"Kid, are you aware of the significance of this day?" Heyes asked as he and Kid sat in rocking chairs outside the hotel, contemplating how to spend the afternoon.
"You mean, other than it being Wednesday?"
"It's Kate's birthday."
"So?"
"So, don't you think we ought to do something nice for her?"
"Did she do anything for our birthdays, Heyes? In fact, did she or anyone else for that matter, even give us a birthday?"
Heyes smiled. "You know, that's what I like about you Kid, under all that tough outlaw exterior, there's a cold heart and a stone soul."
"Thanks, Heyes. And I want you to know, in all sincerity, I feel the same way about you."
"Kid, Kate's been pretty good to us over these past few months that we've gotten to know her."
"You mean like she ain't killed one of us in a while?"
"You got to remember, she's an old lady now. Her thinking isn't as...good as it use to be. She's probably got a dozen plot lines wrote down somewhere and she just moves the location or changes the name of the hero or the villain and pretty much just rewrites the same story over and over."
"I have noticed we've been visiting the same towns a lot lately. Think we ought to remind her that's kind of dangerous for us?"
Heyes sighed, Kid had a point, even if he was leading the conversation off the original subject. Suddenly Heyes' eyes brightened and he snapped his thumb and middle finger together.
"Kid, I've got it!"
"I just hope whatever it is you got, it ain't catching."
"Seriously, I know what we can give Kate for her birthday!"
Kid looked at Heyes dubiously. "What?"
"It won't cost us one red cent, Kid."
Kid smiled. "Well, now I'm beginning to like it, Heyes...What is it?"
"A list of new story ideas!"
"Story ideas," Kid said with some disappointment. "I was kind of hoping for a more...sensual gift, Heyes."
"You're always hoping for something sensual. Kid. How old are you?"
"Thirty-one."
"Kate is sixty-five today, you know that? Picture that when you're thinking sensual!"
Kid winced. "I see what you mean, Heyes. Not exactly the sensual I had in mind."
"So, let's think of some story ideas."
"Heyes,"
"Yeah?"
"Maybe we ought to do that across the street at the saloon. A little whiskey might help our imaginations a bit."
Heyes was about to object until he remembered what little imagination Kid usually displayed.
"As our friend Kyle would say Kid, I think that's a fine idea."
TWO HOURS AND HALF A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY LATER...
"What have we got written down so far?" Kid asked, his speech slurred, his eyes dull, his arms and head resting on the table.
"We got "Story Ideas by Smith and Jones."
"Heyes?"
"What?"
"Can't we use our real names? She knows who we are. It won't come as no surprise."
Heyes raised his wobbly head and stared toward the ceiling with eyes that preferred to be closed. Then his head dropped toward his chest and he picked up the pencil and darkened out Smith and Jones and scribbled in Heyes and Curry.
"I got a story idea, Heyes."
Heyes smiled. "What is it?"
"Kate can sober us up without a hangover scene."
Heyes chuckled. "You were right, Kid. A little whiskey gets your creative juices flowing," Heyes said with mocked sincerity.
"Heyes...wouldn't is be easier to just buy her some lavender water?"
"Or some computer paper."
"What's computer paper?"
Heyes sighed. "I wish I knew, but I've heard her mention it...You want another drink?"
Kid shook his head, though he didn't bother to raise it from the table.
"Let's go back to the sober us up story, Heyes. Write that down."
"WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE DOING?" the aged voice with more than a bit of ire exclaimed, the sound reverberating throughout the saloon.
Kid's hands moved to cover his ears, while Heyes quickly crumpled the paper and slipped it into his back pocket.
"Kate! How long have you been here?" Heyes asked nervously.
"Long enough to see it isn't safe to leave the two of you alone... Kid, get your face out of that bowl of peanuts!"
Heyes reached across the table and pulled Kid's hands away from his ears. "He can't hear you, Kate," Heyes explained.
Heyes heard the rapid tap of fingers on Kate's keyboard and within minutes both Heyes and Curry were sitting straight in their chairs, the whiskey bottle gone and a steaming cup of strong black coffee in each of their right hands.
"Ah, better Kate. Thanks," Heyes said while flashing her an appreciative smile.
"Now, what were you doing?"
Kid raised his eyes to sheepishly look at his partner. "We was...trying to think of a birthday present for you," he nervously confessed.
"Yeah, Kid's telling you the truth, Kate. A birthday present."
"And all you could come up with was a drunken stupor?
"Well, Kate, you are the brains behind these stories," Heyes said, utilizing his silver tongue as best as he could muster on his own.
"Don't try to sweet-talk me, Heyes. It won't work."
"Kate, we didn't mean to get you all upset on your birthday," Kid said with the most sorrowful expression Kate had ever seen.
"Kid, I had big plans for the three of us and the pair of you have just ruined that. Who's idea was it to get plastered?"
Very worried blue and brown eyes met and remained locked.
"Mine," Kid confessed.
"But I didn't try to dissuade him," Heyes added.
Kate took a deep cleansing breath as she contemplated what to do to teach these two a sound lesson...
FIVE HOURS LATER
"Heyes, this water is freezing," Kid complained as he sat in the cold copper tub and the hotel attendant poured yet another bucket of ice cold water over his wet hair and goose-fleshed shoulders.
"I think it's called the revenge of a woman scorned, Kid," Heyes replied, and waited nervously for the bucket of cold water to befall his shoulders as well.
"Every inch of my skin looks like a prune Heyes."
"I think that was her intention, Kid."
"We are sorry, Kate. Honest," Kid said with teeth rattling.
"You won't go trying to think on your own again?" Kate asked.
"No, we swear," they answered in unison.
"Alright," Kate replied and stopped typing.
"Where are you going?" Heyes asked.
"I had to teach you two a lesson," Kate explained. "But it's my birthday, boys and the last thing I want to see is the results of your harsh lesson. I'm leaving. You think the two of you can managed to get dressed on your own?"
"Kate, we're sorry we ruined your birthday," Kid told her.
"Oh, you didn't Kid. You two might not know this, but I've written stories for another hero of mine, too. In fact...I'm having dinner tonight with...Sam Beckett."
Both men heard the door close as Kate left her little cubical office.
"Heyes, you think we should be worried?" Kid asked
"You mean about competition?"
Kid nodded.
"Kid, even when she's fighting mad, she puts you nekked in a bathtub... I think we're pretty secure."
"You know Heyes, I'm so cold, it's gonna take me all night just to warm up."
Heyes smiled. "Pretty sure that was her intention, Kid...She didn't want you out celebrating her birthday without her."
"How do you know so much about women, Heyes?"
Heyes smiled. "Not sure I do. But I think I understand Kate pretty well and, I think it's a pretty safe bet that just before midnight, we, or at least you, will be hearing the keys to that computer tapping fast and furiously."
Kid smiled as he climbed out of the tub. "Heyes, you think the hotel offers hot water bottles. Maybe I'd better find a way to warm up every last inch of me pretty quick."