Suffer through it

When Sasuke enters his room Naruto has turned his back on him, seemingly asleep. Deciding to let his love rest he sits down at his desk and attempts to finish the essay for tomorrow. He manages to concentrate for about an hour before the words start swimming before his eyes and he can no longer register what they mean. With a sigh he closes his laptop quietly and stretches before looking at the blond sleeping in his bed. He walks around it and carefully slips into the spot beside him so they face each other. Naruto indeed seems to be asleep but as Sasuke observes him for a while he notices the slight traces of tears and his heart skips a beat painfully. He doesn't dare reach out for fear of waking him and he closes his eyes tightly as he wishes once more that he could take his lovers pain away. It doesn't take long before he too has fallen asleep.

When Sasuke wakes up he finds Naruto has turned his back to him again and he frowns for a moment at that, feeling slightly hurt at the distance it creates. He shrugs it off though and as he looks at the clock he finds it near afternoon, meaning he won't have much time left to finish his essay. He sighs quietly and his muscles complain as he slinks out of the bed again to once more get to work.
About a couple hours later he hears a loud growl and it takes him a moment to realize it was his own stomach. His concentration was at pretty much its lowest point and he had a headache for a while now that seems to only get worse. Having skipped lunch was probably not the best idea and as he looks at Naruto he starts to worry as the blond seems to have been sleeping all this time and had no lunch either. Quietly he walks over to him and kneels beside the bed before gently stroking his hand through those blond locks.

"Naruto?" He keeps his voice gentle.

"Hnm…" Naruto makes a sound after a while, but doesn't open his eyes or move much.

"You've been sleeping for quite a while now, love." He keeps caressing his hand through his hair as he watches Naruto come back to reality and opens his eyes blearily.

"Sasu…" He mumbles tiredly as he closes his eyes while placing a hand over his lovers and he nuzzles into it.

"I'm sure dinner will be ready soon. You must be hungry." Naruto takes a deep breath, holds it and he stays quiet for a while before answering.

"Not hungry." He says and lets go of Sasuke's hand, pointedly making it clear he was not ready yet to get up and deemed this conversation finished. Sasuke sighs and not wanting to push the matter he stands up.

"I'm gonna get downstairs and eat with Itachi. You can join us when you feel ready, or I'll take some upstairs with me after we're done so you can rest a bit longer. Okay?" Naruto mumbles his acquiescence and Sasuke leans down shortly to kiss his boyfriends head, upon which it seems Naruto turns away from him. He frowns, but deeming his idiot to still be half asleep, he shoves it out of his mind as he heads to the door.

After dinner with his brother Sasuke returns to his room with a tray with a bowl of soup, a glass of milk and some painkillers. Naruto curls in on himself some more while Sasuke puts the tray on his nightstand, carefully removing some items that were there to make room for it.

"Naruto?" Sasuke asks the blond whom lies with his back towards him, again. He reaches out with his hand to lay it on Naruto's shoulder and he notices how he instantly tenses at the contact. "Hey, it's me. You're save. Everything is okay." Sasuke tries to be as gentle and reassuring as possible, though doubt settles in. "Right?" He asks therefor quietly, the nagging feeling that he had been shrugging of lately returning with a vengeance.
Naruto sighs deeply and turns to look over his shoulder at the raven with a weary expression that makes Sasuke frown for a moment before scolding his face back into a reassuring, if not questioning smile.

"There are those beautiful blue eyes I've missed." The tender smile and love filled eyes that come along with the praise showed nothing of mockery or flirtatious intent. It was just meant as a statement, a truth, and an honest showing of affection.

"Ghmm." Naruto groans as he hides his face again for a moment. It wasn't fair, really. That smile, those eyes and those words. Nobody should combine things like that for Naruto could swear they can shake the whole world to its core. The worst part of all being that he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve that affection, such devotion, the raw display of love.

"You should eat something." Sasuke says as he carefully takes the bowl with soup.

"Dwm whnw whnhn." Comes the sound from the blanket hill.

"Ehr, didn't catch that?" Sasuke frowns and Naruto petulantly but resolutely turns around.

"I said I don't want any." He clarifies as he keeps laying on his side, staring daggers at the bowl in Sasuke's hands.

"Naruto you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry." The blond growls, but of course it is just then that his stomach decides to growl back in response, loud enough for Sasuke to hear. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if even Itachi was able to hear it all the way downstairs. He grumbles in frustration as he hides his face in the pillow and Sasuke can't help a soft chuckle as he puts the bowl on the nightstand again.

