Chapter#16: The vampire, the witch and the hotel

Before reading: Inés is pronounced as ee-NESH. (requested by a fellow reader)

They were in Brazil—Rio de Janeiro, to be more precise. She didn't have a map and the view from the plane's window was not exactly telling, but she knew the moment the black ink started to burn that they were reaching their destination. The teen also suspected that Alucard's blood was starting to slowly fade now because she could actually feel the pain a little this time and her eyesight was getting worse. Inés took out the pen and little notebook from one of her longcoat pockets and without looking away from the scenery the white fluffy cloud painted, she crossed another line off the paper.

"Going to Rio." She thought reluctantly. This was going to take longer and be harder to do than she had previously planned. When Integra had told her she was going to Rio, everything had become a blur of preparations and warnings until she'd found herself in a formal dress on a private jet with Alucard, Pip and Seras on their way to South America. On the one hand, the teen was elated to finally be advancing the plot but, on the other hand, she wasn't looking forward to what was going to happen once they got there. She observed her flying companions through the reflection on the glass and blinked lazily. At least she could look at the vampire if she got bored. He DID look good with long hair and a suit, and Inés wasn't going to try and fool herself thinking otherwise. "Goddamn leach and his goddamn attractiveness". It wasn't as easy as she thought to get rid of her stupid crush. At least it was just physical attraction and nothing more.

The girl finally tore her eyes away from the glass, blinking, and turned her head to take a direct look at the rest of her companions. Pip sat, his shoulders tense, on one side of the plane. He was trying and failing to be subtle about his scrutiny of the vampire. Speak of the devil, Alucard sat comfortably opposite of the mercenary with a now familiar smug grin and a glass of what she hoped was wine. Inés sat alone and neither of them seemed to mind. She was fine with this; for the moment she needed time to think about the next step she'd take. She reclined her head back into the seat, sleep slowly creeping its way into her tired form.

"Necesito descansar." She had been in this world for several days now and she was still to have some proper sleep. Sure, her wounds were completely healed and she didn't look unhealthy, but she was mentally exhausted and passing out could hardly count as undisturbed sleep. Inés frowned; she'd been doing that far too many times for the past week. Closing her eyes with a sigh, she remembered the last steps that had brought her there, missing the glance the vampire sent her way when she had spoken out loud.

She was back in the dark void—no taunting voice this time, though. She could barely see her own hands, if she had them, because Inés had no awareness of her physical form or anything around her. With nothing to do but stare at the never-ending darkness, the girl started to walk forward, a strange feeling of confidence and calmness overtaking her.

After what she felt were hours or maybe mere minutes of just walking in the dark, she got tired of not finding anything and decided to turn around and go back to the beginning. Besides, a deep feeling of anxiety was slowly creeping into her. She did just that, but where there had been nothing but darkness before now stood a yellow police tape. Inés looked both sides trying to find its ends or its owner but found neither of them. The teen got as close as she dared to the tape with the idea of jumping over it. However, when she was about to do it her gut stopped her. She had come from that path, but now something told her there was no path anymore. Weirded out and somehow scared, Inés turned around again to continue on her not-so-merry way. Should she be getting used to stranger things happening? She was sure there had been no door there a minute ago. She reached for the knob with trembling hands and quickly swung it open to a small square and sterile-looking room, a table and a chair its only inhabitants, illuminated by what she recognized to be a desk lamp. The girl felt compelled to sit down and, since the door was no more, she did just that.

"Oneiric realms can be quite tricky, can they not? My last time here there were melting clocks and long-legged elephants."

Inés lifted her head so fast that her neck would have hurt had she been awake. In front of her there was now an old woman seated on an armchair while drinking hot chocolate. Inés opened her mouth, but closed it after just a few moments. The woman's eyes never strayed from hers as she took a sip of the brown liquid.

"Don't bother, you cannot talk. The average person doesn't have the power to do so, anyways. You have questions, I have answers. But we don't have much time, so let me go straight to the point. You've fucked up big time, girl."

She took another sip and set a chicken-shaped kitchen timer, placing it on the table.

"You interrupted my spell that night and thus you're here. I'm not getting into details you wouldn't probably understand, but basically you have an objective." She arched her eyebrows while looking downwards and back at her. Taking the hint, Inés repeated her gesture and found her list on the table in her handwriting. "Complete the tasks and you'll be back home, get it? Don't complete them and you're here forever. And before you entertain any fantasies, this time is not fiction. You die, you're dead; you take three months, that's three months your missing at home."

