The elevator clanked and screeched as it went from the forth floor to the second floor, swinging a little bit, bumping into the walls every four seconds. Snake sighed at all the commotion, and did another puff of his cigar. He did enjoyed cigars before, but now he really enjoyed them. For the longest time, he wasn't able to even lite a match here at the mansion. But ever since the whole "Teen Rating", almost anything goes now, and he's been making up for lost time by smoking like a chimney.

He finishes his first cigar of the day and drops it on the ground. The carpet earned another hole in it as Snake lit his second cigar, somehow using the same match from earlier. He made rings of smoke in the air as he finally reached the second floor.

The elevator came to a screeching halt and bumped a wall one more time, causing Snake to hit the ceiling with his head and shoulders. He mumbled a few choice words under his breath, but decided to just be grateful that he didn't drop his cigar. He took another long puff, then threw the elevator doors open and jumped out. He had to jump because the elevator was four inches above the landing. Way to go, angel. Snake thought as he stuck the landing.

Once back on stable ground, Snake began walking to the kitchen. Why the kitchen was on the second floor, he had no idea, but he was too hungry to question it at the moment. He just kept walking, hoping that Crazy hand remembered to go grocery shopping in the pass week, and that Villager didn't use all the food for target practice again. It'll be the fourth time this week if he did.

Then me and Master Hand appeared from thin air right above Snake and landed on him.

"Whoa." Master Hand mumbled, unable to get up from all the realm travel jet lag. "That was trippy, man, trippy."

"Heyooooo!" I exclaimed to Snake while trying not to crush Poofy as I landed on the spy's belly. "Guess who I am, Slitter!"

"Someone who's causing me extreme pain at the moment," he guessed as he used his right leg to push Master Hand off his left leg.

"No. Someone who causes you extreme pain all the time." I patted Snake's head as I rolled off his body. "If you insist on pointing out my flaws, at least tell the whole story."

I get up on my feet and examine my surroundings. We were in the main hall of the second floor, right where Greeninja use to sell grass types, but then moved to the dark ally across the street in search of business outside of Pikachu and Cloud. There was four windows on the left side of the hallway, and three doors on the right; two were bedroom doors, and the one at the end was the kitchen's. The carpet was a off-gray from never being cleaned. The walls were a off-white because pfffffft, who cleans walls? And a random chandelier hanged in front of Robin's room, thanks to him insisting if he couldn't fit it in his room, it should be outside his room.

Damn, it was good to be back at this dump. Especially now.

I ran up to the chandelier and stood under it. It had seven of those pointy lightbulbs on it, pretending to be candles, if you can understand that. It was also made of fake gold, because Robin couldn't tell the difference from the real stuff. It shined way too brightly, making me wish I had sunglasses. Yet it was it's own definition of pretty, lighting the whole hall with it's tacky shine.

As Snake kicked Master Hand off and told the glove where he should go, I opened up my New 3DS and tried to think of something to type. I needed something nice and big and intriguing for this chandelier. I began typing, but quickly erased it, knowing it wouldn't be good enough.

After a little more thought, it came to me. I quickly typed in my idea. The portable glowed once again and light floated from it. Suddenly the light went out and dropped what I wanted.

A purple flame thrower.

"Wa ha ha!" I laughed like a manic as I aimed for the chandelier. Before Master Hand could call me crazy, I pulled the trigger and it let out a whoosh of fire. The lighting quickly lit on fire, it's flames yellow from the fake gold. It was epic!

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" was the first thing Master Hand could scream as he finally got off of Snake and rushed towards me. "What the heck do you think you're doing, Ants!?"

"Oh, don't mind me," I told the glove as I kept on burning it up. "I'm finally here at the mansion, so I can literally interfere. So don't be surprised if I spend my Saturdays like this for now on."

"You're ruining that chandelier!" Master Hand yelled as he broke out in a sweat.

