I'm a Fool to Want You

by DisneyFanatic2364

Direct sequel to "Let's Fall in Love." A club owner called the Songbat offers her services to the Hazbin Hotel, as well as some potential guests. But things become complicated when it's discovered that she and Alastor have a history. They haven't seen each other in ten years, but Alastor is determined to win his wife back no matter what.

11. Drinking Again

Title Song: "Drinking Again" by Frank Sinatra

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS REFERENCES TO SEXUAL ASSAULT, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, NUDITY, AND...pretty much what's expected in the world of "Hazbin Hotel."

---

Tina needed some air, so she took the elevator up to the roof of the hotel. But she wasn't the only one there. Angel Dust stood under the big "T," leaning against the wall, inhaling a cigarette.

"Heya, Bat Girl," he said, blowing a red, heart-shaped smoke ring. "Fancy seein' you up here."

Tina crossed her arms. "Ya ain't supposed to smoke."

Angel scoffed. "Like I said, didn't sign your stupid contract."

"Even so, ya made an agreement with Charlie and Vaggie."

"Yeah, yeah. They said 'no drugs under the roof of the hotel.'" He shrugged his upper arms while reaching into his bosom with a lower one. "I ain't under the roof, I'm on it."

He took out a cigarette box and held it out to her. "Want one?"

Tina stiffened as she stared at the box. The smoke from Angel's cigarette blew her way. The potent scent of nicotine and some other drug she couldn't place entered her nostrils. Her fingers twitched at her sides.

"I…I shouldn't," Tina murmured.

Angel rattled the box. "I won't rat ya out if you won't."

She couldn't help it. She needed an escape, if only for a moment.

Just one, she thought. Not like it'll kill me.

Tina gave in and took a cigarette from the box. Angel held out a lighter with another hand. She put the cigarette in her mouth and allowed him to light it. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The familiar rush of euphoria overcame her senses. As she exhaled, she felt her despair and frustration go with the smoke.

Angel smirked. "Ya've done this before. Eh, Miss High-and-Mighty?"

"First one in years." Tina blew a smoke ring. "I smoked when I was alive. And drank. A lot."

He nodded. "What made ya quit?"

She let the cigarette hang from her fingers. "Cancer."

"I overdosed." Angel gestured to his body. "Ya don't see me goin' sober. I mean what's the worst it can do? Kill me again?"

"It's the principal of the matter." Tina pointed her cigarette at him.

"Right." He looked up at the red sky. "Let me ask ya somethin', toots. Ya say ya don't believe in the whole redemption gets ya to Heaven thing. So why try and act all goody-goody if there's no point?"

"Trust me." Tina scoffed as she eyed the white orb above that was Heaven. "I ain't lookin' for salvation from God. He didn't hear my prayers before, why should he now?"

She took another drag from her cigarette. "I just…don't wanna repeat the same mistakes I made in life. If someday I die again, I don't want there to be any more regrets. Even if God rejects me, I wanna be able to say to myself one day that I did the best I could."

Angel whistled. "That's heavy. But it ain't as easy as that, Bat Girl." He rolled his cigarette between his fingers. "Some of us don't have the power to change."

"I once thought that too." She closed a hand over her amethyst brooch. "Believe it or not, it was Al who changed my mind."

Angel scratched his head. "We talkin' 'bout the same guy who gets off watchin' people fail repeatedly at betterin' themselves?" He held up his lower hands. "And I ain't just exaggeratin', he actually said that."

"Yeah, he's an asshole." Tina sighed. "But after we got married, he…he actually tried, ya know? To make me feel at home. We didn't love each other at first, but he was always there for me. He'd come to every one of my shows, cheer me up when I was upset, taught me to control my powers…"

She raised the cigarette to her lips. "He made me think I could be more than what I was. Not for him or any other man, but for myself. He was the first man to believe that about me without any strings attached."

"Fuck." Angel laughed. "You're still in love with him, ain't ya?"

"What?" Tina blushed. "No!"

"Come on." He elbowed her in the ribs. "It's a sin to tell a lie, toots!"

She flicked her cigarette away. "How'd ya know that song?"

He blinked. "What song?"

"Never mind." She shook her head. "I ain't lyin'."

"Ya so are." He pointed at her with a wink. "I've seen the electricity tween you and Smiles. Ya wanna bone him like a dirty dog. And I know he's got the same thing in mind when he looks at you."

Tina scoffed. "Ya obviously don't know Al. He's never thought that 'bout anyone in his life." She folded her arms and leaned back against the wall. "Let alone me."

Angel choked on the smoke. "H-Hold up!"

He doubled over to catch his breath. He threw away the cigarette and straightened up.

