Yes, we're finally out of the long, heartbreaking flashback.

Title Song: "If I Didn't Care" by The Ink Spots

"Did ya really blame yourself all this time?" Tina asked.

Alastor looked at her from the other side of the bed and nodded.

"Even though I was the one who cheated?"

"Oh, but I'm not completely guiltless either, chère." He hung his head. "I knew what it was you wanted, but ignored it for too long. It was no wonder you ran into the arms of a stranger."

"Hold on." She leaned forward. "You think I did that cuz ya wouldn't have sex with me?"

He blinked. "Didn't you?"

"No! I didn't…" She facepalmed. "Okay, I get why ya might think that. The truth is I was half-drunk at the time, so I'm not a hundred percent sure what my reasonin' was. Not an excuse, I know. But I wasn't in an angry drunken stupor cuz ya wouldn't have sex with me."

She paused. "Okay, fine. Maybe that was part of it. I mean how am I supposed to feel when I've been used for my body all my life, and the one person I wanna find me sexy just doesn't?"

"Funnily enough," Alastor said, "this isn't making me feel any better."

"Sorry, sorry." She winced. "I'm ranting. I've been holdin' this in for so long. My point is, while it did sting that ya didn't want me in the physical sense, I was really mad cuz I could tell something was botherin' ya, but ya wouldn't tell me what."

Tina sighed and moved into a cross-legged position. "I tried so many times to get ya to talk to me about it, but you always shut me up. And because ya wouldn't tell me what was wrong, my mind went to all kinds of places. When I read your note, makin' me think ya forgot our anniversary, I thought that…that I'd upset ya or something, and that's why you were treatin' me that way."

"First of all," Alastor said, raising a finger, "I agree, I should've been more concise in my note, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise. Secondly, the reason I silenced you all those times was because I thought you wanted to discuss babies again."

"I only wanted to know what was botherin' ya. But it was like ya suddenly didn't trust me anymore." She looked away. "And…you were startin' to sound like Wilbur and Ethan, who didn't wanna hear my opinions on anything."

He gritted his teeth at the mention of her abusers. "I didn't do it out of malice, darling. I was trying to prevent conflict between us. I thought if we pretended like there wasn't a conflict, we would eventually forget all about it."

"Come on, Al." Tina rolled her eyes. "Even I know that's not how conflict resolution works."

"Yes, yes, I see the irony. In my efforts to keep you close, I ended up pushing you away." He ran a hand through his hair. "So, you see, it is my fault."

"Even if you were being an ass, that didn't gimme the right to cheat on ya."

"You weren't technically cheating."

"But it still bothered ya." She scooted closer to him. "If it hadn't, ya wouldn't've gone into a murderous rage."

Alastor's palm slid down his face. "I never should've lost my temper with you."

"No, you had every right to be angry."

"I almost hurt you, Tina."

"But ya didn't."

"But I could have!" He pounded a fist on the bed. "Don't you see? I almost sunk to the level of my father!"

Tina's heart ached, recalling the nightmare he'd described last night. "And I almost…sunk to the level of Wilbur and Ethan."

"Of course, once I'd calmed myself, I realized," Alastor said, meeting her gaze, "that even though I was upset, I still loved you. So, I decided to forgive you, so we could move on with our lives together."

She shook her head. "I couldn't let ya do that, Al. Not after I hurt ya so badly. Especially now that I know you were gonna force yourself to have sex just so I could stay."

"No, I…"

He trailed off as he looked back on that moment when he'd decided to start a family with her. In truth, he'd used it as a last resort to convince her not to leave, but would he have had to force himself to do it?

"Don't be embarrassed, Al," Tina said. "Just tell me how ya really feel about sex."

Alastor rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not that I didn't trust you, dear. I was just unsure of how to phrase it. And how you would react."

"Well, tell me now." She cupped her bat ears. "Ya know my hearing's too good for me not to listen."

Her quip brought his smile back. Then he took a deep breath.

"It had nothing to do with my father beating my mother," he began. "And no one took advantage of me in that sense. It was just…something I've always dealt with."

