Feels Like Home:
Authors Note: Omgosh thank you for the reviews! I wasn't sure if anyone would like this or not, but I love this story and am greatly enjoying writing on it. 3 This universe is one of my favorites so I'm glad that you're enjoying it too!
Chapter 2:
"Oh my God." I gasp, shocked at the sheer strangeness of the situation before me. I back away, closing the door and allowing myself to gather my thoughts before opening the door again and walking in.
"Addison this isn't what it looks like." Derek says and I suck in a breath through my teeth.
"Oh, this is exactly what it looks like. My question is what in the hell are you doing?" I ask him. I wouldn't have even been looking for him, but I need a consult. My patient is in preterm labor at risk of intercranial hemorrhage due to extreme preeclampsia. The stress of pushing could be too much for her body to handle and cause a bleed. I want to do a C-Section, but she wants an all-natural, medication free holistic birth. I told her I would get her a second opinion. Willow accidentally told me about the affair last week, free of charge. Just a random bit of information that children give when it's their normal life and they don't realize that it's something to be ashamed of that should remain quiet. Finding the exact supply closet her father was in was trickier. I paged him repeatedly, and when he still did not respond two full hours later, I decided to track him down without much luck. I ran into Willow and asked her if she knew where her daddy was. Of course, she did.
'You can't find him because he's not in a supply closet. On Friday's he meets the green haired girl in the on-call room on the 5th floor.'
She was reluctant to sell him out, afraid she would get into trouble, but she finally told me the truth when I explained to her that it was an emergency. It only cost me two five-gallon buckets of slime, specifically the mermaid and unicorn ones from Walmart, and a large bag of sour skittles. She refused cash.
'No, you can't give me cash. I'm ten. Don't you think my parents would find it suspish if I suddenly had cash?' She had asked. 'They know I have a weakness for sweets, slime, blind bags, and zero budgeting skills. Do you want me to be grounded? I am doing YOU a favor. You're not worth me getting my iPad taken away.'
'Still festering a little bit of a grudge, I see.'
'Agree to my terms or we have no deal.'
I gave her an IOU instead, letting her know I would go to the store after work tonight. I don't know how it is more suspicious to have cash than it is to have random slime and two-pound bags of candy, but anyway… She gave me the information I need. That's what matters. Maybe if they ask, she'll tell them she bought it with her pocket money. I hate Walmart so much. I'd prefer to just shop at wholefoods or online I mean aside from shopping for clothes, shoes, and handbags. I don't get those things from Walmart though. Derek coughs, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"I didn't think you'd need an explanation, according to Mark you're skilled. You never did the things he bragged about with me. I kind of wish you would have let me see your dirty side. We would have had a lot more fun." He says, smugly. The green haired girl, Amber, gives me a dirty look. I know that look. Longing. Frustration that her 'fun' had been interrupted before completion.
"Well, that's something you'll never experience, I guess you'll have to take his word for it."
"Do you mind?" Derek asks, gesturing towards the clothing thrown about the room, and to the door.
"Suddenly shy?" I ask him.
"Forget it." He says, they both scramble around the room pulling on their underclothing, scrubs and then picking up their belongings. I stand in the doorway, not moving.
"Derek I'd better go. I have rounds anyway." She says, noticing that he hasn't taken his eyes off me since I walked in the room and saw what they were doing.
"Rounds that you are…" I look at my watch. "Twenty-three minutes late for. You should go. Your job and staying on your Attending's good side should be your main priority. Not only that but he's married with two kids. This is trashy and your both worth so much more than super slutty booty calls in the supply closets and once a week upgrades to the fifth floor on call room."
"Who even are you?" She demands. I try not to feel insulted at this. Even though she has never met me I am a beacon in the medical community. Even if she did not know who I am through her time at medical school she should have seen the email that was sent out this morning, announcing the interns shuffle, and a paragraph with an accompanying picture about the Attending and Resident they are assigned to. She is too close. I take a few deep breaths, steadying myself.
"Addison please don't." Derek warns. She is so close that I can smell her chewing gum. I know it is meant to be strawberry kiwi, but it smells of vomit. The moment passes and she takes a step back again. She digs in her purse and pulls a brush out. She brushes out her long green hair and pulls it in to a ponytail and then sprays on some cheap body mist.
