Alternate Title: "Kakashi and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Mission".
Many thanks to the ever lovely Tavina and the well-argued PoorCynic for betaing.
I found myself very suddenly falling from a height, the wide trunk of a tree speeding upwards in front of me.
I landed with a heavy thump on the ground that knocked the breath out of me. What the fuck, that actually hurt.
"Sasuke! Are you alright?" Sakura's voice called out from somewhere above. She sounded concerned.
I was too stunned and out of breath to say anything. I half-lifted an arm weakly before I decided it was too much effort and let it fall back down.
Kakashi's face loomed into view, his mask obstructed by his book. He nudged me with the side of his foot, before apparently deciding everything was fine. "You know, it helps to break your fall if you're going to suddenly stop. Something to take into consideration for next time."
"Great advice," I managed to say.
"I'm glad you think so." There was a loud thump not too far away, and the sound of Naruto swearing. "Ah. I should make sure he hasn't broken anything…" Kakashi ambled off, slowly and apparently without much concern in his step.
Sakura walked into sight from the side, and kneeled, offering a hand up. I took it, ignoring the fact that she blushed when I did. Once I was sitting upright, I shook my head, and looked up at the tree I had fallen from. I was able to recognize the branches I had first seen. That was not a short distance. Over to the side, I could see Naruto glowering and clutching his head, in what looked like a one-sided argument with Kakashi.
"You almost had it that time," Sakura said, trying to be encouraging. The worst part was she wasn't actually wrong.
I stared up at the tree. Apparently tree climbing was still the plan regardless.
Naruto's shouting interrupted my thoughts, and Sakura and I ended up staring in his direction. "Yeah?! I might be dumb sometimes, but you're still stupid, too, ya know!" With that parting remark, he sulked over to where we were, still clutching the crown of his head with a grumpy expression.
Kakashi did not look chastened in the least as he wandered off.
Sakura made a face as he departed. "He's such a jerk."
"Right?" Naruto grumbled. "Sakura, we've been doing this for ages now. How did you figure it out so fast?"
She gave a light shrug at the question. "I'm not really sure," she admitted. "I was always good with the practice exercises we did in the Academy, but I still really had to work hard at practicing for the ones we needed to do to pass. I could perform them, but I couldn't make the clone or henge last at all and it took forever before I could even substitute anything that wasn't right next to me."
Naruto's eyebrows crinkled together. "Really? But you were a natural at them when Iruka-sensei made us do them in class!"
Sakura looked half-offended. "Yeah, because I practiced so much at home! What did you think, that I just knew how to do them!?"
Naruto laughed, nervously. "Uh…"
"You did, didn't you!" The near-offense turned to horror. "Is that why you were always so bad at everything? Didn't you study anything!?" Even as she was saying it I could tell she was refusing to believe it.
"Uh… Kinda? Near the end?" Naruto took a step backwards.
"How did you even pass in the first place? How did you make it through the whole Academy without bothering to learn?"
Naruto was looking increasingly concerned. "The old man said I couldn't become Hokage if I didn't pass, so... I had to? I tried to take the exam early to graduate twice because it wasn't like I was learning anything cool."
There went the rest of Sakura's faith in Konoha's education system. First Kakashi had ruined her faith that the system would always reward hard work with success, and now Naruto was proving you didn't even need hard work to pass at all. "That isn't how it works! We had classmates who dropped out of the academy because they didn't think their scores were high enough and you're just telling me you— you— Agh!" She gave up, sputtering.
I debated on whether to say anything or not, before giving in. "The fact that you had to practice so much probably helped."
"That would explain her refined chakra control," Kakashi mused, dropping down from the tree above us.
Naruto and Sakura yelled in surprise. "STOP DOING THAT, SENSEI!" Sakura's shouting was much more coherent, over Naruto's.
Kakashi waved it off. "The fact that she doesn't have the same reserves as either of you do is the factor here. Her chakra control is much better for it, but… compared to, say, Naruto… hm. She's like a puddle. Sakura-chan will need to work on expanding her reserves, if she wants to keep up. The two of you, on the other hand..." He eyed the progress marked on the trees. "Naruto, you need to send more chakra to your feet if you want to stick at all. Sasuke, you're doing better than you started, but you're still using too much for the trees to withstand. That's why the bark is breaking the way it is. You're so much to try and stick that it's pulling the bark off the wood."
All three of us stared at him.
"Uh… Did you actually try to teach us something useful for once?" Naruto asked.
Kakashi stared back. After a moment, he finally spoke. "Hm, so I did." He vanished in a cloud of smoke, leaving behind a log and the lingering suspicion on my part we had just experienced more of Kakashi as a person than he was comfortable with being aware had been experienced by others. I could relate.
"Why is he like this?" Sakura looked at the substituted log with exasperation.
"I don't know. Maybe he's a perfectionist with anxiety issues?" I speculated as I stood back up. If Kakashi was serving as a terrible reflection from my subconscious, that was the answer that went the farthest, if I was being honest with myself.
Sakura and Naruto eyed me, before looking at each other and apparently deciding to not say anything.
Sakura sighed. "He at least told you both what you're doing wrong, but how am I supposed to expand my reserves? I don't want to be a puddle!" She pouted, crossing her arms over her chest, looking at Naruto.
"If you don't mind, I could help you train," Haku's soft voice said. The teen stepped into view from the foliage beyond. He was dressed in his pink kimono, an empty basket hanging from his arm. Zabuza hadn't been injured this time, so I wondered what he was doing.
Naruto grinned widely, dropping his hands from his head. "Haku!"
"I thought you both were getting your things?" Sakura asked. "Isn't that what you said?" She wasn't quite looking at him.
Haku looked at us through his eyelashes. "Not yet. Zabuza-san is negotiating for new lodging first. The woods here in Wave have some useful plants. I'm planning on leaving Gato's men something to remember me by. But I can put that off for now." He smiled gently.
I firmly reminded myself that Haku had just told us he was probably going to poison multiple people, presumably for revenge that may or may not be rooted in pettiness. Appearances were deceptive. He was absolutely capable of being an asshole.
"That would be great!" Naruto answered. "Especially since Kakashi-sensei just took off like that."
"He's so useless at times," Sakura grumbled. She was still not looking directly at the older teen. "We'd really appreciate it." She blushed.
