Author's Note:

This idea came to my mind a while ago, and the tl idea of this thing for a week or so just made me dig into more and more pain and here I am. I hope you like it.

My plan is that this one will have four parts. Each one would be reading independently. I don't know when I'll post them though.

Let me know what you think about it.

TW: Grief

Harvey stayed some time in silence, thinking about what he would say. He told her that he had something to say and wanted to say it all at once because he was too afraid he could not say it otherwise.

"She is with Kate," the lawyer finally says. "They said that we needed some time alone." Harvey says, straightening his posture. "Can you believe it? That we survived this long?" the lawyer laughs. "Yeah, sometimes neither do I. Like, everything has changed." He pauses. "We didn't sleep the same amount of hours. And the diapers. Argh, it gets worse each time. But, oh," he breaths. "She brings us so much joy. We can stare at her for hours without getting bored. She has your light. Like, when we get into a room everyone wants to see her, talk to her. The same with you." Specter looks further. "And she also has your eyes. The same color. Hazel. The most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, besides yours. Yeap, that's why. Hazel Lily Paulsen-Specter, what a beautiful name, huh?" He has a smug face.

"Are you ready?" Marcus touches Harvey's shoulders as he nods and stands up before both brothers walk towards their family.

"Look who's here. Dad is back, little one," Kate says in her petty voice to the little baby on her arms. "She missed you and was very angry because she didn't get to see her dad." She gently puts the baby in Harvey's arms.

"Hey, I was talking to your mom, but I'm here now," Harvey says to the three months old baby as he takes her in his arms. It's visible how the baby girl is calmer once she is in her father's embrace.

Even though Kate is not Marcus' wife anymore, she's been a good village to them. She and Marcus managed the best way to co-parent the kids after their divorce and they've been doing great with being friends. So because of it, Kate is still in their lives and since Hazel's birth, Kate has been nothing but helpful to this thing of being a parent of a newborn. Her, Marcus and even Bobby. The last one was something new for Harvey and in the beginning even uncomfortable, but he didn't complain about the help. He was too lost to even discuss something.

Flashback on

"Everything is going to be okay, Don," Harvey says to Donna and places a kiss on her forehead. "I'm here with you."

Donna is in pain. She is screaming. She has been trying this for the last 14 hours.

"Remember, if you want to stop. We can have a C-Section, okay?" He reminds her.

"I know, I know. Are we okay?" The redhead asks her ob-gyn who assures that both mother and baby are okay. "Then I can handle it!" she says doubtless.

She breathes, a deep breath. Fulfilling her lungs with all the air she can take. She then screams once more. A loud and continuous scream. She feels the burn of the ring of fire and she knows for sure that this time is happening. She is giving birth. She screams even louder. And then silence. And then Donna breathes in relief. And then a low cry.

"It's a girl, Harvey. It's a girl," she says, taking her baby from the water and taking her into her arms.

Harvey is staring at the two women of their life in ecstasy. Donna is crying yet still beautiful. She is also smiling. A big smile, the biggest smile he ever saw on her face. Donna is a mother. She is the mother of their daughter.

He finally smiles, standing behind Donna's back once she is leaning against the brim of the plastic pool they built so she could have her natural childbirth as she wanted. Specter stares at the little girl who is no longer crying and is being breastfed by Donna.

"She is beautiful, Donna. Our baby is beautiful," Harvey says. Tears are falling down his face.

"She is. She is beautiful as our love is. She is a creation of our love." Donna says, feeling emotional and kisses Harvey's lips. "I love you, Harvey Specter."

"I love you, Donna Paulsen."

"And we love you, little girl." Both of them say at the same time, looking at the baby girl.

"She has your eyes," he says, shifting his gaze to his wife.

As they request, they have their golden hour with the newborn. Donna adjusts herself on the bed in the room and the couple spend the time talking about the little girl, amazed and fascinated by her. And even take some pictures to send to their family to say that everything is fine.

After an hour, the ob comes back followed by two nurses. "I'm sorry, but we need to take her just for a little while."

Harvey and Donna agree. Harvey cuts the navel-string. After that Donna hands the infant to the nurse.

"You need to rest, Don. It was hard work," Harvey says to Donna, playing with a ringlet of her natural curly hair and he so damn loves it.

"I- "she starts to say something but she abruptly stops.

"Is everything okay, Donna?" he asks, noticing her turning pale like a ghost.