"Ya mean to tell me the two of ya've been married twenty years," he said, holding up twenty fingers, "and ya've never fucked?!"

Tina shook her head. Angel cradled his own like a kid who'd just learned there was no Santa Claus.

"Don't tell me you're both virgins!"

"He is," she said. "I ain't."

"Shit." Angel smacked his forehead. "No wonder ya broke up! He's left ya high and dry all this time?!"

"In his defense," Tina said, holding up a finger, "he warned me from the start he wasn't into that sort of thing."

"Back up. Let me wrap my head around this." He rubbed his temples. "Alastor, the Radio Demon, that tall drink of water with all the makings of a sex god, is a fuckin' virgin?!"

"Unbelievable, I know." She rolled her eyes. "I mean it's not like I haven't tried to change that. Once we started really likin' each other, of course. I put on a negligee once and his reaction was to cover me with a sheet and say I'd catch a cold." She snorted. "Damn gentleman."

"Did ya try handcuffs?"

Tina held up her wrists. "He slid right outta them."

Angel started listing items off his fingers. "Knife play?"

"Thought I was invitin' him on a hunt."

"Whips?"

"Complimented me on my new fightin' technique."

"Slip him a happy pill?"

Tina gaped. "What kind of sicko drugs her husband?!"

"Okay, okay!" Angel held up his hands. "Have ya tried gettin' him to lick food off ya?"

"Ha!" She hung her head back. "I once came home covered in blood! And ya know what he did once he realized it wasn't mine? Threw me in the tub!"

"Ooh!"

"Fully clothed."

His smile dropped. "Oh."

"Yeah." Tina sighed. "If he has a kink, I haven't found it yet."

"Everyone has a kink." Angel scratched his head with one hand and rubbed his chin with another. "Ya sure he ain't secretly gay?"

"We're in Hell," she said bluntly. "What would be the point of that?"

"Hey. I've run into my fair share of closet cases down here."

"Besides, he can't be gay if he claims to be in love with me."

"Yeah, but you know." Angel weighed his hands. "Lovin' and wantin' sex aren't necessarily the same thing. If it were, I'd've fallen in love with every dude I've fucked."

"Have you, though?"

"Have I what?

She ran a hand through her hair. "Had sex with someone ya love?"

Angel Dust bit his lip and looked back up at the sky. "A couple times, maybe. At least I thought I was in love at the time, but…"

Tina nodded. "Me too."

He turned to her with wide eyes. "Aw, babe, don't tell me."

She rubbed her arms. "I may not have ever been in your line of work, but I might as well have. In a way, I also sold my soul and body to get what I wanted. Someone like that sleezy boss of yours made me think that was the only way. Eventually it became a sick habit, until…one guy came along I thought was different, but…I was wrong again."

She didn't cry, but her voice was soft and broken. Angel reached out a hand, unsure if he should try comforting her. He didn't know the woman well, after all. But he knew her pain all too well.

"So, uh…" He cleared his throat. "Did ya ever happen upon any of them shitheads down here?"

"Yeah. Ran into my old agent 'bout twenty years ago." Tina smirked. "Al served him up in a stew for Valentine's Day." She held up a finger. "Not that I ate it, of course."

Angel clutched his stomach and laughed. "Boy, what I'd give to have someone serve Val up in a stew!"

"Moth stew?" She gagged. "Come on, Wilbur was at least somethin' remotely edible."

"You're right. Not a lotta meat on those skimpy little legs of his!" He gasped and covered his mouth. "Uh, don't tell Val I said that."

Tina zipped her mouth closed.

"Okay, all kiddin' aside," Angel said, placing a hand on his hip, "Smiles seriously committed murder for ya?"

"Oh, yeah." She rolled her eyes. "More times than I can count on my fingers."

"How 'bout mine?" The spider held up his many hands.

She chuckled. "Lost count after ten. Was part of our agreement, see. I marry him, he takes care of anyone who tries to mess with me."

"Tryin' to imagine Smiles as a jealous husband." Angel wiggled his brow. "Is he that hot?"

"Yeah." Realizing how dreamy that sounded, Tina shook her head. "I mean no! He's—"

"I knew it!" He snapped four sets of fingers and pointed at her. "Ya are still crazy over him! Admit it!"

"No!" She turned her flushed face away.

"Come on, what's the point in hidin' it?" He threw up his arms. "Do ya have any idea how many demons down here would kill to be in your position? To have an Overlord at your beck and call without havin' to do anythin' besides sign a marriage license?"

Angel processed what he'd just said and dropped his arms. "Ya know somethin', toots? You're a fuckin' moron."

