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It's a lovely day for a stroll. 2PM.
Amanda stared at the text from the unknown number– blinking at it several times – as if that would help it all make sense, even though it really wasn't necessary. There was only one person who would text her that – it was their code, after all- but she didn't know what to make of him wanting to meet at their predetermined location – Sarafino's.
"You okay?" Kat asked, genuinely concerned as she raised an eyebrow. She very rarely saw her partner rattled by anything, so this was unusual.
"Yeah...yeah, I'm fine. I, uh, I just need to talk to the captain for a minute." She tried to steady her shaking hands as she crossed the bullpen and went to knock on their captain's door.
She barely waited for the "come in" before she pushed the door open and was standing in front of Olivia's desk.
One look at Amanda's face was all it took for Liv to become immediately concerned. "Rollins? Is everything okay? The girls? Counselor Carisi?"
"Yeah...yeah," Amanda nodded. "They're fine."
Olivia sighed in relief. "Okay. That's good. Is your dad sick again?"
"Uh no. Umm...Liv...it's Murphy. He wants me to meet him."
"Murphy?" Liv's eyebrows raised. "Does it have something to do with Jessie? Or is it work related?" By now, Liv was both a worried godmother and a concerned captain.
"Jessie, I think," Amanda bit her lip as she sat down in the chair. "I think I may have done something and messed things up. It was supposed to be a good thing, but maybe it's going to backfire. Maybe Murphy will want standard visitation!" She rambled. "Or shared custody!"
"Okay, slow down," Liv said calmly. "Take a breath and then start at the beginning."
Amanda scrubbed her hand over her face. "I know I should be happy with the life that I have. I love my girls. I love my husband," she would never tire of calling Dominick Carisi her husband – it had been official for almost a year and the novelty of being able to call him that still hadn't worn off. "But maybe I was selfish by wanting more. I've been thinking about it for so long – how to make our family a family on paper-"
"You want Carisi to adopt the girls?"
"Yeah, a part of me has wanted it since they took their first breath if I'm being honest." Amanda said softly, recalling how he wheeled her out of the hospital when Jessie was born and how he wheeled her into the hospital when she went into labor with Billie. "We talked about it a long time ago...before we even got married. He says he'll be happy either way, but I know how much it would mean to him for it to be legal – especially if something were to happen to me," her voice faltered at the thought of dying. "I have things spelled out in my will, but Carisi isn't kin to my girls and a court could throw out my wishes and place them with a genetic relative. Most likely Billie with Al and Jessie with my mother."
Liv looked at her in disbelief. "Surely no judge would do that... split them up and take them away from the man who helped raise them their entire lives?"
Amanda shrugged. "I don't know, Liv...just the fact that they could scares me enough. Carisi says it can get really messy. Barba's been helping me with starting the process for a step-parent adoption, but Carisi doesn't know that I actually got the ball rolling yet. I didn't want to say anything until I knew if Murphy and Al would try to fight it. But Murphy's here now and he wants me to meet him. What if he wants to fight it and that's why he didn't just send the papers back certified like I said he could have?"
"I don't know what his intentions are, Amanda, but you have to meet him and find out. Do you want me to go with you?"
"No," she shook her head. "I'll be okay. I need to do this on my own."
"Okay."
"You know," she scoffed. "I thought Al would be the one to fight it out of spite because he never liked the connection I had with Carisi. But he's only seen Billie about a dozen times her whole life and he signed those papers so fast. He's taking a job at some surgical hospital in Germany and he and his 27-year-old wife Katie are moving there next month. He was happy to sign off on Carisi adopting Billie. I guess it's easy for him to sign away his paternal rights when he's never really used them," she picked at her cuticles.
"Does Billie know Al's moving?"
"Yeah, she doesn't seem bothered by it at all. I don't think she understands that Al's her biological father...especially when Carisi has been the only dad she's ever known. Jessie's a little older, she understands that Murphy is her biological father, but they don't have a real connection, either. I had Barba add an addendum to the paperwork that I would be willing to allow Al and Murphy to still communicate with Billie and Jessie if the girls want to and they agree to it as well. Nothing will change in our day-to-day life except that for those birth certificates being reissued giving Dominick Carisi the recognition he deserves. But now...now I don't know what Murphy wants. That scares me."
Olivia nodded. "No matter what happens when you meet Murphy," she began, "it won't change how much Carisi loves you and those girls. Nothing can change that."
When Amanda made it to Sarafino's, Murphy was already sitting in one of the booths in the back corner waiting for her. "Can I get you anything?" He asked, as she slipped in the booth across from him.
"No, thank you," she couldn't eat a thing if she tried. "Let's just cut to the chase, please. You're fighting the adoption, aren't you?"
"What?" His eyes shot up. "No, I'm not."
"You're not?"
"Of course not!"
"Wait...what?"
"It's the best thing for Jessie. I know that, Amanda. Carisi's great with her...the only dad she's ever known."
"He loves her so much."
"I know that and she thinks he hung the moon. Last time I saw her she said she wants to be a lawyer and proudly recited the Bill of Rights to me. Carisi has some interesting ideas of bedtime stories," Murphy chuckled. "He's always been a dad to her...I'm more like an uncle than he ever was, and that's okay. That's the way it should be. Sometimes, I'm surprised you even put my name on that birth certificate in the first place." He confessed. "Especially when you never went after child support."
Amanda shrugged. "Jessie has a right to know where she came from. I could never lie to her."
"Does she know about the adoption?"
"No, not yet."
"You didn't want to say anything until you knew what I would say?"
