Time to tell

After they got home Naruto instantly took a shower, sternly refusing his parents help with that and telling them that them fussing over him wasn't going to make him feel any better. They understood and reluctantly let him be, telling him they'll talk in the morning. Kushina did make sure he had a clean pyjama, a clean bandage for the wound on his shoulder, painkillers and a sanitary towel in case he was still bleeding from behind.
While he stood under the shower Naruto watches as the blood between his legs mingles with the water as it gets washed away. Another shock of sadness goes through him as again the memory comes back. He was held down and rendered powerless even though he knew what Sai was about to do. Naruto sinks to his knees as another sob shocks his abused body. He remembers those huskily said words, that Sai needed it, as if Naruto didn't matter. Angry with himself that all he can do is cry, making him feel weak, he takes a wash cloth and starts to scrub his arms roughly, making them burn. He remembers how Sai, not Sasuke, had moved his hand over his arm. Naruto had to get rid of that stain that that hand left. He remembers how the man from the club had licked his neck and the words he had spoken. Scrubbing the spot Naruto tries to ignore the tears that mingle with the water. He remembers the hand that went to his groin, stroking it- and he had enjoyed it!- and in anger Naruto smashes the wall nearby. He remembers those sharp hips getting between his thighs, preventing him from closing his legs to prevent the intrusion. His legs burn with how hard he scrubbed them and still the memory doesn't leave. He turns the water hotter than he normally ever would take it while another sob overtakes him. He remembers the weight on his chest as Sai had tried to keep him down with his bodyweight, the unsteady rhythm he had taken echoing in his head and al Naruto can do is try to scrub it all away. Try to erase the touch, the smell, the feeling and the always present pain. It takes washing his body twice like that before he realizes that no matter how hard he scrubs the evil and intruding presence will never leave. I will never feel clean again… Naruto thinks brokenly and he leans with his head against the tiles while he cries for a while.

Eventually he found the strength, from where he did not know, to get out of the shower and carefully dry himself. His skin was bright red from the hot water and all that scrubbing and he hisses when he carefully dries his behind. Seeing the red on the towel he grits his teeth in anger and he throws the towel away before putting on his underwear, using the sanitary towel his mother had laid ready for him. After getting in clean pyjamas, taking the painkiller and disinfecting and bandaging his shoulder wound Naruto slowly makes his way to his bed. He'd probably never been so grateful that the bathroom was adjacent to his bedroom. Taking his mobile from the nightstand he carefully lays down in bed. He sighs shakenly as he tries to lay as still as he can for a moment. His thoughts instantly go to his lover. God how I wish I could hear his voice. Naruto thinks as he bites his lip to prevent it from trembling while he tries to hold the tears at bay. It's the middle of the night so he must be sleeping. Damn I want to hear his voice! As he hears Sai's voice echo through his head again, bringing along that memory, Naruto makes up his mind. Even if it goes through voicemail, I need to hear him! Quickly the blond searches for his boyfriends number and he has soon pressed the phone to his ear.

When Sasuke wakes up his first instinct is that Itachi must have woken him up again with another nightmare and he instantly jumps out of bed to go to him. It takes him a moment though to realize the unnatural light in his room and the buzzing sound that come from his phone. Frowning he reaches for it and instantly recognizes Naruto's number and that it is only around midnight.

"Hello? Naruto?" Sasuke answers and the feeling of dread in his chest increases as it remains silent for a bit.

"Hey. Did I wake you?" Naruto says softly, trying as hard as he can to not let Sasuke know he's been crying. He hadn't really expected for his raven to pick up at this late hour.

"Yeah but It's okay. Is something wrong?" The worried tone causes a lump to form in Naruto's throat.

"No, no I. I'm-" He starts but he chokes on the last word. He can't say it. He can't say that he's fine while everything feels so wrong.

"Naruto what's wrong?" Sasuke asks determined as he knows something is going on, something bad. "Where are you right now? Are you hurt?"

"I… I'm home. …In my room."

"I'm coming to you." No sooner had Sasuke said the words than that he got dressed.

"What? No! Y-You can't." Naruto says but his heart beats painfully as he does so for it's all he could want right now.