"You need to keep your strength up, love." Gently he strokes those blond locks. "I promise my brother makes some of the most delicious soup, you just need to try-"

"I said I didn't want any!" Naruto snaps and he roughly swats Sasuke's hand away. "I don't want. To eat. Anything!" He glares at the raven as he leans on his arm, propping his upper body up a bit.

"But… Why?" Sasuke asks wide-eyed, confusion all over his face. There was once a time Naruto would have given anything to see that expression, such vulnerability so clearly. It only angers him more now.

"Because, Sasuke, what goes in also has to come out." Even as his face reddens he keeps glaring at the raven until he couldn't bear it anymore and he decisively glares at the bowl again.

"I… Y-you mean, uh, having to-"

"To poop, yes. To take a shit and feeling even more pain, a-and, and-" Tears well up in blue eyes. It was humiliating, having to admit that he was afraid of having to take a dump. He already regretted eating as much as he had the evening before the rape. The idea of adding more to what was already there, what he could feel already pressing, it would make it near impossible to hold it in. To hold out until his hole was at least somewhat more healed. And what if, even after the pain, he only opened the wound further again? What if it got dirty -and let's be honest how could it not- and it would get infected because of that? It would make the pain last, hell it could probably even kill him. How pathetic, dying from an infected arsehole because some sick bastard couldn't bother to stretch him open properly before shoving his dry dick inside.

"Naru…" Naruto hadn't even noticed he'd started crying until Sasuke caressed his hair again and kissed his temple.

"J-just stop. I don't want this… I-I don't want this…" Naruto wallows with his face turned away from the other as much as he could. I don't deserve this kindness from you…

"Shh, I know. I know… But it is just vegetable soup. Even if you mainly drink the fluids it will give you some strength."

"You don't get it." Naruto sniffs. "It would only add more pressure to what's already there…" He whispers and Sasuke seems to understand suddenly. His kisses his temple gently and continues to lean half over him while he remains seated at the edge of the bed.

"How long have you been holding it in?" He asks softly.

"Not long…" Naruto whispers back. "But I'm afraid that adding more would… You know."

"Hnhm." Sasuke remains silent for a bit. "Even so, Naru. Holding it in might just make it worse when the time comes to, eh, get it out. Getting constipated isn't the solution I think…"

"But i-it will hurt… and I'll have to clean it p-properly which will hurt even more…" Just the thought of having to rub something between his ass cheeks makes him shiver with trepidation.

"Do you… Want me to be there?" Sasuke asks and it makes Naruto snap his eyes open before he pushes him away so they can look at each other.

"And do what, Sasuke? Hold my hand while I take a shit? Let you clean my ass like I'm some invalid or mental person?" As if just talking about this wasn't already humiliating enough.

"If need be, yes I would! If I can ease your pain in any way, Naru, I wouldn't hesitate to do so. You just have to say the word."

"But that's not fair!" Naruto shouts at him while swaying his arm between them, forcing Sasuke to make some more distance between them. I don't want you to ease my pain. I wish you would inflict it…

"Naru what-"

"I don't want you to see me like that! I don't want anyone to see me like that!" I can't ask you to do something so selfless for a cheater like me. Why would you have to suffer through the consequences of my mistake? I'm the one to blame. "I have to deal with this myself." Naruto says determined, still avoiding those worried, dark eyes.

"At least let me help you clean up after. There is a shower we can use for that, probably better than using toilet paper..." Naruto groans.

"Sasuke I don't want you to- to, you know…" The thought of Sasuke smelling the aftermath of his hard work was just as much the issue here, wasn't it.

"You can use the air freshener for that, I could hold my breath, hell I'll even wear a mouth mask filled with lavender if you want me to! But let me help you. I want your ass to get back in tip top shape as much as you do, remember? The best way to do that is to get it gently cleaned up with warm water and a mild spray and since you can't exactly see your own entrance, as you mentioned before, I'm your best bet." Sasuke stubbornly crosses his arms in front of his chest, determinately ignoring the heat of his face.

"Sasukeeeh…." Naruto groans into the pillow, he knew further resistance was futile. "There is no changing your mind is there?" He asks tiredly as he looks with one eye at Sasuke, the bastard smirking in victory for a moment.

"Im not going to let you go through this all alone. I promised we would get through this together and I intend to keep that promise." The warmth of his smile makes Naruto's heart ache for him.

