A/N: Dakidd: love and hate cancel each other out; so we're good :-). TayLee76, you are on the right track. Michelle, you're right. It generally isn't not good to interfere in husband-wife stuff because we never really know what's going on behind closed doors. Cleo, you're right. Cena knows more than the adults think. She was instrumental in supporting her daddy in Chapter 1 and has supported her mother during several of Liv's crying spells. Justbecauseican43, this is all about the modern marriage and the changing roles. Reneeharris49, hold tight. We'll gain more insight into Fitzgerald Grant in this chapter. AmanadaJ, you're right, Olivia leaving was the best thing for everyone and we will see why in this chapter. Yabadabado, this chapter might support your position. Loving the reviews. Here we go!
Chapter 11. The Gift
Fitz sits on a bench in one of the many gardens at Mirage taking in the beautiful scenery and hoping his wife decides to see him. Shaking his leg and tapping his foot, he leans back and thinks whatever this place is it is absolutely beautiful. The stillness in the air is pleasantly interrupted by the harmonious sounds of cooing pigeons, trilling blackbirds, cheeping sparrows, and all sorts of sounds from other birds he cannot discern. He looks across the field of flowers that is bursting with colors from across the spectrum. From what he can see there are a variety of tulips, crocuses, asters, honeysuckle, and pink peonies. He inhales deeply, allowing the natural perfume wafting through the air to calm his nerves somewhat.
He thinks about everything that has led them to this place and decides he has to be the one to make things right between them. He has to be the one to fix what is broken. He knows it is pointless to dredge up and rehash agreements and plans made in the past. The past is the past and it cannot be undone. If they are going to have a future together then he will have to let go of the plans they crafted many years. They will have to build a new plan and he is willing to do that. He is willing to give her the moon if it means she will come back home.
He does not know what he will do if she refuses to see him, he has not thought that far. He just knows he does not want to make things more difficult for them. He looks at his watch again and thinks Olivia should be out of her session by now, whatever that means. He still does not know what kind of place this is and why Olivia felt she needed to come here. So he pulls out his phone and searches for Mirage on the internet and reads their Mission statement and about the kinds of services they provide. He runs a hand through his hair wondering if there is a connection between this place and what he has learned today about his wife's depression.
XXX
After her counseling session is over, Olivia goes to one of the many quiet rooms configured throughout the center to relax and try to decide if she wants to see her husband. She thinks long and hard about the matter because she does not know if she can handle seeing him yet. Since being at Mirage she has not thought about whether they can reconcile and rebuild their marriage because she has been focused on her well-being, on getting healthy again.
She leans back in the plush spa chair and inhales the relaxing scent of the essential oils that fill the air. She closes her eyes and listens to the soothing music wafting through the inconspicuous sound system. She inhales and exhales deeply, practicing the breathing techniques that Shawn has taught her since being here. As the soft music relaxes her mind and body she pulls her sweater around her body and wonders how he found her. Did Abby, Dr. Perry, or Rev. Walker tell him? Drifting off in a comfortable sleep, she is jolted awake by the frightening thought that something might have happened to Cena. Maybe that is why he is here.
Filled with panic, Olivia walks quickly to the garden where Fitz has been waiting for almost an hour. Her mind is racing in every direction as she imagines all sorts of unpleasant scenarios. As she approaches the edge of the garden she sees him with tousled hair, hunched over and looking intently at his phone screen and her heart begins to melt. She has not seen him in two months and even with everything that has happened between them she realizes, in this moment, that she still loves him with all of her heart. But she now knows that love alone is not enough for a successful marriage and that makes her sad.
When Fitz hears her footsteps he jumps up immediately and smiles nervously as his eyes travel to her stomach. Both are unsure how to greet each other. Do they shake hands, hug, or simply say "hi"?
"Where is Cee? Is she okay?" She asks anxiously.
"Cee is fine. She's with my parents", he says softly.
Olivia sighs in relief.
"What are you doing here, Fitz? Why are you here?" She asks somewhat harshly.
"I'm here to bring my wife home."
"I'm not ready to come home. I can't come home yet."
He walks toward her and takes in her appearance.
"You're pregnant", looking at her stomach in amazement. And she wraps the sweater around her body trying to shield what can no longer be hidden. And the tears begin to flow.
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me everything?" He asks, taking another step toward her.
"Fitz, all we've done lately is argue and fight."
"Is that why you left – because of the fight?"
"That's part of it. It all became too much."
"I'm sorry - about everything", he says genuinely. "I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry hurt you. I never wanted that. There was no excuse for what I said and it will never happen again – I promise."
"The fight was just the last of so many painful events, Fitz. And we both said horrible things with the intention of hurting each other. How did we get to the place where we could intentionally hurt each other – where we could be so vicious? We both hit below the belt – went for the jugular."
"Tell me what to do and I will do it, Liv."
"I don't know if we can recover from that kind of viciousness. Have we grown that far apart that we could say such awful things to each other?"
"No – not at all. It was all my fault, Liv. It won't happen again."
"It's not that simple", looking at the butterfly flutter around the nectar- and pollen-rich aster.
"Tell me what to do to make things better, Liv."
"You've changed Fitz."
"What?" He says in disbelief.
"You have. You've become controlling and overbearing."
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to control you, Liv." He will fall on his sword to make things better.
"I can't take the arguing and fighting any longer. I won't."
"I don't want to fight either. I am willing to do whatever is necessary to fix us. You're my wife. We have a family – and another baby on the way."
"Well, you haven't been treating me like your wife lately, Fitz."
And that stung.
"You wanted me to be this fantasy housewife like your mother and you knew that wasn't me before we got married."
"I never wanted you to be like my mother, Liv."
"You wanted me to give up my business – something I love and worked hard to build. I won't give up my business, Fitz. I won't."
"I never wanted you to give up your business. I would never ask you to give up something you love doing."
She narrows her eyes and shakes her head. She is not sure if she can believe him.
"Can you forgive me? Can you give us another?" He asks, caressing her face.
"Fitz, being here has allowed me the space to think clearly about things", she pulls away and looks around at the beautiful landscape. "Being here has helped me to remember who I am - where I came from. To remember the things I believe in. Somewhere along the way I lost all of that. I forgot who I am."
Fitz crinkles his brow and looks at her curiously because his is not sure what she means.
"You know I came from a tradition where God was the center of my life – the central thing in my life.
He nods in understanding.
"But over the last six years I made you the center of my life – I lost my way, Fitz."
He waits for her to continue.
"When I fell in love with you it was the most beautiful feeling in the world. There wasn't a thing I didn't love about you. And to know that you loved me too made me giddy all of the time. I was like a schoolgirl – I told you that. I wanted to be with you all of the time and I enjoyed every minute we spent together. I loved the times when we would talk for hours – about everything and nothing at all. I loved our long walks in the park. I loved our trips. I loved all of the sunsets and sunrises we shared together. I loved it all. It was all so perfect. And when you asked me to be your wife I was so ecstatic and cautious I must admit. It was the greatest honor - you wanting me to be your wife. And you were so nervous when you proposed. I thought you were so adorable when you put the ring on the wrong finger."
