I just want to thank all my readers for sticking with this fic from the beginning. We still have a long way to go.

So, where we left off was Cuddy went to visit Chase in prison.

Enjoy!

Chapter 53:

Immersed in his thoughts as to why the woman who had to suffer because of his reckless, accidental actions was sitting in front of him right now, Chase forced himself to focus on what she had just spoken aloud.

"So, are you going to break the ice or should I?"

He looked at her carefully; she looked surprisingly and amazingly very composed. More composed, he thought, than she really should have been. At least, right now anyway.

"Why are you here?" he finally asked her.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting that question until later," Cuddy told him immediately as she cocked a single dark eyebrow.

"Well," Chase said to her, with his eyes glued to her face, "what were you expecting?"

Cuddy paused, silent for two beats. "I don't know," she finally admitted quietly. "It's just…House and I were having a discussion earlier and I just…" Her voice trailed off as she struggled to verbalize what she was currently feeling. Chase waited patiently.

"…I thought it was the right move to come see you," she finished out.

Chase eyed her carefully before he spoke. "House doesn't know you're here, I'm assuming?"

Arching an eyebrow again, Cuddy studied him curiously. "And why would you assume that?"

Chase merely chuckled softly as he placed both of his hands on the table folding them on top of one another.

"…judging by our last encounter, let's just say I would have left with a bruised or maybe broken face."

He paused. "…judging by your quizzical expression, you have no idea what happened…"

Eyeing him inquisitively, Cuddy paused. "Have no idea about what?" she asked him slowly.

Chase exhaled, but kept his gaze still fixated on the woman sitting opposite him. He really did not want to convey this bit of information to Cuddy, for she really shouldn't be hearing it from him, but he really had no other choice.

"Chase," Cuddy said calmly, "is there something you would like to tell me?"

Chase exhaled again before speaking. "You really shouldn't hear this from me, but House almost punched me in the face in November when he had me come in and read the article on what happened to you -." He left out the part where he was forced to perform the ultrasound upon House's request.

Cuddy stared at him. "He WHAT?" she exclaimed, appalled.

"…after he gave me shit about being responsible for hurting you and causing you to - " His voice cut off suddenly. He couldn't go on.

As she looked at him, Cuddy could see he was getting worn out. He was, like her and House, hurting also.

"Chase," she began quietly, deciding to deal with the House-component later, "listen to me. What you did was a mistake. While I'm not justifying what you did was right, it does not make you a bad person."

Chase stared blankly down at the table that separated them. He didn't say anything for a moment and then,

"How can you say that?" he exclaimed, picking his head up and meeting her gaze.

"How can you say that," he repeated, "after what I did to you, after I hurt you…. and you sit here and tell me what I did doesn't make me a bad person? How can you-"

He paused, not sure he could continue. However, he composed himself, took a few deep calming breaths and continued. "I can't imagine what you went through, and it was all because I decided to get in my car after I've been drinking… I am so sorry for what I did to you," he finished out, softly. "You shouldn't have gone through what you did."

Cuddy didn't speak for a moment. When she did, Chase was surprised to hear the calmness in her voice. "I know, Chase," Cuddy told him, her voice straining, but she stayed strong. "I know… but yet, I did. I think the reason I can sit here and talk to you about this is because…because I know that it wasn't intentional…I don't hold grudges. A grudge won't solve anything."

She paused to compose herself. Chase stayed silent as he watched her open up to much vulnerability.

"I never blamed anyone," she whispered, looking at him. "I just… It happened so fast and that was it. Greg was there to support me, even though he was seething with anger, he didn't come down here and kill you because he knew I wouldn't have liked it."

While she was speaking, Chase glanced down at his left hand and noticed it trembling. He immediately made a fist. If Cuddy saw this, she didn't mention anything.

Grinning slightly, Chase look back up at her. "So, your boyfriend wants to kill me for what I did to you, and you don't…must be a conflict of interest between you two," he deduced.

Leaning back in her chair, Cuddy crossed her arms across her chest as she surveyed Chase silently before she spoke. "Indeed it is."

After a moment's pause, she said "Although I don't really share my views on the topic. Greg is more, oh shall I say, vocalized about it."