Tina spun around with her mouth agape. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, ya heard me." He crossed his lower arms. "Ya've got a husband who's hot," he said listing off of one hand, "rich, powerful and devoted as fuck. Shit, the guy let ya slap him around onstage in front of like a hundred people just to get ya to smile! Not to mention in all the time ya've been away he's rejected every one of my advances!"

She narrowed her eyes. "I told ya he's not gay!"

"He cooks all your favorite dishes, leaves ya gifts every mornin' at your door—yeah, I see 'em—and practically worships the ground ya walk on! Sure, he won't sleep with ya, but it's obvious he's head over heels in love with ya!"

Tina clenched her hands into fists. "I know that."

"Then what's the fuckin' problem?!"

Before the bat could explode, the roof door flew open. Angel hastily crushed out his still burning cigarette with the toe of his boot.

"Tina!" Vaggie ran up to them. "I've been looking for you every—" She stopped and sniffed the air. "Is that…cigarette smoke?"

"No," Tina and Angel said at once.

"Whatever." Vaggie shook her head. "Tina, I need you to come downstairs. It's Alastor."

Tina rolled her eyes. "What's he done this time?"

"He's drunk."

Tina snorted. "Good one."

"No, seriously." Vaggie grabbed her by the shoulders. "Alastor is crazy, dead-ass drunk!"

"What ya talkin' 'bout? Al doesn't get drunk."

"Don't believe me?" Vaggie stepped back and gestured to the door. "See for yourself."

---

Tina, Angel and Vaggie had to duck upon entering the lobby as a vase came hurdling towards them. It hit the stairs behind them.

"Take me out to the ball—hic—game!"

"Alastor?" Tina rushed ahead.

Alastor was wandering around the lobby in a discombobulated state, swinging his microphone around like a baseball bat. Organ music accompanied his singing.

"Take me out to the —hic—crowd!"

Two demonesses reading on the couch jumped up as Alastor swung the mic their way. They dashed out of the room screaming. The second the mic hit the couch, it sprouted wings and flapped away.

"Buy me some peanuts and cra—hic—acker jacks!"

Alastor's mic hit the coffee table. It flashed to life with a neigh and giddy upped like a horse.

"Tina!" Charlie ran up to the Songbat with a hand over her heart. "Thank goodness you're here!"

"The hell is goin' on here?" Tina demanded. "What's up with—?"

"Tiii—hic—naa!"

Alastor raced towards his wife with his arms outstretched. Then he tripped over an ottoman and fell to the floor.

Angel snickered, holding up his phone. "Aw man, this shit's comedy gold!"

Tina scowled at the spider. "You recordin' this?"

"Livestreamin', baby!"

Tina snatched the phone from his hand and threw it against the wall, smashing it to pieces.

"Hey!" Angel pointed at Tina and the remnants of his phone, which Niffty was sweeping up. "Any idea how many dicks I had to suck to pay for that?!"

"I'll buy ya a new one. Right after we take care of—"

Tina yelped as something caught her ankle. She looked down to see Alastor at her feet. His face was flushed redder than his glowing eyes. His monocle had fallen off, now dangling by his ear.

"Tina my pussy—hic—willow!" He rubbed his cheek against her leg, purring like a cat. "You've come back to—hic—brush my coat?"

"Okay." Tina pointed down at Alastor and placed a hand on her hip. "Which one of y'all broke my husband?"

Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty pointed at the bar. A tiny top hat was peeking over the counter.

"Husker!" Tina shouted.

"Wasn't my fault!" Husk sprang up and pointed at the Radio Demon. "The bastard threatened to rip my tail off!"

"Dar—hic—ling," Alastor said, peering up Tina's skirt, "have you always worn—hic—scarlet underwear?"

Tina held down her skirt and stepped out of Alastor's hold. He crawled back towards her.

"Baby doll, don't—hic—leave me."

He grabbed Tina's skirt and lifted himself up. Before she could push him off, Alastor threw his arms around her waist and pressed his face to her stomach.

"If you—hic—refuse me," he sang loudly, "Honey you'll lose—hic—me!"

"Goddamn it, Al." Tina pushed down on his arms, but they held her tight. "How many drinks did ya have?"

"Four—" He hiccupped. "—teen?"

Everyone darted their eyes at Husk.

"Hey!" The cat demon raised his paws. "You try saying no to a murdering psycho!"

"Oh you beautiful—hic—doll," Alastor found Tina's shoulders and hoisted himself up to his knees. "You great big—hic—beautiful doll!"

He flung his arms around her neck. "Let me put my—hic—arms about you!"

Angel covered his mouth as he snickered.

"I can never—" Alastor hiccupped, his head dropping onto Tina's chest. "—live without you!"

Angel Dust couldn't hold it back anymore. He clutched his head and stomach as he laughed.