They both smile at the memory.
"And after Rev. Walker and Minister Oswald helped our fathers to reconcile their differences, the wedding was a dream come true. Having our families and friends there to see us commit to each other made the day even more special. Our wedding was the culmination of everything we talked about all of those times into the wee hours of the morning. I loved you so much on that day and I couldn't imagine ever being any happier."
And his heart sinks because she is talking about her love for him in the past tense.
"And after Cee was born I didn't think life could get any better. Our beautiful baby girl is clearly the expression of both of us in appearance and personality."
He smiles again because Cena is definitely a mix of them both.
"You are such a good father, Fitz – a natural actually – unlike me. And when I thought I couldn't love you any more, watching you nurse her throughout the night when she was teething and or had an ear ache made me love you even more.
His eyes are brimming with tears.
"But something changed along the way, Fitz. I don't know what – but something changed. It seemed like we went from being ridiculously happy to fighting and battling all of the time."
She shakes her head because she does not know why he changed so dramatically.
"You began to demand that I become a more of a traditional wife. You became more intolerant of me – more authoritarian – and at times I didn't recognize the man I married. You would take a hard stance with me as if I was your adversary. There was no bargaining with you – no compromising. You practiced brinksmanship with me all of the time. Whenever a decision needed to be made about our lives I often had to walk away or give in to prevent another argument. Often times I felt like I was living with the famous negotiator and not my husband. I always felt that you won at my expense. I felt I was always the one giving up something."
"You made lots of decisions, Liv. And I surely compromised and gave up a lot."
She shakes her head because he does not seem to understand what she is saying.
"You became mean Fitz and you would punish me by not talking to me. And that hurt more than anything because no matter what we could always talk to each other."
"Livvie –"
"Let me finish. I'm not blaming you for everything, this is all on me for allowing it to happen. I loved you so much and I was willing to do anything to please you. I guess I loved you more than you loved me", she says as her voice trails off.
And his heart breaks because he has always loved her more than she will ever know and he will always love her.
"I had to get better, Fitz. The day I left my family – my little girl and you – was the most difficult day of my life. I was leaving behind everyone and everything I loved and I didn't know when I would return – if I could return."
Olivia shudders when she thinks about that dark time.
"We have not been at our best, Fitz and our children deserve better."
"I love you, Olivia."
"Love is not enough, Fitz."
"I just want you to be happy, Liv. That's all I've ever wanted. You and Cena are the most important people in my life and I will do whatever it takes to make everything right between us again. Maybe we should get counseling when we get back home. Would you like that?"
She looks at him for awhile, still unsure if she can trust him.
"Say okay, Liv."
And after a few more minutes of staring into his pleading eyes she smiles slightly.
"Okay. I would like that."
"Can you forgive me?" He asks, caressing her face again.
XXX
When Fitz walks into Olivia's villa he sees framed pictures of him and Cena on a table in the living room. He sees a picture of him picking up Cena in the backyard at his father's birthday party.
"Abigail?" He asks, lifting the frame.
"I missed my family, Fitz. Sending me pictures of you and Cee was Abby's way of helping me to stay connected."
He nods and walks from the living room and onto the sun-drenched patio and takes in the panoramic view of the mountains. He stuffs his hands into his pants pockets and inhales deeply, thinking this has been one of the toughest days of his life. He sits on one of the plush lounge chairs and pulls the phone from his pants pocket. He has to call his client to reschedule because he will not be traveling to Boston tomorrow - his family comes first. Olivia walks onto the patio as he finishes his call and hands him a glass of water and he smiles at her.
"Sit with me", he says reaching for her hand.
She leans against his chest and he slides up her blouse and rubs her stomach. They relax and admire the beautiful scene spread before them.
"It's really beautiful up here, Liv."
"It is. I am so grateful that Dr. Perry found this place for me."
"Me too", he says, planting a few kisses on the side of her neck.
"And Abby has been an invaluable friend. She drove me here."
"I know", absently rubbing her stomach. "And she chewed my ass out – told me to get over myself. She called me a barbarian."
"I'm sure she did", Olivia says with a chuckle.
"Liv, I've learned a lot while you've been away. A lot about working while taking care of Cee and the house."
She nods and smiles.
"While I love our precocious daughter, Cena can be a handful."
"Yes she can", smiling again as she thinks about her little girl.
"Dropping off Cee at my parents in the mornings and picking her up in the evenings is draining. And when I had to travel, remembering to pack all of the things she would need for a few days was even more tiring."
She nods again, enjoying the view and him rubbing her belly.
"And remembering to shop for food and everything else for the house …. I can't tell you the number of times Cee and I had to go back to the store after we got home because I forgot something."
"It's a lot, babe."
"But the one thing I learned to enjoy is styling Cee's hair. We call that our special time."
"That's good, babe."
"I guess what I'm saying Liv, I got firsthand experience trying to do it all – and it's a lot. I know some women and men enjoy being a stay-at-home parent, but if I'm to be honest, it would drive me crazy and I understand why you don't want to do it."
"Fitz, I love doing all of those things for our family, I just don't want to do them full time. I want to – need to have my career because that brings me a different kind of joy."
"I know."
They sit in silence for a few minutes, reconnecting and enjoying the quiet, enjoying them. The sun is beginning to set and it looks absolutely beautiful.
"And Liv", still rubbing her stomach. "We can enroll Cena in pre-school."
She whips her head around and looks at him in disbelief.
"Okay, where is my husband and what has Abby done with him?"
"Cee needs to be in a learning environment and around other children her age so she can learn how to socialize better. But we have to do our research first", he adds quickly. "I'll have some of my friends in DC investigate whatever school we choose."
She shakes her head and smiles because he is so protective of their daughter. She wonders what he is going to do when Cena starts to date.
"And Liv, I'm sorry that my parents harassed you about having a career - they had no right."
"I love your parents, Fitz. But they have different ideas on what my role as your wife should be."
He nods as he looks out at the mountains.
"Do you like it up here – in the mountains?"
She inhales deeply and smiles.
"I do. I like that it's so peaceful – so quiet. I can think up here, Fitz. I like the fresh air and the animals and all of the different kinds of foliage. And of course I like swimming in the lakes. It's all really wonderful", she says dreamily.
Seemingly in deep thought, he nods repeatedly. And for a few minutes they sit in silence and listen to the birds sing.
"How about we buy a vacation home up here? We can come here with the kids and this can be your getaway whenever you need some time alone. Would you like that?"
She lifts his hand to her lips and kisses his palm. She has missed their closeness and their talks.
