As always, thanks for following along and please excuse my typos.
Dominick Carisi, Jr. wasn't a stranger to Mother's Day. Growing up, he was the one that always had to remind his sisters about the day and, in his adult life, he was the one that made sure his mother always had a bouquet of flowers on her doorstep – from all of her kids - first thing in the morning after they all moved out.
Flashforward a few more years, and Amanda Rollins became a mother. He took the responsibility of making sure that Jessie always had something special to give to her mother very seriously. It was a little risky that first year, when Jessie was just about six-months old, because clearly the gift wasn't actually from Jessie, but it was a risk he was willing to take. So, he showed up at her apartment that morning, armed with a gift certificate for a facial - (Bella assured him that no new mom would pass that up) and the picture that he took of Amanda and Jessie on the carousal printed on the highest quality paper in the city and secured safely in a custom frame.
"Carisi. Hi," Amanda said when she opened the door to her apartment and shifted a squirming, babbling Jessie in her grasp. "I thought you'd be in Staten Island."
"Not until later this afternoon," he shrugged as he entered the apartment and closed the door behind him.
"I see, but that still doesn't explain why you're here."
"Weeellll," he drew out the word as he showed her what he had hidden behind his back. "There must've been a mix up, and the gift Jessie got you for Mother's Day somehow ended up at my apartment instead."
She blinked at him a few times, unable to come up with something to say.
"Happy Mother's Day, Rollins."
"Carisi, you didn't have-"
"No," he cut her off. "It's all from Jessie."
"Yeah, okay. I'm sure she did this all by herself."
"Yeah," he grinned. "Completely on her own accord. Now, go on. Open it."
"Okay," she laughed, excitement bubbling up even though she willed it not to. She opened the card first and it revealed a pretty standard, floral "Happy Mother's Day to the Best Mom" type of card. Inside was the gift certificate for a facial and underneath "Love, Jessie" was scribbled in Carisi's familiar scrawl.
"There is one stipulation that goes along with that, though," Carisi began. "Jessie told me that when you decide to go for your facial, she wants me to babysit."
There only a few people Amanda would feel comfortable leaving her infant daughter with other than the well-vetted nanny she had to hire when she went back to work, and Carisi was definitely on the top of that very short list. She trusted him more than she had ever trusted anyone before. In such a short amount of time, he went from being the annoying new guy to the one solid, constant in her life. "I think that can be arranged."
"Here," he reached out towards Jessie and smiled when she reached towards him, too. "You might need two hands to open the rest. I'll hold her for a second."
Amanda handed Jessie to him with such ease, that she could almost imagine a world where it was an everyday thing in her life – in their life. Her smile widened when Carisi kissed Jessie's chubby little cheek and murmured something about how much he's missed her and how much bigger she grew since he saw her last week. She sighed contently and a moment went by before she turned her attention back to the carefully wrapped present on her counter.
"Oh," she gasped, when she tore open the last of the paper. "This is...wow. Thank you." She carefully ran her fingers over the framed picture. She had a lot of photos on her camera roll of Jessie, but there were only a few of her and Jessie together. "I...wow."
"You like it?"
"No, Carisi. I love it. Thank you – and don't deflect and say this was Jessie's idea. Thank you." Amanda wasn't an idiot. She knew it was all Carisi's idea and she knew that he could play it off and say that he'd do it for anyone, but she also knew that wasn't entirely true. She couldn't picture him showing up at Benson's apartment saying the gift from Noah ended up at his apartment by mistake.
"You're welcome, Rollins."
Amanda could barely take her eyes away from the picture. It was honestly probably one of the most thoughtful things someone has ever done for her. "You know, if you ever decide policing and the law don't pan out for you, you can make it as a photographer."
"I don't know about that...my subjects were rather beautiful that day. That's why that came out the way it did. Isn't that right, Jessie?" He asked, tickling Jessie's belly as a distraction, because he still didn't know where exactly he and Rollins stood with each other.
And so, a tradition was born that year between them – even if the lines in their relationship continued to blur the closer they go to one another. He always made sure she had a Mother's Day present – first from Jessie, and then later from Jessie and Billie, because he knew Dr. Al wouldn't "help" Billie with anything.
Carisi smiled to himself as he flipped the French toast over in the pan. It was Amanda's favorite homemade breakfast and this Mother's Day felt different. Last year's Mother's Day had been a little awkward. He was still technically seeing Nicole, Amanda was worrying about her dad, and things just didn't feel right. He still ordered flowers and chocolates for her and helped the girls make their homemade cards to go along with the framed picture of her and the girls that he took on Billie's birthday but a black cloud seemed to linger over them that year.