"Fine…" The blond sighs in defeat. "But only on one condition." He mumbles before looking at his boyfriend sideways.

"Which is?"

"You will let me blow you." Naruto can barely constrain the triumphant smile that threatens to break through at seeing Sasuke's shocked face. Apparently he hadn't expected those words.

"Eh. S-sure! Of course." Sasuke stumbles, cheeks red and Naruto could swear he saw desire in those eyes for just a moment. "Will you eat something now? I've also brought some painkillers. I figured, maybe after dinner we could take care of business, uhm, if you feel you can that is…"

"Yeah…" Naruto sighs with trepidation before leaning up some more and searches for a position that would allow him to eat without feeling the pain from his behind. "Painkillers first though. Hopefully they will work by then…" Sasuke nods and helps him get everything he needs and then switches the subject to movies or series they could watch sometime. He wouldn't have minded feeding the blond but understands that his lover wishes to stay as independent as he could be.

After Naruto finished up they talk for a little bit longer and as he feels he's starting to dose off Naruto mentions that it's best to do what they had discussed before. Sasuke walks along with him to the bathroom door.

"I'll be right here if you need me." He says, opening the door and Naruto frowns at him for a moment.

"You don't need to wait right outside the door you know… It might take a while…" He mumbles and he stares at the ground until Sasuke lifts his chin and he carefully kisses his lips shortly.

"I know it feels strange and normally I wouldn't want anyone waiting in front of the door either, but it is just me Naru. And these aren't normal circumstances. I'll grab us some clothes and perhaps one of the books for class, so take as much time as you need. I'll be right here when you're done." He kisses his boyfriend again and Naruto can't help but pull him close for a moment, wanting to savour that feeling, that taste. Gods, what did he do to deserve this awesome person as his life partner…

After Naruto has locked the door behind him Sasuke returns to his room to get some clean clothes for them both and he glances at his homework for a moment. The aversion he feels prevents him from taking even one step in the direction of those gruellingly boring torture devices. His eyes wander around his room, as if he couldn't even bare looking at those school supplies, before settling on his sketchbook. He shrugs and picks it up along with his pencil case and walks back to the bathroom door where he sits down in front of it.

He can't find the motivation to pick up a pencil or to even open his sketchbook though as he tries not to listen to what is going on on the other side of that door. He couldn't imagine how Naruto must feel. The pain must be horrible and made even worse by the memories of how it had happened. How that fucking bastard had raped him. Would he be reliving it right now? Would reopening that wound -literally!- really be worth it? Sasuke sighs in frustration as he leans with the back of his head against the door, looking up at the ceiling. He had no idea how to handle this situation. How such an injury, mental or physical, should be healed. He wished he knew more about psychology or biology and healing. Was that sobbing he could hear? Sasuke closes his eyes tightly as he hears a barely constrained whimper from inside and his heart aches knowing he can't do anything to make things easier for his lover whom fights his battle all alone.

"Sasuke?" Sasuke snaps his eyes open as he sees Itachi standing in front of his bedroom door. "Everything okay?"

"Hm." Sasuke nods but he then shakes his head, indicating Itachi should ask no further. His brother seems to not need any elaboration though as he nods.

"Has he eaten at least?" Sasuke had mentioned over dinner that Naruto had been sleeping all day and that it had slightly started to worry him.

"Yeah." Sasuke answers softly.

"Can I take the dishes from your room then?" Sasuke nods and Itachi goes inside to get the tray and when he leaves again he says; "I shall leave you be then."

"Thank you." Sasuke mouths without a sound and Itachi smiles sympathetically for a short moment before turning away to go back downstairs again.

Ten minutes pass during which Sasuke listens to the quiet sobs, groans and whimpers that come from the other side of the door he sits against. Ten minutes turn into twenty. It seems to be silent now and Sasuke's mind wanders again and again to what it is that he can do. Feelings of anger for the one who did this to his boyfriend, to feeling helpless, despair and sadness but also the feeling of pride in knowing that Naruto is strong enough to get through this. It has been about half an hour before Sasuke can hear the toilet flushing, then the sound of air refresher being sprayed, water running from the sink, air freshener again and then it's silent for a bit. Honestly Sasuke thinks Naruto acts a bit to prude about the smell. They are together now, granted it hasn't been that long since they got back together, but he had every intention of spending the rest of their lives together. It would be inevitable to end up smelling the aftermath of taking a shit if they end up living together. Same goes for farts or burps or sweat or whatever other unclean, not pretty sides every human has. But that's the thing about love. You end up accepting that from each other and witnessing the less pretty sides of one another wouldn't make one love the other any less. When he hears the shower running he stands up, fearing Naruto might choose to do the clean-up himself after all and keeping the door locked.