"I would like that very much. And Fitz, it should be a place where the two of us come to spend time alone – no children, no family."
He nods and holds her tighter.
"How far along are you?" Rubbing circles on her stomach.
"Three-and-a-half months", she says softly.
He closes his eyes regretting how much of the pregnancy he has missed.
"Are you having morning sickness this time?"
"Not too much. Nothing like with Cee".
He nods and rubs her stomach.
"Do you want another girl or a boy?"
"I don't know. I guess I just want him or her to be healthy."
"Me too", kissing the side of her neck again.
Several minutes pass and he holds her closer before asking what has been bothering him all day.
"Tell me about the depression – when it first started", he says softly. And she stiffens because it is painful to think about that dark place she knows her mind is capable of going. So she remains silent for awhile before telling him when the mood changes started.
"It started when I was pregnant with Cee - when I was seven months actually. I didn't understand what was happening, Fitz. One day I was fine and the next day I didn't want to get out of bed. I was anxious about so much back then. I thought I was losing you. I thought you no longer loved me. I thought I was doing everything wrong. I thought I was going to be a horrible mother. It all scared me."
"Livvie …"
"I tried to push through it but each day I felt like I was being pulled deeper and deeper into a fog. I didn't want to do anything. My desire for life was gone. But after Cee was born I returned to myself – mentally and emotionally."
And the tears run down her face.
"I'm so ashamed."
"Hey, hey", he says, turning her face to look into her eyes. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"Fitz, it was a dark and scary time. If it weren't for Abby –"
"She's been a good friend."
"She has. She helped me to understand what was going on and encouraged me to talk to you and my doctor."
He nods.
"I didn't want to burden you. Your business was just beginning to take off and I didn't want to distract you. Hell, I didn't even know how to explain it to you."
"What did the doctor say?"
"It's called antenatal depression, which I'd never heard of. I know woman suffer from post-partum depression, but I had no idea …. There is medication – antidepressants - to quell the symptoms but the effects on the baby are unknown. I couldn't take the chance with our baby, Fitz."
"I hate that I wasn't there for you back then", kissing her temple.
"As I said, when I delivered Cee all of the symptoms went away – I was back to myself."
He nods, pondering everything she has said. He plans to research antenatal depression so he can be more aware of the symptoms and know what to look for this time.
"And now - how are you feeling?"
Again she remains silent for a few minutes.
"It came back, Fitz. It came so early this time", and her body begins to tremble and the tears fall down her face in sheets. "There was so much happening and we weren't in a good place when I realized I was pregnant again."
"Aww, sweetheart. I'm sorry. Tell me about it."
"After our last argument it felt like everything was coming down around me. I felt like I was falling apart."
She closes her eyes because she needs to tell him everything, but she is afraid. She is afraid he will not look at her in the same way. She is afraid he will hate her. She is afraid he will not want her to be around their daughter.
"You're going to hate me", pulling the wad of tissues from her pants pocket and wiping the stream of tears from her face.
"I could never hate you", kissing her bare shoulder and gently encouraging her to continue.
She stands from his lap and walks over to the other end of the patio and he looks at her in bewilderment. She inhales deeply, wrings her hands, and looks up at the mountains. She wishes she could be as strong as they appear.
"I needed to leave our home for many reasons Fitz - not just because we weren't in a good place – not just because of the arguing and fighting."
He stares at her back with a questioning expression.
"I left because I needed to protect our daughter – to protect Cena."
He frowns as he watches her grab the black wrought-iron railing tightly.
"I began to have dark thoughts early on this time. They were really bad thoughts, Fitz."
He stands from his seat, walks toward her, but does not touch her. He needs to give her space to express whatever is troubling her.
"I had thoughts of hurting my daughter – our daughter, Fitz. And it scared me so much. I knew immediately I could no longer stay in our home - could no longer be around my own daughter. So I called Rev. Walker and Abby and we all met at Dr. Perry's office. And that's when Dr. Perry said suggested I go away - to be in a stress-free environment for awhile. He recommended that I come here – to Mirage." Her body trembles as she begins to cry uncontrollably at the painful memories.
Fitz goes to his wife immediately and embraces her and wonders how the hell he could have missed all of this.
"I can't come home, Fitz. I am so scared", she says with a trembling voice.
"You're going to be all right. We're going to get through this together" cupping her face and kissing away her tears.
"I miss my family. I miss you and Cena so much."
"We'll work this out, okay?"
She nods with pouty lips and he thinks how much she looks like Cena in this moment.
"Will you stay tonight?" She asks tearfully.
"Of course. Of course. I'm not going anywhere."
XXX
Fitz lay awake in bed looking up at the ceiling while Olivia is cuddled in his side sleeping. He thinks about her depression and that at one point in their marriage she was in such a dark place she no longer wanted to live. He shakes his head when he thinks that she recently had thoughts of harming their daughter. And he realizes that Abigail is right. What kind of husband is he not to know that his own wife was depressed? How could he be so damn blind that he could not see that she was suffering? Well the blinders are now off. He has to protect his family and he cannot do that as long as he is traveling – as long as he is away from them. Until they can get a handle on Olivia's health, traveling for work is done. None of it matters if his family is not healthy and whole.
Fitz scheduled an 8:30 conference call with Dr. Perry in the morning because he wants the doctor to explain Olivia's condition to him and the plans for helping her to get better. He also scheduled a 10:30 am appointment with Thaddeus so he can better understand the kinds of treatment Olivia has been receiving since she has been at Mirage. When they return home tomorrow he will call Bennie and get his medical opinion about Olivia's condition.
Day 1
Fitz holds Olivia's hand as they sit on the sofa in the living room talking to Dr. Perry through the speakerphone.
"I am so glad you are now plugged into Olivia's health, Fitz. Olivia has tried to go it alone but she needs your support."
Fitz nods and gives his wife an encouraging smile.
"I will do whatever is best for my wife, Dr. Perry."
"Good – good. Well, Olivia is suffering from what is called antenatal or antepartum depression. It's a mood disorder that can occur at any time during pregnancy. One in every 10 women will be depressed at some point during pregnancy and around one in every 30 will be depressed during pregnancy and the postnatal period."
Fitz nods as he listens intently to Dr. Perry. This is all new to him.
"It is only within the last 20 years that prenatal depression has been associated with pregnancy. Before this, postnatal depression was the only depression linked to pregnancy. Women who seek help for prenatal depression are often told it's just their hormones – which offers very little help to the suffering mother-to-be."
Fitz frowns.
"Some mothers-to-be have often described prenatal depression as a nine-month-long tunnel of doom, anxiety, and despair. For some women being pregnant is not a joyful and happy experience at all."
"With Olivia's first pregnancy the onset of depression didn't occur until she was well into her third trimester. While in the beginning her symptoms were mild, but they got progressively worse up until the time she delivered."