"For starters I'm his wife's best friend." I say, trying to keep my voice calm, level. Can I really say that we're best friends after not speaking for four years aside from the weekly "I'm alive" copy pasted text message? I guess at this point the details don't really matter. She looks at him, a look of betrayal. She's a good actress. I'd almost believe this performance if it wasn't so dramatized. Meredith and Derek are so gross with their vibrant display of "We're the perfect couple-ness.' That it makes ME sick, and I've only been back a week. If she has been here an entire year and can't see that she must be blind or emotionally void.
"I didn't know he was married; I swear it."
"Cut the crap. Do you really expect me to believe that?" I ask her.
"This isn't her fault Addison." Derek says, and I narrow my eyes at him. "I really didn't tell her, and Meredith has been taking so much time off to deal with the kids extra curriculars that she is hardly ever here on Friday's."
"Well, the kids are here today."
"They shouldn't be." Derek insists. "Something must have gotten canceled. Shit. I haven't' checked my texts." He takes out his phone, and groans. "Both equestrian lessons and social group were canceled due to the weather."
"Normally I wouldn't care who you're screwing." I say carefully. "That's none of my business." I say, ignoring Derek.
"You're right, it's not." She replies.
"This goes further than the fact that you are sleeping with an attending though." I inform her.
"Oh? How?" She asks.
"If you would have bothered to check your email or show up on time for rounds, you'd know that I am your new OB attending. You were assigned to me this morning in the intern shuffle." Her face drops as she realizes, I'm guessing, just how badly she's messed up and the hell that I could make her life. "I now see why you had to repeat your intern year." I say, looking at the two of them distastefully. "You've been too busy sleeping with married men to study." I frown at her. "I hope your sex life pays well because at least then it's an honest day's work and not just you being a whore and throwing this opportunity away."
"That's not fair, and you can't call me a whore!" She screams, and I look at Derek.
"We do things differently around here now Addison. She's right, you can't call her a whore." He says, and I struggle not to role my eyes at him. "Clearly you haven't been put through any sensitivity training. You could really benefit. It would greatly enhance your frigid personality."
"He came on to ME! This is sexual assault, a blatant abuse of power and you calling me names as a result of what he put me through is creating a toxic work environment and personal defamation of character. I could go to the media and have this hospital on the verge of shutdown in fifteen minutes flat!"
"Uh huh." I say unconcerned. "You do that." She glares at me with such hatred, but I don't back down. "I WILL be speaking with your resident, and the chief about your placement in this program. In the meantime, I want you to find your resident and tell them I've placed you on scut until further notice."
"You can't do that!" She objects "I have surgery in an hour!"
"Interns are a dime a dozen. I'm sure they'll be able to find someone else. In fact, I will personally scrub in myself if they are unable to."
"That's hazing!" She exclaims. She reminds me more of when Heavenly and Willow were little and used to throw temper tantrums than a grown woman in the state-of-the-art medical residency program.
"No. No it's not." I say, coming close to her. "Do you really want to try me?" I ask her. "You have no idea who you are talking to. I am here to tell you now that having your attending find you in the on-call room having sex with one of your superiors is not a great way to make a first impression. I am not the person you want to cross, especially considering how much time we will be spending together." She's shaking her head, looking like she wants nothing more than to hit me. If she was a cartoon there would be steam coming from her ears. "The first and most important thing you need to know about me is when I say do something you do it, immediately, without question." She looks at me, blinking back tears.
"Now scut!" I say, and she pushes past me, crying.
"That's harsh, even for you." Derek says. "I think I'll call you Frosty from now on. Did you have to be so hard on her?"
"Oh, don't worry, you didn't magically escape my shit list. Right now, I need a consult though. Mrs. Beqerdoirs. Room 432. How long were you in here with that intern? I paged you repeatedly."
"Well first we had a shower and then..."
"Nevermind… I don't want to know."
"You sure? You interrupted at just the best part."
"Absolutely sure."
"Fine, lets go." He says, and we leave the on- call room together. We walk to the elevator. After a few moments the elevator dings, the doors open, and we get on. "How did you even find me?" He asks. "The fifth floor isn't surgical." He presses the button to take us back down to the 4th floor. Maternity and Pediatrics.
