A/N: Chapter 61 sparked many questions and many of them will be answered in this chapter. Sorry for the late update and sparse A/Ns, I'm preparing to move and I am exhausted. Apologizing in advance for any typos or inconsistencies in this chapter. Let me know what you think. Here we go!
Chapter 62. The Realities of Death
With the phone pressed to her ear, Olivia nervously massages her forehead as she paces in circles around the sun-drenched office. Her heart is banging in her chest like a jackhammer and her mind is racing a mile a minute. There are so many factors that must be considered.
"Fitz – you have to get Asha from dance class. Kelly was supposed to pick her up today", she says in a hurried yet hushed tone.
"Oh my, God", dropping back down into the chair. The reality of Kelly's untimely death is beginning to take hold.
"Don't say anything about ... Just say they're having a surprise sleepover."
"Liv..."
"I'll be home soon - I just need to take care of a few things here."
She stops pacing and stares out the window at the Space Needle located 100 miles away. Another detail needs to be handled.
"And, babe — you have to let Ebony know why you're picking up Asha. She won't let you take her otherwise." Silence hangs in the air and she knows that he is in deep thought. "I love you", she sputters quickly, jolting him back to reality.
"I love you, too. And, Liv - take your time - drive safely. Please."
"I will", disconnecting the call. She stands frozen in place and stares at the waves rippling across the bay.
XXX
"I have to go, Geoffrey", Fitz says, standing quickly and grabbing his keys from the desk.
"Fitz — is everything all right? Is Olivia all right?"
"Liv is fine. My family is fine. There's been a terrible accident and I need to get to the dance school and pick up the girls."
"Is there anything I can do?" Geoffrey asks quickly.
Under the circumstances, it is an appropriate and expected question. But Fitz is dumbfounded. Perhaps he realizes no one can do a thing about what has happened. Reality continues to set in.
"Thank you, Geoffrey — I have to reschedule this meeting. I have to go."
"Of course. Of course", wondering what has happened to rattle Fitzgerald Grant.
XXX
Fitz purposely parked the truck a few doors up the street from Ebony's Dance School for Girls and Boys. He does not want the girls to see him – not yet. He needs more time to process what has happened. Oblivious to the noises of the city blaring around him, Fitz shakes his head from side to side. He is trying to figure out how to tell a little girl that her mother will not be picking her up from dance class today – or any other day.
XXX
Wearing a black sleeveless bodysuit with a Kente sarong wrapped around her waist, Ebony thumps the long hand-carved staff against the black and white tiled floor. She is teaching the aspiring dancers to maintain the timing for the new dance routine.
"One — two — three. One — two — three", Ebony repeats as she walks up and down the line of children in her bare feet, nodding her head in approval.
"Focus, Jeremy", she calls out to the little boy who has lost his balance.
Her eyes narrow, but she does not look up when the doorbell rings. Class does not end for another 35 minutes and the parents know they should not interrupt practice. She takes her work seriously and she expects the parents and children to do so as well.
"One — two — three. One — two — three", Ebony continues. She is modeling the behavior she taught the eager students: remain focused and do not allow anyone or anything to distract you. She silently sighs when the doorbell rings again.
"Continue practicing", Ebony directs the children, thumping the staff against the floor with a bit more force as she walks over to the door. The corner of her mouth twitch as she unlocks the door.
"Mr. Grant - you're early today. We haven't finished -"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, Ebony – but I have to pick up the girls early today."
Cena and Asha look at each other and smile when they hear his voice, but they dare not stop practicng to acknowledge him.
"Mr. Grant - Miss Forrester did not say you were picking up Asha today. In fact - I was expecting Mrs. Grant to pick up Cena", her body blocking him from entering the studio.
"Ebony – I need to speak with you - in private."
Her brow furrows when she hears the slight quiver in his voice and sees the is as white as a sheet. She steps aside and allows Fitz to enter.
"Sure – sure. Let's go to my office", quickly locking the door again.
She thumps the staff on the floor as she walks to the back of the studio and the children continue to practice the dance routine. Fitz flashes his girls a weak smile as he follows Ebony to her tiny office.
"Is there something wrong, Mr. Grant?" Her eyes nervously searching his face.
"There has been an – an – accident."
"An accident? What kind of accident?" Panic immediately filling her voice.
"Kelly – Asha's mother – she – she – is dead."
A loud gasp escapes Ebony's mouth and the hand-carved staff falls to the floor in a thud. Her heart is racing fast and she is struggling to breathe.
"Dead? How? What happened?" Her eyes are wide from shock.
"I don't know much of anything at this point. My wife called me - something happened at work. Liv asked me to pick up the girls."
"Oh - my God", she says softly, tears streaming down her mocha-colored face. Fitz reaches inside his suit jacket pocket and hands her a monogrammed white handkerchief. Olivia bought him a box of the handkerchiefs when he was campaigning to become the president of city council.
"What will happen to Asha? I don't think Kelly has any other family", clutching the handkerchief to her chest.
"I'm going to take her home with us tonight. We'll find out if she has any family."
They both turn and look at the slightly ajar door when they hear the sounds of children laughing and feet tapping against the tile floor. They have lost focus.
"I don't envy you having to tell that precious child that she no longer has a mother", dabbing the cloth to her cheek.
He nods with a frown. "I should go."
"Of course. And, Mr. Grant – please - keep me updated. Let me know if there is anything I can do - if you need anything."
"Thank you, Ebony", giving her a slight smile before exiting the office.
XXX
Cena and Asha have been chattering non-stop since they left the dance class and climbed into the back of the truck. They are so excited about the unplanned sleepover and are making plans for the evening.
"Daddy, Miss Ebony is teaching us a new dance."
"Two new dances, Baaba. Do you want us to show you?"
"Night tonight, sweetheart. How about another time?"
"Okay. We'll show you tomorrow."
"Daddy — can we have some juice when we get home?"
"Yes", he says, still in a daze.
"And cookies, too, Baaba? Me and mommy are baking cookies tomorrow. Chocolate chip - my favorite."
"Yes - cookies, too", he replies somewhat bewildered.
