WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS IMPLIED SEXUAL CONTENT, AS WELL AS HOMOPHOBIC AND XENOPHOBIC SLURS AS EXPECTED FOR THE WORLD OF "HAZBIN HOTEL!"

Title Song: "I'll Never Tell" from the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" musical episode

With a hundred and fifty sinners checking into the Hazbin Hotel, the first week was bound to be rocky. Especially when the majority of them were recovering addicts.

The first issue arose on Day Three when guests reported items missing from their rooms. It didn't take a detective to deduce that the kleptomaniac racoon maid was responsible. Vaggie did a search of Proxy's room and in the back of her closet, found a stash of stolen hairclips, pencils, lipsticks and more. Proxy was promptly called into Demon Resources.

"Told ya I had a problem," she said, slumping in her seat.

Carrie Canary nodded from her desk. "Y-You'll r-return all the s-stolen items like b-before, r-right?"

"Yeah, whatever."

Proxy grabbed a pen from Carrie's pencil holder and tucked it into the front pocket of her blue maid uniform. Tina, who sat in a chair beside her, held out her hand. Proxy checked her pockets, sighed and handed her boss the pen.

"Consider this your first strike," Vaggie said, standing with her arms crossed.

Vaggie had insisted that she and Charlie be present for this confrontation, as she wasn't particularly confident in Carrie Canary handling it herself.

"Hold up a moment, Miss Vaggie," Tina said. "Proxy's a kleptomaniac. She ain't in control of her impulses."

Vaggie raised an eyebrow. "You said 'no exceptions.'"

"But if ya read through the contract, there's a clause concerin' ICDs." Tina turned to Carrie. "Pull up Proxy's file."

Carrie nodded and opened a file on her computer. Vaggie leaned over and read an electronic copy of Proxy's contract.

"In the case of impulsive control disorders (ICDs), in which the party of the first part is not in full control of their actions, including but not limited to pathological gambling, kleptomania, pyromania, etc.; a strike will not be implemented on the party of the first part, unless the incident in question results in injury to themselves or another party."

"So in short," Tina said, placing a hand on Proxy's shoulder, "if she's not intentionally hurtin' anybody, I don't count it."

Charlie shrugged. "I suppose it's just the odd hairclip or pencil."

"Still," Vaggie said, narrowing her eyes at Proxy, "we can't trust you to go into other people's rooms and not take their stuff."

"Can't help it." Proxy played with a stray paperclip between her fingers. "Dr. Cougarton says I do it for attention, cuz I spent all that time in foster care and never had consistent caregivers or something."

She slid the paperclip into her pocket. It was such a trivial item that no one said anything.

"Well, you've got our attention," Vaggie said.

"Maybe you can get people's attention in other ways," Charlie said.

Proxy shrugged. "Not good for much. Flunked outta high school."

"But surely there's something you like to do." Charlie laughed awkwardly. "You know, other than swiping things that don't belong to you."

Proxy brushed her short black hair out of her face. "I guess I like to draw. But I'm no good."

Charlie opened the desk drawer and got out a piece of paper. Then she handed Proxy a pencil, but she already had one in her hand.

"Draw me something," Charlie said.

Proxy looked over at Tina. "She serious?"

"Just try it, hon," the Songbat said.

Proxy shrugged and scribbled over the paper with rapid speed. In less than ten minutes, she created a perfect sketch of Charlie, with shading and everything. Everyone's jaws dropped.

"Told you I was bad." Proxy sighed, preparing to erase the sketch. "The scale's totally off and the fingers are chubby."

"No, no, no!" Charlie waved her hand. "I think it's wonderful! In fact…" She gasped and clapped her hands together. "Proxy, would you be willing to lead an art class?"

The racoon tilted her head. "Art class?"

"Yeah! We've been trying to come up with activities to keep guests occupied, and I've heard art can be very therapeutic! You could have the class say…once or twice a week? We'll schedule it around your cleaning duties, of course."

"On the condition that we check your room daily for any stolen items," Vaggie said firmly. "And that you attend at least one group therapy session a week."

Proxy turned to Tina.