He glanced out the window. "All my life, I had the impression that something was wrong with me. You know, other than my hobbies."

Tina smirked. "And it was different from your mixed heritage, wasn't it?"

Alastor nodded. "I started noticing it when I was around twelve. All the boys at school were talking about the girls, and what they wanted to do to them. I, on the other hand, didn't share their sentiments. Don't get me wrong."

He focused on his wife's face. "I could see why…some females would be considered attractive."

Tina turned away to hide her blush.

"But the concept of romancing them," he said, "to have physical relations with them… It eluded me completely. Oh, as I grew older, I tried my hand at courtship with a few ladies I deemed…reasonably suitable. I even took Mimzy out a few times."

Tina's face reddened further with unexpected jealousy. Until she recalled that he'd rejected Mimzy in the end.

"I tried to see what all the fuss was about. I truly did. And yet, the only way I'd ever desired another person's flesh was to consume it." He snorted. "You know, since I fell, I've been frequently accused of necrophilia? Ha! If I have no desire for living bodies, why should I desire dead ones? And I know that amateur doctor of yours would say I did it to release my sexual frustration, but if there was any frustration, it was that I didn't feel anything sexual!"

Alastor stiffened. "Oh, dear Lord."

"What?" Tina asked.

"I think I've just made a psychological breakthrough." He facepalmed. "Don't tell Charlotte, or she'll think the therapy's working."

She couldn't help but giggle.

"Anyway, where was I?"

"You ate people cuz ya didn't wanna bang 'em?"

"Among other reasons." He stood and began pacing. "But alive or dead, the questions still persisted. Why wasn't I married? Why did I never frequent brothels?" His gestures became more animated as his rant progressed. "Why am I not courting Miss So-And-So? Do I have an erectile dysfunction? Am I a pansy? How can a handsome devil like me still be a bachelor? Was I assaulted as a child? I would explain myself, but apparently, 'I'm simply not interested' is not an acceptable answer!"

Tina's guilt returned, as she had asked a good chunk of those questions. Or at least thought them.

"So, you see why I couldn't tell you? You claimed to understand, but how could you possibly, when no one has ever understood?" He stopped with his back to her. "When I fell in love with you, I thought…in time, you would…fix me."

The static in his voice dissipated as he slowly turned to her. "You…you made me feel things I haven't before. So, I figured the reason I hadn't experienced romantic attraction, was only because I hadn't met you yet. That I was predestined to love you and only you, my soulmate who was not to be born for another few decades."

Her heart pounded wildly at this declaration, but she kept silent. It was clear all these thoughts had been pent up for a very long time, and interrupting him would throw him off track.

"I thought I could have a normal life with you," Alastor murmured. "The kind of life I never received on Earth. That it wouldn't matter what storms weathered our way, for we would be facing them together."

His ears drooped. "But then…you started showing interest in…physical affection." His cheeks flushed. "I didn't mind all of it. I like touching you, holding you, kissing you." He tapped his fingers together. "I actually liked…seeing you in that negligee."

Suddenly aware that she was sitting cross-legged on a bed, leaving a certain area open for view, Tina scrunched her legs together.

"And yet despite all that," Alastor continued, "making love to you was…the last thing on my mind." He turned around. "No matter how much I adored you, no matter how beautiful I found you, I was still…broken."

Tina's ears also drooped.

"But just now," he said in a more hopeful tone, "when that racoon said there was a word for it, an actual, scientific term with an appropriate definition, it was like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders."

The Radio Demon put a hand to his chest as his grin returned to its rightful place. "That I'm not alone. There's nothing wrong with how I'm feeling. I'm…not broken."

Of course, he was still a murderous psychopath, but he felt tremendous relief that the question he'd been asking himself for a century was finally answered.

After a moment of silence, Tina climbed off the bed, came up to Alastor, and hugged him from behind. He flinched, but did not resist her touch.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning her forehead between his shoulder blades. "That I made ya feel broken. That I pushed ya to become something you're not."

He closed his hands around hers. "And I'm sorry. For not explaining everything to you sooner, and for shutting you out as long as I did."