Fitz clenches his jaw because he saw no signs of her being depressed back then.
"Once Olivia delivered Cena she was back to her normal self."
Olivia looks at her husband and nods, confirming everything that Dr. Perry is saying.
"So Dr. Perry, what causes antenatal depression?" Fitz asks.
"Well, the causes fall into three major categories - arrears, physical, emotional and social."
"And the cause of Olivia's depression?"
"Well, we screened Olivia and it seems like the cause of her depression is more emotional and social."
"Say more, doctor."
The furrow in Fitz' brow deepens as he leans forward and rests his arms on his bent knees. He is trying to understand everything Dr. Perry is saying.
"Well, there are emotional implications of bringing a new life into the world. The first-time pregnancy involves a complete life change, whether this is social or psychological. The mother-to-be may have gone from being someone's daughter or aunt to being a mother. Problems with their partner and parents may be magnified during this time, and the relationships with friends may change overnight, all of which can cause more stress on a women. Even if the mother is already a parent, the fear of how she will cope with having another child can cause feelings of depression."
Fitz nods and beckons Olivia to sit on his lap. He wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her cheek as they listen to the doctor.
"Also, women are under more pressure today to succeed in the world of business, and it can be hard for them to juggle a full-time job along with a family. The important thing is for women to remember it isn't impossible to have it all. It just becomes easier if they don't try to have it all at once. There is nothing wrong with having a career break or not wanting to return to work right after the birth of the baby. Every women has different needs, but all mothers-to-be must stay calm and relaxed as much as possible."
"So how do you expect this place – Mirage - to benefit my wife?"
"Since Olivia's depression is caused mostly by the emotional stress in her environment, I thought it would be beneficial if she removed herself from what is causing the stress and anxiety."
Olivia lays her head on Fitz' shoulder.
"Mirage is a highly regarded retreat that provides the space and support for people who need a respite from their daily lives. At Mirage, Olivia is attended to by a trained and dedicated staff who provide healthy food choices, exercise routines, and counseling sessions. Just being in this beautiful environment will also help Olivia to reduce her stress. Olivia can also meet with counselors to discuss her anxiety and learn techniques for managing the things that trigger her stress."
"I see", Fitz says, rubbing his hand up and down Olivia's arm.
"It has also been helpful that Rev. Walker is involved to provide Olivia with weekly spiritual support while she is staying at Mirage. This has truly been a team effort, Fitz."
"Dr. Perry, Olivia wants to come home. Do you think that is a good idea?"
"If Olivia is going to be in a stress- reduced environment and have all of the other support I mentioned, then I see no reason why she cannot return home."
"Thank you, Dr. Perry."
"And one more thing Fitz. You should meet with the staff at Mirage to understand the program they have designed for Olivia. If she goes home then she should try to stick to the same routine as much as possible."
"Thank you again doctor", Fitz says before disconnecting the call.
Fitz leans back on the sofa and pulls Olivia with him, holding her tighter. And they sit in silence while he collects his thoughts.
"Did I do this to you? Did I put all of this stress on you - cause the anxiety?"
"It's not just one thing, Fitz."
"Are you sure you want to come home? Do you think you're ready?"
"I want to come home, Fitz. I miss you and Cee so much."
He nods.
XXX
A half-hour later they walk hand in hand across the courtyard to the main building to meet with Thaddeus Collins for their 10:30 appointment. Fitz knocks on the office door and Thaddeus walks around his desk to greet the Grants.
"Good morning, Mrs. and Mr. Grant", Thaddeus says, extending his hand to Olivia. Then he extends a handshake to Fitz, who readily accepts the gesture, and Thaddeus smiles thinking what a difference a day makes.
As Olivia and Fitz settle into the two plush chairs in front of Thaddeus' desk, the founder of Mirage offers them something to drink and they both decline. Thaddeus walks behind his desk and sits in his leather chair.
"Well Mrs. Grant, I understand you have decided to go home", Thaddeus smiles kindly.
"Yes, I have. My husband and I spoke with Dr. Perry earlier and he said he can support my going home if certain conditions are met."
"I see", Thaddeus says, nodding as he looks between the two. "Well, Dr. Perry is an excellent physician who cares about his patients very much. So if he thinks you are ready to go home then I support his decision wholeheartedly."
"Do you have a copy of Olivia's routine since she has been here? Dr. Perry would like for Olivia to follow the same regimen when we get back home."
"Of course", Thaddeus says with a professional smile as he reaches across the desk for the black leather-bound portfolio with Mirage emblazoned on the cover in gold lettering.
"Mrs. Grant", you have made significant progress during your stay with us and we would like for that progress to continue once you return home."
"I would like that too, Thaddeus."
"In addition to your personalized schedule, we have also included in your portfolio a list of reputable counselors in your area. All of them provide couples counseling as well", Thaddeus says, looking over at Fitz.
And Fitz nods.
"However, before you leave us, I would like to offer you both the opportunity to spend some time with one of our therapists who specializes in couples counseling."
Fitz and Olivia look at each other in surprise. They certainly were not expecting this offer.
"Of course the service and the additional stay will be a gift from Mirage."
Still shocked by the unexpected offer, Olivia and Fitz continue to stare at each with their mouths hanging open.
"We at Mirage are invested in our guests remaining whole and healthy so we won't have to see them here again", Thaddeus smiles kindly. "We are not in the business of just making money. We truly want to help make our guests lives better."
Thaddeus takes in the couple's expressions before continuing.
"While Mrs. Grant has made amazing progress as an individual, I think in order for her to sustain ongoing health and wellness you both need to be on the same page. I know you were not expecting this, but I hope you will consider my offer."
Olivia looks at Fitz pleadingly and he sees the anxiety in her eyes.
"Thank you for the offer Thaddeus. I am willing to do anything I can to support my wife."
Olivia squeezes Fitz' hand and smiles brightly.
"Good", Thaddeus exclaims. "I will have the concierge return Mrs. Grant's luggage to your villa. And please, do not hesitate to request anything you might need from our staff during your extended stay."
"Thank you Thaddeus", Olivia says happily.
"It's our pleasure to serve you Mrs. Grant - Mr. Grant."
Thaddeus stands from his chair and buttons his suit jacket. He extends a handshake to Olivia then to Fitz.
"Thank you Thaddeus - for everything. And I apologize for my behavior yesterday."
"Already forgotten, Mr. Grant", he says as he escorts the couple to the lobby.
"By the way, you will be working with Avril Denne´, our best couples' therapist on staff. I will warn you in advance, however, that her methods are somewhat unconventional – but very effective."
XXX
Olivia and Fitz return to their villa and discuss the gift that Thaddeus has given them as they enjoy a leisurely lunch on the sunlit patio. This is the first meal they have enjoyed together in quite some time and it feels wonderful being together again and doing something normal without arguing. At 1:00 pm they walk hand in hand across the courtyard to the Calming Building for the first of two sessions with Avril Denne´.