"This isn't funny, Angel!" Vaggie exclaimed.

"Come on!" Angel wiped away a tear. "Ya gotta admit it's a little funny! Even while drunk, Deer Boy's a simp for Bat—oof!"

The flying couch hit him in the head and he fell backward. Vaggie smirked.

"Now it's funny."

"Can we get back to the matter at hand here?" Tina pointed down at Alastor, who was nuzzling his face into her breasts. "I'm this close to smackin' him into next Tuesday."

"We were hoping," Charlie said with a nervous grin, "you would know what to do."

"Me? The fuck am I supposed to do?"

"You're his wife," Vaggie said. "What do you normally do when he gets like this?"

"I don't know!" Tina managed to push Alastor's head back down to her stomach. "He never got drunk when we were together!"

"He did after you left," Husk said.

Tina looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

Alastor groaned as his grip loosened. He slid down Tina's body and collapsed to the floor. Tina backed up before he could grab her again. He giggled as he flipped onto his back. Everyone cautiously bent over and observed him.

"Tina—hic—sweetie!" Alastor pointed upward. "When did you get six heads?"

"We best get him to his room now," Niffty said, "while he's still in this giggle state."

"Hee-hee-hic!" Alastor reached his arms towards Tina. "Gimme a kiss, you tasty dish!"

He puckered his lips while Tina rolled her eyes.

"Don't mind him." Niffty waved her hand. "This is nothing. But we better hurry. After this comes his rage state, and you don't wanna be around for that."

"How do ya know?" Tina asked.

Niffty placed her hands on her hips. "Who do you think had to take care of him while you were gone?"

Her one eye glared at Tina with an animosity the Songbat had never seen in her before. Niffty was usually so animated and friendly. Tina knew Niffty had been upset with her leaving, but now it was like the cyclops was blaming her for Alastor's drunkenness.

"Ti—hic—na!" Alastor whined, still reaching aimlessly. "I'm on the floor!"

Tina sighed and turned to Charlie. "I'll take care of this. Y'all can reprimand him when he's sober."

Charlie glanced down at Alastor in worry. "You sure you can handle—?"

"He's my husband," Tina said, sharing a look with Vaggie. "My responsibility."

The Songbat straightened up. "Husk, you get his legs. Niffty, carry his staff."

Niffty skittered off to get the mic. Husk and Tina knelt down, him taking Alastor's legs, her scooping her arms beneath his pits. Husk and Tina flapped their wings, lifting the drunken deer into the air.

"Whee-hee-hee!" Alastor held out his arms.

"Hold still, Al!" Tina shouted after his sudden movement threw her and Husk off-balance.

"Wait!" Vaggie exclaimed, dodging the galloping coffee table. "What are we supposed to do about the living furniture?"

"Get a candle and teapot and sing 'Be Our Guest?'" Angel quipped.

"Al can't control his powers when drunk," Husk said. "You're just gonna have to wait until he sobers up."

Charlie and Vaggie ducked as the couch swooped down on them.

"So, uh," Charlie said, "any of the guests know how to lasso a couch?"

Meanwhile, Alastor's faraway eyes lolled up at his wife. "Where we—hic—going, schmoopy-schmoo?"

"To the bedroom." Tina looked back as they hovered up the stairs. "Assumin' ya don't make us crash into a wall!"

"Bed—hic—room?" Alastor giggled and booped her nose. "No getting—hic—fresh with me now!"

"Ugh, no!" Tina tried to sound more soothing. "Just gonna have a nice, long chat. Husband-to-wife."

Because he was so skinny, Alastor wasn't hard to carry between Tina and Husk. But he was also so tall that turning corners became a hassle. Not to mention he wouldn't stop wriggling and kicking like a toddler in a car seat.

"Are we—hic—there yet?" Alastor droned on. "Is it lunch—hic—time? I could really go for some cracker jacks and—hic—pig's feet. Hey Tina remember this—hic—one time we went dancing on the moon? Or was it New Jersey? You were wearing a—hic—cowboy hat and kilt. Tina your eyes are like—hic—grapes. Did I tell you about the time I—?"

"Jesus Christ!" Tina groaned. "And I thought he was a fuckin' chatterbox when sober!"

"Oh, it gets worse," Husk said. "Last time he was like this, it was like a volcano erupted in my apartment."

Tina looked down at Alastor. "How many times has this happened?"

"At least twenty, from what I've witnessed," Niffty said, walking alongside them with the microphone slung over her shoulder. "Always a nasty mess for me to clean up afterwards."

"Why didn't y'all tell me this was goin' on?" Tina asked.

"Ya said ya wanted nothing to do with Al," Husk said.

"I told you he was heartbroken when you left." Niffty huffed. "Not that you care what happens to him."

