at acting like a drunk girl though, even if she was only drinking water. His heart clenched every time a man approached her, thinking the killer had finally found his mark, and though there weren't many, he was relieved every time they left. Interestingly though she kept checking on him, there wasn't anything suspicious at this bar. No single men trying to pick up- oh. Idiot. He almost choked on his drink at the realisation, "I'm the target." Well, this was new, wasn't this usually Ed's luck? Not that he hadn't had male attention before, he'd always turned it down politely and moved on. This time he'd have to play along. At least he knew Ed had his back.

*plop* It'd only been an hour and Mustang heard the sound of something falling into his drink. Great. He probably had to drink that and pretend he hadn't noticed. He was pretty sure it wouldn't be immediately poisonous, that's not how the victims died. No, they died with holes in them, more than the usual amount. So at least that was… comforting.

He turned to his 'date' and smiled, then grabbed his drink and took a few sips. Let's get this over with. He waited a bit before letting his face sink into a buzzed happiness look. He heard Ed calling for backup and stalled a bit. Trying to tell a joke but forgetting all the words. His date laughed. "Ok buddy, time to get you home."

Mustang heard Ed end the call and decided he didn't need to actually talk to this guy, mumbling would work. He let himself be almost dead weight as they staggered toward the door. This was actually kind of funny, he'd get to be carried to his destination only to arrest the guy.

Continuing with the act he heard Ed come out and insinuate herself into their group. He was pretty impressed with her act. That is, until she shrieked, almost startling him out of his fake haze and then punched him in the gut. He threw up and almost fell over. Gate DAMMIT that HURT!

Ed was already apologising and resuming her help drunkenly assisting them. At least now he didn't have to fake the stumbling. He'd get her back for that. Though, when he thought about it, he hadn't noticed any time passing between the bar and wherever they were now, so maybe it was better that he threw that drug up. Wait, did that mean Ed didn't know he was faking it? Crap, that means she thinks she's in this alone, she's going to take more risks.

He made them lift him up the stairs, payback for Ed punching him in the gut, even if she really did do it to save his life. Then tried to tell her she wasn't alone and mask it with sleep talking. Though his mouth actually didn't work right and it sounded more like 'No.' instead of the 'not alone. stay out of trouble.' which he was going for. Man, what WAS actually in that drink? He'd thought it was a roofie type thing but maybe it was a paralytic instead. He supposed if it was a paralytic and he drank it, it would make sense his capacity for speech went first. Damn. He waited patiently while they headed downstairs, knowing he could leave Ed to distract this guy while he checked upstairs for evidence or victims or hostages. Basically anything to prove he was actually the killer.

Moving his limbs was a bit more effort than he thought it should be but he managed. That and his gut hurt. He searched the second floor fairly easily, most doors upstairs had enough holes he didn't even have to open them, and the attic wasn't even locked so he barely had to check, killers didn't generally keep bodies in unlocked rooms. He went in the door and up a few steps to check just in case, just as he heard something like a body falling down the stairs. Was that Ed? Was it on purpose? He waited quietly, no screaming, faint talking. Ok, still good. He took a step and froze. Sounded like the killer was coming back upstairs. But where was Ed? He stayed silent, listening to see if he'd need to fight.

Suddenly the earth shook.

That had to be Ed.

He heard the killer run back down the stairs and decided the game was over. He fished his gloves out of his pants pockets and tried to go downstairs slowly and quietly. His limbs had almost returned to normal.

Mustang was even most of the way to the main floor before he felt the second earthquake, he only had the one step to fall. He cursed Ed then froze as he heard the gunshot.

No!

He bolted around the corner and down the only hall. There! An open door and stairs, supposedly what Ed fell down. Hearing the killer screaming at her and the last of the shots ring out he flew down the stairs. A half buried serial killer and a small wall of bullet holes. Please Ed please please be all right. He vaulted over the wall and his heart stopped. So much blood. Oh fucking Gate. So much blood. She wasn't moving, completely unconscious. Hopefully not dead. Not dead. Not dead. Not dead. His brain repeated it for him as he looked around frantically for something, anything to stop the bleeding. Why the fuck were there so many knives?! Dammit! His hand kept the pressure on Ed's wound as he searched the area.

Finally! A hammer! No blood on it. Not evidence. He heated it until it glowed and apologised before stuffing a corner of his jacket into her mouth and pressing it into Ed's skin. She woke up screaming. Teeth clenched on the cloth.

When she finally unclenched her jaw there were tears streaming down her face, he removed the jacket and looked into the most beautiful, trusting, pain-filled eyes he'd ever seen. She whispered, "the bullet went straight through."

He nodded and put the cloth back in her mouth. Rolling her over slightly he heated the hammer again and cauterised the hole in her back.

Ed screamed until she passed out.

Mustang couldn't find the strength to move. It seemed like hours had gone by before he heard Hawkeye's team enter upstairs. They followed the sound of maniacal laughter to the basement and found Mustang sitting with Ed in his lap. She was barely breathing and he was staring dead eyed at the wall of bloodied knives.

Paramedics were summoned and they transported Ed to the nearest hospital, she'd need a lot of blood judging by what was on the floor. Riza hoped they'd arrived in time.

She helped her boss up off the ground and wrapped him in a blanket, he looked pretty pale even in the dim light.

"I fucked up Ri-a. I ws a target, Ed ws lone. Tried tsave me. Fucked up sbad."

This was new to Hawkeye, as much as she knew about her commander, he was usually on emotional lock down when things upset him. And he definitely didn't slur his words like this. Better get him to the hospital too, he didn't seem injured but maybe he'd hit his head.

They could sort it all out there.

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Ok! That was fun right? There's probably a sequel here but i'm REALLY bad with endings. Tying up loose ends is annoying and always seems so contrived when i do it.

This is it for now. See you in a couple years!