She was crushing on him. I had not seen that coming— and yet, it made so much sense. Fangirls loved Haku, and he was one of the series' very many, many dark haired serious youths. In that context, it made absolute sense that Sakura would find him attractive. She had a crush on me— no, Sasuke, I refused any acceptance on my part, that was just weird and awful— after all.
Haku's eyes widened for the briefest of moments, and he shifted his footing somewhat, his grip on the basket tightening just the slightest. He didn't seem to know how to react to that at all. I wondered if it would have been from him actually being a normal teen in that respect, or if his time with Zabuza meant he wasn't even exposed to that kind of thing usually. Considering in the show that he had basically seeked out the most friendly-seeming member of Team Seven as soon as he could, and then with this dream he had again gone out of his way to interact with us when he didn't have to, I suspected I was interpreting Haku as being lonely. He directed his attention towards me. "Sasuke-kun, why don't you try first?" he suggested, with a smile.
I hesitated for a moment before I nodded. It occured to me, belatedly, that I had no idea what to do. I didn't know how to use chakra. A part of me screamed that I did, in fact. Presumably it was the bit of my subconscious that was actually getting filled in on everything I would otherwise have no business knowing. Whether I did or didn't, I sure as hell wasn't going to admit to it. I picked up the kunai from the ground that, I could only assume, was the one Kakashi had handed off to Sasuke to score the tree with.
I looked up at the tree. While bullshitting was a skill I did have, I didn't think I could bullshit so well that I could fool my own subconscious. Regrettably, I decided to listen to the bit that was insisting that it did in fact claim it knew what to do.
It was complete bullshit. I dismissed it completely.
Gripping the kunai, I ran for the tree. One, twothreefour— I was already losing momentum and I wasn't even nearly close to the middle of the score marks on the tree. While a fall from this height wouldn't be as painful as the one I had started this dream with, it didn't mean I wanted a repeat at any height. I slashed out with the kunai in frustration and pushed off with the final step, landing several feet away from the tree on my feet. It wasn't nearly as impressive as the multiple flips that Sasuke could do in the show. Of course, said flips wouldn't even have been possible from that meager distance, so the point was irrelevant. I couldn't resist glowering at the tree.
"Wow, Sasuke, that really sucked!"
I huffed out a breath. I refused to fail against an imaginary tree. Or lose to a child, for that matter.
I reluctantly decided to give some credence to the dream logic that was telling me what to do. Not all of it, though; the part that was insisting on full press with everything for the most effect was stupid. Instead of pushing on the metaphorical gas pedal, I needed to just use it better. Like driving. Spinning your tires did nothing. It also unfortunately aligned with Kakashi's remarks before he realized he was being helpful.
I inhaled, and after stealing a glance at the other three— Sakura biting at her lip a bit, split between looking at me and frowning at Naruto, Naruto still looking way too amused at my abject failure, and Haku's impassive expression— I backed up until I had much more clearance.
If chakra could be used to attract, then it could be used to repel, too. I tested that with my first few steps back towards the tree, internally shoving that not-quite sensation I had been ignoring through the last several dreams through my legs and out of my feet. Push. Not pull. I rocketed. Any more and I would have tumbled ass over head. I pulled some of it back before I humiliated myself any further.
I barely had time to shift those concepts around in my head as the first foot hit the bark of the tree, and then the next. I could already tell there was a difference from before— which before?— only further aided by the burst of momentum that gave me the chance to make more changes before I ravaged the tree further.
I heaved myself into one of the upper branches.
This was some serious bullshit.
I looked down.
Sakura was clapping, and Haku was looking directly at me with what I could only cautiously peg as an intrigued expression on his face. Naruto's, though, made me snort, because it was quickly transitioning from open astonishment to being crowned with the realization that he was now the only one who hadn't succeeded at tree climbing with chakra yet.
Naruto started to wave his arms. "Hey! Hey! Sasuke! How'd you do that!?" he shouted up at me.
I had no damn idea. I shrugged.
"That was an impressive turn-around," Kakashi's voice said, from above and behind me. "Maybe I should try doing that more often."
I dropped from the tree in surprise. On the plus side, the drop was far enough that I was able to land with dignity, albeit with the use of further dream ninja bullshit. I scowled in the general direction I had heard him in.
"What happened?" Sakura asked.
"Kakashi's up there," I answered. There wasn't really any point in not answering.
Sakura squinted up at the trees. "Sensei! Stop being weird!"
We were probably making a terrible impression on Haku. Then again, he had voluntarily exposed himself to all of this. He had no obligation to stick around. Like that, what sympathy I had for him dropped slightly.
To my surprise, Haku's attention was focused on me. While Sakura busied herself shouting at the canopy of leaves, he spoke, so quietly I almost missed it. "You were running quite fast, before you reached the tree."
I had, hadn't I? Sasuke had done something similar in the series— but not until he had tried to fight Haku one on one. It was a surprise to Zabuza and Haku there, so it wasn't that shocking that that was something he would have focused his attention on, especially if he was used to being one of the fastest in a given fight.
"It came down to the same thing as the tree climbing," I said, ignoring the intensity of his gaze. His wasn't even close to some I had seen, so it wasn't even that bad. "I used what I gathered in my feet to push against the ground, instead."
Haku made a thoughtful sound. "Naruto-kun, could you try doing that? It might be easier to do it that way, first, if Sasuke-kun made such a vast improvement that way." With that, I had the new certainty that things were about to become interesting, if not on purpose. Haku, like Kakashi, was a prodigy. Haku, also like Kakashi, absolutely had no experience trying to teach. Unlike the jounin in question, however, Haku seemed intrigued by the idea of teaching others. All three of these things, combined with no real supervision from someone who knew what they were doing, meant I was going to be very disappointed if something hilariously unexpected or crushing didn't happen.
Naruto looked taken aback, but resolve soon set in on his face and straightened his back. "Yeah! I can do it!" He made a fist. "Believe it!" He gazed around the small clearing we were in, probably mapping it in his head, before taking off at a run. The first few seconds showed no real difference from how he normally ran, the only change being his face scrunching up with focus and frustration. Then, with no real warning, on his next step, his eyes widened when he bounced. He must have panicked, because the next time one of his feet touched the ground it rocketed him far into the air. The three of us watched as Naruto tumbled higher and higher.
There was no way to tell how far he would have actually gone, because Kakashi leapt out from the trees and caught Naruto midair before he had the chance to gain any more air. He broke his own momentum by landing against a large tree on the other side of the clearing before dropping down and gave Haku what was probably intended as a look of reproach. He let Naruto go, letting him fall to the ground. "Consider finding yourself some different children to experiment with instead?"