When Fitz pulls up the long driveway he sighs in relief when he sees Olivia's car. He is not prepared to handle this alone. He shifts the truck into PARK and stares at the house, thinking about how his day began with a silly argument about a white shirt. It all seems so inconsequential right now. Life is so damn fragile.
"Daddy — we can't get out. You have to unbuckle us."
"Hurry, Baaba", Asha squeals as she bounces up and down with excitement.
XXX
The wailing reverberates through the house for hours. The sounds of screaming and crying are almost unbearable. A six-year-old is told that her mother is dead and there is nothing that anyone can do to console her. So, Fitz just sits on the floor with her, allowing her to kick and scream out her hurt. Hours later, the house is still; Asha has finally fallen asleep. Tonight, they hold their daughters a little tighter and cover their faces with more kisses than usual before turning off their bedroom lights.
XXX
Each in their own thoughts, Fitz leans back against the headboard and Olivia cuddles close to him, her head resting on his chest.
"How did this happen, Fitz?" Olivia asks tearfully.
"I just saw Kelly a few days ago — when I dropped off Asha. She looked a little thin — but I thought that was because she was working so hard — two jobs."
"That little girl is devastated. It breaks my heart to see her in so much pain. The screaming ..."
"They were going to bake cookies", he says, and Olivia looks up at him curiously. "Asha said on the way here that she and Kelly made plans to bake her favorite cookies tomorrow - chocolate chip."
"Oh — god", shivering as if a black cat just ran over her grave. Fitz holds his wife tighter. "What are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Kelly is dead - we have to find her family. We have to let them know what has happened."
"Dammit." The consequences of Kelly's death are beginning to pile up.
"Asha's father wasn't interested in being in her life — but Kelly has a mother and siblings."
"I thought you said she wasn't close to them", Fitz says, looking down at his wife.
"Fitz — a mother would want to know that her child has died — regardless whether they were close or not."
"Does she live in the city?"
"I don't know - Kelly only mentioned her once. We have to find them. Asha needs to be with them now."
He nods, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll call Chuck tomorrow - maybe he can find them. It's late - try to get some sleep."
"I can't sleep - my mind is all over the place. This is so unreal."
XXX
Bennie looks down at his phone, reviewing his surgical schedule for the rest of the week. He has two major procedures to perform before they go on vacation and he wants to make sure they have been scheduled. Raffles sits on Marion's lap as she strokes his golden coat and reads another blog about adventures in Iceland.
"It takes a lot of courage for Nora to pick up her life and move to another city", Bennie says.
"She's stronger than you all think, Ben. I guess you're going to the kennel, Raffles", Marion says, tickling the cat's stomach. Raffles purrs softly.
"He's not - mom says she'll watch Raffles."
"Really?" Marion says, looking over at Bennie with surprise in her eyes.
"With Nora and dad traveling to Portland next week — she's going to be all alone in that big house. She's going to need something to do."
"That's so sweet of your mother. I told you, Raffles, Ben likes you.
XXX
Olivia and Fitz watch Asha walk into the kitchen wearing a pair of Cena's pajamas and slippers. Their hearts break for her. She looks sad and confused.
"Good morning, sweetheart", Fitz says, hurrying to help the little girl climb onto the stool.
"Good morning, Asha. Can I get you some breakfast?" Olivia asks, brushing the back of her hand over the little girl's smooth cheek. Asha looks down at the pattern in the granite island top and shakes her head from side to side.
"Would you like panny cakes with cream?" Fitz asks eagerly, and the tears start streaming down her face.
"I want my mommy."
Olivia looks at Fitz and he lifts the girl from the stool and holds her close.
"Aww — sweetheart. I know. I know", he says, gently patting her back.
Olivia press a tender kiss on the girl's cheek. "Do you remember what Baaba and I told you last night — about your mommy?" Asha looks up at Fitz with fear and sadness in her eyes.
"Never — ever, Baaba?"
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart", sitting on the stool and cradling Asha in his arms.
"Good morning, mommy. Good morning, daddy", Cena says in a somewhat somber tone as she walks into the kitchen with Bowtie in tow.
"Good morning, Cee", Olivia says, looking at Asha with concern.
"Good morning, Princess."
Cena climbs onto her stool and looks at her friend, who is sitting on her father's lap and crying again. Last night her parents explained that Asha's mother has died, and that Asha is going to be sad for a long time. Cena wanted to know if her mommy was going to die, too. Olivia and Fitz explained that mommy and daddy were not going anywhere, and their explanations satisfied their daughter's concerns for now.
XXX
Twenty-four hours have passed since Kelly was found dead in the women executives' bathroom at Bryson Foods downtown headquarters, and the Grants are beginning to experience the early fallout from her death. The once lively and happy home where little girls run around playing and dancing and helping their hero build teepees in the middle of the family has shifted to a subdued environment where everyone speaks in hushed voices and walks around on eggshells. Even Bowtie senses that something has changed, so he keeps his barking to a minimum and stays close to Cena.
Olivia quietly leaves the family room where the girls are cuddled on the sofa with Fitz and walks down the hall to the study. She closes the door, sits in the huge comfortable chair, and prepares to connect with her mother through FaceTime. No matter how old we get, when we are going through a difficult time, the only person we want to talk to is our mother. Mothers are supposed to have the right words to make things better.
"Livvia", Gwendolyn says cheerfully when her beautiful face displays on the tablet screen. "I was just telling your father — "
"Mom", Olivia says in a broken voice.
"Livvia? What is it, Livvia?" Gwendolyn panics when she hears the distress in her daughter's voice. "Calvin — Calvin — something's wrong with Livvia."
Calvin hurries into the small sparsely decorated room drying his hand on a kitchen towel.
"Wrong? What's wrong with Livvia?" Glancing at his wife then the tablet screen. Olvia smiles through the tears because she is so happy to see her parents' faces. She misses them dearly.
"Dad — mom— something terrible has happened."
"What is it, Livvia? What has happened?" Calvin asks, bending his body and staring at the screen.
"Kelly has died, dad. Asha's mother is dead." Olivia brings a hand to her mouth because it is still difficult to utter the words.
"What?" Gwendolyn exclaims, bringing a hand to her chest.