Tina bit her lip guiltily.

"Hey," Husk said. "It ain't your fault he couldn't handle his feelings. You weren't the one who made him drink. And even if you had been there, you ain't his mom."

"Ti-hee-na." Alastor sighed dreamily as he reached up and stroked his wife's cheek. "You're so—hic —pretty."

She didn't say anything as his fingers played with her hair. But she did wince when he pulled on her ear.

"Mon chouchou," Alastor said, reaching up to fiddle with Tina's other ear. "Je veux embrasser tes oreilles."

"What'd he say?" Niffty asked, pressing the elevator button.

"He wants to kiss my ears," Tina said bluntly.

Alastor hummed, further caressing her ears. "So fluffy like a—hic—bunny."

"God Almighty, ain't I been punished enough?" Tina murmured.

Tina's back was aching by the time they got off the elevator. Niffty used her master key to unlock the door to the penthouse suite.

"This room's so—hic—big," Alastor said. "Who needs this much space?"

"Ya can't live without a private kitchen, apparently," Tina said. "Please tell me his bed's behind that door back there."

"Yup!" Niffty dashed over to the door and opened it up.

Alastor must've done some remodeling, because the bedroom was nearly identical to his room back at the manor. From the king-sized bed, to the red bedding, to the Vodou wallpaper, to the mahogany wardrobe, to the hunting trophies on the wall, to the gramophone in the corner. The only major difference was the adjoining bathroom.

Husk and Tina dropped Alastor onto the bed. He laughed as his limp body bounced on the mattress. Tina took off his shoes and monocle, setting them on the floor and nightstand respectively.

"Well," Husk said, rubbing his hands together. "That's that."

"I'll check on you in a few hours, Al," Niffty said, leaning the mic against the nightstand.

Tina watched in bewilderment as the two of them headed for the door. "Y'all aren't stayin'?"

"Like we said," Husk grumbled, "you do not wanna be around for this."

Before Tina could even consider taking a step, her arm was snatched from behind. She yelped as she was pulled onto the bed and into a tight embrace.

"You're not leaving," Alastor said, planting his chin atop her head. "No, no siree Bob."

"I know you're drunk, Al." Niffty cautiously approached with her hand raised. "But that is no way to treat a—"

Alastor snarled with a radio-dial glare. Niffty backed away.

"Okay, okay. She's not going away forever. So if you'll just very slowly let Mrs. Tina go—"

"No!" He squeezed his wife possessively like a child with a favorite toy. "My Tina!"

Niffty turned to Tina. "I'm, uh, so sorry. He's not usually so, uh…"

"Touchy?" Tina said.

"Um, yeah." Niffty twaddled her fingers. "Not with us, anyway."

"So it's just a me thing then." Tina groaned. "Great."

"If you ever leave me how my heart would ache," Alastor sang under his breath, pinching Tina's cheek. "I wanna hug you but I fear you'd break."

Tina waved his hand off, only for it to start petting her hair. "I don't think I'm goin' anywhere anytime soon."

"Uh-uh." Husk put his arms in an X. "We ain't leaving ya alone with this drunken bastard. We weren't kidding, kid. He's gonna get violent real soon."

"I keep a houseful of addicts. Ya think I don't know how to handle a drunk?"

"Most drunks aren't the Radio Demon." Husk took a step forward, but stopped when Alastor hissed. "You've seen how he gets when he's mad. Ya really wanna see what happens when he's mad and drunk?"

Alastor hummed as he flicked Tina's ear. "You great big beautiful doll…"

"I'll take that chance. Besides," Tina said, closing her hand over the arm around her middle, "he didn't abandon me when I got drunk."

Niffty looked at Alastor as he rested his cheek atop Tina's head, purring contently. Niffty knew Alastor would never intentionally hurt Tina. But he wasn't in his right mind now. On the other hand, if anyone could handle the Radio Demon at his worst, it was his wife.

"Um…" Niffty bit her lip. "If you're sure…"

"I am." Tina waved her hand. "Just go. Don't worry 'bout me. Go see if y'all can help round up the livin' furniture downstairs."

Niffty nodded and backed out of the room. Husk was more hesitant. He wanted to help Tina, but he wasn't strong enough to pry her from the Radio Demon's grasp. On another point, Husk had seen first-hand that the Songbat was tougher than she looked, especially where Alastor was concerned.

"We'll come back in an hour," Husk said, crossing his arms. "If the situation escalates, we're pulling ya outta here."

"Deal." Tina pushed against Alastor, who tightened his grip. "Can't shake your hand right now, but I'll take your word for it."

Niffty and Husk sent Tina one last worried look before closing the door behind them, leaving her completely alone with the drunken deer.