"My apologies," Haku said, actually sounding contrite. I imagined he probably actually was, considering there was no way for him to expect that would have been the result, and the fact that what might have been his first attempt at trying to help others train had ended up like this. "I'm sorry, Naruto, I should have tried this myself first." I really doubted that would have prepared him anyways, when it came to Naruto.
"Are you kidding?" Despite the ungracious release from Kakashi's grip, Naruto didn't seem to mind too much. He sat right back up, a look of wild glee on his face matching the extra unruliness of his hair. "Did you see how far up I went!? That was great!"
I wondered how many months or even days this would shave off of Kakashi's life expectancy. What was visible of his face looked even more long-suffering than usual. "Please don't try to do that on purpose. There's a reason we don't regularly launch ourselves into the air."
"Why's that?" Naruto asked, though I thought the answer was pretty obvious.
"People tend to die if they land wrong from a few hundred foot drop," Kakashi flatly answered.
"Oh."
Kakashi didn't seem particularly enthused by receiving that kind of flat-footed reaction, but it didn't stop him from looking like he was coming up with something anyways.
Sakura eyed him, and stepped over to stand next to me.
"You know… what I have noticed is that the obstacle training has done wonders for all of you," Kakashi casually said. I tried to ignore the confusing pit in my stomach that was developing as he spoke. "Maybe Naruto just needs some extra incentive to learn faster."
"Obstacle training?" Haku wondered out loud.
Naruto's eyes widened. "I thought we were going to take a break from all of that on this mission?"
"Since you've insisted so much… I've decided to change my mind. Don't worry, you won't have to set anything up." The smile that reached his visible eye didn't match his tone. "They came up with a very interesting and effective method of training their first day under me," he told Haku. "You'll be on their side. For today… hm. You're a valid target unless you're in the act of tree climbing using chakra." A valid target for what, he didn't say. "You have to the count of ten before I start. Oh, and no standing in place, that's just cheating. Now. One. Five."
Naruto yelped the second Kakashi skipped to five. "That's no fair!"
Sakura wasn't even trying to complain this time. "Less talking, more running!"
"Your sensei isn't very conventional, is he?"
I didn't bother to say anything. I was already running.
It turned out that Kakashi's vague threats— mixed with the nature of the 'training'— worked much better to get Naruto to learn than just setting him at the task. Or at least it did after the first several times he got ambushed after increasingly frantically trying to run up any given tree. It probably helped that Kakashi had no compunctions against picking off the harder targets when he got bored with attacking Naruto, either. Even Haku, who was fast enough that I rarely saw him not scaling one of the trees, ended up struck out of the sky at one point when he was trying to escape Kakashi's notice. Eventually it got to the point where Naruto was consistently managing to run up the trees with or without a running start.
It only stopped when Sakura went from running to the next tree to suddenly collapsing. Kakashi dropped down next to her, holding up a hand to motion for everyone else to stop as he checked on her.
Naruto, sufficiently distracted, fell from the tree he was scaling, only barely managing to use a kunai dragged against it to slow himself down before he was able to move into a controlled jump. "Hey! Is Sakura okay?"
"Why am I so tired? I can't move," Sakura half-wailed. Her voice sounded reedy from fatigue.
After a moment, Kakashi turned to look at everyone else, still crouched by Sakura's prone form. "Chakra exhaustion. Oops." He didn't sound apologetic or surprised in the least. "I think that's enough for today."
Haku landed neatly near me. In spite of however long it must have been— the shadows that earlier had only been the thinnest slivers against the noon sun were by now stretching in the late afternoon light— he still looked as put together as he had when he had shown up. The only difference was that the polite almost-smile from earlier had disappeared, replaced with a much fuller sincere one. "That was enjoyable. Thank you for allowing me to join in, Kakashi-san."
After all of that, I felt like I was going to wake up exhausted. The fact that Haku didn't seem remotely tired at all was unfair.
Kakashi flapped a hand in Haku's direction before he scooped one arm under Sakura's knees and the other under her back to carry her, before he stood up. "Maybe we should call you Sakura-hime, if this ends up happening more often," he joked.
Sakura looked up at his face, listless. "Sensei, I'll bite you."
"Ah, what a cute joke."
Naruto looked over at Haku, who had gone back to his earlier polite not-smile in the face of this. He sidled over to us. "She's not really joking," was his helpful input, in a half-whisper.
At least Haku was amused. He looked up at the sky for a moment. "I should go. I still have things to do before I meet up with Zabuza-san," he said, before giving another sincere-looking smile. He collected his basket— miraculously untouched— from where he had set it and began to walk away.
Naruto enthusiastically waved at the older teen's departing figure. "Bye, Haku!"
Kakashi led the way to Tazuna's house, Naruto and I trailing after him.
I still felt worn out from however long that training had taken, but Naruto was already looking chipper again, even under his now-dirty face. A couple twigs hadn't yet escaped from his messy hair, though he was cradling his head with his hands weaved together. "Hey, hey! Sasuke, wasn't that great?"
"Yeah, sure," I said. I didn't feel bothered enough to try and feign enthusiasm.
Sakura managed to peer at us from Kakashi's shoulder. "Why are they still fine?" Sakura had recovered enough to not sound as worn out. "This isn't fair."
"I did say your reserves were like a puddle compared to Naruto's," Kakashi answered mildly. "And puddles dry up much faster than the ocean. Besides, being a ninja isn't fair. If you plan to keep up with them, you're going to have to work on your reserves, just like they'll have to work on their ability to control it."
"Fine!" Sakura said hotly. She really wasn't taking being called a puddle well, especially like this. "Then I'm going to work hard and become the strongest kunoichi I can be!"
"Good luck there," I said. It wasn't like that was much of an impossible declaration, especially based off of the anime.
Sakura took it much more positively than I had actually intended. "See!? Sasuke thinks I can do it!"
"Try to not get too ahead of yourself," was Kakashi's response. Tazuna's house came into view. "Sasuke, you'll keep an eye on her while Naruto showers. Naruto, once you're done, switch off. I don't expect trouble just yet now that Gato no longer has ninja on retainer here, but I'm going to go into town to gather more information."
