Mark Sloan's Point of View:

"Mark…it's not good." Bailey catches me as I ran down the hallway towards the OR. She stopped me by supportively placing her hand on my arm. "She has an acute subdural hematoma. There is also evidence that she had been assaulted physically and sexually. She still has you listed as her next of kin." I am out of breath, sweaty. The elevators take too long. When she had paged me, I ran up the stairs.

"What…the…hell…happened?" I ask between gasps, bending over, putting my hands on my knees. I am trembling, my ribs ache. I'm having trouble catching my breath. No matter how much I suck the air just doesn't seem to fill my lungs. I scribble something that somewhat resembles my signature on the paperwork that Bailey hands me. Consent for the emergency surgery, consent for a rape kit which will be done after the surgery, but before she wakes up and sent off to SVU.

"We don't know exactly what happened. She was just rushed to surgery. An intern found her unresponsive in the attending on call room."

"Is she…" I ask, my mind racing in a million directions. "Surgery? Whose going to…" My legs suddenly go weak. I sink down onto a lowered gurney that had been abandoned in the hallway. I can't put two coherent sentences together. I can't think. My head swirls as I think of her laying exposed on the dirty floor of the on-call room. I feel like I am going to be sick.

"Addison is strong Mark… I need you to hold on to that. Amelia is the best we have. She is scrubbing in now for the operation."

"She can't operate! They're practically sisters." I object finding my voice.

"She's the best we have Mark." Bailey argues. "Her surgical record is cleaner than Derek's and he cannot operate on her for obvious reasons." Her voice is cross now. "It's urgent. We don't have time to call someone in Mark."

"She won't be objective…if something goes wrong, she won't…" My voice breaks and I burry my head in my hands. "Addison left angry… I have to see her. I need to see her just in case."

"There isn't time Mark. Listen…" She sits down on the ground next to me. "They did a portable C T scan to confirm and then rushed her to the O R. She didn't even have time for regular imaging. She's already on the table."

"What if…" I stumble on my words again. I can't say the words. It's not possible. I won't let it be a possibility. She's not going to die. She can't die. She is strong and beautiful. She has come back from so much worse than this. She can do it again can't she? A chill goes my spine and goosebumps cover my skin as I realize she may not be strong enough to come back this time.

"Addison's injuries…they're extensive but listen to me Mark." I look at her, and she gently wipes my tears away. "You do not get to break down. You do not get to fall apart, not when there's still a chance and there IS still a chance Mark. Amelia is the best there is."

Addison Montgomery Shepherd's point of view

Dream Experience during surgery:

I shiver. Snow flurries around me and I struggle to see. Where am I? I cross my arms, trying to protect myself from the bitter cold. I rotate in a small circle, squinting, observing the world around me, trying to get a better grasp on my surroundings. Am I dead? Is this hell? No. Hell is supposed to be hot, isn't it? Maybe I am in purgatory. It takes me a minute, but I see the lake, now frozen over, and the cottage with soft grey smoke coming up from the chimney when the wind dies down. I am not in hell. I am in the meadow again.

"Addison you have to help me!" I hear someone calling my name, and Grace suddenly appears beside me. Her skin is pale from the cold. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened, she's just gone. She vanished."

"What happened?" I ask, panicking. Surely there are not the same dangers here as there are in the outside world are there? It's so cold. How long can a toddler survive?

"She was at the wishing well, she overheard what you said to her father, and she ran. Before I could stop her, this huge storm came out of nowhere and stopped us.'

"What kind of care taker are you?" I explode, enraged. "She's two. How fast could she possibly run away?"

"Time, it moves differently here." Grace mumbles. "It's faster until the wee ones are of adult age and then it slows down. I don't remember the math, but I think she'd be closer to 4 heaven years now maybe five, sorry we don't generally have earthbound guests I don't know the calculations. I do know We have to find her before it's too late. She is only protected here as long as a caretaker is with her, until she reaches a heavenly 18 she has to have a caretaker with her to keep the darkness away."

"We'll find her then." I promise. "Grace, we'll get to her first. Where would she go?"