Avril Denne´ is a certified therapist who specializes in counseling couples and families. Until recently, Avril smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. Now, she only chomps through a pack of yellow No. 2 pencils each day to distract her from resuming her old habit. She has worked at Mirage for the past 12 years helping guests to learn techniques to rebuild and restore their relationships. Her colleagues think she is peculiar and question some of the bizarre counseling methods she uses with the guests. However, Thaddeus relies on Avril immensely. Although he has received a few complaints about Avril's methods, from staff members and guests, he retains her because she is the most effective therapist at Mirage. And when he offers a couple the gift, he usually assigns Avril to them because she can help to transform them in the shortest period of time. Bizarre methods be damned.
Born in England where she lived with her parents and two brothers, Avril moved to the States after graduating from university with a certificate in Family Counseling. She was drawn to the field of family counseling because she saw as a child the damage that dysfunctional parents can do to their children, especially when there is no outside support. So as an adult she wants to provide families with the support they need and hopefully help to prevent other children from having to grow up in a house with parents that bicker all of the time.
Avril usually has a limited amount of time to work with the guests at Mirage so she likes to get down to business as quickly as possible. She does not have time or the desire to coddle them because the guests usually have a problem or problems they need to deal with immediately so they can resume their normal lives.
At the beginning of each session Avril always lays down the rules of engagement. And the first rule is to tell the truth. The second rule is not to interrupt when the speaker is expressing their thoughts and feelings.
XXX
"So, Fitz is the problem?" Avril summarizes when Olivia finishes speaking.
"What?" Stunned by the woman's unfiltered assessment.
"You said – well you both said that Fitz' need to control you is the problem in your marriage. Correct?"
"Well – yes", she stammers. "To some degree."
"Is that right, Fitz?"
"I've been unfair to Olivia – have had some unrealistic expectations", he says stoically.
"I see. So now that you know who the problem is in your marriage you can now go back home and resume your life."
Fitz reaches for Olivia's hand and smiles.
"Yes", Olivia beams brightly. "But I was hoping first you would give us a few tips so we can better communicate when we get back into our normal routine."
"Is that what you want, Fitz?"
"Of course. Anything that will help us to get back on track."
He smiles at Olivia and she smiles at him. Avril studies the two and nods her head.
"Well, you might not want to get back onto the same track you were on since that track has led you straight to Mirage."
"Excuse me?" Fitz says, taken aback by the woman's brazenness.
"You two think you have identified the problem and all you need are a few tips to help you to move on with your lives. Well you're mistaken."
Their eyes are wide in astonishment as they look at the pencil-chomping woman.
"Fitz, you're willing to fall on your sword – take the blame for everything that is wrong in your marriage - and you think that is admirable. But it's not - nowhere close to being admirable. But you want Olivia to come back home so you're willing to be the fall guy."
Fitz squints at the woman. He cannot believe that this stranger would dare to speak to him in that manner.
"And unfortunately Olivia, you are more than willing to allow your husband to believe he is the blame for everything that is wrong in your marriage."
"That's not true", she says defensively, glaring at the woman.
"Well that is what you said. And in this room only the truth will be spoken. You two will need to be completely honest with each other if you want to have a chance at saving your marriage. And right now neither of you is being honest."
"I'm sorry …" looking at the woman's name tag as he stands. "I'm sorry, Avril, but this so-called gift is not what we need. Come on Olivia, let's get the hell out of here."
Olivia grabs her purse and begins to stand.
"You'll be divorced in two years if you walk out of that door. Is that what you want for your children?" Avril asks looking at Olivia's growing belly.
Olivia is stunned by the woman's prediction and her hand instinctually rubs her stomach.
"The choice is binary. You either walk away from each other now so you don't spend the next few years making yourselves and your children miserable. Or, you take this gift and learn how to transform yourselves and your marriage. There is no third option."
They both look at the rude woman with raised eyebrows, thinking she certainly cannot be a certified therapist.
"You two aren't being honest with each other. Hell, you've been pretending for so long I don't think you even know how to be honest."
"Come on Olivia, let's go", reaching for his wife's hand.
Olivia realizes this is their moment of truth as she looks back and forth between Avril and Fitz' outstretched hand. She knows if they do not take this opportunity – this gift – then they could possibly end up divorced in a few years.
"Olivia, let's –"
"We're staying", she says, looking at Avril. "We need to do this. We need help."
Fitz pinches the bridge of his nose and glares squarely at Avril as Olivia begins to sit back in her seat.
"Fine", he growls as he takes his seat and shakes his crossed legs. He is fuming.
"Fine", Avril repeats. "Now that we've gotten past our first standoff, let's get to work. We have today and tomorrow, and we have a lot of territory to cover. So Olivia, tell me why is Fitz the problem in your marriage?"
"Well I didn't say –"
"Remember Olivia, this is a place where only the truth is spoken."
Olivia looks at her husband, who is wound as tight as an old clock, before speaking.
"I love Fitz, with all of my heart. And no matter what has happened I will always love him", she says, wringing her hands.
Fitz twists his wedding band and begins to retreat slowly into his mind, thinking he is going to be the target in these sessions.
"For me …"
She inhales deeply and looks at Fitz out of the corner of her eye and sees him engaging in his nervous habit.
"For me it started five years ago when we got pregnant with our daughter", she says quickly.
Fitz glances at her in shock because he thought their problems started just a few years ago.
"When we found out we were pregnant with Cena, well Fitz just became a different person. He began to make decisions without really consulting me or listening to my opinion."
"Give examples, Olivia. You have to be specific so Fitz can understand your perspective – what you were feeling at the time.
"Well, I loved our apartment. It was in the city – not too far from my office and the size was perfect for us. We had more than enough room for us and a baby."
Fitz looks at his wife wanting to respond but remembers the rule so he listens and waits for Olivia to finish sharing, from her perspective, the beginning of the demise of their relationship.
"But Fitz wanted to move – outside of the city – far away from my office. And he wanted to buy such a large house, which was not necessary at the time. It requires a lot of my time – too much of my time actually to maintain and I grew to resent it. In fact, I hated it for a long time. Fitz was – "
"Talk to your husband, Olivia. Tell him how you felt."
"The house was just too big, Fitz and you were hardly ever there, which made me feel lonely."
He looks at her in surprise because he had no idea that she hated their home. He knew she wasn't thrilled about the house, but hate it?
"And as Fitz and I discussed yesterday", she begins softly, "Over the last few years of our marriage you have become more controlling – more authoritarian."
"How so?" Avril asks, twirling the yellow No. 2 pencil between her fingers.
"Well, he – you tried to mold me into being someone I am not."
"Specifics, Olivia."
"Well, first you wanted me to give up my business. And I will never do that."
