Much thanks to L-I-G-H-T for the beta read for this chapter, and for the reviews for the first chapter!
"Good morning, Sasuke," a cheerful girl's voice said. What, it can't be morning. And then the rest of me caught up. I blinked, and looked down at my hands, clasped. They weren't as small as the last time, but still pale, wrists covered by the blue ties buckled down to keep the white arm warmers from slipping. Another Naruto dream? Really?
And this time, it was the academy. I remembered this episode even, both from watching it the very first time it aired, and many times more during rewatches, most recently just last weekend. Was it something I ate? Did I need to adjust my diet? Go to counseling more?
My contemplations didn't help me any, because the chattering of increasingly angry preteen girls was only becoming louder. Sakura and Ino were at the front of a crowd that was starting to become all the girls in the room. And then, a light thud on the desk in front of me. I looked up. Naruto was squinting at me, way too close for comfort. Wait, no.
I was not into having a repeat of that dumb kiss as Sasuke. I moved to get out of the way, but it was too late, the kid in the row in front had already shouted, jostling Naruto and— our foreheads crashed together at the headplates. Hard. For being a dream, that hurt.
"Hey! What's the big deal?" Naruto shouted. The blond had fallen over, and was rubbing one hand to his forehead where he had shoved the hitai-ate up.
"Oh, Sasuke! Are you okay?" Ino. She managed to shove her way past all the other girls, slide in past the desk and pull me back into a sitting position. "Naruto, you can't just be on desks like that!"
"Yeah, Naruto!" Sakura had gone around to the other side. I was now stuck in place between both of the fangirls, and Naruto was sulking on top of the desk. The last time I had ended up in a situation like this was undergrad.
"I didn't even do anything!"
A disgruntled noise rose from somewhere behind us. "This is the last time we're going to be in here, do you really have to make it more of a drag than it already is?"
Ino twisted around to glare daggers at the speaker. "It's not my fault you're so lazy and don't have a romantic bone in your body, Shikamaru!"
On the plus side, my penchant for observing and overthinking to myself quietly wasn't being commented on. Everyone else was also too wound up in themselves.
"And you think Sasuke does? He hasn't replied to any of you." Shikamaru scoffed. Okay, maybe one person noticed. I looked back to stare at him. He had the audacity to look pleased with himself.
"He was probably knocked senseless by Naruto's big head!"
"Ehhh? Sakura, my head isn't that big! Is it?"
I felt fingers grip onto my head from behind. I twisted away from looking back at Shikamaru, raising an arm to bat away the offender. It only made it worse when I got poked in the eye by a slipping finger. "Gah!" Naruto. It had to be. "What do you think you're doing!?"
"I'm comparing the size of our heads!" Did he really have to shout so close to my ears?
"You just got me in the eye!" I kept trying to twist around and move to bat him off, but he was frustratingly clingy. Was this how he managed to graffiti the carved hokage faces? Climbing skills like this?
"I can't measure right if you don't hold still!" Knees dug into my sides.
"Get! Off!" The words were punctuated by my attempts to elbow him, and when that didn't work, smash him into the desk. Still no luck. Was he a limpet or something? Did he have a mountain goat in his ancestry? Was that the secret behind the Fourth?
"Nooo! That's his best feature! They're so deep and thoughtful looking!" Ino was fine with beating Naruto up with the other girls, but that was the best she could come up with when he had an active death grip on my head? Really?
How did this dream end up devolving worse than the actual show?
"Shannaro!" She wouldn't. I suddenly had a bad feeling about this.
Naruto's head smashed into the back of mine. I went over the edge of the bench, falling onto the floor. I couldn't believe she did it. The only upside was that Naruto had finally let go after Sakura's attack.
It was time for a tactical retreat, away from this nonsense. When I got up and brushed myself off, I ignored both of the girls' protests and Naruto, pushed my way out and walked away to sit somewhere else away from persistent fangirls. I ended up sitting next to Shino; of all the possible options in the room, he was the only one the preteen fangirls were staying clear of. Thankfully, none of them closed in. A few even whined.
"Great kunoichi they'll make if they're creeped out by a classmate," I said, under my breath.
Shino turned to stare at me. "You think they find me that off putting?"
I forgot he wasn't only close enough to overhear that, but how much hearing something like that would have sucked at this age. I also felt a vague sense of unease at the idea of trying to lie. "Probably, but they're all vain and self-centered."
"Good," Shino said, satisfied. And then he turned to look at the front of the classroom again.
...What just happened?
The door opened, and Iruka walked in, a clipboard in his hand. Team assignments. Even as I found myself wondering what the other names were that were skipped over for the sake of speeding the story along, looking at Iruka threw me. As a character, he was set up as a responsible adult, an experienced teacher and even a father figure of sorts to Naruto. But... he really was still baby-faced, even with the scar bisecting his nose. If he showed up as a student to the class I was a teaching assistant for myself, I wouldn't have blinked twice. But here, he was actually in charge of this rowdy bunch of kids. To them, he would count as old, which made me feel old. I had seniority on him, and maybe even Kakashi. It was a strange contrast compared to right now. Just the weirdness of a dream.
