So. You really want to know what happened to me and Ben Drowned, hu? Well, makes sense. After all, I did just suddenly disappear with him, then instead of telling you where we went I wrote about Christmas decorating and shopping with rubies. You have every right to wonder. And don't worry, I'm finally going to satisfy your wondering now. But, before you get excited, I want you to know that what happen to the two of us ain't worth getting excited for. In fact, you might even wish you never wondered and just let me go on about the Smasher renting and then suddenly I and Ben Drowned appeared again conveniently.
But no. I have made up my mind. I'm shall now tell you what I and Ben Drowned have been up to these past one and a half chapters:
I've been sitting on Ben Drowned shoulders as we teleport place to place.
Yup. That's it. You see, Ben's only means of actually moving is to teleport. And that means in order to get anywhere, he had to teleport; even if he just had to move a foot, he had no choice but to disappear and then re-appear where he wanted. As if that wasn't enough of a problem, he could only teleport about forty feet. Yeah, I know. That sucks. No wonder the look on his face was always of pain, constantly teleporting everywhere must really get boring and annoying after awhile. And since he was the one that knew where HMS kept the Smashers prisoner and not me, he had to carry me as we transported who-knows-where.
But don't worry, I didn't find this boring or annoying. As we broke the laws of nature with the teleporting, I decided to pester- I mean, entertain Ben Drowned with random topics I found interesting.
"So, my main Tumblr blog finally got over 70 followers," I said as I swiped through my phone. Wait, have I mentioned before that I have a smartphone? I don't think so. Yeah, I have a phone now, along with my New 3DS. Yay. "Which is great. My main blog is all about art I've made, so it's good so many people are seeing my art. People can see how wonderful I am at Steven Universe fanart! Wooo-Hooo!" I cheered, almost falling off his shoulders.
Of course, Ben Drowned didn't give a crap about my blog. Or my Steven Universe fanart. Or anything I had to say at all, actually. Usually, when he took Smashers back to HMS, the creature he captured would be either failing at trying to escape, crying their eyes out, or giving him the silent treatment. Ben's favorite is the silent treatment. But, obviously, I'm a bit different than the Smashers. I wanted to go to where HMS was, I didn't find going with him sad at all, and since Ben couldn't talk I basically kept a one way conversation with him. Ben found all of this very annoying; he wished I would just shut up and let him focus on teleporting.
But, again obviously, he couldn't tell me that. So I kept on blabbering. "Hey, is it weird that I think you would make a really good lion cub?" I randomly asked, making a full 360 on my one-way conversation. "I mean, if you had to be any animal, I think you as a lion cub would be the best bet for you. They're cute, yet ferocious! Deadly, yet can be looked down upon! And one day, with any luck, become rulers of the jungle! You feel me?" I made eye contact with the creeper as we disappeared from another place. I was met with a stare of utter annoyance and a grin full of displeasure. "Noooope. Guess not." I murmured as I fell forward and landed in the creeper's arms.
I stared off into the ever-changing distance, trying to think of what to say next. Of course, I realized my peste- AHEM! entertaining conversational pieces were probably driving Ben Drowned crazy, but I didn't mind. Considering all the utter crap he had put me and especially the Smashers though, me annoying him until we get to where ever HMS is keeping the Smashers seems justified.
"Hey, have you heard of the Pewdiepie controversy about him tha-"
Before I could go on and state an opinion that could have ticked a few of my reader off (who are all awesome, by the way), my phone suddenly began vibrating. "Ice ice baby. Ice ice baby. All right stop! Collaborate and listen! Ice is back with my brand new invention-" my phone blared as the screen showed a picture of baseball mitt with a smiley face drawn on it and the words Look Out It's The Fun Police is calling underneath said picture.
"Oh, hey! Master Hand's calling!" I exclaimed as I answered the call. "Hiya, Glovey! How's it going?"
Ben Drowned inwardly groaned as I talked right next to his face to someone he hoped he would never have to meet.
"What?... Okay, what?... Dude, I can't hear you over the- hey, trying putting me on speaker... Just do it... Okay, good. Ahem! HEY, GANONDORF! YEAH, YEAH, LISTEN HERE! SO DO YOUR FREAKING KARAOKE IN A DIFFERENT ROOM!... WHAT? MASTER HAND, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN GANONDORK'S BEDROOM?... Dude, that has to be the worst escuse I have ever heard. Hey, Benny," I turned to Ben Drowned briefly and to ask, "Isn't 'because the air is the best in this room' the worst excuse for something you've ever heard?"
Ben gave a look so utterly deadpan that it's amazing a picture of him doing said look isn't the first thing that shows up when you look up the word "deadpan".
