ADDISON MONTGOMERY's POINT OF VIEW:

I am sitting in the kitchen, my head resting on the table. I am half asleep when Meredith lets herself into my brownstone the evening following the situation with Oakley. Meredith looks from me to the bottle of vodka on the counter and tisks. I hate when she tisks. It's her way of showing extreme disappointment or disapproval. I look up at her. My head spins. I'm hot. I can feel my face flushing. She is scribbily. She's moving too much. She looks like a water-colored version of herself. A painting where all of the colors are blurring together. I wonder what my blood alcohol content is if it's so bad that I cannot even see straight? I blink several times and my vision clears, but only somewhat. I think she came straight from the hospital. She's still wearing her scrubs and her hospital badge.

"How long has this been going on?" She asks. "I came by to check on you. You weren't at work today." She informs me, as if I need reminding that I didn't bother dragging myself off the couch, and lied to my supervisor this morning, when they called to see where I was asking for the day off due to the stomach flu. I had only moved from the couch to the kitchen around an hour before she arrived. I only did this because I ran out of alcohol in the living room. "Everclear." She says, picking up the bottle. "190 proof. Jesus Addison. Going straight to the hard stuff this time round are you?"

"Seriously? Giving the circumstances you'd be drinking too."

"I would not." She insists.

"Only because you're pregnant." I argue. "If you didn't have the Seed of Chucky growing inside of you you'd be just as inebriated as I am."

"I'm surprised you can even say inebriated." She says, her eyes going dark. "You broke your sobriety Addison. All those years of hard work, time away from your daughter, down the drain as if they're nothing."

"A five-year-old tried to kill herself in my bathroom." I say numbly. "She claims that the ghost of her dead sister told her to." I shake my head at Meredith, and instantly wish that I didn't. I don't know why she is not just as freaked out as I am. She seems calm given the circumstances.

"She's going to be okay Addison. We got her an appointment to start therapy, and we hired a Nanny to watch her around the clock."

"She doesn't need a Nanny. She needs you."

"She needs you too, but clearly that hasn't influenced your actions."

"Keeping her overly medicated isn't going to fix this Meredith. It hasn't fixed anything for Willow, or for me." I add the last part as an afterthought. I am functioning, but something is missing.

"There may not even be any validity to this Addison. The girls say things about Heavenly all the time." Meredith responds gently. "They don't mean anything by it. It's just their imaginations you know that. It's not worth ruining everything you've worked for. What would Oakley say if she saw you like this?"

"Oh, so now you're worried about what Oakley thinks?"

"I've been worried about Oakley since before she was born. This hasn't stopped." She corrects me.

"I don't know where to go from here Meredith. This is my fault."

"Addison…"

"I'm going crazy here. I feel like I need to check myself back into the psych ward."

"It was an accident. I don't blame you."

"I can't see her." I say. I'm referring to Heavenly. I wonder if Meredith knows this. "They can see her, and I can't. They talk about her as if she's really here and I… I just…. I can't see her."

"She's not here Addison. You can't see her because she's not here."

"I need to go."

"You need to work through this."

"Tell the girls I'm sorry for me."

"They need you Addison. They need you so much more than you'll ever realize. I need you."

"I'm falling apart, I'm losing control Meredith."

"You've lost control." She says, thinking for a minute. "You can gain it back though. You did it once before. What about your patient? The quad's mom? I visited her today. She asked about you."

"She's getting sicker. She won't let me do the surgery. She'd dying. She's going to die, and her babies are going to die. It's inevitable. The only question is when."

"It's not like you to give up. Is there anything I can do to help?" Meredith asks, concerned. "What do you need?" She takes the alcohol off of me and pours it down the drain. I don't stop her. "She needs you at your best. Maybe there's something we're not thinking of that can help her."

"Why are you here Meredith?" I ask her, rougher than intended.

"I told you, I'm here to make sure you're alright."

"Okay." I say, and then look at her again. "Only just… it seems like there's something more."

"I need you to get your shit together. I can't deal with both you and Derek drinking, and we both lose our shit at the same time."

"What's wrong?" I ask carefully. Feeling myself sobering up at the seriousness of her tone. She looks at me hesitantly, and then lifts her shirt. Her left ribs are bruised badly.

"Meredith…" I say her name like a breath of air. I don't mean to, but when I see the bruise a gasp of air escapes my mouth.

