Not only was this chapter INSANELY difficult to write (so many characters and cameos and things that needed to happen), but I haven't been in the best emotional state as of late. So, thank you for your patience.
Another thing I was working on these past few months was finishing up my "My Little Pony" animatic short, "A Different Kind of Family," for Foster Care Awareness Month. Check it out on YouTube, and be sure to donate to my charity campaign for Together We Rise before the month of May is through.
Title Song: "Here's to the Losers" by Frank Sinatra
Alastor stood at the buffet table. Having officially abstained from alcohol, he guzzled down the fruit punch, as if the act of drinking itself would calm his nerves. But it did nothing.
He'd thought himself ready for tonight. Ready to take his dearest love to bed, give her the greatest gift a man could offer a woman, and finally make her his in every sense of the word. But the moment he received that box of photographs, years of pent-up insecurities came flooding back.
When had Tina made the time to pose for those pictures? Why would she send him such pictures? More importantly, who had taken them?
While Alastor wasn't well-acquainted with technology, he knew what selfies looked like. Those photos had been professionally done. But who would Tina have trusted to photograph her like that?
The most likely candidate was Angel Dust, given his previous profession. Though Alastor wasn't certain the spider was skilled with photography, he would've very much preferred it if a homosexual man had been behind the camera. Or a heterosexual woman, like that canary. Was Proxy a photographer?
His glass shook in his hand as those images flashed through his mind.
Those poses. No clothing.
The Radio Demon had heard of lovers sending nudes to each other through their hell phones. He didn't have a hell phone, so to send printed photos made sense. Even so, there had been at least a hundred in that box. He'd been too overwhelmed to properly count.
But why send so many? Had Tina caught onto his plans for tonight? Was this her way of exciting him so he wouldn't chicken out this time? He supposed he could see the logic in that.
However, all this did was make Alastor more nervous than ever.
It shouldn't have been a problem. He'd seen her naked before. Hell, he saw her breasts just a few hours ago.
It was the poses. They were just so provocative. They made Tina look more like a mannequin than a person, twisted into a position to fulfill some sick fantasy. Even if that was meant for his benefit, he didn't like seeing his beloved that way.
Except he was going to see her that way. Tonight. In the bedroom. Not in a photograph, but in the flesh.
"Al, you're gonna drink the whole bowl at this rate!" Charlie scolded.
Alastor choked on his punch and set his glass down. "M-My mistake, dear."
Instead of the usual red, Charlie wore a magenta tuxedo, with a pink rose pinned to her lapel, obviously in favor of the lighter side of the Valentine's Day theme. She tilted her head at the Radio Demon.
"Are you okay? You seem nervous."
"What?" He tugged at his collar. "Me, nervous? Whatever for?"
She noticed him glancing towards the doors, and smiled. "You're nervous about seeing Tina tonight, aren't you?"
"Hmm?" His ears twitched. "W-What do you know?"
"It's Valentine's Day. Of course you'd wanna do something with your wife. You gonna ask her to dance? Sing a song for her?"
So, Vaggie hadn't told her partner anything yet. Perhaps it was for the best. In retrospect, the Radio Demon's earlier words would've surely earned him an earful from the Princess.
"Well, I…" He twiddled his fingers. "There is…something I'd like to do with her, but…I'm afraid I won't be able to go through with it."
"How come?" Charlie asked.
"Because what I want to do is…is…"
He trailed off as he caught sight of his wife striding into the ballroom.
Of all the valentine colors, she'd chosen red. His favorite shade of red.
Her skirt fell in layers of tulle, just below her knees. Her bodice highlighted her curves, the sweetheart neckline exposing her shoulders. A ruby pendant hung from her neck, hanging low enough to cover her cleavage. Her hair was done up in a braided bun like a pile of large, onyx stones.
Those gorgeous, amethyst eyes, framed with mascara and liner, met with Alastor's. She stopped in the middle of the ballroom, one of her white-gloved hands clutching the other.
Charlie elbowed him in the ribs and winked. Gathering up his courage, Alastor approached his beloved demon belle. As he neared, Tina looked down at her white stilettos, one of his belated anniversary gifts, with a blush.
"Darling, you look…you look…" He sighed as he took her hand. "As lovely as the day I married you."
Tina bit her smiling lip as she lifted her gaze. "R-Right back at ya, handsome."
His red tailcoat was like the one he wore at their wedding, only with splashes of white in his lapels, bowtie, and gloves.
"And ya know?" She reached up and traced the trimming on his lapel. "White's a pretty good color on ya."
He chuckled as he took both her white-gloved hands. "I suppose this is what they mean by great minds thinking alike."
Then his grin shrunk. Bending down, Alastor examined her left hand. There, on her fourth finger, was her ruby engagement ring, stacked below her red wedding band.
