"Deeks, I…"

He sighed, his shoulders stiffening slightly. "Tell me why Kensi. Why would you do that to me? To us? Am I…am I not enough for you?" His voice broke, tears running down his cheeks. "I would never do something like that to you, so…why?" His voice became louder, stronger, nearly shouting the last word.

Kensi stood, gathering her thoughts. Besides desperately wanting to kick her own ass, she knew this was it. The moment that would make or break not only her, but all of them. She stared out over the lake, finally settling on her course. Finding herself moving, she stood in front of Deeks, watching his tears fall. "I don't have a reason for acting so stupid." The sentence was soft, all her heart in those nine words. " Wish I did, wish I could say something to take back what I've done, but I just…don't. I do know, with absolute certainty, that I only want you and no-one else."

Placing her hands on his knees, she squeezes, gaining his attention. "Your the only one for me," she stopped, an expression on her face Deeks couldn't read.

"Kensi?"

Taking a deep breath, she began to speak. "When Jack left that Christmas morning, I thought it was my fault. That I wasn't good enough, or strong enough for him. For months after, I tried to find him, doing everything I could. One day, I woke up, and it just hit me. He was gone, and I was alone. Then and there I made a decision." She smiled as he wiped a tear from her face, her hands doing the same to him. "I decided to not be in a relationship, ever again. Instead I focused on my career, and also finding out what happened to my dad. Those were my goals, set in stone. So I joined NCIS and became…I wanted to be the next Hetty."

She had never said that to anyone else, surprising herself.

"Your the first person I've told that to. My plan was to rise up through NCIS, advancing as high as I could. When Hetty tapped me to join her team, I was estactic. I would be learning from three people who I knew could help me. So I learned, soaking up as much as I could get. Eventually, I would run my own team, then, Hetty's position, maybe even Granger's."

Deeks smiled, "That's going for the gold."

"But the one thing I couldn't have, was a relationship. No attachments, at all. I know what I was called. 'First Date Bly'. And they were right, one date and I was done. The large majority of those dates, were just that. Nothing else happened. Dinner or a movie, maybe dancing. And then I went home, alone. I thought I was happy. That my life was planned out, and I would devote my energy to my career, and my country. And one day, I walked into a gym and Jason Wyler took my breath away."

"God, I thought you were gorgeous." She smiled at his embarrassment. "It was definitely lust at first sight. But what kept you on my mind, even after I left, was the fact you didn't fall for my charms. All the other guys, they were eating out of my hand two minutes after I walked in. But you pushed me, challenged me like I haven't had done in a long time. That intrigued and excited me. Later, at Zuma's home, when I was standing close to you, before Callen saved me, I could feel the electricity between us. Even then you pushed, forcing me to backpedal."

She stepped closer, her hands never leaving his knees. "When Hetty told us you were joining, and that I would partner with you, I was pissed. I had no use for someone who didn't have the training that I did. I was hateful to you, really we all were, hoping you would quit. Just go away, so we could get an agent on the team. And you took everything we gave you, laughed it off, and not only threw it back at all of us, but you began to find your place on the team."/

"I knew none of you were happy about me joining, but I didn't know…"

She spoke over him, " The day I trusted you, completely, was when you saved me from that room full of lasers. I knew then," she squeezed his knees," that you would find me. And you did. You put your own life on the line for me. When you held out your hands, it shocked me that you would do that for me. Laying on the ground, your hand on my waist, that was the safest I had felt in years." Tears pooled in her eyes. "When I saw them wheel you down the hallway, after you had been shot, that's when I realized losing you would be losing my best friend. To see you, with your chest bandaged, a small spot of blood leaking through, it made me want to hold and protect you. Then, you saved me…again, when I was to stubborn to listen. You still rescued me, looking out for me even when you were hurt.

Kensi wiped her eyes, gripping his thighs. "I think, in some way, I started to fall in love with you back at that gym. It wasn't until the night at the boat-shed, when you made me that promise, later on, that night I was head over heels in love with you. That night, my heart, everything, I was and am, it was yours. Just to be around you, touch you, it was heaven. We went through the hell of Sidirov, Afghanistan, that stupid agent with his three hearts, all of it brought us to that ice-rink, when we went all in." She grew silent, staring at him, drinking in every feature. "You scare me Marty Deeks.