"Even if ya had explained it," she said with a sniff, "I don't think I would've understood. I had to hear it from someone else to understand." Tears dampened the back of his jacket. "But it doesn't matter that you were keepin' secrets from me. I still cheated."

"Tina." He turned around to return her embrace. "That was ten years ago. I've long forgiven you for that. If you will forgive me for being so angry with you."

She nodded as he stroked her hair.

"And again, I said it was alright in the beginning." He leaned his cheek atop her head. "It doesn't matter if you give your body to another, so long as I have your heart."

"If that were true," she muttered against his chest, "then why did you get angry?" She looked up at him. "You're still angry. I can tell. Just be honest. Don't hold anything back from me this time."

Alastor hesitated. "You…may not like it."

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't. We'll never know unless ya get it out."

"Alright." He closed his eyes. "Yes. Thinking of that moment still infuriates me. But," he said, opening his eyes, "if I cannot properly assist you with your needs, I am willing to accommodate, even if it means I can't have you all to myself."

At this last sentence, his static increased, which was a telltale sign that there was some underlying frustration.

"Is that really what you want, Al?" Tina asked. "You really willin' to share me with other men?"

She'd already had that kind of relationship with Wilbur, but there'd been no real affection between them. From the look in Alastor's eyes, she could tell he was thinking of her ex-agent as well.

"N-No."

"Then say it." She reached up and caressed his cheek. "Say what you really want."

Taking her hand, he leaned into her soft palm. The pleasantness of her touch reminded him of his true desire.

"I want you all to myself," he said. "I don't want you seeing other men."

Normally, a statement like this would be considered possessive, and it most definitely was. The minute the words left his mouth, Alastor was sure they would scare Tina off, which was why he'd been holding them back all this time.

"You want us to be…exclusive?" she asked. "Just the two of us, no casual flings, or sidepieces?"

He was confused by her unexpectedly eager expression. "Y-Yes. That is exactly what I want."

Her arms swung from his waist to his neck. "Oh, Al, I've been waitin' fifteen years to hear ya say that!"

"What?" He blinked. "But I… What?"

Was that it? After a decade of scheming and weeks of wooing, was that really all it took to win back her favor? For him to say he wanted her all to himself?

This woman would forever befuddle him.

She squeezed his neck with a strength that would suffocate a living being. "Ya really don't get it, do ya? When ya saw me with another man, I didn't want ya to say it was okay! I wanted ya to say I was your woman and to never see those hookers again!"

"B-B-But…" He raised a finger. "Y-You said I didn't own you."

"No, but I didn't want ya actin' like ya didn't care!" Her tears returned. "Al, I've never belonged to one man. Nor has any man ever belonged to me. Wilbur pimped me off to score me gigs. Ethan made me break off my other flings, without tellin' me I was his fling. I didn't…I didn't want any of that again."

Her hands slid to his shoulders. "When ya caught me with the prostitute, I thought what I wanted was for ya to punish me. But I guess what I really wanted was for ya to fight for me. To forbid me from ever doing that again. Because it wasn't okay, Al. Even if you forgive me for that one time, it's not gonna matter if I hurt ya all over again.

"So, please, don't say it's okay. Say what's on your mind."

Alastor, still overwhelmed by this sudden turnaround, inhaled deeply. Then, with new resolve, he ran one hand through her hair, and the other up and down her spine.

"It's selfish, but," he whispered, "I want to be the only man you turn to. For anything. And seeing you entangled with another…hurt me more than those dogs ripping me apart. Not so much the act, but the implication that I…wasn't enough for you."

"You were more than enough, Al," Tina murmured. "Maybe that's why I couldn't handle it."

He tilted her chin upwards. "Do you think you can handle it now?"

She shivered. "I'm not sure I could."

"Why?"

"Cuz…" She pressed her thighs together. "You're soundin' really sexy right now."

His eyebrows shot up. "I…did not mean…"

"No, I know." She blushed. "You never mean. And now I know for sure ya never will. And that's the problem. Even when I'm mad at ya, you're so damn attractive. And I wanna…"

She glanced at the bed behind her. "I…I can't put ya through that again. I know ya don't want it, and I won't push ya, but… Well, what am I supposed to do?"