"I think it'd be good for ya," Tina said. "Your hands might be less inclined to steal if they're busy drawin' instead."

Proxy took a moment to think, then shrugged. "Whatever. Not like I got anything better to do."

Day Four brought another surprise from the maid service, when Dr. Cougarton forgot to put up the Do Not Disturb sign, and was discovered in her bed, entangled with the Dicto twins.

"This had got to count as a strike," Vaggie said, pointing to a particular section of the employee contract. "Right here: sexual misconduct."

"Keep readin'," Tina said, moving Vaggie's finger down the page. "It only counts as sexual misconduct if it was non-consensual for at least one party involved, or a case of prostitution, pornography, or public nudity."

"And it was consensual," Dinah said.

"And no one was paid anything," Dana said. "In terms of money."

"And we didn't film it."

"And it occurred in a private bedroom."

"And neither of them are married," Dr. Cougarton said, holding up a paw. "So there was no adultery."

"And the doctor was between us the entire time," Dinah said.

"So Dinah and I didn't touch each other at all!" Dana said.

"Well, perhaps with our fingers at one point, but—"

Dana reached over and smacked her sister upside the head. "You're making it worse!"

Dr. Cougarton gestured to the twins on either side of her. "I had to find some way to separate them without being completely apart, didn't I? Then need to take baby steps in differentiating their sexual urges with their sisterly affections."

Vaggie facepalmed. "There are better ways to solve people's problems than sleeping with them!"

"Yes, but I'm not their therapist, so I'm not breaking any rules."

Charlie stepped in front of Vaggie. "Why don't you join us for group therapy? And Doctor, it'll allow you to lend other people your thoughts on their problems. Without actually being their therapist, so you can still…mingle."

"Sounds reasonable enough." Dr. Cougarton turned to Vaggie. "Perhaps we can start with your anger management, Miss Vagatha. Tell me, how was your relationship with your father?"

Charlie had to hold Vaggie back to stop her from clawing the psychiatrist's eyes out.

It wasn't long before it was Angel Dust's turn to be called into Demon Resources.

"Hey, I've been on my best behavior," he said, holding up his four hands. "That coke wasn't mine."

Vaggie narrowed her eyes. "What coke?"

Angel bit his lip. "That, err…Coke as in the soda, I mean! Yeah, wasn't mine. More of a Pepsi guy, ya know?"

"Remind me to do a drug test on you later."

"Crap," he muttered.

"But back to the matter at hand." Vaggie showed him a list on her clipboard. "We've had at least twelve women come to us about some kind of sexist comment coming from your mouth. Calling them names like 'Sugar Tits' and 'Toots' and 'Baby Doll?'"

"Hey, I call my girl buddies shit like that all the time." He put his upper hands to his chest. "Not my fault those bitches are so damn sensitive."

"The name-calling's one thing. What about the sexual harassment?"

"I thought she was a dude, I swear!" He held up one hand and crossed his heart with another.

Vaggie slammed her hands on the desk. "I'm talking about the men, Angel!"

"Oh, right." Angel rolled his eyes towards Tina. "Seriously, Bat Girl, how come ya don't have a single dick-sucker in this whole crowd? And why do most of 'em gotta be underage?"

"As if that wasn't enough," Vaggie said, smacking her clipboard, "you've been making fun of people's deaths! You called Proxy 'Garbage Girl' after she admitted to being hit by a garbage truck!"

The spider snorted. "Ya have to admit the irony's pretty funny. What with her bein' a racoon and cleanin' and shit."

"Angel," Charlie said calmly. "You need to be more careful about what you say to people. You could really hurt their feelings, or they could take it the wrong way."

Angel huffed, leaned back in his seat and put his upper hands behind his head. "What ya gonna do? Throw me out? Ya forget I didn't sign Bat Girl's stupid contract." He jerked a thumb towards Tina. "And ya can't make me, cuz I already got a contract with Val. Ya can't touch me, bitches."

Vaggie mumbled something in Spanish, while Carrie Canary, who had been quiet this whole meeting, shared a meek look with Tina. The Songbat nodded and put her hands on Vaggie's and Charlie's shoulders.