Deeks pulled back, shocked that she would say something like that after all these years. "Kensi I…" A finger to his lips silenced him./

"You scare me because you've changed me. I don't want or need what I used to. I want you Marty, just us. I want marriage, kids, and eventually, a life that doesn't involve us almost dying. I don't know when those things will happen, but I'm confident they will. You change me for the better. I don't want to be Hetty, nothing to look forward to but the next mission. Everything I thought I knew, you've up-ended, showing me that my life before you, I was existing, not living. Maybe I had my attack of stupidity because of that small remnant of fear that's still left. I hope I can let that go, maybe this will be what helps me do that. All I know is that seeing you ride away from me, the pain I caused you, I won't ever fully be able to forgive myself." She took his face in her hands, losing herself in his blue eyes. "I am so sorry I hurt you Deeks. I…please...just…" She began to cry, her head on his shoulder, her whole body shaking.

Her heart began to break as his arms stayed at his sides. She began to pull away, the thought of living without him already stinging, when she felt his arms envelope her, holding her tight, squeezing her to his chest. "You drive me mad woman, do you know that?" He whispered, burying his face in her hair.

She laughed, her tears mixing with the sound she hadn't made for so long, her arms tightening around him, filling her senses with him. His smell almost overwhelmed her, she still breathed deep, relishing the feeling of having him back. The pulled back, their eyes red, hands never leaving the other. The sun began to sink, the day sliding into late afternoon. Deeks hopped off the rock, stretching as he grimaced. They began to talk back to the cabin, a grimace from Deeks every few steps. "I think my butt is asleep. Damn that was a hard rock!" Kensi's hand slide down, squeezing as he yelped. "I'm pretty sure I can wake it up," she grinned cupping him gently. Deeks laughed assuring her she was right.

Dinner was light years more enjoyable that breakfast. Their laughter was back, the ease with each other present once again. "You know," Deeks began, standing at the sink, washing dishes. "I think I've figured something out.

"Do tell," Kensi smiled, her eyes feasting on him as she dried when he had washed, placing a plate in the cabinet.

"This," he motioned between them," us, it's the first serious relationship either of us have had in years. Maybe we're both a little scared, not used to really letting someone else in. We had become so used to being on our own, maybe we're learning how to be together. And sometimes, we make mistakes."

Kensi stared at him, her mouth opening and closing. "Just one of the many reasons I love you. Sexy, and smart!" She laughed as he puffed up, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I think you're right," she answered, the last dish in it's spot. "We have to talk to each other more, be better at communicating, other than when a crisis happens. No, we're not great at that, but we can get better."

Later, sitting on the couch, a soft lamp barely illuminating the room, they talked quietly, mixed with comfortable silence, the radio playing music softly from the eighties and nineties.

"Kens?" He spoke into the silence. "You know I never believed him, right?"

She pulled her head from his chest, frowning.

"Gordon, I never believed what he said about you and …Dinozzio. None of it."

"But we saw…"

"Oh, the words hurt, no mistake on that. I was exhausted, hurt, angry at myself for having been set up, plus seeing a man I though was dead, right in front of me? Yeah my mind was definitely thrown all over the place. And yes, the images did form in my mind."

She sucked in a breath, " Deeks, baby I would…"

"I know Kens. That's why I didn't believe it. I know you would never do something like that to me. That same as I would never do that to you. I think we both know that type of…betrayal, would be a deal breaker for either of us."

"Yes, it would." She shifted, sitting up, her hands running through his hair, slow, lazy, enjoying the feel of being able to do it again.

"Gordon never really was that creative either. He never changed. His favorite play, besides his fists, was always to make you believe it was your fault. Somehow, whatever happened, you were to blame. He just happened to be there. Yes, what he said hurt, but it wasn't until I saw the gun, that I knew he was full of it.

"After I shot him, the trial was over, and he was in prison, one of the detectives came to the foster home. He asked if I wanted to go for a ride, said he had a friend that could help me. The man, Detective Sanchez, had been so good to me, so I agreed. We drove to this big warehouse, full of old cars and all sorts of stuff. Turns out it was a garage. The owner, Mr. Charles, was this grizzled bear of a man, especially to an eleven year old. Detective Sanchez, he unwrapped a gun, the same one I had used. I could tell because there was a small nick on the handle, right behind the screw." He breathed deep, reliving a memory he had supressed for so many years. Kensi sat, silent, her fingers never stopping. "Mr. Charles kneeled down, looking me in the eye. He said what I had to do was wrong, but for the right reasons. But what I had done, It wasn't the answer to every problem. And he was sorry I had to grow up so soon, but he was proud that I helped myself and my mom. He said a man does those things. Then, Sanchez, handed me the gun, showing me a smelter setup in the corner. I threw that gun inside, watching it melt, disappearing from my life. That's how I knew the gun wasn't the same one."

Kensi kissed his cheek, nuzzling against him. "Your a good man Deeks, and I'm going to make sure you never forget that."

She took his hand, pulling him up, leading him to the bedroom her eyes never leaving his as the desire shone on his face.

Even the forest was quiet, as the sounds drowned out everything but two people falling for each other.