A/N: ***WARNING*** This chapter contains a brief allusion to child endangerment. Please skip if you are sensitive to this sort of content.
I see Fitz still isn't getting any love from most of the reviewers. Dee, a whip? SMH. Justbecsuseican43, Chapter 11 will elaborate on what Rev. Walker told Fitz about the changing gender roles in a marriage. YELLOW JESUS, Chapter 12 touches on the notion of women walking away. LUH, lots of good points. Michelle, interesting book about the AA journalist. If you don't mind, please send me the title. Now let's see why Olivia left and where she is. Enjoying the reviews. Here we go!
Chapter 9. Mirage
Day 1
Although Fitz is upstairs in their bedroom and Olivia is downstairs in the well-appointed guest room, it feels like the distance that separates them can be measured in miles and not by the long hallway and a staircase that physically divides them. They both crossed lines and attacked and counter attacked each other with impunity. The knock-down and drag-out fight was unlike anything they had experienced in their six years of marriage and neither knows if they can recover.
With knees pulled close to her chest, Olivia sniffles and leans against the headboard of the plush, queen-size bed waiting for the sun to rise. But she knows the sun does not rise nor does it set, it is always in the same position. She shakes her head at the random thought. She is exhausted, bone tired actually, and is unable to turn off her brain. It has been on overdrive all night thinking about her marriage, her career, and possibly being pregnant.
She looks around the moonlit room and chuckles mirthlessly as she remembers the many days they spent in this room trying to decide on the color scheme and suitable furniture for their guests - and that was five years ago. She shakes her head thinking never in a million years would she have imagined this room would one day become a refuge from her husband. Tired of tossing and turning and thinking, Olivia quietly leaves the house at the crack of dawn, long before he comes downstairs. She cannot face him, not after last night. Not after all of the hurtful things that were said.
As she sits in the waiting room at Dr. Perry's office she wonders how they got to the place where they could say such awful things to each other. She wonders when it all went wrong. She wonders when love stopped being enough.
Flashback
"I want lots and lots of babies, Liv. I've always wanted a big family", his eyes dazzle in the dark as he lay atop her in the bed in her tiny apartment.
"How many babies are you talking about, Fitz?" Enjoying the glorious attention her fiancé is giving her body.
"Four or five", he says, kissing down her stomach.
"Four or five, hunh?" She giggles.
"Yes, four or five – leaning toward five." He says breathlessly as he kisses her inner thighs.
Olivia runs her foot up and down his back, resting it on his firm butt and anticipating his next moves.
"I love children too Fitz but four or five sounds like an awful lot."
He runs his tongue around her outer lips and she begins to moan. Then he spread her wide and gives her a few leisurely licks and she moves against his mouth, needing more.
"You have to agree" using the tip of his tongue to do wondrous things to her body.
She raises her bottom from the bed silently pleading for him to take all of her into his mouth.
"Four or five", she says breathlessly. "Four or five babies."
And his lips clamp down and he sucks and sucks and sucks until she screams out in pleasure.
End Flashback
"Mrs. Grant."
Diane, the technician, calls out shaking Olivia from her reverie. Olivia smiles politely and follows the woman to the examination room to prepare for the familiar process. She hangs her purse on the hook fastened to the wall and steps onto the scale. Diane notes her weight then takes Olivia's temperature and blood pressure and records the data in her chart.
"Dr. Perry will be in shortly", Diane says, smiling kindly as she places the chart into the file holder hanging on the back of the door before leaving the room.
Left alone with her thoughts in the cold, sterile room Olivia tries various tactics to distract herself from everything that has been weighing on her mind throughout the night. She glances around the small room and chuckles slightly, thinking it is ridiculous that the examination table takes up half the space. She looks over at the counter holding the glass jars of cotton balls, swabs, bandages, gauze, and other medical supplies and wonders if she has cotton balls at home. After about 10 minutes of surveying the room, she hears a light knock on the door and the silver-haired, slightly balding, bespectacled doctor enters the room.
"Olivia", extending a handshake. "It is so good to see you again", sitting on the small stool across from her.
"It's good to see you too Dr. Perry", giving him a weak smile.
"So how is that beautiful little girl of yours? Cena is about four now, right?"
"Yes, Cena is now four and she is doing well - getting bigger every day."
"Good - good", rolling the stool toward her. "And how is Fitz?" He asks, examining the sides of her neck with his warm hands.
"Fitz is fine."
"Good – good", listening to her heart and lungs with the stethoscope. Dr. Perry pushes back the stool and looks at Olivia with his warm, brown eyes.