"If you don't think there's gonna be trouble, why are you having us guard Sakura?" Naruto squinted at the back of Kakashi's head in confusion. "Shouldn't we be keeping an eye on the old man and his family instead? Even the brat makes more sense, doesn't he?"
"None of them should be in danger yet. As for Sakura-chan here, I said 'keep an eye' on. Not guard. There's a difference. We keep an eye on injured comrades. Even something as simple as chakra exhaustion can end up being dangerous if the person suffering from it pushes themselves, and it's more likely to happen with first timers who don't know their limits. Since she's young and has small reserves, she should bounce back quickly." For all of his usual blasé attitude, he was taking this seriously.
"Wait, you mean Sakura could die from this!?"
"Yes," I said, at the same time that Kakashi went "No." He turned around to stare at me. Sakura was staring at me in horror as well.
"Sensei…." she began to wail.
Kakashi inhaled. "Yes, but barely anyone dies from chakra exhaustion," he said. "It takes talent and idiocy to achieve that. Just be a good little obedient genin, don't move until tomorrow morning at the earliest, and I won't have to explain to the Hokage how I managed to let a genin die of chakra exhaustion of all things."
That at least got Sakura to quiet down, if possibly because the potential of such an ignominious death wasn't one she wanted to contemplate.
We entered Tazuna's house, where his daughter politely asked after Sakura's well-being while Naruto and the kid glowered at each other, before we made our way up to the room we were staying in. Kakashi only stuck around long enough after setting Sakura down on a futon to make sure Naruto actually left to shower before he left.
I ended up sitting cross-legged on the tatami, staring at the wall. This dream already felt like it was much longer than all of the others so far, and yet it showed no sign of ending, no matter how much I willed it to do so. I eventually gave up, sighing heavily.
"I'm sorry I'm so boring," Sakura quietly said. She barely managed to turn her head to look at me.
"It's not because of you," I said, shrugging. "I'm just thinking about dreams."
"About dreams? What do you mean?"
I didn't have the chance to reply, because Naruto entered the room once more, freshly scrubbed and pink from the shower's heat. "Your turn, Sasuke!"
"Maybe I'll tell you later." I stood up, and soon found myself annoyed at everything again when I realized I had drifted automatically through the process of grabbing everything I would need and even finding the bathroom, when I ended up staring at the shower tap in the tiny wet room.
I tried to not think too hard as I washed myself down, using the coldest water I could. Even the sharp chill didn't do anything to shock me out of dreaming, and only left me in a fouler mood.
I returned fully irritated and chilled to the bone. By then, the sun had fully set. Naruto only took one look at me before making the active decision to not engage, continuing instead to chatter at Sakura about something or other. I didn't care enough to pay attention beyond to notice that the subject kept changing.
By the time Kakashi finally returned, it was late. I ended up falling asleep inside of my own dream.
I woke up to Naruto snoring in my ear.
The dream hadn't ended.
Kakashi was already awake, sitting against the wall by the door, partially out of his uniform. His flak jacket and hitai-ate were off, but the scarred eyelid was shut closed on the Sharingan, leaving his original eye focused on Sakura. "Ah, you're awake," he said, quietly.
I clamped down the urge to scream, yell. Something. Instead, I clenched my hands into fists tightly, until I felt the nails bite into the skin.
He raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't say anything as he stood up, lazily stretching, getting whatever kinks out of his muscles and joints that he could in the process before he picked up both hitai-ate and flak jacket. He shrugged the flak jacket on, and then started speaking. "You're on Sakura-duty, today," he said, matter-of-fact, as he zipped it up. "If she feels up to it when she wakes up, help her over to the shower. The hot water will help, but it isn't necessary. She should be back to normal by the end of the day. When Naruto wakes up, send him downstairs to escort Tazuna to the bridge."
"What are you doing, then?"
"I need to send a message to Konoha to let them know the mission parameters have changed. The closest messenger relay station is back in Fire. I'll be gone until after nightfall." Outside, it was just barely beginning to be light out. I wondered how serious he thought this mission had become, if he was willing to leave his genin basically to their own devices even for a day during an expected lull.
"And if something happens while you're gone?"
"Zabuza's apprentice will be on the bridge as well. If anything happens while I'm gone, listen to the missing-nin." He sounded like he suffered just by saying that. Considering how different this was ending up in comparison to the original story, I had no idea whether or not that was as awful as it actually sounded to me.
"I'll let Naruto know," I said.
For how still he went in response to that, I could only imagine it was trying to repress a shudder at the idea of telling Naruto— who even with a slightly improved impulse control in this dream was still Naruto— to listen to someone who wasn't considered just a threat to his original village, but to the others, too. Another nugget of information I didn't really want, even though it was at least also implied from recently watching the show. Not for the first time in the last couple of weeks, I regretted that shitty bottle of cheap wine.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," was what Kakashi finally came up with in response. He pulled on his sandals and left through the window.
I reluctantly put away the futon and bedding— knowing how to fold them without thinking about it— and geared up. The fact it was all muscle memory meant that by the time I was done and sitting in a spot where I could watch the window my— Sasuke's— palms were covered in half-moon indents, some of them still fleshy red and deep. Not quite cuts, but still damage.
It was fully mid-morning by the time Naruto woke up. "Wow, Sasuke, you're already up? Where'd Sensei go?" he asked, as he stretched his arms up.
"He's sending a message back to Konoha," I said. "He's going to be gone all day. You're escorting Tazuna to the bridge." Before Naruto could ask, I added, "I'm supposed to stay here with Sakura."
He squinted at Sakura, who was still soundly asleep, even with how loud he was being. "Sure we can't switch?" he asked, at half of his usual volume.
"Kakashi said Haku will be at the bridge, too."
It was ridiculous how fast he changed his mind at being told that. "Really? Cool. I wonder if he can show me anything really neat..." While still musing on it, Naruto started getting ready to head out.
I shrugged half-heartedly.
It wasn't long until he left, heading downstairs. I could pinpoint when he encountered Inari based on the short burst of unintelligible shouting.
It ended up waking Sakura up, who groaned and shifted to one side, ending up facing me. Her eyes opened. "Oh... Sasuke." Her eyes fluttered for a moment, before she slowly struggled into sitting. "Where's everyone else?"
"Kakashi's running errands," I said, flatly. "Naruto's just left to escort Tazuna. We're on our own until he comes back." I didn't feel like specifying which one.
She listened to that, blushed, and then carefully lowered herself back down with what could only be called a whining sound. "I'm never pushing my limits like that again... I can't even enjoy this."