"That's not true", he interjects only to be stopped by Avril.
"Hold on Fitz. You'll have your chance."
He bristles at the woman's admonishment and shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
"You wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom, raise children, and take care of our home. While I enjoy doing all of those things I never wanted to do them full time."
Fitz looks at Olivia in shock.
"And …" Glancing over at her husband who is now looking down and picking at the imaginary lint on his his pants. Fitz and I don't have the same values when it comes to money. He is so obsessed with making money and money just isn't that important to me. I wasn't raised to worship money."
"Is there anything else, Olivia?"
"Well, I don't think Fitz defends my choices to his family – his parents. They think I should be a 1950s-type wife and not work. And they aren't shy about letting me know their opinions."
Fitz frowns deeply.
"Is there anything else?"
Wringing her hands and glancing quickly at her husband again, Olivia looks back at Avril.
"Well, I guess that's it. It was all of these things combined that have had a negative impact on our marriage. It wasn't just one thing" Olivia concludes.
XXX
"So", Avril begins as she looks at an irritated Fitz. "Now we know all of the reasons why you're the problem in the marriage – at least from Olivia's point of view. Do you agree, Fitz, with what Olivia said?"
Fitz remains silent for a long while as the two woman stare at him. He feels like he is being double teamed.
"This only works if you participate, Fitz", Avril says looking at the man who looks like he is ready to explode.
Fitz sits up straight in his chair, clears his throat, and rakes a hand through his hair.
"I love my wife and will do anything for her – for our family."
"I'm sure that is true, but that does not answer my question. Do you agree with what Olivia just said - about why you are the problem?"
"No", glancing over at his wife who looks at him in disbelief.
"What?" Olivia says, stunned by his response.
"It's Fitz' turn Olivia. Continue Fitz."
"Well I agree with parts – a part", looking again at Olivia. "I could have – should have done a better job in handling my parents. I didn't realize until Abigail told me how difficult it has been for you dropping off Cena there every day. They had no right trying to make you feel guilty about your choices. Again, I am sorry for that."
Olivia smiles and reaches for his hand.
"Fitz, what say you about Olivia thinking you are controlling?"
He shifts again in his chair and thinks about the question for about five minutes.
"If I am to be honest", looking at Olivia. "When Cena came along I guess something in my brain switched. I became a father Liv – we became parents - and I wanted the best for our child. I wanted our daughter to feel the same kind of love and security I felt from my mother when I was a kid."
"Liv, I felt secure in knowing that my mom was there in the mornings to make our breakfast and ship us off to school and that she would be there for us after school as well. I loved the smells that filled the house with whatever she was cooking when I got home from school in the afternoons. I loved that she would make me a snack and sit in the kitchen with me to discuss my day. I felt safe and loved and I wanted that for Cee – for all of our children."
He looks at her and caresses her hand as he remembers the positive times as a child when he thought life was terrific, at least from his perspective.
"And I vowed that I would do everything within my power to provide you and our children the same kind of love and security I had and I didn't mind working hard to do it."
They look at each other.
"You know me, Liv. You know that family is the most important thing to me and you said family was important to you too. You said you wanted us to have a more traditional family too - maybe not as traditional as mine – but a bit more structured than your family. So we made a plan, Liv – together. And you agreed to that plan."
She looks at him slack-jawed because quite frankly she had forgotten about the agreement.
"We made an agreement before we were even married."
Olivia brings her hand to her mouth and closes her eyes.
"I remember us making the agreement just like it was yesterday. We were sitting on the patio at the old apartment and we talked about our future and where we both were at that time in our careers. Do you remember?"
Eyes still wide she looks at him and nods slowly.
"We agreed whose career would come first and whose would be delayed. We agreed that since my business was beginning to take off and yours hadn't gotten much traction yet that I would work my ass off to make it a success, and you would still work at your Foundation and we would start our family a couple of years after we were married. We knew it would take several years before we had any real success in the business. We both knew my traveling would be tough and that I would be gone a lot - but that was a sacrifice we we're willing to make – at least for the short term. Didn't we?"
And she nods.
"And I worked hard – not because I'm so obsessed with money Liv, but because I was trying to build a future for our family. Flying back and forth across the country almost every week is physically draining – you have no idea. Some days I would wake up and I honestly didn't know where I was – what city I was in. And I missed you and Cena so much. And I felt like I was missing out on so much because each time I came home Cena had changed in one way or another."
She looks at him trying to blink back the tears.
"And we agreed to have another child after Cena turned two. Didn't we?"
She nods and rests her hand on her stomach.
"But that was around the time the Foundation began to get some publicity and to take off – much sooner than either of us expected. And I was so happy for you and proud of you – always have been. But you began working longer and longer hours, which we agreed you wouldn't do, at least while Cena was still young and while I was traveling. But you seemed so happy – happier than I had seen you in such a long time so I said nothing about the long hours for a long while. Nor did I didn't push you on having another child."
She looks away from him and down at the floor.
"Once you started networking and interacting with local officials and donors - work became your primary focus – your priority. So two – three years passed and you never mentioned wanting to have more children and I understood that. I understood that your business was just beginning to get some traction and it needed your attention – but so did our daughter."
"You forgot about Cena so many times Liv because you were off working on another project and taking care of the community. You forgot that Cee was at my parents' house more times than I care to remember."
"And I'm so sorry you had to deal with my parents criticizing your choices - Liv - I really am. But have you ever once thought about how frustrating it was each time they called me to complain that you had once again forgotten to pick up Cena? How they were unable to contact you since you have a habit of turning off your phone?"
She wraps her arms around her body as the memories come flooding back to her.
"It was bad enough that they had to watch Cena, but for you to continually pick her up late or forget about her altogether was totally unacceptable. That's why I didn't want to put her in day care. I couldn't trust you to remember to pick her up. I didn't want our daughter to be forgotten at some day care center all evening. You know Cena, she would have been frightened, Liv. She would have thought that mommy and daddy didn't love her - that we had abandoned her. And I never want her to feel that way. And you know I couldn't just stop working to watch her. I already had too many commitments I was trying to juggle, so my parents were the best alternative."
"And your inability to keep your word was making our life chaotic. Things had gotten out of control, Liv. You forgetting about Cena, leaving in the mornings before either of us saw you, and coming home late in the evenings became intolerable. I was frustrated that you kept putting your work before our family over and over and over. And yes, I began to resent your work – not because I wanted you to be a stay-at-home-mom. I resented your work because you cared more about the Foundation and the people you supported than you cared about me and Cena. And yes I began to demand that you show up for our family - that you be present for our daughter. Cena deserved better."
"I know giving ultimatums, getting angry, and fighting with you was not the best ways to handle the situation; but quite frankly I was at the end of my rope and I didn't know what else to do - how to get you back on track. So, if you call that controlling – then yes – I became controlling."
Tears are falling down her face.
