Harry yawned as Pringles styles his hair. His Hellphone rang on the silver countertop.
"Ooo it's Uncle Andy!" Harry said. "Good morning Uncle!" Harry said.
"It is for some people." Andrealphus said in response.
"Oh shit." Harry said and then "Ow." To Pringles slapping the back of his head."
"Oh shit indeed." The Ice Marquis replies. "What the FUCK where you thinking? Using one of MY crystals against my own sister?!"Harry could feel his uncles icy rage through the phone.
"Oh come off it Uncle you despise her too." Harry counters.
Andrealphus sighed. "Yes, I know. I just wish you had told me what was going on at home before you resorted to blackmail it's such an ugly business."
"You mean you wish I had asked you to help."
"I would have put recording crystals in every room in the house."
"Then you would have caught Dad and his new imp boyfriend." Harry countered.
"Hmm, fair point." Andrealphus concedes. "Though to be honest I've found your father rather attractive since we where young."
I'll make note of that. Harry said. If Dad wants to save face he might have to have a more serious relationship with another Goetia.
"Anything else Uncle?"
"I received your gift."
"How mad was she?" Harry asked with a knowing smirk on his face as Pringle's moves on to his cream treatments for his feather coloring on his head to be shiny.
"Legendarily pissed off. Oh you should have heard the shriek."
"That's what that noise was just before bath time!" Harry said to Pringles eagerly.
The previous evening...
Harry had a rather tolerable day with his mother and sister. No one ended up screaming at and or threatening each other with violence, blackmail or some other uncouth behaviors as have been happening at home lately. They had gone to a shopping mall that catered to the ultra wealthy and had spent the day shopping, going to coffee shops (Harry enjoyed hot chocolate to coffee to be perfectly honest but Mocha Lattes where a guilty pleasure occasionally). Stella had bought Harry some new pop culture shirts from Stylish Occult and Octavia some new Taxidermy for her collection.
"Papa can I have a hug good-"
"Why are you still here? You leave with the children on weekends and still hang around the house despite everything."
"I love tormenting you." Stella silkily purred. "I want to remind you of what you did every time we walk out that door to have a fun day together."
Of course it was never about me or Via. Vias gonna be so upset. Harry thought angrily. That fucking bitch! Harry thought as he hid behind their bed.
"I know what I did." Stolas insisted. "I would feel bad if I had hurt you but we both know I didn't do that. You and I where arranged for one reason, to birth a precautionary heir to the Goetia family and then father found Harry in that filthy alleyway and he was named the heir when he was discovered to be the most magically powerful of his generation and Octavia is already 17. I can't do this anymore! I want you out!" Stolas raised his hand.
"What do you mean out?!"
"I mean OUT! OUT OF THIS PALACE AND OUT OF OUR LIVES! We are GETTING THE DIVORCE!"
"Are you joking? What do you think the rest of the Goetias will say when they find out your an Imp fucker? Andrealphus will-" She went to raise her hand to backhand Stolas and he flinched.
She's done this to dad before. Harry thought in rage. He leapt over the bed and focused his magic in rage.
"How dare you! let me go!" Stella demanded as her hand was caught in a magical grasp.
"I'm not doing this." Stolas protested. He looked around Stella to see his young son in his new Balerion the Black Dread hoodie Pajamas that Stella had bought him that morning looking infuriated. His normally emerald eyes blazing red with rage. Making him almost look like the pajamas namesake as Magic swirled around him.
This is when Stolas knew his son was ready to start studying his own Grimoire...
"Hey!" Stella's arm wretched behind her back. She looked behind her. "YOU!" She shouted at Harry. "When I get my hands on you HEY!"
Harry got her other arm behind her back.
"Harry. Listen to the sound of my voice. Come back to us." Stolas pleaded.
Harry was too angry. He picked up Stella in a magical grasp.
"Ow HEY Stolas MAKE HIM STOP!" Stella pleases as she crunches up with her legs. "What the fuck is he doing?!"
"I have no idea I've never taught him anything like this."
Stolas watched Stella be twisted painfully all over and pushed inward and moulded until she resembled a gift box. She bounced up and down and made angry noises.
Stolas rushed over and caught the parrot boy as he wobbled and tiredly grabbed his head.
"I've never used that spell before." Harry said. "But when I saw her try to hit you Dad just saw red." Harry said as he hugged his father.
