Xander sat down with Jayne at the table; He's officially convinced that a Firefly is the Ford Pinto of spaceships. They had a party for doc last night and according to Kaylee the coil is doing its job but with a bad catalyzer the ship could have killed them all in their sleep. Xander's face contorts from his spot he was reading The Lost World but his nose just... dear god. "What in the name of all that is holy is that smell?"

Kaylee turned to him while talking to Inara. "Simon's cooking. Isn't that nice of him."

Xander rolled his eyes and went back to his book. "Smells like street tar."

Kaylee opened her mouth upset. "Well Jayne obviously doesn't mind."

"I think it smells like crotch." The Merc countered.

Xander smiled and saw River walk up to him with a knife in hand seemingly heading for Jayne, and quickly got up to meet her. "Let's go get some drinks; I need something to go along with Simon's…meal?"

River put the knife down and followed realizing what she was about to do. "I still say he looks better in red."

"I'm sure Willow will agree with you but for now let's just get those drinks I'm famished." Xander countered as he led her to the fridge and quickly out of the dining area.

Xander led River into Willow's bunk. River idly followed behind as he pulled Willow out of her haze. "Willow, we kind of have a problem."

Willow sighed Xander knows without magic she needs to meditate this better be good. "What kind of problem?"

"Well, River might have tried to attack Jayne with a butcher knife." Xander replied.

Willow's eyes lit up as she's definitely back on Serenity now. "What do you mean attack Jayne with a knife?"

Xander sat Willow down and explained the situation. Willow sighed and yeah Jayne was getting cut if Xander wasn't there. Willow listened to everything and only one clear thought enter her mind. "We have to tell Simon and Mal. You might not be there next time she attacks."

River shrugged and started out of the bunk as she walked towards Simon's bunk until she walked right into Jayne and just backed away quietly as Xander approached behind her. River quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a stake.

Jayne barely had time to react and backed away as River tried to swing at him but was pushed into the wall by Xander.

"River, no"

River looked at Jayne's chest. "He looks better in red."

Xander looked at Jayne and more specifically the blue sun logo on his chest. He quickly led her away from the merc fearing what she would do if given the chance.

Jayne watched as Willow came out of the bunk. "What, the hell was that?"

Willow shrugged and started to explain. "Oh, River was trying to attack you. Don't take it personal."

"With a wooden stake?" Jayne asked.

"We don't believe in tazers where we're from." Willow replied.

Jayne quickly put the picture together. "Gorram girl was going to kill me."

Willow quickly shook her arms frantic. "No, well, stab you maybe, but not intentionally."

"Some day, you can explain to me how that's a good thing." Jayne countered leaving the room and undoubtedly heading for Mal.

Willow sighed she can't do much without magic. She sees the shirt and realizes Blue Sun again so she calmly replied as he leaves. "At least change your shirt when you talk to Mal.

Willow sat in he main hall with Simon and Xander as Jayne ran everything through with Mal. "Both of them have gotta go Ariel is as good a place as any, might even pick us up a reward for our trouble."

Mal looked at Jayne not changing. "No ones getting left."

Jayne glared at him. "She belongs in a bughouse. You don't pitch her off this boat right now, I swear to you..."

Xander took that moment and got right in Jayne's face. "What Jayne, you'll do what?"

Mal watched as both Xander and Jayne closed fists and ready to come to blows.

Willow saw it and got between the two she's pretty sure a fight between them would leave nothing but a bloody room and both of them in the infirmary. "Hey, macho off, or goddess help me I will put you both in the infirmary."

Xander backed away and Jayne turned to Mal and added. "They don't get gone; you better start locking up your room at night. Next time little sister gets in a murdering mood, might be you she comes calling on. Maybe Kaylee, Inara." He turns to Willow. "Or her husband, you let them stay, we're gonna find out."

Mal leaned in and stared at Jayne very closely any trace of emotion gone from his face. "This is my boat. They're part of my crew. No one's getting left. Best you get used to that."

Jayne didn't say a word and left unhappily shoulder bumping Xander enough to knock him back. Xander looks at him for a moment but lets it go. Jayne is the last thing on his mind right now.

Mal walks over to Simon. "She's to stay confined to her room, at all times, no exceptions." Simon nods, unhappily. "Take her to the kitchen, the infirmary,
whatever, you ask me first, understand?"

"I do." Simon replied.

"When I took you and your sister in, the deal was you keep her in check. You can't hold up your end, we're going to have to revisit the deal." Mal added.

Simon nods and looks down and Mal looks away.

"She's getting worse isn't she?" Mal asked.

"Xander being around helps her sad to say, but I don't even know what it is they did to her." Simon answered.

Mal turned around and watched Xander walking away. "And where do you think you're going?"

"Well call me crazy, but I thought I might go check in with my wife." Xander answered.