"You're…" His thumb ran over the ruby. "You're wearing them."
She glanced down at the rings. "Well, ya know, the broach didn't go with the dress."
Forget the party. Alastor wanted to scoop her into his arms and carry her to his bedroom right now.
The thought vanished as quickly as it had appeared. For he couldn't unsee those photos.
Meanwhile, Tina shivered under his gaze, trying to read his emotions. He seemed excited, but troubled at the same time, unusually focused on her bare shoulders. Was he wondering why she wasn't wearing the negligee? She hoped he understood that she couldn't wear that under this particular dress without people seeing it.
"Um, Al," she whispered. "Can we talk about—?"
"Aw, just fucking kiss already, you lovesick idiots!"
The Radio Demon had been so enraptured with his wife, he hadn't noticed that the spider had arrived with her. The outburst reminded him that they were not alone. He would have to ask Tina about the photos later.
The moment Angel Dust spotted Husk at the bar, he quickly adjusted his fluff and sashayed on over. Leaning his elbow onto the counter, the spider gave a finger wave.
"Hiya, Husky. Got a valentine in mind for this evening?"
If Tina hadn't forbidden Husk to drink during this event, he would've choked on his alcohol. As if the blonde wig wasn't off-putting enough, Angel Dust had donned a hot pink mini dress with spaghetti straps. The dress was tight and shaped in a way that made the spider look curvier than what was expected from a male. Husk's eyes wandered down to see a matching pair of go-go boots.
He actually didn't look half bad. The outfit was a bit revealing, but also classy.
"Like what you see?" Angel sat down and propped a boot on the stool beside him to show off his hairy leg. "Sorry, haven't shaved in a while."
The cat couldn't help but release a snort of laughter. He covered his mouth too late.
"What's this?" Angel settled his cheek onto his palm. "Did I actually get a laugh outta ya just now?"
Husk facepalmed to hide his blush. "Damn it. Why's the bitch got me doing this job sober?"
When seven o'clock hit, a small line had formed from the ballroom's entrance, where Proxy sat at a table to accept cash and Hildegard stood guard. A very small line, consisting only of hotel patrons, most of them complaining that they had to pay to get in.
"Everyone else gets in for free!" complained the demon at the front.
"Everyone else is working," Vaggie explained. "Unless you're on the service staff, or entertaining tonight, you have to pay the ten-soul entrance fee."
It was hard for anyone to take her seriously in her frilly rose-colored dress.
"This is ridiculous! I demand to speak to a manager!"
"I am the manager! You either pay, or you don't get in!"
"Get me one of them other managers! Where's that pushover princess?"
Before Vaggie could lash out at the patron, Alastor materialized behind her, flashing a toothy grin.
"Is there a problem here?"
After that, no one else objected to the entrance fee.
Fifteen minutes into the party, Charlie said, "I really thought more people would show up."
Not counting the current hotel residents and staff, less than twenty guests occupied the ballroom.
"Just wait, hon," Vaggie said. "The party's barely started."
"Yeah, don't worry." Tina checked her phone. "I've got some of my girls updatin' their social media every five minutes. And Al's broadcastin' the show across Hell."
She pointed to the stage, where the band was playing, Mimzy singing into the Radio Demon's microphone.
"If nothing else," Vaggie said, "we'll get good publicity. God knows we need it."
"And I know how to get ya even more publicity, bitches!" Angel Dust approached the trio of managers with his arm around a tall, blonde cyclops demoness. "Thought ya might need help spicin' this party up, so I invited my girl Cherri here!"
Tina squinted at the cyclops and gasped. "You're the bitch who bombed my club!"
Angel's grin dropped. "Oh. Right. Forgot about that."
"You knew?!"
"Hey, was nothing personal." Cherri waved a hand. "I was aiming for Sir Edgelord. If one of my bombs hit your club, it's only cuz it got in the way."
Tina balled her hands into fists.
"Hey, come on." Charlie held an arm in front of the Songbat. "It all worked out in the end, didn't it? If not for this, err, accident, you wouldn't have come here!"
Tina considered this, then took a breath. "You're right. No use dwellin' on the past."
"No hard feelings then!" Cherri held up her phone and snapped a pic of her and Angel. "Lucky for you losers, I'd do anything to dig my boy Angie out of a hole! So, not only am I gonna post about this party on my Voxtagram, I'm gonna donate to your little charity!"
"Really?" Charlie pressed her palms together. "That'd be so helpful!"
Cherri elbowed Angel. "Gotta make sure my guy's not living in a dump."
"I'm in charge of finances." Vaggie drew a manilla envelope from her purse. "How much can we put you down for?"
Cherri thrust a bill into Vaggie's face. "Here's fifty bucks!"
