As always, thanks for following along! Can't wait to see what actually happens when Nick comes back soon, but I'm imagining some conflicting emotions for Carisi, so I wrote that here to hold me over.

Amanda Rollins didn't even knock or announce her presence as she entered her boyfriend's office. "Are you avoiding me?" She blurted out the moment she approached the door.

At the sound of her voice, Dominick Carisi's head snapped away from studying the picture frame he was holding in his hand. "No, of course not." He said as he placed the framed picture of Jessie and Billie back on the desk.

"You didn't come to the precinct today like you usually do..."

"Yeah, well, I figured you were busy." His tone was clipped.

"Hm," she crossed her arms as she stepped into the office – opting to put some space between them and sit on the couch instead of the chair across from his desk. "There's something going on..."

He sighed heavily as he stood up and walked over to join her on the couch, angling his body so he was facing towards her. "I'm sorry."

"You have to give me more than that and you know it, Dominick." She said, softly. She wasn't angry, she just wanted to know what was bothering him, even though she had a pretty good idea of the what, or rather, who, in question was which was causing this funk.

He reached for her hand and was pleased when Amanda didn't pull away from him. Things between them had been a little off for the last few days, and he knew that he should have just said something sooner instead of stewing around in his office for a better part of the day.

"It has to do with Nick being here, doesn't it?" She finally said.

He ducked his head and avoided her gaze much like Jessie did when she knew she was in trouble.

"Look, I know why you were pissed the whole way home after I slept with that bartender in West Virginia, I know why you didn't like Al and I saw the look on your face when he proposed to me. I also know how jealous you were when I was fake married to Khaldun and we practiced our story with you. But what's the deal with Nick? Nick and I have been over for a long time, and you already have me, sooo..."

"First of all," he began, shifting in his seat closer to her so that their knees were touching. "Saying I have you...that makes it sound like I own you or control you or somethin' and I don't like that. You're your own person, Rollins. I don't want to have you; I want to be with you. We're partners, not each other's subordinates. Secondly, I know we're solid, I'm not worried about that..."

Her heart fluttered at the amount of love she felt for this man who said things like that and meant them. "Then what has you so out of sorts these last few days? Something is off." She placed her free hand over the hand he was holding hers with.

"It's just if...if Nick never left, would we even be an us right now?"

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Amanda. I obviously was smitten with you early on. Sure, it started out as a schoolyard type of crush, but obviously as the years went on it grew into so much more. But back then, Nick was your partner and your boyfri-"

"He was not my boyfriend," Amanda cut him off. "That's never what that was."

Sonny shrugged. "Tomato, tomato."

"Dominick." She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

He sighed again. "But it could have been more than what it was if he stayed. It's just that we got closer once he left, maybe even because he left. We built a solid friendship and a great partnership. When I look at that picture of Jessie and Billie on my desk, I can't help but to wonder what our life would look like if Nick stayed, because I know that the turning point for us was Jessie. She played such a monumental role in the story of us. But if Nick stuck around, maybe he would have been the one to stay with you in the hospital. He would have been the first one to hold her and she'd know Spanish words instead of Italian ones. Maybe Jessie would have been his..."

"Look at me," Amanda said before he could say anything else. When he looked into her eyes, she continued. "When you read that speech Memorial Day weekend, I thought about you and me. I didn't think about Nick or Fin or any other partner or cop I've ever worked with. It was you, okay? You. It was our bond and my faith and trust in you that allowed me to jump that night and kiss you. I. Love. You." She punctuated is word with her pointer finger poking his chest.

"Manda..."

"You know that, right?" The words that she'd been so afraid to say for so long tumbled out so naturally one Saturday morning when she was watching him move around her kitchen making French toast and had become a staple in their vocabulary ever since.

"Of course, I know that."

"Good. I just want to make sure."

"I love you, too, you know."

"I do," she smiled – still even after all these months it still gave her butterflies. He didn't just tell her, either. He showed her. It was the reminders to eat, packing her lunch, handling a toddler tantrum after she worked at 16-hour shift, the box of her favorite chocolate that always appeared when she was a hormonal mess before her period, the way she knew he would do absolutely anything in the world to keep Billie and Jessie safe. It was all those little things that meant so much more to her than she would have ever thought possible.

Her voice was soft and gentle when she spoke again, "I don't know what the world would look like if Nick had stayed," she answered honestly, furrowing her brows slightly. "But you treat me better than anyone else ever has – Nick included. He's not a bad guy, but he wasn't right for me either." She was older and wiser now and could recognize for as much as she thought she and Nick might have had a chance, they were toxic to each other.

"I was a different person back then," she continued looping her arm through his, "and I'm not really proud of who I was at that time in my life. I had to grow, and you showed me how to do that. You didn't try to fix me, you let me be me and supported me unconditionally – even when that was hard for you. That was a completely foreign concept to me before. You made me realize that I did deserve better, and you're the reason I felt strong enough to worth through my traumas."

She rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't know if I believe in fate or divine intervention or destiny, but I do know that I have never felt about anyone else the way that I feel about you, and I like to think that means we landed exactly where we were supposed to."

"I'm sorry I was being a jealous asshole. I love this life we have, and to think that maybe if one thing happened differently, we wouldn't be here is... overwhelming, I guess."

"I love this life, too, but like I said. It goes so much further than Nick leaving when he did. It's so much more than that, Sonny. What if Patton never...well, you know," she couldn't say the words – she hated saying it out loud. "If that never happened, I may not have ended up in New York...I wouldn't have met you; Jessie and Billie wouldn't be here...you know? What if you never stayed at Manhattan SVU and went to another borough? What if you took the first ADA job you were offered and our friendship didn't survive that? There's no point in playing the what if game, Dominick. We're here now, and together, and that's all I want to focus on. Going back and forth on what-ifs is exhausting."

"I get your point," he shrugged, using his pointer finger to mindlessly draw circles on her thigh over her pant leg. "I know that deep down...Ma always said everything happens in God's time, but sometimes it's hard to remember that. I love you and the girls so much that I really don't know how my life would have turned out without you three in it."

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, but I like to know that we're important enough to you that you don't want to lose us and couldn't imagine your life without us." She nudged him with her shoulder. "We got lucky."

"I'm the lucky one." He slipped his arm around her shoulder. "I really am sorry for how I acted today. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Dinner tonight before we relieve Sienna? Any place you wanna go, we'll go."

"Your apartment." She replied without even missing a beat.

"My apartment?"

"Yeah..."

"In case you forgot, I'm movin' in with this pretty amazin' detective next week and everything in my apartment is pretty much packed up."

"Everything except your bed if I recall correctly..."

"Yes," he chuckled. "That would be correct."

"So, dessert first?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, so you just like the bakeries in my neighborhood better, huh?" He teased. "What do you want? Cannoli, tiramisu, or cheesecake while we watch trash TV in bed?

She laughed and swatted his chest playfully. "That's not the kind of dessert I had in mind, Counselor, and you know it."

"Yeah, I know," he laughed. "Come on, let's go."