Chapter Three: Coping

Trigger warning (whole chapter) self harm references and non graphic descriptions.

Once they were back at Grimmauld Place Harry chucked the crutches to the side and stormed up to his room. Picking them up and following him, Remus sighed. "What are we going to do with him, Sirius?"

They both followed the frustrated teen upstairs, and Sirius stood in the door frame while Remus approached Harry (who had flopped dramatically onto his bed) and set the crutches down next to him. "Harry, you heard Poppy, you need to use these…. You aren't supposed to be putting any weight on that foot."

Harry ignored him.

Remus shook his head and continued. "Alright Harry, we need to talk, then we will let you rest." Remus waited until Harry sat up before continuing. The teen glared at him, but at least he was listening. "Okay Harry, we have been trying to give you space… but now it is an issue of safety. Some things are going to need to change around here. You need to start eating Harry, every meal. You are underweight and we cannot allow you to continue skipping meals all the time, it isn't healthy. And you need to use your crutches. I know you don't care right now, but your health could be permanently affected by this and one day you are going to care." Remus paused before his last instruction and glanced at Sirius. Harry was not going to like this. "And Harry, Madam Pomfery told us about the self harming… We are not mad at you, but we are worried. That type of behavior can be very dangerous. And it is not a healthy way to cope with your emotions…. So, I need you to give me your blade."

Harry glared at the ground and didn't move. They can't force me to stop, he thought angrily. And they can't force me to give it to them.

Remus seemed to think differently though. When he realized that Harry was not going to move to retrieve the blade, he stood and walked over to his, still packed, trunk.

Sirius finally walked into the room more now. "Remus… Maybe we should..."

Remus shot a glare at his friend. "This is dangerous Sirius, we can't let him keep doing it." With that he opened the trunk and started rifling through it.

This finally caused a reaction out of Harry. He screamed, a blood curdling, wordless scream. The room shook, and windows shattered. Harry was standing now. "Get out! You have no right!" He yelled at them as the mirror on the wall exploded. "Who gave you the right to tell me what to do? Get OUT!"

Remus looked shocked, he hadn't heard Harry speak in over a month. The room was shaking around them and he just stared at Harry in horror. This was not the boy he knew.

Sirius on the other hand was not at all surprised by Harry's reaction. He knew that his godson was a powerful wizard, and that when he was angry he could lose control. And he had already lost control of so much recently. Sirius grabbed Remus by the back of his shirt and yanked him away from the trunk just before it spewed its contents all through the room. "Okay Harry," He said as though he was talking to a wild animal. "I know that you are upset right now, and that it has been a really difficult week for you. You are allowed to be angry with us."

Harry was still screaming, and now magically hurtling things at Remus. Sirius shoved his best friend through the doorway and slammed it. "He's gone okay… And I will leave too, but I need you to calm down a bit first. I can't leave until I'm sure you aren't going to hurt yourself." Sirius could see that Harry had lost all control, and he wasn't going to calm down until he ran out of energy. Resigning himself Sirius sat down with his back against the door and let Harry scream. After a while the screams turned into more strangled sobs, and eventually Harry collapsed in exhaustion.

Once he had collapsed Sirius morphed into his dog form and approached slowly. Then he curled himself around the younger boy and let him cry it out. Once Harry was asleep he morphed back and carried him to his bed. Then he repaired all the glass and went downstairs to check on Remus.

The worn-out werewolf was pacing in the living room when Sirius came down. "He's sleeping." He said as he dropped into one of the wing back chairs by the fire and dropped his head into his hands. "Are you alright?"

Remus shrugged and continued to pace.

"What the hell happened up there Mooney?"

Remus paused in his pacing and gave Sirius a guilty look. "I don't know... He just freaked out…"

Sirius shook his head "Not with Harry, with you. You freaked out there Moony…."

Remus sighed and sunk into the couch. "I know… I just… it kills me, knowing he is hurting himself like that. And I had to do something… We are in a position where we can do something Sirius… not like… like…"

Sirius gave a quiet nod. "Not like with me."

Their eyes met and Remus nodded "I'm sorry, I just kept thinking about it. How horrible it was, how there was nothing we could do… I don't want to feel like that with Harry."

