Ed woke up stuck to a shed wall. She could see Mustang across from her in the same position, though she didn't understand why he would be blind folded while she wasn't. There was a desk with a chair in the corner and she could make out her red coat and Mustang's black one thrown over it. The room itself was dimly lit, she assumed it was sunlight streaming through the cracks but from her position she couldn't exactly tell. Where could they be if it was such a flimsy looking shed? The woods? Ed was pretty sure that her mouth would have been covered if there was any chance that screaming would alert witnesses, so they must not be in the city.

She decided to push their current location to the back of her brain for the time being and start on the personal injury checklist. First: Mustang.

No pool of blood on the floor so no large cuts. Hard to tell in the shadows but it looked like a black eye, which would explain his unconscious state, though 'who the hell had gotten such a good front facing hit on Mustang' was going to be the question of the hour.

For herself she seemed equally uninjured. The back of her head hurt but other than some sore arms due to being in one position for whatever length of time, she seemed ok. Weird. She pulled at the cuffs that her hands were nailed to the wall with. They felt sturdy and she didn't have much leverage with them stretched out on each side of her. Her ankles had a similar restraint, and were locked to the wall completing the star formation. She wouldn't be able to move in any direction to protect herself and she had a sinking feeling that had been the point.

She was jolted out of her thoughts when a door opened up a couple meters in front of her. It wasn't open long enough for her eyes to adjust and learn anything about the outside, but at least it didn't sound like there was any complicated locking mechanism, or any lock at all.

A tall dark haired man came in followed by what looked like a minion or apprentice carrying a tray of sharp metal things. Knives mostly, some large pins, and a few sticks of rebar.

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are we doing here?" She couldn't keep her mouth shut.

The dark haired man smirked at her, "Now now. There's no need for your vulgar language. I've been watching you for the last few months and i know you like science, this is a science experiment my little Alchemist. Though it's mostly the science of the mind so maybe it won't be as interesting to you as it is to me. It is my experiment though, so i hope you'll cooperate."

What the hell did that mean?

Her confusion was clear on her face so he elaborated.

"I'm going to torture you both in turns until someone tells me how to make a Philosopher's Stone. And the fun part? You two get to decide whose turn it is. When you say his name, I'll stab him, and when he says your name, I'll stab you."

He bopped the top of Ed's head with the flat side of a knife as she tried to lunge at him.

"What the hell does that accomplish?!"

"Well, mostly i just like knives, but i want to see how much pain someone can take before they give up someone else's life. And since you two are some of the State's most powerful alchemists, i might even get the recipe for the Philosopher's Stone out of you too. Fun fun! "

Fun?! Fucking lunatic. Who likes stabbing people?!

At least this would be relatively easy. Mustang was blind folded and since he was still knocked out he didn't hear the rules. As long as she kept doctor lunatic focused on her, there would be one healthy Alchemist to destroy everything when she finally thought of an escape plan.

"And you get to explain the rules to him. So i hope you remembered them. Now, I'm going to start with him to wake him up. You ready?!"

"Never. Why is he blindfolded and i'm not?"

"Ah yes, well, i wasn't entirely sure how his alchemy worked, he's very good at keeping secrets. So i wanted to make sure he couldn't do any of it or this place would be ashes in seconds. Now, stop delaying science my dear."

Ed saw him grab a couple of knives and let out a stream of expletives followed with, "Hey jackass! Wake the fuck up and help me out of here!"

If she woke him up with words then no knives necessary right?

Mustang's head moved. "Ed?" Great, he'd started out with her name. She bit back a gasp as cold steel sank into her forearm. Doctor lunatic was suddenly back in front of her with a huge grin on his face, his hand on the hilt of a carving knife that was now sticking out of her bicep.

"That's me flame brain." She took her time catching her breath through the pain before explaining a loose interpretation of their situation.

"We're in a shed somewhere. I can probably get us out of here with some time, or you can stretch your senses for a spark and I'll tell you what to burn."

That's not really how his alchemy worked, he still needed a circle to condense the oxygen in the air, but she was hoping he'd take her lead on the situation. If the doctor and his apprentice kept checking over their shoulders then she'd have time to think of something.

She was glad he played along, "I was already checking for that Ed."

Ed again. Dammit. Her newly damaged leg muscles lit up her brain but she held her tongue.

The doctor had a twinkle in his eye as she glared at him.

"There's people in this room idiot so if you think of a plan you're going to have to just go with it without explaining it to me. I'll figure it out. Currently they're not doing much but that might change, you'll have to be careful what you say."

She'd decided she wasn't going to tell him to stop saying her name. If the doctor had something to do then Mustang could stay untouched and they wouldn't have to think of some other reason to stab him.

"Who?! Who's in the room Ed? Describe them to me."

Fuck.

"Ed?... Ed what are you not telling me?"

She'd kill him. Definitely.

"Lots of things. I'm not telling you lots of things. Some you'll be angry about for sure but you're just going to have to trust me on this ok?"

"Like hell! Ed! Tell me what the fuck is going on!"

She ignored him while she caught her breath after one of the larger knives became acquainted with her thigh. Who the fuck does this?!

Mustang jolted at the new voice in the room. "Little Ed, you didn't tell him all the rules."