"Let's step out a moment, girls," Tina said, leading the two managers towards the door. "Carrie would like a word with Angel Dust."

"Huh?" Vaggie looked back at the canary. "But she's barely said a word on our previous cases. What can she—?"

"Trust me on this," Tina whispered.

When the door was shut, Angel Dust placed his feet on the desk. "Well, looks like it's just you and me now, t-t-toots."

Carrie smiled. "You think my speech impediment's funny, do you?"

Angel's smug look turned into one of confusion. "Hey, what happened to your—?"

"We're not here to talk about me." She folded her hands on her desk and leaned forward. "We're here to talk about you."

Angel Dust stared at the canary. Her nervousness, along with her stutter, had mysteriously vanished. It was like the real Carrie had been abducted and replaced with a strong, confident businesswoman.

But Angel was determined not to be thrown off by a klutzy little bird. So he put down his feet and sat up straight to emphasize how much taller he was.

"Hit me with your best shot then, Birdy. Tweet my head off."

Carrie giggled. "You really should watch what you say, Mr. Dust. You wouldn't very much like it if someone said something hurtful about you."

He crossed his arms. "I'm a big boy. I can take a few dumb jokes. Sticks and stones, and all that."

"Is that so?" Carrie laced her fingers together and used them to cradle her chin. "That accent of yours, Mr. Dust. New Yorker?"

"Yup." Angel looked boringly at his fingers. "Born and bred."

"That's nice. I'm a New Yorker myself."

He raised an eyebrow. "Ya don't sound like it."

"That's because I moved from the Midwest after college. But the heaviness of your accent suggests that you come from an immigrant family." She tilted her head. "Italian?"

Angel blinked. "Yeah."

"You in the mob?"

"Hey!" Angel jabbed three of his pointers at her. "Not all Italians are in the mob!" He paused. "Okay, yeah, I was, but that's no reason to—"

"Tell me, Mr. Dust." Carrie's voice changed into something out of Mario Brothers. "Do you-uh like-uh spaghetti-uh with meats-uh ball -ay?"

"That supposed to be a mock Italian accent?" Angel scoffed. "Ya gotta do better than that."

Carrie sighed and folded her arms. "Never been big on Italians. Took your people forever to figure out the Nazis were crazy."

"Okay." Angel held up a finger. "One, Italy never switched sides. Their factions were split." A second finger sprung up. "Two, I fought with my fellow Americans."

"World War II veteran, huh? Interesting." Carrie rubbed her chin. "Must've been hard keeping it in your pants in the '40's. Wasn't fags like you that were getting dragged off to Auschwitz?"

"Hey." Angel stood. "Now that's goin'—"

"Too far?" Carrie batted her eyes, flashing the razor-sharp fangs in her beak. "But like you said. You're a big boy, right? You can take a joke, right?"

Outside, Vaggie was pressing her ear to the door, but could only hear muffled shouts from Angel Dust.

"Shouldn't we all be in there for this?" Vaggie asked.

"He hasn't listened to you, has he?" Tina said. "Carrie's my secret weapon."

"But what can she do? No offense, but she can barely get a sentence out."

"Carrie gets anxious round a bunch of people." Tina smirked. "One-on-one confrontations are another story." She turned to Charlie. "Though ya might not entirely approve of her methods, Princess. They can be…intense. Which is why I only pull her as a last resort."

"Intense, how?" Charlie asked.

Just then, the door opened and Angel Dust came out with his head down. When he looked up, his eyes were puffy and red.

"Angel?" Vaggie said. "Have you been…crying?"

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked.

Instead of answering the Princess, Angel said, "Vaggie. I'm…sorry for callin' your vagina a taco."

Vaggie blinked in surprise. "Uh…thanks, Angel?"

He rubbed his upper arm. "And for callin' ya a bitch. And a whore. And a dyke, though I thought that was okay since I'm also—"

"I get the picture, Angel," Vaggie said impatiently.

"Are you okay?" Charlie laid a hand on his shoulder.

Angel flinched away. "I'm fine! Just…need a moment."