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat." Alastor giggled, taking the tip of her wing between two fingers. "How I wonder where you're at."

"Enough." Tina slapped his hand. "Ya know my wings are sensitive, Al."

Static filled the atmosphere, accompanied by low screams and eerie music. Alastor's claws stretched over Tina's hip. The hand she'd slapped clenched her throat.

"Do not d-defy me, little b-bat." The whisper in her ear was gravelly and clipped. "R-Remember you're mine."

Tina remained still. She could hear his spine cracking as he transformed behind her. A single, long claw traced along her throat. One false move and he'd slit it.

She wouldn't deny that she was scared. She'd faced Alastor's dark side before, but this was different. The alcohol had taken control of his mind and body, twisting his love and affection for her into a dangerous form of possessiveness. There was no telling what he could do in a state like this. She would have to tread carefully if she was going to come out of this unscathed.

"Al," Tina said slowly. "I know you're drunk right now and don't really know what you're doin', so I'm gonna give ya five seconds to let go of me. If ya don't, I'll have to use force."

His liquored breath burned against her neck. "I'm never letting you go again. I will take you to my grave, my love."

Tina sighed. "Alright then. So much for the soft approach."

She fanned out her wings, forcing Alastor's arms aside. In the second he drew back, Tina flew off the bed.

Alastor's demonic form crouched down, ready to pounce as red Vodou symbols floated from him. "You come back here before I—"

"No." Tina spun around, her pitch-black eyes locking onto his. "You are not the one in charge here, Al."

The Radio Demon cocked his head as the Songbat grew in height, her claws coming out at her sides.

"I'm not yours." Tina's voice dropped an octave. "I was never yours."

Flapping her wings, she advanced on him. Alastor's ears flattened against his skull as he crawled backwards on the bed.

"I may have given ya my hand," Tina said, hovering over him, "but my soul is, and always has been, mine."

Alastor's eyes blinked back to normal as he gazed up at the terrifying, yet gorgeous bat lady.

"So you don't get to decide whether I stay or go." Tina pinned him down by the shoulders, straddling his waist to prevent him from escaping. "I decide. And right now, you're not in a position to be making any decisions. So you're gonna do exactly as I say, without argument! We clear?"

Alastor's form slowly shrank around him. His eyes and teeth glowed warmly as he continued to stare at her. Then he reached up and booped Tina's nose.

"You're such a cutie-patootie when you're mad, doll."

Tina rolled her eyes as she returned to normal. "Well, at least you're back to spoutin' nonsense."

Alastor glanced at the position of Tina's legs and giggled. "Mrs. Twinkle, you should know I'm a virgin."

Tina blushed and crawled off her husband. "And shamelessly flirtin'."

He moaned as he sat up. "What'd you stop loving me for?" He held out his arms. "I'm lonely for my honeybunch!"

"Good Lord, Al." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't have time for this. Let's get ya to—oomph!"

Alastor attacked her with another hug.

"Pleeeaaase?" He nuzzled his cheek against hers. "Sweetie pie sugarplum?"

She sighed. "God, ya can be such a baby."

"Baby, baby," Alastor muttered into her shoulder. "Big baby."

"That's right." She patted him on the back. "Now it's time for big baby to go to bed."

She was about to lay him down when Alastor retched over her shoulder. Tina stiffened as she felt something warm and wet cascade down her back. She flopped her head onto his shoulder with a groan.

"Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse."

Dragging a seven-foot-tall demon on her own proved to be difficult. Especially when the vomit was weighing her wings down. Somehow, she managed to get Alastor into the bathroom and position him on his knees in front of the toilet.

"Okay." Tina lifted the toilet lid and seat. "Now puke."

"I don't need to—blech!"

As he did his business, she got behind him and pulled his shaggy hair back. The same way he used to do for her.

"Damn it, Al," Tina muttered as he hurled for the fifth time in a row. "I'm supposed to be the drunk one in this relationship."

Alastor gasped for breath and clung to the rim of the toilet. Tina took him by the antlers and tugged his head back so she could flush the vomit.

"Uh oh," Alastor said.

Tina groaned. "What is it now?"

A trickle of liquid was her answer. She looked down to see a yellow puddle forming on the tiled floor.

"Shit." Tina stood up before the puddle could reach her. "Tell me you did not just pee in your pants."

Alastor glanced down and put his fingers to his lips. "Oopsie-doopsie."

She facepalmed. "Well this is just perfect."

Now she was going to have to shower him. Which meant taking off his clothes.

Despite living with him for so long, Tina had never seen her husband naked. She'd seen him in an old-fashioned one-piece swimsuit, once without his shirt, but never completely nude. He'd never allowed it.