Mal shakes his head. "She's confined."

"Not to me."

"Yes to everyone."

"Chur-ni dah Caleb!" Xander shouted as he rubbed his head. "I meant Captain at the end. And I'm still going you want to stop me, shoot me."

Willow watched as Xander left. "I'll talk to him after he cools down. I really think this is just whatever the academy did to her and if anyone can get her to crack about them it's probably him."

Xander came down to River's bunk and saw her lying down in bed holding her head. "What are you doing?"

"Keeping out the fear."

Xander hopped on the bed and laid down next to her. "Look at us sharing a bed."

River looked at him for a moment before she smiled. "Please remove your clothing."

The two shared a laugh knowing neither means anything by it as Xander regains control. "You know if you ever want to talk about what happened there."

River shook her head and started twitching. "I can't it's too much… they cut and they stole and no matter what he does he can't fix me."

Xander put his arms around her waist and hugged her resting his head gently on her shoulder. "Well between me, you and the wall I don't think there's anything to fix that you can't fix yourself in time. We all have our off days, besides all my family have at least tried to kill people once."

River smiled and turned her head and kissed him. "That's why I chose you."

Willow walked with Kaylee. The mechanic is quickly becoming her best friend on this boat which is actually kind of emptying out. Book is off meditating and Inara just left for a physical. She heads down to River's bunk and Kaylee decided to side with the doctor and River on this one.

Kaylee opened the bunk and got a clear eyed view of River and Xander making out. "Wow, look at them go."

Xander broke the kiss almost blushing and River had a quiet smile.

Willow smiled she knows what they've been up to but now he knows she knows which now means she can make a lot more fun of him. "Well, well, well"

"Willow, what are you doing here?" Xander asked.

Willow looked at knowing he's so busted. "You mean besides catching you mid smoochies."

Xander rolled his eye he really should have kept an ear out on his bunk. "We were playing cards."

Kaylee looked at the bed and saw Xander's side had a small pile of cards scattered about along with River's with a much bigger pile of cards with royalty on them with cards she's never seen before. "What, exactly are you playing?"

"War" Xander answered. "Highest card wins and yes, it's the only game I can think of where she won't cheat Will."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch" River teased in a deadpan matter.

They all looked up as Mal stuck his head in. "Kaylee get up here, we might have a job and you'll never believe who's hiring us."

Kaylee and Willow both head up and River looks uneasy as Xander puts his hand on her shoulder. "Are you OK?"

River looked at him but looked away. "Simon wants me too sleep."

Xander nodded he ever gets his hands on anyone from the academy there will be hell to pay. "I won't leave your side until you wake up."

River went up and Xander followed after her.

Xander and River joined everyone and to their surprise it's Simon with a job offer for them.

The whole crew sans Book and Inara are all staring at Simon not believing this. Mal had to repeat it just to make certain. "You have a job for us."

"One that will pay for itself ten times over." Simon assured them holding out a vial. "Do you know what this is?" Simon doesn't hear anyone answer so just explains. It's a common immune booster called isoprovaline. Street value for a dosage this size, fifty platinum, maybe twenty credits." He runs down three more drugs and waits as Mal, Zoe, and Jayne each take a vial.

"It's always the quiet ones." Xander quipped. "He used to be such a good kid."

Simon rolled his eyes at the words of… oh god, his brother in law. He quickly focuses back on his plan. "These are just from the med kit I had when I came on board. At a hospital like the one in Ariel City, they'll have shelves of that stuff. Whatever the take, it's more than enough payment for what I have in mind."

"The med vault isn't the job?" Willow asked that's enough to make them all rich right there.

Simon shakes his head he's no thief. "That's the payment. I tell you how to get in, get out, and what's worth taking; if you help me get River into
the hospital's diagnostic ward."

"What's in the diagnostic ward?" Willow asked curious to see how far science has come in five hundred years.

"A 3-D neuroimager." Simon answered. "If I can get River in there, I might be able to figure out what they did to her at the Academy."

Xander put a hand up. "Not to rain on your crime parade here, Don Tam, but you can't get River to hold still in the infirmary, how are you going to get her to hold still in a hospital?"

Simon looked at her. "Because the person who has kept her calm since he married her won't be three feet from her."

Xander looked at him last time he woke up in a hospital his left eye never opened again. "Well, what if I have issues with a hospital?"

Zoe never took her eyes off the drug and patted him on the shoulder sarcastically. "There, there"

Xander glared at her and with Zoë's face he honestly can't tell if that was serious or sarcasm.

Mal turned to Simon. "So we get you and your sister into the whatchathing and you tell us how to clean out the hospital."

"Yes."

Kaylee looked at the group nervously. She always though of the crew as puckish rogues more then hardened criminals. "Not to be negative, but, don't the hospital need that medicine?"

Zoe shakes her head. "Government run facility. They'd be restocked in a matter of hours."