"So what brings you here today, Olivia?"
"Well …" She glances nervously around the room. "I think I might be pregnant", she says softly.
"I see. And when did you have your last period?"
"About two months ago - I think. I've been so busy lately and I'm afraid I haven't been tracking it as closely as I should."
"Mhm. Well, we'll get some urine and blood and find out what's going on. Get undressed and I'll send Diane in to get some blood then I'll be back to do the exam."
Olivia smiles slightly and her phone begins to ring as Dr. Perry leaves the room. She sees that Fitz is calling and once again lets the call go to voice mail. She undresses quickly, changes into the flimsy gown, and waits for Diane. After Diane draws the blood, Olivia lay on the examination table and slides her feet into the stirrups, and a tear rolls from the corner of her eye and down the side of her face. She feels so alone. A few minutes later Dr. Perry returns and does a Pap smear and examines her breasts. Then he inserts two fingers into her vagina and she flinches.
"Relax Olivia", he says kindly as he holds his other hand on her abdomen, checking the size of her uterus and pelvis. The poking and prodding seems to go on forever.
"We're done here", Dr. Perry says, pulling off the latex gloves and tossing them into the waste bin. "You can get dressed now Olivia then meet me in my office."
Olivia dresses quickly, grabs her purse, and walks down the hall to the doctor's private office. As she sits in one of the chairs in front of the desk her phone rings again. Once again Fitz is calling so she turns off the phone. She looks at the empty chair next to her and wants to cry. Five years ago Fitz was sitting in that same chair holding her hand while they waited nervously for Dr. Perry to confirm the results of the five in home pregnancy tests he rushed out of the house to buy.
Dr. Perry opens her chart and reviews the results from the urine and blood tests. After a few moments he looks up, removes his eyeglasses, and sets them on top of the open folder. Olivia inhales deeply and digs her fingernails into the flesh of her palm.
"Olivia, the preliminary blood and urine tests and the internal examine confirm that you are six weeks pregnant. Congratulations, you and Fitz can expect to add to your family in another seven-and-a-half months", smiling politely.
Olivia digs her fingernails deeper into her palm as Dr. Perry confirms what she already knows.
"The internal exam showed no abnormalities in your uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. I will contact you if there is anything unusual when the full lab work comes back."
She is scared so she nods reflexively. Things are not going well between her and Fitz and this just is not a good time to bring another baby into their family. She also thinks about the problems she had in her third trimester when she was pregnant with Cena.
"Olivia dear, we must take precautions with this pregnancy and be aware of any early signs of depression."
She is in a daze so she nods when she thinks it is appropriate.
"You need to keep the stress in your life at a minimum - for the sake of you and your unborn child. Have you begun to experience any symptoms like before?"
Olivia rubs her temple and looks down at the phone in her lap and the tears begin to fall.
"I don't know. There is just so much going on right now, with work and –"
"Are things okay with you and Fitz?" Dr. Perry asks cautiously. He thinks it is odd that Fitz is not here with her.
"I don't know any more, Dr. Perry. Things have been tense between us lately."
"Does Fitz know that you suspected you are pregnant?"
Olivia shakes her head from side to side and wrings her hands, a nervous habit she noticed her daughter has adopted.
"Did you two ever discuss the emotional changes you experienced with your first pregnancy?"
"No, I didn't tell him because the feelings went away once I delivered Cena. I felt better - I felt like myself again."
"Olivia, although you didn't exhibit any signs of antenatal depression with your first pregnancy until you were well into your third trimester, you know the onset of depression can occur at any time during pregnancy."
She nods sadly.
"You must be prepared to experience some of those same symptoms again and you will need your husband to support you. Okay?"
Olivia nods again.
"You must manage your stress. Remember, emotional stress is your trigger."
She nods again thinking right now she is one big ball of stress.
"And Olivia, I want you to call me immediately if you start to experience any of the symptoms you had before or any new symptoms. Don't wait like the last time."
She nods.
"There are many interventions we can try to help get you through it. I don't want you to suffer."
Dr. Perry walks from around his desk and gives Olivia a fatherly hug.
"Everything is going to be all right. Okay?"
She nods and wipes her tears with the crumpled tissue.
"Stop at the front desk and make an appointment for your first prenatal visit in two months. I have sent over your prescription to the pharmacy so you should pick up the prenatal vitamins as soon as possible."