Stolas smiles sadly and put a hand on his sons head. "Who was it that taught you that spell?"
"Uncle Andrealphus." Harry said. "Dad you know even the Goetia don't condone spousal abuse right? Why didn't you say anything?"
"I thought I could make it work."
"Dad how many Lifetime Movies have we watched together?"
"A lot." Stolas sighed. Rubbing the back of his head.
"How many of the wives try to make it work with their abusive husbands?"
"All of them."
"How many succeed?"
"None." Stolas sighed sadly. "I thought you and Via needed a mother."
"That's what Pringles told me." Harry said. "But Dad even Uncle Andy is gonna be super pissed off when he hears what that bitch has been doing to you." He kicked Stella over to the side angrily and she raged more.
Harry summoned over an actual gift box and put Stella inside before tying it carefully and willing a fountain pen to write Andrealphus on the tag.
"Cuddle Time?" He suggested. Knowing Stolas probably needed some comfort that Octavia was too old as a Seventeen year old to do, sleep in her parents bed. But Harry being ten, albeit an intelligent ten year old, wouldn't be that strange yet.
Stolas smiles and slid into his bed and Harry slid up the primary comforter putting barriers between them and snuggled into Stolas' fluffy chest feathers with a yawn. Stolas smiles and beg and to sing as he hugged his only son.
"It always seems so quiet, in the dark..."
That was how Pringles found them the next morning to get Harry ready for the day.
Lord Marquis Andrealphus opened his front door to spy a package neatly wrapped in a pretty bow. "Ooo. What could this be?"
"Huh?" Harry peels his sleepy head up as he walks with Pringles toward his bathroom.
Present...
"If things get too hard at home you know you can always talk to me yes?" Andrealphus asked.
"I know Uncle. Tell Mum I said "Kisses!"
"Your terrible." But Harry heard the older peacock laugh as he hung up.
"I was a good person before it all went down...I was good my entire life."
Mrs. Mayberry has been a school teacher. Kind, caring to all her students. Even Duncan who never did his homework and always sat in the corner wearing the dunce cap.
Then she called her husband to surprise him with a Happy Birthday Facetime call with her students.
And caught him in bed with another woman.
Mayberry has immediately rushed home with a shotgun and shot the both of them before killing herself in front of the terrified faces of her young students
"Don't forget to work on your times tables." She had wept before blowing her brains out.
"I mean was she hot or-"
Mayberry suddenly looked enraged.
"Excuse me ma'am but I don't think you understand how IMP works see we take revenge on the living and it seems like the parties involved are already dead. Probably here in Hell from that story."
She hadn't noticed the boy before. He was a parrot looking demon. A Blue Macaw. He took notes on a tablet computer.
"What he said." Blitzo pointed to Harry. "Intern." He explained.
"How old are you? Shouldn't you be in school sweetie?"
"Nobility. My Daddy is a Prince of the Ars Goetia. I'm homeschooled with tutors. I intern at IMP on Tuesdays and Thursdays!" Harry said. "I just turned ten last year!" He said eagerly in a childish tone to disarm her.
"Uh...Alright. Anyway, not all of them are here. That whore survived."
"Woah." No wonder your so pissed off. I mean it's bad enough she slept with your husband. Now she has the admiration of the public and your old job! I'd be pissed off too!" Harry said.
"I want her dead!" Mayberry slammed her hands in front of Blitzo.
Harry reaches discreetly under Blitzos desk and rapidly hit the "deranged client button."
"Guys I'd like you to meet!" Blitzo said as he and Harry escorted Mayberry to the reception area.
Harry couldn't keep up with how fast the arrow was going But Blitzo caught it just as it was about to go through one of his eyes.
"Our newest client."
"Oh crumbs. Your highness are you all right? I'm so sorry!" Moxxie looked Harry over.
"Moxxie I'm fine." Harry said. Then he grabbed Moxxie and threw him on the other side of the room as the aquarium full of electric eels broke.
"Thank you Harry." Moxxie said woosily as Millie helped her husband up.
"Don't worry! We'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours or your next kill is free!" Blitzo called as Mayberry got into a cab and made way for her and her husbands new apartment in Pentagram City. He had found her and they had a long heart to heart and where going to try again in death where they couldn't succeed in life. She was still angry at the whore though.
"When did we start implementing that deal?" Moxxie asked.