"You weren't exactly being quiet in there. I'm sure half the hospital knows about your little affair by now." I push the button repeatedly as if that will make it go any faster.
"Please don't tell Meredith. Addison I'm begging you. I'll do whatever you want."
"As tempting as that offer is, I don't have to tell her. She already knows." I say, and I watch as his face crumbles. He didn't know that she knows. "Your 10-year-old knows as well." I inform him. "She's so much smarter than you give her credit for being."
"Willow knows?" He chokes on the words.
"You should really be ashamed of yourself Derek. You're being so sloppy that your child has managed to figure out what you're doing. If you didn't want your family to find out, you should have worked harder to hide the truth from them and protect them from your stupidity. Things like this… they're damaging Derek. They leave lasting scars. It stays with you."
"I'm not your father Addison. I love my children."
"Yet here you are making the same mistakes he did." I say, and Derek is silent. "I don't care what you do with your marriage. Meredith can move on; she's strong. She'll get over you if that's what you choose to do. Your children won't though. You're their father for better or for worse. If you love them, you need to do better. Don't make them cover for you."
"I'm so sorry you had to deal with Amber and Derek today." Meredith says later that day when she finds me in the skills lab. I wasn't expecting her and jump, startled. The startle reflux caused me to move the fake scalpel in just the right way that I accidentally severed the amniotic sac and placentas of two of the four babies. The skills simulator flashes red, signaling that I've killed my fake computer simulated twins and the mother is crashing. I sigh and turn the machine off. Real surgery is so much easier. The TTTS mom has made it to fifteen weeks, still completely dead set against surgery. I really hope this does not end in tragedy. If she goes into labor before twenty-four weeks there is virtually nothing that can be done to save the babies. I mean, of course I'd try. My team would try, but babies born that prematurely are so small, so delicate. Even the smallest of equipment is too large. There have been some cases of babies as young as twenty-two weeks gestation surviving and living a full and healthy life. Those cases are so rare though. In the case of multiples, the babies are already smaller than average. I don't want to get my hopes up too high. I don't want to fail this mother and her children. I don't want her to go home with even one less baby than she came to the hospital with. It's so difficult when my morals do not align with hers. Untreated TTTS that presents before twenty weeks is already so rare and is associated with approximately a ninety percent mortality rate if left untreated. Still, she insists the quads are fine, and she doesn't want to risk their lives by operating. It's extremely rare in a case of quadruplets that both sets of twins have TTTS. My heart hurts so badly for her.
"I'm not sorry." I say.
"Oh?" Meredith asks, looking surprised.
"My patient today survived; she now has a beautiful baby to show for my troubles with Derek." I shrug, as if our little confrontation today was the least of my worries.
"You're different." Meredith observes, and I look at her, confused.
"How so?" I ask. "I'm the same person I always was."
"No." she says, shaking her head hard to emphasize. "You yelled at an intern today." She looks conflicted. She's looking at me like she doesn't know who I am anymore.
"That's not uncommon." I remind her. "We worked together for years before I got sick. You know me, professionally and personally. Yet you're surprised? She's sleeping with your husband. Did you really think I wouldn't yell at them?"
"We don't do things like that anymore Addison. We have to be gentle with the interns, nurture their learning environment." She says, and I shake my head. "Intern abuse is wrong Addison. I found her hiding in a supply closet crying."
"You know what she's done and you're mad at ME for yelling at her?" I ask. "She wasn't just screwing your husband in the on-call room. She was twenty-three minutes late for rounds. My patient almost died because I couldn't get ahold of Derek."
"You didn't have to make her cry."
"Look, I don't care what you do with your marriage. That's your business. I'm not going to inject myself in your business. I just don't care. The only reason I put myself into your business is because my patient's life was on the line because your husband prioritized a piece of skanky intern ass over his job."
"He made a mistake. He loves me. He loves our girls." I look at her sympathetically when she says, 'a mistake', implying a singular action. I know it was not just this once. It is never only once.
"Still your business. I don't care Meredith." I say. "It doesn't change what happened today. I would have been equally annoyed if it was you in that on call room. You do not ignore a nine one one page."
"This is exactly what I mean. You don't care." She says, frowning at me. I take a moment, wondering if there is any truth to this. When Heavenly died I chose the numbness over feeling. Am I doing the same thing now with the medications I take daily? I'm not sure.