The rest of the day passed without anything interesting happening.
I slept again as Sasuke.
And again the next day.
And again.
Ad nauseum.
Nothing I could think of worked to wake myself up.
After the first few days, I began to notice that Kakashi started to keep me paired up with at least one member of Team Seven— usually him, if whatever separate schedule he was keeping himself on allowed for it. It was never alone with Haku, much less Zabuza. In comparison, Kakashi was actually encouraging, however reluctantly, Naruto's friendship with Haku to the point of sometimes changing whatever meagre pattern there was to the rotation he had figured out with the missing-nin.
I had no idea what the hell that could possibly be about.
After over two weeks of this— sixteen days, fifteen nights of false and dreamless sleep— I felt impossibly trapped. This wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. The longer I was stuck, the more I found myself mulling more and more over what I remembered of this arc from watching it, and only found myself at a loss.
Kakashi had Sakura and I in position in the village on that sixeenth day.
However much of a bad mood I was in from the fact that I couldn't wake up— I knew my brain was rattled, but was it rattled enough for this?— I could still tell there was something different about the general atmosphere in town. It wasn't just me. Sakura looked alert and on edge whenever I looked in her direction.
It was too quiet for this time of day, with barely any people out in the open. Those who were looked more withdrawn than they usually did, hurrying to whatever their next destination was. Even the remaining shops that hadn't yet been pushed out of business were still closed, and any windows with shutters had them had them closed. It was more unsettling than the sullenness and desperation from before.
The most concerning part was that it said they knew something we didn't. It dragged out an old memory from when I was much younger, when we were with a tío, coming back from a visit to extended family. Even though we needed it, he refused to stop at the gas station in one of the last small towns for miles, instead buying some off a farmer with an ancient truck nearly an hour away. It wasn't until after he pointed it out that I realized that it was because the area was all but dead, even the gas station.
This was the same kind of scenario, I realized. While violence could happen any time and anywhere, with or without warning, these were the actions of people expecting it to happen soon and were trying to limit how much direct harm they would experience. You didn't go about your day pretending things were normal when there was trouble waiting to happen.
Naruto was guarding Tazuna's family. In the original story, Gato's swordsmen had shown up to take a hostage. While they weren't up to fighting Haku, I wasn't sure how it would work out for Naruto alone if they got to either civilian first. I couldn't see that part of the story changing. He would need help, just in case. I would feel too guilty, even with this being all in my head.
I turned towards Sakura, who looked surprised, since I had barely made the effort to respond to any of them, much less start talking, in the last week. "Sakura. Run to Tazuna's. There's going to be trouble."
Her eyes widened in realization. "Tsunami-san and her son. Even with Naruto there, he might not be enough." She ran, much faster than she had been at the beginning of this dream.
Soon enough, she was out of sight and it was just me, left to belatedly realize that outside of a dream, this would have been a very stupid thing to do. Even with it being a dream— or coma— it was still really dumb of me.
I heard footsteps come too close from behind, and the delay right before something swung through the air was just enough for me to react. Not fast enough to completely dodge— I had waited too long— but enough to completely regret not moving earlier. I jumped backwards, hissing in pain as I gripped my left shoulder. Again, like everything else, that had hurt. It was also far more painful than anything else I had tried or allowed to happen before this to try and wake up.
I was not nearly masochistic enough for seeing how many dream injuries it would take to wake up.
I looked up at the hulking figure that had clubbed my side. Nothing about him, from the way he was standing to the way he was dressed suggested he was a ninja, or even somebody used to actually fighting, since he had to stop moving before he even took a swing at me. He didn't even have a real weapon, it was a two-foot piece of iron rebar. He was just bulky— not actually hulking, it was that I was small— and cruel looking. The sort of person who was used to beating the shit out of someone in unfair fights.
But he's not a person, is he?
I dropped my hand from my aching shoulder, and in one smooth gesture went from pulling a kunai from the holster to launching it in the air. He didn't even move. The kunai flew true, driving deep into his left eye, until only the ring on the handle was left exposed.
There was a not quite final breath out, the iron rebar dropping to the wooden walkway as the muscles in his hands relaxed, and he collapsed.
I yanked the kunai out, foot on his head as leverage, just as the next thugs came out, shouting in protest and anger at what I had just done.
It went like a blur.
None of them were actually good at fighting— even by real standards, it was the sort of thuggery that relied on numbers and mobbing, if they decided to get into a fight, and it was still the kind of shit most bouncers could clear out. And all they had were disadvantages, trying to attack me in this part of the village, where most of the buildings were on stilts with wooden walkways bridging them above the water. There wasn't enough room on the wooden walkways here for them to use sheer numbers.
I was small enough that I could maneuver where they couldn't.
I was fast, much faster.
And I was armed with a bunch of long range weapons, with very, very good aim.
I only vaguely heard the shouts to head to the bridge from one of Gato's men as the remaining ones retreated.
The only tells I had that time had passed was how hard I was breathing— along with how tired I felt, and the fact that the top of my arm where the first thug had got a hit in felt stiff from bruising setting in— and the fact that there were well over a dozen dropped bodies nearby.
It looked too real. My stomach churned in protest. I ignored it.
I collected the various kunai and shuriken I had used from still bodies. One was still desperately trying to breathe, hands clamped on his neck, when I pulled the shuriken out from his throat. I tried to not think about it, cleaning the blood on the shuriken and my hands off on his shirt before I stood back up.
If this was how many people Gato had sent to the village, which would have no real value to him as an actual threat— he couldn't actually operate here if he got rid of everyone— just how many would he have sent to Tazuna's house, or to the bridge?
I wondered if Kakashi had been expecting something like this. He was at the bridge with Zabuza and Haku today, and the village was something of a middle point between Tazuna's home and it. With Sakura and I here, it would have made it harder for more of his men to make it to Tazuna's without being noticed. The men he had left here hadn't been that hard to deal with, probably intended to frighten the villagers instead of anything more. I figured Sakura and Naruto would be able to deal with however many had gone after Tsunami and Inari, if it was just more than the original two. In the story, though… there had been a full mob of thugs on the bridge, and much better armed.
I pushed chakra into my legs— by now it was practically second-nature from evenings of practice— and ran for the bridge, still ignoring the roiling of my stomach.