"Dead? When? From what? How?" Her father firing off a barrage of questions.
"It was sudden, dad. It happened yesterday at work. We don't know the cause. Fitz has asked his friend to rush the autopsy."
"Mother of God", Calvin says as he sits on the small sofa next to his wife. "A young woman like that doesn't just die suddenly. Was she ill?"
"That poor baby", Gwendolyn says. "What is she going to do without her mother? Does Kelly have any family?"
"A mother and three siblings. Fitz is trying to track them down."
"Of course — of course."
"Do you need us to come home? We can get a flight out tomorrow." Gwendolyn says, and Calvin nods his head in agreement.
"No — that won't be necessary, mom. I just needed to talk to you — see your faces."
"Aww, baby. How are you feeling? How are the twins?"
"I'm fine. The babies are fine. Oh, god …."
"What's the matter, Livvia?" Concern filling Gwendolyn's voice again.
"We have our five-month check-up on Wednesday. I have to call and reschedule. I have to call - ".
"Livvia — listen to me, Livvia." Gwendolyn says forcefully, trying to stop her daughter from spiraling. "Kelly's death is surprising and devastating - but you have to remain calm. Do. You. Understand. Me?"
Staring at the screen with eyes glazed-over, Olivia nods her head slowly. Her mind is befuddled, and she is not quite sure what her mother is saying. The enormity of what has happened is beginning to sink in.
"You cannot allow yourself to get overly anxious, Livvia", Gwendolyn says with intensity.
"Where is Fitzgerald?" Calvin demands.
"With the girls", she says, pointing a limp finger in the direction of the family room. Calvin grabs his phone from the table and calls Fitz.
XXX
With the classical music playing softly in the background, Fitz leans back in the chair and takes another sip of scotch as he listens to Chuck's update. Kelly's death is taking its toll on his wife and he needs to resolve the matter quickly.
"Public records indicate Kelly Forrester was born to one Barbara Anne Forrester. The father is unknown. Barbara Forrester — well let's just say this woman is a piece of work. In addition to the deceased — she has three other children — all of whom were placed in the foster care system after the deceased became of age and left home. The mother — and I use that term loosely — had no time for her children. She wanted to be a party girl. Neighbors contacted Child Protective Services when two of the children were found scavenging through trash cans looking for food. The three children were in and out foster care until they aged out. My investigation indicates they are scattered across the country and have no contact with their mother. Of course - they are all dealing with the trauma they endured while in the system. Barbara Forrester created a helluva legacy for her children. I hate to say this, Fitz — but those children didn't have a chance from birth — not with a mother like Miss Forrester. Their experiences will affect generations to come. Children who have not been born will pay for Barbara Forrester's actions. It's a damn shame."
Fitz shakes his head from side to side and takes another sip.
"Fitz — that woman shouldn't be anywhere near another child as long as she lives. The way she neglected her own children is criminal."
"Where is Miss Forrester now?"
"She's been all over the place: Seattle, a shelter in LA, Burnaby, etc. The last address I have for for her is in Seattle - she no longer lives there – of course. According to public records — she's not receiving any kind of government assistance: welfare, SSI, etc. Who the hell knows how she's surviving."
"Thanks, Chuck. I owe you."
"You owe me nothing. Navy men take care of Navy men. Besides — you saved my ass — prevented me from getting booted out of the Navy. The admiral would've had a stroke if his namesake was kicked out the Navy."
"Consider the debt paid in full", Fitz says, stroking his chin as he remembers the incident that nearly led to Chuck being slapped with a court-martial.
"Speaking of Navy men — how the hell is Ty doing? He sure has made a name for himself in the tech industry. I read about all those companies he's acquired — a real titan. It seems like you had a lot to do with that."
"Ty certainly is doing well. He's coming to Church Falls next month."
"I would love to see you guys — it's been years. You and Ty living on the west coast and me on the east coast makes it kind of difficult."
"We have to do something about that, Chuck."
"Yeh - we do. Listen, Fitz — I gotta go. Let me know if you need anything else."
"Take care, Chuck." Fitz tosses the phone onto the desk thinking Asha deserves better than a woman like Barbara Forrester. He wants another drink.
XXX
Standing in the doorway of the dimly lit study, Olivia watches her husband polish off the last of scotch in his glass. When he is deeply disturbed about a matter, he retreats to the study with a tumbler of scotch and listens to Frank Clement, usually Violin Concerto in D Major.
"Can I get you a refill?" She asks with a slight smile. He extends his hand and she walks around the desk and sits on his lap.
"Nice gown", pressing his lips to her neck.
"Thank you, babe. I haven't had time to shop for new clothes. I thought I could get away with wearing the ones I had when I was pregnant with Jo."
He presses his lips to hers and she crinkles her nose.
"I hate scotch."
"I love you", gliding his tongue over her lips. "And — I love your hair", brushing a few stray hairs from her side-swept bang.
"You're just saying that. You're being kind."
"I'm not. I like it. It's just taken me a while to get used to it."
"I like yours — too. And you better not go bald either, mister", running her fingers through his messy curly locs.
"How are you feeling? Calvin was concerned."
"I'm fine. I guess the reality of Kelly's death is finally catching up with me."
"I need you to talk to me if you're feeling upset - or sad. Okay?" Staring deep into her eyes.
She nods and he kisses her again. She leans back against his chest, enjoying the feel of his large hands rubbing her stomach through the silk nightgown.
"Life is so damn insecure, Liv. Just when you think you have it all figured out — learned how to navigate it — you're thrown a curve ball when you were expecting a pitch straight up the center. That sweet — innocent little girl upstairs left her home with her mother in morning — and a few hours later she learns she no longer has a mother. How can that be? What the hell could've happened to Kelly in that bathroom?"
Olivia shakes her head from side to side. None of it makes sense to her. "When will the autopsy results be available?"
"Tomorrow."
Olivia nods.
"How is Asha?" Rubbing his nose up and down her neck and inhaling her scent.
"She's suffering, Fitz — and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this. I finally got her to go to sleep – hopefully she'll sleep through the night this time. Have you talked to Chuck?"