"Alright, alright, quiet," he finally called out, and there was a short scramble as people moved to be behind desks. Even from sitting near Shino, I could see Ino and Sakura's sour expressions as they realized they had ended up as deskmates with Naruto between them instead. The blond was too busy mooning over the fact he was sitting next to Sakura to realize neither girl was happy with the circumstances.
"As of today, you are all ninjas. To get here, you faced difficult trials and hardships. But that's nothing," Iruka said, proudly, looking at all of us. I didn't even belong here and I felt pleased at his earnest praise. I could see the impact he had on the students here. All of the ones in view, even Naruto, were sitting a bit straighter, not wanting their sensei to be disappointed in them. For all I knew, though, Shikamaru was probably still slouching. "What comes next will be far more difficult. Now you're only genin, first level ninjas. All the genin will be grouped into three man squads. Each squad will be led by a jōnin, an elite ninja."
I could hear small gasps from throughout the classroom, particularly from the fangirls. Ino and Sakura were already glaring daggers at each other.
"We want each squad to have a balance of strengths and weaknesses, so that's how we set them up. I will now announce the squads." As Iruka began to list team one, I gazed around to see what the various reactions were. None of these kids really showed up again after this in the show, but going off the threats Kakashi had made, about getting recycled back into the academy, that probably made sense, though I really didn't get the point behind throwing them back when they graduated. What would a genin even do if they were kept back? Naruto's own surprise had to have meant they weren't kept with the general student pool. Actually, just how big was the Academy supposed to be?
"...And now, team seven." Did I really just space out through the first seven teams, or was it something my head didn't even bother to fill in? "Haruno Sakura... Uzumaki Naruto—" A loud cry and a "Yes!" interrupted him briefly before he continued on, "—And Uchiha Sasuke."
Sakura cheered as nearly every other girl in here wailed at their misfortune.
"What! Iruka-sensei, how could I end up with that loser!?" There we go. That was supposed to be after all of the squad announcements, but I guess not getting beaten into a pulp meant he was more willing to complain sooner. Naruto was about to get embarrassed in front of the whole class. Watching it on the screen was one thing, but I didn't want to even dream about being in the same room as that much second-hand embarrassment.
"Does it really matter?" I said out loud, before Iruka could explain the ranking for teams. Especially when while it might have been the reason Iruka was given, it probably wasn't the actual one. "We're still going to be on the same team as genin, whatever we do, so we're going to have to work together."
"Yeah, right! Like I want to work with you!"
"He's right," Iruka said. He nodded in approval towards me. "Whether you like it or not, you're going to be teammates. As ninja of Konoha, we all have to work together and that means learning in your genin teams is crucial to your future."
Naruto exhaled. "Fine, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!"
I let out a breath in relief. While it was probably impossible to prevent Naruto from making a complete ass of himself all the time, dream or no, it didn't mean I wanted to watch him get completely humiliated.
Iruka continued to read out the rest of the rest of the team assignments. Once he was finally finished, he looked relieved. Did he expect the other assignments to get the same amount of protest or something? "After lunch, you'll meet your new instructors," he finally told us. "You're dismissed until then." Before anyone could even ask him any questions, he left the classroom. Not so fast that he could be accused of bailing on us, but it was definitely fast enough that if anyone had anything to say to him we would have had to chase him down.
What surprised me was that before Iruka got out the door, Naruto was already swinging himself over the side of the desk to go after him. "Hey! Hey! Iruka-sensei! Wait up!"
He didn't wait. It was probably just as well that Naruto bolted after him, door clattering behind him. And then… A shout that was undeniably Naruto, but muffled enough that we couldn't make it out from in here. It had to be about the scores.
I didn't bother to wait. I found myself not wanting to stick around for whatever else Ino and Sakura would have in store, and quickly left the classroom. Not quite as fast as Naruto did in his desire to harass Iruka, but fast enough that I didn't see any of the others in the corridor before I went up the stairs.
It wasn't until I stopped that I found myself concerned. Did I just... I was holding a small wrapped bundle, which when I opened it revealed a cylindrical bento. And I was in the same spot Sasuke was in this part of the story. I hadn't meant to go anywhere in particular, this just happened. Was that going to be the norm with this kind of weird lucid dream that I was beginning to become worried was going to become a pattern?
I huffed, and decided that I didn't want to think about it too much for now. Even if I didn't want to assume that the rest of this dream was going to go like it did in the story, this was still a pretty nice place to look out from. It was a high enough vantage point that I could see the grounds out around the academy, and into the village some.
Looking out, I could see the newly minted Team Asuma (not that they knew it was going to be him) wandering out to sit outside on one of the stairwell platforms. Further below and beyond them on the grounds, Sakura. She was probably looking for Sasuke. For me?