"It was an accident." She says quickly. "I just…" She looks hesitant again, but then the words flow from her lips like water bursting from a dam, she speaks so quickly I have to work to mentally piece together what she said. "He didn't mean to hit me, he tried to hurt Oakley. I couldn't let that happen."

"Because that justification makes it so much better." I say facetiously.

"He would have hurt her Addison. He… He's not the same person you knew."

"Are you okay? Is she okay?"

"She witnessed what happened and that kills me." Meredith admits.

"Where is she now?"

"She's at home, asleep. The new Nanny moved in today. She's with the girls. Derek left; I changed the locks. He's not getting back in, at least not tonight."

"Do you want to talk about it? You need to go to L they can check on the baby."

"I don't know what happened. She was upset that her arm hurt. She wouldn't stop crying. I was fighting with her to take her medication." Meredith says, and I remember that struggle all too well. "He yelled at her to stop her fucking crying and lunged at her."

"Meredith."

"I got in the way, and he caused me to fall. He hit me, for intervening. I think I may have broken a rib." She says. I realize for the first time that she's breathing shallowly, her face is full of concentration like she's holding back tears from the pain. Broken ribs burn like a hot iron. They may really be broken and not just bruised.

"This needs to be reported."

"Addison, you know I can't."

"Would you like me to come to the hospital with you?" I ask her.

"I'm okay." She says quietly.

"This isn't the first time this has happened, is it?" I ask her.

"Shut up. You have no idea what you're talking about. It was an accident."

"An accident caused by his aggression towards a child."

"He said he's sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough."

"Addison… you're overthinking this. Everything's fine. I just need you to take the girls for a few days while I sort things out. This isn't what you think."

"Come to the hospital with me. I can do the exam privately. I won't file the report."

"You're still drunk."

"Maybe, but I'm not stupid."

"Will you take the girls or not?"

"I need you to come too, even if it's only for a few days."

"No."

"Meredith…what if things get worse?" I ask her, and she just shakes her head. "We can talk about it later." I say, and Meredith looks confused at my sudden change of direction. "The girls, and their Nanny can come over first thing in the morning. You've already had stress related complications this pregnancy. Getting you checked out is more important than where you sleep tonight."

"Fine." She agrees sullenly.

"Okay, let's go."

THE NEXT EVENING

"Is my Mummy going to die?" Oakley asks me later. We are sitting in the living room; she had snuggled close. "Is he going to kill her? Is that why we're here now?" She looks up at me with her big doe eyes, concerned.

"No baby." I try to sound reassuring, but my heart breaks when she asks me this.

"Is my brofer going to die like my other brofer did?" I give her a look when she pronounces the t sound in brother like an f. She suddenly looks so young, so much more innocent.

"No one is going to die." I insist. I show her the pictures of the ultrasound we had taken. Meredith had forgotten them in my car. I explain to her what each part of the ultrasound is. Baby's head, baby's face, baby's hands, etc. Oakley calms down, but only slightly. Meredith had agreed to a quick check up in my office. The baby is fine, we spent a little extra time as she was transfixed on him moving around. We were able to tell the gender of the baby this time. She insisted I use the ultrasound to check for rib fractures. It's an old method. I don't like it. It's extremely painful and she could have done without the additional stress. She has a clean bill of health, as far as the baby goes anyway. Her ribs are deeply bruised. It will take some time for them to recover, but at least they're not broken.

"I want to go home." She pouts.

"I know you do."

"Where's the Nanny?" Oakley asks distastefully. "She's supposed to be here…playing with me."

"What would you like to play?" I ask her.

"I didn't say I wanted to play with you. I want to play with her." she says, and I press my lips together.

"I told her she could have the evenings off work after I get home. I don't mind looking after you and Willow in the evenings. I enjoy our time together."

"That's not the arrangement Mummy and Daddy have. They'll be cross with you. Mummy and Daddy are paying for her to stay with me. She's supposed to do what I say and keep me entertained round the clock. That's what she's paid for." She tries to justify.

"I see." I say, certain that this isn't the actual arrangement Meredith and Derek have with the woman that showed up at my house with the girls this morning. I don't know when the last time they a proper Nanny had was. From what I've heard it's been a while. Oakley probably does not remember what it's like. "I don't know what type of an arrangement your Mommy and Daddy had with Chloe, but that isn't how a Nanny works Oakley."

"It is so. If she doesn't do what I say I'll cry, and Mummy will fire her!"

