All the recent Facebook conversations about on canon and off canon beliefs about Heyes and Curry made me start contemplating the darker side of their lives. To me, the darkest point in the series was the episode with Danny Bilson. I've storied Kid's internal battle with Danny Bilson before, but just felt like I had to give it another go.

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It had been three days since Kid was called out by Danny Bilson, and each one of those days, Kid grew more sullen, more closed off, even to me.

Danny was certainly not the first time Kid had faced a man on the street hell bent on killing him, not even the first time he faced a man he knew might be faster than him. But it was the first time Kid drew on a man with the full intention of dropping the man dead right there on the street.

And it was the first time that Kid fully internalized the killing afterward. It was the first time Kid felt not one lick of regret for killing that man who called him out.

The Sheriff saw all of it. He knew Danny had started the confrontation (although he didn't know that I may have egged Danny on just minutes earlier in the saloon). But, because Kid was in the clear, he and I were saddled and riding out of town before Bilson had even been scraped off the street.

Kid was quiet after we left town and I didn't think nothing of that. Kid was always quiet after being called out. It took him a while after being called out to put the gunslinger to rest till the next time he was challenged.

But this time was different. The look in Kid's eyes was different, like a coldness had settled in those blue eyes. I could tell when he looked at me that he was trying to shove that coldness aside, but it wouldn't budge, not even for me.

And it worried me. It worried me a lot.

We slept out under the stars for well over a week, because Kid wanted no part of a town, no connection with people. He tolerated my presence, but he didn't welcome it. He didn't take no comfort in it. He wanted solitude, and I tried to accommodate him as best I could.

We'd sit by the fire in the evening and Kid would just stare into the flames. He didn't sleep. He barely ate. And the bottle of whiskey in his saddlebag was his new found partner.

Oh, I tried to pull him out of that hole he'd dug for himself. I tried to get him to talk, to tell me what was chipping away at his soul, but his reply was always the same. "Let me be," he'd say in a low but adamant voice, and then he'd pull himself up, grab hold of that bottle of whiskey, and walk away.

And I'd be left wondering who this man was that I was sharing a campfire with.

When the whiskey ran dry, Kid was agreeable to visiting a town. We got a room and Kid even agreed to going to the cafe for supper. But then we went to the saloon. I found a poker game, but Kid just bought two bottles of whiskey and went back to the hotel. He didn't even tell me he was going. I just happen to see him, cause I had started keeping a close eye on him

He wasn't overly drinking, just enough to dull some thinking, maybe ease some pain inside him. When I got back to the hotel, both bottles were sitting on the table unopened, and Kid was, at least pretending to be asleep. I know he wasn't sleeping, cause I don't sleep much, but Kid, he always makes a soft snoring sound when he sleeps, and I hadn't heard that since he killed Bilson.

The next morning when I did wake, Kid was packing his things. He hadn't changed his clothes in a week. Come to think of it, I hadn't even seen him clean his gun. The stubble on his face was growing into a beard now, and his hair was looking matted.

I swung myself out of bed and told him I needed a few minutes before I'd be ready to go. That's when he finally spoke.

"I'm leaving alone, Heyes," he said quietly but without room for debate.

"You mean you're splitting up with me?" I asked.

Kid dropped his saddlebags on the bed and then sat down on the edge of the mattress and slowly raised those cold, hardened eyes to me.

"I don't know how I got here, Heyes," he said quietly.

"You mean this town?" I asked, feeling scared.

"No, I don't know how I got to this place... in my life. First an outlaw...now a killer."

"Aw, Kid... You're not a killer. Danny Bilson called you out. That was a fair fight, Kid."

Kid continued to look at me. Then he started shaking his head real slow.

No... I aimed to kill him... I wanted...to kill him."

I saw Kid's whole body slump. His gaze dropped to the floor.

He thought himself a gunslinger.

"Kid, ever since Danny Bilson died, you've shut out the whole world... Don't shut me out, too."

He didn't look up, but his head shook slowly again. "I don't want you there, Heyes, when I..."

Oh good God of Mercy, I thought as I realized what Kid intended to do.

"Kid," I said desperately. "Jed, listen to me. Killing Danny Bilson don't make you a gunslinger. It don't make you a killer. It makes you..." Hell I didn't know what it made him, so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind."

"It makes you... one of the rest of us!"

He raised his eyes to look at me. He had no clue what I meant, and frankly, neither did I. But I knew I had to get through to him right then and there, or I'd lose him forever.

"Jed, there ain't a man alive that don't want to take evil out of this world, and that's all you done that day with Bilson. You took a piece of evil out of this world. It don't make you a killer. It don't make you a gunslinger. It makes you...a humanitarian. "

"A what?" he asked.

I knew Kid didn't know what that word meant. He likely never heard the word before in his life, so I figured I could explain it to my suiting, you know, to make my point. Silver tongue, don't fail me now."

"Humanitarian. That's a person who tries to make the world a better place, bit by bit. That's what you done, Jed. Bilson killed Seth. He tried to kill us. He likely would kill anyone if he thought it was to his advantage. All you did was keep someone else from dying at the hands of Danny Bilson. Who knows how many lives you saved by ending that one."

"But I planned it. I wanted Danny dead when we were out in that desert. I knew then I'd kill him one day."

"No, Jed. Out there in that desert, you knew you were going to rid the world of an evil. You knew you were going to do what was right for Seth, for us, for whoever Danny's next victim might have been."

I could see Kid was listening, grasping at the straws I was tossing his way. When he finally looked up at me, I still saw that coldness in his eyes. But something had changed. Something had softened just a bit.

"This is going to take me a while, Heyes," he whispered.

"I know... Just don't shut me out, Kid... Don't walk away."

"Don't stop reminding me of what you just said, Heyes. I ain't to the point of believing you. But I can see there is some..."

"Hope?"

Kid uttered a breathy chuckle. "I was think more along the lines of resolution," he replied.

"Are you saying we're still partners? You ain't leaving me?"

"I think I need you, Heyes. You're my other side of the coin."

"You gotta keep talking to me, Kid. You can't shut me out no more. We'll work through this."

Kid wrapped his right arm across his chest and rubbed the palm of his other hand across his mouth.

"Heyes, I don't think I can work through this... on an empty stomach," he said and raised his eyes up to mine.

Right there, I knew we'd make it. I knew Kid was in there, somewhere.

I knew, cause I saw the tiniest hint of a twinkle back in those eyes.