"Wait for ten seconds?" Naruto's hoarse voice sounds from the other side of the door and Sasuke releases a breath from relief.

"Okay." He answers softly and the door unlocks. After ten seconds he enters the bathroom and finds the blond is already in the shower. He locks the door behind him, puts the clean clothes away and undresses to join his lover in the shower. Naruto doesn't look at him but Sasuke can see the red rimmed eyes and he can't help himself as he moves forward to kiss him softly. They lean with their foreheads against each other for a moment, preparing themselves mentally for what needs to be done. Naruto takes strength from Sasuke's gentleness. It's clear he doesn't see it as a task that they need to get over with as quickly as possible like some disgusting chore. It's reassuring and makes him want to cry for such tender and unconditional love. Sasuke kisses his forehead then.

"Ready?" He asks and Naruto nods before turning around and bending over while Sasuke takes the showerhead of which he adjusts the spray to a gentle stream that would clean without hurting him too much.

Naruto closes his eyes tightly as he leans with his forehead against his arms that lean against the wall. He doesn't try to think about what Sasuke is doing, deciding to trust his boyfriend implicitly.
It's hard to believe that it has barely been a week since we got back together. It's not fair… It's not fair! He shouldn't be doing this! Things were so good between us, after everything we've been through I finally got to be with him. But now… I really don't deserve him! Naruto grits his teeth as he remembers how good it used to feel to be with his love. How Sai ruined it all. Again he remembers kissing his rapist, pushing his ass against his erection, moaning for him and spreading his legs for him. I practically begged him to take me! And yet here Sasuke is cleaning my ass instead of dirtying it with his own cum. How could I have been so stupid! The memory of Sai sliding his tongue against his own makes his chest ache. I should have realized it then that it wasn't Sasuke! I should have noticed sooner that the sounds or the lack thereof weren't right! He remembers the hips that moved between his thighs, their members crushing together and how he had moaned in delight. I moaned for him! Stimulated him to keep going! Welcomed him between my legs like some fucking slut! He remembers the realisation of it not being Sasuke, of trying to push Sai away, trying to make him stop. I should have fought harder, why couldn't I have been stronger! He grits his teeth as the tears stream down his face, sobs shocking his body.

"Naru…" Sounds Sasuke's gentle voice as he embraces him. Naruto had barely noticed how Sasuke finished cleaning him, the showerhead hanging above their heads and coaching them in delightfully warm water. Naruto let's himself fall more against Sasuke, seeking more contact, more closeness and reassurance. "I love you, Naruto. I love you so much…" Sasuke whispers in his ear and Naruto can't take it anymore as no words would do his feelings justice. So he just leans in and crashes their mouths together. He pulls his boyfriend close, wrapping his arms around his neck tightly while pressing their bodies tightly against each other.
Sasuke moans as he feels Naruto's tongue enter his mouth as well as their dicks being squeezed together. Fuck how much he loved feeling his lover close, how he loved that tongue so eagerly sliding against his own, making so readily way for him to map out his mouth next. How he loved the sounds his boyfriend made, the soft moans and light gasps. He has to restrain himself from letting his hands wander to those amazing ass cheeks, opting instead to keep them at the small of his soulmate's back. They need to breathe however and as soon as their lips part Sasuke groans as Naruto attacks his neck instead, kissing, licking and even biting. Sasuke feels how Naruto pushes him back against the wall as he trails wet kiss after wet kiss up towards his ear, all while moving his hips closer against his own where he rocks their dicks against each other slightly. Sasuke closes his eyes as he leans with the back of his head against the wall, feeling Naruto's hands slide from his neck, over his chest, his nipples, his lower abdomen, lower and lower all while his mouth moves up to his ear where he teasingly sucks at his earlobe for a bit.

"I want to make you feel good." Naruto whispers with as low a voice as he can muster, which after all the crying he's been doing wasn't that hard and even made it sound more husky and hoarse than normal. He smiles as he feels Sasuke shudder, seeing it as a sign of success.

