What has become of this city?

There used to be laws. Justice. Not anymore.

Crime is out of control. Cats are missing, and townspeople are being victimised.

We were supposed to protect those who couldn't protect themselves.

Now superheroes are torn apart by political differences.

We are two sides at war. But war isn't going to save our city.

Time travel is my only hope now. Myths tell of ancient times when a new king united a king.

There's no time to waste. I have to go back. Change the present if I can, and find this cat.

And in doing so... Perhaps, I can change what has happened to all of us.

- Eric Cartman, The Coon

SOUTH PARK: THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE

Our story began in Ancient Zaron. 627 A.D. The Kingdom of Kupa Keep was battling the Moorish outside the Bobinski/Stotch/Cartman/Marsh/Broflovski/Pirrip Residences. Among those representing the KKK during the battle were High Jew Elf Kyle, Paladin Butters, Blacksmith Pip, Thief Craig and Warrior Clyde.

"The Moorish are attacking! There's Moorish everywhere!" Butters yelled.

"Don't let them get to our base!" Kyle added.

"It's too late! They've taken Kupa Keep!" Clyde said, as a Moorish warrior appeared from the right, and struck him down. "Agh!"

From behind the fence of Kupa Keep/Cartman's house, Jimmy the Bard climbed up the fence, calling for help.

"Fellas! They got the base! You gotta stop 'em!" He yelled as he was later dragged down by a few more warriors.

"Fight the Moorish!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Their armor is too strong! They're wearing bicycle helmets!" Craig replied.

"Oh, good heavens, this is terrible!" Pip exclaimed. "Whatever shall we do to stop these savages?!"

In an attempt to answer Pip's question, Kyle walked up a few steps, looking in several directions. A certain someone was missing.

"Where is the king?!" He asked.

Meanwhile inside the Bobinski Residence, Seth was seen waking up in bed wearing his pajamas, to the sound of A Man Without Love by Engelbert Humperdinck playing in the background. With this wake up call, Seth got out of bed before getting dressed in his Kupa Keep attire, while also donning his crown, retrieving his magic wand and a few other Stick of Truth memorabilia, such as a hammer, bow and arrow, a few health potions and a few other bits.

"I think that's everything... I think I gotta take a shit." Seth said to himself.

After getting a look around his room for a bit, Seth sighed and headed out of the room, and went straight for the bathroom. He then proceeded to sit on the toilet to do his personal business relating to his bowels. After finishing with said business, Seth left the bathroom, finding his parents, who were having an argument. By this point, the music had stopped. No more Engelbert for you!

"We should be happy that he's made friends in this town so quickly!" Kelly said.

"We came here to hide! More friends just means more trouble!" Chris replied.

"You're being paranoid!" Kelly retorted. "You need to lay off that stuff! It's changing you!"

"OH, LAY OFF! It's the one thing that helps me relax from your stupid shit!" Chris yelled, before both parents saw Seth standing outside the bathroom door. "Oh, hey, whippersnapper! Didn't see you there!"

"Uh... Hey, guys." Seth said awkwardly. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Seth! Everything's fine!" Kelly said reassuringly. "Your friends are downstairs, kiddo! Get out there and play!"

Both parents made a short laugh, before making their own ways out, with Chris into the master bedroom, and Kelly downstairs towards the kitchen.

Following this, Seth made his way downstairs, heard knocking on the door, and answered it. Kyle and Butters were seen outside the door.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" Seth asked, greeting his two friends.

"My lord! The filthy Moorish are attempting to overtake Kupa Keep!" Kyle explained.

"Shit, those guys again?!" Seth replied, as if this wasn't the first time.

"Yes! You gotta come fight, my liege!" Butters added. "You're our only hope!"

"Okay, sorry I didn't come out sooner. I overslept cause I stayed up all night listening to Queen songs." Seth admitted, leaving his house, and following both Kyle and Butters.

"Well, come on, dude!" Kyle replied, as they began their venture into the battlefield.

As the three walked down the road, two Moorish warriors appeared, blocking their path.

"What, you moved to town and you get to be king?" One of them asked. "I think you're a little pussy!"

"Fuck you say?!" Seth exclaimed.

"Punch that Moor in the face, King!" Kyle said.

"Yeah, he can't talk to you like that!" Butters added.

"I AM A MAN!" Seth yelled, as he punches the warrior, beginning the first battle.

"Go King Go!" Butters cheered.