Chase waited for her to elaborate. When she did not, he prodded. But slowly. "What's he say?"

"I'm really not in the position to share his views," she stated simply, but firmly. "If you want to know, I suggest you ask him."

Chase gaped at her. "We both know I won't do that," he told her, extremely surprised about how tight-lipped she was being.

She seemed to pick up on his surprise at her reaction because she said, "Chase, you know very well it is not my place, although you could probably guess from that one encounter you were alluding to earlier."

He nodded and cleared his throat. Silently, he watched her bring a hand to her stomach and caress the growing life from within her womb.

"So, how far along are you?"

Cuddy smiled. "About 22 weeks… so, Cameron told me she paid you a visit before Christmas."

"She did, yes… that's when she told me she didn't think you were mad at me."

"And what'd you say?" Cuddy prodded, narrowing her eyes.

"I told her that was ridiculous and that you should be pissed at me."

"And let me reiterate," Cuddy began, "what I said earlier, and that is I'm not justifying what you did was right, but I'm hoping you learned your lesson. Holding a grudge towards you is not going to bring my other son or daughter back," she finished out, softly.

"And don't think," she continued, her voice rising, "that just because I can sit here and talk to you now does NOT mean that we are good. You changed my life, Chase. And even though it was one time, don't think that this is easy for me to get over. You were drunk and reckless. And I had to pay."

Appalled, Chase stared at her, and willed himself to speak, deciding to address her earlier part of what she had just said to him. "Dr. Cuddy, how can you think on the logical side after all you've been through, after all I've caused you?"

Cuddy chuckled softly and fixed the man before her with a penetrating gaze. "Trust me. It's not easy. If I didn't come to terms with it, if I didn't accept that I had lost… a daughter or a son, then I wouldn't be half as okay as I am now."

"House isn't going to forgive me, is he?" Chase asked her, suddenly.

Hesitating slightly and not expecting that blunt of a question, Cuddy didn't answer him right away. "You're very quick on the questions, aren't you?"

"Is that a problem?" Chase asked her, intrigued as he cocked a single blonde eyebrow.

"Not at all."

Opening his mouth to speak, Chase was stopped when Cuddy cut across him.

"And it's not my place either to tell you whether he will forgive you."

"Why are you being so tight-lipped about House's views?" Chase asked her.

Cuddy was about to answer when she suddenly hesitated. Narrowing her eyes, she fixed Chase with a penetrating glare.

"Why do you care, Chase?"

Quite taken aback by her response, Chase swallowed and stared back at her as she continued.

"You know it's not my place to share House's views on what he thinks of you after what happened. Although you should know what he thinks of you from your conversation around Christmastime about a patient with him…," she spat out, quickly.

Gaping at her, Chase couldn't seem to open his mouth to formulate words.

"…so, once again," Cuddy continued, "why do you care so much? Do you think it's going to impact how he is going to act toward you in the future? You seem to know that he's been treating you like shit evident from what you were telling me before, so why do you need confirmation from me?"

This was not what Chase was expecting at all. It was like a switch flipped for her.

"I –," he started, but was cut off.

"And yes, he is pissed at you. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, Chase," she said to him bitterly, interrupting him. "Just because I can sit here and talk to you does not mean I can accept it and put it all behind me and move forward like it never happened. You changed my life, Chase," she repeated again. "Okay? You made me lose –" She stopped, closing her eyes. 'Don't' she thought, 'Not here. Stay strong.'

Chase just sat there, stoically, not moving. "Where is this coming from?" he finally asked, afraid to know the answer.

Opening her eyes, Cuddy held his gaze for a few seconds before answering him. Her narrowed eyes boring into his gaze with unresolved anger towards him.

"I'll tell you where it's coming from," Cuddy spat out, bitterly, "It's coming from over a month of repression."

And with that, Cuddy stood up, grabbed her coat and purse, and walked out of the room, with Chase staring at the chair she had quickly just vacated.

TBC...

I really think Cuddy is struggling with her feelings towards Chase….On one hand, she holds him responsible for his actions towards her but on the other hand, she's thinking through it logically in that yes, he should pay for his actions but it also was one time and she just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I believe at the end of this conversation, she's angrier than she was before at him.