"I-I'm not okay," she says a bit woozy.

"Oh, no, Donna," Harvey says, taking her into her arms once she faints on the pillow. "Please, can somebody help here?" Specter screams for help.

Two nurses run into the room, asking for Harvey to stay away while they're checking on her. The ob also enters the room and starts to examine Donna.

Harvey stays there, frozen, in silence, in shock.

"Mr. Specter, please I need you to-" One of the nurses says, approaching Harvey.

"Is she okay?" He interrupts, looking at her still flat.

"We're going to take care of your wife, Mr. Specter. But you have to let us do our job," the man leads Harvey towards the door and soon he is out, they close the door and the curtains and Harvey can not see a thing.

Flashback off

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours

So I could just show up and bring the news

That she's gettin' older and I wish that you'd met her

The things that she'll learn from me

I got them all from you

Can I just stay a while and we'll put all the world to rights?

The little ones will grow, and I'll still drink your favorite wine

And soon they're goin' to close, but I'll see you another day

So much has changed since you've been away

Donna had died giving birth to their child. Donna had died only three years after they got married. Donna had died three months ago and this is the first time he can visit her grave. Before walking away from her grave, Harvey left a tiny mug with black coffee, two sugars and a splash of vanilla.

After the funeral he was not doing well in Seattle, even with Rachel and Mike helping him. Everything in the house reminded him of Donna. Every place at their house had a memory they built. It was not just big moments like when she told him she was pregnant with baby Hazel, but there were also silly moments when she tried to scare him on Halloween and failed and the year after he just pretended that he was scary as hell just to make her laugh and to make happy. Or also when they were just running around the house because she stole a piece of his cake and he ran after her and they both burst into laughter on the floor while he tickled her.

He tried, he really tried to stay there with Hazel, but it was too much to deal with at the same time. How demanding it was to have a newborn, the sleep deprivation, the grief, the physical pain of Donna's absence. And his worries of having to get back to work.

They stayed in Seattle for two weeks and then he received a call from Marcus saying that he could stay with him for a while. Marcus said he could help with the baby and other stuff. Harvey thought "why not?". Marcus is a father, it would be helpful to have him around. Add to that the fact that after losing two people from his family it would be good to be back home again with his brother, nephew and niece. And maybe this would be an opportunity to have an intense connection with them.

Harvey initiated a conversation with Mike and Rachel about the best time to be back at work and the lawyer said "take the time you need, Harvey. You're a partner here, but also my best friend. Your place is safe here for when you come back." Harvey really appreciated the gesture. Usually he would be buried in work in order to not feel his grief, but this time it was different. A lot had changed and he needed to spend time with his girl and give her all the love he could give.

After the conversation with Mike, he packed their stuff and flew to Boston with Hazel. While they were in Boston he thought about selling the house he lived in with Donna, except that once he was living in his childhood home he thought about that even though he had a lot of bad memories from the place, he also had a bunch of good memories. Oh, the good old days. Because of it, he decided to keep the place. Once he was ready he would build new and good memories for his child.

Flashback on

You know that I don't like to say goodbye

Didn't know that we were out of time

I'm sorry that I couldn't save your life

So I walk and I walk

After he leaves the room, he calls Michael saying that he is now the father of a little girl and explains that Donna is not okay. Mike says that he and Rachel would be at the hospital anytime soon to support him while he is waiting.

The couple arrives almost ten minutes before Harvey's call. They hug, they talk and nothing is enough to relieve Harvey's tension and mood.

40 minutes. He is there, walking back and forth thinking about all the worst case scenarios. It was the most tormenting 40 minutes in his whole life.

He is here. And she is there. The last time he saw her she was not conscious. She looked like she was dead. Harvey puts these thoughts away because the bare idea of losing her is making him unable to breathe.

He sees the ob, the doctor that helped to bring her little daughter to life. She is walking into his direction. An expression he can't describe.

"How's Donna?" he says desperately.

"Mr. Specter, we're sorry," she pauses, thinking about what to say next. "But your wife didn't survive. We did everything we could, but the damage was severe."

Harvey hears a loud cry coming from Rachel and he can feel Mike's hands on his shoulders. He deflects it and starts to walk.

"Harvey, where are you going?" Mike asks him.

"Leave me alone," he answers, still walking away.