"Naruto…" Sasuke's voice oozes with desire and when Naruto looks up to him as he kisses his boyfriends chest he finds dark, hungry eyes looking back at him. He continues to kiss him, lower and lower and lower until he's on his knees and Sasuke's big, hard erection is right in front of his face. Eagerly he puts his fist around the base and he gently starts to kiss the side of the shaft all over. Naruto can hear Sasuke's breathing getting heavier and even hitch as he places a wet kiss on the tip of his dick. Sasuke's hand gently moves through his blond locks in an undemanding way, patiently caressing him, admiring him. It's not what Naruto want but he lets it be for now. Soon enough he hopes to make Sasuke lose all sense of restraint. They look at each other with hungry eyes as Naruto opens his mouth, shoves the foreskin back a bit and fully takes the head of Sasuke's big cock into his mouth.

"Fuck…" Sasuke hisses but his eyes never left Naruto's as he watches how his dick slowly starts to disappear between those gorgeous lips, the heat nearly overwhelming. "Shit, you're so beautiful." He breathes and Naruto smiles around his mouthful before moving back a bit and sliding way further, taking Sasuke in deeper. The water from the shower made it a lot easier to do so and his heart skips a beat in triumph as he hears Sasuke gasp and the dick in his mouth twitches with joy. It was long overdue to get some attention of the blond. Naruto leans back a bit one more time before swallowing the entirety of Sasuke's cock, pushing his nose deep into that dark pubic hair. He prides himself in still being able to take all of his boyfriends big dick down his throat even though it has been a while since he has done so.
Sasuke groans and closes his eyes as he feels Naruto's hot mouth entirely around him. Throwing his head back against the wall, his fingers twitching as he has a hard time restraining himself. Fuck how I wish I could just fist his hair in my hands and face fuck him… The raven thinks as he takes deep breath after deep breath to steel his composure and keep himself away from the edge for a while longer. He really didn't want this to end yet. And yet it's been so long and the last two, three times he's been denying himself that release he now craves for so badly. Shit, I hope I can hold out.. He feels so good and I just- I just want to coach that delicious mouth of his in white- Ghn! Sasuke takes another deep breath and just as he thinks he's found control again does Naruto start to hum around his cock, scraping his teeth lightly over the tender skin as he moves back again. With a plop the blond releases the head of the hard cock he had so eagerly been pushing down his throat. Blue and onyx eyes find each other again as Naruto erotically licks the member in front of him, from bottom of the shaft to the top where he gives it short licks like it's a lollypop.

"Naru…" Sasuke nearly pleads as his other hand holds the other side of Naruto's head now as well and just as gently as the first. Naruto keeps licking him, sucking him a bit at the top or only taking the head of his dick in his mouth. It drives Sasuke mad, he wants to push his cock down that hot cavern again, watch how Naruto swallows most if not all of him again, find a rhythm that can speed up the closer he gets to release. But all this teaser does is stay at the tip and keeping it shallow. It's starting to frustrate him. And well does the blond know it. "I need more, Naruto. Will you just…"

"Since when do you ask permission, Sasuke?" Naruto asks teasingly though he regrets his poor choice of words as he sees hurt flash between the lust. "I told you I want you to feel good, my love." He kisses the shaft in front of him again before placing his hand over one of boyfriends, nuzzling his head against it and kissing it tenderly. "But how can you if you keep holding back? For fear of hurting me…" He kisses the tip of Sasuke's cock again and smiles as it jumps in excitement. "I know you." He says and looks at those stormy eyes that hold so much emotion. "I like it when you get rough with me. When I can make you lose control. So please, Sasuke," And again he places a deeper wet kiss on the cock in front of him. "Fuck my mouth like there is no tomorrow."

"Oh fuck, Naruto." Sasuke breaths as he feels his dick starting to disappear inside that heat again. But before he loses control and gives in to desire entirely he steps back and leans down on one knee before pulling his boyfriends face close and crashing their lips together. Naruto moans as Sasuke almost forcefully shoves his tongue in his mouth and kisses him deeply with so much lust and desire Naruto feels like he could drown in that shared saliva. When they part again Sasuke notices the redness of his lovers rough kissed lips and only the word perfect comes to his mind. "As you wish, my beloved. Fuck, Naru, I love you so much!" Naruto smiles and before he can answer Sasuke is kissing him passionately again in such an intoxicating way. "Just promise me one thing." The raven says with a husky breath after their lips part again and Naruto looks at him expectantly. "Don't look away from me." And Naruto smiles for that is exactly what he had wanted. So his mind wouldn't wander, so those love filled eyes would ever only be looking at him. He nods eagerly and before Sasuke stands up again they reach for each other in unison as they kiss roughly and passionately again.

