Confessions

When Sasuke walks back into the living room his brother has already put his bag on the couch. Seeing the bandage around his head and his right arm in a brace, reminds Sasuke how close he had gotten to losing him and the thought causes a lump to form in his throat. Without a word he walks forward, their eyes meet each other for a moment, and neither of them need any words at all as they embrace each other in relief.
The two brothers hold on to each other for dear life for a while, as if the other would disappear as soon as they let go. The despair Sasuke had felt comes back to him and again he realizes that without his brother he wouldn't know how to move on. The tears sting in his eyes and he swallows hard, pushing them back, and with a sigh he lets go of Itachi.

"Sasuke, I'm-"

"How is your head?" Sasuke interrupts him as he takes a step back. "Didn't the doctor tell you to take it easy for a day longer? Sit down, I'll make some tea for you." Itachi sighs and knows that it's no use going against his younger brothers orders. It seems the serious conversation has to wait until both have settled down for a bit.

"You don't need to mother me, little brother." Itachi says as he sits down on the couch and it doesn't take long before Sasuke walks back into the room with two cups and a can of tea.

"You wouldn't act any different if our roles were reversed." Sasuke pouts for a bit as he prepares their tea for them. "I guess at least you won't be going back to work for a while with your arm bandaged up like that… Does Kakashi know you're back?"

"He knows I'd be back in a couple of days and has told me to take it easy for he can handle it. And don't worry I have no intention of getting back to work for a week."

"More than a week." Sasuke replies quickly, looking sternly at his older brother. "A month at least if it were up to me. At the least you'll be confined to the house for two weeks." Itachi looks at his younger brother for a while, studying his earnest expression, and then sighs.

"Very well. I guess we'll just see how things go." Taking a sip from his tea he then looks at his younger brother who really must have been through quite a shock, becoming so overprotective of him. "Just promise me you will be going back to school and that you'll do your best for the upcoming exams. You don't have to worry anymore, I'm not going anywhere and these injury's aren't life-threatening." He reaches out to Sasuke with the last line, but Sasuke quickly moves his head away, facing away from his brother.
I don't have to worry anymore?! Doesn't he know just how much… How much-! Sasuke closes his eyes stiff as the tears are back in them and the lump in his throat makes it just painful to swallow, almost too painful to breathe. He takes a deep breath and composes himself.

"Did you have anything to eat yet? Are you hungry?" Sasuke asks, still not looking at his brother, which worries Itachi.

"I… had something to eat before getting on the plane, so I guess I'm not that hungry." Itachi replies as he takes his hand back and looks away. He's angry with me… Can't say I blame him. Sasuke… You were already so against this trip after all. All this must have brought some very painful memories back to you… How could I have been so inconsiderate, just because things seemed to be going better with you… This time it is Itachi who looks away as he hardly dares to speak, yet when he does he is relieved to hear that his voice doesn't tremble as much as he had feared it would. "I guess I am actually a bit tired from the flight."

"You should get some rest then." Sasuke replies looking at his brother again as Itachi stands up, swallowing the rest of his tea. "I'll take the bag upstairs and I'll get you some water and a strap of painkillers in case you get a headache…"

"Thank you little brother, I'd appreciate that." Itachi replies tiredly as he walks towards the stairs and Sasuke watches him go, both of them having a heavy heart and the same thought on their minds. This is not how I had thought our reunion would go…

"If… If there is anything else… Anything at all… You tell me..?" Sasuke says, feeling a bit awkward. Itachi turns around to look at his younger brother with a soft smile and he gestures him to come closer. Sasuke walks towards his brother with an unsure and small smile on his face and as he gets close enough Itachi taps him on his forehead like he used to when they were younger.

"Foolish little brother. As long as we have each other all will be well. I just need to rest for a while. Tomorrow we'll talk." Itachi says, laying a hand on the younger Uchiha's head for a moment, causing Sasuke to smile genuinely for a little while.

"I know, stupid Nii-san. I don't think I'll stay up much longer either. It… It's just really good to have you home again." As black eyes meet they both soften.

"It is very good to be home again."