I spied Naruto leaving the building and immediately approached her. I grimaced. I didn't expect it to turn out any way but how it did in the show, but I still watched anyway. Soon enough, he slunked off, completely rejected. Which meant that any time now he was going to come and invade my space up here.
Naruto on his own was too loud for my tastes. I didn't really mind kids, but earlier in the classroom had just reminded me exactly how loud middle schoolers were, and that they didn't fear showing it. And this bunch were able to carry weapons, which carried its own obnoxious factor. The only one of them that probably wouldn't drive me completely crazy was Hinata. Wait. No, that was a lie. She was sweet, but her fangirling was just directed towards Naruto instead. I didn't want to deal with that, either.
I leaned over the window sill. By now Naruto had disappeared from sight, which meant he was probably inside somewhere plotting. I didn't want to deal with him, but it looked like it was going to be inevitable. At least it was a nice day.
Finally, it happened. I hadn't heard him enter, but it was hard to ignore the sudden shout. When I turned away from the window, Naruto was lunging directly at me. I was entirely blank on what Sasuke had done when this happened. I dodged, twisting before he reached me and getting out of the way, only to watch Naruto go flying out the window. He shouted in surprise when he realized what was happening.
I managed to grab one of his feet, doing my best to brace against the wall to not go out through the window too, and was rewarded with a loud thumping crash from making sure I didn't find out how well he'd take a crash landing from this far up as he smashed against the outside wall. Holding onto him was a lot easier than I thought it'd be. "Were you trying to figure out if you could fly?" I couldn't help make the comment.
"That wouldn't have happened if you didn't move!" Naruto complained. His face bore the marks of the outside wall as he pushed against it to look up.
"What, was I supposed to let you knock me through the window instead?" I snarked. I immediately felt guilty. I was an adult. Not actually twelve. I was more mature than to get into a verbal fight with a twelve year old. Especially one like Naruto. Even in a dream. I could do a lot better than this.
"Just help me back up!" He swung his arms.
"What happened to not wanting to be on a team with me?" I couldn't help but ask. Even as I said that, it felt off. It was probably because even though I wasn't Sasuke, I couldn't imagine myself being too excited at being in the same team as Naruto either. I had never liked getting put on team projects with the loud ones, and he was a prime example of those kinds of kids at the worst possible age.
"Hey! You can't just leave me hanging here!"
"I could drop you," I threatened.
"You wouldn't!"
"You sure?" I did my best to adjust the grip I had on one of his legs. And then I let go of the other one. Even with that, it slipped a bit, and I was left holding onto the end of his ankle instead.
"Ah! Okay okay! Let me up!" Naruto panicked, flailing. "I give! You're such a jerk!"
"Yeah, well, payback," I said, muttering. I grabbed both legs again and started the surprisingly difficult task of pulling Naruto back up. It was harder than I thought it would be. Admittedly, it was for one big reason. "Stop wriggling around! What are you, a worm or something?"
"I can't help it, how am I supposed to not deal with getting my face scraped?" he shouted back up.
"By not trying to attack people right in front of windows!"
"Yeah, right! Didn't Iruka-sensei point out it was a good tactic?" he countered. I had no idea. Even so, it wasn't like I wanted to admit it.
"Probably not when you aren't expecting to go out of it!" I stopped, finally, once his legs were fully inside, and shoved so he'd be planted on the floor.
Naruto seemed to have different ideas on when was enough, because just as I did, he grappled the window edge and shoved inward. It was too much force at once, combined.
We crashed to the floor in a tangle. His already wild looking hair looked even crazier from his short time upside down and then this brief tumble. His cheeks bore some scrapes from smacking against the rough outside wall, mixing with the whisker marks. He looked ridiculous, and I ended up snorting in my attempt to stifle a laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" he said, pouting. Crossing his arms only made it harder for me to avoid laughing.
"You! You look all messed up, and this is what you're going to go back to the classroom looking like." I didn't need to bring up the reason why he'd probably not want it— Sakura would no doubt give him an even more frigid reaction if he inevitably tried to awkwardly flirt with her again.
He puffed his cheeks out in indignation, frantically combing his fingers through his hair, resulting in random flattened licks. My expression probably didn't help matters because he gave up with a final tousle that just barely looked better than it had before. "Agh! You ruin everything!"
"I was the one minding my own business when you came in here," I pointed out.
Naruto didn't look impressed at all by my logic. Which, honestly, could have been dream logic at work, or just Naruto being Naruto.
Either way, he was distracted enough that I didn't think I had to worry about his plotting, at least for now. I didn't really want to deal with thinking about the issues with getting tied up.
"Yeah, well, so!" A compelling argument, really. Anything else he was going to say was interrupted by an ominous gurgle and his eyes widening. "Ghhk!"
Oh, I knew what that was about. Dangling upside down out the window and all the moving around probably had sped it up. I had absolutely no interest in getting in the way of that mess.
He clutched his stomach, bolting to his feet. Before I could say anything, he ran for the stairs. I guess that was one way to get rid of Naruto. At least for now. That left the question of what to do next. I didn't feel like I was going to wake up any time soon. From where I was I could see Sakura sitting on a bench.