"Is there something you would have done differently? Because God knows I'm out of practice dealing with slutty interns. I could always use some pointers." I don't know what makes me say this, but I let it sit like a dark cloud in the air all the same. "They gave me three interns to baby-sit today. I'm stuck with them until either they leave, or I do." She nods, almost sympathetically at this. "Today I find my possibly most problematic intern naked, riding an attendings dick. The same attending who happens to be my best friend's husband. The same attending who almost got my patient killed. Today hasn't been the best on the spectrum of days I've had recently."
"I know what happened. I don't need a play by play." She says quickly. "You work at a teaching hospital Addison. You're not going to get special privileges. Did you really think you'd be immune to the hell the rest of us go through every year?"
"Possibly, considering I'm a traveling surgeon and only here temporarily, that's beside the point though." I say, wondering if she has always been this placid or if I broke her in the time, she stayed with me. I don't remember her ever being this gentle and agreeable. The Meredith I knew would have screamed. She would have yelled, gotten angry, and demanded Derek show her the respect she deserves. "I guess we've both changed."
"Just take it easy on her Addison." Meredith begs. "She's young. She's vulnerable. She really is a good intern; she could be a brilliant doctor if given half a chance. This version of you will break her. She can't handle that right now."
"If she can't handle the pressure, she should not be working in such a high-risk environment."
"Please. Addison please just do this one thing for me."
"Lets just switch." I suggest. "If you want her so badly you can take her." I say, highly suspicious of her protectiveness and grace towards this woman. Any other circumstances would have had Meredith's life crumbling like a cookie around her. It's not nothing. What Derek did is a break in trust. A crack in the foundation. It doesn't go away. I still miss Mark to this day. Sometimes for that split second before I fully wake up in the morning, I can almost feel him on the bed next to me. I reach for him, and then wake up, and remember he has moved on all over again. I hope he's happy with her, with their children. I saw them picking up the children from the childcare center a few days ago. They have three children together now. Shortly after the first was born she got pregnant again, this time with boy-girl twins. They created this whole life together. They bought a house with a yard outside of the city and he commutes to work every day. They have the perfect life.
"We can't switch." Meredith informs me, pulling me from my thoughts. I look up at her disappointed. "I'm not OB. She switched from general when she failed her intern exams, claiming she needed an easier specialty."
"My specialty isn't easy." I remind her. "It's not a soft choice."
"Maybe she was just hoping for a change."
"Fantastic." I say, lackadaisical. She couldn't handle adults, and now she wants to work with laboring moms and newborns. I rub my temples trying to massage out another headache forming. Something registers in my mind, information coming together and switching on like a light. "Oh Meredith." I breathe gently, that makes this whole situation so much worse. She looks confused at my sudden change of tone. This must be the case. It's the only thing in my mind that makes sense. The only thing that would explain her protectiveness she still feels towards Amber despite what she's done. "You were her Attending." I say, quietly.
"Whatever you think you've just figured out, you don't know the half of it." Meredith says. "I don't want to talk about it. Derek and I are working things out."
"Okay." I say, quickly forming a plan. Maybe it is not the best, but I have to use this to my advantage. I would be stupid not to. "You want to protect Amber?" I ask, and she nods.
"Talk to your husband. Tell him to leave her alone, because if I so much as even think I see them behaving in anything other than a professional manner during work hours she's out. My patient could have died to day Meredith. I don't have time for her. She is a liability to my patients, my reputation, and to this hospital."
"It's not just her I'm protecting." Meredith says. "Derek will get fired Addison." She's speaking so quietly I have to strain to hear her. "He's already been given an official warning over an incident that happened five years ago. They don't fall off your record unless you change hospitals." This registers with me. Five years ago. Right around the time that Oakley was born. "It's against the rules of this hospital for someone in a supervisory position to have a relationship with someone not of equal status as them." She says. "There are probably some sexual harassment assault rape prevention violations in there as well."
"He made that choice on his own Meredith." I say, I should be more empathetic. I at least partially caused this problem. Meredith basically moved in with me when I couldn't cope with the fuckery of my own life. I think back to Ambers threats in the on-call room. I thought she was bullshitting but apparently her threats are credible. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her own choices. He didn't assault her. There was mutual consent. It shouldn't be an assault complaint, though I guess she could frame it that way.