Sirius sighed and moved to sit next to his friend. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about those dark days as well. But he knew that he remembered them very differently from Remus and James would have. "Remus, you were a child then… and it wasn't fair the burden that was placed on you and James. I wasn't fair to either of you. I almost killed James when he finally broke and told his parents, but you know what? Things got better after that. With Harry it is different, we are adults now… and we aren't helpless. But we have to be careful so that we don't do more harm than help. And we have to talk to each other before we go up there and lay down the law."

Remus nodded in agreement and clapped his friend on the back. "When did you become the sensible one?"

Sirius laughed "I don't know but I don't like it!"

"Is Harry okay?"

Sirius shrugged. "He's got a lot to be angry about, so I let him be angry. Eventually he wore himself out. I don't know though Remus… he's been through so much, I worry he will never really be okay."

Now Remus patted his friend on the back more kindly "I know, but he is strong… and he has a lot of people who are here to help him."

As if on cue, at that moment the fireplace burst into yellow and green flames, and the Hogwarts potion master appeared in their living room. He took a moment to catch his balance, then turned to the two marauders sitting on the couch. "I would have rang ahead, but Poppy said that you three had a pretty hard morning and I didn't want to bother you."

Remus smiled and stood, "Severus, thank you for coming." He shook his hand while shooting Sirius a death glare. "We really appreciate it."

Snape nodded aloofly. "Well I can't promise I will be much help, but I will do my best."

"Why don't we go into the kitchen and I'll put a kettle on?" Remus said as he led the group towards the back of the house. "The living room is right under Harry's and I don't want to wake him."

Severus gave a questioning look at this comment, but he said nothing as they moved down the hallway and settled at the long kitchen table. "It is pretty early for Potter to be sleeping…"

Sirius shot him a glare. "Like you said, he had a long day."

Remus put the kettle on and moved beside Sirius. "We had a bit of an incident when we got back from Hogwarts. It was my fault really… I got too emotional about things."

Sirius had expected Snape to laugh, or mock them, but instead he nodded understandingly "Well it is a very emotional situation. I was shocked when Poppy told me. I am usually very good at picking up on things like that, but I'm afraid this time even I missed it. I know that it was partly because I had a grudge against the boy, because of his father. But I want you to know that I am done with that now. It was wrong, and I am sorry… And I will tell Harry all of that one day. But right now, I just want to do whatever I can to help you two to help him."

Remus nodded "That was very big of you to say Severus, I know that James and Sirius were quite horrible to you in school, and I know that they regretted it later." Remus gave Sirius a nudge.

Sirius glared at him, but eventually he relented. "We do Snape… Especially James. During the war his eyes were really opened…. He spoke to me just before his death about wishing he could make things right with you."

Snape nodded stiffly. "Alright, well now that that is out of the way…. Let's get to the real reason for this conversation. Poppy filled me in on Potter… Harry's history, but she said she would let you two fill me in on how he has been handling it, since you obviously have seen him more."

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. Finally, Remus spoke. "Well, for the most part I don't think he has been dealing with it… He hadn't spoken since the end of the last task, which you knew. Actually, he spoke this afternoon, but it was more screaming. For the most part he just lies in bed and won't talk to us. He hasn't been eating, hasn't seemed interested in anything…. And then in the infirmary today we found out that he has been self-harming, which Poppy said has been going on for a long time. That was what he was screaming about, I tried to get him to give me his blade…"

Severus nodded as Remus spoke "Those aren't surprising reactions really. Even without the abuse, Harry has been through a lot. I wish I could say that cutting wasn't common among Hogwarts students."

They talked for a while about how best to help Harry, and about what issues were nonnegotiable, and what things they could let slide. Eventually they seemed to come up with a decent game plan. Severus wished them good luck, and offered to check in on them in a week and see if they needed anything else. Then he saw himself out.

Remus and Sirius were left alone to go face their very angry teen.

Harry was awake and sitting up in bed when they knocked. Shit He thought quickly as he tried to stash his blade and hide the blood on his comforter. Sirius came in first, and of course he saw the blood.

He just sighed and gave Harry a sad look "Wait kid, let me help you clean that up." He said quietly as he conjured a bandage and started to wrap it.

Remus stood a little farther off. "Harry, I want to apologize for how I acted earlier… I was being insensitive and I want you to know that I'm doing my best to work on it. This is a difficult situation for all of us, and I think we all need to lay down some ground rules."

Harry had been preoccupied with Sirius wrapping his arm. Clutching his blade under his thigh and praying that they wouldn't take it from him.