The sun is out and it feels as if I'm walking on air through the city which seems to sleep as there is no one else there. My hand feels warm and as I look at it I see it's clasping another hand gently. When I slowly look up to see whom that hand belongs to I meet with the most enchanting and beautifully warm, blue eyes I have ever seen and it seems a miracle when they shine even brighter as they smile at me. It feels as if I'm walking on air, as if nothing could touch me or ruin this moment as long as I have my lover by my side. I close my eyes as I feel a short squeeze in my hand and take a deep breath.
I suddenly hear my brother call my name. As I open my eyes the sky seems to have turned red, but I pay it no heed as I search for my brother. Further in the street I see him standing there, gesturing for me to come closer in that familiar way.
The sound of thunder echo's all around us and the earth seems to shake as suddenly an enormous crack seems to form in the road behind my brother. I call for him, try to warn him, and I start to run while dragging my partner along. It seems we are not fast enough! The crack slithers towards my brother who seems unable to move towards me, but I can see the terror on his face. I have to go faster! Suddenly I seem to get pulled down by the hand I was holding, and suddenly I'm free. As I look back I find my lover has stumbled and fallen to the ground. The sound of thunder rages again and a thin lined crack shoots underneath me from past my brother to my partner, widening as it gets closer to him. The thunder sounds again and in it I hear them both scream my name.
I'm torn… I can't choose… I look back and forth between the two people who are the most important in my life. They are my life! I cannot live without either of them! I can't choose! My frustrated and despairing scream seems to melt with yet another wave of the crashing sound of thunder and the earth seems to open up underneath both of them. I can do nothing but helplessly watch as they get both swallowed by the earth, their pleading and despairing screams still ringing in my ears…

With a shock Sasuke wakes up, out of breath and his cheeks wet from his tears. He takes a moment to catch his breath, looking up to the ceiling, but the feeling of apprehension doesn't seem to disappear. Something woke me up. He thinks as he throws his legs over the side of the bed and sits up. The urge to see his brother is too big to resist and he quickly dashes towards Itachi's room.
Once there he finds Itachi trashing around in his bed, groaning and whimpering as he fights whatever demons haunt him in his dreams. Though what those demons could be Sasuke has quite a few guesses. Should I wake him up? Sasuke wonders as he walks closer, his heart breaking at seeing his brother in so much pain. His always so strong and composed brother. The one who was always there for him when he had a nightmare, the big brother who was always so calm and comforting… Sasuke swallows hard, takes a breath and turns around to quickly make his way to the bathroom where he gets a glass of water. Try not to think of what he's dreaming about! Try not to think of what he's dreaming about! Sasuke thinks to himself as he hurries back to the room, not caring whether he spills some of the water.
It is just when Sasuke enters the room again that Itachi sits up with a shout, having managed to escape his nightmare, and he sits there for a bit longer, catching his breath and realizing anew that he really is in a save place.

"Nii-san…" Sasuke says softly as he carefully sits down next to his brother while Itachi turns to sit on the edge of the bed so he has made some space for him. "Here…" Itachi nods as he takes the glass of water. His hands are shaking… Sasuke sees and his heart beats more painfully in his chest. Nii-san… You really have lived through those nightmares I used to have… Sasuke swallows hard as he closes his eyes, pushing away the memories of those nightmares and the pictures he had found years ago.

"I'm sorry little brother… That you have to see me like this…" Itachi says softly.

"It… It's okay…" Sasuke answers, composing himself. He has to be the strong brother now. "I know what you're going through." Itachi smiles for a second, though it's not a real smile.

"I surely hope not… I would never wish this kind of a trauma on you…" With the last line his voice had gotten softer from emotion and Itachi lets out a shaky breath. "I'm… I will be fine… Eventually…" and he tries to smile genuinely at his worried little brother, though Sasuke can see right through it.

"It's not fine!" Sasuke states, tears stinging in his eyes, dark memories surfacing. I do know, Nii-san! M-maybe I should tell him… Maybe then he'll be the protective brother again, keep his walls low so he won't push me away as long as he can worry about someone.. About me… "And I do know! I know how messed up the world suddenly looks! How terrifying it is to find the earth shaking and turning in to a monster that can swallow you up! And that there is no shelter to be found anywhere! Not outside, not inside, not on top of a building or hiding underground!" Sasuke has started to tremble as he recalls and for the first time describes the images that have been haunting him for years. "I know how terrifying and powerless you feel when you find dead bodies everywhere, s-screams everywhere… Dead families, dead children, dead animals! The fear of being trapped, of suffocati-!"