"Chloe is not your maid, and she is not your servant. I expect you, and your sister to both treat her with respect. Something like that may work when you're a baby, but you're a big girl now. You are more than capable of being respectful and entertaining yourself sometimes."

"If Mummy dies, will we have to move in with Chloe?" Oakley asks me.

"Nobody is dying." I say again, this time more forceful.

"You went away because you almost died." She counters, bottom lip trembling.

"Well, I guess the key word there is almost." I say with a small smile. "I'm still here, aren't I?" I ask her. She still looks so rattled. "If anything happens to your Mommy and Daddy you'll stay with me, but you don't have to worry about that Oakley. Everyone is fine for now."

"That's not real."

"What's not real?"

"Saying everyone's fine."

"Everyone is fine, what else should I say?"

"Everything changes so fast, too fast!" She says, and she is crying. "You thought everyone was fine the day Heavenly died too. You thought everyone was fine but then, in the blink of a second everything changed, and my big sister was dead." She accuses.

"Sweetheart…" I soothe, pulling her close. "I wish I could fix this for you. I wish I could make all of this hurt you're feeling go away. I just…I don't know how. Bad things do happen sometimes, but they're not the norm Oakley. Your parents are healthy, and violent crimes are rare."

"When you left you were gone for four years! You were gone almost my entire life." She narrows her eyes at me, dangerously. "They're not rare when your daddy is violent."

"It's only for a few days Oakley, your Mummy isn't leaving you."

"Daddy said he is leaving forever. He slammed the door so hard he broke the glass. I'm glad he's going away. Maybe Mummy won't cry so much now."

"Sometimes when grownups say forever, what they really mean is a very long time. Your Daddy did a bad thing, but that doesn't make him a bad person. He needs help." I say, trying to make this more of a positive thing. Not adding that really she would be better off if Derek did make good on his threat and stay away. I don't know how I didn't see just how bad things had gotten. I should have done something sooner. She was hiding it though. There is nothing I could have done without knowing the full extent of the problem.

"I just want to go to bed." She says in a huff. "I can't even play with Heavenly. I hate it here."

"Oh? Howcome?" Oakley just shrugs. "Bed then." I say.

"Chloe is supposed to do that." Oakley says, in a mood. "She's supposed to tuck me in and read me a story after making sure I brush my teeth and comb my hair!"

"Only the first time you're put to bed, not the five hundredth." I remind her. "Your bedtime was 2 hours ago, and she did tuck you in and read you a story before she was off work." According to Chloe Willow had gone to bed without much fuss at all. I was late getting home today. I was supposed to be home at six. I have the girls now, at least for a little while. I'll have to cut my hours. I'll have to try harder. I was hoping that Meredith would call or come by. I haven't seen her since she left my office last night. She had taken the day off of work today. Oakley had been up and out of bed every five minuets since Chloe had tucked her in.

"I need water… I'm dehydrating."

"We can grab a bottle of water on the way up."

"I need to potty!"

"You just went potty."

"I'm scared of the darkkk."

"Oakley…"

"My arm still hurts!"

"I can't give you any more pain medication. Chloe gave you a dose before she put you to bed."

"Aunt Addison! I'm being serious! My socks are too itchy! I think there's a mosquito!"

"You're trying to avoid bedtime." She looks at me so pathetically though. I just scoop her up in my arms, and sit down in the rocking chair with her, rocking her back and forth, singing her a lullaby.

"Deep in the meadow, Under the willows…" She calms when I start singing.

"A bed of grass, a soft green pillow." She snuggles her face into my shoulder, pushing her face into my neck. It's not the most comfortable thing ever.

"Lay down your head and close your eyes, and when they open the sun will rise." She protests at this. Reminding me that she wakes up when it's still dark out, and the sun hasn't yet risen. I shh her, and she pops her thumb in her mouth, listening carefully.

"Here it's safe and here it is warm." I reach over to the basket of blankets I keep next to the rocking chair and cover her with one. I keep my house cooler than average. I want her to feel as comfortable and as snuggly as possible.

"Here the daisies guard you from every harm." She leans heavily against me. She is struggling to keep her eyes open as the repetitiveness of my voice and rocking is soothing her.

"Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true. Here is the place where I love you." I look down at her to see she is asleep, and exhaustion has finally taken her. I don't put her down right away though. I don't want to have to carry her up the stairs. Instead, I just hold her. I continue to rock her and repeat the song several more times, just enjoying this quiet moment with her before tomorrow comes and the troubles of the world surround us again.