"Yes I can. You're calling me in the middle of the night sounding upset. I'm coming to you." Sasuke says determinedly as he puts on his shoes quickly. Naruto might have been upset before, never had the blond called him in the middle of the night before. Not to mention that they were supposed to stay the night at their friends place. He shouldn't be home. Something happened, something bad. Sasuke thinks.

"B-but… My parents…" Naruto tries to protest but Sasuke dismisses the argument quickly.

"You were there for me. I don't care if I have to face them at your doorstep. You need me now right? So I will be there for you too." Naruto can't hold back a quiet sob as he hears the kind words, his heart swelling with love for this person, making him feel like he doesn't deserve him. However quiet the sob was, Sasuke heard it and it makes his heart ache with worry as he silently makes his way downstairs to not wake Itachi. After the broken sleep from the night before he deems Itachi tired enough not to notice him sneaking out though. He hopes his brother will sleep in properly so he can stay with Naruto as long as he needs him.

"You probably shouldn't do that." Naruto manages to say. "Tonight is really not a good night to have that conversation…"

"Does it have something to do with your parents? Did you get into another fight with them?" Sasuke asks carefully while he crosses the deserted streets. His heart breaks at the broken chuckle coming from his boyfriend.

"If only that were the case…" Naruto says and he can't hold back a tear that escapes his eye. The answer worries Sasuke beyond measure, knowing that the last fight with his parents had made Naruto rather suicidal. And what's going on right now with him was worse than that?

"I'm at the park now. Make sure you have your window unlocked. Be there soon, okay?"

"I… yeah. Okay." Naruto manages to reply and he moves to open the window as they end their call.

Sasuke decides to run the rest of the way while all kinds of scenario's go through his head, his mind trying to figure out what could have happened to his lover. He knows the worry borders on panic and he barely keeps his head cool as he rushes through the park. It didn't help that Naruto hadn't replied to his question about whether he was hurt.
At the corner of Naruto's street he stops running and he takes a moment to catch his breath, walking the rest of the way. Silently he makes his way to the garage where he had found he could climb down and now up to Naruto's bedroom. He made sure to be as silent as a cat though so his parents wouldn't hear him even if their bedroom were on this side of the house as well.
Naruto had remained standing and as he hears the sound from the window he turns around to see his boyfriend climbing in. Instantly the tears return to him and they quickly move as one to hold each other in a tight embrace.

"Naru…" Sasuke says softly in relief as he finds Naruto whole and, at first glance at least, unharmed. Only holding his other half in his arms could make his quick beating heart calm down from all that worrying. "A-Are you hurt?" Sasuke asks as he makes a bit of space between them to look him once over in search of injuries properly. He soon spots the bandage on his lovers shoulder and worry returns once more as he brings his hand towards it. When Naruto realizes what Sasuke was looking at he brushes the arm off and takes a step back. "Naruto please, tell me what's going on? What happened?" Sasuke asks. Did he get attacked by an animal or something? Sasuke thinks and as a vampire or werewolf come to his mind he suppresses the shivers he gets from that idea and he quickly discards it. Again he tries to step forward to hold him again but Naruto deliberately turns around.

"It's not so simple." Naruto says softly as he moves to climb on the bed where he carefully lays down, leaving space so Sasuke could join him, hating that his voice sounded so thick, so weak. "I can't just…" He says and stops for again his throat closes up. What if he hates me for it? What if he no longer wants me..? Now that I'm so defiled, so destroyed… Naruto thinks and again the anxiety and hopelessness wash over him. Sasuke made quick work of taking of his shoes before climbing in the bed and both move so they are holding each other tightly.
Naruto starts to sob as he smells his boyfriends scent, the smell he should have missed so much sooner before Sai managed to do what he did. It's like being home. Naruto thinks. This smell means safety. He feels how Sasuke holds him tightly, shushing him and slowly caressing his back. These arms mean security. He hears how his lover softly tells him that he's here, that he wasn't alone. His voice reminds me that it's okay to be me. Everything about him promises happiness. Naruto thinks as he clutches Sasuke tighter. And I'll die if I lose him!

"I- I love you!" Naruto manages to say through his tears, speaking against Sasuke's shoulder. "I want to tell you but.." But I'm so scared that you will hate me when I do!