"Please Addison…" She is on the verge of tears. I sigh, so ready for this day to just be over. "He is in the middle of a groundbreaking clinical trial. Our family depends on this. His job is his life. He would be absolutely devastated if he couldn't operate, and the clinical trial was shut down."
"I guess you found your motivation then. You can save both of their asses."
"Please don't yell at her Addison."
"My question is why aren't you yelling at her? Maybe if you would have yelled at her more, she would have respected you enough to not take complete and total advantage of you like this. You're not her doormat Meredith."
"What the hell happened to you?"
"I learned how to save my own life. What happened to you?" I counter.
"I don't know." Meredith admits, but I have a feeling there is more to this. She's not telling me the whole truth, and she hesitated before giving me the vague answer that she did.
"You're going to have to sort your shit. Figure it out."
"Aunt Addison?!" A little voice in the pitch-black house asks, excitedly when I open the door to the brownstone and walked inside. I turn on the light. When she had spoken, she startled me, causing me to scream and drop the grocery bags I was carrying.
"Are ya'll trying to kill me?" I demand. They scramble to their feet and over to me, helping me to pick up the groceries and haul them into the kitchen. They dump them onto the counter, looking unimpressed.
"Oreos, monster energy drinks, coffee, bubble gum…. are you sure that you're an adult?" Oakley asks me, as she stands on her tip toes to better survey the items on the counter.
"Do your parents know where you are?" I ask them. "How did you even get in here."
"Like we always do." Willow says in a creepy little singsong voice. "The window to the basement in the back garden can be opened from the outside when it isn't locked from the inside."
"Always?"
"Mummy and Daddy are arguing again. They told us to go play outside." Oakley explains.
"It's 8pm." I point out.
"We're aware." Willow says, showing me her apple watch with a sparkly purple protector on it. "They'll call when they want us to come home." She is so unconcerned with just how strange this is. Now that the light is on, she pulls out the book she has brought with her. Harriett the Spy.
"I'm sure they just meant go play outside in your back garden girls."
"Well, they should have been more specific then." Oakley chimes in. "I have a watch too… isn't it sparkly?!" She asks, holding her tiny wrist up for me to examine her watch. She has the same sparkly cover as Willow's, but hers is bubblegum pink.
"Does this sort of thing happen often?" I ask her.
"Increasingly since Daddy started visiting the green haired girl last year." Willow says. "It's okay though. I make sure Oakley is safe. She's my responsibility when we are not around Mommy and Daddy."
"I appreciate that honey, but that isn't your responsibility. You're just a little girl yourself."
"I'm used to it. It's not a big deal."
"Have ya'll eaten anything yet?" I ask, deciding to change the subject. Willow opens her book and starts reading.
"I'm hungry!" Oakley announces at the same time I asked.
"We could eat." Willow agrees. "Mommy was cooking dinner when Daddy got home. They started arguing and she threw the hot pan at him. I hate carry out nights. The delivery people take forever." She says glumly as Oakley makes a disgusted face and fake gags at the thought of delivery. They sit down at the kitchen table and Willow reads aloud from her book to Oakley. I look at the lack of kid friendly foods in the fridge.
"What about a sandwich and fruit." I ask them. "I have some almond milk as well, and you could have oreos for dessert."
"Sure." They agree.
"Are you allergic to anything? Your parents wouldn't think very highly of me if I accidentally kill you."
"Nope." Willow says. "We're just normal, cute, uncomplicated kids." I give her a look, but don't say anything. Somehow, I doubt their lives are as uncomplicated as they make them seem. I fix the sandwiches and give them a portion of apple slices, milk, and two cookies each. It's the best I can do for now. My groceries I just bought do not contain anything with nutritional value. With my new work schedule, I am never home at mealtimes. I eat at the hospital, or on the way to the hospital. We sit in silence for a while as they eat their meal and I pack the slime and skittles into a reusable shopping bag for Willow to carry home with her.
"So…" I start as they are finishing up. "I don't mind if you come over for a visit, when I am home, but you cannot break into my house anymore." I say. I'm still trembling at the thought that I may have hurt them, thinking they were intruders.
