Mustang finished up a meeting that had somehow pushed its way into his lunch hour. Not that he ever got a lunch anymore but today he felt like being annoyed at the principle of the thing. He walked the Lieutenant to the door and was alarmed to see both Elrics, sitting on the bench…

Waiting patiently

Oh god. What had happened?

Alphonse nudged his brother into standing, "Sir? May we speak with you?"

Roy moved to the side and motioned for them to enter, not willing to admit even to himself that this was mildly terrifying.

Ed stomped over to the couch and fell into it with a level of exaggeration that said someone was going to make a big deal out of this and it wasn't going to be him. Which pretty much confirmed that this was a big deal. He shut the door as Alphonse followed and perched next to his brother.

"Colonel, Sir. It might be better if you sit down."

Mustang felt like throwing up. Had they killed someone? Was there a crater somewhere that used to be a military building? He sat on the couch opposite, keeping his face perfectly neutral.

Ed must have seen something of his inner turmoil because the kid rolled his eyes. Which was … weirdly comforting? Ok, no one was dead. And if they'd broken the planet they'd certainly put it back together without anyone noticing. So, what the hell was this about?

For a moment nothing was said and then Alphonse once again jabbed his metal arm into Ed. "Sir, Ed has something to tell you."

Ed glared at his brother for a while and then sighed, finally looking up and locking his eyes to the Colonel's.

"Sooo, as you probably forgot, it's my birthday tomorrow."

Is that what this is about? A birthday!?

"And i'm turning 18."

A birthday?! They had him stressing out about a- what?

"You're not eighteen Ed, you're fourteen. Look how small you are."

"Listen you bastard Colonel. I'm eighteen so-"

"Did you hit your head somewhere?" The relief flooding through him was making him light-headed. He shifted his attention to Alphonse. "Is this what you came to tell me? He has brain damage?"

He could hear the amusement in Alphonse's voice. "Sorry sir. She's telling the truth."

Ed spun toward her brother, "AL! I wasn't going to tell him!"

"Well, nothing else is going to make sense and he needs to know why we lied."

Ed harrumphed before cautiously turning back to the Colonel, she looked him over and raised an eyebrow, "I think you killed him."

"I did not! He's still breathing. Be nice and tell him the truth."

Mustang felt like he'd been stabbed in the brain. Instant death. No more thinking today thank you. Their bickering faded into the background as he tried to process what he'd just heard. Ed was a woman.

Her voice pulled him back to the present. "Listen idiot. I'm only telling you because you're the one sending us on missions and i wanted you to know that if you're hoping i can get away with doing something because i'm underage you're wrong."

Roy had corralled enough of his thoughts to stick up for himself, "I don't send my people into illegal situations."

"That's a god damn lie you bastard."

Mustang straightened his cuffs. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Whatever. We're done here." Ed stood up, bowed slightly, then motioned to her brother. "Let's get the fuck out of here, we've got shit to do." She strode out the door.

"Thank you for your time Colonel." Alphonse bowed as well before running out after his sister.

Mustang hadn't managed to find his feet and hoped that his relaxed position on the couch looked like nonchalance instead of the mental maelstrom it was. Though as intelligent as those kids were they'd probably seen right through him.

He groaned in annoyance, he actually was going to have to change some of his completely legal plans.