-.-.-.-.-. notes -.-.-.-.-.-.-

I do not own FMA, nor do I wish to.

italics are inside thoughts.

-.-.-.-.-. story -.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ed had an itch to scratch. Something her transmuted objects could no longer help her with. Something she was hoping a night at the bar could fix. After all, she lived alone now, had her own shop, and no one from the office had even come by to say hello. It hurt her heart a little but she couldn't control other people so maybe it was better to move on. The one time she'd gone to the office they'd just stared at her, well, she'd been dressed as a boy at the time, so they'd stared at him but no one had said they missed her or wanted to come by or tried to plan lunch. So she'd left with her heavy heart and opened her shop.

That was in the past now, she'd sulked for two weeks and needed to burn off some energy and feel better about herself. There was a bar she'd heard about in passing, sounded like a good place, close to her apartment. Nicer area of town.

She just needed to dress up a little. Probably that simple blue dress that she'd purchased while shopping with Winry. A light blue a-line style that went to her knees, boots to cover the automail. Hair down. The mirror said she looked good enough to accomplish her "mission" so off she went.

She'd done this before, on real solo missions while her brother stayed back at the library and she had a hotel room to herself, but never in Central. So hopefully this bar had what she needed.

-.-.-

Joe was spending another Saturday at the pub. An empty stool between him and Pervert Pete as they cozied up to the bar. He considered himself good looking and sitting next to Pete probably made him look better, so that was a bonus, but the bar's population of women had died down the last few weeks and his prospects for a fun evening weren't looking very good.

That is, until she walked in. Hot damn maybe his luck was changing. He crossed his fingers she chose his side of the bar and almost fell over when she started heading his way. Look at those boots!

-.-.-

Ed walked in and saw two likely candidates right off the bat. Perfect. She wandered over and took a seat between them. The first one was a bit weird and kept staring at her and not speaking so she turned to her left and struck up a conversation.

Soon enough she learned his name was Pete and he was single. Everything was going smoothly when Pete suddenly seemed to have a moment of clarity and glared at her, "Are you Ed? The FullMetal Alchemist?"

She blushed. Why yes, yes she was.

Pete suddenly had something else to do.

Ed stared after him as he took off to a far corner of the bar. What was that all about? She turned to her right, well at least there was option two.

-.-.-

Joe could not believe she'd chosen Pete to talk to first, what the shit luck was that? But then Pete had uncharacteristically run off looking terrified. Whatever his problem was, Joe was back in the game.

"What happened to him?"

"I assure you i have no idea. I'm Joe."

"Hi Joe." She shook his hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Edaline. But you can call me Ed."

Joe was halted for a moment by her golden eyes. Ed. His smile faltered for a moment. Ed with golden eyes. Where had he heard that description before?

"Do i know you from somewhere?"

She shrugged, "Maybe." But gave no further clues.

He was impressed she stayed and talked to him, he was even more impressed he was able to keep up a conversation with her while half of his brain tried to figure out where he knew her.

Until she crossed her legs under the bar and hit her knee on the support beam without flinching.

"Didn't that hurt?"

"No, it's automail."

Joe's pleasant smile froze on his face. Automail, Ed, golden eyes. This was THE FullMetal Alchemist. He was a she. This wasn't in the papers. Who knew about this? Surely it would have been in the papers! Maybe he was wrong, yeah, he was just mistaken.

"Did you used to work in the military?"

She looked guilty. "I did until a month ago."

Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Was THE FullMetal Alchemist hitting on him? He loved strong women, but this particular woman could literally bury him in the earth if she wanted. By clapping her hands!

Joe was suddenly very sure he didn't want to be at the bar anymore, a feeling that quadrupled in intensity when he saw Mustang, a bar regular, saunter in. Wasn't he FullMetal's supervisor? Were they trying to pull something on him? Joe's heart dropped into his gut and he realised Edaline was waving a hand in front of his face.

"Are you ok? I'm out of the military, they don't have anything to do with me anymore."

Joe heard her talking but was watching Mustang. He watched him buy a drink, saw him check out the room, saw the moment Mustang noticed the girl and turned to walk in their direction.

Joe stared in horror, a smile still stuck on his face, as Ladykiller Mustang came up beside Ed.

"Hey Joe! Introduce me to your pretty friend!"

This was too much. Mustang came in and stole women from him all the time, but even to the untrained eye everything was about to go very wrong. Just the sound of Mustang's voice had escalated the situation.

The issue wasn't that Joe was talking to Ed, it wasn't that Ed was hitting on Joe, it was that as soon as she'd heard Mustang's voice her eyes had gone wide and she'd frozen in fear. Which, in Joe's opinion, could only mean that Mustang didn't know FullMetal was a woman.

Joe ran for it. There were no other options where he saw his life lasting longer than the next five minutes. Maybe he could join Pete in the corner and hope neither Alchemist noticed him ever again.

-.-.-

Mustang watched Joe mumble something that sounded like, "didn't touch her" before grabbing his drink and running for the shadows. Which was weird, usually they had a macho sparring contest to pretend to impress the lady. Now this blonde woman was all alone. Though strangely she hadn't turned to acknowledge him, and her hair was shielding her face from him.

"May i buy you a drink?"

"No I'm good i have to go."

Mustang put a hand on her shoulder when she tried to get up, her voice seemed higher pitched than it should be, in fear maybe?

"Did that guy offend you? I can make him apologise if you'd like."

"No no I need to get out of here. I'm fine, please leave."

Weird. Wait, were those scars on her shoulder? He moved his hand to get a closer look. "Is someone hurting you?"

"No it's fine."

"Miss, it's ok. Look at me. I can help." Mustang sat in Joe's chair and spun Ed's stool to face him. Her head was still down, hair blocking his view.

"I really don't think you can."

"Miss I'm in the milita-"

Mustang's words died in his throat as he moved her chin upward and into view.

This was not a damsel in distress. This was blonde haired, golden eyed, automail scarred Ed. In a dress. In a bar. Trying to pick up Joe.

Mustang wasn't sure which part he was the most mad about.

He let go of her chin. At least she wasn't saying anything, just watching with those damn gold eyes.

The entire bar seemed to have frozen in silence, waiting while Mustang processed what he was seeing. Eventually his anger caught up to him and he got up, throwing Ed over his shoulder as he headed for the door. Ignoring her colourful protests.

-.-.-

Joe listened to them scream at each other in the alley, immensely glad he'd decided to bail out earlier. He was pretty sure Roy wasn't going to hurt her. She was still his subordinate wasn't she? Sort of? Even if she quit Joe was mostly sure that Roy would feel obligated to take care of her. Probably. He heard a smack then felt a rumble, then Mustang swearing as Ed's uneven footsteps took off. Good, she got away.

Now he just had to find a new place to drink.

-.-.-.-.-. notes -.-.-.-.-.-.-

I was trying to think of a good way to end this, then realised that this is probably as good as it's going to get and to just stop. No cut-scene to the alley for a first person argument we've done over and over. Plus, it was really trying to turn into a sexy alleyway thing and i suck at writing those.

Blah.