By this time of day, the fog was low, and I didn't have to worry about visibility being reduced naturally. If Zabuza used that jutsu of his, I wasn't sure if I would see what I would come across in time. Thankfully— or not?— there was no sign of it as I got close to the current end of the bridge. In the distance, I could see a bulky looking ship was connected to the end of the bridge by a metal wired gangway that was hooked up to the railing.
It was already a battlefield by the time I reached them, and not a promising one. Zabuza's sword was visible from the middle of an immense crowd of armed men, it only occasionally dipping out of sight. Once in a while there was a streak of bright red— visible even from here— would splash in the air, from an upwards slice of his massive sword.
Further ahead, Tazuna and two of his workers were against the rails of one side, Haku standing in front of him in a defensive stance, dealing with another group. There was a semi-circle of prone bodies a dozen feet away from him. The rest were just outside of that distance. Most of Gato's men seemed to be short-range fighters, if they were unable to engage Haku at all, without hoping he didn't catch them in time.
I couldn't see Kakashi.
If he was dead, I had no idea how the rest of these dreams would end up going. Would it end up being Yamato, this early, or someone else?
"SASUKE!" Oh, that's where he was. Kakashi's voice had come from where I had pegged Zabuza as being. They were working together, then. I wondered how he had managed to see me, before I remembered that not only was he much taller and had a better vantage point by default, he was also probably using the Sharingan. "Where's Sakura!?"
"I sent her to help Naruto!"
"I'm happy you decided to care about your comrades, but you should have gone with her!" That did not sound particularly hopeful.
My opportunity to reply was cut off; several of the mercenaries had peeled off and were coming my way, now. They were not only better armed compared to the thugs in town, but covered up, as well. Their faces were still visible, though, and from how they were holding their weapons, they weren't expecting me to do anything. They looked like full grown men, after all, and I looked like a small child in comparison.
I didn't move, whether to back away or go head on.
I waited until they were closer.
The first several kunai flew true.
As the initial bodies dropped, kunai visibly lodged through their eye sockets or exposed throats, the ones that were behind them stalled.
Still targets were much easier.
My accuracy dropped when they began to defend themselves, trying to swat kunai and shuriken away with their weapons away or trying to move; the kunai and shuriken usually ended up lodging into the skull when the mercenaries tried that, sending streams of blood down their faces. Most of their reaction times weren't actually fast enough to actually knock either off course or move out of the way in time, when they were blocked in on either side. The only ones that saw real success were the ones that broke off, preferring to take their chances with the two jounin instead.
I was too far away from them.
I didn't have that many kunai left. If I kept this up, I was going to end up running low on shuriken as well.
I decided it would be an acceptable risk.
I walked to the closest body and using my foot as leverage, yanked the kunai out, doing my best to keep an eye on the edge of the battle ahead. The ones that went through bone were too hard to dislodge without making myself a target. By this point I was doing a pretty good job of ignoring the strong and still growing nausea.
I had collected about half when a hand gripped tightly around my wrist, stopping me from pulling a kunai out from the throat of a gurgling, shallowly breathing figure. I looked up.
"What. Are. You. Doing?" Kakashi was breathing hard, staring at me with both eyes. His mask was torn on the right side, revealing a pale cheek. Splattered blood— both fresh and dried— dotted his face, mask, and was matting strands of his hair together.
"I'm keeping myself armed."
He stared at me for a moment, the hard breathing gradually slowing. He swallowed before he finally spoke again.
"Go relieve Haku."
He didn't give me the chance to respond, only letting go of my wrist right before he shot back into the reduced fray, letting loose a spray of kunai and shuriken while he did. They all hit their targets.
I managed to run past the throng without issue by sticking close to the rail, though I couldn't resist throwing shuriken into the midst, where they were the densest packed. In the last few minutes, despite their mob tactics, they had been thinned down considerably, and I could see Zabuza and Kakashi near the center, their backs to each other.
Again, I was struck by how well they were working together. A good deal of it was probably because of Kakashi's Sharingan, but still. He couldn't see through the back of his head with it. With the number of enemies, the relative density, and location, both of them were seriously hindered. I could only assume the lack of visible jutsu was because it.
I was met with a dilemma that I realized once I was on the other side. How the hell was I supposed to 'relieve' Haku when he was surrounded?
"Sasuke-kun," Haku serenely acknowledged me with a nod of his head. He was standing on the railing now, which gave him more of a height advantage than he would have had otherwise. He looked unruffled, but the closest any of Gato's men had gotten to him wasn't nearly near enough for it to be an actual problem. Below him, Tazuna and the two workers that had been caught up in this mess didn't look like they were having as easy a time.
"Kakashi wants me to relieve you," I called to him, once I was on the farthest side, with the mercenaries positioned by Haku between me and the main fight. I didn't want to risk being snuck up on again. I didn't want to find out how a sword to the side or through the back would feel in this dream, after the shoulder blow. "How should I do this?"
"Hmm..."
There was a sudden glint in the air of metal reflecting sunlight, and the remaining men around him went down.
I uneasily stepped past the newly downed mercenaries, until I was in front of Haku. "...If you were able to do that, why did you wait until now?"
"Sometimes the best decision to make is to stand your ground," Haku answered, seriously. "I could keep them at a distance, but only in certain numbers."
"You didn't want to risk getting overrun," I realized.
He nodded. "I was told to guard Tazuna-san with my life. Attracting more attention would only make it more likely that I would fail." Haku turned his gaze towards where Zabuza and Kakashi were still fighting. They were beginning to show signs of flagging, and even from here I could see that one of Kakashi's sleeves had been torn loose. It swung in ribbons from his wrist as he moved. He gave me a small smile. "Your showing up was lucky. I'll actually be able to help, now." Still balanced on the rail, Haku started running in the direction of the fight. Zabuza's laugh ripped through the air when Haku jumped off of it, landing on a man's shoulders.
I guess this was my position, now.
Tazuna looked at me with a worried, tired expression. "Tell me, kid, do you know if my family's alright?"
"Sakura went to help Naruto before I ran over here," I said, feeling strangely guilty. It was just another thing to disturb the tempest that was my stomach right now.
His shoulders loosened, some of the worry leaving him.
I wasn't going to try to play cool by standing on top of the railing— that seemed like just a bad idea— so I stood in front of them, watching as the fight continued playing out.
