notes: i was three paragraphs into reading this and verifying that it was good enough to post, then lost interest.

so i guess just live with it. maybe one day i'll fix it, or maybe one day i'll decide it's crap and bring this whole thing down.

STORY

!*-*-*

The fight in the courtyard at Eastern Command had been revealing to Mustang in several ways. The first way, while obvious to most, was that Ed could fight really well. The second was that Mustang clearly had a few mental issues to work on. And the third: Ed was a girl.

That final, and perhaps most important revelation couldn't be reacted to right away and had to be pushed to the back of Mustangs mind for a few hours while winners were decided and Bradley subjected everyone, re: troublemakers, to cleanup duties. So while Ed pretended everything was fine and snuck nervous glances at her commanding officer, Roy decided it might just be better punishment to let her work herself into a ball of nerves.

It worked, and several hours later while they were digging the yard back into order she finally flipped out and went on a tirade about perverts for fifteen minutes. He ignored her until eventually she calmed down and stopped calling him names. It wasn't his fault he'd grabbed her chest, it had been dusty and smokey and she'd been in the way, so he'd met her glare with his own then turned around and kept digging. He'd keep her damn secret until she'd accomplished her goal so she might as well shut up and help fix the yard.

!*-*-*

Her lie wasn't spoken of again until over a year later when he'd been yelling at her for some reason or another in his office. He was tired of her childish antics and told her to grow up, that teenagers needed to have a better grasp of the world. Ed had blushed and looked away. Which was a suspicious response, and when his brain finally clicked in understanding Mustang swore at her before asking how old she actually was. He gaped at the four year difference then kicked her out, being older made her actions worse.

After that though, something had changed, he'd catch himself staring at her from across the room, or holding a door for her. He could sense it wasn't unwanted, but knew she didn't have time to entertain those thoughts, she needed to get her brother back together.

!*-*-*

And that's the way it stayed for another year, until the day Mustang was forced through his Gate, Al disappeared into his, and Ed… Ed transmuted her own fucking self through hers.

He would swear later that his heart had stopped and didn't start again until she'd reappeared. The moments of black stillness while everyone waited, not knowing what to do, unable to see, were some of the worst he'd known in a very long time. Then he felt it, a small snap in energy, and Hawkeye's huff of relief confirmed it. Ed was back.

And from the crowd's reaction, Al was with her.

He was able to negotiate his way forward with Riza's help and then she left him to it. Moving away to check on Alphonse and get May to give him some space. He could hear the medics running over with a stretcher. The fuss and commotion as Ed furiously argued with them about how much care Al needed before her brother was bustled off. Then suddenly Ed's arms were around him, he knew it was her, short and warm and soft. He hugged her back and it was a few moments before she started to pull away, he was about to protest but he felt her fingers slip into his and he held on.

And that was that. They were done with their travels.

His eyesight returned with the help of Marcoh's stone and two years later Ed was Mrs Edaline Mustang, professor of Alchemy, Maths, and Sciences at Central University. Though her teaching name was Miss Elric. The news reports had gone out that Edward had died to save his brother, which was partially true. She'd traded her ability to do alchemy for her brother's life; a choice she would make a hundred times over, and Edward never really existed, so they'd announced his death and moved on.

Moving on meant finding a job that didn't require alchemy, but fortunately, despite her young age and lack of formal schooling, she was very good at memorizing text on the first try and almost as good at recalling it. So after getting some certificates to prove her knowledge, she was able to get an Education degree and began teaching several classes in the same semester, the most popular being Alchemical Theory.

Occasionally her calm-and-collected-except-where-she-was-concerned husband would show up under the guise of keeping an eye on the university's teachings and sit with an "auditors" sign at the back of the class with his paperwork. She'd roll her eyes at him each time but say nothing.

Today was one of those days, it would be embarrassing except very few people at the university knew she was married, a few teachers, the dean, and her teaching assistant. So to keep up pretenses she never approached Roy while he was there. She didn't want to be a political figure and stayed off the radar while she could, and while Roy finished his personal mission to help the Ishvalans before moving his way up the chain. She knew she'd eventually have to step into the light as the wife of the head of state, but not yet. Ed looked back at her husband doing paperwork and shook her head at herself.

This morning's visit was because she'd told him about a possible stalker in her classroom. The boy was in all her classes and seemed to run into her at least once a day. Usually not a problem, she still had great senses and reflexes so he was easy to avoid but she'd let her concerns out at home and Roy immediately went into over protective mode. And now here he was. She turned her back to the class as she lectured so she could draw an array on the chalkboard, she would be more upset with him except that on the way into the classroom an hour ago, she'd heard someone say "tranquilizer" and it had startled her. She was definitely more cautious now that she didn't have alchemy, and while hearing about tranquilizers was common with the veterinary sciences building next door, hearing about them outside her door when she had a stalker wasn't.

She shivered thinking about the last few articles she'd read in the paper about missing women, glad she was still facing the chalkboard. Not being able to do alchemy sucked, but at least she still had her fighting skills.