I stared at him for a moment, then nodded my head. "I see..." I turned back to my phone. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Ben Drowned here agrees with me... Because he's taking me to where HMS is keeping the last Smashers... Yeah, he lied to us... I dunno, maybe in a cave or a dungeon or his shop or ev- Gosh damn it, HMS is keeping them in his shop, isn't he?" I suddenly turned back to Ben and asked.
The statue immediately stopped teleporting when I asked this. That was a good enough of a yes for me.
"Oh, my gosh, I should have known!" I exclaimed as I got up from Ben's arms. I stood there for a second in whatever forest we were in and stared into the distance, deciding my next move. "Oh, well. You might as well take me the rest of the way there, Benny!" I exclaimed as I jumped back into his arms. "Onward!"
A part of Ben died inside of him as he began teleporting again.
"So, yeah. I'm on my way to fight HMS again..." I said, resuming to my phone call. "Hey, how did you get my number?... What?... Oh, of course. Am I still on speaker?... Greeeat... YO, LARRY! QUIT USING YOUR DIMENSION HOPPER TO FIND STUFF OUT ABOUT ME!... I DON'T CARE IF YOU BUILT IT YOURSELF, JUST QUIT IT!... Oh, really? Well, try rubbing coconut old on it. It works for me... What?... Oh... Wow... I'm so sorry... Oh, thank goodness... You guys did? Great... Oh, really?... Yeah, okay. I should be going too. Bye."
I hung up my phone and sighed. "Hey, Ben." I faced the statue once again. "Turns out some of the Smashers at Smash Mansion got incredibly sick from breathing in the fumes from the fake gold chandelier I burnt with a purple flame thrower a while back. Everyone recovered nicely and all the fumes were taken care of, but I can't help but feel them all getting sick was my fault. Do you think it was my fault?"
Deadpan.
"Yeeeeah... Dumb question. Of course, it was my fault." I sighed once again as I swept my bangs out of my eyes. "I... Ugh, I really don't know what to say. Thank goodness everything turned out okay. Aw, man," I placed my head in my hands, trying to rethink things.
Ben Drowned slightly smiled as I did so. The fact that I was sad and I finally shut up made him ever so happy.
"Oh, well. I can't let it get me too down. It's over, it's done, I can't do anything about it now; I just have to keep moving forward and try to think about something else. -Hey!" I suddenly exclaimed, remembering something. "Hello Neighbor! I love that game! Yaaaay! I thought of something happy that I can talk about instead!" I perked right up at the very thought of my now-favorite indie game. I leaned over and looked at Ben's face. "Hello Neighbor is fantastic, don't you agree? Well, of course, you do! How can you not love that game? It stars a really creepy dude; you can totally relate to that guy!"
As we popped through another dimension jump, the statue dropped his smile. Leave it to me to find a way to distract myself from my own thoughts and get happy again from it.
"Man oh MAN do I love that game! I started a fan blog for it and everything!" I said as I frantically swiped through my phone. "Yeah, the blog is called 'Say Hello To Neighbor'. It's all about the Hello Neighbor game and it seems a lot of people really like it already. I'm super proud of it. Hold on! Let me show you all the posts on it! So far there's over 240..."
That was it. That was the final straw for Ben Drowned. He can put up with my blabber, he can tolerate my annoying-ness, but be forced to look at my fan blog? Nope. So much nope. Words could not describe how nope he felt towards such a thing. We were still quite ways away from HMS store, but by using all his strength and powers he was able to teleport a whopping 200 miles and have us finally appear in the front room of HMS place, just so maybe, just maybe, I could finally leave him the f*** alone.
"Oh, hey! We're here!" I exclaimed as I hopped out of Ben's arms and surveyed the area. I took a deep breath and then coughed like crazy. "Oh, gosh. The only thing worse than the mole growing everywhere is the air that it's producing." I croaked.
For what might be the first time in his life, Ben Drowned felt happy as he watched me cough like crazy.
Once I finally stopped wheezing, I ran up to Ben, picked him up and raised him over my head. "Come on! Let us go find everyone! Together!" With the creepy statue over my head, I ran towards the backroom. "And hopefully afterward I can show you all three of my Tumblr blogs, not just the Hello Neighbor one! Ha ha!"
Ben Drowned screamed inwardly as I burst into the back room.
...I first started writing this chapter in January. I had to rewrite it about 4 freaking times since then because all the topics I would try to use as entertaining conversational pieces kept getting quickly outdated. I'm FINALLY pleased with this chapter. It's now March. I better post this thing already.
Oh, and yes, that Hello Neighbor blog is real. I freaking love that game.
OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR READING! PEOPLE ACTUALLY STILL READ THIS THING! AHHHH YOU REALLY ARE AMAZING! PLEASE LEAVE AN REVIEW! EVEN IF YOU DON'T, I STILL THINK YOU'RE AWESOME!