Vaggie and Charlie shared a glance, the latter trying to hide her disappointment behind a grin.
"Err, thanks?" Vaggie accepted the bill.
Charlie shrugged. "Every little bit counts, right?"
A minute later came the arrival of their first VIP guest: Alastor's longtime ally, Rosie. They greeted each other with kisses on both cheeks.
"So, this is the charity work you've been up to." Rosie glanced around. "Hmm. A bit garish, but stylish." Then she spotted the Songbat. "Tina, darling!"
"Rosie!" Tina forced a smile. "You're here!"
"It's been far too long!"
They pecked each other's cheeks, though in a more awkward fashion than Rosie had done with Alastor. While Rosie had always been civil and courteous, Tina had never really liked her. She wasn't sure why. Maybe because of all the time Alastor spent with her in Cannibal Colony. Not being a cannibal herself, that was a part of her husband's life Tina could never partake in that Rosie could.
And though the Songbat was sure Alastor had meant nothing by it, seeing him kiss the female Overlord's cheeks had sent a pang of jealousy through her.
"I did not expect to see you here," Rosie said. "After all, aren't you an independent woman now?"
And then there was that. The piercing gaze that told Tina that Rosie hadn't forgiven her for breaking Alastor's heart.
Fortunately, the Radio Demon intervened before either woman could enact on her hidden frustration. "Rosie, chère, why don't I show you to the VIP lounge so we can discuss business in a more private setting?"
Tina mouthed her husband a thanks as he escorted Rosie into the adjoining room. This left the Songbat alone to greet the next VIP guest.
Prince Stolas of the Goetia family had not come alone. While his daughter Octavia was to be expected, he was surrounded by an entourage of three imps, two males and a female, and a bored-looking hellhound.
"Oh, my!" Stolas took in the scenery. "What a quaint little romantic atmosphere! Wouldn't you agree, Blitzy?"
The tallest imp rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm only here cuz these fucking lovebirds," he said, pointing to the two other imps, "wouldn't shut up about this party."
"Well, it's no Ozzie's," said the other male imp, "but given the lack of exotic dancers, I figured this would be a…quieter change from our last night out."
"I think it's adorable!" said the female imp on his arm. "Ooh, I ain't gone swing dancin' in ages! Come on, Moxxie!"
While Moxxie was pulled onto the dance floor, Tina approached the demon prince.
"Your highness." She curtsied. "Thanks for accepting our invitation."
"Well, after you sang at my daughter's sixth birthday," Stolas said, "it was the least I could do. Although," he bent down to whisper, "I heard a rumor that your ex is managing this hotel as well."
Tina nodded and pointed to the side room. "He's in the VIP lounge, if ya wanna speak with him."
"But is it also true that the two of you have reconciled?"
She placed her hands behind her back, hiding the rings. "Ask me again after Al's performance."
"Okay, where's the booze?" the tall imp demanded.
Stolas chuckled and patted the imp's head. "Oh, Blitzy, eager to try the champagne, are we?"
"Bar's over there," Tina said. "Just keep in mind there's a two-drink limit per guest."
Blitzy went pale. "I'm sorry. A what limit?"
"Don't like it," Tina said with a grin, "you can always leave."
He turned on his heel, only for Stolas to grab his hand. "Looks like they have pink champagne! Shall we try it, Blitzy?"
The imp groaned as he was dragged away. "It's Blitz. Blitz!"
As Tina watched the two of them head over to the bar, she figured this was the imp the Prince was rumored to be having an affair with. She couldn't help but giggle as they reminded her of how she and Alastor were a few weeks ago. Had she really come off as such a sourpuss?
"And why should I bother investing in this hotel?" Rosie asked.
She and Alastor were alone on a couch in the VIP lounge, allowing him to make his pitch.
"For one," he explained, "you owe me for defending Cannibal Colony from Vox's wrath last year. Not to mention the countless other favors I've done for you."
She shook her head. "And to think I assumed you did all that out of the goodness of your heart."
"In addition, I can guarantee you some additional…clients." He glanced around to ensure nobody was listening before leaning in. "See, my wife set up this three-strikes policy. If a guest breaks the rules of this establishment three times, they are immediately evicted. Once they are no longer patrons of the hotel, my coworkers will not care what happens to them. So, I can easily send the rejects your way, if you catch my drift."
Alastor winked. Rosie's smile widened.
"It's an intriguing proposition, but I do wonder how your wife would feel about such an arrangement."
"Please." He waved a hand. "My wife hardly pays attention to my business transactions. She doesn't have to know what happens to the demons she evicts, so long as the ones under her care are still protected."
Rosie hummed. "Well, I will consider compensating for every client you send my way. However, I think we both know the real reason you're at this hotel at all." She locked gaze with him. "Not that your marriage is any of my business, but do you really think it wise to be making deals like this behind your wife's back, while you're in the process of regaining her affections?"