Ella Montgomery Sloan's Point of View:

I wander through the trees towards the mountain opposite of the lake. I stumble over a root and fall hard on my hands and knees. Angry tears fill my eyes and I sit still for a moment, shocked. My hands and knees are red and stinging from the contact with the wet frozen ground. I don't know how long I've been gone, but my fury keeps my body moving. Exhaustion is beginning to sink in though. I'm so tired. I don't want to climb through these trees any longer. I want Grace. I want my Mommy Bunny.

'Ella you must never go into the woods beyond the wishing well.' Grace's words echo in my head "It's not safe for you there.' I ignore the memory and force myself to get back up. I look around, everything is white. I don't know where I am or where I am going. My goal was simple. I just wanted to get as far away from the wishing well as possible. I didn't think that I would get lost.

"Grace!" I call loudly, but my voice is muted by the shrill wind. I begin to panic now. What if I never find my way back home? "Grace! Help me!" I shriek, not understanding that yelling louder won't help the wind die down enough for her to be able to hear me if she's close.

"How could I not matter?" I think to myself as I kick a rock out of my way. I walk a little bit further, but I am cold. I'm hungry and I am tired. If only I could nap for a little while, the storm would blow over and then I could find my way back home. Surely, I'd feel better right? My eyes are growing heavy as my pace slows. I stumble again, and this time I don't get back up as my eyes close, and unable to contain my exhaustion I fall asleep.

Sometime later I wake to something wet nudging my face and howling. "Wake up little one, it's not safe for you to sleep here." I stir in my sleep, trying to open my eyes, but they're blurry.

"Wow. You're a very pretty wolf. Hi…." I say in awe, reaching my hand up to pet the wolf's black and grey flowing mane. Maybe it is just a figment of my imagination, but she looks like she's glowing.

"My name is Poppy. Come with me. I'll keep you safe until your caregiver finds you. She's with your Momma right now. They're looking for you." Her voice is delicate, soothing like the flower she was named after. I hold onto Poppy for support, but my legs are so cold it hurts to move them. "You have been chosen for a very important task wee one." I climb up onto Poppy's back, wrapping my arms around her neck and resting my head on hers. Poppy walks slowly and steadily, through the trees and further up the side of the mountain.

"I don't want my Mommy here. I hate her!" I pout, but poppy is so arm, like a heated blanket. I loosen my grip as Poppy's heat surges through my body, rejuvenating me. I sit up and balance on Poppy's back as if Poppy was one of the majestic ponies that let me ride them in the meadow.

"Everyone says things they don't mean sometimes wee one."

"Why doesn't she love me anymore?" I ask, my bottom lip trembles. I try to pretend like I don't care but the pain is so new, so fresh. I have never felt something like this before. I don't know how to process it.

"Oh, but she does. She loves you Ella, more than you'll ever know."

Mark Sloan's Point of View

ICU Recovery Room

"Amelia…"

"Stop."

"Please."

"I don't know Mark. I didn't know five minutes ago, and I still don't know now. I am doing everything I can. Addison is doing everything she can, and I need you to do everything you can, which does not include sitting here asking me if she is going to be okay every five minutes because I don't know. I'm so sorry, Mark, I just… I don't know." Amelia takes Addison's limp hand in hers. She scoots her hospital chair closer to Addison's bed. I can see the unshed tears in her eyes as she looks up at the monitor. Addison's stats are still weak, so weak. According to Amelia the operation went perfectly, it was a textbook operation. Addison had lost a substantial amount of blood during the operation, but that complication was easily countered with a blood transfusion once the bleeding had stopped. She was able to finish the operation without incident. I know she would have checked and double checked everything. That's just how Amelia is. There is no reason that Addison should be bottoming out like this. It's almost as if she has given up.

"I just need her to wake up." I say, bringing Amelia out of her thoughts. "She's eight hours post op; shouldn't she be awake by now?"

"She needs more time; we have to give her that. She's been through so much recently. Her brain needs time to heal. Brain surgery, especially one like this, isn't a walk in the park." Her voice is catty. Doesn't she realize that I am hurting too? I should give her more credit though. I am not the one who had that pressure thrown on me. I didn't have to operate. Hurt flashes through my expression before I can stop it.