No. I refused.
I picked up Sasuke's lunch and went to the classroom instead. Sakura was just too much to deal with after the close-Naruto encounter. I didn't want to deal with more preteen drama. Not with this love triangle anyways.
Which seemed to invite only more issues. Not all of the students had left the classroom to eat their lunch or go elsewhere. Hinata was still in there, sitting near the front of the room, near her new teammates. Kiba was lying on top of one of the desks, knees pushed up and together, with Akamaru resting on top of his chest. Shino was barely finishing his lunch. And when Hinata saw me, she blushed. That wasn't a good sign.
"O-oh, Sasuke-kun," she began. "Do you know where Naruto-kun is?" Well, that was a power move for a shy girl like Hinata. I felt bad at even considering not telling her. The sense of guilt was just too strong. I caved.
"He didn't look like he was feeling too well," I said, hedging my bets with something vague that would still get the idea across. "He's probably going to be back in here later."
"Oh," she said, softly. She was clearly disappointed. "I hope he's alright. I wouldn't want him to miss his new teacher." Hinata's utter sincerity was powerful. And way too much.
"It's Naruto," I answered. "I'm sure he's fine." At least, in this case when it was just him drinking spoiled milk. I didn't think anything short of serious injury would really put him down at this point in time, and it's not like I was dreaming anything crazy. Before she could say anything more, I skirted around her to move on.
"Thank you, Sasuke-kun..." However much I wanted to pretend to ignore that, I couldn't, and gave an awkward nod at her. That seemed to pass Hinata's standards, and she went back to Kiba and Shino, who had watched the whole conversation. Shino didn't seem to care, but Kiba was smirking, and I could tell he was already planning on teasing her.
Why couldn't I get away from the preteen drama?
"What do you want with Naruto, Hinata?" Kiba started, a fierce grin on his face.
I really didn't want to watch this happen. While Kiba wasn't a complete and utter jerk in the show, he was absolutely insensitive enough that this was just going to be embarrassing to watch. There was no way for teasing someone sensitive to go well. This was the only plus ending up as Sasuke: not dreaming about being Hinata.
"Don't you think that's her own business?" I muttered. I didn't mean to say that outloud. Kiba still caught it, however, and turned to face me, Akamaru jumping off his knees with a tiny bark as the boy moved to sit up.
"Oh, so it's your business to get involved?"
"She just asked me where he was and I answered," I pointed out. "You're the one who butted in. Are you going to really make this a bad footing for your team, too, when we haven't met any of the jōnin instructors yet?"
God knew that Team Seven under Kakashi was the kind of disaster that could only be put together on purpose. Team Kurenai wasn't nearly as bad but Kiba would definitely make it like that if he kept it up.
"Like you're one to talk," Kiba snorted. "You bailed so fast Sakura started looking all mopey."
"Maybe, but I'm not teasing her. You're the one who should be rethinking their behavior here, not me."
A glance in her direction showed that Hinata was blushing, and only getting redder in the face. She wouldn't actually die of embarrassment if this kept up, right? Or blow up or something? Actually, I didn't want to risk that. "Hinata, do you want to go and look for Naruto with me?" I was going to regret this.
"Ah- I..." She managed to flush even brighter red than she had already become. And then, so quietly I barely could hear her, "Yes. I'd like that."
Kiba's jaw dropped. "Wha- hey!"
Shino managed to give the most meaningful look at Kiba I had ever seen from someone whose eyes you couldn't even see.
I couldn't believe I was going to do this. I walked back over to the door, sliding it open, and tilted my head, waiting for Hinata to come over. "Shino."
"Yes?"
"Think you can get it through Kiba's head what not to say to people you're supposed to work with?"
Kiba looked flabbergasted. "What! You can't take his side!"
I rolled my eyes. "It's not about taking sides, it's about not being insensitive to other people's feelings." I didn't wait to see if Shino was going to actually give a response.
We left just as Kiba started sputtering. I closed the door behind us.
"Y-you really didn't have to say anything..." Hinata said, still flushing brightly.
"He'll get over it," I told her, as I started to walk.
"How are you so sure?"
"Because his head's as thick as Naruto's. He'll be fine," I reassured her.
"Are you sure?" she asked, again.
"Well, if you don't want him to be fine, I guess we could let his mom know. I'm sure she'd have some words for him."
Hinata's eyes widened for a moment in shock, before she caught on that it was a joke. "He was just teasing," she said, finally. She still looked more at ease than she had earlier, though.
"He could have gone about it better," I said, shrugging. The restrooms had to be around here somewhere... but I had no idea where. Was it because I was overthinking it?
"Thank you for speaking up," Hinata said, again so softly I don't think I was supposed to actually hear her.
I didn't really know what to say, so I shrugged.
We turned a corner, heading outside, and I smacked head first into Naruto for what was the third time in a row. Why did that keep happening? I staggered, and he wound up on the floor. He still looked off-color.