"I'm not innocent here Olivia, but neither are you. We agreed we would never let our careers interfere with us being a family. We agreed that family is more important than anything."
She cannot stop the tears from flowing.
"You changed the agreement Olivia, not me", he says in a staccato tone.
They stare at each other for a long while.
"Then why didn't you say anything back then?" She asks through the tears.
"Because I wanted you to be happy", he says in exasperation. "Because I knew I wasn't enough to make you happy. Because I knew having a family wasn't enough to make you happy."
"That's not true", she says weakly.
He takes a breath and shakes his head. He did not want to go down this road, revisiting past agreements. He wanted to leave the past in the past and concentrate on building a new future with his wife. But he has been letting things go for far too long and it has not served his family well. In fact, remaining silent has almost destroyed his family. The truth needs to be spoken, so he decides to release everything he has been holding inside for such a long time.
"I didn't feel like your husband any more, Liv. We rarely saw each other and when you were home you really weren't because you brought your work with you."
She wonders how she could have been so blind, so distracted that she could not see how miserable he was.
"The intimacy was gone. We had sex but we didn't make love – not in the same way – not in a long time."
And she looks at him in surprise.
"You seemed to only do it out of a sense of obligation or when you knew I was upset. But I love you so much I would take you any way I could get you. Being away from home gets lonely Liv, and when I get home I just want to be with my wife."
XXX
"I'm sorry. I had know idea how you felt", looking into his sad eyes. "I guess I convinced myself that you and Cena were okay because we have so much. And I convinced myself the community needed more because they have so little. You called me on all of it but I couldn't or wouldn't hear you, Fitz. I guess I forgot to put on my own oxygen mask first", shaking her head realizing the ridiculousness of her thinking.
Fitz tilts his head slightly to the side, trying to understand what she is saying.
"Flight attendants always say in case of an emergency to put on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others."
He thinks about how many times he blocked out the flight attendants' instructions.
"Fitz, I was so busy trying to help the people in the community I guess I failed to make sure we were okay first. I was so focused on helping others I took my eyes off of the two most important people in my life. I kept telling myself the long hours I was working weren't going to last long –that it was just for a short period – until my latest project was completed. But there was always going to be another project", she says sadly. "I failed you, Fitz and I failed Cena. Can you forgive me?"
"I love you Olivia", he says, leaning over and brushing her tears away. "I will always love you."
"But love isn't enough, Fitz. We can't rely just on love to make our marriage healthy", she says solemnly.
"Stop saying that. Love is everything. Love is everything for me and I'm tired of everyone trying to diminish what love means to me."
Astonished by his outburst, Olivia brings her hand to her chest and looks at him with wide eyes.
"Love is not just a word or a feeling for me, Liv. It's not just some silly emotional expression. Love is commitment. Love is family. Love is protection. Love is dedication. All of those things are wrapped up in love. And when I tell you that I love you I am saying that I am willing to lay down my life for you. I am saying that you are my everything. I am say that I will do anything in my power for you – for our family."
The tears are running down her face because she feels like she is seeing her husband for the first time.
"Livvie", taking her hand in his. "I remember the day and the hour I fell in love with you – when I committed myself to you – just like it was yesterday. And I have not stopped loving you and I never will – no matter how all of this ends," looking around the room. "And I didn't fall in love with you at one of the many beautiful sunrises or sunsets we shared together. It wasn't on one of the many vacations we went on. And it wasn't after we made exquisite love innumerable times."
He smiles at her weakly.
"I fell in love with you at Feingold's Furniture Store when I saw you bouncing up and down testing the cushions on the sofa for my apartment. Before we really started dating and I was still tricking you into go shopping with me."
She smiles as she remembers that day, but she had no idea how he felt at that time.
"Liv, ever since I met you I wanted to make you happy – wanted to protect you. Even though you exuded strength and confidence, you also allowed me to see the vulnerable side of you – and I liked that side of you too. And I just wanted to take care of you."
"Fitz, I don't need you to take care of me", she says softly.
"I know you don't need me to take care of you, Olivia. How the hell do you think that makes me feel when you say it – when you show me every chance you get that you don't need me?"
Her eyes bulge.
"I am your husband, Olivia. I am supposed to take care of you. What is my role if I don't take care of you and protect you?"
"Fitz, I don't need you for my survival – I don't need you to take care of me. I don't need you to pay my bills - to fix the clogged sink - or to change the tire on my car. I can do all of those things for myself or hire someone to do them."
His face reddens and his eyes brim with tears. He feels like she just stuck a knife into his heart so he looks away, trying to hide the hurt. Olivia reaches over and intertwines her fingers with his.
"What kind of man am I if don't take care of you? Who the hell am I'm supposed to be if I don't do that, Liv?"
"You are to be my partner, my lover, and my best friend in the whole damn world. You're to be my soft place to fall when everything around me is coming apart. When I have a terrific day at work and I am really proud of something I accomplished, you are to be the first person I want to tell. And when I have had a really crappy day, you are to be the person I want to call and hopefully get a hug and be told that everything is going to be all right."
He blinks rapidly, trying to hold back the tears.
"Babe", she says softly, but he does not respond. "Look at me", and he slowly turns and looks into her eyes with tears trickling down his face.
"I don't need you for any of those things", looking intently into his eyes. "But I want you. I. Want. You. I want you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I've wanted no one else but you since I saw you at your Welcome Home Party eight years ago."
He looks at her in surprise because she never told him that.
"I want you because I am selfish. I want you because you make me feel incredibly loved and happy – even with everything that is happening I know that you love me. And I can't imagine ever wanting anyone or anything else as much as I want you."
With the corners of his mouth turned down, he looks at her trying to understand what she is saying.
"Babe, you are so much more to me than a wallet. You're much more than what you can give me."
His face is still hard.
"So, no – I don't need you - not in the traditional sense - but I want you and there isn't a thing you or anyone else can do about it."
She swipes away the tears from her face and they stare at each other for a long while.
"Liv, I get that you don't need me to take care of you - I'm not a Neanderthal. But you have to understand that I enjoy – I love doing things for you and Cena. It's about my need not yours. I love you and Cena more than anything and I want give you both the world. And you reject it all of the time – you reject me, Liv. You make me feel like what I want to give you is dirty. You act like it is all beneath you. You never wanted the house - I know that. But I was hoping in time you would grow to love it – not because of its size or where it is located - but love it because it is where we are going to raise our children."
She looks at him stunned.
"You won't let me buy you a car even though yours is barely working. You won't let me do special things for Cena because you say that I am spoiling her. It seems like you want to prove that you don't need me for anything – and that hurts."
"What?"
"Liv, you've been independent for so long – long before we were married – and you can't allow me to help you - you won't allow me to help you. How do you think that makes me feel, Liv – to be married to a woman who doesn't need or want anything from me? How the hell do you think that makes me feel?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - I didn't know."