The lustful heat was overwhelming. If she spent another minute in her husband's arms, she was sure to do something she might regret. Like initiate the kiss that would seal her fate with him.

But she knew better than to give into her damn impulses again without thinking. That had never led to anything good.

"Sorry." She stepped back. "I'm just unloading. Ya don't have to pay attention to my silly—oomph!"

Alastor pulled her back in before she could get away. "It's alright, dear. I…I'm glad to know what's on your mind."

Tina squirmed in his hold as her desire increased. "This ain't good for us, Al. Not when we want different things."

He glanced at the bed, and wondered. The deal barred him from going any further than a comforting embrace. Unless she decided to kiss him now.

If she did, how far would he be willing to go? Now that he understood his condition, or rather identity, a little better, did that mean he couldn't make love to his wife?

In her absence, the Radio Demon had been thinking about it more and more. What would it be like to surrender himself to her completely? There were times the fantasy made him cringe. Other times, he felt somewhat excited. Only to remember a minute later that such a fantasy could not come true without her around.

But now she was here, claiming to be aroused. Despite their separation, she still yearned for him.

Could he grant her this one wish? Even if he wasn't entirely interested in it?

He had yet to tell her about Lilith's blood, and had to know whether or not that desire of his wife's had changed.

"Tina," Alastor whispered. "Do you still want chil—?"

A knock at the door interrupted him. "Tina, you in there?"

The voice belonged to Charlie.

Alastor cursed under his breath as Tina jumped away from him.

"Y-Yeah," she replied, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress. "W-We're just—"

"We?" said Vaggie's voice.

Rolling his eyes, Alastor stomped to the door and flung it open. "Yes, I'm in here too."

Dr. Cougarton, Proxy, and Angel Dust stood behind the managers. Angel glanced at Tina, noting her flushed face and disheveled hair.

He smirked. "Caught you two in an intimate moment, did we?"

"Yes," Alastor said.

"No," Tina said at the same time, combing her hair with her fingers.

Alastor looked back at her with an arched eyebrow.

"Th-That is…" Tina gulped. "W-We were just t-talking, not…ya know, doing anything." She avoided her husband's gaze. "N-Not that it w-wasn't intimate, but—"

Deciding he didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence, Alastor demanded, "Why are you all here? Come to make a spectacle of me and my wife again?"

"No, no!" Charlie waved her hands.

"We were just worried about Tina after she stormed out," Vaggie said, "and we wanted to see that she was okay."

"You too, Al!" Charlie added.

"Also, these three have something to say."

Vaggie stepped aside to make room for Dr. Cougarton, Angel Dust, and Proxy.

"Miss Twinkle," Dr. Cougarton said, "Mr. Alastor, I apologize for my unprofessional behavior in pressuring you to share your insecurities before you were ready."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." Angel rubbed the back of his neck. "Course, I only arranged that whole spiel so you two could get over yourselves and—OW!" Vaggie elbowed him in the ribs. "I mean, yeah. Wasn't cool."

"I'm sorry too," Charlie said. "I didn't mean to push you both so hard to open up. I should've let you do it in your own time."

"And I'm sorry," Proxy said, addressing Alastor specifically, "for outing you."

"Oh, no. You, my little raccoon friend," Alastor said, patting her on the head, "have not offended me in the slightest! Why, if it weren't for you, Prissy—"

"Proxy."

"Whatever. If it weren't for you, I might've gone another century thinking there was something wrong with me!"

"Still plenty wrong with him," Vaggie murmured.

"Not to mention that thanks to you," Alastor said, throwing his arm around Tina's shoulders and bringing her forward, "my darling wife and I have actually made some progress!"

"Really?" Charlie beamed.

Tina shrugged. "Sorta."

"So my plan worked?" Angel pumped his upper fists. "Sweet! Maybe I have what it takes to be a matchmaker after all!"

"And all the credit goes to Patsy here!" Alastor said.

Angel's face fell. "Wait, what?"