"What, you again?" He clearly felt the same way I did over the repeated head knockings. "Watch where you're going!"
I made a face. "We were both going around the corner, no one's at fault here."
Next to me, Hinata had gone totally silent, standing still. Right.
"Hinata was wondering where you were," I said, when it became clear she was doing her best statue impression. Or maybe not the best, because she made the tiniest 'eep' when I said her name.
Naruto was completely oblivious. This was hopeless. "Oh! I was fine! Doing stuff!" he said, as he scrambled to his feet. His posture was suspiciously good, probably from trying to ignore his stomach. I guess he didn't want to expose a perceived weakness like the runs, even if he was utterly clueless that the girl he was talking to had a huge crush on him to the point of it being debilitating. "Got to be prepared for my future ninja career since I'm going to be hokage!"
Hinata blushed. "You'd make a good hokage, Naruto-kun," she managed to say with limited stuttering.
"Believe it!"
This was becoming painful to watch.
"It's about coming on time to head back to the classroom," I said, lying. I didn't actually know when exactly it was supposed to be, but I knew I didn't actually feel like playing at dream matchmaking anymore. Not when it gave me the vaguely uneasy feeling that it just meant it was going to be sprung back on me in return. It seemed inevitable, between the fangirls and repeat headbashing after avoiding Naruto's lips.
"Oh, Sasuke!" I could feel my insides begin to shrivel as Sakura made herself known. Was this my brain twistedly punishing me for pretending to be better than the boy band fangirls when I was in middle school? That I didn't know the difference between N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys? It had to be. "I was looking for you earlier, but I didn't see you!"
"I felt like having lunch alone," I said, avoiding gritting my teeth. Not that I actually ate any of it, but still.
"Oh." Sakura actually looked crestfallen. "I was hoping we could eat lunch together, since we're going to be on the same genin team…"
"We were going to walk back to the classroom together," Hinata spoke up, shyly. "Why don't you join us?"
"Sure!" Almost immediately, Sakura bounced back to cheerfulness to stand next to me, close enough to make me feel uncomfortable.
I had no counter against that. As much as I didn't want Sakura clinging to me, I had even less interest in shooting Hinata down on what was a reasonable suggestion, especially after not quite intentionally giving her a confidence boost. If anyone needed it, it was her.
"Sakura, you can't really want to be next to that guy, do you?" Naruto really was oblivious, wasn't he?
"You're too loud and immature to understand why someone like Sasuke's so cool," Sakura sniped at the blond, as she clamped a hand on my arm. Did Konoha just not teach anyone about personal space?
"I don't think there's anything cool about just staring into space all the time," Naruto grumbled. "And I'm plenty mature!"
"As if!"
I didn't know where to start with breaking up the bickering. Was there even anywhere to start with that? I sighed. "Let's just go back to class."
I think the only one completely happy in the whole group while we walked back was Hinata. She was pleased with walking next to Naruto, who still looked slightly disgruntled at Sakura's attack on his own perceived maturity, even though he was at least able to walk next to her. Sakura's own pleasure at invading my personal space was muted by Naruto's presence. I was too busy being preoccupied by evaluating how much of a personal attack the whole dream was on my being to even contemplate happiness.
For what had been a quick trip out of the classroom, by the time we got back, it had already started to fill up again with its new graduates. It looked like people had moved around to sit near their new teammates. Even next to the room's door it was obvious that the main topic of conversation through the room was what everyone thought their new jōnin-sensei would be like.
Hinata peeled off to rejoin Shino and Kiba— who looked still put out from earlier— but not before she whispered a quiet "Thank you" to me. It was so unexpected I barely caught it.
I shrugged awkwardly in return, before heading for the back row. There was still an open spot near the back corner which would at least make it harder for more things to happen, and I refused to give my subconscious more openings than it had already found already. There was no way I was going to bring any of this up in counseling. Ever. Maybe I'd write it out and set the paper on fire like I used to as a kid. Then again, that would also be acknowledging I even dreamed this, so maybe not that, either.
Of course, this came with the unfortunate fact that it wasn't going to be alone; Sakura was still clinging to my arm, and her expression was daring all the other girls to try and make something of it. And where Sakura went, so would Naruto.
"What was that about?" Naruto asked, as loud as he ever was. For someone who was good at setting pranks and evading nearly anyone looking for him, you'd think he'd have a better concept of an inside voice. At least in a dream.
"Maybe you'll find out when you're older," I muttered.
"Eh? What's what supposed to mean!?"
"It means you're such a boy, Naruto. Right, Sasuke?" On the one hand, I was personally inclined to agree with her. On the other, I wasn't sure why she would expect Sasuke to agree with her.
I decided to just not answer.
It wasn't long until Iruka returned, with the first of the jōnin-sensei to show up. The conversations taking place throughout the room died off entirely, leaving only silence. To my disappointment, I had no idea who any of them were, besides Asuma and Kurenai. Apparently my brain couldn't eke out any of the other more prominent jōnin in the series as stand-ins.