!*-*-*

Roy watched as Ed hesitated in her writings, narrowing his eyes at her as she shook off a shiver. He knew she was more worried than she wanted to admit or she never would have told him about the stalker to begin with. He mapped her movements around the room and noticed she was avoiding one section at the front, not taking questions from brown-hair-and-glasses or his two friends until there was no other hand in the air, leaving her assistant Matthew to take their homework and give handouts. Multiple suspects, he'd have to call his team in for this. The group matched the description Ed had eventually shared with him last night, she'd mentioned the stalker then immediately backpedaled when he started questioning her, he'd had to torture her to get the specifics, using techniques he'd developed specially for Ed that involved their bed, handcuffs, and a blindfold. Good god he loved this woman. He let his mind wander, class was two hours long. There'd be time during her afternoon classes for him to get to work on background checks and see if there were similarities between these people and the few descriptions they had from the other attacks and kidnappings.

After class he met her on his way out the door to "thank her for her cooperation" and let her know he'd be back before the end of her last class, then felt his heart clench when she relayed the "tranquilizer" conversation she'd heard. Tranquilizer definitely fell into the "planned kidnapping" M.O. but it was Ed's ridiculous plan that caused him to feel panicked. She wanted him to let her get kidnapped and then follow from a distance.

It was a good plan, for being so on-the-spot, and his only problem with it was that it involved her. He stared at her as his emotions and logic fought it out. Eventually logic won, they needed to find the hideout of these assholes and Ed was a highly trained, highly intelligent, ex-military Major.

She saw the final acceptance in his eyes and hugged him. It was only Matthew at the far end of the room now anyway. He was trusting her to not get into trouble until he got back.

!*-*-*

Ed watched him head off down the hall and sighed. Two classes to go, as long as she stayed in the office or classroom she should be ok until he got back. She admitted to herself that, without alchemy, her plan worried her a little, but others had been kidnapped and she had to do what she could. She had two classes to prepare.

Matthew saw her distress, "Hey, are you ok? You seemed distracted this morning. Usually that group doesn't get to you so much."

Ed shook her head. "It's fine." She waved it off and headed for her desk and lunch. "I'll just stay inside until he gets back."

"Packed lunch is boring! Let's go for a coffee before afternoon shift. I'll buy. It's just across the street. You can see it from here."

Ed opened her desk drawer then looked around, "I guess i have no choice, i forgot lunch today."

Matthew smiled and grabbed his coat, "Fantastic! Let's go then."

!*-*-*

Mustang was having trouble leaving the building, something felt wrong, and with Ed he'd found that instincts were everything. If you felt like you needed to be somewhere, then you should be there. Right now his Ed radar was going crazy, it was getting worse with every step that took him farther from her classroom, making him move more and more slowly until he stopped. He looked at his feet, currently immobile, then turned and watched Ed's door for a full minute before he saw her walk out, looking down the hall both ways, Matthew right behind her. Hadn't she seen him? He stepped back behind a student as Matthew looked around and followed her down the hall. Shit. This was too many coincidences. He watched as they rounded the corner and went outside. There was no time to call the team now.

Ed had felt 'off' from the moment Matthew had suggested leaving the classroom, her missing lunch bag confirmed it. So she'd played along, hoping Mustang hadn't gotten too far down the hallway. He hadn't, she'd seen him and turned the other way feeling infinitely better. He'd follow her for sure.

Lunch at the cafe was a bit awkward, she wasn't sure where Roy had hidden himself and she wasn't very good at fake conversations. Matthew looked like he'd decided she was just anxious about being out of her classroom. Good, hopefully they could get this over with quickly.

Lunch finished and they left the cafe, Matthew made some excuse to see a couple shops down the street, she felt his arm drop over her shoulder to guide her away. Ed gave a token protest before allowing herself to be led in the wrong direction, knowing she was walking into a trap. They got two storefronts down before Matthew shoved her into an alley. She'd been expecting the alley, not the shove, and tumbled ungracefully into the shadows.

Matthew called in after her, "Make it quick guys, she's already on guard."

Ed recovered quickly, rolling back into a fighting stance. "I'm going to kick your ass, Mustang is going to kick your ass, and then you're going to j-". They cut her off with an electrical jolt to her automail leg, collapsing her quickly to the ground. She saw a shadow lean over her and Matthew's voice. "It's really weird when you call your husband by his last name, even when you're in trouble. You know his first name is shorter, right?"

The nerves connected to her automail were sending such an intense pain signal that it was all she could do to focus on breathing. It was too much effort to respond.

But Matthew wasn't waiting for a response, "Though it's not too strange considering who you are. FullMetal."

She caught her breath long enough to swear at him so they shocked her again.

"Hurry with the tranquilizer! We were followed to the cafe but I snuck her out when no one was watching."

Ed felt a pinch in her arm and the world started to tilt. "Ass..h...o….l…..e…...s."

Good old fashioned trouble, just like old times.

!*-*-*

Ed regained consciousness in what looked like a root cellar. Her entire body was sore and her hands were tied behind her back. There were no windows, just a hanging light powered by a car battery on the ground. It would probably be used to hurt her later, but at least she had light. And she was alone.