"I love you Naruto." Sasuke says softly while he feels such pain in his chest at seeing his lover so devastated. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me anything. You know that right?" What on earth could have made him this upset? He wonders silently as he promises revenge on any who had caused his boyfriend to feel like this.
It takes a while for Naruto to calm down. When de sobs have subsided and all tears seem to have been spilled for the time being, they lay calmly together. Sasuke has his right arm under Naruto and a hand in his hair, the other he uses to caress his back and occasionally his arm gently. It's been silent for a while now and Sasuke had decided that he'll wait till Naruto was ready to talk.

"I'm… Scared…" Naruto finally admits.

"Of what?" Sasuke asks equally silent.

"That you might hate me…" Naruto whispers and he shivers when Sasuke kisses his head lovingly.

"That won't happen." He says and Naruto wonders for a moment how it's possible that he sounds still so strong and reliable even when he whispers. "I ran from home in the middle of the night to you because you sounded upset and I knew you needed me. Even though Itachi has been having nightmares and needs me too. I choose you over him." He moves his hand to gently caress Naruto's face, moving so their foreheads touched. "You know I wouldn't do that for anyone right? Most certainly not for someone who I could hate." Sasuke kisses him softly, shortly, before pulling him closer so Naruto can hide his face in the nook of his neck.

"I was at the estate of my parents acquaintances." Naruto starts after he manages to somewhat collect himself again. "There was this guy there… Sai." The face of his rapist instantly comes to mind and he wonders how he could've ever thought he and Sasuke looked alike. "He was also an artist, just came out, seemed to live a very secluded life with his strict and old fashioned grandparents." He swallows before continuing, forcing himself to relive the evening again. "He showed me some of his paintings and he wondered what it was like, you know, to be with another guy. I don't think he had met anyone else who was gay and no-one else would tell him so…" Naruto sighs, regretting that he had struck up that conversation, regretting all the intimate things he had told him then.

"So you told him so he wouldn't get hurt." Sasuke finishes for him and Naruto nods.

"I remembered us." He admits, not really caring about his cheeks heating up. "Our first time, our first time as lovers, all the times we were together, before and after our breakup."

"There is quite a lot to remember then." Sasuke muses, feeling himself completely relax in their safety bubble. He smells the blond hair and notices absentmindedly how it's still a bit damp which makes him wonder for a bit why anyone would take a shower in the middle of the night. Naruto chuckled softly on his boyfriends comment and as he feels how Sasuke inhales his scent he can feel the butterflies in his belly.

"Yeah… I think I lost myself in those memories for a bit as I told him how to follow the steps for preparation accurately. I hadn't even noticed yet how turned on I had gotten until he touched me." Sasuke frowns at that and he has to force himself to continue stroking Naruto's back so he wouldn't feel his unease. The thought of cheating quickly crossed his mind but he dismisses it as fast as it had come. Naruto wasn't that type. Even if he slipped up, Sasuke didn't think he'd hate him for it. He'd be hurt of course, and angry, but he could never hate the person he was holding on to. The person who had promised to become his lifeline and had actually succeeded in that. "I quickly moved away. He… He apologized but after I had looked away for a bit I found him on his knees in front of me. Bet you can guess what he was willing to do for me…" Naruto says annoyed.

"Blow you I bet. Even though he hardly knew you?" Sasuke says and musses as an afterthought; "Must have been one desperate guy…"

"Ghah. Yeah." Naruto replies. You have no idea! "I told him I didn't want him to and that I already had a boyfriend." Sasuke can't help but to feel proud that Naruto would tell another guy off with the declaration that he was together with him. He holds Naruto a bit tighter for a moment to let him know of his approval and he feels how the blond manages to smile a little at that before he continues. "He said that he had thought me single for he had heard my parents say that he was perhaps good 'boyfriend material'. Honestly who the fuck do they think they are deciding for me who would be a good boyfriend for me?! They made me breakup with you! They wouldn't know 'good boyfriend material' if it were staring them in their face…" Naruto grumbles angrily as he feels the frustration towards them return. He hadn't yet confronted them about that, feeling to overwhelmed by everything else, but he most certainly knows they will have that conversation eventually.

"Are you sure they had said that? Couldn't he have been lying just to have an excuse for his actions?" Sasuke asks carefully. Things were just going well between you and your parents. It would be a shame if some random stranger manages to ruin all that… Sasuke thinks as he hopes that the rift between Naruto and his parents hasn't widened up to much again.