Iruka was actually finessing the whole process, by calling the students down by name instead of team, and introducing them to their jōnin-sensei, and even breaking the ice conversationally a bit before letting their new instructors take them away. Considering how much concern he showed over this class's graduates in the series, it made sense he wanted to be involved in the handover, though it did bring into question why he wouldn't have stuck around when Kakashi appeared to be a no-show. It made me wonder what the Academy's normal procedures would have been if it was real: this sort of turnover like Iruka was doing, or just leaving the students to the mercies of their new jōnin-sensei? Probably the second.
Eventually Team Seven were the only ones left in the room, along with Iruka. He was starting to look annoyed.
Naruto couldn't contain his impatience for that long. He actually clambered up onto the desk again, in spite of how well that had gone over for him earlier. "Hey, Iruka-sensei, what's taking this guy so long?" he shouted.
I decided it'd be a good idea to move.
"Naruto! How many times do I have to tell you to not stand on the desks!?" I barely had enough time to process Iruka suddenly holding a chalkboard eraser before it nailed Naruto straight in the face. He fell backwards in a puff of chalk dust, coughing, landing in the spot I had just evacuated.
Sakura stood up and glared at him, fanning the dust away from her as she tried to get out of its slowly expanding range. "I wanted to look nice for our new sensei, Naruto! And we don't even know if they will be a guy! One of the other jōnin-sensei was a kunoichi!" She actually sounded enthused by the possibility. I guess guys— impressing Sasuke- weren't actually the only thing on her mind. She still did her best to pat herself down to get as much of the chalk dust out of her hair and clothes, though.
I wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that this dream was going that far in filling out the sort of person an anime character could be, so I resolved it by walking away to sit at the front instead.
Iruka sighed. His burst of temper at Naruto had vanished as abruptly as it had arrived."You are right though," he admitted. He stood up from his desk. "It's been almost two hours since your new sensei was supposed to show up. I'm going to go find out what's taking so long. Just wait here." With that, he left the classroom, but not without stopping and turning around at the door. "And don't you even think about pulling anything, Naruto!"
Naruto groaned. I turned back to look. He hadn't moved from where he had landed yet. One foot was just barely sticking up in view. "Alright! Just find him so we can finally do cool ninja stuff!" He finally righted himself.
Sakura slid onto the bench next to me, and invaded my personal space once more. "What do you think our new sensei is going to be like?" she asked, trying to flutter her eyes at me. She did it for too long, and her direct eye contact afterwards went from attempted 'gazing' into just becoming an unsettling stare.
"I think… we're going to have to get used to them being late all the time," I said, twisting away so I could pretend she wasn't still trying to directly stare into my eyes. Sasuke's eyes. Beyond the fact that I wasn't comfortable with a middle school aged child trying to flirt with me, the fact that twelve year olds didn't even know how to flirt well made this more unsettling than it had to be. Not that I wanted to meet a twelve year old who could flirt well, but still.
"Ugh, I hope not!" Sakura said, sounding frustrated. "What sort of elite ninja is late all of the time?"
"He's probably lame and stuff," Naruto said, flopping on top of the desk in front of us. Sakura's hope that Team Seven's sensei would be a kunoichi didn't seem to matter in the fact Naruto had already decided it must be a man. Not that he was wrong.
I still wasn't going to tell him, though. I didn't want to deal with being bugged over knowing, which I could tell would already be inevitable if I did. So I ended up resting my head on clasped together hands, and resigned myself to waiting until Kakashi did show up. It made me wonder exactly how long we were going to be waiting; I know in the manga and show it was for hours, and it actually felt like I had been waiting the nearly two hours Iruka had mentioned, but what did that actually mean it was going to be? Two? Three? Four? With how realistic this dream was being, it wasn't something I wanted to actually imagine waiting out for that long.
Naruto pulled a crumpled and balled up piece of paper out of one of his pockets and started to throw it up above him, trying to catch it, increasingly letting it get closer. Every once in a while, he would fail to catch it at the last moment, and get smacked in the face by the paper.
Eventually, Sakura sighed heavily. "Do you really have to do that?" she asked, annoyed.
"Do what?" Naruto asked, letting it fall on his face, before he sat up.
"That! Play with trash," she said, making a face. "Why are you even carrying that around, anyways?"
"It isn't trash!" Naruto answered, indignantly.
That just made me even more curious. "What is it, then?"
"It's my rent notice," Naruto told me.
Sakura looked surprised. "You live on your own already? I thought there was an orphanage."
Naruto twisted away, looking self conscious for a split moment before recovering and pumping his fist. "Yeah! I have my own place, and I can keep my cupboard filled with instant ramen, and it means I don't have to put up with anyone in my own space! I'm a free man!"
Sakura didn't catch it. If anything, she only looked unimpressed by it. "Ugh. It's probably all gross and stuff." Well, she wasn't wrong there. In the show and manga at this point, Naruto did live in a disorganized and messy sty of a tiny apartment.