"He's still checking. The grandmother has no known address. The woman is like a vagabond— moving from city to city."
"What about Kelly's siblings? She has three."
"They're scattered everywhere. They have their own problems, Liv. They're in no condition to take in Asha."
"Kelly has to be buried, Fitz. Maybe we should go to her apartment - we might find an address for her mother there."
He nods and smiles when he feels the babies kick against his hand.
"Let's go to bed. We'll discuss it in the morning."
XXX
The building manager can easily see that these people do not live in the neighborhood. Rich people have a certain look about them, even when they are not trying to advertise their wealth. Wishing he had put on a clean shirt before letting the couple into the building, he brushes a beefy hand down the front of the once white tee shirt. How was he to know that someone like Kelly knew people like that. Hell, no one who looks like them ever comes to this rat-hole of a building.
With the couple standing behind him, he slides the key into the lock then pushes open the door to the tiny apartment. He steps aside and allows the lady to enter first. He knows how to be a gentleman when necessary. Carrying Asha in his arms, Fitz follows his wife inside. This is the first time they have been inside of Kelly's home. Whenever they dropped off Asha, Kelly always met them outside, never inviting them upstairs. The tiny one-bedroom apartment is immaculate, nothing is out of place, but there is not much to be out of order.
"There ain't much too see in there", the scratchy building manager says as his eyes sweep across the room. "Kelly was one of the clean ones - not like the rest of the bums who live here. I won't have much to throw out", the offensive man growls. The corner of Fitz' mouth twitch and he rub a hand up and down Asha's back.
"Thank you – we'll let you know when we are finished", Fitz says, giving the man a a cold stare.
"I'll be waiting in the hall - let me know if you need anything", hoping the couple will offer him a generous tip for his services before they leave. Fitz nods and closes the door.
"Maybe I should go in the bedroom first", Olivia says, looking at her husband. Asha points her index finger to the slightly ajar door and Fitz nods to Olivia. As Olivia walks to the bedroom, he glances around the room thinking the annoying man is right, there really is not much to consider taking. There are only the essentials. The living contains a modest sofa, a chair, a lamp, and stand that seems to have once housed a television. He wonders what happened to the television. There is a small round table in the kitchen with three chairs situated around it. That is where they ate their meals.
"Sweetheart - is there anything special you want me to get for you?" Adjusting the girl in his arms. She has not left his arms since they exited the truck.
"I want my mommy's picture", pointing to the framed photograph on top of the television stand. Fitz immediately recognizes the background in the picture because they took a similar family picture in the same photo booth when they were at Kidchella. He grabs the tablet that is next to the picture.
XXX
Memories of cleaning out Marla's apartment after she died flood Olivia's mind as she walks into the tiny bedroom. She feels like she is suffocating, and she wants to get through this as quickly as possible. She inhales a lungful of air and glances around the space: one full-sized bed, two night tables with lamps, and a tall dresser are the only furniture in the room. She wants to cry when she realizes that Kelly and Asha shared the same bed.
She opens the closet and tears stream down her face when she sees two freshly ironed uniforms hanging from a pole on wire hangers. She has seen Kelly wearing the uniforms many times at Bryson's. She grabs a colorful scarf that is hanging from the hook inside the closet door and stuffs it into the over-sized canvas tote bag she brought with her.
On top of the four-drawer dresser, she sees the silver necklace Asha bought her mother when Fitz and her father took the girls to see Misty Copeland perform. Olivia drops the necklace into her purse and quickly rummages through the drawers, grabbing Asha's meager belongings and stuffing them into the bag. The last drawer contains Kelly's intimates, and she feels like she is violating the woman's privacy as she pushes around the items searching for an address book or anything that might indicate where Kelly's mother is living. She gasps when she sees a brown plastic prescription bottle stuffed under the clothing. She feels sick as she reads the label. Olivia drops the empty bottle into her purse and hurries from the room. She needs to get out of here.
"Are you all right?" Fitz asks when he sees the expression on her face when she walks into the living room. She looks like she has seen a ghost.
"Let's get out of here", she says breathlessly. She will hire someone to finish cleaning out the apartment and donate Kelly's few belongings to charity.
"We're going to leave now, sweetheart - okay?" Fitz says to Asha whose arms are still clinging around his neck.
"I want Freddy", she says sadly, peeking up at Fitz with her big brown eyes. Fitz looks at Olivia with confusion in his eyes and she shrugs her shoulders.
"Who's Freddy, sweetheart?"
"He's my robot", pointing to the toy that is propped up on one of the small chairs in the kitchen. Fitz walks over and grabs Freddy from the chair and places him in Asha's hand.
"Is there anything else you want?" He asks softly.
Asha slowly shakes her head from side to side. Fitz hands Olivia the photograph and tablet and she carefully slides them into the tote bag along with Asha's other possessions. He nods to Olivia, indicating it is time to go and she hurries into the hall, nearly colliding with the big-gut building manager. She cannot breathe. Fitz closes the door behind him and Asha lifts her head from his shoulder and peeks at the only home she has ever known. Even with the mind of a child, she knows she will never, ever come back here again. She closes her eyes tight.
"Please, give this — our names and address — to Kelly's family if they come by looking for her. Let them know we have her daughter", Olivia says to the man. The building manager reads the address and sees that the couple lives in that affluent suburban town about 45 minutes outside the city.
"You got it", the man says, stuffing the piece of paper into his pants pocket and waiting for a monetary expression of their gratitude. He snorts in, disgust when the couple walks down the stairs, ignoring his kindness. He always knew rich people were cheap. He will just keep Kelly's rental deposit. Those rich people do not need it.
XXX
Maura has been a godsend. Since learning about Kelly's death, she has come to the house every day, cooking and cleaning and watching the girls whenever Fitz and Olivia needed to go out. For the past few hours she has been playing with her granddaughters while Fitz and Olivia take Asha back to the apartment. Cena has taught her how to play several new games on her tablet.
When the alarm system chimes, signaling that Fitz and Olivia are back home, Maura silently hopes they were able to find an address for the girl's grandmother. When the couple walk into the family room, Maura can see that Kelly's death is taking a toll on them. They both look exhausted.
