The insane tales of mlp
chapter 9
WARNING: this chapter is a parody of the aqua teen hunger force, Handbanana, so please don't take anything in this chapter serious. This is not mean to be offensive to anybody, in anyway. So if you've seen that episode, and you were offended by it, then DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER! So don't go flaming me after you read it, especially when I am telling you now to not read it, if that episode offended you in any possible.
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Spike sighed as he felt lonely. After he and Twilight visited the human world, he had been feeling down 'cause he didn't have a pet. He missed Peewee, but knew he was better off with his parents. But ever since he had become a dog, he had wanted to know what having a dog as a pet truly was.
Little did he know, that a certain spirit of chaos happened to be walking by.
"What's wrong there, little Spike?" Asked Discord as he appeared behind the young dragon, startling him before he looked at the chaos deity.
"Discord...I want a dog..." Spike said simply.
"Then let's make you one." Said the chaos deity simply before he summoned a weird pool with a computer, and he put some of his hairs followed by one of Spike's scales, earning an "ow!" from the drake.
"What's going on here?" Asked Twilight as she, the mane 6, the princesses and even Blueblood came in after meeting a emissary from the griffin country.
All of them were confused by the computer and weird pool, but were stunned to see a claw pop out before another one and then a strange creature emerged. (Think of Naruto in his four tailed state, except being purple instead).
"What is that monster?!" screamed Blueblood hiding behind Twilight
"HE'S NOT A MONSTER!" Spike snapped! "HE'S MY DOG!" Everypony was surprised before the "dog" went to Spike and barked like a little puppy!
"AWW, HOW CUTE!" Fluttershy boldly said as she and Spike began to pet it, making everypony go "aww" except Blueblood, who scoffed. "So what's his name?"
"Oh, oh! What about hand banana? Or Mr. Rogers? Or Doomsday? Or-" Pinkie trailed off names and memes before Discord zipped her mouth (literally!)
"Now now Pinkie, let the boy choose." The chaos god said.
"Well, his name is..." Spike began, "Bujin McWikey..."
"HA HA HA HA!" Rainbow laughed, "What a lame nam-OW!" She moaned as Bujin smashed his tails at her in offense. "S-sorry..."
"Discord, where did you get that?" asked Celestia pointing at the computer.
"Oh, a flying french potato gave it to me, right after his last dog sexually abused his neighbor." replied Discord with a straight face.
Celestia was stunned while the others, minus Blueblood, began to pet and play with the new dog.
"Hmph, why you would want to play with that mongrel is beyond me." replied Blueblood looking at the dog.
Bujin seemed to stare at him before whispering "Tonight...You..."
Blueblood felt nervous, but brushed it off as his imagination.
"Ha ha, good one, no people?" Blueblood chuckled while hiding his nerves. "Tonight, you? Ha! How funny, no?"
But the others just looked at him confused.
"What ya' mean?" Applejack asked. "Ah didn't hear a damn thing..."
"Same here." Rainbow said as everypony nodded, making the arrogant prince get panicked.
"I mean that mongrel's dog!" Now everypony glared at the idiotic prince.
"Are you an idiot or what?" Mock asked Rarity, "Spikey Wikey's dog was RECENTLY BORN, so how in Celestia's name would it even talk!"
"Um...Rarity, Bujin is a boy...not an it..." Spike said as Rarity blushed in embarrassment before apologizing, yet Blueblood looked confused.
"Tonight...you..." Muttered Bujin as he pointed at Blueblood, making the latter panicked enough to leave.
"What was that?" Twilight asked as Pinkie said, "Maybe he's going to panic like a little girl?"
"No surprise there." muttered Discord before everyone burst in fits of laughter. All while Bujin gave a low chuckle of his own.
Later Spike was resting before Twilight, Luna and Celestia called him in. "SPIKE!"
"What is it?" He asked tiredly as Twilight pointed to her bed.
"It seems that your dog left some presents in my bed..." Spike was panicked before she took out...PIES! "Some very well made pies!" Celestia said in joy.
"H-how? Is Bujin a expert baker?" Spike asked in surprise as he eated one of the pies, loving the taste.
"H-he actually IS a expert baker!" Twilight screamed surprised as she saw several side effects that the dog could have from the machine that Discord used, and there was expert baker alongside CPR expert and going for a potential "stress relief"?
"We don't care what he does, as long as he keeps making these up!" Luna said as she eat some more pies and hugging her beloved sister, her student AND son! "Discord and Bujin have brought us closer!"
Yet they never noticed Bujin taking a train towards canterlot, and soon the dog arrived at Blueblood's room!
Bujin smiled as he snuck past the guards and opened Blueblood's room.
"What the-oh, it's just you. What are you doing here, mongrel?" asked Blueblood who had a sleep mask on his head.
"Who you calling mongrel? My name's Bujin."
"Y-You talked." stutted Blueblood.
"Talking's over." Bujin slammed the door shut and the rest of what happened involved one horny Bujin and one scared shitless Blueblood.
I won't go into detail cause I don't do those kinds of scenes.
"Aww, here you are boy!" Spike grinned as he hugged his dog, who recently returned. "Who's a good boy, yes you are. Yes you are~!"
"He's not a boy anymore..." Blueblood said as he came to the house, weirdly enough looking pale with a wild mane and walking a bit strange. "He's a man...BECAUSE HE JUST RAPED ME!"
"..." Everypony was silent until..."HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" They laughed.