XXX
After work Olivia stops at the pharmacy to pick up her prescription, then goes to the grocery store to get something for dinner tonight, then she goes to her in-laws to get Cena. As she drives home she is thankful that Fitz will be out of town for two more days because she needs time away from him. She needs time to think about where they go from here. He wanting her to be a stay-at-home mom is one thing, but denigrating her work, well that is something altogether different. He apparently does not respect her work and, therefore, does not respect her. She shakes her head as she thinks about how they seem to be falling apart.
Olivia sets the grocery bags on top of the island in the kitchen and places the milk, orange juice, and eggs into the refrigerator. She pulls the apples, blueberries, and strawberries from the bag and drops them into the colander sitting in the copper sink. As the cool water runs over the fruit she sets the bananas onto the counter. She smiles when she thinks about how Cena likes to use cut-up fruit to make a happy face on top of her pancakes.
While Cena plays with her toys on the floor in the family room, Olivia blinks back the tears and slides the stainless steel chef's knife from the knife block. She feels like she has been under assault for the past few weeks by her husband, by her in-laws, and by the community she is trying to support. As she thinks about everything competing for her attention she grabs a Granny Smith apple from the colander and glides the razor-sharp knife effortlessly against the skin. The sound of the knife slicing through the fruit's firm skin and flesh and landing onto the wooden cutting board reverberates in her ears as she gets lost in her thoughts.
She thinks about her confrontation with Marcella and wonders if trying to help the community is worth all of the strife it is causing in her marriage. She wonders if she should continue to extend herself to the people of Springfield Heights if her work is not appreciated. She viciously slices another apple as the tears roll down her face.
She tosses the apple slices into the plastic container and sprinkles lemon juice over them and shakes her head when she thinks about the daily degradation she has to endure when she drops off Cena at her in-laws.
When she thinks about being pregnant again she grips the knife more tightly and violently slices the strawberries. She pauses for a moment and stares blankly as the fruit's red juice oozes down the sides of the cutting board and flows across the white granite countertop.
The blood rushing through her ears sounds vaguely like ocean waves crashing against rocks and her breathing becomes shallow. In the distance she faintly hears Cena singing and she grips the knife more tightly. As if in a trance, she turns and stares at her daughter playing innocently and the hand gripping the knife begins to shake uncontrollably.
Cena claps her hands seven times, the way Miss Johnson taught the children in Sunday School when they sing We Praise You Oh, Lord.
We praise You oh Lord
We magnify Your name
We worship You oh Lord
We magnify Your name
Everybody just clap your hands,
Everybody just clap your hands,
Everybody just clap your hands,
Everybody just clap your hands,
Everybody just clap your hands,
Everybody just clap your hands,
Everybody just clap your hands,
The clapping sound jerks Olivia from her trance, from her thoughts, and she gasps in horror. Cena looks up from her toys and sees her mother staring at her.
"Mommy, mommy", running into the kitchen and crashing into Olivia. Cena wraps her arms around the back of Olivia's thighs and smiles at her mother with the biggest toothless grin. "May I have fruit mommy, pleeeease?"
Olivia looks into her daughter's bright blue eyes and is terrified when she realizes the kinds of thoughts that were swirling around in her head. She stares at the knife she is clutching and covers her mouth with her other hand. The handle feels hot, like it is searing the flesh of her palm and she quickly throws it into the copper sink. She watches in horror as the expensive knife bangs around in the sink before settling at the bottom.
"Fruit mommy", Cena insists, pulling on Olivia's pants leg.
Olivia's eyes are wide as she looks at the little girl and she begins to cry.
"Don't cry mommy."
Olivia swoops up Cena and hugs her tightly, rocking her from side to side, and covering her face with kisses.
"Pucker mommy", holding her mother's face between her chubby hands the way daddy does.
"I love you, Cee. Mommy loves you so very much."
"Fruit mommy."
Olivia sets Cena on her stool at the island and places a small bowl of fruit in front of her.
"Cee, mommy has to make a phone call. Sit right here and don't move. Okay?" She says anxiously.
"Okay mommy", reaching into the bowl for a strawberry.
As Olivia hurries from the kitchen she hears Cena singing and clapping to We Praise You Oh, Lord. Her hand fumbles in her purse as she frantically tries to find her phone. She cannot remember where she put the thing when she got home earlier. Her fingers finally connect with the phone at the bottom of the purse and she pulls it out quickly and calls Dr. Perry, who insists she come back to his office immediately. She calls Abby and Rev. Walker and pleads with them to meet her at Dr. Perry's office right away. Then she runs up the long staircase to pack a bag for Cena.