"Teach 'em a lesson, my lord!" Kyle added.

"Let us battle!" The warrior declared.

"I decree that I shall fuck you up!" Seth replied, before turning to Kyle and Butters. "Hey, you guys remember how we did this last time? We haven't done this in like 3 years."

"Oh, we changed the rules a little bit since yesterday." Kyle answered.

"Huh?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, you gotta walk up to bad guys before you can hit 'em now." Butters confirmed.

"Right, well, when you're using a melee attack." Kyle added.

"Alright. Good thing I still have my wand." Seth said, as he went up to the warrior, and took him down with his Magic Wand.

"I'm outta here!" The warrior stated, as he ran away from the fight.

With his buddy gone, the second warrior stepped up.

"I'm not afraid of you and your strategic King combos!" He said, as he went up to Seth and swung his sword at Seth, damaging him slightly.

"Ow, bitch!" Seth whined.

"Oh man. Ok, really hit 'em this time, King!" Butters said.

Taking Butters' advice, Seth executed another attack on the second warrior with his wand, and that warrior was defeated as well.

"We can't stop him! Ready the Guards of the Dark Court!" He said, fleeing.

"Wow! Did you see that? The King's amazing!" Kyle said.

"His powers are unparalleled!" Butters added.

"You're too kind, guys!" Seth replied. "Now let's keep moving!"

The three then continued across the way, and encountered three bruisers this time.

"Ah! More dastardly evildoers!" Seth stated.

"You can't take us all on!" The first bruiser said.

"Yeah, just walk away!" The second one added.

"Fuck that shit, I'm the King! I do what I want!" Seth retorted.

With that, another battle began, with Seth taking the first move.

"Hey, what? I'm supposed to go first!" The first bruiser complained.

"Nuh uh, the King got combat advantage - he goes first!" Kyle replied.

"Yeah, suck it!" Seth added.

Seth then attacked with a fart, knocking back some bruisers.

"Dragonshout!" He shouted.

"Aah, Jesus Christ!" One of the bruisers exclaimed.

"Oh, the humanity!" Butters added.

"It's fine, they're the bad guys." Kyle said.

"Oh yeah. Go King!" Butters cheered.

"You can't keep the Moors down!" The second bruiser stated, before Seth then struck him with his wand.

"The Guards of the Dark Court are pussies!" Kyle said.

"Hey, shut up!" The third bruiser retorted.

"You shut up!" Seth argued. "Don't talk to the High Jew Elf like that!"

"Screw you!" The bruiser replied.

"No, screw you!" Seth shouted. "Screw you, sir!"

"Enough! The Moors will triumph!" The second warrior declared, as he tried to attack Seth, but failed.

"Can't touch this!" Seth said.

"Our King is undefeatable!" Butters added.

"Our King shrugs off your puny blows!" Kyle added to that.

Seth eventually defeated the bruisers as well, ending the battle.

"Like my paladin said; Undefeatable!" He boldly stated.

"Let's go. We've got to get inside Cartman's house." Butters declared.

The three Kupa Keep warriors then made their way to Cartman's Residence, only to be stopped by two guards, with a pile of lava (essentially red Lego bricks) between them.

"Stand aside or die! We're going through that door!" Seth demanded.

"You can't!" The first guard said.

"Oh yeah? Why not?!" Kyle asked.

"Because everything in front of here is lava!" The second guard answered.

"Oh, dude, no way. All that is lava?" Kyle replied.

"Yup, everything from here to here is lava. You can't cross it!" The first guard added, as both guards entered the house.

"Shit!" Kyle said in an annoyed tone.

"Great! Now what?" Seth added.

Soon after, Craig, Clyde and Pip arrived to aid the other three.

"Ah, there you guys are!" Seth said as the three approached. "What happened?"

"The Moorish kept hassling us. We managed to hold most of them off though." Craig answered. "Come on, let's get inside."

"We can't. They say everything in front of the door is lava." Kyle explained.

"Oh, that is quite unfair!" Pip said in protest.

"Wait... What do you mean it's all lava?" Clyde asked.

"What does he mean? He means everything in front of the front door is lava. Everything in front of the front door is lava." Seth replied.

"What do you mean everything in front of the door is lava?" Clyde asked again, clearly not getting it.

"How...can we explain this to you...differently? Everything...in front of the door...is lava." Seth responded annoyed. "It has blocked the entrance to Cartman's house. It's impossible to cross this barrier now. The lava needs to be extinguished so we can enter the house, Clyde."

