chapter 14: the glaring impermanence
"There's not much I can say without knowing the blending ratio of the mixture. But since this is coming from you, I have no issues with it," said Chiyo.
The person lying on the crude operating table Hatsue had set up was screaming in agony. The blade had cut deep into his side, and he was bleeding to death before her eyes. If she didn't close up his injuries soon, he would be dead.
With one hand, Hatsue held a crude wooden device that looked like pliers. She used that to close the artery she'd found and prayed that she could move fast enough.
"Suture!" She screamed it at the assistant watching with wide eyes.
He stared at her. She pointed to the needle and thread."I need to close the wound!"
She let another man take over applying pressure on the artery as she held out her hand for the needle. The shinobi fumbled with the needle and nearly dropped it onto the dirt floor. She snatched it out of his hands and looked at the thread.It was just cotton; not even good quality. She'd boiled it, but now she wondered if it would even hold under the pressures she was about subject it to.
But then the man screamed and she was out of time."Hold him still."
The two other men did as she ordered, holding the screaming man down as Hatsue desperately started to stitch. It was horrific; the needle wasn't sharp enough and she had to poke massive holes in his flesh to try and close the gaping wound in his side.And the blood—
"Keep that artery closed!" She snapped that at one her assistants.
He tried to do as she instructed, but the forceps he was using were made of wood, and they were crude; they slipped, and blood squirted into the man's stomach.
"Reapply pressure!" Hatsue had to shout it over the man's screams.
He was gagging with pain, still half-awake. But she had no anesthetics, nothing to give him. And now the other man was trying to grasp the artery and failing to find it in the heaving wound. Mystical Palm was of no use here but maybe– She reached for the forceps and hesitated.
The man had gone still.
Slowly, she stared at the flow of blood. It had slowed. She looked at the shinobi's wide, open eyes, and then around the room at her assistants. They stared at her.
The little girl took a breath, and then uttered quietly. "He's dead."
Part of her wanted to add the time of death, but that was pointless. Even as she dropped the forceps and needle into the bowl of boiled water and watched the liquid turn red, she knew she had no time to even mourn.
"Take him outside. Take his body to the morgue." A voice belonging to an auburn haired man spoke.
He was one of the council members who volunteered to oversee her... progress. The assistants haltingly moved to obey the man's orders.
Hataue stared at her hands. They were so red. Slowly, the young girl glanced around. She was standing in a room; dirt walls and a dirt floor. Her 'operating table' was a piece of hardwood. Her surgical tools were a sharpened dagger, a curved sewing needle and inferior thread, and some wooden instruments that were already covered in blood.
The men and one woman who assisted her weren't trained; they weren't even clean. They were covered in blood and grime.
And she had let another man die in front of her. Hatsue still heard his screams. She'd already forgotten his face, but she remembered him begging her as they'd carried him in. He'd asked her to save his life.
And she had failed.
He was the fifth person she'd seen die in front of her eyes. But she could hear shouting, and in the distance, screams.
"Well done, little kango-hei. That man lasted 10 minutes longer than the previous one." The man praised, though his face was anything but pleased. "A few more corpses to go, and you might just be able to start saving lives. I'm quite optimistic you could do it under a hundred."
Hatsue lingered by the doorway; still in her medical-nin clothes, she wondered if it would be impossible to ask to be assigned as Komushi's doctor. She shuffled her feet awkwardly as Komushi's mom beckoned her to come in.
"Hey..." She greeted.
"What's up, little kango-hei?" Komushi smiled at her and then turned to his mom. "Ma, can you buy me some snacks? I've been craving some dangos."
Komushi's mom leaned down to her son, and then gave him a kiss on his forehead. "Be good."
Komushi scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm always good."
There was silence for a few moments. Hatsue remembered how irritated Komushi was with her before he went to the borders; she sure did act a bit of a know-it-all and she shouldn't have said anything. She bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering. It'll be hard for Komushi to go on as a shinobi, what with shinobi being reliant on handseals.
"...you were wrong, you know." He looked at her carefully, gauging her reaction. "It was exhilarating."
Hatsue smiled, immensely relieved there were no hard feelings between them. "Whatever you say."