The timer set off with a loud ringing noise.

"Seems like our time is up, girl. I'll be seeing you again." Her voice sounded distant at the end and the table, walls and everything that surrounded the teen became less and less tangible.

"AH!" Inés woke with a start "AH!", indeed, head-butting the person over her. A loud hiss could be heard with a string of muttered curses. Rubbing her sore forehead, she looked around to find herself still on the plane. Pip was carrying the luggage out along with three other men and Alucard was half-sprawled on the seat in front of her, sporting a bleeding nose and a murderous look.

"Wake up and move, girl. We have landed." His gaze turned curious when all he got from her was a blank look and a nod. "Odd…" He watched as she got off the plane without a word. He readjusted his fallen glasses and followed her, wondering what was going on in his little human's head.

So they were here. The hotel was, well… grand. Inés had never seen anything so luxurious in all her life, but her mind seemed to tune it all out in favor of going through her weird dream over and over again. With a short look at the scenery, she decided the mercenary and company were being too loud and were attracting too much attention to themselves, so she slowly walked in the other direction, her heels clicking with each step until she joined Alucard at the counter table just as he was about to hypnotize the poor boy. She watched half-fascinated and half-creeped out how easy it was for him to do his voodoo-like stuff and silently agreed she'd rather not be at the end of that pointing finger anytime soon.

Alucard took the keys offered by the smiling ginger with surprising gentleness and proceeded to go to the nearest elevator, not without staring at the girl before doing so. She was eyeing him with curious but otherwise dead eyes. He frowned and wondered what had happened for her to go from her usual annoying self to this quiet version of herself. Not that he cared, he added as an afterthought, but it somehow bothered him to see her so dead-like, it was no fun. Seeing as she was still spaced out, he put his hand on her back to guide her to the elevator and to their room. Their room… Together for an undetermined amount of time. The Midian grinned. It would be perfect to put his plan into action; he was not someone to lose a war.

The Spanish girl had regained her senses sometime during their trip to the upper floor and after slapping his hand and face away had proceeded to ignore him all the way to the room. Currently, she was hurriedly going through her stuff that was sprayed all over the room thanks to the clumsy helper who had dropped her opened suitcase. She picked up thing by thing quickly as Alucard watched her from the armchair he had proclaimed as his. He'd been sitting there, swinging his glass for the last half an hour and his overly calm behavior and following eyes were starting to make her anxious. Then, as if reading her mind, he stood up and walked towards his coffin, moving it to the right side of the room where the sun didn't shine as bright. Too distracted by this, Inés didn't notice the sticking iron that protruded from the sofa and she ended up cutting her palm, some of her blood falling into the wine glass. This didn't go unnoticed by her, but she let it go, having more important problems like checking her fresh wound.

"Damn it... Of all the places I could put my hand on..." She headed for the bathroom to clean the cut and when she came out she found him sitting again, glass in his hand. He took a quick sip. The vampire watched intensely the red liquid as if pondering something and then took another sip. And then an awkward silence followed.

"Are you feeling okay, Alucard?" she said, still searching through her stuff furiously but more interested in him now.

"Quite fine actually, girl." Another sip, another long pause. "Are you still thinking about that?" THAT being the almost kiss he'd tried to go for in the elevator. His voice was becoming more of a whisper with each sentence he said.

"A bit... Well, I could tell you actually enjoyed it quite a bit," she said without sparing a glance at him, too busy looking for something to wear when she took her much needed shower. She settled for another dress among all the fancy clothes she had been given for the mission and set it on the bed.
"Mmm..." The red wine was completely gone in the big glass that rested on the gloved hand of the vampire as he twirled it. His glasses forgotten somewhere on the coffee table, he stared at the teen through the translucent material, eyes glowing. "So what if I did?" At that, Inés stopped abruptly and stood still for a second only to start searching once again slowly and carefully.

"Of course you liked it," she finally whispered.

"What?" he said nonchalantly. She had to remind herself he could hear better than anyone.

"I mean, of course you liked it. You haven't had some for what? 200 years?" She said, giggling and covering her mouth with her hands. Until she felt trapped between the table and a vampire king.

