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The flash of lightning and crash of thunder woke Jessie Rollins with a jolt. She blinked a few times, tugging her stuffed animal closer to her chest. "Billie?" she whispered. "Did that scare you?"
Her little sister didn't even flinch and her soft little snores were the only answer to Jessie's question.
Jessie whimpered when there was another flash and bang. "Billie, if it scared you, you gotta cry. Then Momma will come in. I'm a big girl so I don't wanna be the one to cry."
"Fine," Jessie huffed, when it became clear to her that Billie wasn't going to wake up because of the storm. "I'll just go get Momma by myself."
She padded down the hallway and quietly pushed open the door to her mother's bedroom. She saw that her mommy was sleeping, so she continued her way into the room with the intent to crawl into the empty space beside her mother like she usually did during a storm or after a bad dream. This time, however, she let out a little gasp when she realized that side of the bed wasn't empty anymore. She recognized the figure sleeping next to her mother and she wasn't afraid to find it there – if anything – it made her feel safe and happy.
"Uncle Sonny?" She exclaimed in a whisper, completely amazed and shocked to discover one of her absolute favorite people in the whole entire world in her mother's bed.
The sound of a confused "Uncle Sonny" woke Carisi from sleep and the memories of the last few days played instantly in his mind.
Friday night after a series of kisses on the Hudson, he had to reluctantly leave her at the party to go tie up loose ends for the case. It was well past midnight when he returned to her apartment. He entered the apartment, quietly, afraid that she was already asleep, and not wanting to wake her up. As it turns out, he didn't have to worry for long because as soon as he relocked the door and kicked off his shoes, she was already standing there.
"Rollins," he began, in a low whisper, as the magnetic pull brought the two of them towards each other. It was all he had time to say before her lips were frantically crashing against his again and his fingers were tangled in her hair.
If she were to be honest, there were a few different ways Amanda had imagined this moment. She wouldn't have cared if they consummated their relationship right there in the kitchen – on the floor or against the wall or counter– as long as they were together, it didn't matter to her.
But when he whispered the words "there's no need to rush this" as he moved to redirect the path her hand was taking, followed by a nudge towards her bedroom, she realized rough and fast wasn't going to be how they did things tonight. It was going to be slow and sensual, and she knew it would be a level of intimacy she had never experienced before.
He carefully pulled her NYPD t-shirt over her head and she wiggled around to help remove her leggings. "You're so beautiful," he breathed, kissing every part of her face and neck that he could while his hands roamed over the rest of her body. He paused when he noticed the tears in her eyes. "Hey, you're crying again." This time it was a statement, not a question, as he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away said tears.
"I am," she confirmed with a sniffle and a watery chuckle.
He began to pull away – ready to tell her this could wait; that he would stop – but she quickly wrapped her legs around him and crossed her ankles to keep him in place.
"I'm not crying because I want you to stop," she rushed to explain. "I'm crying because this is already better than anything I've experienced before... because...because this is honestly the first time ever that I've felt like I mattered and I'm not just another warm body for someone to do this with. The realization of it hit me all at once. It means something now because it's with you."
For the second time that night, she wanted to say she loved him, but the words caught in her throat again, and she could kick herself.
"You matter," he told her. "More to me than you can ever know. All I want is for you to be happy."
She smiled, reaching out to tangle her fingers in the strands of gray hair that fell loose from the confines of his hair gel. "I'm happy with you."
He grinned, cheeks dimpling, as he leaned down to kiss her collarbone, swirling his tongue over her smooth skin. "That's good because I'm happy with you, too."
She didn't know it was possible for something to be so gentle and so passionate all at once, but she shouldn't have even been surprised that Dominick Carisi was the one who could accomplish that. They spent their time memorizing every freckle, scar and curve of each other's body. He kissed her stretch marks and the scar from her c-section and for the first time since their appearance on her body from her pregnancies, she didn't feel self-conscious about them.
The next day was spent much of the same way since the girls were still at Beth Anne's. They went for an early morning walk to the bakery to pick up some cannoli for breakfast, and then ate breakfast in bed before spending the afternoon repeating the festivities of the night before at a quicker pace. While the night before had been a promise of what was to come, and unspoken declarations of love coupled with the realization that they were finally on the same page at the same time, this night had been about making up for lost time and satisfying years of unresolved sexual tension. There was a little part of her that always wondered if Catholic school boy Carisi would be a little bit of a prude in the bedroom, but she quickly discovered that wasn't the case at all.
After their intense day of love making, a deliriously happy Amanda sat on the counter and watched as Sonny prepared dinner, giggling as he swatted her hand away when she tried to sneak a taste before it was ready. There was music streaming softly through the speakers, and their conversation flowed effortlessly. There wasn't an ounce of awkwardness between them. It was perfectly domestic and, after nearly seven years of knowing each other, it felt different yet the same all at once.