"Stop, stop! P-please stop little brother…" Itachi says with an emotion filled voice as he pulls his younger brother close in a tight embrace, feeling him tremble against him. "It's enough… You… shouldn't know this..!"

"B-but I do…" Sasuke says between his shocking shoulders and tears as finally he confesses the truth to the one person who has truly always, always been there for him. "I-I'm sorry… I didn't… I c-couldn't tell you…"

"It's okay…" Itachi shushes, tears stinging in his eyes while he moves his hand comfortingly over the younger Uchiha's back. "You can tell me anything, Sasuke. …You know that right?" The last line was nothing more but an unsure whisper. The thought that Sasuke has disappointed his brother brings only more tears to his eyes and his heart beats painfully in his chest, causing him to hold Itachi tighter.

"I-I know… I-It's just…" Sasuke takes a deep shaky breath, loosening his grip a bit more. Here goes… He thinks and he takes another, more steady deep breath. "Couple of years ago, during the start of high-school, I came across a sky-view picture of Japan after the earthquake and t-tsunami.. A-and I… I don't know what made me do it, b-but I…" Another deep breath. "I started looking for more images… I guess I just… I just wanted to find them. I guess I hoped I could find them walking down those streets somewhere… B-but what I f-found..! I-! I couldn't tell you because it was all my fault!" Sasuke confesses and Itachi makes some space between them so he can hold his little brother's face in both hands to make him look at the other.

"That's not true! Sasuke, never, never think that again! No-one is to blame when nature shows it's true power. What on earth made you think that?!" Itachi says worriedly.

"Because they were in that village for me!" Sasuke shouts as he hits his brother's hands away. "S-so close to the coast… I recognized mother's blouse- Tsk!" Sasuke tries to wipe some more tears away in vain, not seeing the horror on Itachi's face. "T-there was a box on that image as well… H-had the Uchiha crest on it… My birthday would have been a week later… It was a special kind of art supplies that could only be found in that village! They were there f-for me! I k-killed them!"

"N-no, no! Sasuke..!" Itachi grabs a hold of the devastated younger Uchiha, holding him tightly.

"I killed our parents!"

"No! Just be quiet!" Itachi says sternly, tears flowing down his face now too, his heart breaking as he realizes that his little brother has been living with this guilt for all these years. "Sasuke, please listen to me. Y-you didn't kill them. Never, never think that! " They hold on to each other tightly as they let their tears flow for finally the truth is out. And it hurts more than either would have thought it would, both feeling guilt although for different reasons. "I… I'm so, so sorry you had to walk around with this guilt for so long…" Itachi says softly after a while when he notices how Sasuke's shoulders have stopped shocking and his sobbing has subsided somewhat and he kisses the top of his head gently.

"I…" Sasuke starts and sniffs, not sure what he wishes to say, what he wishes to hear. "Forgive me?" He asks softly before even realizing that he needed to, still not daring to look up as he hides his face against his brothers shoulder.

"Sasuke… You did nothing, nothing wrong." Itachi replies, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Listen, my little brother, you are not to blame for them being there, in Japan or in that village. They went there of their own choice and they couldn't have known what would happen… Please, my dear brother, do not blame yourself for their deaths! You didn't cause that earthquake now did you?"

"N-no… At least, I don't think I have that kind of a super power…" Sasuke replies as he closes his eyes and his heart seems to get a little lighter as he hears his brother chuckle.

"Of any superpower, I don't think that one would fit you. Although a tsunami could be caused by the amount of tears you've shed by now." Itachi replies, not missing this opportunity to lighten up the mood, though his remark does earn him a poke in the ribs, and though Sasuke wipes his tears away, to Itachi's surprise the younger Uchiha doesn't seem to intend to let him go, despite his pouting.

"Sasuke..?" Itachi asks after a while of moving his hand up and down his younger brothers back, being slightly worried still by the others behaviour.

"Hn." Sasuke answers as he makes his decision. "T-there is something else too… Something I should have said before you left…"

"Uhn. Tell me." Itachi replies patiently and gently.