Alastor paused. "She told me not to harm anyone in the hotel. She never said anything about what I was allowed to do to them after they left. All the same, I think it's best if she is ignorant of our little arrangement."
She shook her head. "Only because I hate to see you fail, my dear friend, I will send you a check tomorrow. And another, once the clients start pouring in. Shall we say…a thousand for each soul you refer to me?"
"And that's why you're my favorite business partner, Rosie!" Alastor held out his hand. "Let's shake on this quick, before one of my other partners gets wise to what's transpiring here."
In truth, Rosie didn't care for the hotel, or the increase in meat supply, though that was a bonus. She just wanted to give the Radio Demon as much a chance with his estranged wife as possible, considering how disoriented he was without her.
When Alastor had first announced to Rosie that he was engaged, she had been surprised, as well as suspicious. Especially when he introduced his fiancée. While Tina was indeed beautiful, with the style of a flapper and the charm of a southern belle, she hadn't seemed like the kind of demon who would catch the affection of an Overlord who had previously shown no romantic or sexual interest of any kind. More so when Rosie learned she wasn't a cannibal.
Then Rosie had noticed Tina's strained smile and tense shoulders whenever she was around Alastor, and the situation became clear. While Rosie had never brought it up with her friend, she'd figured out that he'd made a deal with Tina of some kind, and that this wasn't a love match. The deals he made were not Rosie's concern, so she'd left it alone.
But then an unexpected change came over the Radio Demon that made Rosie question her theory. How whenever he spoke of Tina, his face lit up, quite literally. How whenever Tina was in the room, he rarely took his gleaming eyes off her. How in either occurrence, his cheeks would relax into a smaller, more natural smile.
Needless to say, Rosie had known long before Alastor just how smitten he was.
What had been more shocking was when he had asked her for advice on physical relations. If he was willing to bypass his insecurities for the sake of his wife, then the Radio Demon truly had surrendered himself to love.
The next time Rosie saw the all-powerful Overlord, he'd been reduced to a broken-hearted mess. He hadn't been the same since.
And so, once their latest deal was made, Rosie warned her friend, "Tread carefully with Tina, Alastor. She trampled on your heart once. Who's to say she won't do it again?"
He stood from the couch. "I appreciate your concern, darling, but I have already taken precautions to ensure that doesn't happen again. Should my initial plan fail, I have another for backup."
Rosie cocked her head as she studied him. "Yet something's troubling you."
He swung his hands behind his back to hide their twitching. "No, mon amie. I am quite confident that before the night is through, Tina will never think to leave me ever again."
Of course, Rosie's powers of observation were, once again, right on the money.
As the Radio Demon left the VIP lounge, he scanned the ballroom for Tina. She was by the buffet table, conversing with Stolas. Alastor couldn't hear what they were saying, but judging by her confident air and grin, he supposed she was in the middle of a negotiation. Made sense that she would target the prince as a potential sponsor. Not only was he wealthy, but one of the more relaxed members of Hell's royalty, and she'd already caught his attention at various social events.
From the way Stolas was nodding, the negotiation seemed to be going well.
Then Tina made what Alastor liked to call her begging face. When her eyes grew wide and pleading, her lips curling into a cute little pout. It was almost impossible for even the Radio Demon to resist. Almost.
Stolas ended up shaking the Songbat's hand, making Alastor beam with pride.
Her gaze caught his. Blushing, Alastor turned away and bolted over to the bar. Angel Dust was perched on a stool, leaning provocatively over the counter while Husk mixed a drink for another guest.
"Don't you have a song to get ready for?" the cat asked.
Angel shook his head. "Don't go on till eight."
"Where'd that friend of yours go?"
"She's on the dancefloor, pickin' up a date."
"Then why don't you hit the dancefloor and pick up some asshole?"
The spider smirked. "Only asshole I'm pickin' up tonight is you, Husky."
"I'm working."
"When's your break?"
"Not for a while."
"Then I'll wait."
Alastor stepped up. "Is this whore bothering you?"
"Nah." Husk handed off the drink he was mixing. "At this point, I'm used to this pest."
"Aw, am I finally wearin' ya down, Husky?" Angel adjusted his bodice. "Knew this dress would do the trick."
Rolling his eyes, Alastor took the stool beside Angel. "Give me whatever bubbly nonalcoholic beverage the Princess is forcing us to drink."
Husk sighed. "One glass of fake-ass champagne, coming up."
As he poured, Alastor tapped his finger on the counter, his thoughts wandering back to the photographs. If just the sight of her bare body like that made her anxious, how was he ever going to get through tonight?