XXX
"I'm sorry to inconvenience you and Gerry, but I need you to watch Cena for a few days", trying to appear calm.
"Is something wrong Olivia? Are you all right? Is Fitzgerald all right?"
"Everything is fine, Maura. Fitz is fine. He is out of town for a few more days and I have a deadline that's causing me to work all sorts of crazy hours and I cannot do that with Cee." She smiles convincingly.
"Well Olivia, maybe it's time you start cutting back on your hours and spend more time with your family", Maura says judgmentally.
"I would really appreciate it Maura – just for a few days - until I finish this project."
"Of course, Olivia. You know Gerry and I always love having our granddaughter stay with us."
"Thank you Maura", forcing another smile. But she really wants to cry when she looks down at her daughter who is holding the colorful monkey. "Cee, you're going to stay with Grams for a few days, okay?"
"Yay. We bake cookies, Grams?"
"Of course. Anything you want, Cena."
"Give me a hug, Cee. Mommy loves you – more than anything." Olivia kisses the little girl and squeezes her tighter than ever.
"Thank you, Maura. I will call you later."
"Don't work too hard, Olivia", Maura says, closing the door and walking Cena into the house.
XXX
When Olivia arrived at Dr. Perry's office Abby and Rev. Walker are already sitting in the waiting room. When Abby sees her distraught friend rush through the door she jumps from her seat with fear in her eyes.
"Olivia, what's the matter – what's wrong?" She asks with concern.
"Everything is falling apart Abby." And the tears begin to fall as she collapses into her friend's arms.
"What did Fitzgerald do?" Abby asks angrily. She knows Fitzgerald is the only person who can upset Olivia like this.
"Sit down child", Rev. Walker says, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders as he guides her to the chair.
Olivia sobs uncontrollably as she sits in the chair between Abby and Rev. Walker.
"Mrs. Grant", Nan, the receptionist, calls out and Olivia and Abby look up at the same time. "Dr. Perry is ready to see you now."
The three walk back to the doctor's private office where Olivia and Abby sit in the two chairs facing the desk. Rev. Walker lifts the chair positioned against a wall and sets it to the left of Olivia. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a fresh handkerchief and gives it to Olivia. Dr. Perry looks at Olivia who is visibly upset and wonders what could have happened since he saw her earlier this morning.
"Olivia dear", Dr. Perry begins, eyeing the agitated woman concern. "What has you so upset?"
Through the tears and for the next 15 minutes Olivia explains what happened when she was in the kitchen cutting up the fruit. She says she does not understand where the thoughts came from and swears she has never had those kinds of thoughts. She says she does not want anything to happen to Cena. She says she feels like she is losing her mind.
"Olivia, you are not losing your mind", Dr. Perry says gently. "Like with your first pregnancy you are suffering from antenatal depression. However, this time your symptoms have begun much earlier in your pregnancy than the last time, but that is not unusual."
Abby squeezes Olivia's hand lightly.
"But I am concerned about the kinds of thoughts you have begun to have", and the tears roll down her face. "Remember Olivia, they are just thoughts – not actions."
Rev. Walker nods as he holds Olivia's other hand.
"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything ever happened to Cena. Fitz would –"
"You did the right thing by calling me – by calling all of us right away."
Abby nods.
"Olivia, as we discussed, your antenatal depression stems from emotional and social stress. You said earlier that things have been tense between you and Fitz lately."
She looks down at her hands and nods and Abby eyes her closely.
"Is there anything else going on?"
"My workload has increased a lot and I am trying to do so much more with just one staff member. I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything really", she says tearfully.
"Olivia, as you know bringing a new person into the world is no easy task. Some expectant mothers worry about everything. Are the foods you eat healthy enough? Is it safe to exercise? How will you juggle work and parenthood and marriage once the baby arrives? Some stress during pregnancy is normal, just as it is during other times of life. But if stress becomes constant, the effects on you and your unborn baby could be lasting."
Olivia's eyes widen and she covers her mouth with her hand.
"Now - now child. Everything is going to be all right", Rev. Walker says.
"When we're stressed", Dr. Perry continues, "Our body goes into "fight or flight" mode - sending out a burst of cortisol and other stress hormones. These are the same hormones that surge when we are in danger. They prepare us to run by sending a blast of fuel to our muscles and makes our heart pump faster. If we can deal with our stress and move on, our stress response will recede and our body will go back into balance."
Rev. Walker nods, trying to process everything Dr. Perry is saying.