"I… I love you too, Nii-san. I know I don't say that often, but… I should have said it back before…" Sasuke says and swallows hard for the next part. "W-when I thought you were dead… I really didn't think I could move forward… Without you, there was no point… You are the only one I have, the only one who truly cares for me. And… without you my world just falls apart… So, don't you just fucking ever, ever dare scare me like that again! I need you, your life is not just your own! So don't take any such risks ever again, alright?!" Sasuke leans back a bit so he can look his brother in his eyes. "For I won't forgive you if you do. I can't. Lose. You." The determination in Sasuke's tearstained eyes makes Itachi swallow hard, knowing how much he has scared the younger Uchiha.

"I promise I won't leave you again for such a faraway trip, and to be more careful to steer away from any such big risks." Itachi answers and he leans forward to lean with his forehead against his younger brothers. "And I do love you, my little brother. You are to me as well the only one I have… I couldn't bear to lose you." The tears sting in Itachi's eyes again and he leans up a bit to gently kiss the top of his little brothers head before he continues. "I'm so sorry you've seen those images. I've tried so hard to shield you from it after it had happened. Taking away any newspapers, keeping the television from any news programs… I promise to be more careful, to be more observant of you. But you have to promise me that you'll try not to blame yourself for their deaths any longer. And please, do tell me when things are bothering you like this."

"I… Promise I'll try." Sasuke replies though his heart is beating painfully in his chest. Should I tell him about Naruto and me? But what if he disapproves? Or worse, gets disappointed with me? Sasuke thinks as he comes very close to telling his big brother about the love of his life and the things that have happened since he had left. Naruto's name lies at the tip of his tongue, that beloved beautiful name that stands for everything good and bright in his life. "I… I don't keep things from you because I don't trust you, Nii-san… I just don't want to disappoint you… It hurts so, so much to think that I'm disappointing you..." Sasuke swallows hard against the lump in his throat that just doesn't seem to disappear and hearing his brother sigh only makes his heart beat more painfully.

"Sasuke, I told you before. No matter what you do or where you go, I'll always be here for you, I'll always be grateful for having you. If I had to choose between you and our parents I would always and every time choose you without a second thought." Itachi replies kindly. "There is almost nothing you could do that would make me disappointed with you. You are my little brother, and though we are composed to the outside world, here in our own house with just the two of us, we can be human, we can be just two brothers who can be entirely honest with each other. About our strengths as well as our weaknesses. Don't fear my judgement, my foolish little brother. I would never judge you harshly and always have your wellbeing and happiness in mind."

"Thanks, Nii-san." Sasuke answers with a small smile and as he wipes his eyes from any remaining tears, he can't stop the yawn that overcomes him, causing a soft chuckle from Itachi.

"It seems it is morning already…" Itachi observes as the early morning light comes through the curtains. "Any more conversation will have to wait till later today. I think we can both do with a few more hours of sleep, don't you think?" Itachi asks, though the tiredness on Sasuke's face is enough answer already. Can't blame him. Itachi thinks. My nightmare woke him up in the middle of the night and after all that emotion of the conversation that followed it must have left him drained and exhausted. As Sasuke nods Itachi has a hard time suppressing a yawn himself, making him realize that he can't say he's feeling any different than his brother and that he probably looks just as exhausted.

"I hope you'll sleep more soundly. Need anything?" Sasuke asks as he tiredly stands up.

"No, I'll be fine after I've taken some painkillers against the headache. I think I'll sleep better for now. You should get some more hours rest as well." Itachi replies as he takes the half full glass of water and the strap of painkillers.

"Okay then." Sasuke nods and he walks towards the door while Itachi swallows the medicine. Before he leaves though Sasuke turns around and walks back to his brother. Itachi had just put the glass away when he's suddenly hugged by his younger brother. "Thanks, Nii-san." Sasuke says softly.

"Uhn. Thank you too, little brother." Itachi replies with a soft smile as he returns the hug for a short moment before they part and Sasuke smiles shortly at him before he leaves to go back to his own room.

To be continued…

So sorry for the long wait for this update! I had this chapter ready like weeks ago, but I wanted to give you guys a longer one to make up for it so I kept postponing this upload. Sadly I'm dealing with a bit of a writersblock lately so I realized that I'd better upload this now than wait till I do get the inspiration to continue... I feel like I should add Naruto's perspective in it as well right now, but what exactly I still have to figure out... Anyway thanks those of you who still stick with the story! Please let me know cuss every comment gives me more motivation to continue this story! Help me finish it guys, we're past half of it already!