"What do we do, my King?" Butters asked.

"What do you do now? You die! Release the dragon!" A Moorish warrior declared.

From the garage of Butters' house, a cardboard dragon emerged, rolled out with a red wagon, and garrisoned with two Moors.

"A dragon?!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Oh dear!" Pip added.

"We're fucked." Craig added to that.

"No way, our King's got this!" Butters stated.

"You damn right, sweet paladin!" Seth said, as another battle ensued, with Seth against the dragon and two warriors. The dragon then proceeded to "roar" at the Kupa Keep team.

"That's the dragon roaring! It's pissed." One of the warriors said.

The enemy made their first move, with a ranger shooting an arrow at Seth.

"Ow!" Seth exclaimed.

"Ugh. Man, he's still not dead?" Another warrior replied.

Seth used a Fart on the warriors, knocking them back, hitting the dragon as well.

"Dragonshout!" Seth exclaimed.

"Wow, did he just fart on a dragon?" Craig asked in surprise.

"Heck yeah, he did." Butters answered.

"You damn right!" Seth added.

The dragon then prepared its fire breath attack.

"Ready the fire breath!" A warrior declared.

Get out of the way of the fire breath!" Butters advised.

"Don't end your turn where it's gonna hit you." Craig added.

"Oh shit!" Seth replied, as he attempted to move out of the way, moving to the right end of the battlefield.

"Where are you going, my lord?" Kyle asked. "That is World's End!"

"I'm trying to get the fuck outta the way, dude!" Seth answered. "I don't wanna get my ass fried!"

With Seth out of the way, the dragon fired onto the danger zone, accidentally eliminating the two warriors.

"Hah, our King dodged it!" Kyle said amused.

"Ha! Your dragon's fire breath is nothing compared to magic!" Seth added.

"Ah, dammit!" The other warrior said in frustration.

"Ok, if you get a fire breath attack, our King gets his Hammer of Heavenly Reign!" Kyle declared.

"Ooh! Now you're fucked!" Seth stated, as he prepared the ultimate ability.

"You can't stop the Ki- Car!" Kyle called.

"Car!" Seth, Butters, Pip, Craig and Clyde added.

An incoming vehicle was approaching the battle. As the car honked at the fighting warriors, Seth went over to the sidewalk. The two warriors who were defeated arrived to push the dragon out of the road as well.

"Stay out of the street, damn kids!" The driver said as he passed by.

"Clear!" Kyle said as both Seth and the dragon returned to their positions.

"As I was saying, you can't stop the King! He is all powerful!" Kyle stated.

Seth took the Hammer of Heavenly Reign, and prepared for strike.

"YOU FUCKED UP NOW, SON!" He exclaimed, as he swung the hammer, smashing the dragon to pieces.

"What a smiting!" Kyle said.

"Oh shit!" One of the warriors exclaimed.

"That's right! You just got owned by a Dragon Slayer!" Seth declared, before approaching the warriors.

"It's not too late to give up. Go home! We're going to kill you!" He whispered. "Go home, now! Go home. Bye bye. We've already won. You can cancel anytime. Bye."

"Oh my god, he defeated the dragon!" A warrior exclaimed as he ran away.

"No fricking way, that kid's amazing!" Another warrior added as he too ran away as well.

After the Moorish fleed, the six Kupa Keep warriors regrouped to discuss their next plan.

"Well, that takes care of those jackasses." Seth said. "But how should we get to the kingdom now?"

"Maybe there's a way in through the garage, my lord." Kyle suggested, pointing to the Stotch Residence's garage.

"Great idea, High Jew Elf!" Seth replied as he entered the Stotch Residence garage, before turning to Butters. "You cool with me doing this?"

"Of course, my liege! You may do as you please with my stuff!" Butters answered. "Just don't let my dad find out..."

"If there is a way in through the garage, the King will surely find it." Pip said.

"Yes, only the King can find the secret way in through the garage, if there is one." Clyde added.

"He'll find a way. He's the most powerful King in all the realms." Craig replied.

Beginning his puzzle solving sequence, Seth found a cardboard box below a platform and punched it out of the way.

"Wow! Did you see that? The King's amazing!" Kyle exclaimed.

"You're getting a new Walkman from me this Christmas for that compliment, High Jew Elf!" Seth responded, as he moved a ladder onto the spot where the box used to stand, creating an access to a platform.