On Sunday, they drove to Beth Anne's to pick up the girls, and no one batted an eyelash at Sonny's presence. Jessie and Billie nearly tackled him when they ran to give him hugs after they spotted him standing behind their mother. Once they got back to the apartment, Jessie was delighted to find out Uncle Sonny was spending the day with them. They went to the park, and then came home and played Candyland. When it was time for dinner, Jessie helped him make sauce – the right way, not out of a jar – and was so proud to show Amanda her handiwork.
Afterward, he helped Amanda with bath time and bed time duties and read them an extra story before he gave them good night kisses. It was something he'd done dozens of times before, but the weight of it hit him differently. He no longer felt like he was an outsider looking in on these moments, he was truly a part of these moments now.
"Uhh...I guess I should go?" He began, awkwardly, a few hours later after he and Amanda finished a bottle of wine while they were cleaning up from the evening and unpacking the girls' suitcase.
"Oh? I, uh, never mind..." she tried to shake it off.
"Never mind what?" He asked gently, furrowing his brows, as he pulled the kitchen towel off of his shoulder and replaced it on the hook. "You can tell me."
"I was kind of hoping you'd stay," she chewed her bottom lip nervously. "I mean you're off tomorrow, and I was on – call on New Year's, which means I'm actually off, too, so..." she rambled.
He let out a sigh of relief. "I wanted, too, but I didn't wanna assume...with the girls and all...I'll sleep on the couch. I've done it before."
She shook her head. "No. You're not doing that. I found I rather enjoy having you in bed next to me. It's only been two nights, but it's the best I've slept in years." And she knew it wasn't just because of the number of orgasms he'd given her those nights either. She knew it was because she trusted him wholly and explicitly. She didn't have to worry about the hundreds of things that ran through her mind on a nightly basis preventing her from entering a restful sleep when he was around. She knew she was safe, protected and cared for – and that Jessie and Billie would be, too.
"I'll get up before them and start pancakes," he assured her with a smile. "I know it's gonna probably be confusing for Jessie, especially," he began as he reached for her hand, "but we'll figure it out..." he trailed off for a second before he let out a chuckle. "I can just see her running off to tell Sienna that Uncle Sonny sleeps in Mommy's bed if she caught us..."
Amanda laughed. "Luckily, Sienna knows we aren't related...and it's probably better than her running off to tell Benson or Fin or Kat, or her teacher at school. Sienna probably thinks we were already sleeping together, anyways."
Sonny snorted. "Kat thinks that, too, and I'm sure there was a time when Liv and Fin did as well."
"Point taken."
What neither one of them prepared for, was the random late spring thunderstorm waking Jessie up in the middle of the night, but Sonny didn't have time to panic over that now. "Hiya, Jess. Are you okay?" He asked, trying to buy himself some time to come up with an explanation.
"Billie's scared," she mumbled, avoiding his gaze.
He cracked a smile. "Billie's scared, huh? I didn't hear her cry."
Jessie shrugged, shifting her weight on her feet bashfully. "And me."
"Come here," he said as he extended his hand and helped her climb onto the bed. Just as she was settling beside him, the thunder roared again and she gasped as she clutched the fabric of his shirt tightly in her hands.
"It's okay, munchkin," he soothed.
There was another crack of thunder and Jessie flinched as she held him tighter. "Uncle Sonny?" she started, softly.
"Hmm?" He asked as he drew circles on her back.
"Did you get scared of the noise, too? Is that why you're in Momma's bed?"
"Uh...yeah, Jess," he lied, grateful for the out.
"And Momma made it better?"
"Mmhm. She always does," that part at least wasn't a lie. Amanda made everything better.
"Yeah," Jessie agreed, "and so do you. I love you lots and lots, Uncle Sonny! Even more than I love your sketti sauce!"
Amanda, who had been awake since the minute Jessie entered into the bedroom but had decided to let Sonny handle this one, bit back a chuckle.
Sonny laughed. "Oh, Ladybug, I love you, too. So very much."
"And Mommy and Billie, too?" She asked, curiously.
"Absolutely Mommy and Billie, too," he assured her.
Once Jessie's breathing evened out and she was sure she had fallen back asleep, Amanda rolled over and tried to act like she just woke up. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah," he grinned. "We're good, but I think you already knew that."
She blushed at being caught. "Well..."
"You just wanted me to come up with an explanation for Jessie..."
"Guilty," she admitted, reaching over Jessie to find Sonny's free hand. "Thank you. I really wasn't expecting a storm to come in. Normally, she's really good about staying in her own bed. I usually don't make her go back into her own room during a storm. Does that bother you?"
"No, of course not, Manda."
"It's just...they're only little once, and I already miss so much with work... I like these moments as much as they do, I think."
"I understand." This was only his first moment like this with them, but he wanted to savor every one of them, too.
There was another bright flash of lightning followed by the loudest crack of thunder yet. Content with being wrapped up safely in her Uncle Sonny's arms, Jessie wasn't startled this time and didn't even wake up. It was Billie's cries who sounded from her bedroom, and Amanda started to get out of bed.