Sirius was smarter than that though, once he had wrapped the wound he held out his hand. "Give it up kid… let's just get it over with."

Harry shook his head rapidly, causing the room to spin. They can't take it… I need it…

Sirius locked eyes with him though "I know Harry, I know how hard this is for you." He reached for his own sleeve and pulled it up, revealing the scarred skin beneath. "I really do, Harry. But we have to keep you safe. That has to be our number one priority right now. And I know you'll probably hate us, and that is okay, but you need to give us the blade. And any others you have."

Harry stared at his godfather in desperation, but after a long moment of silent waiting, he dropped the blade into his hand. This is going to kill me… I can't survive…

Sirius smiled sadly "Thank you Harry, is this the only one?"

Harry paused for a moment, will he believe me…. I shouldn't lie, they are just trying to help… but I need this. He nodded slowly, and Sirius nodded back.

After pocketing the blade Sirius continued "Alright, like Moony said Harry, we need to establish some ground rules here. But I want you to understand that we are only implementing rules to keep you safe. They are not punishment, and you are not in trouble." When Harry nodded, he continued. "If you hurt yourself again, you need to come to one of us. We won't get mad, and you won't be in trouble, but we need to know so that we can make sure you are safe. Cutting can lead to serious infections. And you can always come to us if you feel like cutting and need help not to, even if it is the middle of the night.

"Between the hours of eleven and nine we would like you to stay down stairs. I know you don't feel like socializing, and that is okay, but you are not going to start feeling better if you hide up here all the time. We also want you to attend every meal. You don't have to eat if you don't want to, but you must come sit at the table with us while we are eating. And lastly," He hesitated, sensing this wouldn't go over well, "We are going to arrange for you to speak with a therapist." Harry gave him a look of panic and Sirius held up a hand "I know you aren't speaking, and that is okay. We just want you to have someone to speak to when you decide you are ready."

Harry wasn't happy about the new rules, but he didn't scream or shake the room. He wasn't angry at them this time. Well he was, but more than angry; Harry was afraid. Because Sirius and Remus had come in here united, with a plan. They were calm and prepared. And Harry thought they might actually follow through. They aren't going to let me cut…. And they are going to make me eat, and talk…. And I can't, I can't talk I just can't

Sirius saw Harry deteriorating and did his best to comfort him, but he knew from experience that panic attacks had to just be ridden out sometimes.

Things started off a bit rocky, Harry didn't even touch his food at dinner that night. But he didn't try to go back up to his room after, and almost seemed to be watching the movie that Remus put on for them. Sirius had come home with a TV set one day earlier in the summer, a box of VHS's trailing behind him. It was mostly old movies, but they were the ones Harry knew so he didn't mind. He had never been allowed to watch TV at Privet drive. But sometimes at night when he couldn't sleep he would sneak out of his cupboard and dare to turn the TV on.

The next few days went almost peacefully. Harry was still having panic attacks on a regular basis, and eventually Remus and Sirius realized he was having nightmares as well. But he started eating, not much, but at least it was something. And he seemed slightly more engaged each day. Remus and Sirius were making an effort to talk to him about things other than the abuse. They talked about Quidditch, and his friends, and school. But eventually they found the thing that engaged the teen the most was stories of his parents.

That Wednesday they all made the trip back to Hogwarts. Harry was clearly nervous at breakfast, and Remus tried to calm him. (Sirius was not awake yet, he struggled with mornings.) "I know it's going to be a long day Harry, but we will be there the whole time. You can get through it. And if you ever need a break just give us the signal and we will make it happen."

They had come up with 'the signal' a few days before. Since Harry still wasn't talking, they wanted him to have a way to communicate if he needed a break from what they were doing.

All in all the two remaining marauders were transitioning into their roles as parents fairly well. It hadn't been easy exactly, and Harry was far from fine, but they had fallen into a rhythm of sorts. Remus had figured out how to identify when Harry was having a panic attack. It had taken them a few days to realize what was happening. He didn't hyperventilate or scream or any of the other things that you usually saw people doing in movies. He just got this glazed look in his eyes and curled up tightly. Once they had realized what it was they quickly learned something else, approaching him during a panic attack made it worse. Sirius was the one who thought of transforming. Harry seemed more at ease with him in his dog form. He was more comfortable with touch from an animal than a human. So every time they saw Harry start to panic Sirius would transform and curl up next to him protectively until it passed.