Chapter 7

Athrun was on his bed, on his back, staring at the ceiling. He was like that for several minutes. He sighed and turned to look at Cagalli. She mirrored him.

"Is this how you will spend your visits?"

She was silent.

Athrun sighed louder, turned on his side and watched her. Cagalli's expression was blank, and it had been blank ever since she started visiting again. She visited less frequently than before. It had been almost two weeks since he started seeing her again and she had only visited two other times. More and more, he yearned for her presence.

"Are you going to speak to me? Cagalli, I want to hear your voice."

She looked at him. "Why?"

"Because I—"

"Why do you want to hear my voice when you don't even want me around?"

A pang shot through his heart. He sat up, looking at her, and she looked at him expressionless. It was as if it did not matter that her words cut through him. He wanted her to laugh it off, smile, pout, or shake her head. He wanted something, something to show that she did not mean what she said, that she didn't believe it. She remained expressionless.

"Do you really think that?"

"You made it clear to me that you do not want me here." she looked back at the ceiling.

Athrun moved closer to her, yearning to touch her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, squeeze her, to do whatever it took to express his feelings. She needed to know that what he wanted — for the longest — was to hold her in his arms once more, to kiss her again, to actually have a life with her. But, what he wanted the most was for her to live. It was supposed to be him that day, not her.

His cheeks were wet. He placed his hand to them, wiping away the tears. They were falling so fast, so suddenly that Athrun didn't even know when he began to cry.

"I was an idiot for letting you go" he choked. The words felt stuck in his throat, but he needed her to hear them. "I didn't know how much I wanted you around until you disappeared. You bring me peace and I can't handle it-can't handle anything-when you don't show...I missed you. I missed you so much that it hurt, but seeing you was also hurting me. It hurts not being able to touch you, or spend time with you the way I want. It hurts that you...

"Cagalli, I expressed how I felt about you when I kissed you and told you that I would protect you. I really am glad that I met you, and I am really glad for the time we spent together. Even though I didn't know we would make it out alive, in the back of my mind, if there was a chance...I wanted to spend it with you. A life of peace with you and Kira and Lacus.

"Things are still getting patched up from the war, but it's more peaceful...even though I'm hiding...and though I'm not too certain of the new rulers of Orb...still...it isn't fair that you aren't here."

"Athrun—"

"I'm going to bring you back."

There was no doubt in his tone, no doubt in his gaze. Cagalli didn't understand it, but she could feel the intensity of his determination. It was warm. She was feeling warmth around her. Suddenly, she knew more about what he needed to do. The puzzle pieces that the voices constantly placed were beginning to make a little more sense.

"You mean it?" she asked.

"Yes."

There it was again. The unwavering certainty. His intense gaze burned holes into her soul. She sat up, smiling at him. The sight of it made Athrun's heart leap for joy. He missed that smile.

"I'll be back."

A of dread fell upon his face.

"No, please…"

"I will be back," she smiled once more. She blew him a kiss before fading away.