"Yes, Patsy and no one else!"

"He's really ignorin' us, ain't he?" Angel muttered to Dr. Cougarton.

"Well I'm glad to see group therapy's working for you!" Charlie said.

"Nope!" Alastor released Tina and took Proxy by the shoulder. "Posey here was much more helpful on her own than all of you combined!"

"Proxy."

"Yes, yes. So, Prudy," Alastor said, leading the racoon down the hall, "do you mind telling me more about this asexual concept?"

Proxy rolled her eyes. "Only if you if you start calling me by my real name."

It took a second for Tina to process that Alastor had just ditched her for one of her employees. But she was happy that her husband had found someone to talk to about his personal issues. She just wished that someone was her.

On the other hand, she admired his courage that he would confide in a virtual stranger he hadn't paid much attention to up until this point. While Tina had unloaded some of her baggage since her arrival here, she hadn't told the whole story.

But like Alastor, she couldn't do it in front of everyone.

"Hey, Charlie? Can…can we talk in your office for a bit?"

Charlie looked at her in concern. "Something wrong?"

"No. Well, yes, um…" She glanced at Vaggie, Angel, and Dr. Cougarton. "Actually, you all should hear this."

Tina spilled everything. The sins she'd committed, the daughter she'd abandoned, how she'd come to marry and fall in love with the Radio Demon, and what had split them apart. She left out the detail of Alastor knowing of a way for them to conceive, as she figured Lucifer wouldn't want that information spreading. Charlie, Vaggie, Dr. Cougarton, and even Angel listened in silence.

"So," Tina said once she'd finished her tale, "now ya know why I couldn't say all that in front of everyone. My girls look up to me, and I don't want 'em knowin' just how much of a piece of shit I really am."

She looked up at her small audience. "I had to at least let you and Miss Vaggie know, Your Highness, since you're workin' so hard to redeem everyone here. And Doc, I had to tell ya so you'd stop tryin' to psychoanalyze me in front of everyone."

"So, why's Angel here?" Vaggie asked.

"Cuz he's surprisingly good at givin' advice."

"He is?" Charlie and Vaggie said.

"I am?" Angel said.

"Anyway, that's the whole story. That's why Al and I are going through such a rough patch." She eyed Vaggie. "Ya can't judge Al too harshly. He's done a lotta shitty things, but I was the one who messed up our marriage, not him. He's only been a pain cuz he's desperate to get me back."

"You don't have to get back together with him," Vaggie said.

"She obviously wants to though," Angel said. "Haven't ya been paying attention to those idiot lovebirds?"

"What I want doesn't matter." Tina shifted in her seat. "If I get back together with Al, I'm just gonna end up hurtin' him again."

Dr. Cougarton hummed. "Sounds like along with an avoidant attachment style, you also harbor a guilt complex. You persistently believe that you've done something wrong, and that you will do something wrong. That explains your constant need to improve the lives of others who share your burdens, and the responsibility you feel for everyone here. It's all to accommodate for your past sins, as well as to fill the void of the daughter and husband you abandoned."

"Huh." Vaggie tilted her head. "You know, you actually make sense when you're not hyper-focused on people's sexual desires."

"Which reminds me," the psychiatrist said, holding up a finger, "you should not burden yourself too much with your moment of infidelity, Miss Twinkle. In the absence of your husband's affections, it's only natural that you should release your sexual frustration onto a neutral party."

Vaggie facepalmed. "And there it is."

"Hey, if I had a nickel for every time some john came to me to get away from their marriage problems…" Angel paused. "Well, I charge way more than a nickel, but the point is I ain't judging."

"What you did was definitely wrong though. However," Vaggie said, looking down at her lap, "given that I used to be in the same line of work as Angel, I'm not really in a place to judge either."

Charlie put an arm around her girlfriend. "If demons were perfect, they wouldn't be in Hell."

"All the same," Tina said, hanging her head, "I'm sick of repeatin' the same mistakes over and over again. That's why I try not to let people too close. And why…I've been pushin' Al away all these years."

"What does Al say about this?" Charlie asked.

"He says he forgives me. But I'm not sure if that's enough to erase the past."