"Does it amuse you?" he whispered in her ear, his long black hair cascading down his back and her chest, wrapping them in a cloud of dark waves of black. He stumbled away from her and put the empty glass next to his glasses, almost tripping with the sofa.
"No. But I kind of pity you. I mean, vampire or not, you're still a man and 200 years is a long time without... you know," she said, approaching the bed quietly, where the gun Integra had given her rested. But her hopes didn't last long when she realized the magazine was empty. "Shit." Suddenly, two strong arms caged her on the spot.

"We can fix that," he said, brushing back tenderly a strand of her hair that had come loose. His hand kept going up until it reached the small ribbon and undid it, letting her hair fall from the high bun. Then it went down, brushing her neck. While doing so, his blurry and slightly unfocused eyes were glued to the path that his fingers traced. His other hand joined its twin taking a hold of the girl's back while his partially open mouth came closer to her neck, making Inés hold her breath. But before his lips touched the pale skin, his forehead took their place on her shoulder.

"Hehehe~." He laughed with a stupid smile plastered on his face. "You know, you're kind of pretty..." He took a deep breath as if he lacked unneeded air. "And you have a nice body, too." Husky voice and wondering hands were the warning she needed to wake up.

"Alucard. Alucard, stop. I'm 17 and I think you are drunk," she said, halfheartedly, prying his arms away with relative ease only for them to be replaced again on her body. He made an attempt on biting her again and this time she didn't have an escape, his mouth was coming closer and closer and she was at a loss of ideas to stop him. Before they knew what was going on, they were kissing again, but this time she had done it on purpose.

He lifted her up, almost dropping her in the process, still kissing her, and threw her on top of the small coffee table knocking the empty wine glass and the orange-tinted glasses to the polished floor in the process. A surprised gasp escaped her as her back collided with the hard-wood surface and the kiss was finally broken, allowing her to breathe. Her whole face was tinted red from the lack of oxygen and the ministrations she was receiving, her breath was shaky and fast and a warm feeling pulsed through her as he descended; more like he tripped and fell over her in an awkward position due to the height difference, pressing himself against her body and leaning closer to kiss her again. By the time their second kiss ended they were both panting hard, their chests rising and falling violently, she did it in order to push some fresh air into them; his was a completely different reason. He couldn't think straight as his vision turned foggy the longer he stared at her flushed flesh. He didn't know what was happening to him, though the answer came to him when his eyes darted to the glass shards, but he couldn't care less now. He looked at the young woman lying beneath him again. Damn, he was enjoying himself greatly. He hadn't imagined seducing his little human would be THIS entertaining. She looked furious, had he said that out loud? He was quickly distracted, though, by her now red shallow lips that were teasing him to kiss her again, and so he clumsily closed the small distance between them only for his hand to slip and for him to end up kissing her neck instead. An angry growl left his throat before a content purr took its place when she shivered under him at the contact.

Her fingers intertwined with the dark locks lifting his head a bit, the other hand rested on his chest, keeping him from crushing her with his weight. Taking advantage of their position, he put his left knee on the table so he was also on it, while his other leg supported him on the floor since the furniture wasn't big enough for the two of them. Apparently it wasn't strong enough either, for it gave up under them, sending the girl to the floor with a yelp. Obviously not affected by this mishap, he lifted her hips, pulled her skirt up and smirked when she softly moaned as he pressed himself against her. Yep, he was still good at this, he thought dumbly while the smirk remained plastered on his somehow sweaty face. Although she must admit it looked more of a drunken smile than his usually crazy one. It was then when she remembered he had drunk her blood again, so he probably didn't know what he was doing, or maybe he did know judging by his comment. What did he think this was? A game?

She looked at his heavily lidded eyes and was about to say something until she felt his hands roaming her body again in a slow teasing way and his hips pressed further so she could feel EVERYTHING even with their clothes still on.

"Fuck it." Her perverted side came back with a vengeance, so she just reached out to kiss him yet again, hands on both sides of his face.

Then the door slammed open. She stopped, lips still in 'kiss pose' and brown eyes directed towards Pip, who now stood on the doorway looking as if he had just walked into two people having sex. Which was what would have happened, hadn't he entered the room... Probably.

"This..." The Spanish girl began "...Is exactly what it looks like."