He ran down the hall, his sobbing only just loud enough to reach their ears. Carrie Canary stepped out, wearing a soft smile.

"What exactly did you do to him?" Vaggie asked in wonder.

"J-Just," Carrie stammered, rubbing the back of her neck, "p-put things in p-perspective."

Vaggie crossed her arms. "That can't have been it."

Carrie looked down shyly at her feet. "It w-worked, d-didn't it?"

But these were all minor issues, compared to the one disrupting everyone's daily lives. Not an hour went by without someone approaching Charlie or Vaggie about it. On Day Seven, they finally decided to take action, and called a managers' meeting.

The first person Alastor acknowledged was, of course, his wife as he entered the main office. "Ah, what a nice change it is to see you, dear, without that mangy mutt or that twittering twit attached to your hip!"

Tina glared from her seat. "What did I say 'bout playin' nice with my employees?"

"I am playing nice." Alastor sat beside her and crossed one leg of the other. "But they're not here right now, are they?"

"That doesn't mean ya can go round insultin' 'em behind their backs!"

"I'm not insulting them behind their backs. As I've said, they're not even here! Ha-ha!"

Tina stood and faced him. "That's not what I meant and you—"

"Please!" Vaggie covered her ears. "Can't you two just shut it for five minutes?!"

"What Vaggie means is," Charlie said, putting a hand on her girlfriend's arm, "we called you two here to calmly discuss a very important issue."

"If this is about the Valentine's Day dance," Tina said, sitting back down, "I stand by what I said 'bout a cover charge for non-guests. Keeps lowlife sleazes from crashin' and we'll earn a profit."

"I told you, darling," Alastor said through his teeth. "I can cover the costs easily."

"And where are you gettin' the money? Still chargin' rent for the demons ya," Tina said, using air quotes, "'protect?'"

"Well," Alastor said, crossing his arms, "someone has to pay to feed the sea of guests staying here for free!"

"Which is why sellin' tickets for events like Valentine's Day will help!"

"Few demons are attracted to this hotel as it is! You think they'll actually want to pay to be here?"

"At least I'm comin' up with some ideas h—"

"Enough!" Vaggie slammed her hands on the desk. "We'll discuss Valentine's Day later, but that's not why we called you here."

Alastor and Tina turned to the other two managers. Charlie sat in the big chair while Vaggie stood at her side. Behind them was a big blackboard. Charlie often used it to brainstorm, but right now it was blank.

"Okay, so…" Charlie clapped her hands together, looking very hesitant. "We've been getting some…concerns."

Her eyes flitted towards Alastor, who huffed. "It was that Rosemary, wasn't it? Whatever she told you, it isn't true!"

Tina narrowed her eyes. "Ya chased her round the kitchen with a bloody leg!"

He waved his hand. "It was a joke! At least it was lamb and not a lamb demon!"

"Al, ya know she's an animal-lover!"

"As am I, but do you see me denying my place in the food chain?"

"Again," Vaggie said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Not the issue here, but we'll talk about that later too."

"This isn't about you, Al," Charlie said. "Well, it is, but…" The corners of her mouth quivered as she glanced between the dysfunctional couple. "These concerns are about…both of you."

Tina straightened up. "Say what now?"

"Your constant marital spats," Vaggie said tiredly. "We know we said we wouldn't intervene, but all your bickering has been disrupting our work and our guests."

Tina crossed her arms. "Excuse me, but you were the ones who said I had to keep an eye on Al."

"We know," Charlie said. "That doesn't change the fact that you've been arguing an awful lot lately."

"I don't see why I'm here." Alastor folded his arms across his chest, looking at his wife out of the corner of his eye. "I'm not the one who starts these arguments."

Tina glared sideways at him. "I'm not the one who won't quit pointlessly tryin' to woo my ex."

"At least I'm being civil."

"I already said I'm not gettin' back together with you! Why can't ya just accept that?"

"Because you're my wife," Alastor said firmly. "And that used to mean something to you."

Tina huffed. "It didn't when ya proposed."

"You know very well what our circumstances were then!"

"Well you clearly don't know what our circumstances are now!"