As soon as Sasuke stands up again Naruto is working his dick down his throat and Sasuke's hands have soon found those blond locks again. He still refuses to give in outright but starts to slowly build up to that unrestrained indulgence of his desire. He holds Naruto's head still as he starts to slowly thrust his hips back and forth. He watches those blue eyes and red kissed lips as he inch by inch thrusts his cock deeper into that sweet hotness. Naruto's eyes are half lidded with desire and filled with love and Sasuke feels like he's the luckiest being on the planet to have such an amazing boyfriend. As Naruto starts to hum, the trembling of his vocal cords rumbling against his throbbing dick, Sasuke starts to speed up. Naruto loves it, loves the feel of his mouth being filled, of the weight on his tongue and even the numbing pressure against the sides of his throat as Sasuke's dick thrusts deeper and deeper and slowly with more speed. Vaguely he registers that he's fairly sure that Sasuke's cock is bigger than that of Sai. As soon as he registers the thought and he feels his own member shrinking away of it, he decides to focus more intently on those lust filled eyes that only seem to see him. He hums again, slightly scraping his teeth over the pulsing skin between his lips and Sasuke groans more loudly as he starts to really speed up.

"Fuck, Naruto. Oh my- Damn it you're so good!" Sasuke moans as he plunges his cock as deep as he can down his lover's throat. "You're so p-perfect. So, so hot- Ghah-! I love you so much… S-so freaking much!" As Naruto smiles around his dick Sasuke throws all caution to the wind and instead of as deep as possible and slow he just goes for fast now, thrusting his hips back and forth while even pulling the blonds head closer in the same rhythm. His words become rambled gibberish, phrases that no longer make sense but are not any less meaningful for it. His climax is building up quickly and Naruto loves it. He loves the soreness it no doubt will leave in his throat, the way Sasuke loses control all because of him. It's maddening, it's strange and probably not normal that he loves this so much. But he does. He just really loves giving Sasuke blowjobs and even more so if the raven loses himself and starts to roughly face fuck him.

"O-open your mouth." Sasuke demands and Naruto, feeling relieve at the nostalgia, obediently and eagerly does so, sticking his tongue out as Sasuke wraps his hand around his throbbing, leaking cock. It hardly takes more than a few strokes or white wisps shoot from the tip an coach Naruto's lovely kissed lips and delicious tongue. Sasuke's grunts die down and as soon as he stops pumping Naruto has his mouth around the head again to suck out the last spasms of his release. Sasuke moves his hands gently through those blond locks as Naruto seems eager to suck every last drop out of him, which he is obviously eager to supply.
As soon as Naruto is done licking the last traces of his cum from his dick Sasuke sinks to his knees and before he kisses him he moves his thumb over his boyfriends cum covered lips. He pulls his hand back, intending to rinse it under the water, but Naruto stops him and erotically licks it of his finger instead. He hardly restrains another groan and when Naruto looks at him with such a devious smile Sasuke gives in and kisses him deeply again.

"You're so perfect. So amazing." Sasuke says softly before kissing him eagerly again. "Can't imagine what I could have done to deserve such an amazing boyfriend."

"Sasuke…" Naruto moans at another soft bite on his throat. Sasuke's hands travel from his neck, his shoulders, arms, sides and end up resting on his hips. It's me who doesn't deserve you…

"It is my turn now," Sasuke has moved with his lips over his lovers jaw, his neck, his shoulder and then to his ear where he whispers; "to make you feel that good."

Naruto's body tenses as he understands the raven's implication and he can't help the memory of his recent nightmare to come to his mind. If I were to close my eyes for even a second it would be Sai that I'd image sucking my dick. I know it wasn't real, that it was a dream and m-maybe something I couldn't control… But if he sucked me now and instead I think of h-him then… Then I'd really be cheating on him! Naruto hisses as he sat down a bit too far on his behind, reminding him of the pain he had been in just a few moments ago, and he instantly grabs Sasuke's wrist as the ravens hand had inched closer and closer to his own quickly softening member.

"No, stop." Naruto says and Sasuke leans back a bit. "T-that's okay. I'm okay, really." And with that Naruto stands up, ignoring as much as he can the confused and lightly hurt look in those dark eyes. Said raven stands up then as well, gently holding Naruto's upper arms.