That was also the year when it really hit him – that by his age he thought he would have been married with kids of his own. He thought it would be his children helping him make breakfast before running to jump on the bed and greet their mother with hugs and kisses.
He couldn't picture that with Nicole – at all. No, every time he pictured his future it always came back to Amanda, Jessie, and Billie. It wasn't the beginning of the end for him and Nicole – that had already started long before – but it was one of the days that really made him think about what he wanted out of life. It was when he started to wonder if it was better to be alone forever – an outsider to the life with the people he wanted – than to pretend with someone else. That day, he never could have predicted that a few weeks later, Amanda would kiss him along the Hudson River, and everything made sense. It was only her for him, and it would be only her forever.
"Daddy, what can I help with?" Jessie asked, sleepily, as she rubbed at her eyes. "It's a special day."
"Good morning," he greeted with a smile – still in awe that this child he had loved since the moment he held her after she was born – called him that now.
He could understand why Billie began calling him that so easily, but Jessie was older and knew him as Uncle Sonny for most of her life. And while they went through some minor growing pains where Jessie had to push the boundaries to test what exactly his position was in her life, he was amazed by the fact that she saw him as a dad.
"Do you wanna get the cards and the presents we wrapped last night? Then you can wake up Billie and we can bring everything to Momma."
"Okay! I'll be right back. Promise!"
Jessie gathered the items in record time and when she came back to the kitchen, Sonny was placing the vase of flowers on the breakfast tray.
"Wow," Jessie gushed. "That's beautiful... just like Momma."
"Just like Momma," Sonny agreed. "I see you got the presents. Let's go get your sister."
It only took a few minutes to rouse a sleeping Billie and not long after that, two little blonde whirlwinds were making a running jump toward the bed their mother was sleeping in. Sonny could tell that she was already awake, but she played along and pretended she was sleeping for the girls' sake.
"Wakey, wakey, Momma," Billie sang as she crawled over to sit on Amanda's stomach, before planting a slobbery kiss on her nose.
"Yeah, we have presents," Jessie chimed in.
Amanda opened one eye and then another before reaching out to stop Billie from bouncing and shoving her knee into her stomach. "Presents? Is it Christmas already?"
"Nooo," Jessie giggled. "Not for a looooong time."
Carisi set the tray on the nightstand before sitting on the edge of the bed. "G'morning," he greeted. "Sleep well?" He smirked.
She grinned – yes, she slept very well, but he was the reason she didn't sleep a long amount of time. "Mmmhm. You?"
"Like a baby," he quipped before placing a quick kiss to her lips.
Like a baby.
The words played back in Amanda's mind and made her heart flutter with hope. There was a time when she never thought she'd be a mother, when she never wanted to be a mother. But then Jessie came along and turned her whole entire world upside down in the best possible way, but her birth had been traumatic, and Amanda would have been perfectly content never becoming pregnant again. Then, a few years later, Billie, who was just as much as a surprise came around, and while there were a handful of minor complications and Billie's slightly premature birth, that pregnancy and delivery had gone much smoother than her first one, but she still thought she was done having babies.
But then she entered this beautiful and amazing relationship with Sonny and began to daydream about having a baby with him, and ever since their family trip to Orlando, the desire to have a baby with him hit her in the face every single day.
He repeatedly assured her that he didn't feel like he needed a biological child – that he loved Billie and Jessie just as much as he would love a child they did share together and nothing could change that. Amanda believed him, and she knew every word he spoke was true, but she told him she felt like there was another child in the universe that was destined to be theirs.
Since they were adults in a committed, healthy relationship, they knew that they needed to have a conversation about it - because that's what you do when you love someone.
They discussed the risks at great lengths – a conversation where Sonny confessed how terrified he had been when Jessie was born and things were touch and go for her, and the details surrounding the circumstances that led to his mother's later in life abortion years ago.
She listened and understood what he was saying and she also shared in some of those same fears, but everything in life had risks. And, as she pointed out, because of their jobs they knew that better than anyone. Life was precious and each day needed to be lived to the fullest.
So, after carefully weighing the risk factors, and an appointment with a specialist who ran a litany of tests and said that there were no additional concerns other than usual concerns with a pregnancy at Amanda's age, they decided they would let fate decide their future.
They wouldn't specifically plan to try to have a baby, but they wouldn't do anything to prevent it either.
Amanda smiled, watching her family cram into bed with her and she said a silent prayer, wishing that maybe she would have a surprise of her own to give Sonny next month when he got to celebrate is first official Father's Day with the girls.