"But prolonged stress, Olivia, can be damaging – it can alter your body's stress management system. And, there are some data to show that higher chronic stressors in women and poor coping skills to deal with those stressors may cause expectant mothers to miscarry."
The tears spill over the hand covering her mouth and Abby rubs her back soothingly.
"Prolonged stress may be associated with babies being born prematurely and underweight. And, they are also more likely to experience developmental delays and metabolic diseases later in life."
Abby rubs her stomach absently.
"So Olivia, you can see why it is imperative that we get your stress under control."
Olivia nods in agreement, wanting to do whatever is necessary to protect both of her children.
"Therefore, I must recommend that you remove yourself from your stressful environment for awhile. You need to relax and learn how to get your body in balance."
"You mean leave my home – leave Cena?" She asks in disbelief.
"Yes. Cena needs you to be healthy, Olivia. It's also what's best for you and your unborn baby – your whole family."
And the sheets of tears run down her face.
"Where do you suggest Olivia go?" Rev. Walker asks.
"There is a state-of-the-art facility located a little over two hours away from here -up in the mountains - that specializes in helping people who are having difficulty coping with the day-to-day challenges of life."
"Is it a mental institution?" Olivia asks with fear in her voice.
"No, no – not at all. It's a private retreat. I have referred other patients there and they have had remarkable results after their stay. I have personally met the owner and have had the opportunity to tour the accommodations and the grounds a few years ago. It's an excellent facility and the owner and his staff are dedicated to helping their guests become healthy again. Olivia, today's woman is a mother, wife, lover, teacher, homemaker, business woman, and philanthropist. She tends to the needs of her family and community and rarely asks for much in return. Being a superwoman coupled with being pregnant can be overwhelming. And sometimes women just need a little time away to relax, renew, and replenish."
"So how long do you think Olivia will have to stay at this place?" Abby asks.
"Well that will be up to Olivia and Fitz, of course."
"Fitzgerald?" Abby screeches with contempt. "Why does he get a say? He's the primary cause of her stress."
"Mrs. Grant, while I am happy Olivia has a wonderful support system in both you and Rev. Walker, Fitz is Olivia's husband and he will be an integral part of her remaining healthy and stress-free when she returns home. By the way, where is your husband, Olivia?"
"Fitz is out of town for the next few days", wiping her face with the monogrammed handkerchief.
"I see. Then we should get him on the phone right away and let him know what is going on."
"No", Olivia interjects quickly. "I don't want Fitz to know anything about this. He will only insist I stay home and I need time away."
"Olivia, I wouldn't advise keeping this a secret from your husband. He will be concerned when he discovers you have left", Rev. Walker says.
"Rev. Walker, things are not good between Fitz and me right now."
Rev. Walker nods, but is unsure if Olivia is making the right decision. He believes, whenever possible, couples should work together to try to solve their marital problems.
"Fine – fine. I will support whatever you want to do, Olivia", patting her hand. "Shall I call Calvin and Gwendolyn?"
"Thank you Rev. Walker, but I don't want to involve my parents just yet."
Rev. Walker nods understandingly.
"So when do I leave, Dr. Perry?" Olivia asks nervously.
"Well I'll have to call Thaddeus and make the arrangements. After I speak with him then it will be up to you when you decide to leave. I suggest you not wait too long, Olivia."
"If you can make the arrangements I would like to leave in two days - before Fitz returns home."
"I don't think that will be a problem, but I will get back to you later this evening."
"Thank you", looking around at her support system. "I apologize for putting you all in the difficult position of keeping this secret from my husband."
Abby rolls her eyes because she does not have any qualms about keeping Olivia's secret from Fitzgerald.
"Let us all pray for Olivia before she leaves", Rev. Walker says as he stands and leads them in prayer.
XXX
Dr. Perry contacted the owner of Mirage and made the plans for Olivia's stay at the holistic facility. Mirage is a luxurious and intimate retreat that boasts 50 flawlessly designed private villas and bungalows. Guests come to the retreat to escape the stress of their everyday lives. They come to be taken care of and to relax and reflect. They come to learn skills to cope with their problems.
Mirage provides healthy gourmet meals and a myriad of ways to help guests achieve health and wellbeing through personalized emotional and spiritual counseling. They receive instruction in yoga and meditation, including techniques for energizing the body and calming the mind. They have access to a state-of-the-art fitness center with top-of-the-line exercise equipment and classes. And they encouraged to walk around the beautiful grounds to experience the healing power of nature. Guests can stay at the center as long as they choose, well, as long as they can afford to stay.