"No I know they did." Naruto lets him know without wavering. "Of course they'd think like that right? A secluded guy, just came out, knows nothing of gay sex and has no experience. They'd think me completely in control of a relationship like that." Naruto can't help but spit the words like it were venom and he has a hard time keeping his anger under control, unconsciously gripping Sasuke's back tightly. Noticing this Sasuke decided to steer the conversation in a different direction for the time being.

"He stopped though, right? He backed off?"

"Yeah… I guess…" Naruto sighs and he decides to have the ranting about his parents some other time. "I turned to my room and got ready for bed. I was just… So angry, disappointed. I thought… I thought the weekend was supposed to be for us. So we could bond some more and get closer again…" He lets out a trembling breath and Sasuke shows his support by moving his hand through his hair. "That was when I texted you… I'm really glad you texted me back before I fell asleep. …I really needed that."

"If you were really that down about it you could have called me you know?" Sasuke says and kisses Naruto's head again.

"I know." Naruto sighs contently. "But then you would've had to travel quite a bit to come to me. And I know now that you would've been crazy enough to do it." They both smile softly at that. "Besides," Naruto continues, "There was a big chance that you were with your brother. From what you told me he's quite perceptive so if you'd walk away to talk to someone else, after all you two have been through…"

"Hn. Guess that's a fair point." Sasuke concedes. He can already hear the pestering questions in his head that his brother would have asked. He would've kept annoying Sasuke with them till he gave them up.

"I dreamt about you after that." Naruto continues and instantly gained Sasuke's attention back to the conversation at hand.

"Did you? And what was I doing in that dream?" Naruto can hear the smirk in his lovers voice and he kisses his neck shortly before answering him, feeling delighted at the shiver that goes through Sasuke's body.

"We were in Sai's painting… And after we started kissing we were in your bedroom. You had these amazing black angel wings. Much like the poster there." Naruto waves with his hand over his shoulder and Sasuke doesn't need the light to be on to know the image. He had seen, and admittedly wondered about, that before. "I always thought it looked a lot like you. …It's not the first time I dreamt of you having those wings either…" Naruto admits and for a moment he wonders why he told him that, feeling rather embarrassed about it. His heart skips a beat though when he hears his lovers low voice, filled with amusement.

"I'd love to hear more about that some time…" It was obvious where this conversation was heading at this rate, the sexual undertone unmistakeably there, but Naruto didn't care. He knew the hardest part of their conversation had yet to come, but right now he needed to indulge himself in this moment. He reached up and created just enough space between them to guide Sasuke's lips to his. Sasuke reciprocates the kiss, gently kissing his lover back without deepening it. It's not really clear who opened their mouth first, as if they thought the same thing at the same time, but soon their tongues have found each other. Sasuke pulls Naruto closer and Naruto can't help but moan as he feels how his lovers tongue enters his mouth, searching, discovering every surface it can reach. Naruto feels himself drowning in that taste, the motions of that familiar dance, as if Sasuke draws him in. He doesn't want to feel, want to remember, anything but this. Nothing else but Sasuke's body pressed to his and this intimate act of deeply, desperately kissing each other matters. It is when he feels Sasuke's hand going lower and lower that Naruto manages to break away from the heat and desire, stopping his arm with his own.

"I… I'm sorry I…" Naruto starts, leaning with his head against Sasuke's shoulder again as both of them catch their breath.

"Hmmm. 's okay. Was my bad." Sasuke replies as he snuggles Naruto's hair, moving his arm back to its former position. Naruto smiles softly at the lazy reply, knowing that the raven would have very much enjoyed it if they had continued, if the pressure against his own groin was anything to go on. "Go on. What happened after that?"

"I…" Naruto starts and though he wishes to continue the memory seems to just paralyze him. He swallows hard, takes a shaky breath and orders himself to remember, to tell the story, to keep distance. As if it had happened to someone else. "I… I wanted you…" He whispers, thinking that that was all he had wanted. It was that desire that leaded to what happened next. Does that mean he was partly to blame for it? Had he been asking for it? "I kissed you and got my shorts off. It was when you got between my legs that I realized it wasn't you… A-And that I wasn't dreaming anymore-" Naruto manages to say, the memory returning and as he says the words a new emotion lets itself known. Shame.