"Nothing can erase the past," Dr. Cougarton said. "All you can really do is choose whether or not to learn from it."

"But hey," Angel said, snapping four sets of fingers towards Tina, "least you and Al have made up enough to be all snuggly in the bedroom."

Charlie widened her eyes excitedly. "Was that what you two were doing?"

Vaggie covered her mouth and said through her hand, "Sorry, but the image of Alastor getting snuggly with anyone makes me wanna gag."

"That's just it," Tina said. "Even if I move back in with him, with his recent…revelation, our relationship might not go any further than snuggles and kisses. If that wasn't enough for me back then, who's to say it'll be enough for me now?"

"The solution's simple." Angel smirked. "Slip him an aphrodisiac. He'll have to screw ya then!"

"Angel!" Charlie scolded. "That's downright manipulative and dishonest!"

"Gettin' him in the mood's not exactly the problem." Tina blushed as she recalled their intense make-out sessions. "Even if he took an aphrodisiac, he'd probably be more inclined to rub it out than use me to satisfy his urges."

Vaggie's cheeks puffed. "Can we please stop talking about Alastor's sexual habits?"

"My point is, I know how he feels about the subject, and I don't want that comin' between us again."

"The way I see it," Dr. Cougarton said, "these are the options available to you. One, you cut all romantic ties with your husband once and for all, but for professionalism's sake continue to be civil to him."

Tina grumbled. "What do ya think I've been doing the past few weeks?"

"Two, you fall back into your previous relationship, with clear guidelines this time that it is to be sexless and open. This will bar you from any guilt from future transgressions."

"Or three," Vaggie said, "you grab that bastard by the ear and threaten to throw him to the Exterminators if he doesn't give you a divorce."

"Vaggie!" Charlie cried.

"Well, asking nicely obviously didn't work with him!"

"Four," Angel said, "ya roofie him."

"Five," Charlie stressed, "you and Al find a way to meet in the middle, and move forward with a happy, healthy relationship!"

"Is that possible for them though?" Vaggie asked. "I mean even if you ignore Tina's infidelity, Alastor was still in the wrong for trying to corner her into staying with him." She turned to Tina. "From what you've described, his behavior up until your departure was manipulative, and completely dismissive of your feelings. Just because the two of you made a deal twenty years ago, doesn't mean you're obligated to be his happy little housewife."

"Aw, come on, Vags." Angel elbowed her. "Smiles could've at any time locked Bat Girl up, or at the very least punished her for cheating. Compared to the shit I've put up with, this guy's been pretty fucking generous."

"Just because his reaction wasn't as bad, doesn't make it not bad." Vaggie crossed her arms. "And why should Tina go back to Al when she's clearly done well enough for herself without him?"

That was true. The advantage to breaking up with the Radio Demon was that Tina had found the conviction to start her own business, harness her own power, forge her own territory, and make a new name for herself. Once and for all, she'd proven that she didn't need a man to get by in Hell.

Even so, the tingle from Alastor's warm, sheltering embrace wouldn't leave her.

"Whatever you choose," Charlie said, reaching over to take Tina's hand, "we'll support you. It was very brave of you to come to us about this."

"Like the old saying goes," Dr. Cougarton said, "the first step to solving a problem is realizing you have one."

"What's the second step, pussycat?" Angel put his upper hands behind his head. "Cuz I've always known I've had problems."

Everyone, even Vaggie, laughed.

Tina was relieved that no criticism had come over her long confession. That somebody other than Alastor could simply accept her faults. Four somebodies, for that matter. It seemed that even in the realm of emotional support, she didn't need a significant other.

Then why was her earlier conversation with Alastor still running through her brain?

"You mean to say there are actually millions of people like us?" Alastor asked.

He and Proxy were in the living area of his suite, discussing the finer details of asexuality.

"Those who came out, anyway." Proxy leaned back in the easy chair and propped her feet on the coffee table. "Not counting the dearly departed. But who knows how many unknowing aces there are out there?"