Day 2
The next morning Olivia and Abby sit in her family room planning her escape, planning how she will get away from her stressful situation without Fitz finding her.
"I'm scared, Abby. I don't know if I'll be able to come back home before the baby is born. I don't know when I can be around Cena again."
"Just take it one day at a time, Olivia."
"Am I doing the right thing, Abby?" She asks tearfully.
"Of course you are, sweetie. But you know Fitzgerald is going look for you when he finds the letter and realizes that you're gone."
"You can't tell him where I am, Abby. I need to get healthy and I can't do that if Fitz finds me."
"Do you think he'll be able to handle things around here while you're gone – take care of Cena?"
"He'll have to – he's a smart man, Abby. I'll tell him in the letter that Cena needs to stay with him as much as possible and not with his parents. She's going to need her father until …." And Olivia starts crying again. "My little girl is going to be so confused, Abby."
"Cena is going to be fine, Olivia. Fitzgerald loves that little girl more than anything. He won't let anything happen to her."
"Fitz is going to be so hurt and angry that I left without talking to him first."
"Olivia, you can't worry about that right now. This is not about Fitzgerald. This is about you getting better."
"Abby, Fitz is a good man. I still love him - with all of my heart - even though things have not been good between us lately."
"I understand, Olivia", trying not to roll her eyes. "Now let's figure out everything we need to do before you have to leave."
Olivia closes her eyes and thinks for a minute then looks down at the papers in her lap.
"I want to make sure Cena has everything she needs while I'm gone, Abby. I want everything to seem as normal as possible for her."
Abby nods.
"I'll make sure all of her clothes are clean and in her closet and drawers so Fitz can find them easily."
Abby nods.
"I'll make sure she has all of her favorite foods in the refrigerator and pantry."
Abby nods.
"I'll make sure all of her favorite toys and books are where she can find them easily. Oh - I have to buy more hair products for her too."
"Does Fitzgerald know how to style Cena's hair?"
"He's watched me do it many times, Abby. He can do it with practice."
"Is that it?"
"I think that's it for Cena. I have a list for Fitz too."
This time Abby does roll her eyes.
"I'll do all of his laundry and put it in our closet and in his drawers so he won't have to look for anything."
"I'll pick up his suits and shirts from the dry cleaners tomorrow. I'll stock the refrigerator and pantry with food for a couple of weeks and I'll get his favorite protein powder and that coffee he likes. I think he might need more shampoo and conditioner and shaving cream too."
"Do you ever stop taking care of that man?"
And the tears begin to flow again.
"I'm going to miss my family Abby - I miss them already. I don't know what I'm going to do without them."
"It's going to be okay, Olivia. They're going to be fine. Is there anything else?"
"I guess that's it", looking down at the papers in her hand.
"Okay, now let's figure out what you need to take."
"OK."
"And don't take too much - just the essentials. You don't want to leave any clues. I'll send you whatever you need once you are settled in at Mirage. Okay?"
"Abbs, I don't know what I would ever do without you. You're the best sister-in-law ever."
"Come on, Olivia. Let's pack everything you need before I start bawling like a baby", the brash redhead says.
Olivia smiles at her friend and squeezes her hand lightly.
"Okay. I have a list of the things I want to take with me. And Abby, I won't use any of Fitz' resources to pay for Mirage. I will use my own money to pay for everything."
"He owes you, Olivia."
"I won't use his money Abby and I can't use my credit cards either. He can track me if I use credit cards. I'm going to need your help and John can't know."
"He won't know a thing. I always keep a stash of cash and credit cards that Jonathan knows nothing about. A girl, married or not, always has to have her own money."
Abby wiggles her eyebrows and Olivia laughs out loud because Abby always has that effect on her.
"I have money Abby. I just need you to use your credit card to secure my stay at Mirage. I'll pay you in cash."
"Don't worry about the money Olivia - just get better. Besides, I know where to find you", Abby smiles at her friend.
"I'm so scared Abby", Olivia says softly. "This is not like before - I didn't have Cena then." She shakes her head in despair. "I could never forgive myself if I had –"
Abby holds Olivia's face between her hands and runs her thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away her tears.
"Stop that. You're a good mother, Olivia. And Cena is fine. And this baby is going to be fine."
"I feel horrible that you're helping me when you have your own pregnancy to think about."
"I'm fine, Olivia. You worry too much."
"I just wish I could be here to enjoy your pregnancy with you."
"We'll have plenty of time for that later. You just go and get better. Okay?"
Olivia nods.