"He doesn't need to know the rules. He needs to get us the fuck out of this flimsy wooden shed and he's going to burn the both of you to ash. That's what he needs to know."

Ed pulled her wrists against the metal shackles, plan c was to cut her own hand and draw a circle in blood, hiding it under her palm. Plan a and b had failed, probably, since she couldn't quite remember what plan a and b had been or if they ever existed, but that didn't matter. "You can pull all you want, these manacles wouldn't break even if you still had your automail." sure thing psycho.

"Ed, describe the room to me again."

Silence.

"Ed?"

"Shut. Up. Ass. Hole." Each word was becoming a major effort. "Just. Give me. A second."

"We're running out of real estate a little bit boy-o. Let's get your shirt off so i can see what I've got to work with here."

"Get your fucking hands off me you pervert!" She wasn't afraid of pain. She was afraid of exposure.

Doctor lunatic cut her shirt and it fell open, exposing the wraps on her chest, and her secret. His reaction was not pleasant.

"You're a woman?! You're a fucking WOMAN!? This fucks my whole experiment. Your pain threshold is completely different. We can't prove my theory like this! I'm going to need more knives. BOY! Get me more knives!"

Ed swore at him and he ignored her to send his apprentice out for more supplies. He'd just given Mustang more information than she'd wanted him to have. Not even counting her secret.

"Ed?"

Fuck.

Doctor lunatic suddenly went from angry to excited. "I was going to save the rebar for later."

Ed's eyes went wide and she was only able to take a single breath before the rebar pierced her shoulder.

"Ed. Tell me what's going on. I'll ignore the 'woman' thing for now ok? I'm not mad. But you have to tell me what's happening. Did he just stab you with rebar?! "

He'd said it again and she couldn't hold back the whine that escaped as her other shoulder was pierced.

"You'll have to give her a moment. It was two sticks of rebar."

"FullMetal ! Explain now!"

Ed looked relieved. Finally he'd said something else. She needed a break.

"Ah ah. Don't get too excited, that's still your official name. So it counts."

Mustang started swearing. "Dammit!. Are they hurting you every time I've been saying your name? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why didn't you say so?!"

"She thinks that if you're fine and healthy and she takes all the damage that you'll be able to get out alive. Which isn't going to happen but she put in a good effort. And now that you know the rules neither of you are going to say each other's names. So I'm changing my experiment. I'm just going to see how many knives i can fit into her before she makes you take the pain instead."

The doctor put a few more pins into Ed's wrists and a knife into her abdomen as Mustang swore blackly in the background. "Did you know that the body can shut down from pain entirely? I wonder if you'll give in before that."

Mustang's threats were fading into a boring sound track until doctor lunatic decided he was done with Ed. "This is boring, women can handle the pain of child birth and this isn't what i wanted to study in my experiment. So how about one last one down your throat? That should take care of this nicely. Don't you think so little girly? After all, i have a completely different male body to test on right over there." He moved the knife to her lips.

Mustang started a new string of swearing at the top of his lungs, pulling hard against his restraints. The doctor turned to him, "Don't worry so much, you're next anyway."

Ed saw the opportunity while his head was turned and finished her bloody circle. It was the easiest circle she could draw. Fire. Mustang was going to be pissed she'd figured it out and his ego would take a significant hit, but it wasn't hard to do and she really didn't want to die. The equation was simple: normally she moved molecules in the ground to create gargoyles, this time she moved molecules in the air to create the perfect environment for fire. She was the "boy" genius after all. It was just missing one thing, Ed grabbed the knife with her teeth that the doctor had been holding to her lips, and tilting her head she scraped it along the rebar in her shoulder creating a shower of sparks.

Flames engulfed the shed, swallowed the doctor and his apprentice, and weakened the wood until Mustang could break himself away from the wall. He tore off his blindfold and even though the building was burning down around him he hesitated.

Ed was a woman. Shit. Way more importantly, Ed was dying from multiple stab wounds, twenty at least, the blood loss was significant. They would both die actually, if he didn't get his priorities straightened out. He grabbed their coats and kicked the doctor's charred remains out of the way so he could put the coats on the floor.

Ed was panting in an effort to stay awake and control the fire. Her shirt and wrap were in tatters on the ground and Mustang wasn't sure how many knives he could pull out safely. He took a few of the smaller ones and the pins from her wrists.

"Stay with me Ed. Transporting you like this is going to hurt but i don't think i can remove anything large without a doctor present."

Ed grunted in acknowledgement as he freed her from the wall and placed her in his coat. He hoped they weren't far from help. He tried to wrap the coat around her where he could and something caught his eye in his coat pocket. His gloves! Now he could at least control the fire.

He doused the flames and picked up Ed as carefully as he could, then opened the shed door to see Ed's luck at full strength.

Hawkeye was here, with medics. It looked like they'd found the place as soon as it had gone up in flames.

!***

Where are they?

I dunno, abandoned train yard? Doesn't matter.

How did Hawkeye know where to find them? Maybe she saw them arguing in the street from the office window and thugs jumped Ed then knocked out Mustang. From there she immediately calls the field team to track the car down.

Look, i don't want to explain everything, i guess you just had to be there. (hah!)