"Sorry, Al." Tina knelt down. "Please know that I take no pleasure in this."

She started by unbuttoning his jacket. Alastor didn't struggle, grumbling something about being hot. He got his left arm stuck for a moment, engaging the two of them in a game of tug-of-war. Then Tina undid his bowtie and took off his gloves, putting his wedding ring on the edge of the sink. With much hesitance, she lifted his red shirt with the upside-down black cross. Alastor raised his arms for her on instinct. He kept them up as she took off his white undershirt. When she caught sight of his scarred abs, her conversation with Angel Dust went running through her mind.

It was true. Her husband was what most people would consider a sex god. Under different circumstances, Tina would be all over Alastor. But a drunken moan from him reminded her that this was not the time or place to be thinking of such things.

Her face was flushed harder than his as she began unbuckling his belt. Alastor shrieked and covered his groin with his hands.

"No touchy!"

"Come on, Al," Tina said. "Ya can't expect me to put ya in the shower with your pants on. They're already wet as it is."

"Mmm-mmm." Alastor shook his head. "You ain't pollinating my flower, slut!"

"One, ya've got it backwards. Two, I ain't gonna try anythin'." Tina's voice softened. "I promise, Al. Ya can trust me."

He studied her with those dizzy eyes, as if searching for a reason to doubt her. He must've found none, as he grabbed the rim of the toilet with one hand and hoisted himself up, his other hand still clutching his pants.

"I'll do it myself."

Tina turned around, only to be met with a mirror. Not only could she see Alastor fiddling with his belt, but the drying bile decorating her wings. She twisted her body slightly to see that the back of her dress was stained. Unless she wanted to continue walking around in her husband's puke, she was going to have to shower and change as well.

Alastor yelped as he slipped on his own pee and landed on his butt. Tina turned back to him just as he was yanking his pants off his ankles. She sighed, kneeling down to help him.

"Can't leave ya alone for a minute, can I?"

Once his pants were off, Tina got his socks. Leaving only his damp, white boxer briefs.

"This is for my husband's health," she muttered, looking away as she pulled down on the waistband. "This is for my husband's health."

"I'm cold," Alastor said as the underwear caught on his butt.

When the damn boxers wouldn't budge, Tina finally lost patience and used her claws to rip them apart. Then her eyes widened and she looked away again, her cheeks redder than ever.

It had only been an instant, but she'd seen it. She'd always wondered. Now she knew.

Angel must never find out.

"Okay," Tina squeaked, then cleared her throat. "Let's get ya in the shower before this gets any more awkward."

She did her best to avert her eyes as she hooked her arms under his bare pits and lifted him into the tub. Tina turned the shower on and Alastor shrieked as the cold water hit his back. Once he'd relaxed a little, Tina added some hot water to the mix.

She glanced back at the vomit on her wings. It was really starting to smell. But how could she wash herself off without leaving Alastor? Returning her attention to her husband, who was hugging his knees to his chest, she noticed the tub was big enough for two people.

There was no other way.

Letting the shower run, Tina stood to her feet. She unpinned her brooch, setting it beside Alastor's ring on the sink. Then she reached back and unzipped her dress. Alastor had the misfortune to look just as she was removing her panties.

"Sweet Mother Mary Joseph!" He shielded his eyes and turned his face away.

"It's just to shower, Al." Tina stepped in behind him. "Ya don't even have to look."

She diverted the showerhead so it would rinse them both. She picked up a bar of soap, turned her back to the water and scrubbed her wings. Alastor scooted as close to the drain as he possibly could.

"I'm a dirty boy," he muttered to himself. "Dirty boy, dirty boy, dirty boy."

"Oh, believe me, Al," Tina said as she ran the soap down her furry back. "This was not how I imagined the two of us bein' naked for the first time."

"Unclean." He buried his face in his knees. "I'm unclean. So unclean."

"Yeah, ya are." She squatted down to his level. "Let me help with that."

Tina brought the bar of soap to his back. Alastor tensed and whimpered.

"It's okay," she said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just pretend I'm your mama, okay? Givin' you a bath."

She hummed the tune to his favorite lullaby as she scrubbed his back. After a few minutes, Alastor finally relaxed and let her wash him.

It was strange seeing Alastor like this. He'd always been a bit childish, but Tina couldn't remember a time he'd looked so…helpless. There was plenty wrong with Alastor, but he'd never been a person that needed taking care of. He had been the one to take care of her.

Now she was finally returning the favor.

Once they were clean, Tina got three towels from the linen closet. One she laid out on the floor to soak up the mess. She would ask Niffty to properly clean it later. Tina wrapped the second towel around her body and threw the last one to Alastor. He whined as she knelt down and rigorously dried him off.