"No, really. You probably didn't feel like I did but when I first took down an enemy, I felt so alive. I worked hard to keep myself alive and when I worked on a strategy in my head, it was the most satisfying feeling ever when it went like how i expected it to."
"... I don't know, Komushi. I– when I was out there?" Hatsue looked away, right palm grips her left elbow.
Komushi sank back down to his pillow. "But you were also right. I talked this big game of contributing to the village as Sand-nin. Like you said, it wasn't all glory." He gestures to his missing arm. "I thought I could be like you and Sasori, doing good for the village. Now that I've been there, all I want to do is to forget it."
"... yeah, do you wanna talk about it?" asked Hatsue, still awkwardly shuffling her feet.
"Ehh, I'll talk to a shrink. No biggie."
"Want me to get Sasori for you?"
"He might be busy." Komushi shook his head and then, bowed his head. "Sorry I acted the way I did before I left."
She rolled her eyes good naturedly, not wanting the apology. "No, I'm sorry. I was also wrong."
"Guess we never really– you know how we only hung out 'cause of Sasori? I know I get stupid jealous of you and that dense genius, and so uhh..." Komushi rubs the back of his neck with his only hand, blew good natured breath at his brows and rolled his eyes before resuming eye contact. "... friends?"
Hatsue grinned. "Yeah. Friends."
"Attack! Get up! We're under attack!"
Hatsue heard the words as if they'd been screamed in her ear. She shot out of bed, first looking around for the danger, and then reaching for her pack. She wielded a kunai with her right hand as she blundered around in a panic.
People were struggling around in their bedding, shouting, adding to the confusion. Hatsue nearly ran into someone as he whirled around, looking for an enemy in the darkness.
"Kango-hei!"
Satoru pulled his comrade back and then Hatsue found herself standing behind Risa and some other Sand-nin from their group. They formed a circle in the darkness, watching every direction for enemies.
Someone was shouting for people to rally to him, but no one was inclined to move in the confusion. Hatsue saw flashing shapes, and jutsus activating, but surpisingly, no screams. Then she heard thecrashof wood and the sound of glass breaking and more smoke. And then…
Silence.
Slowly, order restored itself. Shinobis began to form up, and Hatsue saw Satoru running through the camp. He ran past the group of shinobis and Hatsue, and she heard a shout of rage.
"What happened?"
Risa stared at the others, wide-eyed. Hatsue had a sinking feeling in her stomach. One konoha-nin glanced around, eyeing the confusion.
"Sounds like those Iwa hit us again. Night raid. They were in and out quick."
"No one's wounded, though."
Risa had a deeply troubled look on her face. She looked in the direction Satoru had gone."What was that sound? It sounded like breaking glass."
Hatsue knew. She didn't want to know, but there was only one conclusion that bubbled up in her brain."The medicines."
More importantly, Tsunade's antidotes.
A sand-nin stared at her in horror and the others looked grim. Soon enough they saw that Hatsue was right. Satoru and another big man carried the box out of the supply wagon and set it on the ground.
Hatsue saw the splintered wood and her heart stopped in her chest.The precious chest of medicines in the supply wagon had been smashed by something heavy. Inside, the fragile wrapped vials had been shattered, and the antibiotics had leaked out of the sides. Only a few bottles held any of it at all—those Satoru and the other officers desperately tried to save, holding up the glass pieces and dripping as much of it into canteens and any containers they had on hand.
But it wasn't enough. Not nearly. Hatsue saw the looks on her group's faces and the konoha-nins'. From over a hundred bottles, their battalion's' supply had suddenly dwindled. They had maybe less than twenty bottles' worth.
Satoru stared down at the broken chest. He stood up, and cursed, then shouted at another officer. And then his head turned. He looked at Hatsue, and the look in his eyes told her that her worst fears were true. If they had no antibiotics, then they only had her.
Hatsue. Little Kango-hei of Suna. But she had no skills, not the ones that they needed. And she didn't have the tools. She didn't have—anything!
Her stomach twisted. But now her fellow medical-nins were staring at her, and Risa as well. Some were still staring at the broken chest with horror, but all the veterans were looking at Hatsue. They knew.