"E-excuse me, Blueblood...B-but that sounds *MPH!*" Twilight barely held her laugh as Spike was rolling into the ground. "I-improvable, besides Bujin has be born for a mere day, how would he learn that?! A HA HA HA HA!"
"She's right. The only things I know are lick and good..." Bujin then smirked darkly, "and rape..."
"Do you have ANY idea of how it feels to be raped by a dog?! DO YOU?!" Blueblood exploded.
"Who?" Chipped Owlowiscious.
"DO YOU?! I-I think that's what hell is like, to be constantly raped by dogs!" The prince said sadly as Bujin fake-whimpered.
"Dude, you better go..." Spike said while comforting his dog and Twilight envolved the idiot in her magic.
"WAIT! I'M NOT FINISHED! LOOK AT THE MONGREL SMILING!"
"Can you back that up?" Bujin mocked, somehow unheard by everyone except Blueblood.
"DID YOU HEAR THAT!? I HAVE ENOUGH PROOF IN MY SWOLLEN REAR!"
"I meant that ass..." Blueblood went pale. "Back it up to the wall!"
"YOU LITTLE BEAST!"
"Blueblood...you just need some rest, so please go before you force me to feed you to a manticore..." Twilight said as she got him out.
"IF I SEE THAT DOG, HE'S DEAD!" *SLAM!* "MY NOSE!"
Later on, Blueblood was relaxing on his couch when he heard the ringing of his phone.
"Yes?"
"Blueblood? It's Twilight." came Twilight's voice over the phone.
"Twilight? What is it?" asked the prince.
"I just wanted to tell you that Spike got rid of Bujin."
"Really? Hooray!" yelled Blueblood with glee.
"Yeah, anyways, to be sure you're alright, leave the door unlocked so I can check up on you later." advised Twilight.
"Sure." replied Blueblood who felt he could use his 'charm' on the unicorn.
The other phone ended the call and was being held by Bujin who snickered at his plan and began to get ready for the night.
"Man, that blew off a load off my mind..." Blueblood relaxed backwards in his private beach, never noticing the familiar figure near him...
"So, how that turkey going?" Bujin asked as he appeared behind Blueblood, who was confused. "Coming here to check it's temperature..."
"Wha-?"
"Time to see if the meat's right!" And with that, Bujin threw himself to Blueblood and the following will have to be censored to avoid lawsuits for broken minds.
"AAAAAAAAHHH! NO MONGREL, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Meanwhile, Spike was currently passing the time with Twilight and the girls on a game of tic tac toe. Suddenly, Blueblood rammed the door down and held a shotgun with his magic.
"Where is he?!" exclaimed Blueblood.
"Who?" responded Owlicious.
"That mongrel!" yelled Blueblood.
"Blueblood, I think you're getting a little stir crazy." responded Twilight.
"I'm not crazy!" yelled the prince who ran there and all his shouting used up the rest of his oxygen, which caused him to fall down and begin to suffocate.
Bujin ran over from his bed and began to perform CPR on the prince before said prince began to wake up. "Tonight...You..." whispered Bujin into the prince's ear.
Blueblood was stunned, but suddenly had an idea hit him! "I'd like to see you try." dared Blueblood before getting back up and heading back to his home for a little surprise.
"What the hell just happened?" Asked Spike as everypony looked confused before Blueblood came back and took a part of Twilight's hair, earning a "HEY!" from the alicorn before he ran off...followed by Bujin.
"THAT BASTARD/MY DOG! AFTER HIM!" Exclaimed both Twilight and Spike before the mane 7 and their pets followed the mad prince and the lost pet as they went to the Changeling's base and took one of Chrysalis's hair, then they went to Canterlot and took some hairs of Celestia, Luna and Cadence before finally arriving at the computer, where Blueblood put all the hairs as he made a new dog.
"For years I thinked that rape was funny...until it hit me..." Blueblood said as he tried to shake off Bujin, who was on top of him. "And now every time I think, you're there Mongrel, RAPING ME!"
"So?" Bujin asked, but he and the arriving mane 7 stood quiet as a female "dog" came out (Practically the female dog looks like a female carnage)
"Bujin...meet the ENFORCER!" Blueblood cackled.
But then the female dog said, "I want my name to be spaghetti."
"-FINE! Spaghetti, whatever!" Snapped the prince, "Now I want you to show this mongrel-" Points to Bujin, "THE NIGHT OF HIS LIFE!"
Then Spaghetti leap and threw Bujin away as Blueblood laughed!
"YES! YES! NOW RAPE HIM, JUST LIKE HE RAPED ME!" He screamed, but then Spaghetti smelled Bujin before letting him go with a pleased expression. "WHY DIDN'T YOU RAPE HIM!?"
"Because I like him..." She said simply before looking at Blueblood darkly. "BUT FOR YOU!" And soon she leap at the panicked prince and began to rape him followed shorty by Bujin as the prince began to scream in horror!
"NO! SPAGHETTI, STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Spike and everyone else had watched the crazy display happen...but shrugged it off as Blueblood was the one getting it. Spaghetti walked over to Luna's side and rubbed against her leg. Luna petted her on the head.
Eventually, Spaghetti and Bujin got married and had little puppies that ran around the castle, merely enjoying themselves.
As for Blueblood, he was thrown into an insane asylum, where he now makes macaroni art with his roommate.
"Hey, you got a perty mouth." commented his roommate.
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