"No shoes on my furniture, if you please." The Radio Demon stuck out his staff to gently lower the racoon's sneakered feet. "I've heard the term asexual in referring to the reproduction of amoeba, but never in the sense of a being lacking physical attraction. Why am I only just hearing of this now?"

Proxy shrugged. "The term's only recently been coined, and it took a while before it got any recognition in the queer community." She eyed his radio mic. "And I take it you don't spend a lotta time on the internet."

"None whatsoever!"

"Then it's no surprise. Even with the internet, I hadn't even heard of asexuality until I was eighteen. Some don't even have the courage to seek answers. I mean in a hyper-sexualized society, we're all raised on the belief that we must be interested in someone. Everyone has to be either straight, gay, or bi, otherwise there's something mentally or physically wrong with us."

"So true!" Alastor leaned his cheek onto his fist. "You wouldn't believe how many doctors have suggested I might have an erectile dysfunction! But my member works just fine, thank you very much!"

His face flushed. "My apologies, Pansy. I shouldn't be discussing such things in front of a lady."

"It's Proxy." She waved a hand. "And don't worry. I don't mind talking about this shit. We're both adults here, right? And yeah, nothing's wrong with our equipment. You still get boners at random times, don't you?"

He nodded slowly.

"Me too. And not cuz of anybody attractive, but it'll happen when I'm doing something mundane like washing the dishes."

Alastor was amazed. Usually, when he wanted to discuss sex, the other would either become visibly uncomfortable or, in Angel Dust's case, crack dirty jokes. This racoon demoness appeared quite young, with her laidback demeanor, her finger twirling a strand of her black, cropped hair, her bored, blue eyes perusing her surroundings. Yet she was handling the subject much more maturely than anyone he'd met in a century.

"Forgive my rudeness," Alastor said, "but how old are you?"

Her answer was too blunt to give any indication she was offended. "Nineteen. Died in 2011."

"Pity." He shook his head. "I like to think I died in my prime, but you barely got the chance to live, my dear."

"Don't remind me." Proxy snorted. "Damn garbage truck."

"But if your thieving impulses cannot be controlled, and therefore lacking in willful intent, what landed you in Hell?" He held out his hand. "By the way, I would like my monocle back."

She pulled it out of her breast pocket and dropped it into his palm. "It was just impulsive, at first. But after I dropped outta high school, I started taking advantage of my problem, stole more valuable things, and instead of putting them back, I pawned them. Since I met Tina, I've stopped all that."

"But old habits die hard," Alastor said, polishing his monocle.

"So, any other questions about asexuality?"

"One." He put his monocle back into place. "You say asexuals like you and I do not desire sex, but…" Suddenly shy, he ran a hand through his hair. "Would it be hypocritical if they…did do it?"

He worried if this meant changing his plans of finally consummating his marriage.

"Not really," Proxy said. "I mean being asexual just means not wanting sex. It doesn't stop us from doing it. Course, I've never done it, nor do I plan to, but some aces will do it to please their romantic partner, or to have kids."

Alastor's grin expanded. "So, I can still conceive a child?"

Was there still hope for his marriage, after all?

Proxy blinked up at him. "Well, uh, no? Cuz we're sinners?"

"Right." He'd almost let slip the truth Lucifer had wanted him to conceal. "I was, err, speaking hypothetically. Supposing we were alive and, um, could conceive." Hearing how that sounded, he held up his hands. "Not together, of course, but children wouldn't be out of the question, would it?"

"No." The racoon arched an eyebrow. "I mean there's also adoption, and artificial insemination."

"Y-Yes, but…" He tapped his fingers together. "What you're saying is asexuals can still conceive the natural way, correct?"

"Yeah. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with our equipment. It's just a matter of…"

She trailed off. Then her jaw dropped in realization.

"Hold on. You're asking whether you and Tina could…?"

The Radio Demon nodded. Proxy covered her mouth to prevent herself from gagging.

"Sorry, just…" Her cheeks puffed. "I know Tina, and it's hard picturing her…" She shook her head. "Course you two are married, but are you sure? You kinda just announced to the entire therapy group that you never thought of her that way."