"It looks like you have your hands full, Counselor. It's my turn now," she said when she realized Sonny was about to tell her to stay in bed and that he would go get Billie.
He chuckled. "Yeah, you get the easy one," he teased. "The one who won't ask questions about why I'm in your bed."
Amanda shrugged. "Well, that's just the way the cookie crumbles...and you didn't even have to explain anything. Jessie made an assumption and you rolled with it." She pointed out.
"Yeah, well, that's the way the cookie crumbles," he teased back.
She laughed as she disappeared into the hallway and returned a few moments later with a sniffly Billie in her arms. Billie did not seem phased by his presence and began to babble and talk about anything she could think of as she and Amanda got situated in bed. Amanda gently reminded her that it was nighttime and she had to go back to sleep.
"You having regrets, Carisi?" Amanda asked with a smile as Billie sang herself to sleep. "It gets a little crazy here."
When he woke up Friday morning, he never would have imagined this is where is life would be at 3:30am Monday morning – in Amanda's bed with two blonde haired girls cuddled between them during a thunderstorm. One little girl drooling down the front of his t-shirt and the other one singing Baby Shark as she patted her little palm against her mother's face gently.
"This," he began, waving the arm that isn't wasn't wrapped around Jessie in the space between them "you, these girls...it's everything I've ever wanted for the longest time." He confessed. "I told Liv the other day, that by this point in my life I thought I'd be married and have a couple of kids-" he stopped abruptly when he realized what he said. Ironically, marriage was the topic that pushed him and Nicole to their breaking point, but if Amanda never wanted to get married, he knew he could live with that. It was a family that he really wanted, and he already had that with the three Rollins girls.
He took a breath, gathering his thoughts so he could explain, but Amanda spoke next.
"Dominick…I'm not opposed to marriage...with you. I find it sort of thrilling when people assume we're husband and wife, and I let myself think about what that looks like. I guess what I'm trying to say is...someday...in the future...if you think maybe you'd want to propose...I know what my answer would be."
"Yeah?"
"Mmhm. I do want that kind of life...you, me, the girls, a bigger place, Frannie, and maybe even another one..." she trailed off, looking down at the girls for a moment, almost afraid to look in his eyes, because being this open and vulnerable with anyone, even him, still was hard for her.
"Another dog?" He wrinkled his nose. He wasn't the biggest fan of multiple pets at one time, but it wasn't a deal breaker by any means, either.
"No... another baby." She clarified in a whisper now that Billie had fallen back asleep.
He thought for sure he was imagining things. He had to be hallucinating – or dreaming – or in a coma or something. He could be content with Amanda, Jessie and Billie and be the happiest man in the entire universe. He didn't want to say that he'd love to have a child of his own, because that wasn't fair to Jessie and Billie. DNA, biology, and genetics, didn't matter to him. He couldn't really explain it, but the way he loved them was different than the way he loved his nieces and nephews. He loved those girls as much as he would love a child he did share DNA with, he was sure of it.
He realized he must've let too much time pass without saying anything because the next thing he noticed was Amanda saying, "I mean...I don't even know if it can happen. I'm older now...and my pregnancies weren't necessarily smooth sailing. But..."
He swallowed twice before he could speak. Gently placing Jessie's head on the pillow so he could prop himself up on his elbow and look at Amanda. He thought carefully about how to answer her question – knowing that his words would be important. He would love to have a baby with her, but in the event that it didn't happen for them, he never wanted her to feel like it was a deal breaker or that he would resent her. "Manda," he began, reaching over Jessie and Billie to reach for her hand. "When I said I was all in the other night, I meant that. Wherever that takes us. Whether our family is just you, me, Jessie and Billie, or a dozen more…"
"A dozen?" She snorted. "I may be in love with you, Carisi," the words tumbled out so naturally, that neither one of them really processed them at first, "but I'm not having a dozen more kids," she laughed, throwing her head back against the pillow.
He smiled at the way her laugh was so carefree in these more intimate moments. "Okay, so a dozen is out," he agreed with a laugh of his own, "but would now be a good time to tell you twins run in the Carisi family?"
"Uh, if I remember my high school biology class correctly, you only gotta worry if twins run on the mother's side of the family..."
He shrugged. "I don't know. That may be what science says, but not the universe. Just talk to some of my cousin's wives if you don't believe me. There are fifteen sets of twins in the Carisi family and I'm sure Cousin Nico's wife never would have thought she'd have two sets of twins!"
Amanda's eyes grew wide. "Tw-two sets of twins?" she stuttered.
"Mmhm. Oh, and one more thing..." he trailed off, waiting patiently for her to bring his gaze to his again. "I am in love with you, too," he said, smiling when it dawned on him what she said a few seconds before.
Amanda couldn't help but to think about how there was no roadmap for this; no how-to book, no checklist for falling in love with your best friend, your partner. Her only concern was helping the girls adjust to this new dynamic with Carisi in the best way. She didn't care if other people thought they were moving too fast or not fast enough.
They were exactly where they were supposed to be, and that was all that mattered.