She closed the door of the bathroom and sighed heavily leaning against it. Pip took off running after seeing them and now she had to go to the bar alone. He had promised he would take her and Seras out when he found out it was her birthday. Furthermore, she was sweaty and her hair was tangled and covered in wine and dust. Looking at her bedraggled reflection, Inés decided to take that shower now, not caring nor realizing she had forgotten to take the clothes from the bed. Once finished, she locked herself in the bathroom and changed the wet towel for a new dry fluffy one.

"Damn hotels, why can't they have robes?" she said to herself. She suddenly stopped and listened closely. Nothing, she could hear nothing. Had they all left her behind? She came closer to the door, shyly. She reached for the knob. "Ah!" Three steady knocks came from the other side followed by a familiar voice. She almost jumped to the ceiling, getting away from the damn piece of wood. "Girl, stop being childish. Come out, we need to talk," he said in a surprising calm and sweet voice.

"No longer drunk…it seems the effect only last for a few moments," she pondered.

"N-no, I can't," Inés said looking down at her towel-covered body as if that was explanation enough, clearly no one could see her doing that. Except for the head-popping out of the door that's it.

"Girl, don't try my patience."

"Ahhhgg! The fuck!"

Alucard had finished entering the room and reached for her but she kept backing away till her back hit the cold wall.

"Don't touch me," she said, trapped between the huge man who had both his arms at the sides of her head and the wall. He looked down at her trembling form and sighed loudly. Great, now she was afraid of him. He didn't like her this way, it wasn't fun. How was he supposed to protect (and have fun with) her if she didn't want to stay close to him? He reached for her again only to have a wet fist collide with his face, sending him backwards. "If I say don't touch me, you don't touch me!" The girl was standing her ground now, but it was quite obvious she was still scared. Soft deep growls came out of his chest as he started to tremble. "What kind of moron am I?" she said, looking at her hurting hand. That's when the growls became laughter.

"Hahahahahah, that's the spirit, my little human!" He stood up, still laughing and wiping his nonexistent tears as well as his very existent blood from his nose. "Come, and don't do that again. This is the second time," he said, sternly offering his hand. It seemed as if he didn't remember anything. "The night is young and the fight has just begun."

She took his hand and readjusted the towel.

"I'm still naked..."

He stared at her wet body for a moment, only covered by the thin cloth. Then he smirked.

"What have I gotten myself into..."

He had followed Inés to what appeared to be a big building in the middle of one of the main streets. Muffled music could be heard from inside even with all the doors closed and deep purple and blue lights shone through the small windows, a group of people were gathered on its entrance. The vampire growled. Leave it to the human girl to go alone to a club in the middle of a dangerous mission, but then again, she shouldn't have been alone. The mercenary should have been with her if he hadn't run away before. Alucard found himself cursing under his breath when he thought about the events that had led to this situation. He snapped back into the present as a couple of obviously intoxicated women eyed him with a mix of interest and fear. Sneering at them, he took in his appearance and gritted his teeth. He couldn't go inside looking like that or Inés would quickly recognize him and run away again. Not caring if anyone saw him or not, his shadows came up to surround him and slowly change his form. Once that was done, he reminded himself he was doing this to protect the girl as his master had ordered before reaching for the door and swinging it open. However, he couldn't stop thinking about how his plans had taken a turn for the worse that afternoon, such a turn the woman he was allegedly seducing ran away from him. This was harder than he remembered.

She was dancing like there was no tomorrow, with not a care in the world and laughing harder than she had ever done in the week she'd been in Hellsing. The alcohol had probably helped to take care of her inhibitions and problems, but for now Inés was having fun. If her short black dress was riding up her thigh, her feet were hurting because of the high heels and her hair was a bit sweaty, she didn't care. The pounding music was distorted in her ears and a pleasant and warm feeling spread through her body, making her a bit more confident and bold that she would normally be in these situations. So, in summary, she was a hyper teenager with energy, rum and a need for fun coursing through her body. The only thing she missed was someone to share it all with and the pretty short girl that was currently eyeing her would do just fine. Maybe if Inés had been sober she would have seen another thing. Making her way with a bit of difficulty through the sea of drunken people, drink still in hand, the Spanish girl found herself in front of the person she had decided to be her partner in crime for the night. The girl in question was calmly sitting on one of the few free stools near the bar, her own drink next to her and her eyes trained on Inés with a feeling she couldn't quite pinpoint. They made eye contact and before either of them knew it, the teen was crashing their lips, a fist tight around the white scarf of her victim and the other holding out the glass of liquor. When they were finished there was an audible swallow from the mysterious girl. Inés moved away, walking to a newly vacated sofa, indicating to the girl to follow her. She downed her own drink in one swing and shakily sat with the taller woman who clearly was intoxicated. This one cornered her and gently started to pet her hair lovingly while the other hand traveled up her thigh. She retreated until her back hit the end if the furniture.