"Uh, Al?" Husk said. "Your drink's been ready for a full minute now."
"Hmm?" Alastor looked down at the glass in front of him. "Oh, yes. Thank you, Husker."
He picked up the glass, but did not take a sip, only stared at the bubbles fizzing to the top.
"Damn," Husk said. "Never seen ya so bothered that you wouldn't drink. Even if it ain't real booze."
"Something on your mind, Smiles?" Angel plopped his head onto Alastor's shoulder. "Need a little man-to-man talk?"
Alastor grunted as he shoved him off. "Not while you're in a dress."
Then, floating across the room and grazing the Radio Demon's ears, came Tina's laughter. As tempting as it was to turn around and see her joyful face, the images from earlier persisted.
"Err, actually, Angel," Alastor said, circling the rim of his glass, "might I ask you for some…intimate advice?"
"Oh, I knew it!" Angel's face was suddenly in his. "You're finally doing the nasty with Tina tonight and you've come to me for sex tips!"
Husk shoved the spider away before Alastor could. "Lower your voice, will ya?"
"Please." Angel threw up his upper arms. "Like anyone here cares."
"No, please, be quiet." Alastor glanced around, then whispered, "I… It's supposed to be a surprise."
"Right. Gotcha." Angel winked, and this time, did lower his voice. "So, have ya thought about who's gonna be on top? Between you and me, you come off as more a bottom. I mean have ya seen yourself when Bat Girl gets all angry and dominant?"
Alastor blushed. "That's not what I—"
"Oh, I get it." Angel draped an arm around him and pressed their cheeks together. "Ya need me to hook ya up with some condoms? Know ya can't knock her up, but STDs are still possible down here. Especially if she's been boinkin' with my crowd."
"I don't need—"
"Viagra, then? Lube? Handcuffs? Guacamole?"
"Will you listen to my question, or must I swab your earholes with my microphone?!"
"Whoa, whoa, relax!" Angel held up his hands. "I'm just screwin' with ya, Al."
Alastor winced. "Please, don't phrase it that way."
"Shit, you're easily offended." The spider leaned his cheek onto his palm. "What's the question?"
After another quick glance around, Alastor murmured, "Is it…normal for someone to send their spouse…photographs of a, err, sensitive nature?"
Husk froze. The bottle he held continued pouring into a glass, overflowing it.
Angel wriggled his brow at the deer. "You thinkin' of sendin' Tee some nudes?"
"Of course—" Alastor stopped himself from shouting. "Of course not."
"You gonna ask her to do it?"
"I…" His voice was barely audible. "Don't…need to."
"Fuck!" Angel slammed his palms on the counter. "She's already sent ya some?!"
"Hush!"
"Wait." He scratched his head. "I thought ya didn't have a hell phone."
"They were…" Alastor squirmed in his seat. "Physical photographs."
Angel whistled. "And I thought Tee was gonna go cold turkey with ya. But whoa, did she change her mind fast!"
Husk finally came to his senses when the fizzy drink spilled onto his feet. "Shit."
"The problem is…" Alastor set down his glass. "I don't know who took the photos."
"Oh." Angel shrugged. "I wouldn't worry 'bout it too much, Smiles. Hell is full of nude photographers. She probably paid someone to do it."
"There were a lot."Alastor locked eyes with him. "Hundreds."
Angel's smug expression fell. "Uh, okay. That would be expensive." He perked up. "But hey, likely nothing happened. Even if the photographer was a sleaze, ya know Tee wouldn't've let the bastard touch her. And she wouldn't send ya nudes if it wasn't solely for your pleasure, right?"
"I don't know," Husk said as he wiped the counter. "That doesn't sound like something Tina would do."
"Maybe she's tryin' new things to get Smiles interested. I mean considerin' ya've been makin' out with her half-naked all day, makes sense she'd think that kinda thing might get ya off. Though I don't know when she would've had the time to do all that."
Both the cat and deer stared at the spider in shock.
"What? Tee's my girl buddy now. And girl buddies talk about each other's sex-capades."
Husk turned to Alastor. "You and Tina are back together?"
The Radio Demon tapped his fingers together. "Technically, yes. But…"
Angel frowned. "The nudes didn't get ya off, did they?"
Alastor focused on his untouched drink. "I just think…she's expecting too much from me. After all, she's had more experience. What if…I disappoint her?"
"Damn. Not this again." Husk leaned on the counter. "Al, I told ya last time, ya gotta set your boundaries, and talk with her about the things that bother ya."
"I have. Well, not about those photographs. After all, we haven't had time to… We've been busy with—"
"Look, Al." Angel grabbed his face and forced their eyes to meet. "Do you wanna bone her?"
Alastor cringed. "I wouldn't put it so vulgarly, but…yes? Maybe?"