"You all look like you could use some food. I have lunch in the kitchen", Maura says, standing from the sofa.
"Thanks, Maura", Olivia says, pecking her daughters on their cheeks.
"Mommy – I taught grand-mom how to play two new games."
"She certainly did – and she beat me every time."
"You're such a good teacher, baby", Olivia says tiredly as she walks into the kitchen.
"Would you like to eat some lunch?" Fitz asks Asha who is still clinging to him.
"No", she says softly.
"Okay. Let me know if you want to eat later. All right?"
Asha nods.
"Why don't you go play with Cee and Jo while GoGo and I have lunch." He stands Asha onto the floor and she slowly walks over and sits next to Cena and Bowtie.
XXX
"I know it's a silly question— but how is that precious little girl doing?" Maura asks as she sets plates on the granite island top in front of Olivia and Fitz. Olivia remains silent as she brings the glass of pomegranate juice to her mouth.
"Today was rough, mom. Taking Asha back to that apartment was heartbreaking."
"Did you find anything - an address for the grandmother?"
"No - nothing", Fitz says, already digging into his salad.
"She's been having night screams. Asha has been having night screams since her mother died", Olivia says with a far-off look in her eyes."It was frightening — upsetting — the first time it happened. We didn't know what to do —she was inconsolable. We called Dr. Jordan — the girls' pediatrician - and he said the best way to handle night terrors is to wait it out He said it's best not to try to wake her because she should fall back to sleep after a few minutes. Fitz sits with her every night - until she falls back to sleep."
Maura looks at Olivia curiously and wonders if something is wrong.
"Poor thing. What are you going to do?"
"What do mean?"
"Kelly has to be buried, Fitzgerald. She has to have a funeral."
"We've already met with Rev. Walker — he's going to officiate the funeral service on Friday. We can't wait any longer for Kelly's family to be found", Olivia says, absently rubbing her stomach.
"Eat your food, Liv."
"What can I do — how can I help?" Maura asks eagerly.
"Rev. Walker has kindly volunteered to make all the arrangements for the service — but Asha is going to need an outfit to wear — and new shoes. I just don't feel up to —"
"Consider it done. Tomorrow - I'll pick up whatever she needs."
"Thank you — that's so kind of you, Maura. Let me give you money", Olivia says as she reaches for her purse that is sitting on the island.
"Nonsense", Maura says with the wave of her hand. "I will get everything she needs."
"Thanks, mom."
"I regret not spending more time with Kelly - get to know her better. May if I had taken the time to get to know her I could've …." Fitz looks at his wife and wonders what is wrong.
"Liv - are you all right? Do you want to lay down?"
"Asha practically lived with us and all I know about her mother is the little that Kelly told me. I know we have daughters who are the same age and attend the same dance school. I know she seemed to be a good mother. That's all I know — I'm sorry to say."
"People allow us to know what they want us to know", Fitz says, before biting into the sandwich again. He does not notice that his wife is glaring at him. Silence fills the air for a while.
"I'm not sure if you've heard — with everything that has happened — but Nora is moving to Portland", Maura breaks the silence as she nervously rub the back of her neck.
Portland?" Fitz exclaims with surprise.
"Yes. Apparently— Marion has a friend there who owns some sort of business — graphic arts or something. Well — anyway — Nora will be working there — in another week. Gerry's driving her. He'll stay and help her to find an apartment - get her set up", fidgeting with the kitchen towel on the island top.
"Dad's taking her?"
"It's a long story, Fitzgerald."
"At least there's some good news to be had. I'm going to check on Asha", tossing his napkin onto the plate. Maura glances over at Olivia, who has hardly touched her food.
"You must eat for those babies, Olivia", Maura says with the wisdom of a mother.
XXX
With arms folded across his chest, Fitz stands in the doorway watching the girls. He smiles slightly as Jolie tries to stack the colorful building blocks on top of each other. He listens to Cena and Asha talk.
"Are you sad because you don't have a mommy anymore?" Cena asks her friend sympathetically. Asha looks down at her fingers and nods her head up and down.
"My mommy can be your mommy, too. Okay?"
Asha looks up at Cena and nods again.
"Do you want to watch Inside Out?" Cena asks. She remembers how Riley dealt with her feelings when she was faced with change.
XXX
Olivia quickly rubs lotion on her hands and legs then climbs into bed. There is too much going on to spend time pampering her body.
"What happened back at the apartment, Liv? You came out of the bedroom looking like you'd seen a ghost."
"Nothing. I just needed some fresh air." He nods, knowing she is not telling him everything.
"The light has gone out of her eyes, Liv."
"I know. My heart breaks for her. She's going to need her family on Friday."
"Why do you keep saying that? She doesn't know those people", Fitz says with a tinge of annoyance.
"Those people?" Those people are her family, Fitz."
"You said Kelly didn't have a relationship with her family - hasn't seen them in years. Asha doesn't know them — hasn't bonded with them."
"That doesn't mean she shouldn't have the chance to get to know them. You of all people should appreciate that."
"I'm just saying— bonding isn't just based on genetics. It's based on shared experiences —things you've learned about each other — investments you make in each other. They could've been in her life if they chose to."
"How do you know they haven't tried? Kelly obviously wasn't the most honest person on the planet", she says bitterly. "She was living a secret life and played us for fools while doing so."
"Olivia — "
"Don't, Olivia me. She used us. Open your eyes."
"She was doing the best she could — under the circumstances."
"Of course – you'd say that."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Staring at her in disbelief.
"Nothing. Good night", stretching her hand to turn off her lamp.
XXX
Olivia and Fitz were unable to find any information at Kelly's apartment that indicated she had a home church, so they asked Rev. Walker if they could hold Kelly's funeral at Triumph Tabernacle. Rev. Walker agreed without hesitation. He believes that all of God's children should have a proper service before going home to be with the Father.
Dressed in a charcoal-colored gray suit, Rev. Walker stands at the pulpit and scans the sanctuary. He has made the full resources of the church available for this morning's homegoing service. He nods his head in approval when he sees the tastefully selected floral arrangements; not too many, just enough to honor the deceased. He looks to the right, where the organist and band will be seated, and nods again. He looks to where the choir sits and smiles when he sees the microphone seemingly waiting for the lead singer to belt out one of her rousing gospel songs.
