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Amanda looked up from the puzzle she was helping Billie with when she heard the door to her apartment open. Her stomach dropped for a second, before she remembered that she was absolutely certain she had locked it – like she always does – and Sonny was the only person with a key who would come in unannounced.
She was surprised because she wasn't expecting him tonight. Well, it was complicated, really. He'd been over every single night – and sleeping there for a majority of them- since that fateful Memorial Day weekend nearly eight weeks ago, but they had a fight over a case at work today, and she really didn't think he'd come over. She just assumed he would probably want some space.
This fight wasn't as bad as the day they yelled at each other in the middle of the bullpen, but this case involved child witnesses, a teenage victim, domestic violence, and the suspected perp was a foster parent, so tension was high. The whole squad was on edge trying to get it solved, and it was Amanda this time who harshly told Sonny he forgot what it was like to be a cop when she didn't like the legal guidance he had given the squad regarding the trajectory of their investigation. Then she accused him of having different goals and stopped just short of saying she missed when he could think like a cop and not like a lawyer.
"Hey," he greeted as he kicked off his shoes at the door.
"You came," she said in disbelief as he crossed the room and sat down on the floor across from her.
Billie's face lit up when she saw him and she crawled over to sit on his lap, giving him a slobbery kiss as she waved her stuff animal in his face.
He smiled at the toddler before his face pinched into confusion at Amanda's statement. "Well, yeah. Do you not want me here? I can leave. I just figured..."
"No!" She exclaimed, quickly, reaching for his hand so she could squeeze it before she threaded their fingers together. "I absolutely want you here. I just thought you wouldn't want to be here after what I said today..."
By now a toy across the room caught Billie's attention and she crawled away from them to go play with it. Sonny, with Amanda's hand still in his, stood up and then carefully tugged Amanda up as well.
"I was out of line today," she continued. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. I know that there are laws and procedure to follow, but I don't think CPS did an adequate investigation, and I want those kids out of that home before another sexual assault happens. I wish there was a way to cut through the red tape, but that does not mean I have any right to take it out on you and say that you forgot what it was like to be in our shoes."
"So, we had a disagreement at work, and you thought I wouldn't want to be here tonight?" He frowned.
"Well, yeah," she said in a shaky breath. "Isn't that how it is? Daddy would leave for days after he and Momma fought – no matter how small it was – and Amaro would give me the cold shoulder any time we argued over something work related or personal...and Al, well, we didn't really communicate well enough to fight, but he'd disappear for a while if he didn't like something I said..."
"That's not us. That's not me. That's not how I would ever treat you." He whispered as he put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to him. "You thought this all day? That I wouldn't come over and I'd ignore you?"
She nodded, but still avoided his intense gaze.
"I wish we would have talked sooner. I hate that you felt this way all day. I'm sorry. I should have gone back to the precinct to meet you for lunch, but I had two plea deals to iron out and I ended up eating at my desk. That's not an excuse...I should have been better than that..." He tucked his hand under her chin and made her look at him. "I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you think that was what I would do. I don't ever want you to feel like my love for you comes with a set of conditions."
She hated how hurt he seemed at the thought that it was something he did or didn't do. "It wasn't you. It was me and my own issues coming to the surface. I thought I got past all of that, but I guess there's still some things lingering that I didn't realize before."
"People fight, Manda. There's conflict in life, and especially in our careers. Life isn't good all the time. It can get messy, but I'm never gonna walk away or avoid you over something like that. We'll figure it out...we always do. I need you to know that, okay? I'll tell you every day if that's what it takes."
"I know," she smiled at him. "I think I just had a bad day and needed a little bit of a reminder."
Dominick Carisi, Jr. was different than any other man that had ever been in her life – in the best ways – but it was still hard for her to accept that someone like him could love someone like her.
The next morning, Amanda blinked awake to Sonny kissing her from the edge of the bed. "I have to leave now. I need to go get a clean suit for court," he told her softly. "Coffee is on your nightstand, and I already took Frannie out. The girls are still sound asleep."
She smiled softly at him, blinking the remaining sleep from her eyes. "You know, there's something we could do so you won't run out of clean suits here..."
He grinned. "Are you askin' me to move in with you?" He teased, figuring she would just say she'd make some more room in her closet for him or tell him his suits could share closet space with the overflow of the girls' dresses in the coat closet.
"If I did, would you say yes?"