XXX
Avril eyes the two who appear as if have just returned from war. She smiles to herself thinking this is the most honest these two have been with each other since they met. She thinks now that both of their truths have been spoken, it is time to get on to the work that will ultimately transform them.
"Olivia - Fitz, as a third party whose only stake in this matter is to help you to develop the skills for a happy and satisfying marriage, know that there is no right or wrong here. You both just see certain things differently. And it's okay that you view the world differently, but you need to learn how to manage through the differences rather than becoming combative with each other."
They both nod.
"Right now I want to recount for you what I heard both of you say – just the facts - without all of the details and emotions. Is that all right with you? Because it is important that you know what each has said and why."
They both nod.
"Then I want to ask the two of you a few questions. Okay?"
"OK", they say in unison.
"Before you two were married you created a plan for your future. And you both agreed to the plan."
They nod.
"At some point in your marriage the terms of the agreement were changed - intentionally or unintentionally - the plan was changed Olivia. Which means you two started operating from two different plans - the original plan that Fitz was still following and the modified plan which Olivia began following. The terms of the two plans were not in sync, which means you two were not in sync in how you were going about building your future. Your misalignment was fertile ground for all sorts of conflict to grow in your marriage. Did I get that right in 100 words or less?" The woman smiles for the first time this afternoon.
Olivia cocks her head slightly and squints at the woman and Fitz nods his head. He is happy that someone finally understands his frustration.
"Olivia, why didn't you tell Fitz that you changed the terms of the contract the two of you wrote together?"
Olivia responds immediately without having to think about her answer.
"Honestly Avril, I didn't think about the agreement – hadn't thought about it in a long time. I guess I forgot about it really and I just did what I always did before ..."
"Before what, Olivia. Finish your sentence."
"Before I was married. Oh my god", she says half to herself as the realization of her actions hits her. "When I was single I never had to worry about consulting anyone when making a decision about my life. I did what I wanted to do - when I wanted to do it. I would work at the office as long as it took to get the job done. So, when the Foundation began to grow and there was so much that needed to be done, I guess I started behaving the way I did before I was married – before I became a mother."
Handing Olivia the box of tissues, Avril allows Olivia's response hang in the air for a few minutes.
"And Fitz, you're an attorney, a renowned negotiator, who writes and negotiates complex contracts for some of the most prestigious multi-national corporations and brands in the world."
He looks at the woman closely, bracing himself for what is coming next.
"When you realized that Olivia had changed the terms of the original agreement without consulting you why didn't you discuss the matter with her immediately? Why didn't you let her know that you were not comfortable with terms of the new contract?"
"First, I don't manage my marriage the way I manage my business", he says defensively.
Avril will not be deterred by his defensive attitude, so she chews on her pencil and waits few minutes for Fitz to answer the question.
"Second, in my mind there was no new contract because the two parties never agreed to change the original contract. So for me, the original contract was still in force", he says somewhat smugly.
Avril smiles to herself thinking how easily it is for him to slip into his professional role.
"That's the point, Fitz", Avril says, pressing her thumb down up and down on the pencil's eraser. "So you didn't agree with Olivia's new contract?"
"Of course not", he says as if the question is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard.
"So why didn't you discuss the matter with your wife?"
"I just wanted Olivia to be happy. And I never dreamed that we would get so far off course."
"Remember, only the truth will be spoken in this room, Fitz", looking at the irritated man.
Fitz shakes his crossed leg and twists his wedding band as he glares at the woman. And he feels Olivia staring at him, waiting for him to answer the question. So after a while he begins to speak.
"When I met Olivia I was intrigued by her. I had never known anyone like her before. She was a dynamo - so self-assured, independent, and confident. And the kind of passion she exhibited for her business was very appealing to me." He turns and looks at his wife before continuing. "And I still love all of those things about you", giving her that smirk that she has not seen in a long while.
"You were living the life you wanted, Liv. Your lifestyle was pretty much settled when I came along. You had everything in order and I really didn't know if there was a place for me in your life. And I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could fit into your life – trying to figure out what I could possibly bring to a woman who seemingly didn't need anyone."
Olivia looks at him in surprise.
"And you continued to be independent after we were married - making decisions about your life – our life - without consulting me."
Olivia furrows her brow.
"You rarely, if ever, consulted me on anything – and not just the Foundation. You pretty much did whatever you wanted to do – hardly ever considering my needs and feelings. And I said nothing for a long time because I loved you and wanted you to be happy."
His eyes glisten as he looks into her eyes.
"So I said nothing when you changed our agreement without discussing it with me first."
He pauses thinking he needs to speak the whole truth, no matter how painful or embarrassing it might be. He needs to say what has been haunting him for such a long time. The truth must be spoken in this room.
"And if I am to be honest", looking nervously around the room. "I guess I didn't say anything because I didn't want to risk losing you. I was afraid if I brought up the original agreement you would no longer want this – want us", wagging his finger between the two of them.
She is flabbergasted because she had no idea how he felt.
"Liv, a woman like you can really chip away at a man's confidence."
"Fitz –"
"Livvie, you are not responsible for my self-confidence. I get that now - I do." He leans over and swipes his thumb across her cheek, wiping away her tears. "We both have made mistakes. We both have allowed our careers to become more important than our family. And we both need to shed behaviors and insecurities that no longer serve us as a married couple."
He places his hand or her growing stomach.
"Our family is growing. We're having another baby on the way and you know how happy that makes me. But we have to do better babe - for our family. We have to be able to put all of this behind us and move on."
She caresses his face and nods in agreement.
"This was good – really good", Avril says, jumping up and doing a little jig as she rubs her hands together. "I love when we can get down to the real nitty-gritty."
Olivia smiles weakly at the quirky woman.
"Remember, we are not here to fix the blame on any one person - we're here to fix the problem. Today was about understanding each other's perspective. About stopping the pretending. About being honest and truthful. It was about you two coming clean with each other."
They both nod.
"Tomorrow, well that will be about something else. So go back to your villa, have a nice dinner, and get some rest. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow."
Avril walks to the door as Fitz helps Olivia from her seat.
"Thank you, Avril", Olivia gives the woman a genuine smile. "We will see you in the morning."
"Goodnight Avril", putting his hand on his wife's lower back and escorting her from the room.
XXX
They are mentally and emotionally exhausted when they get back to their villa. They ordered dinner and took a long, hot shower. Now, as they sit on the patio eating their dessert, they reflect on their session with the very strange Avril.
"Avril is peculiar, Liv", scooping a spoonful of chocolate ice cream from the blue porcelain bowl.
"Are we slow learners, babe?" She asks, biting into a chocolate-covered strawberry.
"Apparently so. Apparently so." He shakes his head and really smiles for the first time in two months.
"I love you babe", she says, with a smile as bright as his.