With hands stuffed deep into his pants pockets, Rev. Walker looks down at the closed casket of the woman he does not know. He will eulogize the whole of the woman, not just the part of the woman who died in the shower on that shakes his head because as of late, he has been presiding over more funerals for young people he does not know. They need to start coming to church. He checks his watch then walks to his office to review the eulogy he wrote last night. The service starts in two hours.
XXX
Fitz cannot seem to get his fingers to cooperate this morning. For the past 15 minutes he has been trying to knot his tie, but he cannot seem to get it right. Olivia frowns as she walks from the bathroom wearing the white form-fitting maternity dress that stops just above her knees; another outfit her husband bought for her.
"Dammit."
"What's the matter, babe?" Looking in the mirror and running her fingers through her side-swept bang.
"I can't tie this properly", snatching the silk tie from around his neck again.
"Give it to me - you're just a little nervous this morning."
"How's Asha doing?" instinctively resting his hands on her hips as she loops the necktie.
"Your mother is getting her dressed. Maura has been invaluable over these past few days —shopping for Asha's dress and shoes. We couldn't have gotten everything done without her."
He nods.
"There. Perfect. You're perfect", patting the tie then pecking him on the lips. "We're going to get through this day, babe."
"I don't know how much she understands what this day means — the finality of it. Kelly's death was so sudden — it's not like she was ill for a long time and we had time to prepare her."
"We've done everything Rev. Walker and the therapist said to do. We just have to be there for her and answer any questions she might have."
"How are Cee and Jo? I'm still not convinced they should attend today — that they should be exposed to a funeral at such a young age."
"Jo doesn't really know what's going on. Cee — well — she's been quieter these past few days because Asha is quiet. The therapist said they are old enough to go. She said more positivity comes from allowing children to be a part of the process than having them stay at home. There is strength in collective grief."
Fitz frowns, not buying the rationale.
"Don't give me that face. It's inevitable they're going to deal with death in some way during their lives. The more we can prepare them while they're young — the better prepared they'll be when they have to deal with it."
"No one is ever fully prepared to lose someone they love, Olivia. I'm going to check on Asha", snatching his suit jacket from the bed. He is tense this morning.
XXX
Despite their many dysfunctions, the Grants always show up for each other. Whether it is to welcome the newest member of the family or to celebrate a special milestone, they put on their game faces and buckle down to support one another. This morning they all arrived at Triumph Tabernacle to support Fitz and Olivia through the tragedy that has befallen them. They are a family, and for better or worse, family stands together. As suggested by Rev. Walker, they all sit on the t row, third row of pews so Asha is not sitting directly in from of her mother's casket throughout the service.
Olivia sits next to Fitz, her right hand resting on her round stomach. Asha sits on Fitz' lap, she is still unsure what to expect although Olivia and Fitz have done their best to prepare her. John sits next to Fitz, holding Cena on his lap, and Bennie sits next to John, holding Jolie in his arms. Maura sits between Abigail and Marion, and Gerry sits shoulder to shoulder with Marion, and Nora sits to the right of her father. Gerry quietly thanks Marion for getting Nora the job in Portland.
Deanna, Rhonda, and a few of Kelly's other co-workers from Bryson Foods sit on the pew behind the Grants. Ebony and a handful of parents whose children attend the dance school fill out the row. The organist begins to play as Rev. Walker walks up to the pulpit. Dressed in a purple and gold bishop's robe with front black velvet panels decorated with gold monogrammed crosses, he greets the mourners before leading them through prayer.
After the mourners close out the prayers with their amens, Rev. Walker asks if anyone wants to share a few words about Kelly Forrester. Without hesitation, Ebony walks to the microphone and talks about the first time Kelly bought little Asha to her dance studio. She was so happy to see the woman come through the door because at that time she only had a handful of students. She ends her remarks by saying that Kelly was a wonderful mother and she will be greatly missed and asks everyone circle Asha with love in the coming days. Emboldened by Ebony's kind words, Deanna stands and speaks on behalf of Bryson Foods. She tells the story of how eager Kelly was to work at Bryson's. She says Kelly was smart, a hard worker, and took her job seriously. Deanna chokes back the tears and mumbles that Kelly will be greatly missed before she walks quickly back to her seat.
Rev. Walkers looks out at the sparsely populated sanctuary and waits to see if anyone else wants to speak. After a few moments, he begins the eulogy. Heads nod up and down and a few amens escape the mouths of some as he brings the message to a close. He nods in the direction of Fitz and Olivia, indicating it is time for the little girl to view her mother's body one last time.
Holding Asha in his arms, Fitz walks to the casket his hand intertwined with his wife's hand. Cena stretches her neck to see what is happening and Bennie rocks a sleeping Jolie in his arms as he closely watches Olivia. Cradling her ever-growing baby bump, Olivia shakes her head as she stares down at Kelly who truly looks like she is sleeping. She brushes her hand across her cheek, wishing she could remember where she put the lace-trimmed handkerchief that Maura gave her earlier. Fitz gives her his handkerchief.
"GoGo – I want to give my mommy the necklace", Asha says, bringing Olivia from her reverie.
Nodding her head quickly, Olivia digs into her purse and pulls out a small purple organza bag and slides out the silver ballerina that dangles from the chain. Fighting back the tears, she helps the little girl place the necklace around her mother's neck.
"Can I kiss mommy?" Turning in Fitz' arms and looking over at Olivia again.
With tears streaming down her face, Olivia nods and Fitz lowers the girl to the casket. Asha press her lips to her mother's cheek and instantly realizes that her mother does not feel soft and warm like she normally does. Her mother does not smell like the flower-scented perfume she always dabbed on her wrists and behind her ears before they went out for the day.
The cries of a six-year-old little begging her mommy to wake up fill the sanctuary and Rev. Walker watches as Fitz tries to comfort the inconsolable. It is such a sad scene, and the helpless adults sitting in the pews wipe the tears from their faces as they listen to Asha cries echo throughout the sanctuary.