"A husband and wife not cohabiting are still husband and wife!"

"Stop it! Both of you!" Vaggie pulled at her hair. "This is exactly what we're talking about! No one can focus on whatever they're doing, because you two are always harping on each other over every little fucking thing!"

"He/She started it!" Alastor and Tina said simultaneously, pointing at each other.

"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!"

"Vaggie!" Charlie said.

Vaggie took a breath. "Look. It doesn't matter to us whether you're back together or not. But if you two don't find some way to get along, you're going to create a chaotic work environment for everyone else here."

"Which is why," Charlie said, rising from her seat excitedly, "Vaggie and I welcome you to…"

She pushed the rolling chair aside and flipped over the blackboard, revealing two words written in all caps.

"Marriage Counseling!" Charlie exclaimed, waving a pair of jazz hands.

Alastor and Tina stared at the Princess, both saying, "What?"

"Don't worry!" Charlie held up her pointer fingers. "I've been studying with Dr. Cougarton, and learned that the best way to settle a disagreement between spouses is for both parties to speak their minds and get to the root of the problem!"

Alastor scoffed. "Surprisingly sound advice from a psychiatrist who can't keep it in her skirts."

"Yeah, that's why we didn't invite her to this meeting," Vaggie said.

"Princess," Tina said, clasping her hands together, "I appreciate what you're tryin' to do, but this feud is between me and Al."

"I'm surprised at you, darling," Alastor said with a smirk. "Since when are you ever afraid to speak your mind?" He gestured to the blackboard. "And now comes the opportunity."

Tina opened her mouth to rebut this, but Vaggie interrupted. "Just go with Charlie's idea, okay? She was up all night planning this out."

"I'm game!" Alastor turned to Tina. "How about you, sweetheart?"

The Songbat glanced at Charlie, who was jumping up and down eagerly. Then Tina sighed in relent.

"Let's just get this over with."

"Excellent!" Charlie flipped over the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk. "Okay. So, there's been a lot of negativity between the two of you lately. That goes without saying. So, we'll start off by trying to focus on some positivity."

She wrote POSITIVE on the board. "I want the two of you to take turns saying positive things about each other." She underlined the word. "Things that you like and appreciate about each other. For example."

Charlie took her girlfriend's hand. "Vaggie, I love how supportive you are in my work, even when no one else is." She booped her nose. "Now you say something nice back!"

Vaggie rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Charlie, I like how you somehow manage to find a bright side to everything. Even if there isn't one."

"See?" Charlie held her arms out towards Alastor and Tina. "Now you try. Who wants to go first?"

"This sounds easy enough!" Alastor turned to his wife. "Tina, my darling, I love how brutally honest you are, never afraid to speak the truth."

Even if it's hurtful, he finished in his head.

"Good," Charlie said. "Now Tina, say something you like about Alastor."

Tina shifted in her seat, focusing more on Charlie's expectant gaze than on her husband's. "I suppose he's…a good cook?"

Alastor blinked. "That's it? That's all you can say?"

"If you're only doin' this to feed your ego—"

"No, no, it's a good start. I didn't say these needed to be big things. Now." Charlie went back to writing on the blackboard. "Unfortunately, as much as we'd like to avoid the negativity in our relationships, we can't ignore that it's there."

She underlined the word NEGATIVE. "This is why arguments tend to break out between couples, but they are perfectly normal as long as the couple is able to work through their differences in the end. So, now I would like you to say something you don't like about each other. For exam—"

Tina didn't wait for a demonstration. "I don't like how he won't just let go of the past."

"Hmm." Alastor examined his fingernails. "I could say the same about you, dear."

"Alright." Charlie puffed her cheeks from the growing awkwardness. "Now say something positive again, then negative, then just keep going until you run out of things to say."

"What's the point of this again?" Tina grumbled.

"To get everything off your chest," Charlie said, circling her hands from her chest outwards, "and out into the open."

The Songbat hung her head back. "Do we have to?"

"The sooner you do this," Vaggie said, crossing her arms, "the sooner we can all get back to work."

"Allow me to go first again." Alastor turned his full attention to his wife. "Tina, I like your razor-sharp wit, and how you always manage to make me laugh."