He almost forgot how to breathe when he realized she was serious. "I would say you actually need to ask the question, first."
"Of course, you would," she smirked, moving to sit up in bed. "Dominick Carisi, would you consider moving into this lovely piece of NYC real estate – at least until the lease is up and we can find a bigger place together. The market is kind of insane right now, but this offer comes complete with a girlfriend who can't cook, two adorable little girls who love to beg for extra bedtime stories, and a dog who loves to try to steal the popcorn during movie night."
He laughed. "Who could ever pass up an offer like that?"
"You didn't actually answer my question, Counselor," she teased.
"It's a yes, Rollins. Absolutely yes. This isn't too fast for you?"
"No, is it for you?"
"I wouldn't have said yes, if I thought it was."
"It just feels right, Dominick. It's like all the missing pieces began to fall in place over Memorial Day weekend, and I know we said then that we were both all in and this was the real deal, but yesterday, when you still came even though we had a fight...that meant so much to me and everything just became crystal clear. We missed out on enough time together already; I don't want to waste anymore."
"Me either," he agreed. "But you know, if I move in here, we should probably disclose this, officially," he waved to the space between them, "at work. On paper. You already know I had to tell Hadid when I asked her about the ethics of it. She never bought for a second that the conversation was a hypothetical. She very graciously agreed to look the other way because she trusts us, but with this new case and all..."
She nodded, and then leaned over to silence the rest of what he was going to say with a kiss. "I'm ready for everyone to know." She snickered after they pulled away, "I don't think it will be a shock to anyone. Kat's been on my case about "us" since New Year's Eve."
"She's been on my case longer than that." He smiled at her as he caressed her face gently. "I'm sorry I have to leave now," he said softly.
"I know," she smiled sadly. "But pretty soon, you won't have to leave so early to go across town anymore and we'll get some extra time together...to do other things." She waggled her eyebrows at him seductively.
"I can't wait." He kissed her again, this time on the forehead, because if his lips touched hers again, he didn't think either one of them would be able to make it to work on time this morning. "I'll see you at lunch – unless something comes up with the case beforehand, of course."
She nodded. "Love you," she whispered as he exited the bedroom.
"Love you, too," he called out over his shoulder.
Smiling, she reached over to her nightstand to grab the coffee left her, admiring how he put it in a travel mug, so it would stay hot longer in case the girls woke up earlier than expected. There was a folded-up piece of legal paper placed beside the tumbler that quickly captured her attention.
After taking a sip of coffee, she reached for the paper, she couldn't help it that her heartbeat quickened when she noticed Sonny's messy scrawl in blue ink. She unfolded it, and another piece of paper fell out. She carefully unfolded the paper and began to read.
Rollins – I usually keep this in my briefcase...like a good luck charm, because that night on the Hudson, you made me the luckiest guy in the entire world. But after yesterday, I thought you should have it instead. Read it when you need a little reminder of just how much I love you. It's never been a secret that it was written with you in mind. Don't get too excited, though, I tore off the part I never read to you. You'll get to hear it eventually, I promise, but until then, I'll keep that half. Partners, always. -Carisi
Amanda took a moment to press the paper to her chest as she recalled that night on the Hudson. She ran her fingers gently over the crooked edge where Sonny tore off the rest of the speech that he once declared "hokey." She knew he didn't feel that way anymore, and she knew whatever he had written must have been very sentimental. She had an idea in her head that he would read her the rest when he would propose to her someday, or maybe even at their own wedding ceremony. For the first time in her whole entire life, the idea of a marriage didn't send her into an anxiety attack, and the idea of being his wife thrilled her.
Sighing contently, she scanned the words on the page, remembering exactly how she felt that night he read them to her and her alone. She recalled how the butterflies in her stomach flip flopped at the realization that he used her as his muse after his nervous chuckle and everything just clicked. She wasn't afraid to take a chance anymore.
She paused when she saw that he had underlined twice, in red ink, the line that said "...you fight and you make up. But at the end of the day, you always have each other's backs..." and she knew he added those annotations this morning.
This was her reminder, she realized, and she loved him so much more than she already did for it.
She reached for her phone and pressed his name on her contact list.
"Hey," she began when he answered on the second ring. "I just read the note you left me, and in the spirit of tradition, it calls for cannoli for breakfast. I'll pick up a box and meet you at your office by 8:00, Counselor."