"She's right. They'll never miss it." Simon added.

Mal nodded in agreement especially since it means walking right up to an alliance door and kicking it on on their heads. "Plus, folks on the rim sure could use it."

Wash looked at the group this is new for him. "You know, it's all very sweet; stealing from the rich, selling to the poor, but you're talking about breaking into a highly secure Alliance facility. How do you on plan getting around security?"

Simon reaches over and takes the vials from the others. "It's not easy; but it can be done. You see, like all Core hospitals, St. Lucy's has its own dedicated security force."

Xander looked around and saw Willow. "What?" He saw Willow leave and follow her.

Xander went down with Willow to her bunk. "Will, what if I was having private thoughts in there?"

"You don't think I know when you do?" Willow asked.

Xander looked at her not believing she risked a bit of magic. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Jayne's shirt."

Xander looked at his best friend in confusion. "Will, whatever you and Jayne get up to that's your business." Xander looked at Willow and could have sworn her hair flashed black. "I'll be good."

"Jayne was wearing a blue sun shirt. I think that's what River was attacking. Has she told you anything about the academy?"

Xander thought on this and replied. "She said they took something out of her. That no one can fix her because nothing was broken just stolen."

Willow thought on that maybe she's a reader because they lobotomized her. "Well we won't really know until we get her to Ariel. But on the bright side you're already going."

Xander looked at her and was confused seeing the crew getting ready for the job. "And how do you think you're getting in with the rest of us. Especially with the forced no magic policy because nothing says subtle like Twilight crashing through a hospital rooftop"

"I'll think of something." Willow assured him. "Even without magic I always had my ways."

Xander nodded as he got to her feet. "I'm going to lounge in the ship a bit."

Xander came down to River's bunk and it didn't take him long to see that she's upset as Simon leaves holding his shin. "So I take it the doc told you his 'brilliant' plan?"

"He wants to see what's missing." River replied sitting down on the bed.

Xander sat down next to her. "Well maybe it will be useful and the crew is… alright with sneaking."

River looked at him. "He's going to suspend cerebral, cardiac, and pulmonary activity in order to induce a proto-comatose state… he's going to knock us out and put us to sleep."

"That's his plan." Xander confirmed now that he knew what she was talking about.

River looked at him getting more and more upset with each word. "I don't want to do it; I don't want to go to that place, I don't want to die."

Xander hugged her and whispered in her ear. "No one is going to die. We'll sleep we'll wake up, maybe I'll even have Willow stack us when your brother isn't looking. Maybe even talk Jayne into giving your brother a tattoo of Kaylee's name." River tried to fight off the smile but it broke through. "See, no biggie."

River smiled and kissed him as the two fell back on the bed. River rolled them over so she was now straddling him and bent her face down for another kiss as Xander's hands roamed on their own until they ran down her arms and shoulder reaching her back and pulling her closer as his kisses moved onto her neck and someone cleared their throat.

Kaylee looked at them with a smile. "Simon's going to be down here in a few minutes to knock you two out."

Xander searched for the right words but found nothing "OK, good to know. I'm going to get a drink."

"Yeah, you can use something to cool off." Kaylee teased though this only confirms it. She gives it a week two at the most before they're sleeping together. But Willow's right it is fun to tease people especially when catching them in the smoochies as she calls it but her eyes turn to River. "You really like him don't you… I mean you were about to sleep with him right here."

River looked at her for a moment calmly before replying. "At least it's not the engine room with a complete stranger."

Kaylee turned a bright shade of red while she practically fled the bunk, how the hell did she know that? River smiled seeing she got a bit of payback at the mechanic for chasing off her husband.

Willow walked into the room and Simon looking like he could slam his head into the wall until the madness stopped. Willow watched as the scene replayed again and again as she quickly got what the crew was supposed to be saying and just rolls her eyes and groans in disgust at the latest show. "You guys are just bad at the whole acting thing huh."

Mal looked at her exhausted. "You think you can do better young one."

Willow nods her head without hesitation. "I know I can Captain grumpy, I'm one with the medical lingo.'

Jayne glared at the woman he married. "Then let's hear it wifey."

Willow turned to Simon and started in a complete deadpan. "The patients were cyanotic and non-responsive. We used pulmonary stimulators, cardiac infusers and cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural response or resuscitate them."

Mal, Zoe and Jayne each stare in awe at Willow they've been at this for two hours and she just nailed all three of their parts in two minutes. Mal looked at her confused but was the first to speak. "So, how do you feel about illegal acts?"

"I killed two people in cold blood." Willow offered.

Author's Notes

Thanks for the reviews

I've tried Out of Gas but since it's mainly everyone else's origins I couldn't find anything useful in it but maybe I'll come back to it.

The one line muttered by Xander is screw you.

Up Next: Two by two hands blue.