-.-.-.-.-. Notes -.-.-.-.-.-.-

I do not own FMA, nor do I wish to.

italics are inside thoughts.

-.-.-.-.-. Story -.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ed woke up and immediately knew she was in trouble. Not the kind of trouble that caused personal bodily harm, the other kind of trouble, that would have her commanding officer screaming at her in his office for hours while she counted ceiling panels.

Though, it was ex-commanding officer nowadays, she was still pretty sure she was going to get dragged in there until Mustang's anger had exhausted itself.

She stared at the clock on her nightstand. Almost 7am. Annoying, Saturday was for sleeping in.

At least she didn't have to think about getting her shop opened for the day. And since that was one less problem she let her brain jump back over to the Mustang issue and remembered why she was going to be in trouble.

-.-.-.-

Friday evening was a girl's night, a brand new idea after quitting the military, so she and Hawkeye were going to meet up for a show and then go out for drinks. She planned on wearing the dress she'd bought on their last outing, and with her hair down and some tall boots, no one should be able to recognise her.

The plan started to fall apart around 16:00 when she got bored and decided to dress up early and meet Hawkeye at work. Usually the guys were gone by 17:00 and Mustang slept on his desk until 18:00. If she could arrive at 17.30, then she'd miss everyone and get to hang out with Hawkeye incognito. Plus, she kind of wanted to test her disguise.

So she'd dressed and prepped and left to meet Hawkeye at work. How was she supposed to know that Riza had said 'girls night' out loud, that the guys had hung around to question the sharpshooter about who exactly her girlfriends were, and that their noise had kept Mustang awake and curious.

So when she opened the door to the outer office and found 6 pairs of eyes staring at her, she didn't have a girly reaction planned. It could be argued that because Ed is a girl, any reaction she would have would be girly, but in this instance her reaction was very typical of 'boy Ed'.

"What the fucking hell do you idiots want?"

The collective sound of jaws dropping was eclipsed only by the sound of Riza's facepalm.

Ed immediately realised her mistake, "Shit." She stepped back and shut the door. Forget that nonsense. Time to go. She turned, then realised she couldn't leave Hawkeye in there to deal with the fallout by herself. Well, she could, but it would be a crappy thing to do.

Ed steeled herself and opened the door again. She marched into the room, grabbed Riza, and dragged her out past the still stunned team.

They were halfway down the hall before they heard Mustang yelling after them, "FULLMETAL GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

The women exchanged a glance and bolted. Better get to Riza's place so the lieutenant could change before their night out. Maybe they'd escape before he checked there.

They did not.

The show wasn't for another hour so Riza took her time, though in truth, she wanted Ed to talk to Mustang now so she didn't have to deal with it on Monday. It was Ed's secret after all and Ed needed to handle the fallout.

When they left Riza's apartment building Mustang was there, sitting on a bench by the door lost in his thoughts. Ed didn't want to move forward after spotting him and had stopped in her tracks. Riza shoved her into motion. "You can do this. Just tell him the truth and then we'll go. I think he's more mad at himself for not realising, though it'll probably be directed toward you." She mumbled the last part and Ed glared at her, still not moving.

Mustang made the decision for her when he finally noticed them and got up to drag her off to a corner of the front courtyard. He seemed angry but patient.

"What the hell Ed? This is insane. Please explain to me, in simple terms, why you thought it was necessary to join the military as a boy."

Ed was flustered, she'd practised this speech a hundred times and now that there was a chance to use it, it had flown from her mind. She gaped at him for a moment until Mustang shut her mouth for her. Lifting her chin up and running a thumb over her throat. It was intrusive but he'd gotten irritated at her trying to find a response and had decided to start his own investigation.

He'd been looking for an Adam's apple or some indication that he hadn't been lied to, what he got was a completely unexpected reaction. Ed made a strange noise. Mustang looked at her face, then to where his hand was. He applied the slightest amount of pressure and Ed whined, actually whined, like a puppy. He grinned a very evil grin and let go.

It took Ed a few breaths to regain awareness of her surroundings and she jumped backward into a fighting stance. "The fuck did you do?"

Mustang put his hands behind his head, "Nothing. See you ladies later. And Ed, report to my office Monday morning. Be ready to explain yourself. I'm still very angry you lied to me." He headed off into the evening, whistling to himself.

Hawkeye sighed from her spot on the bench. From what she knew, Ed had little to no experience with men and the girl had just shown all her cards to a very perverted cheshire cat. Hopefully she could still focus for the show. Riza got up and walked over, brushing off Ed's questioning glance. "I cannot explain General Mustang, and we'd better get going or you're not going to have time to buy popcorn."

She watched as Ed shook off her confusion.

"Popcorn!" And Ed took off, dragging Riza with her for the second time.

The show was great. The popcorn was great. The beer at the bar around the corner afterward was great. Ed even managed a feat that many had attempted and none had succeeded in, she got Hawkeye drunk. Well, not entirely her, and not entirely drunk. Ed was pretty sure Riza's smiley attitude had more to do with the sudden appearance of Havoc than any alcohol content in the drinks. Ed suspected the markswoman had let the location slip on purpose so that Jean would join them. So she pretended to have a round with them, water for herself, and as soon as she could she made a lame excuse and headed home. Third wheel to those two was awkward.

The trip was uneventful and Ed felt a bit lonely walking home, so her thoughts focused on the same thing they usually focussed on at this time of night: Roy Mustang. She knew she had a crush on him and shivered as she remembered their earlier encounter. The feel of his hand on her skin…

She shook her head and scowled as she remembered his order to be in the office. Jerk. She had a shop to run and even though she'd left the military months ago he was still trying to order her around. And since it was easier being mad at him than being honest with herself, she tried to stay focussed on that as she arrived home. Tomorrow she could sleep in and figure out what she needed to say.

-.-.-.-.-

Ed rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Trying to think of how she would explain last night to Mustang. He was an ass, yeah. But he hadn't done anything to warrant this level of betrayal from her.

She played through the evening's events a few more times. Her brain lingering on the incident outside Riza's apartment. Ed's body tingled as she remembered the dream she had. The same dream she always had after arguing with Roy Mustang. Where he arrived on her doorstep and invited himself in, cursing her lies until she'd kiss him just to shut him up. It would become more heated as they fumbled up the stairs to her apartment above the shop. Finally they'd end up in bed doing unspeakable things to each other. Sexy unspeakable things.

And now she'd have to go into the office on Monday and try to explain herself while last night's dreams played themselves over and over in her head. She'd have to meet his eyes and tell him the truth about who she was and try to not picture him naked. With his muscles and his smile and those lips...

She grumbled and swore, "Fuck me."

An arm reached out from the covers beside her and wrapped itself around her waist, dragging her under the comforter. Suddenly Mustang's voice was in her ear. "Yes ma'am. And for the record, this is still not a dream."