WELCOME TO THE SMASHINESS, NEIGHBORS!
Hello and welcome to A Taste of Smashiness! If this is your first time here, I greatly and happily welcome you to my little old fanfic. This is basically a story that started out as a weird, messily written, s***-post-like comedy with a k+ rating about cooking shenanigans that somewhere in the over 2-year span I've been writing it grew a plot and became a crazy, intriguingly written, twisty-turny comedy/adventure with a T+ rating about breaking the fourth wall in order to save some of our beloved Smashers. And if this isn't your first time here, thanks for putting up with that intro-description-explanation thingy. I linked this chapter to my Hello Neighbor blog on Tumblr and I wanted the newcomers who clicked that link to feel welcomed *winks at reader*.
Yes! This be a Hello Neighbor chapter! This is also my April Fools Day chapter, but unlike my other April Fools chapter (Chapter Sixteen and A-Half), this half-chapter is relevant to the ongoing story; it's just so out of nowhere and different from many other chapters that I figured I'll make it a half chapter. Ta-daaa.
Enough rambling! It's neighbor time! LET'S GET NEIGHBORLY!
"Yo, are you asleep?"
The Neighbor opened his eyes at the sound of someone asking one of those questions where if the person gets an answer that answer is always 'no'. He sat up and looked around. Usually when that darn new guy from across the street breaks in he usually doesn't say a single word as he tried to get into the basement, so the Neighbor was surprised that he was awakened by a voice. What was even more surprising was the fact that it seemed no one was around.
Irritated that his sleep was interrupted, he figured he must have heard one of the TVs he accidently left on and lied back down to try to go back to sleep.
"Hey, you didn't answer my question!"
Darn TV. I have got to start turning stuff off before leaving the room for now on. He thought to himself as he ignored the voice.
"HEY OLD MAN! ANSWER ME!"
The Neighbor jumped out of bed at the sound of that. He looked around again but not only did he not see anyone around, all of his bear traps were still set, even the three he put at his bedroom's doorway. Had he gone even crazier? What could possibly be yelling at him that-
"HEY, LOOK UP!"
Well, he looked up alright. He looked at his ceiling and found a little girl in a flying clown cart staring back at him. "So are you asleep?" she asked as just casually sat there, staring down at the Neighbor like it was completely normal for her to be up there, talking to strangers.
"WHAT THE S***?" the Neighbor exclaimed, grabbing the first thing he could get his hands on. He picked up one of his mannequins and pointed it at the girl in defense. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
The little girl shrugged. "Uh, okay," she replied as she reached down into the flying clown cart. The girl didn't seem to know exactly how to maneuver her ride because the cart shot forward three feet then abruptly stopped only to slowly back up five feet. "Uuuuuuugh. Hold on..." she muttered under her breath as she seemed to push random button on the floor of the cart. It suddenly the propeller of the cart popped in and wheels popped out. The ride then fell to the ground, where the girl was able to push some other button and started driving out the bedroom door, the cart knocking aside bear traps as it went.
The Neighbor dropped the mannequin and watched in arrant confusion as the girl rode down the hallway, only to stop in front of a closed door. It was the door to the bathroom. She parked the now four-wheeled clown cart right there and sat back as if this was where she was supposed to be.
He walked over to the peculiar little girl and studied her for a bit. The girl hugged her knees as she sat there in the clown cart while staring at the bathroom door in complete contentment. The Neighbor had no idea how old the kid was, but looking her over he guessed around fourteen. She was a brunette with a haircut that barely went past her chin, even with the top hat she was wearing pushing down her hair. She was wearing a light blue tank top that read "History Maker" on it in white block letters, regular blue jeans with purple paint splattered here and there on it, and no shoes for some reason, only cottons sock with the PS1 logo printed all over them.
Why do young people keep breaking into my house? The Neighbor pondered before saying to the child, "I told you to leave."
The girl finally looked up. "Oh, uh, yeah I know. I'm just waiting for Larry,"
"Larry?" the Neighbor made a face and asked. "Who's Larry?"
Of course, at that very moment, the bathroom door flew open and out step Larry the Koopa Kid with a long piece of toilet paper attached to one of his feet. "That be me, mother trucker!" he declared, laughing at his own choice of words. He jumped up into the air, high-fived the ceiling, and then landed in his clown cart. "Impressed yet?" he asked the Neighbor while sitting on top of the girl's knees.
"Yeah, this is Larry." the girl said to the Neighbor, who was making a face of utter bewilderment. "He insisted on using the bathroom before finding my sister," the child turned her attention to Larry now and asked, "Can we go find her now?"
Larry faced the girl and exclaimed, "Of course, Ranch! Of course!..." He held the gleeful expression on his face while staring at Ranch for a weird moment before continuing, "...There's just one prob-"
"You lost the toaster, didn't you?" The girl, Ranch, sighed as she rested her arms on the back of the clown cart.
"Yuuuup." Larry nodded his head rather recklessly. "But hey, look at it this way: It would have been amazing if I didn't lose it. After all, this is ME we're talking about here! Ha ha! And to think this is the fourth time today that I've used-"
"Yeah, you both are leaving now."
Ranch and Larry looked up just in time to watch the Neighbor reach down and pick up the cart with the two still in it. He was somehow able to hoist the contraption over his head and begin carrying down the hall! Darn brats. Breaking into my house and then talking about random s*** I don't understand. He thought to himself as he huffed towards the front door.
"Whoo-hoo! Free ride!" Larry cheered as jumped up and down on Ranch's knees.
"Uh, yeah, that's cool in all," Ranch said as she held onto her hat. "but we really could have just driven ourselves out, neighb-"
"Too late, you're already out." The Neighbor replied as he kicked the front door open and threw them onto his front lawn. The cart somehow landed on its wheels and the two kids somehow didn't fall out of said cart, Ranch just dropped her hat. "And stay out!" The Neighbor exclaimed as he slammed the door behind him.
He immediately walked over to his kitchen, grabbed a chair, went back to the front door and used it to barricade it. That should keep them out. He thought to himself. He then looked out one of his windows and saw that the two trouble makers were still in his yard talking about something.
"...So without the toaster, we can't do nothin'!" The Neighbor heard Larry say as he picked up Ranch's top hat from the ground and handed it to her.
Ranch put back on the hat and shook her head. "Uh, I don't agree with that. Can't you just, uh, build another dimension hopper at the Smash Mansion? You did say earlier that you have a whole collection of toasters in your room."
Larry's face broke out in a huge toothy smile as he hopped up and stood on top of Ranch's knees. "By golly, you're right! Off to the mansion, Ranch! The sooner, the better! Ants shall be found!"
"Yay!" Ranch cheered as she pushed a button on the cart's floor. Suddenly the wheel of the cart retracted and out popped the propeller again. The two then flew into the sky and started flying towards the bad side of town, where the Smash Mansion was.
The Neighbor shook his head as he walked into his hallway. I'll never understand that generation. He thought to himself as he went over to the hallway closet and opened it in search of his TV remote.
...Instead, he found that guy from across the street in there again! "Gosh damn it!" the Neighbor gasped as he grabbed the trespasser by the collar and began carrying him like a sack of potatoes to the front door. "How many times do I have to throw you out of my house before it gets through your darn thick skull that I don't want you- ARGH!"
The neighbor screamed as he tripped over a toaster and he and the protagonist fell to the floor.
Thanks for reading!