No. Sasuke thinks, his mind crashing as it barely manages to comprehend what Naruto was telling him.

"I… I swear I didn't know! I tried to fight him, I really, really tried!" Naruto says desperately, hoping Sasuke could forgive him somehow. "B-but he held me down and I couldn't-"

"N-no. No, no, no, no, no… Please, fuck no…" Sasuke manages to say the mantra as he pulls his lover close when realization hits him. He got raped. He realized. My Naruto got raped. And I wasn't there to protect him. This son of a bitch forced himself on my Naru! He touched my Naru! Hurt my Naruto?! Who the fuck does he think he is?! Sasuke's breath has quickened and he just barely manages to notice through the red that he wishes to break anything he could get his hands on. Realizing that It was Naruto whom he had in those hands right now he quickly moves away to sit on the edge of the bed where he grabs hold of the edge of the matrass, shoulders tight with barely contained rage.

"S-Sasuke…" Naruto had said when his lover moved away so briskly. I knew it… Naruto thinks as tears sting in his eyes and he sniffs when he feels such pain in his chest. I knew he'd be disgusted with me. That he'd be angry with me… I kissed the bastard back! I got naked for him! I practically, willingly spread my legs for him! Naruto takes shaky breaths as he leans forward, leaning with his head against his boyfriends shoulder. "I'm sorry…" He manages to say as he starts to sob. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Don't you dare fucking apologize!" Sasuke manages to say between gritted teeth and he half turns to Naruto, placing a hand on his cheek to make him look at him. "You didn't do anything wrong!"

"T-Then why did you move away?" Naruto asks desperately, not understanding. Sasuke realizes what him moving away had meant to Naruto. When he speaks he has managed to calm down a little, thinking of the person in front of him, whom he loves so much, instead of the person he hates beyond words and who is completely out of reach.

"Because I'm livid at him. I can barely hold back how god damn angry I am at the bastard who managed to do that to you. And I don't want to hurt you."

"But I want you too!" Naruto proclaims, missing the warmth, the safety that Sasuke's body close to his could bring. "I need you to hold me. Hurt me, touch me, I don't care as long as I don't feel him anymore!" Sasuke moves before Naruto finished the last line to hold him as close as possible while shushing him. He hopes that Naruto's shout hasn't awakened his parents.

"I-I won't hurt you." Sasuke says with a lump in his throat and his eyes start to water.

"Please. I want you too. Hurt me, bruise me. Any pain is better than feeling the pain he has caused me! Please-please..!" Naruto begs as he had sat down and could instantly feel the pain from his behind again. He clutches Sasuke close, biting his neck and fisting the back of his shirt while pulling him closer.

"Naruto… Naru-!" Sasuke says and as his voice breaks on that name that means everything to him, he can't hold back the tears. He's mine… He's supposed to belong only to me. This person, this amazing being that is too good for anyone really, got so hurt by someone so low and unworthy! …Traumatized… He still feels it! He remembers it! And he'll probably have nightmares about! It will make him relive it all over again and again! And there is nothing, nothing I can do about it! I can't erase it! I can't take the pain away! For all I have ever been good at is causing it! He doesn't deserve it, he just doesn't deserve any of this! Sasuke thinks as his body started to shake, tears falling freely down his face while he holds Naruto tightly.

"S-Sasu. Sasuke." Naruto says as he notices how upset his boyfriend has become. When Sasuke doesn't react though he makes some space and he notices the erratic, unnaturally quick breathing. "Sasuke!" He places a hand on the others cheek, trying to make him look at him. It breaks his heart to see his counterpart so devastated. "Sasuke, please, talk to me." He says as he tries to calm down.

"It's just not f-fair!" Sasuke proclaims between his sobs. "I hate it. I hate the idea of someone else touching you. Of someone hurting you like that! I hate him! I fucking w-want to kill that sick bastard!"

"Sasuke…" Naruto pull him close until their foreheads are touching.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there… I'm so sorry I couldn't save you from this-!" Sasuke feels guilt added to the turmoil inside his mind as he realizes that he must have been sleeping soundly while his lover went through this horrible experience.