Seconds ago he had thought that the most difficult time of his life was being there, waiting for news. But now he is facing an even more difficult situation. Donna died. The love of his life is dead.

"Love is a terrifying thing. It's not safe. Because when you love someone you have to face the fact that you could lose them. Sometimes, life throws an unexpected wrench in your way. It might be that you're in jeopardy of losing your career, your freedom or worst of all, you might even find out that a loved one has died."

His vows echoing inside his head. Back at their wedding, he was talking about his mother, the woman he lost just a few months before their wedding, but it seems like they just knew that they wouldn't have much time together. He never thought of the fact that he could lose her. At least not like this. Not on the day it was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives.

But now here he is, walking aimless in the hospital's corridors. Not so sure what life is going to be without her. Without the redhead he always loved but was in denial to say something. It took him 12 years to finally profess his love for her and only three years of a happy marriage.

Now Harvey is feeling guilty. Guilty for not indulging himself in what he felt for her. If only he didn't take so long to realize what was in front of him. Maybe, just maybe they could have more time. More time to enjoy themselves as a couple.

He just wants one more day with her. One more day to try to make her the happiest woman in the world. One more day to see her face. One more day to see her smile. One more day to make her laugh. One more day to smell her scent. One more day to touch her pale skin. One more day to kiss her soft lips. One more day to hug her.

No, one more day can not be enough. He wants a lifetime with her. But they will not have it, because she is gone. She is gone for real and now there is no more Harvey and Donna and the baby. It is just Harvey and the baby.

Flashback off

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours

So I could just swing by and ask your advice

What would you do in my situation?

I haven't a clue how I'd even raise them

What would you do?

'Cause you always do what's right

Can we just talk a while until my worries disappear?

I'd tell you that I'm scared of turning out a failure

You'd say, "Remember that the answer's in the love that we create"

So much has changed since you've been away

Now they're in Seattle again. Marcus and Kate helped him to pack back. He needs to go back to work. He is still dealing with his grief, but he needs to remain sane because of her. Because of Hazel. The little life that he is holding in his arms now and is basically everything he has of Donna. His daughter is like a perfect copy of her mom. She has Donna's eyes, hair, lips, everything. It's like their DNA knew that Donna wouldn't survive giving birth and in an attempt to make things easier to him, like a lifetime memory of her as if he would need to be reminded of Donna.

For years the beautiful redhead was everything to him. His secretary and COO. His best friends. His compass. His partner. The most important person in his life. The love of his life. After they finally professed their love for each other, Harvey thought that he couldn't love a person more and more each day like he loved Donna. And then when they found out that she was carrying something built from their love, he was able to feel even more blessed, loved and capable of love. He would finally have a family of his own. He would finally change what family means to him.

"None of us know how much time we really have. It could be minute. It could be an hour. It could be 50 years."

But fate seems to be just messing with him. When he was finally at peace with his mom, she died too soon after that and the same movie passed when only three years after his marriage, his wife died. It was too soon.

He wants more. He needs more. Not that more could be close to enough. Like Donna said in their wedding vows, "But I know even if it's a hundred years, I'll never have enough time with you." And it would not be enough, for sure, but he was expecting, at least, more time with her. They deserved more. It was just not fair. And truth be told, he always thought that he would be the one to die first because the mere idea of living this life without her was excruciating.

Donna was so happy during her pregnancy. Making so many plans on how they would pract parenthood. What would be best for their child to eat, to learn and what not to do. She was excited about it. To live it in its best.

They decided not know the sex of the baby, it would be a surprise when the baby was born. Although they discussed a lot about name possibilities: Lily if it was a girl and Gordon if it was a boy. Harvey almost cried because of it. The fact that both of his parents died and this would be the closest their child would have to be with them. However, Harvey pointed out that it would not be fair only his family being considered for the name options. Donna refuted, saying that "as much as I love my mother and father, neither their first nor middle name is worth to honor." So they agreed to take Lily and Gordon as their first option.

The little girl moans something and Harvey smiles, looking at her. "I know, Hazel. She loves you too. And we'll miss her all the time. Forever."

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours

And I would ask them if I could take you home

But I know what they'd say, that it's for the best

So I will live life the way you taught me

And make it on my own

I will close the door, but I will open up my heart

And everyone I love will know exactly who you are

'Cause this is not goodbye, it is just 'til we meet again

So much has changed since you've been away