Even with Haku's aid, the two jounin were showing signs of struggling more and more, even though by now there were probably more bodies on the concrete than there were still alive. Or at least uninjured enough to keep fighting. A short glimpse of Kakashi facing this direction showed he had pulled his hitai-ate back down over the Sharingan. I wondered how bad a sign that was; I couldn't remember any point in the series where he had stopped using it in the middle of the fight.
Everything came crashing to a sudden halt with a shout. "HEY! HEY! SENSEI!" Naruto's loud, obnoxious voice heralding his presence couldn't have come at a better time. "LOOK! I BROUGHT HELP!"
Naruto, Sakura, and Inari were standing in front of men gathered from the village. The two genin looked significantly more beat up than they had when I had last seen them— even from here, I could tell that one sleeve of Naruto's jacket had a huge tear at the shoulder hem, and Sakura seemed to be sporting a large bandage around one arm— but they had shown up. All armed.
"IF YOU TRY ANYTHING ELSE, WE'LL STOP YOU OURSELVES!" Inari shouted. A roar rose up from the men behind him, shouting similar things.
It seemed to give the mercenaries pause for thought, enough for them to step backwards, dropping their weapons.
The screech of straining metal on metal filled the air from behind me, and I turned around just in time to see metal gangway snap in half as the ship began to shear its side against the side of the bridge. The concrete crumpled where the very top of the hull bashed against it, steam angrily pushing from its sides and its smokestacks. There was a splash of water as one of the recently set piles fell into the ocean, parts of its concrete falling across the ship.
It belatedly occurred to me I hadn't noticed if Gato— living or dead— was on the bridge earlier.
I sure as hell knew where he probably was now. A bridge; just not this one. The kind that was found on ships.
"No!"
Tazuna was the first to react, actually stepping in the direction of the damage; I was still too busy staring and trying to process the fact that the main bad guy from this arc was trying to personally kill us all with a ship. It had to be. This was too stupid to be anything else.
I tried to shake myself back into concentrating.
We were on the opposite side from the ship, thankfully, though even from here we could feel the bridge shake and shudder from the stress and damage it was sustaining. Cracks were already running through the concrete to where we were standing.
At least one of the workers had more sense than I did. He gripped Tazuna's arm, trying to pull him back. "Tazuna, we need to get going!"
"No! He needs to be stopped! He can't do this!"
The other worker grasped his other arm. "He is, and we need to move! You said yourself earlier, the concrete over here still needs time to finish setting! We can't repair the bridge if we're dead! Let the ninja handle this!"
"How are the ninja supposed to stop a ship!?" Tazuna shouted, as they started to pull him to safety.
I had no idea how the ninja were supposed to stop a ship. Even something like this was still a few hundred feet long. That, along with how wide it was across meant it was probably rocking some serious power, which was why it was able to bash against the concrete pillars like it was nothing.
There was another large splash as the ship smashed yet another pillar into the sea.
I was forced to focus a bit more closely when I felt my bruised shoulder get shaken. "Sasuke, we need to move." I looked up at Kakashi's face. "We can't fight a ship."
No, ninja couldn't stop a ship. Sailors could stop a ship. We just had to stop Gato.
"We have to get on the ship," I said, still staring at it, as it struggled to turn to take out the next concrete pile. Some of the mercenaries, backing too close to the rails on the opposite edge, fell backwards and into the water as another massive shudder ran through it.
"What. I might have given you the wrong impression from the trip over here, but I'm only well-read and definitely not on anything that mechanical. I don't actually know everything. I don't know anything about ships or how to operate them."
Unfortunately for Kakashi, his goal of trying to get me to move was made more difficult by us being joined by the rest of the ninja.
Despite everything going on, Naruto had a wide, almost manic grin on his face, probably powered by adrenaline. Thin rope crossed over from one shoulder to past his hip, and the large blades of a Fuma shuriken poked just into sight from his back.
"Sasuke-kun! You're okay!" Sakura didn't just have a bandage around her left arm, but one applied to her right cheek. "I was so worried, when we went to the village to get help we heard there were a bunch of dead bodies in the area by the river, but we didn't have enough time to look…"
"We need to get on the ship," I repeated, to Kakashi's now much obvious exasperation. It was amazing how much easier it was to read him with a large chunk of his mask missing from one side, the torn portion folding down against the side of his jaw. "We don't need to stop the ship ourselves. We just need to stop Gato."
"How do you even know he's the one we need to stop?" Kakashi asked, staring at me intently.
"Who else is going to try to destroy the bridge by ramming a ship that expensive into it repeatedly?" I pointed out.
"Zabuza?" Naruto guessed.
Zabuza laughed, though it was haggard sounding even compared to before. This close up, it was noticeable how many small cuts and slices were running down his exposed arms, and there was a slow-oozing gash in his right arm, where something hadn't quite succeeded in taking a chunk of him with it. "I wish."
"Something that big isn't able to be run by just one person. There's got to be a crew." There was another ominous shake, as the ship finally took out a third pile. "Ships have bridges, places to control them from, so Gato's probably there. It should be near the front," I tried to insist.
Kakashi gave me a tired look. "I'm running on empty," he said, frankly, before looking over at Zabuza, who shook his head.
"This shit isn't worth a suicide run, which is what it would be if I tried right now."
"I'll go," Haku spoke up.
A tense moment hung in the air, beyond what it already was from the destruction happening near us.
"You better fucking come back," was all Zabuza said.
"Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura. You three will join him," Kakashi said, half reluctantly. "This might be your idea, Sasuke, but he's in charge."
Haku nodded, and began to head for the other side of the bridge. Sakura looked between me and Naruto, as though for confirmation, and then started to follow him, the two of us trailing after her.
While it hung precariously without the concrete supports beneath on this side, creaking and groaning, this section showed no sign that it was going to collapse just yet. We weren't that far off from the next remaining pile, which was probably helping. At least as far as I could tell it wasn't going to collapse. It'd be a hell of an end for the dream, though.
Naruto gulped as he looked over the edge at the churning waters below. The ship's propellers were violently disturbing the water and the resultant wake of white water— choppy and uneven— was smashing against itself and the piles. "Uh, how are we planning on getting onto that ship? That's kind of a long way down, and if we miss..." He laughed, nervously.
"Don't worry, Naruto-kun," Haku said, kindly. "We're not jumping."
Sakura looked down at the ship as it tried to maneuver for its next target. "What are we doing, then?" The doubt was clear in her voice.