Tina looked down at her lap. "He's kinda funny. Sometimes."

"Negative, now? Let's see." He rubbed his chin, as if finding it a difficult task. "I don't care much for your interest in," he cleared his throat, "pop music."

"I don't care much for your diet," Tina retorted.

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea," Vaggie whispered to her partner.

"No, shh." Charlie waved her hand. "This is getting good."

"I like how fearless you are," Alastor said.

"I like how," Tina said with a gulp, "patient ya are."

"But I don't like how stubborn you are."

She snorted. "Ditto."

"Oh, but I like it at the same time. Does that count?"

Charlie circled her hand. "Keep going."

Alastor paused to look Tina over. "You have gorgeous eyes."

The Songbat glanced at him briefly. "Ya have…nice hair."

His voice became softer, more sincere. "I don't like it when you frown."

She turned her head away. "I don't like how ya smile like a creepy-ass Cheshire Cat all the time."

He didn't miss a beat in coming up with the next compliment. "Your voice is like an angel's."

Tina blushed. "Your voice ain't so bad either."

"I don't like it when you cry."

"I don't like it when you're pushy."

"I love how you'll never back down from a fight."

Her shoulders relaxed. "I love…how non-judgmental ya can be."

Alastor leaned slightly towards her. "I don't like…how we left things ten years ago."

Tina turned and finally met his gaze. "Me neither."

Both were silent. As they locked eyes, their resentment melted away into something more peaceful, but equally strong. It came as a surprise to Vaggie, after seeing the couple argue nonstop all week. Is Charlie's plan actually working?

"Alright!" Charlie clapped her hands, snapping Alastor and Tina out of their daze. "We're making progress! So, from what I've gathered from your…discussions, you two didn't marry for love, correct?"

Alastor's eyes flitted between the Princess and his wife. "Our relationship was initially professional, yes."

"Platonic, at best," Tina muttered.

"And when did that change for you?" Charlie asked.

Alastor and Tina shared a glance. Charlie and Vaggie had never seen the Radio Demon look so flustered before. His face was redder than his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me," Charlie said. "I just want a clearer picture of the situation here."

Tina crossed one leg over the other and tucked a stray hair out of her face. "Extermination Day, 2005."

Alastor took a moment to count on his fingers. "Thirty-seven days prior."

Tina raised an eyebrow. "When was that?"

He hesitated, glancing at Charlie and Vaggie. Then he turned back to Tina, held up his left hand, and traced his finger from his wrist and down his arm. Tina's eyes widened as she clamped a hand around her own left wrist.

"Seriously? That night?"

"I'd never felt closer to you," he said simply.

Tina held her wrist to her chest with a blush. "But that was when ya—"

"I know." His lips fell over his teeth. "Don't forget what happened earlier that evening."

Alastor then ran his hand along his middle.

"Oh." Tina bit her lip. "That…makes more sense."

Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other in confusion.

"Could we, uh," Charlie said, "have a bit more context, please?"

"It's, uh…" Tina looked downward and planted her hands between her legs. "Private."

"Uh, okay?" Charlie cleared her throat. "As long as you two know what you're talking about, we'll move onto a more difficult question." She laced her fingers together and took a deep breath. "What exactly broke you up?"

Alastor stiffened and glanced at Tina, who was wringing her hands nervously.

"Take your time," Charlie said. "Whatever it was, I'm sure it's painful to re—"

"We had a disagreement," Alastor replied hastily, "and couldn't come to a compromise. Simple as that."

Tina turned to him with wide eyes.

"Uh, yeah." Charlie smiled weakly. "Again, going to need some context."

"I don't see why you should," Alastor snapped, "as it isn't any of your business."

"Whoa, Al." The Princess held up her hands. "We're just trying to—"

He uncrossed his legs and summoned his staff. "We didn't come here to be pointlessly interrogated."

Charlie and Vaggie didn't understand why the Radio Demon was suddenly so defensive after answering their other questions with little resistance. Tina was equally stunned.

"Tina," Vaggie said, "maybe you could explain—?"

