"I QUIT!"

The Super Smash Bros. Mansion chef, Silver the Hedgehog, threw his chef hat on the ground and headed to the door. He was covered with tomato sauce and was leaving behind a trail of red footprints.

Falco, who was walking by when Silver screamed, walked in and stopped him. "Whoa. Why are you leaving?" Falco asked. "And why do you look like a murder victim?"

"First off," said Silver, counting. "I get no respect around this place! Second, this place is a dump! This is the fourth time this week someone dumped food on me! And finally, it's been two months since my last paycheck! This boy can only put up with so much! Adios!" Silver pushed Falco aside and started walking to the exit.

That whole dump of information made Falco roll his eyes. He didn't really care for Silver because he was merely a Smash trophy character. What he did care about was food, and Silver quitting would affect his consumption habits. "Oh, pull it together, Silver. Of course, you get respect. Everybody loves-"

"HEY, WHITE TRASH THE HEDGEHOG!" Yelled Bowser as he stomped into the messy kitchen. "WHERE IS MY GRUB?!"

"Yeah! My tummy needs nourishment, Silver 06!" Declared Bowser Jr. as he rode in.

Silver looked over at the two turtles (yes, they're turtles), then back at Falco. "GOODBYE," he mumbled through his teeth and flew off.

"Just great." Falco sighed. "There goes my piece of cake."

"Cake?! Did I hear CAKE?!" Rosalina asked as she stuck her head in.

"No. What you heard is your lumas make the ex-chief want to drive off a cliff," said Falco as he motioned to the seven lumas in the kitchen. They were covered with pasta and tomato sauce. They caused a pot of food to explode and get all over the place.

"Oh, poor things..." she sighed.

Brower raised an eyebrow at the princess. "YEAH, RIGHT!" he grumbled. "THEIR NOT THE ONES THAT NEED A NEW YUM-YUM COOKER!"

"Just relax, Bowsers-es?" Falco said, staring at the Browers. "We can just hire somebody else."

"On the internet!" said Bowser Jr.

"To the thing that earth people waste their time on!" suddenly declared Rosalina.

"It's called a computer," Falco answered as everybody but the lumas began leaving the kitchen.

"Oh, right. Heh heh. Sorry, I'm new to this place of gravity."

The four threw open the double doors of the Smash library and strolled in. They headed straight for the back where the computers were. "Alright, kids. Hands off. It's our turn to use the internet." Said Falco as they approached Ness and Larry, who were using the only computer that worked.

"Hold on! Hold on!" Larry demanded, not looking up from the screen. "We're finishing something!"

"Yeah, it's important!" Declared Ness as he furiously typed on the keyboard. Five seconds later he stopped, turned to the adults, and asked, "Hey, do any of you got a credit card we can use?"

Bowser was about to pull a debit card out when Falco just pushed the two ankle-biters off the chairs. He then sat down and tried to remember how to spell LinkedIn.

"Ouch!" mourned Larry from the floor.

"Hey, save it for the battlefield!" Ness yelled at the bird.

Rosalina gave him a pity face, but that was clearly all the sympathy the two kids were going to receive. She then sat next to Falco and told him how to spell LinkedIn.

"Well, this bombs," Larry said. He turned to Browser Jr. "Come on, bro! Let's go dig up land mines!"

"Woo-hoo!" Declared the three kids as they ran out.

Falco rolled his eyes as he typed away. He typed a few things in (it took him quite a while because he had feathers; not fingers), and suddenly a dozen job applicants appeared on the screen.

"Ohh! Pretty pictures!" Rosalina declared as she clapped her hands.

"Yeah, ain't it great?" Falco sarcastically asked.

They studied the screen for a few moments before Bowser yelled, "I LIKE THE ONE WITH THE GANG TATTOO!"

"No, no, no. I think we should hire the girl with the... How many piercings is that?" Rosalina asked. This was a genuine question, she was having a hard time counting that high. "That's at least eleven, right?"

"Is this website for hiring chefs or criminal?" Falco asked himself.

Master Hand was at the other side of the library the whole time, reading an old book you probably wouldn't recognize when he heard the commotion. He put down his reading glasses (?!) and floated over. "What is with all the ruckus?" He asked as he hovered over the monitor. Master Hand and Crazy Hand technically owned the Smash Mansion, Nintendo put it in their name. Because of this, they're technically in charge of everyone. This doesn't mean anyone takes them seriously.

"HI GLOVE! WE'RE LOOKING FOR A NEW COOK TO MAKE THE YUM-YUMS!" Bowser bellowed.

"Silver quit," Explained Falco.

"Yes, so we are now in search for a new chef," Rosalina finished. "Ooh, can we hire that one? His brownies look delicious!"

"Sorry, Rosalina, but no. Those brownies also look illegal. How about the dude who raises his own meat? He's only $150 an hour and-"

"We can't hire a new cook." Master Hand said as he unplugged the computer. Unplugging everything might sound like an over-reaction, but it was necessary. He just remembered he forgot to log out of his Google+ and that thing and he wasn't about to let those three find it.

"What?!" Falco and Rosalina exclaimed.

"BUT I WANT MY TUMMY FILLERS!" Declared Bowser.

"I'm sorry, but Silver was the only chef we could afford."

"Why?" Asked Rosalina.

"Because of YOU!" Master Hand answered. "Well, you, Robin, Dark Pit, Pac-Man, Villager, Shulk... All the newcomers, really. You see, because of the new people, we had to build ANOTHER extension on the mansion; and thanks to that our budget is pretty tight. So, we stopped paying Silver. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm surprised it took him this long to quit!"

"SO, WHO COOKS THEM GOODIES NOW, TALKING GLOVE?!" Asked Bowser.

"Well, me and Crazy Hand figured you Smashers can take turns cooking meals. That'll save us a lot of money."

"Ugh. That's lame." Falco scoffed, waving away Master Hand's ludicrous reasoning. "Why don't we just build a Wendy's on the lawn or something?"

"Oh! We can kick out the Smash rejects. Like Snake and Lucas!" Cheered Rosalina.

"I LIKE PRINCESS IDEA. ROY ANNOYS ME."

"Sorry, they have to stay." Said Master Hand, making a shrugging motion. "Ya know, DLCs, trophies, etc."

"Okay, fine." Said Falco, admitting defeat. "So who's gonna cook tonight?"

"You can, smart mouth."

"WHAT?! I can't cook!"

"Rosalina can help you." Answered Master Hand as he floated away. "Oh, and furthermore; you got an hour before everybody comes back from battling or-"

KA-BOMB!

"-Digging up land mines. Ughhh..." Master Hand groaned to himself as he began floating towards an exit. "I'll be looking for a really big shovel if you need me."

"RRRRAAAAHHHH!" Falco screamed as he flipped the computer over.

"Your paying for that!"

Hi! BraveMerida here! I'm the writer around these parts. I hope you enjoyed chapter one of this saga!

Please leave a review. I'll forever think your awesome if you do! =D

(Author note: This chapter was updated in 2022 to remove certain content and clean up writing mistakes. The overall story of this chapter was not changed. Thank you for reading.)