Shouldn't there be a guard? And where the hell was Mustang anyway? She couldn't just make a door anymore. Ed tried to get her hands free, succeeding first at getting them in front of her then popping her shoulder back into place afterward.

She unhooked the light from the low ceiling and looked around. Odd that they would leave her long enough to regain consciousness unattended, how long had she been out? Hours? She wasn't hungry yet, so not too long.

Well, when they came back they were getting this light bulb in an eye socket. Then she'd electrocute them and see how they liked it.

Actually, scratch that, there's the stairs.

She made it up one step before the earth rumbled around her and she fell back on her ass. That could only mean one thing, and the silence from upstairs told her it wasn't the first alchemically created quake to occur recently. Time to join the party. She got back to her feet and made it up the stairs, kicking the flimsy door open with her automail.

Nothing. Emptiness. An empty room? Storage? Where the hell was she?

Another quake shook the floor and she wondered if that's what had woken her up. She braced herself against the wall and found a light switch, smirking at her luck. "Ed's luck" she called it. Though Mustang had called it "dumb luck" once and she'd smacked him.

She flicked the switch on and swore. So much for 'empty room', seven other kidnapped women were huddled in the far corner. Her escape suddenly turning into a rescue operation, though they seemed afraid of her.

She eyed them up, focusing on the few that seemed to have a grasp on the situation, "Which way is out?"

They pointed.

She grumbled, of course the steel door, there were two other doors but it had to be the steel one, "ok follow me."

The girls weren't sure where to follow her, it was locked, they'd checked. Ed's ego puffed up as they watched, first in confusion, then in awe as she went over and kicked a few dents into it until the hinges popped out. Then kicked it the rest of the way open. She was going to owe Winry for a new foot after this.

The door opened into chaos. Military blue and thug brown were fighting all over the place. She was actually surprised at how big of an operation this was. Were there more women here somewhere?

She stepped back as brown-hair-and-glasses ran passed, followed closely by Havoc. The startled blond skidded to a halt and saluted her. "Sir, you're needed outside. Immediately please." His voice dropped to a worried tone, "they said you were dead." Then he took off after the escaping thug.

Dead?! They said I was dead?!

Shit. She was about to run for the front door at the end of the hallway, Roy was going to kick her ass, then stopped. She could hear the frightened women behind her. Go slow and get everyone to freedom. Turning back she nodded at the women before marching forward.

Fortunately she only had to roundhouse kick four people into the floor on her way out of the building, and then finally, there was Mustang. Across the yard and swaying on his feet with Hawkeye right behind him. It looked like he'd 'pulled an Ed' and walled the entire property up. It took a lot of energy but at least no one was escaping. She wondered what he'd done to Matthew.

That answer came very unexpectedly when an arm wrapped around her chest and arms, followed by the warmth of a recently fired gun muzzle pressing into her temple.

Matthew's voice rang out above the fighting as he dragged her to the side of the house to put his back against a sheltered wall. "Everyone stop or i shoot FullMetal's brains out!"

The fighting stopped, some in shock because wasn't fullmetal dead? and Roy's attention turned from the fight at the wall and focused entirely on Ed and Matthew. He sized up the situation and she saw his shoulders relax. Ed smiled at him. They both knew she was very flexible. Bracing her real leg she kicked her left leg hard and straight up into the splits, perfectly connecting and breaking Mathew's nose. When he predictably loosened his grip on her, she spun and kneed him between the legs, then grabbed his gun arm and broke it.

He screamed at her and she barely dodged a knife she hadn't known about in his other hand and then Roy was there, pinning and handcuffing the still screaming Matthew. When he was done he got up to inspect her injuries.

With his hands finally around her Ed's relief was obvious but she didn't want to show how scared she'd been on the inside. "Nice job on the wall Mustang."

The relief on his face probably matched hers. "Thanks. I liked your high kick."

She rolled her eyes at him. Her adrenaline was wearing off and her hands were starting to shake. Shock was taking over. "Can we go?'

He didn't need anything else and scooped her up. "I am never letting you do anything like this again."

She snorted at him, "Yes you are."

"Nope. I'm taking you home and tying you to the bed and throwing away the key."

"Ropes don't have keys Roy."

"Shut up Ed."

The banter was helping her calm down and he knew it. "I have to put you down to open the wall up a bit. Can you try not to get kidnapped in the next fifteen seconds?"

She found her footing, "Ha ha. Jackass."

Then she was in his arms again and on the quiet side of the wall. He couldn't leave the site yet, not until he'd removed the wall, but he didn't need to do bad-guy cleanup today. His team would handle it for him this time. For now he just wanted to sit with his wife in his arms and not let go.

!*-*-*

notes: i imagine they lost Roy at the cafe when he went to call Riza. then she swung by and picked him up from the alley where Roy had to watch from the shadows as they took Ed. there's no way they would have lost him for long, he'd have special codes for different problems, especially Ed getting kidnapped. so all he'd have to say would be "Code ShortStop: cafe on University Ave" and Hawkeye would have a car there and backup on the way asap. Roy's all about planning.