"Hey, it's okay. Naru, I want to make you feel good." Naruto turns away from him, hand resting on the shower door to open it.

"It's okay Sasuke. I'm actually really tired. Leave it for next time."

"But-" Sasuke starts while putting a hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"I said no, Sasuke!" Naruto snaps and he roughly shrugs off his hand while pushing the door open. As soon as he did so he regrets it and as he looks over his shoulder at his boyfriend he finds the same shocked, confused, hurt and perhaps even betrayed look in those dark eyes. It was such a strong reminder of his nightmare where he had pushed Sasuke away in favour of Sai that Naruto has to close his eyes for a moment. He turns around then to face the other and he takes a deep breath to contain the inner panic. "Look I… I'm just exhausted and all I want is to crawl back in bed until the pain is gone. For the most part anyway…" Naruto has placed his hand on Sasuke's chest at the height of his heart and the raven places his hand over his.

"It's okay." He says softly before taking his boyfriends hand in his and kisses the knuckles of it tenderly. "I… Shouldn't have pushed. It's- I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Naruto shakes his head before turning around halfway. "I do love you." He says as he opens the door, eyes straying on Sasuke's for a short moment. Too short.

"I know. I love you too." Sasuke answers as he smiles softly, but as soon as Naruto has left the shower does his smile falter.

Both of them have a gut wrenching feeling of guilt and wrongness, neither knowing how to fix it. Those three words once told with so much passion and devotion... How could they suddenly sound so hollow?

As Sasuke enters the bedroom after finishing the shower and his nightly rituals he finds Naruto is in bed already, seemingly asleep. His heart aches as he realizes they didn't even get to wish each other a good night. He swallows hard as he moves to the side of the bed, tempted to reach out, to touch his love and stroke his hand gently through those lovely golden locks. The memory of Naruto brusquely swatting his touch away prevents him from doing so though. He closes his eyes in pain as he feels his throat closing up. What was I thinking… He had said no and yet I didn't listen. Like one good suck made me forget all that had happened! All of the trauma he had been through and the aftermath he was dealing with..! How could I forget that? How could I ignore him saying no and still insist?! Just because he would be the one getting sucked? Isn't that exactly what Sai, that motherfucking whoreson, his rapist, tried to do at first?! Naruto told him no, I believe more than once, and he ignored it too. I'm no better than him at this rate! Sasuke takes a harsh breath before resolutely turning around and leaving his room. I'm so stupid! I'm such an idiot. I need to be better. I have to be better for him! He thinks and stops at the top of the stairs where he leans with his hands on the railing to catch his breath. He takes a few deep breaths and a moment to calm his fast beating heart and overflowing emotions. He sighs deeply as he makes his way down the stairs, not noticing the figure standing at the base of it.

"Everything alright, Sasuke?" Itachi asks and Sasuke startles momentarily.

"I- Yeah…" Sasuke answers though the look his brother sends him clearly states that he isn't convinced. "It's just… Tough. For a bit, you know…" Itachi nods.

"First few days are always the hardest. …Do you remember when mother told you you couldn't keep the stray cat you'd been hiding in your room all week?" Itachi asks him suddenly, catching Sasuke off guard with the memory.

" Uhm. Yeah?" He answers, frowning. When he was six he had found a little kitten while playing outside in the nearby park. It had been raining shortly before and the droplets of water dripping from the trees and laying on the greenery shimmered beautifully in the warming sun. He remembers how it had fascinated him and how he enjoyed jumping into a pool or shake the branches of trees just to watch the sunlight play with the droplets. It was while he was going of the paths to shake and stumble through more undergrowth that he found a box with a very drenched black furred kitten in it. It was shaking terribly and he couldn't resist wanting to help it. He had taken of his jacket and folded it around the shivering thing, pressing it close to his chest to give it a bit more warmth while hurrying back home. He had been chastised before for bringing strays home with the intention to care for them himself and so he snuck around the back of the house and stealthily made it to his room. He had made a little nest for the young animal, dried it and warmed it as best he could before finding some food from the kitchen for it and some water. He had managed to keep the kitten a secret from Itachi and his parents for little more than a week before they found out. The dirty boxes the kitten used as litter that he threw in the garbage were the give-away that warranted a search done by his brother while his mother had called him away for a bit. Sasuke remembers strongly the painful feeling of betrayal when he saw his brother stepping into the kitchen with the kitten in his arms.