"We don't have time Amelia." My heart aches as I look at Addison, lifeless on the hospital bed. "You must have made a mistake or …. something. Did you gork her?" I accuse.

"I did my best!" Amelia counters, but her voice cracks.

"You made the choice to do the craniotomy, you with the riskier procedure despite knowing her medical history!" My voice is rising.

"I did what I had to do. I did what I could to…" I can see the anger rising in her. Do I really think that she would risk Addison's life without cause? I don't know. I want to say no, but she is Derek's sister.

"You should have chosen a safer way."

"It's Addison! She's my person! She's my responsibility! Not yours, not anymore you quit on her Mark! When Ella died you quit! How dare you waltz back into her life like your sheer presence is going to be enough to change everything! Like it's going to erase the trauma that she's suffered at his hands…"

"She left me, or did you forget?"

"Do you know what that's like? Do you know the weight that is pressing down on me? If she had died…" Amelia breaks off, running her hands angrily through her dark hair. "I know how to do one things Mark. I am a royal screw up. I am the black sheep of my family. I am the recovering drug addict. I have failed at every single relationship I have ever been in, but I am good at surgery. I am a brilliant surgeon. That's what I have to give to my people." Amelia gestures towards Addison, who remains just as still as ever on the bed. I feel myself softening a little as I sit down on the opposite side of Amelia, rubbing Addison's hand, fiddling with her I V's.

"No." I say, coldly. "If you did your job, she would be awake right now." I spit out the words. Toxic though my pain at the thought of losing her is probably equally as bad as hers. "How do I know you're not high right now?"

"I'm 24 months clean and sober Mark."

"You're not acting like it."

"I was scared to death! The entire time I was in that operating room I was scared…to…death! If I hadn't have been here, she would have bled out on that operating room table and died. So, you don't get to lecture me. You don't get to accuse me, and you certainly do not get to fault me for not wanting to lose another family member. I didn't my best. I gave everything I have."

Ella Montgomery Sloan's Point of View

"STOP!" I scream, sliding off of the great wolf's back. "Do you hear that?"

"Stay close!" Poppy warns.

I turn my head sideways, listening carefully. "That sounds like…" I can't quite place it. "It's a baby crying!" I say, confidently. We don't hear that sound here, but I have heard it from the wishing well before when watching over my Mommy.

"There are no babies in this land." Poppy says, dismissively. "Come on, we must get you back to safety before darkness falls." I shake my head, listening again. There it is. I'm sure of it! It is a baby! Was this the important task that I have been chosen for? My heart is pulling me to fight for the one with the tiny cries. Maybe Poppy doesn't know the details of the task I am supposed to do either. It's such a strong feeling that I can't explain it.

"Well, I guess there's one here now." I say, smartly. My gloominess and anger at my Momma's betrayal momentarily forgotten at the idea of having someone to play with. I take off running towards the sound of the cries, but my little legs are nothing compared to Poppy's. She easily jumps infront of me before I can get lost again.

"Please Poppy?" I ask , eyes large as I investigate the wolf's amber eyes, a tiny pout in my expression. "It must be so cold, so afraid." I am learning, quickly, how to get my way. I don't think I am what people on earth would call a brat, but it seems that people just want to please me.

"You're going the wrong way." Poppy shakes her head. "The wind is throwing the cries."

"Wait? How do you know?" I stop moving, confused.

"Because many moons ago I brought Grace to you Ella."

"You're the angel?!" I ask, realization hitting, my eyes sparkling with recognition and wonder. Grace has told me this bedtime story every single night about how the angel led her through the mountains, and up to the cave where she found me, sleeping in a basket, wrapped in a blanket, and snuggling a stuffed bunny.

"Something like that." Poppy sighs, almost sadly.

"So why don't you want to get the baby?" I ask, stomping my feet in frustration. "It's only a little baby."

"The baby girl is not my assignment, you are, and we have to…"

"NO! We have to make sure that she's safe too! What if the baby is my assignment?" I shriek instantly, throwing myself down on the ground and refusing to move despite the frozen ground stinging my skin. I don't know why I am so insistent on seeing the baby, but in my heart, I know we have to find her. "Take me to her NOW." I demand. "You can protect me."