"Yeah."
"That was a good call."
Amanda fought the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't an expert on parenting by any means, but she really wasn't in the mood to get unsolicited parenting advice from Murphy even though he and Jessie shared DNA.
"Anyways," he continued. "You're probably wondering why we are here."
"Yeah. You could have just signed the papers and sent them back to me. We didn't need to meet in person."
He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "We are here because my job is dangerous and I cross paths with a lot of bad people. There's always a chance that at some time, someone can tie me and Jessie to each other. I just wanted to make sure you understand that the number I gave you to get in touch with me is forever and it doesn't just apply to Jessie...it goes for you, Billie, and Carisi, too. If any of you need my help, I'll be there."
For the first time since she read his text message four hours ago, she felt like she could breathe again. "Thank you. I appreciate that. Really, that means a lot. You're a good man." She said sincerely as she tucked the folder into her purse. "Are you in town long? Are you able to see Jess before you leave again?"
He shook his head. "No, uh, I have a meeting after this, and then it's a flight out of here to a place I can't say...I'll stop by the next time I'm in town."
She nodded slowly and placed a hand over his. "I...just...thank you for this," she stumbled over how to put her feelings into words as she nodded towards the folder in her purse. "You don't know how much this means to all of us. Thank you."
What she didn't see in that moment, was her husband and his boss leaving the very same restaurant after a working lunch.
But her husband saw her hand resting on top of Declan Murphy's and it was an image that was burned into his memory for the rest of the day.
Amanda was in a great mood the rest of the afternoon and by the time she got home from work and saw the girls, she was practically floating. Now that both Murphy and Al agreed to sign off on Carisi adopting the girls, she was giddy with the excitement of telling him and filing the remaining paperwork so they could get a court date.
She had the girls helping her in the kitchen while they made cupcakes – because this was a special occasion after all even if no one else knew yet. An 80's music playlist was streaming through the speakers as Jessie and Billie laughed at their mom's animated singing into a whisk all while begging for a dance party.
"We can have a dance party tonight with Daddy," she assured them, laughing. "He has the best moves around – probably because of all of those Carisi weddings he's been to!" She registered the sounds of a key in the lock and the door opening and closing before the lock turned again. "Speaking of, I think he's home."
Billie and Jessie scrambled away from the table where they had been decorating cupcakes. "Daddy!" They exclaimed in glee when they met him in the entryway of the kitchen.
"Hi!" He smiled, but Amanda instantly knew it didn't quite reach his eyes as he went through the home from work ritual – hugs, kisses, I missed yous. After listening intently to Billie and Jessie recapping the highlights of their day to him before he even had a chance to set is briefcase down, he suggested they go play in their room for a little bit before it was time to help him make dinner because he needed to talk to Mommy.
"What's wrong?" Amanda asked, concerned, as she turned down the volume on the speaker before taking a step closer to him and reaching out to touch his tie once the girls were off to their bedroom. "Carisi?" She prompted after he didn't volunteer anything else.
He sighed. "I'm sure it's nothing. No, I know it's nothing," he said confidently. "It just threw me for a loop, I guess," he admitted, as he brought his hands to rest on her waist. "I've been obsessing over it."
"What threw you for a loop?"
"I was at Sarafino's with Hadid today," he began and Amanda's eyes grew wide. "I saw you with Murphy," he said, lowering his voice in case any small ears were listening, "which in itself wouldn't have thrown me for a loop. I mean, he's Jessie's father -"
"Biological father," she interrupted. "You are Jessie's father...her dad."
"Yeah, I know I'm her dad. And Billie's," he beamed at her when he replied - saying he was their dad gave him such a high and he knew in his soul the novelty of saying that would never fade away. "But, uh, I saw your hand on his and..."
Amanda winced, "Does Hadid think I'm having an affair or something? She'd feed me to the wolves if I ever did anything like that to you. You're her favorite."
He laughed. "No, Hadid didn't even notice you were there. She's focused on her path and her path alone. I was a cop for a long time, I have a habit of scanning every room I walk into. I notice things. You know what it's like."
"Mmhm." She agreed, nodding. "I was going to wait and tell you later – after the girls went to bed, but since you saw me, I guess now is as good a time as any." She slipped away from him to retrieve the files from her purse. "I was touching Murphy's hand today because it was my way of saying thank you."
"Thank you?" He repeated.
"Yeah. For this." She handed him the folder and watched the complete look of joy on his face as he processed the words on the pages in front of him.
"It's gonna be official? Legal, I mean," he corrected –for as far everyone was concerned, he was officially their dad (in the ways that mattered most), but for it to be legal was something else entirely...especially in his lawyer brain.
"He and Al both signed. Barba's been helping me. I didn't want to say anything until I knew if Al and Murphy would sign easily or if we'd have to put up a fight, but-"
Anything else she was about to say died on her lips because he kissed her.
"The girls have no idea, yet," she said softly when they parted. "To them, it won't be any different really. Well, I'm sure they're gonna be really excited about being Rollins-Carisis now like their momma," she chuckled. "But for us...your name is going to be on that piece of paper next to mine and I...I don't even know how to describe that feeling."
"I think this might be one of the only times in my entire life that I've been speechless. I don't know what to say other than thank you. Thank you for giving me this wonderful, beautiful, amazing family." He kissed her again and again. "My whole life I knew I wanted a family of my own, to be a husband and a dad, and you made it all possible."
"You made it possible by not giving up on me. I love you."
"I love you more."
"Well, I love you even more than that." She quipped before initiating the next round of kisses.