The insane tales of mlp

chapter 15

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"Varoom! Vroom vroom!" Said Derpy...don't take a swig of that beer yet reader.

"Urrrrrrrr...eeep, baby, eeep, baby! Urrrrrrrr..." and when you thought she had ran out of things to say..."eeep! Delivery ma'am?"

"Did you eat breakfast this morning? Also, you're a grown mare with a kid." Said Berry Punch.

Derpy was holding onto a car door while Berry Punch and Moondancer were setting up piles of stuff with signs.

Berry then handed Derpy a blender. "Here, give it to Moondancer and put it on the table."

"Service is my middle hoof! Check please!"

"Should've ate breakfast, you need that protein."

That's when those breakfast rappers from nickelodeon appeared and rapped about why breakfast is so important. Then Jake the dog appeared and told them how to make bacon pancakes, and then I appeared and told them how to make hot dog omelette.

"On the bright side, we ain't exactly completely copying off 'In Like Ed.'"

"Back to the story!" cried Spikerules.

"Seems to be in fine condition...10 bits! A fair asking l price."

"Here's 10 butts." said Gonard from Kappa Mikey.

"I said bits, and that money only works in that weird community in your universe."

After Gonard went away, some other guy appeared.

"We're not open yet." Said Berry Punch.

"Just browsing."

"*sigh!* Oh Buuuulk!"

"Aaaaaaaah!"

"Yeah! Raaaaadaaaaaaa."

"Okay, Chowder reference, that's another to check off this list!" Said Moondancer.

"This huge aged bottle of fine wine oughta.."

"Varoom!"

"Quit fucking around Derpy, man I hate being sober."

"Ha, ha..." Then Derpy put on the breaks.

"It's for my table Berry." Then she threw it on the barely standing table."Car door only 5 bits. My boat 20 bits, my dryer 15 bits. No price will be refused at honest Hooves! Table 5 bits." That's when she realized. "London bridge is falling! At least I knew what went wrong!" She said as the pile crushed her! Derpy then found a bow and vase in her mouth, she pulled the bow out which shot the vase at Berry.

"Bam!" Said Emeryl.

That's when Derpy started shooting more stuff! "Weeee!" Then she grabbed her husband.

"Derpy, what are you whoooooooaaa!"

"Bam!" Emeryl said again.

"Heyo!" said Jay Leno.

"Zoinks!" Said Shaggy.

"Stop the references!" shouted Moondancer.

Then Berry got back up dazed. "What day is it?"

"It's yard sale day Berry, and I just finished giving my merch appropriate prices."

"4 bits for roller skates? 2 bits for a stack of dictionaries? What's with ya Moondancer? Up the ante! Luckily I'm charging 50 bits for this baby." grinned the mare holding up a helmet.

"50 bits? Berry, the idea behind a yard sale is to recycle one's unwanted items at a fair and economical price." Moondancer told her.

"My stuff aint economical, they're deluxe one of a kind items!"

"Your High School photo? Berry please, this is hardly collectible!"

"More junk!" Then Derpy grabbed Berry Punch.

"No! Wait Derpy!"

Derpy pulled Berry back on the string and let her go before said mare went flying through the air.

Berry then crashed unconscious until Adult Sweetie Belle smacked Berry awake with a rolling pin.

"Kitchy Kitchy koo!"

"Hey! Hey! Hey!"

"You're right Button, she's still breathing."

"Too bad, let's go make some slushies." Said adult Button Mash.

"Wait you gotta pay for that!"

"We did!" Sweetie Belle knocked Berry down.

"We got it at Soarin's yard sale for 2 bits."

Then we see Soarin haggling with Zecora. "I'm tellin ya, it's a great deal."

"Don't give me that spiel!" Zecora replied.

"Then maybe no more than 50 bits, and for you these volcano resistant oven mitts!"

"A bargain indeed. But if you are spouting lies, you will find yourself in pain from my fits."

"Soarin just scored 50 bits." Berry said in surprise.

Then Adult Snips with a picture of his dead friend Snails, pulled something out of a box. "How much is this Soarin?"

"25 bits take it or leave it."

"Okay, hahaha..."

"Wait, doesn't Snails want one too?"

"How'd ya know?"

"How did he know?" said Berry.

"I'm not sure." replied Moondancer. "Though, I really think it's time for Snips to let go of Snails right now, his death was 10 years ago, the day after Dinky moved out of Derpy's and got married to Pipsqueak. Celestia, the photo of Snails was so off putting that he lost his crush Twist to Spike!"

