FullMetal vs Flame

This is one of my favourite episodes. It has Al hiding cats, Edward short jokes, Mustang stealing girlfriend jokes, Ed blushing in Mustang's office, Ed plotting, miniskirts, Hawkeye gets a puppy, Hughes showing off pictures of Elisia, Ed screaming while Roy chases after him with fire.

!-

Ed sat on Mustang's office couch, her right ankle up on her left knee and her automail arm thrown over the back of it, a picture of nonchalance. Mustang was prattling off about her adventures with the express purpose of letting her know that he knew where she was all the time.

But not 'who' she was. Idiot. She smirked to herself. Which caught his attention at exactly the wrong time.

"Is it true that Psiren's unmasked face is a vision of beauty?"

Ed blushed as she remembered grabbing the woman's chest, she tried to throw an insult at him, "Good luck pervert, she doesn't even like men."

Mustang looked at her oddly, "And how did you come to that conclusion?"

Shit. Why did she always have to engage him? "Because she said so. Fuck off Mustang i get it, you're trying to say you're aware of everything we do." Ed avoided his eyes, still unable to hide her blush.

Mustang seemed to let it go, if he ever really let anything go. She didn't look over as he got up from his desk to face the window, changing the topic. That had been a close call. Maybe too close, Wait? Did he really just ask her to 'settle down'?! Fuck that. She still had things to accomplish, it didn't matter if it was three years or three decades, she was going to save her brother. And it would help if the lazy Colonel would give her some information to track down this Doctor Marcoh person.

!-

Hours later she and Al were ankle deep in books, arguing about cats, and trying to find their own leads on Marcoh when Hughes interrupted them. Apparently the State Alchemist certification renewals would be held here, now. At East City's HQ.

Ed's brain lit up. Finally! A way to flatten Mustang and beat the information out of him; A battle assessment!

!-

Ed looked around as Hughes announced the battle. Stupid lucky Colonel. A sunny day, had it stopped raining just for this? He wouldn't be as useless as usual. Whatever, she'd still kick his ass.

"Ready…. Set…. "

Suddenly Hughes bolted from the arena and she barely had time to dodge before Mustang's flames danced across her skin. Fucking hell, useless cheater! Starting before she was ready, and now lecturing her on battle tactics. This was her idea. She cursed at him as she spent the next ten minutes running, dodging, and hiding in the crowd. Eventually Mustang had kicked up enough dust that she was able to cut one of his gloves off. A move she was particularly proud of because she didn't leave a scratch on him. No time to gloat though, turns out the bastard has two fucking gloves! She might actually lose this damn fight. Fuck!

In the end it was a close call, Mustang hesitated, the look on his face a clear indication of past trauma, and she took advantage. When the dust cleared Bradley called a draw and sentenced them both to clean up.

At least they'd have time to talk.

She heard him sigh and sit down with his shovel, "You could save us both the trouble if you do this whole thing at once."

Ed looked around the parade grounds. She was not going to give him first hand evidence that she had that much power, even if he already suspected it, "Shut up Mustang, you owe me some information."

Mustang turned and looked her over, "I suppose since i found out some information about you, i could share the information i have about Marcoh. For that Equivalent Exchange you're always so excited about."

Oh no. Please no. "Yeah, you learned i can kick your ass, now out with it."

Mustang's insufferable smirk was back, "I'm sure i don't remember that part. But i do seem to remember something about you running around in a very loose fitting tank top. Was it too hot to keep your jacket on?" He raised his gloved hand made a faux snapping motion.

Ed glared. What an insufferable fucking jackass shithead.

"Good job by the way, cutting my glove off without touching my hand. I can't believe i let you get so close, you were mere inches from me. So close that if i'd wanted to i could have looked straight down your shirt."

Ed turned bright red. "You fucking pervy bastard."

"Your wraps are coming loose."

Ed's face was on fire as she spun and readjusted her clothes. She was proving him right, right now, by doing this. Though if he was making these comments then he already knew. She started to get her explanation speech ready but he interrupted before she could start it, changing the topic completely.

"You're too young to remember, but years ago there was something called the Ishvalan Rebellion."

"I'm 19." She'd mumbled it. but she was sure he'd heard because he turned his head to face her, slow blinked in disbelief, then turned back and continued his story.

"I think you should meet Doctor Marcoh."

*harmonica*