I turned to him and rolled my eyes. "Wow. Gee, you are right. I didn't even think of that, Master Hand. Thank you for pointing that out to me." I said, with each and ever word oozing sarcasm. I then turned back to the chandelier, that was beginning to melt and drip to the floor.

Master Hand was about to have a heart attack. "Why? WHY? WHY, ANTS, WHY!" was all the glove could yell at me.

"Reasons." was my reply.

Snake picked himself off the floor and walked up behind me. He watched the fake gold melt for a little bit, then said, "So you're Ants?"

I turned to the spy. "Yup! That's me!" I answered while still burning the chandelier. "The one and only."

"The one and crazy!" Master Hand corrected me as he reached for the flame thrower. He got hold of it and tried to pull it away from me, but to no success.

"Now, now, Master Hand, I didn't see you as someone who would take without asking." I scowled the glove as I pushed him aside. "Where are your manners?"

Master Hand got up and did a glove version of scowling me. He became a fist and turned beet red. "MANNERS? YOU'RE THE ONE BURNING SOMEONE ELSES PROPERTY!"

"True. But this is breaking the law. You trying to take from me was just plan rude." I shook my head. "I worry about him sometimes," I said to Snake, motioning to the glove who was now turning as red as a stop light. "It's like he has no common sense."

After I said that, Master Hand broke down and had a panic attack.

Snake watched for a moment as I freaked. I dropped the flame thrower and rushed to Master Hand's side. The flame thrower poofed when it hit the ground, but the chandelier was already so roasted that is just kept on melting without it. I grabbed Master Hand and held him while repeating "Deep breaths. Keep breathing. Deep breaths." over and over, hoping to calm him down. The glove tried to listen to me, but was still hyperventilating.

Deciding he shouldn't get involved, Snake walked pass the two of us and went in the kitchen, where he found Captain Jack Sparrow and Rosalina minus her lumas raiding the fridge.

"Of course," was all Snake said at the sight of them.

Rosalina looked up from the vegetable rack. "Morning, Snake!" she waved as she picked up a armful of lemons. "Don't mind us; we're just getting more fruit for the bar." she reassured him while trying not to drop anything.

"And salt! You can't make a cocktail without salt, lad!" said Sparrow, smelling like old scotch while holding two salt shakers.

Snake mumbled a reply. He reached over Rosalina's head and grabbed the last carton of eggs. He then turned to the sink and tried to dig up an clean frying pan.

"Hey, Snakey! Haven't seen you at the bar in awhile!" Sparrow pointed to the spy with a accusing finger.

Snake rolled his eyes. "I was there just 24 hours ago," he said with a tone of annoyance while he went up to the stove and began cooking up the eggs.

"The way you were drinking, I'm surprised you remember anything at all," said Rosalina with a drunken giggle.

Snake shrugged. "I'm a walking a miracle." he answered.

"You got that right! Ha ha!" Sparrow laughed as he punched Snake in the fake arm.

The spy's frown turned into a strait-out scowl. He glanced at the two drunkards and watched as they bumped into each other and dropped everything they were caring. The two laughed like loonies at the sight of the mess, then turned to the fridge to find more stuff to steal for the pub. And of course they didn't bother to clean that hysterical mess they made. Like they would bother to feel any guilt about that.

Snake sighed at the immature of the loonies. Yes, sometimes he got as wasted as they were right now; in fact, usually he slushes down enough booze to maintain the bar for a week in one setting. But, the difference between him and these two was... Uh... Well...

"I hold onto my humanity." Snake said while scraping the now cooked eggs onto a plate and began making toast.

"Yes! Thank you!" I exclaimed through the doorway of the kitchen while holding fast to Master Hand.

Exactly. Snake got wasted a lot, but he knew how to keep his head. He knew the consequences of being drunk all the time -like never remembering anything, breaking random stuff for random reasons, making a utter fool of himself on a daily bases, ect.- and he did not want to be like that. In fact, he looked down at people who were like that. Especially at 10 A.M.

Hence, Sparrow and Rosalina.