"Well, I know for a fact she wants to bone you. Sometimes, that's all ya need. You'll figure out the rest as ya go. And ya know, even if it isn't as good as you expect it, you can always do better next time. It won't change how ya feel about each other."
"Huh." Husk raised an eyebrow. "Ya know? He's not completely wrong there."
Alastor pushed Angel away. "But the last time I didn't do what she expected, we…" He looked down at his hands. "Well, we lived apart for ten years."
"And how long have you two been back together?" Husk asked.
"Since last night."
"Last night? Don't you think it's way too soon for you to be doing something like this?"
Angel huffed. "They've already been hitched for twenty years. He's kept her waitin' long enough."
"At the same time though, you only just started patching things up. Al, if you're gonna be this serious with her, you gotta be doing it for the right reasons."
"What better reason than that I love her?" Alastor asked. "Not to mention the…other reason."
Husk nodded in understanding.
"What other reason?" Angel asked. "You two sending secret signals with your eyes or something? What am I missin' here?"
Before the conversation could get any more awkward, Charlie came up to the three men. "Hey, Al, it's almost 7:30. I'm gonna start my speech. If that's okay?"
Clearly, she was worried about using the Radio Demon's microphone without his permission.
"Oh, you're all set, darling." Alastor gestured to the stage. "The mic's already recording live. All you have to do is speak into it."
Charlie tapped her fingers together. "I just hope it's enough to get more people to come to the hotel, or at least come to the party."
He shrugged. "If nothing else, it'll make for an entertaining show!"
"Just don't break into a corny song this time," Angel said. "Leave the singin' and dancin' to the professionals, toots."
Once Mimzy was done with her number, she passed off the microphone to Charlie. Or rather, she stepped back to make room for Charlie, as both of them were afraid of what might happen if they touched the Radio Demon's source of power. After giving Mimzy a wave, the Princess addressed the crowd.
"Hello, everyone!"
A screech of feedback emitted from the mic, causing everyone but Alastor to cover their ears. Charlie smiled awkwardly as she started over.
"Hi! This is your princess, Charlie, wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day! I'd like to thank everyone for choosing to spend the most romantic night of the year here at the Hap—I mean Hazbin Hotel! I know this passion project of mine had a rocky start, but thanks to my new co-managers, Alastor and Tina, we've made incredible progress in these few short weeks alone."
She gave a nod to Alastor, then Tina, before continuing. "And I'd like to thank all the sinners who've joined our team, and the ones who've been making an effort to redeem themselves. I know not all of you may believe in my cause, but it means a lot having you here. And, of course, I'd like to thank my girlfriend, Vaggie, for supporting me every step of the way, even in the toughest of times, when no one else would. Not even—Dad?"
Charlie froze as her gaze focused on the large doorway. Heads turned to see Lucifer striding into the ballroom, his wife Lilith on his arm. The crowd erupted into a series of gasps and murmurs as everyone hastened to bow their heads. Only the Radio Demon wasn't the least bit surprised.
Vaggie covered her mouth and looked up at her partner onstage. Charlie's jaw trembled as she stared at her parents with wide, disbelieving eyes.
Once she had the strength to move her lips, she uttered, "M-My parents. My parents are here." Remembering that she had an audience, Charlie perked up and said, "Give it up for King Lucifer and Queen Lilith, everyone!"
Every demon with the good sense not to disrespect Hell's most distinguished monarchs applauded. Lucifer tipped his hat while Lilith blew a kiss and waved. The King then motioned for his daughter to finish her speech.
"Right." Charlie shook her head. "Well. Tonight's program features acts from our talented staff and residents, starting with the latest addition to our management team, former owner of The Reckoning, Tina Twinkle the Songbat!"
Charlie spread her arm as she backed away from the mic, welcoming Tina to take her place. Unlike Mimzy and Charlie, the Songbat had the guts to grab the Radio Demon's mic and hold it up to her mouth.
"That's right, bitches! After a five-year hiatus, I'm finally back onstage!"
The audience hooted and hollered. It helped that many of the demons had been under her employment for years, and were eager to see her comeback.
"Oops!" Tina covered her mouth as she eyed Vaggie. "Forgot. I'm supposed to keep this performance PG. I'll put a buck in the swear jar later."
"What's she doing?" Vaggie whispered to her partner. "This wasn't part of her rehearsal."
"She's improvising." Charlie beamed. "And telling jokes."
"I thought she didn't wanna do any standup."
"Seems she changed her mind."
"I see we got some big names out here tonight." Tina pointed at the crowd. "There's Rosie from Cannibal Colony. Sorry, honey, but the finger sandwiches ain't got actual fingers. Then there's Prince Stolas, takin' a break from high society to hang out with the riffraff, and escape from his soon-to-be-ex-wife. And we have, of course, Hell's very own King and Queen, here to support their daughter in their endeavors! What took ya so long?"