That done, Tina lifted Alastor to his feet and tied the towel around his waist. Then she carried him back into the bedroom. They were just a foot away from the bed when his towel came undone. She quickly averted her eyes.

She sat him on the bed and draped the towel over his lap. "Stay here. I'm gonna get your jammies."

"Don't be too long, pookie!" he called tiredly.

Luckily, Alastor still kept his pajamas and underwear in the same drawers. The problem was finding an outfit for Tina to change into. Although Alastor was tall, he was also extremely skinny, whereas Tina had wide hips, shapely limbs and, of course, a wingspan of six feet. None of his clothes would fit her even loosely.

Then as she was going through his underwear drawer, she came across something that was much too lacey to belong to Alastor. She gasped as she pulled out one of her old white nightgowns, with shoulder straps and a low back. She looked back at her husband, who was laying on his back and pointing at the roof of the bed.

"We'll talk 'bout your creepy obsessions later," she muttered.

Tina changed herself first before helping Alastor. The last hour's activities seemed to finally exhaust him, as he offered no resistance.

He watched her as she buttoned his top. "You'd make a good mommy."

Tina paused at the second-to-last button. "What?"

Alastor fell forward. She caught his head on her shoulder.

"I want you to be my," he said with a yawn, "baby mommy."

She stilled as he poked her stomach.

"Little baby you and me," he said in a singsong voice, walking his fingers up her tummy. "Pitter patter tiny feet."

"Now I know you're drunk," she murmured, pushing him back so she could finish buttoning him up. "We had this talk years ago, remember? Ya said what we had was enough."

"Silly bat!" Alastor giggled and booped her nose. "I want you to have my baby, baby. All my babies. Pleeeaaase have my babies?"

The pleading, dazed look in his eyes was enough to break Tina's heart all over again.

"Yeah. Sure, Al." She patted his cheek. "Tomorrow, okay?"

Alastor nodded and then collapsed onto the bed.

"Finally." Tina sat on the edge of the mattress.

Alerted to her presence, Alastor flipped onto his side and crawled up to his wife. Tina looked down as he laid his head in her lap.

"Damn it, how are you not out yet?"

"Tell me a story, Mommy?" he begged. "Pleeeaaase?"

She sighed. "Fine. One story. Then you're goin' to sleep. Promise?"

He nodded, his hair swishing over her lap. Tina couldn't help but crack a smile at how adorable he looked.

"Hmm, let's see."

She tried to think of a story, running her fingers through his hair to soothe him. She'd forgotten how fluffy it was, like petting a cat. As if to add to this simile, he closed his eyes and purred, snuggling his cheek against her thigh.

Drunk or sober, he just couldn't keep himself away from her.

"Once upon a time," Tina began, "there was a girl. Who met a boy."

She scoffed. "Not very original, I know. But this wasn't your typical love story. In fact, she hated him when they first met. And for good reason, cuz he wasn't a very good boy. Scratch that. He was awful."

Tina sighed, looking down at the deer in her lap. "Course, she wasn't perfect either. Far from it. So when he asked her to marry him, she accepted. Not cuz she loved him, but cuz…she thought he was the best she could do. Not a lotta options in Hell, and he could protect her."

She stared wistfully up at the ceiling. "It wasn't so bad though. He never touched her more than necessary. Never pressured her with romance or sex. Even so, he found ways to make her smile every day. Was always there for her when she was sad, or mad, or scared. Even if she was a stupid babblin' drunk, he wouldn't leave her side."

Tina glanced back at Alastor, who was softly snoring. "Then one day she realized…he wasn't so bad a husband after all. A psychopath, a murderer, a cannibal, but a good husband. Who…loved her very much. And she loved him."

She stopped stroking as tears clouded her vision. "But even then, it still wasn't enough for her. Which is why she…"

She sniffed and wiped her face. "She didn't deserve a husband as wonderful as him."

---

Ugh. Very hard chapter to write for someone who's never taken drugs or gotten drunk in her life (and literally can't due to a pre-existing medical condition). Some of the Alastor babble came from the "Drunken Alastor" fan comic, obviously with Tina in place of Angel Dust. And a nod to "Helluva Boss" Episode 3.

If it wasn't obvious, though this is rated M, the majority of intimacy in this fic is going to be non-sexual.

Songs Alastor randomly sings had all first recorded during his time alive, so he would've heard them:

"Take Me Out to the Ballgame" by Jack Norworth

"Hello! Ma Baby!" by Joseph E. Howard and Ida Emerson (it's much older than the singing frog cartoon)

"Oh, You Beautiful Doll" by Seymour Brown (lots of renditions of this song, I prefer the Rosemary Clooney version)