Oh, and have I forgotten to mention? Jack Sparrow was invited back by Crazy Hand to maintain the pub he opened up in the mansion a few chapters back. That, and before that he was sleeping in the garden and refusing to leave, so they all figured the best way to get him out of there was to give him a job.

Snake pulled a tray out of a pile of dishes and arranged the food he made on it. It was too late for breakfast, yet it was too early for lunch. So believe it or not, Snake has made the girliest meal in existence: Brunch. Scrambled eggs on toast, a bowl of porridge, a glass of orange juice; all of this neatly arranged on the tray. There was even a tiny vase with a single flower in it!

"Ha! What a wussy!" Sparrow laughed as Snake carried the tray out of the kitchen and slammed the door behind him.

I finally got Master Hand to calm down as I looked over to Snake, who was holding the tray while smiling a really embarrassed smile. I stood up, leaving the glove to rest on the floor, and looked over the cooking and arrangement. "Damn," I said, still admiring the food. "Snake, you just got three time more attractive."

The spy laughed at this comment. "I'm serious!" I exclaim, giving him a up and down look. "Now I don't know who's more lucky: Bayonetta to have you, or you to have Bayonetta."

Before Snake could give a saucy reply, the melting chandelier fell, taking a huge chunk of the ceiling with it. CRASH! It landed on the floor in a flaming, gooey heap with chunks of ceiling everywhere. Master Hand gasped at this, but then gasped even louder when water came gushing out of the huge hole over the pile, making the mess even bigger. This is why I starting burning the chandelier in the first place; the room right above it was Toon Link's room! As water continued to splash everywhere, a huge section of that damn water slide came falling out as well, along with Toon Link in his incredibly outdated swimsuit.

"AH HA HA HA HA!" I exclaimed in victory as I pointed and laughed at Toon Link as he fell right next to the pile of wreckage. "That's what you get for doing cool stuff without me, shorty! WA HA HA HA HA! NYEHHEHEHE!"

Snake stepped around the mess and walked away. He didn't want to get involved with this either, so he just ignored my rapturous laughing and starting taking the stairs, also not wanting to get involved with the angel and the midget and the tiny dino again either. There's a lot he didn't want to get involved with here at Smash Mansion.

As taking three flights of stairs and tiptoeing pass the elevator area, Snake finally made it back to his room. Somehow also with the tray of brunch intact.

He slowly opened the door to find Bayonetta still flipping asleep. You could hear me laughing and Toon Link crying from two floors down quite clearly, and she was still asleep. That's got to be a record.

Snake laughed a little bit at this. He came up to the bed, leaned down to his girlfriend's face, and blew right on it.

THAT woke her up.

"Ugh. For f### sake, David." she mumbled as pulled up the covers. "I thought I told you to stop doing that s###."

"Hey, it's not my fault that's the only thing that will wake you up." Snake smiled as he reached down on the floor, picked up Bayonetta's glasses, and handed them to her.

"It is not."

"Is too."

"Is not"

"Is too!" he exclaimed right before kissing her to shut her up.

"Crap, you win again." she mumbled when she pulled away. "Hey, what's that smell."

"Brunch," Snake replied as he picked up the tray from the floor and placed it on her lap.

"What the f-" she stopped herself and took a bite of the eggs. They were actually good. "Since when have you even known what brunch is?"

"You started crashing in my room last February. It's amazing it actually took me this long, to be honest."

"Good point. Well, keep it up." she said as she chugged down the orange juice. "Because this actually ain't crap."

"You always know how to turn me on, Cereza." Snake joked.

Bayonetta laughed and almost choked on the juice. "Seriously, David, what the f###?"

Still a better love story than Twilight.

Special shout outs to PenumbraTheWolf, SolarEnergy07, and CarryOnMyWaywardSans ! You guys are awesome! And to PunkRockPrincess; thanks to her Jack Sparrow is on bar duty until further notice.

Thank you once again for reading! Please leave a review! And don't forget to follow! =D