"I see her manners haven't changed in the slightest," Lilith said to her husband.
"Nor has her sense of humor," Lucifer said.
"Okay, let's get real for a moment." Tina placed a hand on her hip. "How many of y'all believe we can actually get to Heaven?"
Charlie and Vaggie were the only ones to raise their hands.
"Fine. Now, this question's for our staff and patrons. How many of y'all believe your situation has improved since ya got here?"
The reaction was slow, but numerous hands raised, including Angel's.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Tina raised her own hand. "Things have gotten better for me too since I joined the Princess in her project. Course, before this, my club was in ruins, plus I and a hundred fifty other demons were homeless, so anything would've been a step up.
"Even so," she said, gesturing to Charlie, "this girl here took a chance on us. Took a chance on me. Y'all been givin' her a hard time for this wild idea of hers, but she ain't something to laugh at."
Charlie's hand went to over her heart in gratitude.
"I know, we've had our hiccups," Tina continued. "Relapses are expected in rehabilitation. Y'all remember the Radio Demon's drunken episode going viral a couple weeks ago."
Alastor stiffened as several pairs of eyes locked on him.
Swinging the staff like a baseball bat, Tina sang in an uncanny, drunken impression of her husband. "Take me out to the-hic-ballgame! Take me out to the-hic-crowd!"
"Hey, that's pretty spot on!" Angel elbowed the Radio Demon. "She's got ya down pat, Smiles!"
While the room roared with laughter, Alastor scowled, but restrained himself. After all, it was Tina's style to roast any person of interest in the audience, and she'd mentioned him in many of her sets.
"You thought that was crazy," Tina said in her normal accent, "ya should've seen him in the bedroom that night. He was an animal."
There were whistles as Alastor tugged at his collar. Did she have to put it that way?
"No, literally. Fangs, claws and all." She bared her teeth and claws. "Grrr! If I weren't his legal wife, my blood would've been his nightcap."
That part, at least, had some truth to it.
"But to be fair, good ole Al's really turned around since then. I know cuz I'm the one draggin' him by the ear to every single group therapy session. Just goes to show anyone can change with the right motivation."
Someone slapped Alastor on the back, coaxing a startled chirp out of him. Lucifer had made his way over to the bar.
"I had no idea you were such a pushover, old chap!"
"Okay, okay." Tina raised a hand to cease the laughs. "In all seriousness, regardless of what you believe, our hotel is no doubt a hotspot for demons down on their luck. And so, this is song is dedicated to all you losers out there."
As she snapped her fingers, the ruby ring on her finger glowed and her eyes flashed red.
"Hit it, Skinny!"
The cat demon blew his trumpet, leading the rest of the band into a hip jazz number. Tina twirled the mic, swished her flouncy skirt, and sang:
"Here's to those who love not wisely, know not wisely, but too well.
To the girl who sighs with envy when she hears that wedding bell.
To the guy who'd throw a party if he knew someone to call.
Here's to the losers, bless 'em all."
Tina flew over to the bar and seated herself on the counter.
"Here's to those who drink their dinners when that lady doesn't show." She ruffled Alastor's hair, then elbowed Angel Dust. "To the girl who waits for kisses underneath that mistletoe."
Her hand brushed against Alastor's arm as she hopped off and sauntered over to Charlie and Vaggie.
"To the lonely summer lovers when the leaves begin to fall.
Here's to the losers, bless 'em all."
At the next verse, Tina danced past a group of three male demons, whose eyes flashed red as she winked at them. Like at the fountain a couple weeks ago, she was using the magic from her ring to get them invested in her performance.
"Hey, Tom, Dick, and Harry, come in out of the rain.
se torches you carry must be drowned in champagne."
She returned to the bar and snatched Alastor's unfinished glass of nonalcoholic champagne.
"Here's the last toast of the evening, here's to those who still believe."
Her eyes locked onto her husband's as she made her way back to the stage.
"All the losers will be winners, all the givers shall receive."
She leaped onstage. "Here's to trouble-free tomorrows, may your sorrows all be small.
With her audience captivated, she raised her glass. "Here's to the losers, bless 'em all."
The crowd cheered as she downed the drink, then hurled it back over to the bar. Before it could hit anybody, or shatter against the wall, Alastor caught it in his hand. Tina giggled and blew a kiss as she danced through the musical interlude.
"Hey, Tom, Dick, and Harry, come in out of the rain.
Those torches you carry must be drowned in champagne.
"Here's the last toast of the evening, here's to those who still believe.
All the losers will be winners, all the givers shall receive.
Here's to trouble-free tomorrows, may your sorrows all be small.