Slowly, every eye turned to her. Sand-nin and Konoha-nin alike looked at her, quiet fear in their eyes.They couldn't retreat. They were soldiers. But they feared death too. Without the medicines, they had not a chance at all. Except if they had someone who could save them. So they put their faith in her. In Hatsue, someone they barely knew, a freaking child, hoping because they had nothing else to cling to.
But she couldn't do it. Hatsue knew that. She was unprepared. She didn't have anything she needed.
She was just a kid. A thirteen year old. She was no renowned surgeon, no battlefield medic like Tsunade. She learned the healing jutsus but not everything. She learned chakra control but nothing. It's not enough.But there was no one else. And she had a job to do.
So Hatsue stared at the box of antidotes and knew what was coming next. She clenched her hands so tight her knuckles cracked.
In the silence of the night, as the last drops of antidotes soaked into the forest floor, Hatsue felt death begin to walk at her side.
#01 - tryst
Not between lovers. Midnight ones, yes. But of friendship.Tomi knew that her daughter leaves their house in the dead of the night to see an Elder's grandson.
#02 - pretend
Hatsue and Sasori's skills in stealth made it easy for Hajime to pretend that he was none the wiser that either of the two was sneaking in, or sneaking out.
#03 - sleeptalk
Since Komushi's return missing an arm, it fueled Hatsue's nightmares. Her mutterings consisted of "sorry(s), fodder, useless, and death."
It is an arm laying across her waist, lulled into the security of Sasori's presence, that allayed her nightmares.
#04 - trials
Sasori tests their friendship over and over again. On petty things. Like her time. Or friendships. And platonic relationships. Hatsue learns Sasori is competitive with everything that concerns her, that involves her and–
"HUG ATTACK!"
She knocks the breath out of him when she jumps on his back. He nearly falls flat-face on the sand, if not for his instincts.
"How'd you like the super jutsu: HUG ATTACK?"
"Annoying."
Yet he holds her steady in a piggyback ride until she's sick of it.
#05 - tandem (shoutout to OneWhoReadsTooMuch)
Sasori, a stoic boy. Hatsue, a girl who hounds him for hugs.
But hey, it works! Everyone thought.
#06 - embarrassed
"You have to promise me, Sasori, that no matter how much everyone teases us being friends, you won't let it get to you."
"Why would it?"
"Well... they keep teasing us that we're–" she stopped herself short and whispered, "dating."
"I see."
"And?"
"And what."
"Doesn't it bother you? We're friends."
"It doesn't."
"Really?"
"Is what they're saying getting to you?"
"No. But I thought it might bother you."
"It doesn't."
"As long as you know I won't treat you weirdly despite the teasing. And no matter what they say that one of us will end up liking each other, we won't."
"What's wrong with liking me?"
"What."
"Is there anything wrong with liking me? Too good for me now?"
"What? No! You're– I like Tsunade!"
"I thought you liked Sandaime."
"It was a crush."
"And Tsunade isn't?"
"What I mean is nothing's wrong with liking you, it's just that, I seem to have a type."
"And that is?"
"Powerful people."
Ever since Komushi surviving the incident of accidentally injecting poison on himself because of his prosthetic arm, Hatsue has been avoiding Sasori. They passed each other in the village, at the Kage's tower, sometimes at the places they used to hang out, but there was always tons of people around, and he never said anything to her and she never said anything to him. The few times they'd both meet at his house when Chiyo-baa-san asks something of her, she'd always managed to slip out of the door without having to talk to him.
It would've gone like that for a few more weeks. But Hatsue reads her next mission scroll and talking things out shouldn't be put off later. She went down to the basement, to his workshop, and saw Sasori's back hunched over his desk. The girl hesitated.
"You're here," he said when she was just a few feet away. Hatsue didn't try to mute her footsteps, even if she did, Sasori would always know anyways. He was wearing his usual shinobi black jacket.
"Hi."
Silence.
"So I was working on that healing jutsu." Hatsue's voice is pitched higher than normal.
The red head didn't say anything, and she continued, speaking very quickly. "Like using chakra threads to heal long distance, and I can't figure out what to do. I've been working on this for months, but it's either too slow. It doesn't cover much area compared to direct contact."
Nothing.
She traced her thumb over her mission scroll. "I'm starting to think chakra threads as a healing jutsu is impossible–"
"Are you ever going to acknowledge why you stayed away from me?" Sasori interrupted her.