Alastor held his staff in front of his wife. "She doesn't have to answer to you, if she doesn't wish to!"

He slammed his staff on the floor and rose from his seat. "Your efforts are noble, Charlotte, but I believe my wife is correct. This is between her and me alone, and we will not discuss the subject any further! So sorry to have inconvenienced you. It was not our intention. Good day."

Alastor bowed, turned on his heel and went swiftly out the door. Tina got up and followed after him. Vaggie was about to do the same when Charlie grabbed her arm and whispered, "Let them go. We've done all we can for now."

In the lobby, Husk was teaching some of the new recruits how to mix drinks. But as soon as the Radio Demon came storming in, his radio static crackling like he'd lost a signal, they bolted out. The ladies who had been chatting on the couch quickly followed suit.

Tina finally caught up to her husband. "Al, can we talk?"

"Oh!" Alastor stopped and spun around. "Now you wish to talk? What do you think I've been trying to do all week?"

"Oh, shut up."

He narrowed his eyes. "You just said you wished to talk!"

"Al—"

"Well, which is it? Shut up or talk?"

"Nope." Husk gathered as many bottles as he could carry and slipped into the back room. "Not dealing with this shit."

Tina slapped her face and ran her palm down, trying to calm herself. "Why didn't ya tell 'em?"

Alastor's gaze softened as he placed his hands and staff behind his back. "I didn't see any reason to. You frustrate and exhaust me with your resistance, but not so much that I'm inclined to sully your honor."

"That's just it, Al." She looked up at him, more bewildered than angry. "We both know what happened. So why are ya tryin' so hard? If anythin', you're the one who should be hatin' me right now."

"Mon amour." He shook his head and took a step forward. "I could never hate you."

She hung her head. "Ya have every reason to."

Alastor bent down and caught her chin, tipping it upwards. "There is no power in Heaven or Hell that will make me ever stop loving you."

Tina gently pushed his hand down. "But why?"

"Must I spell it out for you, darling?" He sighed. "Very well."

Alastor held up his left hand, presenting the black ring on his finger. "This is why. Call me old-fashioned, but in my day, when a man married a woman, it became his solemn duty to look after her. Since I put this ring on, I've held true to that vow, and do not intend to break it anytime soon."

He glanced at her bare left hand. "Even if my wife doesn't hold the same sentiments."

That hand went up to cover her brooch. "And…what if the woman didn't need the man to look after her?"

"He'd still be there for her." Alastor straightened up. "He'll be whatever she needs him to be. A lover, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, even just someone to hold her up when no one else will."

He settled his hands on her shoulders. "Tina, I'm right here, ready to be whatever you need me to be."

She touched his hands, but did not push them off. "We both know that's not true, Al."

"But it is." Alastor leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. "If you don't love me anymore, that's fine. I didn't care for your affection when we first married."

"Then what do ya want?"

His hands moved to cup her face. "Just for you to call me your husband again."

"Please, Al." Tina closed her eyes. "Ya gotta move on. I'm not worth waitin' for."

A tear streamed down her cheek. Alastor wiped it away with a thumb.

"That's where you're wrong, darling." He stroked her jawline, bringing his hand down to her chin, the other resting on her shoulder. "You're worth enough to wait a lifetime. And more."

He whispered in her ear, "Which I have already done."

Tina opened her eyes just as he moved back to look at her face, and she found herself transfixed.

Alastor was willing to back off completely if she swatted his hand away, or at least said something. Surprisingly, she didn't. Simply stared up at him with those luminous, violet eyes that could rival that amethyst brooch of hers. All week, he'd seen nothing but disdain in them, but now he saw confusion. And something else.

Tina didn't know why she wasn't resisting his touch. Maybe it was the tenderness in it. Or the sincerity in his voice. Or that damn look in his eyes. As far as she could remember, his eyes had always held that look whenever they fell upon her, accompanied by that small but genuine smile. To this day, she still didn't know what he thought he saw when he looked at her that way. But it must've been something wonderful.