"I...I..." The black-haired girl stuttered while searching frenetically for something to say. This was new to her; usually she was the one making the advances.

"Don't you want this?" Inés asked, concerned. "Because I could swear you were eyeing me like candy before."

"Yes! I mean, no." Damn it all! She did want it, but not like this. She was supposed to be the one winning, not the other way around. This hadn't happened to her since… She quickly shook away those painful thoughts. Readjusting her fluffy white hat to regain some dignity, she sat up a bit straighter and looked directly into the other woman's eyes. Inés seemed to see a flicker of red in her dark eyes, though it may have as well been a trick of the ever-changing lights of the pub.

"Oh, so sorry, then." She backed away taking a sip of her own drink. There was a pregnant pause in which both of the girls looked as if they wanted to say something. Inés beat her to it. "You know, today it's my birthday. 18, I'm legally an adult. I always thought it would be a huge party with friends and family but here I am, alone and having a shitty time, so I decided to come here for some fun, you know? I'm sorry I've made you uncomfortable." Maybe it was the glimmer in her eyes as she distantly observed the now empty glass, but there was a glint of something in there and in the way she sobered up at the mention of her problems that compelled her to speak.

"No, it's just... I lost someone and now I'm not ready for this," she said. "And I will never be again." Her own eyes had become distant as if recalling a really old memory.

"You know," Inés answered. "This might sound a bit cliché but, while looking into the past the way you are doing, you are missing the present and what it has to offer." She was listening, but it was clear that she didn't care for what she had to say. The teen frowned and continued none the less. "You may live through everything, but other things or other people won't, and they will pass and fade before your eyes and you won't even notice. Then there will be a day when these things you don't care about now will become the past that you are yearning for." The white-clad girl kept on looking away, although a bit more stiffly. Inés watched her in silence for a moment before letting a long and tired sigh escape her lips. She didn't know why she was giving this speech to a complete stranger, but she really did look troubled. "If you want my advice, instead of focusing on sad memories of what could have been or happened, you should be making new happy ones so when you look back, you'll have something worth remembering." Her reddish eyes were growing wider with each word coming out from her mouth. She was surprised to discover she had... layers. Not just a silly teenager, but a mature woman with feelings and worries. Every word hit home on a level she wasn't used to. With a quick kiss to the cheek, she was left alone.

With a last glance towards the short girl, Inés stood up and walked away and out of the club, closing the door with an inaudible click that seemed to echo through the noisy building and right into her ears. Once the light steps ceased and she was sure that the young woman was completely gone, she set her blazing red eyes on the path she had taken.

"From all the humans I could have gotten... I had to end up with the wise one," She gave a dry laugh rising from the plush chair she had been sitting on until then. "I think it's time to do something. After all, I wouldn't want to miss you now, would I?" With that resolution in his head, she melted into the shadows towards the trail of the Spanish girl. She had a little human to find.

It was warm and nice outside the club, although Inés would have preferred it to be cold so she could get rid of the cloud of alcohol that still blurred her eyes and judgement. She took deep breaths and hugged herself while her mind replayed the prior events. She sighed and sat down a small wooden bench. In her state she didn't register the possible danger of a young woman staying alone in the middle of the night, more so with a Nazi vampire running free. What she took notice of was the lack of people, she was the only person in the area, or so she thought.

"Excuse me. I couldn't help but to follow you out of that bar. You are simply magnificent." A man's voice said from somewhere at her right. She blinked a couple of times to focus and finally could see the silhouette of a lean and tall man wearing what seemed to be a fedora. He was tanned and a moustache covered part of his upper lip. She had the same feeling of familiarity that she had felt with the girl, but she couldn't put her finger on what it was.