"Yes, only the King with his infinite wisdom and strength can get past this impassable barrier." Butters said, as he applauded with Kyle, Pip and Clyde.

After setting it up, Seth started to climb the ladder.

"Oh my word, King Seth is such a skilful warrior!" Pip exclaimed. "Did you all see the way he moved that ladder and used it to climb up?"

"He truly IS the most powerful King in all the realms!" Craig added, confirming what he said earlier.

"Holy fuck, he's amazing!" Clyde added to that.

"I love you guys too! Everybody gets a Walkman!" Seth replied, as he managed to get to the roof of the garage. He then looked down to his allies for a moment.

"Hey, dudes, check this out! I'm gonna do a sick jump off the roof!" He declared, before sliding down the roof. "WOOHOO!"

"I thought the king was going to do a sweet jump, but then, he just did that." Craig said. He probably didn't like the jump that much.

After Seth successfully jumped off, he landed in Kupa Keep, landing on top of a random Moorish warrior in the process. He then found the Bard held hostage by two Moorish warriors, and interrogated by Kevin Stoley.

"Speak, Bard! What happened to the Stick of Truth?!" He asked.

"The wizard had it thrown into the ocean!" Jimmy answered.

"Lies! You shall feel the wrath of the Moorish!" Kevin declared.

"Unhand him, you heathens!" The voice of Kyle demanded.

At this time, Kyle, Butters, Pip, Clyde and Craig had now made their way into the kingdom as well.

"Release The Bard or you'll have the King to deal with!" Butters added.

"That's right, you Moorish bastards!" Seth said aggressively. "I'mma fuck you up!"

"The King!" Kevin exclaimed.

"They say he can slay a dragon with one blow!" A Moorish warrior said.

"That's right! And if you don't..." Kyle said, before realising something was amiss. "Wait, wait... whoa, where is the wizard?"

"Uh, I thought he was with you guys." Jimmy said.

"No, we got a distress signal to come help him here." Clyde responded.

"Come to think of it, have any of you blokes seen the wizard today?" Pip asked.

"Not me." Craig answered.

"I don't get it, it's not like Cartman to be late for this stuff." Seth added. "Maybe we should call him. Anyone got his number?"

Before anything could be done, Cartman finally made his appearance, standing in between the Kupa Keep and Moorish warriors. However, he wasn't exactly the Grand Wizard anymore...

"The wizard is gone! My name is The Coon! I'm from the future." He said.

"...What the hell are you wearing, Cartman?!" Seth asked in a confused tone.

"Dude, we said we're not playing that anymore." Craig said.

"Yeah, we're all split up. What's the point?" Clyde added.

"This is the point!" The Coon answered, flashing a missing poster for Scrambles. "In my time there is a massive crime wave and missing cats! I knew my only hope was to assemble the team."

"I'm so confused." Seth said.

"Hey, you can't switch games like this. Where's the Stick of Truth?" Kevin demanded.

"Shut up, Kevin. This isn't about some dumb stick!" The Coon replied. "There's a cat in trouble, and it's the key to finding the crime syndicate new to our town! In the future."

"Crime syndicate? That... That sounds rather too dangerous for Coon and Friends." Pip said nervously.

"Well, what do you want, Pip?" The Coon replied annoyed. "You want the fucking Freedom Pals to find the missing cat, get the hundred dollar reward, and make their superhero franchise more popular?!"

"Fuck the Freedom Pals, dude." Kyle said.

"That's right." The Coon said in agreement. Shortly afterwards, Liane opened the glass door from the kitchen to address him.

"Poopsiekins. There's a loud ringing coming from your basement playroom." She said, prompting The Coon to turn his back with his eyes wide open.

"The Coon alert!" He exclaimed. "Come on, Coon Friends, go get your stuff and report back to the Coon Lair! In the future!"

"Coon and Friends assemble!" Jimmy cheered.

He proceeded to take off his hat and make his way out of the kingdom, along with the rest of the Kupa Keep warriors, now known as the Coon and Friends superheroes. Butters had also mysteriously disappeared during the conversation by this point, but nobody else noticed his departure.

"Well, see you, guys!" Seth said to the Moorish, before The Coon turned to everyone else.

"Sorry, guys. You can't play with us. We're playing superheroes now, and you guys are dorks. You too, Douchebag." He said.

With that, The Coon went back inside the house, leaving Seth alone in the Kingdom of Kupa Keep with Kevin and the Moorish.

"...Fucker!" He said angrily.