"It's not your fault." Naruto says calmly while Sasuke moves so he leans with his forehead on Naruto's injured shoulder, which he apparently doesn't seem to notice, while he tries to catch his breath after the heavy emotional outburst. Naruto welcomes the pain for once for it was better to focus on that injury than on the one below. They sit like that for a while, Naruto now being the one who moves his hands over his boyfriends back while the raven struggles to compose himself.

"I love you." Sasuke whispers before moving up, kissing Naruto tenderly before he can answer. "I love you so much." And Naruto believes every word. How could he not? This person who leaves his home, his injured and traumatized brother, in the middle of the night and who cries for the bad experience he had had, how could Naruto ever think that Sasuke wouldn't love him anymore? He doesn't reply his words but kisses his raven back, deeply.

"I never thought you'd be more upset than me when I'd tell you what happened to me." Naruto says with a soft smile while he lays down again, moving so no pressure was on his behind anymore.

"Uhn… Me neither." Sasuke answers as he lies down as well, pressing their bodies close on which Naruto moves to press his face against his lovers neck again. Sasuke pulls the blanket up to cover them both before he holds Naruto protectively.

"It's not like I didn't get saved you know…" Naruto says as he keeps caressing Sasuke's back with his thumb, noticing how the raven is still shaken up a bit. "My dad came barging in because of my screaming. He pulled Sai away and hit him in his face so he fell to the ground."

"Good."

"Yeah." Naruto replies and smiles shortly hearing that instant reaction. His mood changes though as he reviews the previous events of the night. "I… Sasuke I swear I have never been so angry in my life. Before my dad could do anything else I had grabbed a glass from the nightstand and thrown it in Sai's face."

"Did it break?"

"Yes."

"Did it make his face a bloody mess?"

"Definitely."

"Good. Very good."

"I also kicked him in his balls. Hard."

"Nice. I'm proud of you."

"Coming from a former sadist I take that as very high praise indeed."

They both smirk at that and Sasuke leans down to kiss his lover again. I don't deserve him. I never could, no one could really. He's brilliant, absolutely fantastic and just so, so strong! Stronger than I have ever been… Compared to him I break down so easily. I lose myself and get others around me hurt in the process. He doesn't need me to safe him; he'll get back up on his own. It's me who needs him… Sasuke thinks sadly and yet he's overcome with such a strong feeling of pride.

"I'm not too sure about the 'former' part of that sentence." Sasuke says as a reply to Naruto's last sentence. "With all the sadistic thoughts that go through my mind right now of what I'd wanna do to that son of a bitch I swear I'd be able to blow the devils mind."

"Tell me about it. Maybe we can compare ideas and see who can make them worse." Naruto replies with a challenge in his eyes.

"I thought I was the sadistic one between the two of us."

"What can I say? You're rubbing of on me. I mean, what did you expect, with the way that you can rub me sometimes?" If he weren't afraid of the pain again Naruto would have rubbed his hips against his lover's so instead he moves his hand suggestively over Sasuke's side and lets it rest on his hip.

"Ghn." Sasuke smirks. "I would love to indulge you but we both know that it's very late already. You must be exhausted and I will have to leave early so your parents won't catch us this time."

"Trust me Sasuke I had no intention of actually having sex with you tonight."

"Oh Naruto, there are many ways to make you come without me entering you or even touching your behind." Sasuke replies with a smirk and a chaste kiss. "That's not what I meant though. I'd love to share our sadistic imaginings on how to make the bastard pay. But like I said-"

"Sasuke." Naruto interrupts him all serious. "I don't want to sleep. I… know it's a lot to ask but… Please help me stay awake through the night." It remains silent for a little bit as the two look at each other, one determined and the other in consideration.

"Alright." Sasuke whispers. You're afraid of the nightmares aren't you? He thinks as he moves to hold Naruto closer and whom instantly returns the tighter hug. It's something I can understand better than most. Seems this night is gonna be another broken one and tomorrow will be a hell. Keeping my tiredness a secret from Itachi without worrying him is going to be one hell of a job… But I'll do it. For you my love, I'll do anything… Sasuke kisses Naruto's head protectively and silently promises once more that he will do anything in his power to make his lover as happy as he can be.

To be continued…

There you have it, a long chapter. Truth is that the night is still young for our two lovers and their conversation is yet far from over. Taken how long this chapter was getting though I had to split it up, though I have yet the other half to write.
Don't forget to comment so I'll be more motivated to write this story and thus update faster!