"I know, but…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I've…had a lot of time to think about it, and…I would like to at least try it. Maybe once? I know it'll make her happy. Provided she agrees to come back to me, of course."

Proxy held up a hand. "I can't give you any sex tips, especially with an old guy like you. But I will say that if you decide to…get physical with Tina, it has to be as much your choice as it is hers. Ace or not, consent is everything. It won't be fun for either of you if you force it. So, again, are you sure you wanna do this?"

This was similar to the advice Husker had given Alastor ten years ago, except this was from someone who shared his struggles. So now, he was able to answer with more certainty.

"Yes." He gazed up at the ceiling. "I love Tina, and I want to show my love in any way I can."

"Then go for it." Proxy shrugged. "You're an adult. You're allowed to experiment. But whatever you do," she said, leaning forward, "don't do anything to hurt Tina, okay? She's the closest thing I have to a mom."

She settled back in her seat with her arms crossed. "I was her first project, you know? Not long after I died, I tried picking her pocket, but she heard me coming with those super ears of hers. I must've looked pretty pitiful for her to take me under her wing. Soon she got the idea for the club and took in others like me who were down on their luck."

She examined her fingernails. "Guess I'm the reason she included that ICD clause. No matter how many things go missing, she still gives me the benefit of the doubt. Why, I have no idea."

Alastor, on the other hand, had a pretty good idea. "By any chance, did Tina choose the name Proxy for you?"

She looked up, surprised that he'd not only hit the nail on the head, but that he'd said her name right. "Yeah. I mean originally I picked Procy, short for Procyon, the scientific name for racoon, but Tina said Proxy would be easier to say. How'd you know?"

He shrugged. "Lucky guess."

There was nothing lucky about it. Now that Alastor was really paying attention to the racoon, he could understand what possessed his wife to take in some random street urchin. It was for a similar reason that he had taken in Niffty.

Niffty had reminded Alastor of all the orphans and downtrodden women he'd encountered above. Just as Proxy had reminded Tina of the daughter she'd abandoned, and Tina viewed her as her child by proxy.

By Alastor's math, Proxy would've been born the same year as Nancy. She'd also been raised in the foster system, which might've been Nancy's fate. And her blue eyes were the same color as Tina had described. She even shared Tina's nonchalance and aloofness.

With all these similarities, Proxy could have well been Tina's daughter. But of course, such a coincidence was highly unlikely. After all, most sinners did not retain their eye color after death. Alastor had a feeling Tina knew that as well, otherwise Proxy wouldn't be so in the dark about her employer's past.

Nevertheless, if Lucifer's research confirmed Proxy to be Nancy, Alastor wouldn't be surprised.

"So, if you consider Tina as your mother," the Radio Demon said, "does that make me your stepfather?"

The racoon narrowed her eyes as she stood, her striped tail swishing. "I think I'm done with this conversation. Bye."

She waved a hand over her shoulder as she headed for the door. Alastor sank into the shadows, sprang up behind her, and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Before you go." He held out his hand.

Sighing, Proxy pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and returned it to him.

"I'm not even sure when you had the opportunity to snatch that." He ruffled her hair. "You clever girl!"

She snorted as she waved him off. "Tina was right. You really don't know the meaning of personal space."

"Ha-ha! Take it as a compliment, sweetheart! It means I like you!"

Without another word, Proxy rolled her eyes and went out the door.

The odds were she wasn't the Radio Demon's stepdaughter, but had they been alive at the same time, he might've considered rescuing her from orphanhood. What a challenge it would've been to raise a moody teenager like her. Compared to his marriage with Tina, it might've been a cakewalk.

He wondered if his own daughter might turn out like Proxy in her teen years.

It was strange. Alastor had thought learning of his asexuality would dispel any ambitions of children. But after this enlightening conversation with a troubled young adult that at the very least tolerated him, he figured fatherhood might not be so bad after all.

All that was left was to get the potential mother back onboard with the idea.

I hope all these conversations make sense after the revelations from the flashback. I was so wrapped up in the flashback I almost forgot how the characters were in the present time. So I hope none of what I did in this chapter seems rushed or out of place.