Haku gave her a reassuring smile. "We're going to wall-walk down the side of the bridge. Since you've all already managed tree climbing, this will be easy. We'll walk over and down the next pillar, and jump when the ship approaches." Haku set jumped over the railing, before he put one foot and then the other against the side, and was standing straight horizontally on the side of the bridge.
Naruto gulped. "Easy, right." He set his jaw, and hopped over the side as well, though he gripped one of the poles as he set his feet against the side. It was only after he was convinced he wasn't going to suddenly unstick and fall to his death that he let go of it.
Sakura and I went over the edge at the same time, but she looked more confident about it than I did.
It was only after that that Haku began to run, and so Team Seven followed.
Haku had lied. Running against the side of a bridge was a hell of a lot different from the tree climbing from before. Up and down were simple enough to handle, and even when gravity managed to exert control from a mistimed step or the incorrect amount of chakra, there was some time to fix it.
This time, there was only a few feet of concrete between us and empty air above the water. This was a serious disparity where the consequences of failure were concerned.
The first trouble came when the ship finally smashed against its next target just as we reached the pile in question. Naruto, caught mid-stride, wasn't anchored enough by chakra to not be dislodged by the resulting shockwave. He dropped with a shout of surprise, just barely managing to grab onto the closest thing, which happened to be one of my ankles around the upper end of the sandal.
I found myself slowly skidding down from his added weight until I pushed enough chakra to my feet to stop and the concrete cracked under them. I felt his nails dig into the skin as he gripped tighter. I gritted my teeth.
Sakura skidded to a stop, Haku a few paces ahead. "Naruto!" She turned back, and helped me haul Naruto back up and get his feet back under him. I felt a seeping sensation, and when I looked, I could see blood welling.
"Are you alright?" Sakura asked Naruto.
He nodded shakily, looking almost ashen under his tanned skin.
This appeared to satisfy Haku enough to push on. "Follow me."
He gracefully made the jump down to the side of the cracking pillar, and began to run down, giving us no choice but to run after him while it was in the middle of collapsing under our feet, the concrete cracking apart, falling into the sea and onto the ship. Halfway down, he made the jump to the top of the ship, with a much smoother landing than we did. Naruto landed unevenly on a jagged block of concrete, barely missing the iron rebar that had once reinforced it. Mine was shaky, threatened by my now injured ankle. Sakura, who had taken up the rear on the final stretch, dealing with a barely controlled descent the whole way down, ended up rolling, stopping herself with barely enough time to not fall off.
My head tried to insist that evading the giant chunks of falling concrete that occasionally dropped alarmingly close to us was simple, after Kakashi's training. Like my still-nauseated stomach, I ignored it.
Haku quickly figured out where the ship's bridge was. He turned back towards us, standing at the very edge, seemingly ignorant of the danger. "Sasuke-kun, you know fire jutsu, don't you?" Zabuza had definitely figured it out, then, though it was a bit of a leap in assumptions. "I'd like your help after I'm done."
None of us had the chance to ask what he was doing before it was made clear; a thick sheet of ice spread across the top of the ship, and flowed down the front windows, to the next deck and down the hull until it reached the water, where the ice immediately broke apart from the churn.
I had a sudden suspicion that Haku was expecting us to use science. I suddenly felt very betrayed by myself. I had no idea what to expect from adding a fireball to frozen glass and metal, and had a suspicion I was about to remember something from high school.
Haku moved back.
As I stepped forward, even though it wasn't quite wanted, the hand seals floated to the top of my mind, fingers following along. Horse. Tiger.
"Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!"
I blew out an immense fireball that engulfed my vision entirely. Mixed with the sound of its blaze, I could hear the cracking of once frozen metal becoming superheated from direct contact with the blaze along with the bursting of exploding glass just out of view.
Oh.
When the fireball finally diffused, down to a wispy fire that was uncomfortably heating my forearms with its proximity, even through the arm warmers— which I now suspected were actually to help protect against that kind of heat, instead of being to keep me warm— Haku didn't waste any time, dashing forward, leaping down, and then out of sight as he presumably went through one of the now-blasted windows.
Naruto and Sakura ran after him, Sakura sparing a quick glance behind her to make sure I was still coming along.
I started to move.
I dropped in through a window that didn't even have any shards of glass clinging to its frame, and ended up sliding down some kind of front console that had navigational charts on top of it, that I ended up stepping on when I was on the floor.
The inside of the bridge was a utilitarian thing, light gray paint and modest flooring, with large metal boxy consoles for controlling the whole thing. The only sign of pride was a tall chair mounted on one side, its leather upholstery now shredded by glass. Cowering before us were three cut up men in partially shredded white uniforms— crew members— who looked like they had taken the vast majority of the blow from the glass shards. They weren't who were here for.
Gato stepped out from behind the station that took up the middle, striking at the closest sailor with his cane. "I don't pay you to cower! Stop them!" The ship heaved a moment later, at a sharp angle that made everything tilt.
Naruto yanked the Fuma shuriken from his back, one in each hand, and grinned as he began to make a declaration. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! We're here to stop you from terrorizing the people of Wave and making sure Tazuna's bridge can be built!"
Gato sneered. "You're just a bunch of brats."
"No, we're shinobi," Haku said, quietly. He looked at Naruto. "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, but I can't let you do this just yet."
Naruto looked at Haku with wide-eyed confusion. "Do what?"
Haku moved, so fast there was barely any continuity between where he had been and where he now was, standing in front of Gato.
There was a gurgle, and before any of us could react, Gato's head fell to the floor, where it rolled until it hit the outer wall of the room, the rest of the body collapsing at the same moment backwards, out of our sight.
My alarm jarred me awake, the time and date staring at me in the face. It was Tuesday. All of that had been in a single night. All of the days, and the deaths. A long-lasted dream, a bad nightmare, uniquely awful and violent.
Reminded of it, my stomach finally began its rebellion, and I rolled out of bed, my knee giving out on me momentarily before I shoved myself back into standing, and ran for the toilet without even bothering to stop the alarm.
As I heaved the remnants of last night's dinner out into the bowl, my phone's alarm still blaring for attention, I couldn't get the images out of my mind, no matter how much I told myself it wasn't real. There was no blood actually on my hands.
It wasn't real. It wasn't real. Maybe if I kept telling myself, it'd sink in for long enough for the images to get out of my head.
I skipped breakfast before I headed to campus after that, and I was queasy the whole day, unable to keep the images of dead men with ruined eyes or shredded throats out of my head.