From the corner of his eye, the ever-vigilant Rev. Walker sees that Olivia is in a daze, slowly rubbing her stomach as she stares down at Kelly. He looks back at Fitz, who is still trying to console the little girl, then nods to the organist. It is time to move on. The organist begins with light flourishes and Fitz takes Olivia's hand and leads her up the aisle to their seats. Asha turns in Fitz' arm to look at her mommy once again, but the casket is now closed. Tears stream down their faces as the lead singer belts out the gospel classic.
If you want to know
Where I'm going?
Where I'm going, soon
If anybody ask you
Where I'm going
Where I'm going soon
I'm goin' up yonder
I'm goin' up yonder
I'm goin' up yonder
To be with my Lord
I can take the pain
The heartaches they bring
The comfort in knowing
I'll soon be gone
As God gives me grace
I'll run this race
Until I see my Savior
Face to face
I'm goin' up yonder
I'm goin' up yonder
I'm goin' up yonder
To be with my Lord
I'm goin' up yonder
I'm goin' up yonder
I'm goin' up yonder
To be with my Lord
Going' up Yonder, Walter Hawkins, feat. Tramaine Hawkins
"I want my mommy. I want my mommy", Asha screams struggling to pull away from Fitz' embrace.
"It's going to be all right, sweetheart. It's going to be all right", Fitz whispers in her ear as he walks back to their seats.
The mourners shake their heads in sorrow. There is never enough that can be done to prepare a little girl to say the final good-bye to her mother. As the song builds, the interchange between the lead singer and the collective voice of the choir rouses emotions from all who are in attendance. The Holy Spirit is moving through the sanctuary this morning and they are now having church. Rhonda and another co-worker are on their feet, waving their hands in the air, giving praise to their Savior.
"I want my daddy", Cena cries to her uncle.
"I got you, Cee-Cee", John says, consoling his niece, but Cena wants her father.
"Good job, son", Gerry whispers, when Fitz sits down holding Asha close to his chest. Olivia sits next to her husband, dabbing her face with his white monogrammed handkerchief.
Spent from crying and fighting, Asha rests her head on Fitz' shoulder and his eyes well up with tears when he feels her tears trickling down his neck.
XXX
"That was such a sad – sad service", Marion says as later that night as she sits on the sofa stroking Raffles fur coat. "That poor little girl - the way she screamed. Maybe we should postpone our trip. Fitz and Olivia are going through the unimaginable right now. They might need us here."
"I called Fitz— he and Liv won't have it. They want us to go and enjoy ourselves. They just appreciate us coming to the service." Marion nods her head.
"On a lighter note - I love Olivia's new hairstyle. It's so bold and sexy." Bennie frowns.
"I'm concerned about Liv. She didn't look well at the funeral."
"She just experienced a loss, Ben."
"I know Liv — something else is going on with her."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not sure — but my brother better keep his eyes on her", he says somewhat angrily, and Marion gives him a curious look.
"I'm sure Fitz is capable of taking care of his wife, Ben", Marion says with a tinge of annoyance. "I'm going to finish packing", setting Raffles down on the floor as she walks toward the bedroom fighting back the green-eyed monster.
XXX
It has been two days since they buried Kelly and Asha's night screams have worsened. The doctor said it is to be expected now that she realizes her mother is gone forever. Fitz has not had a full night's sleep since the funeral.
"I'll check on her", he says, when he hears Asha's cries flowing down the hall. Olivia gives him a weak smile as he slips on his robe.
The cries grow louder as he walks down the hall to fulfill his nightly routine. First, he will lift her from bed, then sit in the chair across the room, and rock her in his arms until she falls back to sleep. He does not care what Dr. Jordan says,
"Hey, sweetheart - did you have another bad dream?" Bending to lift Asha from the bed. She shakes her head no, pulling away from him. "It's okay - we can sit in the chair until you fall back to sleep."
"No", she says softly, shaking her head from side to side.
"Okay — do you want me to sit on the bed with you?" She shakes her head no again.
"Do you want me to get you something to drink?" Walking toward the bathroom.
"No — I want GoGo", tears streaming down her cheeks. "I want GoGo", she screams.
"Okay – I'll get GoGo", Fitz says, hurrying down the hall to their bedroom.
"Liv - you gotta come quickly. She won't stop crying tonight – she wants you", he says in a panic-filled voice.
Olivia swings her legs out the bed, grabs her robe, and hurries down the hall with Fitz in tow. Asha is sitting up in bed hugging Freddy.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" Olivia asks as she sits onto the bed and brushes her hand over Asha's tears. "Did you have another dream?" Olivia asks softly. Asha glances over at Fitz, who is standing in the doorway with a look of concern on his face. She drops her head and starts to cry again. "Aw, sweetheart, don't cry", Olivia says, pulling the distraught little girl onto her lap. She immediately realizes what is wrong. "It's okay. It's okay. You'll be all right."
Asha peeks over at Fitz again and shakes her head no. Olivia looks over at her confused husband.
"Babe — I'll take it from here", giving him the look that says she will explain later. He nods.
"Good night, sweetheart. I'll check on you later."
Asha buries her face in Olivia's neck and Fitz glances at the two once more before turning to leave.
"It's okay – it's just us – all right?" Asha nods. "Let me know when you're ready to get up. Okay?"
"Baaba won't like me anymore", she says, looking up at Olivia with her big brown eyes that filled with tears.
"Aw, sweetheart - that's not true. Baaba loves you so much. You wanna know how much Baaba loves you?" Asha shakes her head up and down. "Baaba loves you this much", Olivia says, spreading her arms as wide as she can.
"Even still?" Looking down at the bed.
"This will be our secret. Okay? "Asha shakes her head up and down and smiles. "Are you ready to go to your bathroom and change your pajamas?"
"Yes", giggling a little because she felt the baby kick. "Is that the baby?" Looking down in awe at Olivia's belly.
"Do you want to touch?" Asha nods her head excitedly. "Okay, let's see if they will kick again", placing Asha's hand on the side of her belly. And after a moment, the babies kick again, and Asha giggles again.
"GoGo - was I in my mommy's stomach, too?"