"Aunt Addison we always put the toys away." Willow protests. "We never make messes. You wouldn't even have known we were here if you didn't find us." At the same time as Oakley cries. "But I want to play with the girl who lives here! We play dollies together. She is my favorite friend." The sound of their protests jumbles together in my brain, but a cold chill runs down my spine when I work out what Oakley had said. Nobody's here I remind myself. It's just her overactive imagination. It has to be stories that Willow has told her. Ghosts are not real. I cannot allow myself to fall down that rabbit hole again. I have to be strong, and if I believe I will break. I will crumble again. It's too much.
"I know, and it's not that I don't want you here." I say, trying to sound extra soothing. I am still unsure how big of a role I want to play in their lives. When I originally came back it was with the intention of keeping my distance. "It's not safe for you to be home alone, in anyone's home. You're just not old enough and you can't be in someone else's home without their permission."
"We didn't break in… the window was open." Willow protests.
"It doesn't matter." I say, shaking my head trying hard to stop shaking.
"Aunt Addison, you're crying." Oakley says, concerned. I quickly wipe the tears away. "Are you mad at us? Are we in trouble?"
"I'm sorry. I'm fine. You both just really scared me. You're not in trouble." Trembling I take out my Smith and Wesson 9mm from where I have it concealed on my waist. I show it to them. They look at me, confused. I explain to them that this is a real weapon and not a toy. "This is why you cannot break into someone's home. If you scared someone and they have a gun they could shoot you. They could kill you girls. It doesn't matter that you're children. We live in New York. According to the Castle Doctrine Law you can stand your ground in your own home of residence."
"Would you have shot us?" Oakley asks, looking shaken. "We didn't do anything bad."
"No." I say quickly, trying to convince myself as much as I am the frightened children. I am still shaken by the what ifs. It's something that a person whose child died by gun violence bought a gun to protect herself, but here we are. The determining factor was the thought that kept pulling at my mind. If the teachers at the childcare center had been armed would my daughter still be alive right now? The answer? Maybe. If they were in the right place at the right time, she could still be here with me. I miss her every minute of every single day.
"Can we still come visit you? We really missed you." Willow is not nearly as phased as Oakley is. Maybe she has blocked out the traumatic memories of what happened to her that day at the hospital daycare. Maybe it's the medication or maybe she just isn't afraid of dying. I don't know which scenario is scarier.
"Yes, but only when I am home and only with your parent's permission. Give me your watches, both of you." I have a sneaking suspicion that Meredith and Derek don't have any idea where these kids are half the time. I have no idea how social services hasn't become involved. They're busy with their own issues, and since they can't keep a nanny… I wonder if I made the right choice. When I handed Oakley over it was to two adults who I knew to be competent, stable parents. This doesn't seem safe. These children need some serious adult intervention. I'm not what they need, but what if I'm just what they have? The person they need is the person who shows up right?
"But…" They protest. I shake my head at them, I put my weapon away while explaining to them once again it isn't a toy. I snap the holster closed and make sure that it is secure to the strap on my body so that there is no way they can get ahold of it. "Give me your watches." I say again, holding my hand out. "Right now." They sigh dramatically but take them off and slide them across the table. I program my phone number into each of their watches and set myself to speed dial number three. (Meredith and Derek rightfully have the first two places.) I pass their watches back to them and explain what I've done. They reattach them to their wrists. "Now you have a way to contact me if you need me. No more of this sneaking around." So much for not being involved.
"You can't tell me what to do!" Oakley says in a singsong voice. "You're not my mommy!" Willow must have seen the shock in my eyes as I try to keep my facial expression emotionless. She is looking to see how I react, trying to guess my actions before I make them. It looks like she is about to say something, to keep her little sister in check. I lock eyes with her and shake my head no ever so slightly. She remains silent. I don't know how much of the situation she remembers. If I've damaged her with this responsibility of being a big sister to the little human I've created. Surely being a big sister isn't traumatizing right? It still plagues my brain though. I wasn't thinking of the consequences. I was purely thinking of myself, knowing that Oakley wasn't safe with me. How much trauma could I have saved everyone from if I had walked away as soon as I was released from the hospital?
"You're right, I'm not your Mommy." I tell Oakley carefully. "But this is my home, and if you want to play here you have to follow my rules."
"I'm sorry your sad Aunt Addison." Willow says. "We'll be good. I promise."