"When you SET FIRE TO MY OFFICE IN FRONT OF A CLIENT YOU DIPSHIT! NOW PLEASE TELL ME THAT FANCY BOOK IS STILL INTACT!!!!"
"You mean our only ticket to the other side till Junior here gets older and wiser? Yeah, got it." Loona said cooly holding up the grimoire.
"That's why your my favorite Loonie! You get a tweat now!" Blitzo held out a dog biscuit.
"Ew. Stop." Loona said.
Blitzo chomped on the treat himself.
"Your so gross!" Loona said as she activated the portal spell.
"Oh stop that. I get enough of that from my therapist. Now Let's go lick some ass!"
"Ew!" Harry said gagging.
"The expression is Kick some ass, Blitzo." Millie said cooly before hopping through the portal.
"Mines better." Blitzo said before following.
"Fuuuuck." Moxxie groaned before also following.
"What now?" Harry asked Loona.
"Now we just wait."
"And do what?"
"Wanna watch tv and eat junk food all day?"
"Is House of the Dragon on yet?" Harry asked.
"I think it's still a few days away. But I do have Spongebob on my Paramount account. Plus with the trio gone we can use the projector and speaker system in the conference room.
"Cool!" Harry said eagerly running back into the building.
"He's okay." Loona said with a smile as she followed the ten year old into the building.
Blitzo was huffing and puffing. Not chasing after little piggies who make houses out of straw and sticks no. Moxxie has to fuck up His perfect shot and little miss perfect and her family turned out to be psycho cannibalistic gun nuts.
"I know your hurtin little devil. I can make that pain go away real quick!" The woman said as she stalked the forest for Blitzo who held his mouth shut.
"Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!" Martha said.
Blitzos phone rang.
"Hello Blitzy. I was calling to check on how my son was doing." Stolas said.
"Stolas this is a really bad time."
"Oh When isn't it a bad time Blitzy?" Stolas said as he rubbed soap into his feathers enjoying a long hot bath that he could never do while Stella was around.
"I was hoping to have a little conversation regarding my Grimoire."
"What did you call me?"
"My book Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That my son will have one of his own some day soon? That I have allowed you to use to do yours?"
BANG!
"I can hear you darling!" Martha said as she blasted a hole where Blitzos head had been.
"Shit!" Blitzo hissed.
"I was thinking what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors." Stolas said as he walked his fingers along the tubs edge. "Doesn't that sound...enticing?
"Look Stolas can you cut the shit I'm trying to concentrate on not getting f'd in my A!" Another hole near his head. He went wide eyed.
"Fine then. Once a month on the full moon, you return the book to me, i perform my duties and we have a night of passionate fornication then you get to keep it all the rest of the time. Sound fair my little imp?"
"Fine! Whatever!" Blitzo said not really understanding what he was agreeing to.
"Oh Blitzy! I'm so excited!" Stolas said trailing a hand down to his groin and fondling himself thinking of all the exciting fuck sessions he and his imp lover would have. "I can't wait to feel your slimy tongue in my cloaca and your humongous red-he hung up." Stolas realized a while later after he had orgasmed into the tub. "Oh Blitzy. Whatever am I going to do with you?" Stolas asked as he stood and climbed out of the tub wrapping a towel around himself before waving his hand and got air dried him instantly. "I think it's nearly time for Pringles to bring Harry home, better have Reginald prepare supper." He said as he got on his robe and left his private bath.
"You really should be more careful. Your lucky Pringles taught me how to stitch wounds." Harry scolded Blitzo as he sewed Blitzos wound closed after quickly forcibly summoning the bullet in the wound making Blitzo scream out loud.
"Well at least Moxxie finally learned not to fuck up." Blitzo said as Harry finished his stitches and Blitzo cut him a big slice of cake for his help.
Mayberry has come over with a thank you cake.
"That's messes up." Mrs. Mayberry said. "But I payed for it."
Everyone laughed while Moxxie looked devastated down at his cake.
"Brought you a piece of cake!" Harry said to Octavia when he got home.
"What did you do that's got mum so pissed off?"
"I may have transfigured her into a gift box and sent her off to Uncle Andy." Harry said.
"May have or did?"
"Did."
"Nice." Octavia laughed. "The screeching was legendary." Octavia said as she licked frosting off a plastic fork. "She really hates you."
Octavia has been visiting Andrealphus when it happened.
"I know I've never been so proud of my magical skill before." Harry said as brother and sister started talking about their day.
To be Continued...