"Anyways, Soarin knows to much! Something's fishy!"

"Ha ha...see you at the Candy Store dumb, dork, drunky!"

"Uh Soarin?" Derpy asked before being interrupted!

"Sheepskin seat covers."

"Wow, he knew what I was going to say."

"See? He's got inside info, he knows more than you Moondancer!

That made Moondancer angry. "Oh really?" she glared at the pegasus. "Shall we investigate fellow mares?"

"Moondancer's got a plan!" shouted Derpy before following.

"But...that's my schtick."

"No, your schtick is being a drunk in a kid's show." said Trixie.

"Oh yeah? Sim sim sana bim!"

"What was that?"

"Dammit! Must've been drunk when I learned that spell."

Later in Moondancer's house...

"I've created a few top secret devices in order to stop Soarin from whatever he's planning on doing."

Derpy and Berry then ooh'd and aah'd.

"Behold!" she pulled out a mop.

"It's a mop, so?"

"It might be a mop, but hidden inside is a tiny transmitter."

"Yawn!"

"Okay, then how about a bucket with a tape recorder hidden within a false bottom?"

"Quit holdin out on us. Where's the smoke screen, oil slick, laser watch!" asked Berry looking through the closet.

"Uh..."

"What's this Moondancer?"

She turned to see Derpy holding up a coat hanger. "That's just a coat hanger Derpy."

"Oh...mum's the word...and it's theorized that Ed Edd 'n' Eddy takes place in Canada."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, throughout the course of the show I always see the Canada leaf on some clothi..."

"What's this? A jawbreaker?"

"Berry stop no!" cried Moondancer before yanking the object out of Berry's hold. "It may look like a jawbreaker but it's actually a baking powder vapor barrier for quick escapes. Why with just one lick..."

"Banana nut muffins!" shouted Derpy.

"Wow! Give me that! A jetpack!" grinned Berry holding up the tech Derpy found.

"I'm still testing that Berry, as you can see, I need another test subject I don't care about." Said Moondancer as she pointed to the tombstone that read: Here Lies Dan from Dan Vs.

His friend Chris knew the jet pack idea was a bad idea.

"Works fine Moony!" Berry hovered a little before zipping through the air.

"We still have to pick code names."

"I am the claw, and the claw wishes to fly." spoke Derpy holding the hook part of the coat hanger up before it got snagged on Berry's coat.

The jetpack flew out of the shack.

"All that hard work..." Moondancer complained. That's when she heard an alarm go off. "It's the Soarin motion alert!"

All of them ran over to her monitors with the main one showing Soarin walking out of his home with a package.

"I can't see what he's holding! Zoom in! Zoom in! Derpy, where'd you put the camera?"

"Only the claw knows." she narrowed her eyes while holding up the claw.

"Huh?" As it turns out the camera was right in front of him. "Stupid mares!"

Then the screen turned to static.

"Slendermane, get off of this channel!"

"Oops wrong pony!"

"We've lost contact! We'll have to switch to field surveillance, I'll explain on the way!"

"The claw is needed!" said Derpy.

"Let's go, you almost poked me in the head with that stupid thing!"

We now cut to show Soarin walking through town. Soarin then met up with Zecora and off they were for Button's house.

"Big drinker to four eyes, cloud head is leaving." whispered Berry popping her head out of a bush.

"Roger, where is he now?"

"Cloud and monochrome just walked past S.P.D."

"What does S.P.D. mean? Also, it's the claw!" replied Derpy.

"Silly pony delivery."

"Super Sentai/Power Ranger reference...check."

"Keep following them." spoke Moondancer.

Then they made it to Button Mash's house.

"Hey there Dragon, tell me something to rag on." Then the door closed. Then it opened again letting Sweetie Belle poke her head out and then slam it shut.

"The fools. All in one location." chuckled Berry.

Then they looked through the periscope to see everyone.

"It looks like a meeting of secret agents girls." Moondancer concluded.

"Let me see, I love spies!" Said Derpy.

She moved it around to see several mares in there with a few colts and stallions.

"Gimme that!" Berry said, then looked around. "Looks like Button's the brains of the bunch...ew Milano...oh yeah it's the parcels! They must have the dangerous crap!" Berry concluded. Then the periscope went up and was replaced with an upside down Derpy.

"Let's take 'em down!" Then she looked back in. "What the? Where is everything?"

"You got sleepies in your eyes Berry."

"...Let's go!" Then she put up Derpy.

Moondancer followed her with Derpy running across the road to a tree. She was about to fire the grappling hook until a helicopter appeared dropping off Solid Snake.