"You certainly were", holding Asha's hand to her stomach.
"And did I kick, too?"
"You most certainly did. You were a real kicker — just like one of those football players." Asha laughs.
"GoGo — I miss my mommy."
"I know, sweetheart. I know. And it's okay to be sad - and it's okay to talk to me, Baaba, and Cena about your mommy – whenever you want. Okay?" Asha shakes her head up and down. "Are you ready to go to the bathroom?"
Asha nods her head and Olivia carries the little girl to the adjoining bathroom. While Olivia gives Asha a warm bubble bath, the two talk about the babies for the next 20 minutes. An hour later fresh sheets are on the bed and Asha is dressed in a clean pair of pajamas. And, when her head hits the pillow, she falls fast asleep. Olivia kisses her on her cheek and dims the light before leaving the room. She is so damn angry with Kelly.
"Is she okay? What took you so long?" Fitz asks, sitting up in bed.
"Girl talk", she says without further explanation as she walks into the closet to change her nightgown.
XXX
The next morning when Asha comes downstairs for breakfast, Cena is already sitting at the island top and enjoying her second round of French toast. Jolie sits in her high chair playing with her breakfast.
"Good morning, Asha."
"Good morning, Baaba", she says softly, glancing over at Olivia.
"Asha, daddy made French toast. It is so good. Do you want some?"
Asha sneaks a peek at Fitz.
"Would you like French toast this morning, Asha?"
"Yes, please", she says softly.
"That's my girl", he says, standing quickly to make another batch of French toast. He is happy that her appetite is starting to return.
Confident that her secret has been kept safe, Asha looks over at Olivia and smiles. Olivia returns the smile. A new bond has formed between the two late-night talkers.
XXX
Over the next few nights, a new routine begins to unfold in the Grant household. In an attempt to quell Asha's night terrors, the entire family piles into her bed for story time. The three girls cuddle close as Fitz and Olivia take turns reading the new picture book Berlinda gave to Olivia. After a few pages, the girls are fast asleep. Fitz tucks Asha in and kiss her good night. He carries Cena down the hall to her bedroom, tucks her in and kiss her good night while Olivia tucks in Jolie. On the way to their bedroom, he stops in the nursery and kiss his baby girl good night.
XXX
A few hours later Cena runs down the hall to her parents' bedroom holding one of the handmade international dolls her NaNa gave. She wants to tell her father that Asha is crying again. She stops outside her parents' bedroom door, she is not supposed to enter without knocking first, although she has forgotten to do so once or twice. With hand poised to knock, Cena pauses when she hears her parents discussing Asha's mother.
"I know it's been almost two weeks – but I still can't believe that Kelly is dead."
"Pfft", Olivia says with disdain.
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That sound you just made. Are you upset about something?"
"Kelly made her choices — she gets no sympathy from me. She should've known what could happen."
He recoils at the bitterness in her voice. They have been married for nearly 10 years and he has never heard her say an unkind word about anyone, especially the dead.
"Olivia."
"Don't Olivia me", she snarls with a degree of contempt this is also unfamiliar to him.
"What the hell is wrong with you lately? Why are you being so unkind about Kelly? What happened to your compassion?"
"She played us for fools, Fitz. Why won't you open your eyes? While we were watching her daughter for days on end – she was out there – "
"Stop it, Olivia. Just stop it. Life is more complicated than you seem to think. Kelly was having a tough time. At least she had the wherewithal to bring Asha to a safe place."
"Oh – is that what you call it — wherewithal? Humph — that's rich. And by the way — there's nothing complicated about a parent making their child priority number one. She was no better than her mother she complained about."
"Who are you right now? Why are you being so mean — so uncaring about someone who was obviously suffering. This is not like you."
She rolls her eyes and begins to pace around the room.
"Are you going to tell me what this is really about — what has you so upset? You've been like this since we left Kelly's apartment."
"I'm so tired of the deceit — of the lies — the betrayals. I'm tired of people pretending to be one thing when in fact they're hiding their true self. The betrayal never ends." Kelly's death has triggered old fears.
"This is not about Kelly — is it?" Sitting up in bed and watching her pace around the room.
"I don't know what you're talking about", her fingers nervously rubbing her forehead.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're still upset with me about the pills — the opioids." His piercing blue eyes boring a hole through her.
"Yes — I'm angry with you. What you did was selfish, reckless, and irresponsible."
"I can't undo the past and I can't keep apologizing for it – I won't", walking over to where she is pacing.
"You didn't care about Cee and you didn't care about Jo when you were taking those pills. They could've easily been Asha. What the hell were you thinking?"
He stares at her and realizes that she is still deeply affected by his opioid use.
"And I didn't care about my wife either. Is that what you want to say?"
The truth is out. With chest rising and falling, she stares at him with fire in her eyes.
"Love allows for forgiveness, Liv", softening his tone and she begins to cry.
"We could've lost you. I could've lost you forever", bringing her hand to her mouth. But it is too late, what has been haunting her since they learned the cause of Kelly's death has escaped her lips. Fitz pulls her close and wraps his arms around her trembling body.
"We have to get past this, Liv — really get past it. If we're going to make it - you can't hold this over my head forever."
"I'm scared all the time, Fitz. I saw them wheel Kelly out in that black bag and all I could think about was you. That could've been you on that stretcher."
"Liv — "
"I believe you when you say you're not taking them — I do. But I believed Kelly, too. I believed she was working a second job – not ... I couldn't bear losing you — I almost lost you once."
"I don't want you living in fear, Liv. I want you to be all right. I need for you to be all right. We have to be all right for Cee and Jo - for the babies. After today – we won't talk about this again. Never, ever. Okay?"
With tears streaming down her face, she stares into his eyes and slowly nods her head.
"And, Liv —Asha can never know the truth about how her mother died."
"What do we tell her if she asks?" Her bottom lip quivering.
"We lie. No good will come from her knowing anything more."
She nods again.
"Let's get some sleep — we have a lot to figure out in the morning."
Cena runs back down the hall to her bedroom and climbs into bed. She is not quite sure what she just heard, but she instinctively knows she must never-ever talk about it.