I wasn't going to bring up my own living arrangements, with Naruto's taking attention right now. Or Sasuke's living arrangements? Did it really matter that much when they were effectively the same?
Naruto looked unfazed. "But it's cool, Sakura!" I really hoped he was talking about living on his own, and not how much trash he must have that he didn't have to bother to clean up.
I only rolled my eyes a bit.
We settled into another boring lull of waiting, with various levels of patience. Eventually, Kakashi had to show up. It was only a matter of time, but I wasn't impressed by how long it felt. This was realistic in the worst way.
Naruto sat up again, and darted over to the door, where he opened it to peer out. "Where is this guy? Everyone else had their sensei show up hours ago and Iruka's gone!" That was different.
"Iruka left to go look," I pointed out. Not that he'd find Kakashi, since the jōnin was probably somewhere in the building if this was actually 'on schedule' according to the show. That would still be a sight to see though, just the idea of Iruka getting on Kakashi's case for being late was tantalizing, given how many horror stories I had heard from other grads who were working as TAs and had ended up working under perennially late professors who no longer had any fucks to give thanks to achieving tenure sometime in the eighties. Shame it would never happen, and wasn't actually real in any event.
"I really hope Iruka-sensei shows back up, or our new sensei does," Sakura said, wistfully. Even her tolerance for trying to behave and be an obedient student was starting to fray.
"Maybe I should prank him!" Naruto declared. "This guy deserves it after making us wait for so long!"
As entertaining as it could be to see Kakashi get an eraser to the head, I wasn't sure I wanted to see it as a dream. Also, with the luck I had so far, I wouldn't put it past the dream to have something else happen in retribution. "Why not wait to prank our new sensei?" I suggested.
"Eh?" Naruto and Sakura both looked at me like I had grown a second head. In retrospect, it wasn't actually something Sasuke would normally say, was it?
"There's no way you can come up with a prank that would actually catch a jōnin unaware, in a classroom, when they have already know what kind of reputation you have," I said, doing my best to convey with tone how stupid the idea actually was. "There's no way they're actually going to be that dumb. You vandalized the hokage monument only a few days ago."
"Oh! Yeah!" Naruto actually beamed. "Between that and the whole thing with accidentally stealing a forbidden scroll there's no way they don't know who I am!" He actually sounded proud of himself.
Sakura stared at Naruto like he was the crazy one now, attention shifted away from me. "You did what?!"
"Yeah! I learned a cool new jutsu and saved Iruka-sensei and then Iruka said I could be a ninja and he gave me his headband and everything! I graduated just like that!"
That was the worst summary of the introductory chapter and episode that I had ever heard. It was actually impressive, in a twisted way.
"If it was forbidden, it was probably forbidden for good reason!"
"But it's so cool! Watch!" He brought his hands together, ready to form a seal. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Before either Sakura or I could say anything, the room was filled to the point of being uncomfortably packed with dozens of Naruto clones. With that whole lead-up, I should have seen this coming.
"Huh. Interesting." Kakashi's voice came from the doorway; he was only able to lean in and look into the room due to the sea of Naruto clones taking up every bit of available space. Of course he would show up now. "I think… I'll see you on the roof." He backed away and firmly closed the door.
I wasn't sure if that was better or worse than his reaction in the show.
Sakura punched a Naruto, who burst into nothingness. "I can't believe you scared our sensei away!" She pouted at the realization she hadn't even hit the original.
"What?! That guy?" A few Narutos shouted together. At least those ones were mostly on the same page. The rest were beginning to chatter aimlessly, making the room an orange-themed din.
"Who else is it going to be?" Sakura pointed out, pushing a jostled clone away. "He did just say to meet him on the roof!"
"Can you just dispel all of your clones already?" I said, not entirely sure where to direct this point. Two of them were making faces at me, perched on top of the desk. I didn't appreciate this.
"Fine! I was just trying to prove it was nothing bad, you know!" a Naruto shouted, before getting accidentally shoved by another Naruto. After a moment of squawking, all but one disappeared. I guess this dream refused to be anything but zero sum at a minimum where Naruto was concerned.
"I'm not sure being crammed into a room with dozens of you isn't bad," Sakura muttered, before trying to perk back up. "We should go meet him!"
Naruto pulled a face. "Eh? He's the one who made us wait forever and you want to rush right up there?"
"Do you want to wait any longer in this room?" I pointed out. I didn't want to, that was for sure. Especially not if this dream was going to continue to poke ass and go as slow as it was.
His eyes widened. "No!" And with that, he scrambled, running out the door.
I realized my error soon enough. I turned to see Sakura was staring at me, hands clasped together.
"We can walk up together, since Naruto left. That was so smart of you," she said. I could practically feel the intensity of her crush rolling off her in waves, and it took everything in my power to not physically cringe.
"...We should hurry up," I answered, and instead walked over to the door, opening it. I didn't close it fast enough to avoid seeing Sakura look visibly crushed, hanging her head at the failed attempt as she trailed after me. It made me feel like I kicked a puppy.
