Botanical
Hanahaki skit
BassRock Week: May 19 - Chef's Choice
- A/N: I wrote this skit previously for fanart posted by kosei-on. But I'm pretty sure only three people saw it, so it's being recycled for BassRock week's wildcard day.
Bass: *trying to act cool* Hey Wily. What's it mean when someone's barfin' up flowers? That's weird, right?
Wily:
Wily: Oh for [redacted]'s sake.
Bass: What?
Wily: Who is it?
Bass: Who is what?
Wily: Who do you have a crush on?
Bass: !? I don't have a crush on anyone! What the heck are you talking about!?
Wily: *exasperated sigh* It means you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back.
Bass: …
Bass: Pffffftttttt ha ha that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. *crying laughing* Ah hah hah! Ah man, you almost had me there. *walks off, still chuckling*
—
Bass: DIE, Mega Man!
Rock: I don't want to fight you! There must be another way!
Bass: The other way is instead of blasting you to bits with my cannon, I smash your head in with—! *huuuurrrkkkk*
Rock: *horrified* Oh! Oh no, are you okay? What's wrong?
Bass: Nothing's wrong, doofus! I'm— *hggglrk* *gakk* *ptoo*
Rock: *growing increasingly distressed* Oh no! Oh gosh!
—
Rock: I wish I knew what was wrong with Bass, so we could help him…
Blues: *facepalm*
—
Blues: Listen—
Bass: Ugh. Get lost. I'm—
Bass:
Bass: Well it's not like I'm sick or anything, 'cause I've never been sick a day in my life, but I just don't feel like putting up with your crap right now.
Blues: *sigh* Bass, do you even know what hanahaki disease is?
Bass: *he does not* Psh, yeah of course I do! I'm not stupid.
Blues: *facepalm*
—
Rock: Please stop shooting at me… *dodges plasma shot* Bass, my brother says—
Bass: Your brother is a brain-dead moron who doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground.
Rock: —that you're sick because—
Bass: And you are a drooling, [slur redacted] numbskull who—
Bass: *collapses to his knees and is violently ill*
Rock: D-:
Rock: *walks over and starts patting Bass on the back* Ohh. It'll be okay. …So yeah, Blues was saying that—
Bass: *weakly raises his arm and shoots Rock in the face*
Rock: OH COME ON!
—
Rock: *has gone to Skull Fortress and is talking to Wily* —and Blues says that's why—
Wily: *looks utterly and thoroughly disgusted, but for whatever reason is hearing him out*
Bass: *walks into the room, notices Rock* Dammit! What are you doing h—!?
Bass: *hkk* *has obviously thrown up in his mouth and is trying to choke it back down*
Rock: Um, Bass… er… do… do you have a crush on me?
Bass: *spits out flowers and blood* Ugh! HECK NO! I'm so disgusted by you, it makes me puke just seeing your dumb chipmunk-looking face! I hate— *hurk* I hate yuuh— *hlorf* I— *gllrk*
Rock: *whispering to Wily* I think he likes me.
Wily: *groans and buries his head in his hands*
—
Wily: Alright, I'm in. What's the plan?
*Blues and Rock exchange glances*
Blues: Didn't you build Bass to kill Mega Man?
Wily: *sigh* Yes, but it's obvious that's not happening, and I'm getting sick and tired of cleaning up flower vomit all the time.
—
Rock: Please! If you don't let me love you, you're going to die!
Bass: NEVER!
Instead of the hanahaki sufferer trying to convince his crush to love him, the crush, friends, and family, go to increasingly ridiculous and convoluted lengths in an effort to get him to admit his feelings and let his crush take him on a date before he drops dead.
(Spoiler alert: he dies.)