Day 3
Olivia got up with the sun and cleaned the house from top to bottom, making sure everything is organized and in its place before she leaves. Satisfied the house has been thoroughly cleaned, she leaves to run the long list of errands. First she goes to the dry cleaners and picks up Fitz' suits and shirts. Then she goes to the grocery store to buy his and Cena's favorite foods and other staples. From there she goes to the health food store to buy Fitz' protein powder. When she returns home she places the food in the refrigerator and pantry and sets Fitz' coffee next to the coffee maker and his protein powder next to the blender.
After organizing the kitchen, Olivia goes upstairs to their bedroom and hangs Fitz' suits in their walk-in closet and sets his folded shirts on the shelf. She walks down the hall to Cena's bedroom and assesses her little girl's room, making sure she has placed all of her favorite toys and books where she can find them easily. She wipes away the tears as she glances around the room one last time before going down to the study to write the letter.
As she stuffs the letter into the envelope, she looks at her watch and frowns because she still has a lot to do before she leaves this afternoon. After placing the letter on Fitz' pillow, she grabs her small overnight bag from the foyer and looks around the space one last time before walking outside to Abby's waiting car.
First Abby drives her to The Pope Foundation to meet with Mona. Without giving her assistant any details Olivia explains she will be going away for awhile and asks Mona to manage the office until she returns. Mona is wise and understands that Olivia cannot give her any details about where she is going. She understands it is better this way, just in case anyone questions her later.
When Olivia left The Pope Foundation Abby drives her to their in-laws to get Cena. Abby parks the car down the street while Olivia walks up the steps to the house. Needless to say Maura is surprised to see Olivia.
"Olivia, this is a surprise. Is everything all right?"
"Everything is fine Maura. I forgot that Cena has a doctor's appointment today. I will bring her back in a few hours."
XXX
Olivia wanted her last day with her baby girl to be special so she allowed Cena to choose whatever she wanted to do. She wants her daughter to have happy memories of their time together because she does not know when they will see each other again. Cena wanted to go to the park and play on the slides and swings. She wanted to feed the ducks the way she does when she comes to the park with mommy and daddy. And she wanted to eat ice cream. And that's exactly what they did; played on the slides and swings, fed the ducks, and ate ice cream. After spending a few hours at the park Olivia dropped off Cena at her in-laws then she and Abby made the two-hour drive to Mirage.
XXX
Rochelle, Mona's sister, called her this morning and told her that the Springfield Heights residents are still talking about ousting Marcella as president of their community organization. Things are getting out of control and all of the good work that has been done so far to help that community is in danger of being destroyed.
After Mona closed The Pope Foundation for the day she caught the 33 bus over to Springfield Heights because she needs to talk to Marcella about the incident that occurred between her and Olivia. As Mona walks down the hall of the community center she sees Marcella going into her small office and she calls out to the young woman.
"Marcella, can we talk?"
Marcella turns around and groans silently because she knows why Mona is here. She nods reluctantly and beckons Mona to come into the office.
"I guess I know why you're here, Mona", Marcella says grumpily.
"Good, then I'll get right to it. Marcella, you were wrong. What you said to Olivia was mean and spiteful. She has been nothing but helpful to this community and to you."
"Well we don't need her kind of help or want her help. She's coming up in here trying to take over. She thinks she's better than us", she says bitterly.
"Do the residents feel that way or just you, Marcella?"
Marcella ignores the question.
"She lives way out in the suburbs – in that big house with that husband of hers - but she wants to come over here and tell us what to do."
"That's where you're wrong. Olivia has no interest in telling you what to do or displacing you. That's really what this is all about – isn't it? You're afraid of losing your position in the community."
"I'm not afraid of anything or anybody", Marcella snaps.
"Marcella, if you truly want to help this community – want to stop our babies from being poisoned - then you need to check your ego and personal agenda and work with Olivia."
Marcella rolls her eyes because the last thing she wants to do is work with that woman.
"Marcella, you are a beautiful and bright woman who has so much potential. You have no reason to fear Olivia. Yes she has a beautiful family and lives in a nice home, but we are all dealing with our issues."
Marcella rolls her eyes.
"Marcella, you're a passionate activist who has been working hard to support your community. But unfortunately passion and hard work are not enough to get the results this community needs. Quite frankly, your passion can become an annoyance to those you are trying to serve and to those whose help you need. If you don't properly channel that passion– if you don't learn how to use it to advance your work – then you are going to self-destruct."
Marcella twists her lips because she is not interested in hearing anything the woman has to say.