"Is no an option?"
Sasori snapped a puppet's finger into half. "Too late."
Another pause.
"I cannot fathom every nuances of our friendship," he said. "But I at least do not discard your companionship at a moment's whim; like you do so easily made a habit of."
His pewter grey eyes bore into her brown ones. Hatsue looked away and studied the rows of puppets set into the wall next to her, as if she really gave a scorpion's sting about Crow's upgrades or Salamander's new look at present.
"Sorry," She said finally. Reluctantly. "But you know exactly why I stayed away."
"No–" He turned away, and threw the carving knife on the table hard enought to make the wooden limbs bounce. Then he turned back. "I don't know why you would stay away, for no reason at all!"
"Sco– Bullshit, Sasori!" Hatsue snapped, taking her eyes off the rows of puppets so she could look at him. "You really thought I wouldn't know? That I wouldn't notice? What do you mean you don't know the reason at all? Komushi's prosthetic–" she started enumerating on her fingers– "the herbs you asked Grandma Chiyo–"
"It was a weapon for Komushi." He corrected her.
"Thanks for letting me finish. You've been working on Komushi's prosthetic but it wasn't just the arm, Sasori!" She glared at him. "I know how you carve a torso or how the wood looks like when you're on the process of carving one. Smaller than the usual size of your regular puppets. Don't make an idiot out of me. I know you. And we promised that we would lie to anyone except to each other. We promised to keep each other's sanity by telling things. Even if it's an S- class secret! You were the one who insisted that promise, Sasori. So, keep it." She looked at him waiting if he would object, and when he didn't, she made her last point. "You were making a human puppet out of Komushi."
Silence.
"Why?"
Her question was so quiet but he heard it anyways.
"He's weak."
Hatsue took a few steps forward, and grabbed a fistful of his shirt, shouting. "Just because Komushi came home with a missing arm doesn't mean he's weak!"
He gives her a long blink before speaking, "Do you like Komushi more than me now?"
She lets go of his shirt and pushes herself away from him. "This is your weird messed up way of trying to protect him, isn't it? How could you act like normal when you're with Komushi, acting as if you didn't try to make a puppet out of him?!"
"I'd still have you." He shrugged indolently.
"And if I come home with a missing limb, what then? You're going to make a puppet out of me?" She slumps her shoulders. "What do you make of our friendship, Sasori?"
"The glaring impermanence of it. For it to exist and be maintained is heavily reliant on each person. A wrong thing to say results to its severance. It could either be fleeting, or long lasting, I dislike the nature of it really." He answers.
Hatsue sighs. "But here we are."
"Yet here we are." He nods.
AN:
Happy Christmas to those who celebrate, here's my Christmas gift. To those who don't, this update is a holiday break bonus?
To nadia4245
Aw. Thanks, luv. I'm surprised this story has enough chapters that readers can binge read it now.
To OneWhoReadsTooMuch
Same. SAME. I have Gaara and Sasori interactions written here that I would kill for and die for. I really can't wait to bridge the chapters so I can post this for you and I'll kill you with their family dynamic. Thank you for leaving a review.
To laraceleste
Hello, wow you're one of the longtime readers of this fanfic. Haha I really apologize for the wait. I hope my break goes a little longer so I can focus updating this. Thanks for leaving a review.
To Sarah
Hello, savior of this fanfic. Wow. I'm gonna just– Same. The romance, sure. But the adopting the sand siblings is what I'm excited for. Apathetic Sasori dad plus Insomniac, might turn into a psychopath Gaara child = peak family dynamic. Proud Sasori dad plus Sasori-worship Kankuro child = father/son geeking over puppets. Awkward Sasori dad plus Unsure Temari child = father/daughter duo you never asked for but you'll get. I just hope I don't mess up the romance between Hatsue and Sasori though. Thank you for that godsend review. Thank you for spoiling me with these recent reviews.
To Serene Kumquat
Thank you for the high praise. I'm honored. And yes, I am eager. I just want to drown you readers in Sasori fluff, that you'll find it hard to get out of here. I even had the whole ending of this fanfic written already and it's been collecting dust in my keep notes. But by gods, I will do my best to write so much fluff in this story– Thank you for leaving reviews. I love them all.