Before she knew it, the man was just a few inches away from her and his hand had latched onto her upper arm, nails digging painfully. Startled, Inés tried to free herself but his grip was strong, too strong. It was then that through the fog of her state she remembered the dude who was the villain of this part of the story and, unfortunately, it fit to perfection the description of the man currently seizing her up.

"I insist that you come with me, señorita. My boss would love to have a chat with you." He grabbed her and in a quick flowing move he had her over his shoulder.

He was not the only one following her, though. The girl from the bar had gone after her, too, and seeing her with another man so soon after she had flirted with her irritated the girl to no end. However, after taking a closer look at the situation, she doubted Inés would try and flirt with a vampire who was trying to kidnap her. She gritted her teeth and charged towards the fool.

She tapped the free shoulder of the brown-clad man and not waiting for an excuse, raked her sharp claws across his chest and part of his face. The vampire screamed in agony and dropped the teen who was quickly sobering up.

"Who the hell are you?!" When he noticed the small child-like girl in front of him, his face changed completely. "Little girls should stay away from grown up stuff, you runt." Reading a single card to take this nuisance in a quick blow, he didn't notice the creeping shadows that were starting to form around them.

"Oh? I believe I have to agree with that. We should leave the girl out of this." The surprisingly deep voice that came out of her mouth did not match the look or the previous voice of the innocent looking girl. Her red eyes were also a new discovery to the confused vampire. "And here I thought I would have fun this time, but it seems you are just as pathetic as the rest of your group, Millennium." The face of what Inés now was sure was Tubalcain Alhambra (though why he had the name of a building she would never know) twisted into something frightening with a mix between a grin and a growl.

"May I presume you are the famous Alucard? I dare say I expected something… bigger." Tubalcain mocked, taking out two more cards and getting into a battle stance. "Let us dance, then."

Meanwhile, Inés had been silently watching the whole scene play out before her eyes. She had one way or another met the last person she wanted to meet on this accursed trip and, on top of that, the girl she had kissed and flirted with was fucking Alucard. Could her life go any more to hell? She sat up, slowly trying not to vomit, although whether from the alcohol or the sudden feeling of nausea that invaded her at that moment, she didn't know. Paying attention to the fight again, she could easily tell Alucard was winning despite the many wounds and blood that covered her-his—she corrected herself—once white coat. Alhambra might been a powerful vampire if compared to others, but if you took a closer look the first signs of tiredness were beginning to show on his stance. His shots were not as precise, and although they hit their mark, a.k.a. The Jerk's body, they were not hitting any vital points. On the other side of the battlefield, Alucard was having a great time. It was obvious this vampire was an upper class but still, Alucard was Alucard and in the end he would win over the card freak.

Sooner than later, The No-Life king had the trembling vampire by the neck, legs flailing under him in an attempt to reach the floor to no avail. The teen knew what was going to happen now; The Jerk would bite the card freak and learn about Millennium and they would go back to London to the Queen's meeting. She would have another thing crossed out of the list, then. She couldn't stop thinking about how the fight had been way too short and different from the comics and yet again wondered if her presence was changing things. She just hoped they didn't change too much. Feeling more stable now, Inés stood up slowly with the help of the bench and fixed her stare on the blue flames that now engulfed the still-a-girl Midian. Once those were gone and the street was once more covered in darkness, he faced her carefully and made the attempt of reaching for her only to have her backing away with what he could only presume to be distrust and anger in her eyes.

Not a moment later and as if it was almost scripted, Pip and Seras appeared driving a black car—another difference. Once inside, Inés and Alucard were forced to sit side by side seeing as Pip was on the wheel and Seras on the passenger seat, being none the wiser about their situation. It was an awkward trip to the motel to say the least and neither of them looked at the other, with just a snide comment from the Spanish asking if his keeping the girl form was some kind of cruel joke. Was it, though? The vampire didn't know exactly why he did it; he knew he just couldn't forget the image of that conversation at the bar. Leaning against his hand, he closed his eyes in exasperation. This war was going to be harder to win than he thought.

Translations:

Necesito descansar - I need rest

Väl Apple here! Sorry for the late update but to compensate you, my lovely readers, this was a longer chapter than usual :3

Also, quick note: I created an Instagram account at last! Tpr_aple I will post there my drawings and also some fanart of this fic when I make it.

As always, thank you for your support and enjoy!