"Going to City Council every week with your bullhorn gets you nowhere and it doesn't get the residents what they desperately need."
"Those Council people listen to me", she says sharply.
"Baby, you're trying to play the game of politics without knowing the rules. And you don't just learn the rules by chance. You need someone to help you to understand the rules of engagement."
"And I guess that would be Mrs. Grant because she's married to that powerful husband?"
"Olivia's success has nothing to do with whom she is married to. She is bright and she has relationships with policymakers that you don't have, Marcella."
Marcella sighs heavily and walks over to the desk and begins to straighten the already straight papers.
"You know Marcella, until you get over who Olivia chooses to love – who she chose to marry – you're not going to be successful here."
Marcella rolls her eyes and looks away from Mona.
"Why do you even care who Olivia is married to? What does her husband have to do with the good work she is doing for this community?"
"Because women like her always get everything. Life is always so easy for them. She has her fancy talk. Her fancy husband. Her fancy house. Her fancy daughter. What the hell do I have, Mona?"
"All of my life I've had to work hard. And what do I have to show for it? You know I also live in one of those houses that's contaminated with lead. And she just breezes in here and says a few fancy words then breezes back over to that fancy house of hers. She can come and go at will Mona, but I'm stuck here. So no I don't like her and I don't like what she represents."
The tears streaming down Marcella's face represent a lifetime of anger, hurt, and disappointment.
"Marcella, that anger – that rage you have in you is going to eat you up alive if you don't do something about it."
Marcella angrily swipes the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She does not like letting people see her vulnerable.
"Olivia hasn't done anything wrong. She's just a reminder of everything you hoped to become and you're taking out your resentments and anger on her."
"That's not –"
"It is true. Stop denying shit, Marcella!"
Marcella looks at Mona in surprise because she knows the woman rarely cusses.
"It's not too late for you to become who you always dreamed of becoming – it's never too late. Take that anger, rage, fire, and passion and use it for good. Use it to help this community. But if you don't – if you continue to behave the way you did at the meeting with Olivia - trying to bully people - then you will lose the respect and trust of the people you are trying to help. Every last one of them will wonder when you will come gunning for them the way you did Olivia - and they won't have any more to do with you."
Marcella looks at Mona for a long time and Mona can see the young woman is thinking hard about what she said. She sees that Marcella is beginning to understand how her behavior might be detrimental to what she is trying to accomplish. This is Marcella's moment of truth. She can either choose to remain in her anger or release it so she can move forward and truly help the community and help herself.
"OK. I'll try it your way, Mona. I'll work with Mrs. Grant."
"Good. You've made the right decision for everyone. You know Marcella, you and Olivia have more in common than you think."
"I'll call Mrs. Grant tomorrow and apologize", she says sheepishly.
"Olivia will be away for a while. I'll let you know when she gets back in town."
"Away on a fancy vacation I bet", Marcella says half joking.
Mona shoots her a didn't-we-just- have-this-conversation look.
"I was just joking, Mona. By the way, Mrs. Grant is no pushover."
"No, she's not. I think once you really get to know her you two will become fast friends."
Mona grabs her coat and purse from the chair and walks toward the door and stops. She turns and gives Marcella one last bit of advice.
"Marcella, don't chase someone else's blessings - you'll end up missing out on the blessings intended for you." The two women stare at each other for a moment. "And remember, things aren't always the way they appear."
XXX
As the airplane begins its descent from the 36,000-foot cruising altitude, Fitz grows more anxious with each drop in altitude. He is getting closer to home, getting closer to the unknown. He does not know what to expect when he gets there because he has not spoken with his wife in three days. Olivia will not answer his phone calls or respond to his text messages. He knows she is still upset because she has never stopped talking to him.
When the airplane finally touches down onto the runway he inhales deeply and thinks the extra cost for a first-class seat is well worth it because he will be one of the first passengers to deplane. Once the doors are open Fitz grabs his briefcase and carry-on luggage from the overhead storage bin and dashes quickly off the airplane. He walks briskly through the terminal, making his way to the parking garage to retrieve his car. As he drives the usual route home, over the interstate, he thinks this drive is anything but usual because he never had to wonder how Olivia is going to react to him coming back home. He regrets how he let things get out of control during their fight and hopes he can fix things between them.
As he gets closer to home he thinks maybe they need to get away for awhile to reconnect, just the two of them. They have been under an awful lot of stress lately, working ridiculously long hours and not spending much quality time together. He nods his head thinking he will have his parents watch Cena so they can go to one of the places on her bucket list to watch the sunset.