Mark Sloan's Point of View

Addison's Hospital Room

"She's seizing!" Amelia shouts as Addison's body begins shaking violently. "It looks like a Tonic-Colonic grand mal seizure!" Amelia says, identifying the seizure type. I press the emergency button on the wall and Amelia lays the hospital bed down flat, moving it to it's lowest position. "Help me get her onto her side!" She instructs and together we manage to move her in a way that didn't interfere with the machines that are keeping her alive. "It's okay Addison, we've got you." She soothed, before a separate set of monitors started going haywire.

"Amelia her stats are dropping!" I point out, panicked. The emergency team comes in and pushes the medication that Amelia ordered. Within a minute or so the seizure stops, but her stats are lower than ever. "Her BP and O2 are crashing!"

"We can't do anything, Mark we have to wait it out." She says, irritated.

"Can't you order more medicine? Different medicine?" I ask, not taking my eyes from the monitors.

"I guess if I wanted to assist her on her suicide mission, I could do that." Amelia answers bitterly after dismissing the nurses and doctors from the room. She throws the chart she is holding against the wall hard. Papers scatter onto the floor. "She's maxed out and not responding to the medication as she should. If she's…" Her voice breaks as sadness floods it. "If she's given up there is nothing I can do."

"Put her in a medically induced coma. It worked before it will work again. She just needs time." I insist, flashing back, just for a second to Addison laying battered and bruised in the hospital bed after the car accident. "You have to fight for her Amelia, since when did you give up?" I demand.

"She can't handle it Mark, she's weaker this time. She hasn't had enough time for her body to recover from all of her previous injuries, let alone the new ones. She is going through hell right now."

"We have to try! You're doing nothing is what's going to kill her!"

"Intervening may kill her! The paralyzing agent alone…"

"What are you not telling me?" I stress, our eyes lock and I know whatever it is, it isn't good, and it's been eating her a live for some time now. "You never back down from a fight Amelia."

"Addison signed a DNR Mark. If her heart stops, I legally cannot save her." She says, finally.

"You're lying! She would never do something like that!" I exclaim, so sure, so positive that Amelia was wrong, but the look of despair on her face tells me she is being anything but deceitful. "When did this happen?" I ask, gentler.

"After Ella died, she went back to Derek." Her eyes are somber. I can tell it hurts her to say his name. He is her big brother. He was meant to protect her, to be her role model. Her face is pale.

"What happened?"

"He hurt her. He hurt her and I found her in the hotel room with a gun." She says, taking a deep breath and begins telling Mark the story of that night.

Amelia Shepherd's Point of View:

FLASHBACK

Random Hotel

"Addison please don't do this!" I say, trying to keep my voice calm and steady as I take a tiny step towards Addison. She is sitting on the side of the bed with a gun pressed to her temple. "You're hurting, what can I do to help?" I ask. Dark red blood is soaking the long-sleeved bathrobe Addison is wearing. I don't knave to see her arms to know that she's been cutting again.

"Go away Amy. There is nothing you can do." Addison says, quietly. Her voice is calm, numb. "You can't bring my baby back, Ella is gone." She moves her hands to her chest uncomfortably rubbing it with her free hand. I can tell from the opening in her top that her breasts are hard and engorged, swollen with milk meant for a baby she never even got to meet. My heart aches as she mentions Ella's name. "You cannot make him love me, Amelia. You can't even make him leave me alone."

"You have to bring charges against him Addison. The police can help you." Derek has her so brainwashed. He tells her that he only hits her because he loves her, he wants her to be better. He wants to improve herself as a reflection of him. If only she was prettier, or thinner, or smarter. If only she could manage to keep the house spotless and dinner on the table by 6pm when even though she knows she is not allowed to eat until he gets home, and he is rarely ever home by then. All of this while still managing to juggle a fifty-to-seventy-hour work week. If only she would have been able to give him a child. Maybe he'd love her if they had a baby together. The thoughts of what he tells her haunt me. The only reason that I know is because of the things she has told me, because of what I've witnessed firsthand. She didn't want a baby with Derek. She wanted a baby with Mark. She wanted Ella more than anything. I want to physically shake her for going back to Derek. Why didn't she just stay with Mark and work through it? I know she has tremendous guilt over Ella's loss.