Here's to the losers, here's to the losers, here's to the losers."
On the last line, Tina jumped into the air and spun around. "Bless 'em all!"
Even those who were unaffected by Tina's magical influence burst into applause, which was amplified thanks to the Radio Demon's mic. She laughed as she made a series of unladylike bows.
Just like the night Alastor first laid eyes on her. Still the most enchanting creature in all of Hell.
The voice of the Devil snapped him out of his daze. "Takes you back, doesn't it, old chap?" Lucifer asked.
"Indeed," Alastor said.
"And to think, if I hadn't given you that little push, you wouldn't have given that woman the time of day."
The Radio Demon rolled his eyes. "If you're trying to get a thank you out of me, Luci, your ego is already large enough."
"Look who's speaking." The Devil wrapped an arm around him, pulling him off his stool. "Judging by the rings displayed on her finger, I'd say you've made progress?"
"You'll hear it officially tonight."
"In that case," Lucifer said, reaching into his coat pocket, "I hope you will deliver on your promises, as I have." He pulled out a manilla envelope. "The information you requested."
Not taking his eyes off Tina, who was announcing the next act, Alastor took the envelope and slid it into his jacket.
"You will notify me the moment you have news?"
The Radio Demon nodded. "I can assure you, Luci, you'll have your little protégé soon."
"Daddy?"
Hearing his daughter, Lucifer patted Alastor on the back and faced her with a grin. "Hello, sweetheart."
"W-What are you doing here?" Charlie couldn't seem to decide whether she should smile or cry.
"Why, I came to support my daughter, of course!"
"But last time we talked, you told me not to come home until I came to my sen—"
"Tut, tut!" Lucifer pressed a finger to her lips. "I still think this folly of yours is a waste of time, but it's Valentine's Day! Let's just agree to disagree and have some fun tonight, alright?" He took her hand. "Or are you too old to spare a dance with your old man?"
Charlie decided to smile, and not question this small miracle.
As he passed by Alastor, Lucifer whispered, "I doubt you need a reminder, but I don't like it when my deals are broken."
The Radio Demon laughed it off, but inside, he was panicking. Not so much over what Lucifer would do to him if he didn't produce a child soon, but the steps he'd have to take with Tina to make it happen.
Someone tapped Alastor's shoulder. "Hey."
Had it been any other demon, he would've whipped around and chomped off their hand for touching him so suddenly. But with Tina, he just whipped around.
His voice came out in an unexpected squeak. "D-Darling."
Tina pointed at Lucifer and Charlie dancing together. "Was he the surprise guest you were going on about?"
This was just the distraction Alastor needed from the storm brewing in his mind. "Well, you didn't think he was going to come to an event like this without some persuasion, did you?"
She crossed her arms. "What did it cost?"
"Nothing we couldn't afford, darling." He patted his coat pocket. "Oh, by the way, your performance was brilliant, as always. I was truly captivated. Why, it made me want to…"
She looked up at him expectantly, her gorgeous eyes lighting up. "Yeah?"
What he almost said was, "Marry you all over again," but he worried that wouldn't be enough. Based on those photographs, she wanted more than mere words to solidify their relationship.
"Well, um…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "You'll…have to wait until later."
Tina blushed as she smoothed out her skirt. "I, uh, know ya gotta make the announcement first, but…" She stepped closer. "Ya maybe wanna…sneak away for a bit?"
As much as Alastor wanted to pick her up, squeeze her tight and shower her with kisses, those nudes still plagued his mind.
"I'd, err, love to, but…" He backed away. "I have some, err, business to attend to, before I make my announcement."
That was half-true. He had yet to look at the envelope he'd gotten from Lucifer.
"Oh." Tina's shoulders slumped. "Well, after ya make your announcement, can we have that dance I promised ya?"
"O-Of course." He waved. "See you in a few, mon amour!"
Alastor teleported to his room in time for his knees to give out and his smile to drop.
"Damn it all." He ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know how much longer I can keep up this façade."
Chesterfield pointed to the box of photographs, still on the kitchen counter and firmly resealed with ribbon.
"Well of course I want to ask her about those, but that will only create conflict and we don't need that when we're finally in a good place." Sighing, Alastor stood and pulled the envelope from his coat. "But never mind that right now. We have more pressing matters."
This was it. All the information on Tina's long-lost daughter lay in his hands. He found himself nervous at the thought that his stepdaughter might be in Hell, and that he might be a father sooner than he'd thought.
Taking a deep breath, he opened the envelope, pulled out the documents inside, and skimmed through them.
Slowly, Alastor's grin returned. And the more he read, the wider it became.
"This changes everything."
I know you probably wanted more of the "Helluva Boss" crew, but honestly, I couldn't really do much else to squeeze them into the narrative.