She knew it was stupid to be pushing away a man like this. Psychopathy aside, Alastor had been the first man to see any real value in her. Not as a piece of ass, but as a person with hopes and dreams and faults. A lot of faults. He'd often called her the perfect woman, but it was far from the truth. Despite all that had happened between them, his loyalty had not faltered.

Alastor turned his attention to Tina's mouth. She quivered as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip, but made no move to stop him. He'd had a brief taste of her when she'd first arrived at the hotel, but it had been so long since he'd properly savored the one pair of lips he'd ever desired in any capacity. The thought of them reuniting in such a small, but passionate manner, for them to once again make a wordless, but meaningful promise to each other, sent a pleasant chill up his spine.

He dared to lean forward. Slowly, to give her the opportunity to pull away. He was still a gentleman, after all. But she didn't even flinch. In fact, her eyes were fluttering closed, as if she were welcoming it.

I know you still love me, my precious. Alastor closed his eyes, ready to meet her lips. Please, grant me this one privilege.

"What's going on here?!"

Alastor opened his eyes and narrowed them at Vaggie, who came stomping up to them. "A very important, private conversation that doesn't concern you, Vagatha."

Vaggie whipped out her spear. "Step away from her. Now."

"Wait." Tina held up a hand. "He wasn't—"

"It's fine, dear." Alastor retracted his hands and straightened up. "I overstepped my bounds." He put a fist to his chest and bowed. "Adieu."

He sent Vaggie a death glare as he passed her. Damn moth. I was this close!

Alastor went out the front door, thinking a walk might help cool his head, and slammed the door hard enough to shake the hotel. Tina watched him, bringing her fingers to her lips.

Vaggie put away her spear and took the Songbat by the shoulders. "Did he hurt you?"

"What? No!" Tina shrugged her off. "Al's a pain in the ass, but he wouldn't do a thing like that!"

Vaggie blinked. "You're kidding. Don't you know what kind of man he is? What he did to get here?"

"Of course I do!" Tina placed her hands on her hips. "I'm not an idiot!"

"Yeah, I've been trying to wrap my head around that." Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose. "You seem like a smart person. So how did someone like you get mixed up with the Radio Demon? Let alone married him?!"

"What else was I supposed to do?" Tina gestured to their surroundings. "When ya start out in this hellhole with nothin', ya gotta do what ya can to survive. And Al was a better option than guys like Valentino who asked for more than simple marriage vows in return."

Vaggie gave her a deadpan look. "He's a psychopath."

"I ain't no saint neither. Don't get me wrong." Tina held up her hands. "I've never really been big on his eatin' habits. But I also know he'd never do anythin' to hurt me."

Vaggie shook her head. "Still don't get it."

"Who are you to criticize, anyway?" Tina crossed her arms. "You're datin' the daughter of the literal Devil."

"Charlie's different." Vaggie pressed her hands together. "She can't help who her dad is, and even though she was never given the chance for judgment, she still wouldn't hurt a fly. Her soul is pure. Naïve, but pure."

Vaggie's face took on a fond look for a moment, before hardening again. "But Alastor chose to be a sinner. And it wasn't just one small slipup for him. Everything he does is deliberate, never caring if it's wrong or right, just so long as it suits his needs."

Tina turned her back to her. "Why do ya think I left?"

At that, Vaggie became fearful. "What did he do?"

"What did he do?" The Songbat paused and looked down at her feet. "Nothin'."

Vaggie blinked. "Nothing?"

"Absolutely nothin'." Tina plopped her forehead into her hand. "That was just the problem."

"That doesn't make any sense. If he didn't do anything, what is all this fighting a—?"

"Like we said!" Tina snapped around. "It's none of your fuckin' business!" She poked Vaggie in the chest. "And if you and the Princess know what's good for y'all, you'll butt out!"

And with that, the Songbat turned up her nose and flew up the stairs. A few minutes later, a loud SLAM echoed throughout the hotel. Charlie peered out of the office.

"What's going on out here?"

Vaggie sighed. "Apparently, your little matchmaking scheme has derailed us into an episode of Moonlighting."

Charlie tilted her head. "What does that mean?"

Vaggie went up to pat her shoulder. "I'll show you later."