"How is he?" Casey asked, walking into the dropship, and looking for Octavia.
Although, Octavia was not alone. Clarke had just finished giving Jasper the antidote from red seaweed, along with Finn and Monty watching in anticipation. Their eyes turned to her as she walked in, making Casey grow nervous under their stares and the weight of what she had done falling heavier on her shoulders.
Clarke looked up from where she squatted beside Jasper with a small frown. She nodded slightly and turned back to Jasper. He had calmed considerably between when Casey had walked in and when he drank the tea.
"He looks better," Clarke said, but she didn't seem too sure of herself. "His fever should break soon, but for everything else, only time will tell."
Casey nodded nervously in return, her hands shooting behind her back to hold the other. She couldn't tell if she was the only one growing hot and anxious or if the others felt the same.
"I'm really sorry about Atom," Clarke said to Octavia.
Goosebumps ran down Casey's arms at her comments. It felt like Clarke waited until the second she walked in to rub it in Casey's face that she killed Octavia's boyfriend.
Octavia sat at Jasper's head with Clarke beside her. She looked up at Clarke's comment, her expression blank, and stared straight ahead.
"I guess we're gonna have to get used to people dying down here, aren't we?" Octavia asked, her eyes flickering to Clarke's and then back down to Jasper. She cradled his head between her hands and whispered to him, "But not you. You hear me? You're not allowed to die."
The group sat in a small silence. Clarke stood in the meantime, reorganizing her tools.
"I need to go deal with something," Clarke told them, turning to Octavia and asking, "Will you watch him?"
"Of course," Octavia nodded, and Clarke left.
Octavia repositioned herself to sit where Clarke had been before, sitting by Jasper's side while the boys set up a table in the back to rest and talk. Casey stood awkwardly in the middle of the dropship like all her feelings were displayed for them to read as she panicked beneath the surface. She tapped her finger against the metal wristband in fours as she sat beside Octavia.
"I'm sorry for your loss," Casey whispered, her hand resting on top of Octavia's as she had done for Bellamy.
Octavia's hand stilled under the weight, eyes resting on the back of Casey's pale hand. Casey felt like Octavia was picking apart her feelings from the back of her hand. Taking in every drop of guilt, denial, sadness, anger, and so on as they sat in a strange silence together.
Then, all Octavia said was, "Thank you."
Casey let them stew for a little longer. Octavia's presence was almost soothing her into not saying anything, but the turmoil in her stomach caught up to her.
"It's not Bellamy's fault," Casey spat out before she could swallow them. Octavia turned and looked Casey in the eyes, searching to see if she had heard Casey right. Then, her eyes hardened, almost offended by her words as she snatched her hand away.
"You don't have to defend him, Casey. Especially you. I know he's my brother, but I don't need protection from knowing he isn't a saint," Octavia assured her harshly.
"I'm not defending him," Casey said, turning to focus on Jasper's pant leg. "I'm telling you the truth."
"What do you mean?" Octavia asked, more hesitant this time.
Casey turned from where she sat and faced Octavia.
"I killed Atom."
Octavia physically recoiled from her and jumped to the other side of the dropship to sit on the opposite wall. Finn and Monty stopped their conversation but hadn't moved except to watch them warily.
"You what?"
"I killed Atom," Casey repeated, her eyes an ocean of chaos but her voice heavy like a stone as it sunk into Octavia's head what happened in the woods. "He was caught in the fog with blisters all over his skin and on his eyes to the point where he couldn't see anymore. He was practically dead but suffering. If we had brought him back to camp, he wouldn't be like Jasper. He didn't have a chance to live. He would die a slow, painful death. He wanted to die, and now he's okay."
"Okay?" Octavia screamed, standing to her feet so that she could tower over Casey. "He's dead!"
Finn and Monty stood in the event they needed to intervene, but neither moved to stop the course of the conversation. If they didn't let it happen, it would only fester into something much worse.
"He said he wished he could see you again. One last time," Casey lied, trying to give some ease to Octavia. "But not like that. He wouldn't have made it, Octavia."
"No," Octavia whispered, crumpling into herself, and fell to the floor, holding her head in her hands as it sunk in. "No, no, no."
Casey stood, dusting her pants off, and wanted to do it over and over and over and over again but forced herself from getting stuck. Instead, she walked over to Octavia and knelt beside her. She rested her hand on Octavia's shoulder, ready to move into a bone-crushing hug, but she beat her to it, shoving Casey back instead.
"Don't touch me," Octavia hissed.
Finn walked over to the two, resting his hand on Casey's shoulder.
"Come on. Let her breathe," Finn said softly.
"No," Casey said, desperate as everything fell out of her hands. "I can't... I can't, just—"
"GO."
Octavia's face was hardened like marble, her eyes squinting and pierced daggers into Casey's heart.
"I—"
"Casey," Octavia hissed. "I don't want to see you right now! So, go!"
Casey sucked in a breath in an attempt to keep the tears in. She looked Octavia in the eyes, giving her a curt nod before walking out of the dropship and went to her tent, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Author's Note
Season 1, Episode 3: Earth Kills
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like. However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.