"Remember how you said that you hated me and that I wasn't your brother anymore?" Itachi asks and Sasuke's eyes widen.

"I- I didn't mean that! I was just-"

"Angry. I know." Itachi holds his hand up, signalling for his little brother to calm down and listen. "You wouldn't forgive me for over a week. That hurt, because I knew what I did was the right choice but I hurt you in the process. Mother… She told me that it wasn't that you were necessarily angry. You were hurt. And I was the closest person to you whom you could blame." Itachi smiles then. "She said you were giving her the cold shoulder too, but you aimed your frustration at me because, clearly, you were more attached to me. She said she'd almost be jealous if weren't so adorable. …And if she weren't so proud… That we were that close."

"I didn't know…" Sasuke swallows hard and he sees the same tears reflected in his brothers eyes as those that were no doubt in his own.

"I know." Itachi clears his throat, willing the tears and the familiar feeling of loss away. "Anyway, my point here is that hurt can make you lash out. Not because they hate that person but because they are hurt and they feel safe around that someone to show that frustration that comes with the pain, the vulnerability. Even if that someone isn't to blame."

"I see…" Sasuke replies in thought. Clearly this was about him and Naruto and his brothers way of telling him he shouldn't take it personal when Naruto lashes out at him. "I understand." Sasuke nods, marvelling once more at his brothers perceptiveness. He walks over to give him a tight hug. "Thank you, big brother."

"Hnn." Itachi mumbles as he reciprocates the hug.

"Are you doing okay?" Sasuke asks softly without letting go. With all his worrying about his blond he had almost forgotten to check in on his big brother.

"Hmm. I'm doing alright. It's good to be home." He holds his little brother a bit tighter, remembering his fear of never seeing him again when the disaster had struck Japan and he had feared for his life. "Really, really good..." He whispers.

"I agree…" Sasuke whispers back, holding on just as tightly as he feels how Itachi needs this as much as he does.

"You should get to bed." Itachi says with a sigh after a while as he lets him go. "Tomorrow's a schoolday."

"Yeah." Sasuke sighs and he doesn't even fight the yawn that follows. "Callin' it an early night is probably a good idea…"

"For you and me both, little brother." Itachi smiles and they soon after say their good nights.

When Sasuke gets back to his bedroom Naruto seems to still be asleep. He suppresses a sigh but ends up yawning again instead so he quickly makes work of turning of the lights and getting into bed beside his lover.

Itachi is probably right. Sasuke thinks as he lies on his side and studies Naruto's face for a while as far as the dark would let him. He seemed to regret brushing me of so harshly even though he had every right to do so. He's hurt, tired, feeling vulnerable and still in pain. No wonder he'd feel frustrated every now and then. And if being there to catch that frustration is all I can do, then I'll suffer through it. It's nothing compared to what he's going through after all… I'll let him use me as a punching bag as much as he needs me to be… Because I love him. So, so much… Sasuke closes his eyes and he lets his body relax. His thoughts wander from one sad subject to another as he remembers what Itachi had told him just now about their mother. She was proud of how close they were. It made him even more glad that they were that close again once more after having had such a distance between them since their parents deaths. Sasuke wishes vehemently again that he could have introduced his mother to Naruto. He eventually starts to drift off to sleep as he imagens how his lover and his mother would have gotten along.

To be continued…

It's a shorter chapter this time cuss I didn't want you guys to have to wait so long again. I almost ended it after Naruto left the bathroom but ending it on another sad note just didn't feel right, especially after I promised at the end of last chapter that things would be better between them.

I also hope you guys didn't have to cringe to much during the conversation at the start of this chapter. Again, I have no experience with rape in any way (like no source material to draw from), but I can imagine that the aftermath, the days after especially, is just as hard, frustrating and embarassing as the deed itself happening. Naruto's doubts add to this taken that he was likely suffering from depression even before he and Sasuke got together.

Anyway. Drop me a comment so Ill be uploading faster. Itachi and Naruto bonding will be comming up next for sure so look forward to that! (Any stories you think Itachi should tell Naru about his childhood?) How is the angsty level btw? Bit to much? To little humor/fluff/romance/smut? Feedback appreaciated!

Oh, and a very happy new year everyone! Lets hope 2022 will be a great year! (In which I hopefully, finally finish this fanfic.) ^.^