"Otacon, this is Snake."

"Go kick their butts Snake!" replied Otacon! "Snake! Look out!"

Snake then blocked a kick from Kim Possible.

"An old guy? Let's do this K..."

*bang!*

"Yeah...you got this one!"

But then they heard a motorcycle! It then stopped right in front of them!

"Who are you?" said Snake.

The red one on the motorcycle got off and then...

"Red Buster!" greeted the red ranger.

"Blue Buster!" said the blue ranger standing next to Snake.

"Yellow Buster!" said the yellow ranger who was next to KP.

"Beet Buster!" said the gold ranger next to Ron Stoppable.

"Stag Buster!" said the silver ranger also next to Ron.

"Together...we are Tokumei Sentai Go-Busters!" said the Red Ranger before going light speed at striking Kim and Snake!

That's when a hole from the ground opened up dropping of the Totally Spies!

"We are secret agents of Whoop! We are taking custody of this miss..." Then a beaver tail smacked Sam!

It was Perry the Platypus of Agent P for short!

"A secret agent platypu...whoa!" went KP when a laser zoomed past

"Bond...James Bond!"

Then Black Spy and White Spy along with Grey Spy appeared!

"Okay, remember the mission Red Spy."

"Yes Blue Spy. We fuck Milano Mash, give the pictures to Button, and then fuck her again! Right after we kill all of the competition!"

Then Dancing Shadow AKA Elise appeared.

"Dancing Shadow, eliminate the competition!"

The a huge spy battle royale broke out in Button Mash's backyard! This confusion gave Derpy the chance to shoot the grappling hook onto the chimney, harness herself, then zipline! Only to create a pegasus shaped lump in the wall! Everyone looked at it for a second before going back to their party!

*Stomp!* *Stomp!*

"What was that?" Asked .

"I dunno dad, kinda sounded like a giant robot stomping on spies." Dinky replied.

Zecora walked over and opened it to show Berry in a fancy dress.

"Nice to know the party didn't start without me!"

"Do you have an invite Berry? Because an invite I do not see."

"The toy smells like tomato."

"And the narrator stubbed his toe. Let me see your invite, or you'll feel my blight!"

"Is that another Zebra?!" Berry shouted, distracting Zecora and running off! Meanwhile in the front yard...

"Wait, why am I using a jetpack? I have wings!" She flew up but fell back down after being struck by lightning!

"This one appears to be another video game...Ooh it's all 4 Mario and Luigi games, Paper Mario games, and Mario & Luigi Paper Jam! Lucky kid!" Said Moondancer.

"It's those X-ray goggles, they're clearly broken!"

"Berry, party hats, cake, and these colorful boxes I was never given before?" I feel like we've made a horrible mistake!"

That's when Derpy fell out of the Pinata and on top of Button Mash!

"Poor brethen." Said a pinata from Viva Pinata.

"Look what I found! Candy!"

and Dinky face hoofed! "Not again!"

"Who invited you Derpy?" Asked Spike who was holding back an enraged Sweetie Belle with Twist's help.

"Presents!"

Then they all began opening them!

"Why?" questioned Berry Pinch.

"Dammit mom!" said Dinky.

"I don't know her." lied Minuette.

"What are you 3 doing?" said Sweetie Belle.

"I think the real question is what are you doing with this? Huh?" Berry asked while confusingly holding an Ouya.

"I'm so misunderstood! I wanted an NX!" then Button Mash ran away crying.

"There goes the birthday boy, you 3 ruined another party!" said an annoyed Soarin.

"Good one Moondancer." Berry blamed as the party guests were glaring at them.

"Look, it's just a big misunderstanding." Said Moondancer.

"Good luck catching us as we'll be invisible to the naked eye! With this baking powder vapor barrier! A shroud one might say!"

"You said a mouthful!" said adult Pipsqueak.

"It's pounding time!" said Soarin!

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!" shouted Berry before detonating the smoke bomb the devastated the house!"

All of the ponies there cried out before all went silent as the house was covered and flood with white powder.

"Now do you see the reason of extensive testing?"

"Where'd everyone go?" asked Derpy.

"Messy, messy, messy!"

"I think we scared them off, let's run before they get back."

"Where were we?" came Soarin's voice.

Everyone began emerging from the whiteness!

"Uh...Doc? Feel like saving us about now? Don't join them! This'll be domestic abuse!"

"Sorry mommy, but you 3 need to learn!" replied Dinky.

And then the screen faded to black.