"No." I agree. I swallow hard to keep from crying, thinking of Ella's funeral and the unbelievably tiny, beautiful baby girl they were mourning. "I can't bring your baby back, and I am so sorry." I take a couple tinier steps towards her. "I can't make my idiot of a big brother realize that you are the BEST thing that has ever happened to him, but I'm here, and I can stay with you now."

"Why would you do that?" She ask, I was making small steps and shuffling towards her, but I realize that she is absent mindedly moving her finger on and off the trigger, she's rubbing circles on the smooth metal barrel. "I have a gun… I'm unstable…I could shoot you." I cringe when she says this, a chill running up my spine with every single movement of her finger on the weapon. I half expect that at any second, I will hear the blast and she will fall to the ground, gone forever like my father. The circumstances completely different, but the weapons the same.

"I think you're in trouble Addison." One step. "I love you, and I am worried about you." Two steps. "We're family and family has to look out for each other." I am standing right Infront of her now. I have to fight down the urge to just tackle her, grab the weapon from her grasp, and throwing it out the window of this fifty-two-story building that we're in. I take a deep breath, "Addie, everything's going to be okay. We can both walk out of here."

"Amelia, I swear to God if you don't back up, I'll…" But she winces in pain and presses her hand to her stomach. I know it must be extremely painful still after the c-section and placental abruption. She grimaces and bites her lip to hold back the tears as she breathes too deeply.

"You'll what?" I counter stubbornly, but my concern for Addison is deep. My voice melts. "You were in a horrific accident. You just had major surgery. You just got released after being in a medically induced coma for days. You lost your baby. You can barely walk. I have a feeling I'm not the one who's really in danger right now." I say gently. Something must have snapped in Addison then, because she with trembling hands turns the gun from herself to me. I go very still, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Back up Amelia."

"This isn't the first time a gun has been pulled on me, and it certainly won't be the last." I say, trying to keep my tone even, laughing nervously. I put my hands up in surrender though. "I'm not here to hurt you Addison. You called me here remember?" I ask gently. "I don't think you want to hurt anybody, you called for help. I think that's really brave of you. I need you to be brave again. You need medical attention Addison."

"I was supposed to be dead by the time you got here. I just… I just didn't want him to be the one who found me, or the housekeepers, they already deal with so much." Addison coughs and tears fall from her eyes as she closes her eyes tightly from the pain coughing causes. I'm pretty sure she has a broken rib. Her skin looks clammy, I'm betting she has a fever. Derek must not have been very gracious about her return after Ella's funeral.

"You're hurting Addie." I say again, acknowledging Addison's pain both physically and emotionally. I hate having to be the strong one. I wonder if either of us are strong, or if we both feel like it's our job to protect the other from themselves? She's like a big sister to me. I'd give my life for hers. "Hand me the gun Addison."

"I'll…. I'll shoot you too! Do you think I won't shoot you?" She asks, but her voice is wavering. She is getting tired. I can tell. Anger flashes in her eyes when I smirk at her. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I don't believe you want to kill me anymore than I believe that you want to kill yourself."

"You're wrong."

"No, I'm not wrong Addison."

"You don't know me."

"But I do know you. I know that you're scared and you're crying out for help. I know that if you really wanted to kill yourself you would have quietly slipped away in the night. You wouldn't have called for help. Calling for help is brave, and it shows me that you don't want to die tonight."

"I can't… I just can't…" She says, numbly.

"You'll get through this." I whisper, and Addison completely breaks down, lowering the gun. I quickly take it from her, clearing the round and taking out the magazine. I move both away from Addison before sitting down on the bed next to her and pulling her into my arms as she weeps.

"Please don't tell Derek." She begs, weakly. She rests her head on my shoulder. "Amelia I just want to die. I want to be with my baby. I want to be free."

"I know you do, and that hurt will never go away. We'll work through it though, together. Everything is going to be Okay. Addison, I promise. We're in this together."

END FLASHBACK