"I'm just shaken." I say and then "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Fine." Oakley grumbles. "You're not nearly as fun as I thought you would be."
"I'm your Aunt. It is not my job to be fun when you're doing something that could get you hurt or in trouble." I take my cell phone out and text Meredith. I let her know I have the girls and that they're safe. I don't want to call her if she's still arguing with Derek. I let her know they can spend the night, or she can come collect them when she's ready for them. She doesn't respond, just leaves the text on read.
"Did you not want children?" Oakley asks innocently, I frown at her. It seems like a very mature question for such a little girl to be asking. "Why is the girl all by herself? Did you buy the toys for her?" I don't say anything for a while, she just watches me.
"Aunt Addison has all of these toys because she used to baby-sit us when we were little!" Willow covers for me, quickly and flawlessly when it is apparent, I am not going to say anything. I smile at her gratefully.
"I don't remember that!"
"You were just a tiny baby." Willow clarifies. "Can we go play? We'll pick up the toys when we're done. Mommy hasn't called for us to come home yet."
"I suppose so." I look at my watch, it's almost nine thirty. I get up and start a pot of coffee. I need caffeine to soothe the building anxiety. "Just for a little while. If your mommy isn't here in the next hour ya'll can sleep upstairs." They smile big and put their plates and cups in the sink before running off towards the basement. Oakley goes all the way down, but Willow, realizing I am not following them comes back up the stairs. She watches as I take down one of my favorite mugs from the cabinet.
"Come play with us Aunt Addison… Please?" She asks.
"No, you go, I'll wait here incase your Mommy comes to get you."
"Are you scared to go in the basement?" Willow asks me. "Are you worried about what Oakley said? She doesn't know any better. She's only a little kid."
"It's not so long ago that you were only a little kid who was convinced she was seeing a ghost."
"I think it's something you just grow out of." She says, mature beyond her years. I think back to what she said before, when she blamed the medication for her not being able to see Heavenly.
"Sweetie it's not your job to protect me, or my feelings. You're a child too. You should be playing and having fun. That's what children are supposed to do."
"I don't want to play if you're not coming." She says in a huff. We can hear Oakley's little voice talking and playing downstairs, oblivious to the fact her big sister didn't come down. "Oakley is old enough she can play on her own, and anyway, Heavenly's here. Don't you hear Oakley talking to her?"
"You still believe?" I ask her, and she nods. "And Oakley?" She nods again.
"I didn't tell her stories. There's nothing to make up. She's just always been here. I don't need to tell her stories when she has eyes and can see the truth for herself. She can see what I can't anymore." She sounds so sad. A chill runs down my spine as I listen to Oakley talking to someone in the basement, a very one-sided conversation as she giggles and plays.
"You read while I do the dishes then." I offer.
"Let me do the dishes for you." She says, quickly getting up, moving to the sink and starting the water. "It's one of my chores at home anyway. Mommy fired the maid last week after she couldn't get food coloring to come out of the marble countertop. Oakley and I made slime. It was epic!"
"You wash and I'll rinse." I compromise. I give her a concerned look; but she agrees, and I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down at the kitchen table, taking a long drink of the piping hot liquid. She sorts the dishes and then adds them to the sink, wiping each clean carefully with a sponge and sitting them in the other side for me to rinse and put in the drainer.
"Thank you for being so helpful." I say, with a little smile.
"Helpful people are more likely to get what they want." She says, shrugging. I go to the sink and start rinsing as she hands me the last dish.
"Oh? What is it you want? More contraband?"
"Nothing. Never mind." She says and is silent while I finish rinsing the dishes and placing them in the drainer. She sits down at the table, and I sit down next to her before she looks up at me and finally says "Maybe there is something." Before I can press her further, she continues quickly. "I just want to be back here; I want to be here with you. I want to remember when I was happy again."
Authors Note:
Thank you so much for reading Chapter 2 of Feels Like home! PLEASE review and let me know what you're thinking so far. Questions, comments, concerns? I love creepy little Willow. I love how Oakley isn't perfect and has bratty moments. I love how Addison has had at least some growth and is different than she was in my story "In My Blood" which took place roughly over the course of eighteen months after Heavenly's death. Maybe we're seeing a bit of who she was before that great loss.