Again, this made me realize I didn't actually really know how to get around here. Just like earlier, I tried to not think too hard about where I was actually going, letting the dream steer me instead. Thankfully, it didn't get me— or Sakura, since she was following me with a hangdog look— lost, and we made it to the roof with no trouble.
After everything else, that felt like a minor miracle as far as this dream was concerned.
Looking at the roof from this vantage point was actually interesting, compared to how it was shown from only specific shots. The fact that it required someone to think planting trees on a roof was a viable design choice was something I had always wondered about— sure, it looked cool for something drawn, but could you use trees this big in real life on a roof, too?— and the large arches that were probably supposed to be for some kind of partial shade canopy were sort of fascinating, but from standing there, it looked different, and made it possible to almost forget you were a few stories up. I guess that was the point of the trees.
Naruto was already hassling Kakashi when we found them.
"C'moooooooon, who are you!?" he demanded, from his seat on the wide stone steps. Kakashi was lazily perched on the railing ahead of him, arms folded over his chest.
Kakashi's visible eye closed, crinkling in a smile. "You didn't want to wait for your teammates?" he asked.
"Well, they're here now!" Naruto insisted. Sakura sat down first, and looked disappointed when I sat down on the other side of Naruto.
Kakashi shrugged, unfolding his arms as he did to hold his hands palm up. "Why don't you begin with introductions?"
Sakura looked at him with wide eyes. "You want us to introduce ourselves? How do you mean?" She was taking it a bit too seriously.
"Oh, you know," Kakashi answered. "Things you like, don't like. Dreams for the future. Hobbies?" He cocked his head slightly for the briefest moment as though he was wondering if there was anything else to add. "That sort of thing."
"What? Hey! You should introduce yourself first! We don't even know who you are!" Naruto insisted. "I already asked!"
"Fine, then," Kakashi answered. "My name is Hatake Kakashi. And I don't feel like telling you what I like or dislike. I have hobbies."
"You skipped bringing up your future," I said, deadpan. I was pretty certain that he had at least brought up something about that in the show. "Or is that something you don't care about?"
"Hmm. You could say that." Well, damn. I wasn't expecting that sort of baldfaced admittance of nihilism. I was almost impressed. That practically made Kakashi an honorary millennial. Looking at the other two though, it seemed that Naruto and Sakura were more slightly horrified at the concept of not caring about having a future at this point in their young lives. "Why don't you go first, then."
"All you told us was your name!" Naruto interrupted.
"And mental state," Sakura muttered, under her breath. It was her turn to get stared at blankly. While I didn't disagree, Kakashi and Naruto apparently had no idea how to process that sort of commentary coming from the pink-haired girl.
The silence was starting to become awkward, and I felt obligated like I was increasingly obligated to say something. "You should already know my name, and if you don't have to say anything about yourself, I don't need to either." As I felt all the attention shift onto me, I realized that was probably pushing the bounds of what I should have said. It was too late to take back.
"...Right." I wondered how much this version of Kakashi regretted everything. "You then," he said, to Naruto, trying to regain control of the situation.
"I'm Uzuma—" Naruto cut himself off. "Wait. Is this some kind of trick? Is that why he didn't answer anything?" He looked at Kakashi suspiciously. "Are we being tested again!?"
Had I broken the introductions?
Kakashi laughed to himself for a moment. "Let's just… skip the introductions then," he said, straightening up. "You're right. There is another test."
"I knew it!"
I had broken the introductions.
"But this wasn't it." All the humor had dropped from his voice. "Of the twenty-seven graduates from your class, only nine will become genin. The other eighteen will be sent back to the academy. That means there's a sixty-six percent chance you'll fail."
Naruto's jaw dropped in shock. "Eh? But we worked hard to get here, didn't we!? What was the point of everything else if we have to do another test?!"
"Well, we needed genin candidates, didn't we?"
"What!?"
Kakashi shrugged aimlessly. "It's how it works. I decide if you pass or fail. Meet me at the designated training tomorrow morning at five AM with all of your ninja tools."
I started to hear ringing. Where was that coming from?
"Oh, and don't even think about eating breakfast in the morning. Unless you want to puke it all right back up." Kakashi pulled out a few sheafs of paper from his flak jacket as he walked towards us. "The details are all here. Don't be late tomorrow." I could barely hear what he was saying.
It was getting louder and louder.
"-that tough?!"
I couldn't hear anything else.
I woke up to the alarm on my phone beeping obnoxiously, which made me freeze for a moment as dread slowly filled me. That wasn't a good alarm. I slowly sat up, turned, and picked my phone up from the nightstand where it had been charging.
I had hit the point where my absolute last resort alarm was sounding off. If I didn't get moving now I wasn't just going to be late, I was going to be hideously late, on an exam day no less. I only had enough time to hurriedly get dressed, grab the papers I needed, my cane, and rush to my truck, shooting off a text to the professor I TA'd for to let them know I'd be late.
There wasn't enough time to eat breakfast, much less think of anything else.