The insane tales of MLP
chapter 29
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"HEY DOUCHEBAGS !WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO NOT UPDATING THE REST OF MY AWESOME STORY IN A MONTH!"
SHUT IT WADE! Some of us were getting things done, SO CLAM IT!
"YEAH RIGHT! YOU TWO JACKOFFS WERE JACKIN OFF!"
...this coming from a guy who banged two ponies.
"Hey, That was Justified! By the way any of you see My Movie?"
Ask Jax, cause I didn't.
No Car dude .
"Then You Sirs have Earned My well deserved Hatred!"
You gonna go annoy Rainbow Dash or not? We're kinda on a budget.
Wait, we're not on a Budget, we don't even get Paid for this.
You want this whole chapter to be about us talking or him screwing around?
Wait, where'd he Go?
Deadpool had run off to the nearest hot air balloon. "SEE YA SUCKERS!" He jumped into it and undid the rope before it floated into the air.
...Look what You Did!
Shut it!
"My Little Deadpool! My little Deadpool!" He sang.
"Ow! Who's singing?" groaned a certain pegasus.
"Oh Rainbow Dash, I've been Looking for you!"
"And you are?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Deadpool!"
"Never heard of ya."
"I'm Hurt!" he grabbed his chest while slightly dipping backward over the side of the balloon.
"..."
"So I take it you think you're twenty percent cooler than me, eh?"
"I know I'm Twenty percent cooler than you."
"Well I'm a thousand times cooler." grinned the merc under his mask.
"Nuh Uh!"
"Oh yeah? Do YOU have a movie based around yourself?"
"Kinda. I am Getting a Movie next Year!"
"Hah! Does it have beer, explosions, and hot naked girls?"
"Explosions, yes. Beers and hot Naked girls..No."
"Really? But the fandom is all for you being either a fan of Soarin, or a big closet lesbian."
"You're Unbelievable."
"Well I can make the impossible possible, and the possible impossible." he remarked pulling a camera out and taking a pic of the pegasus.
"As Twilight and Rarity would say, that's Preposterous!"
"You're Presumptuous!"
RD frowned at the merc who started drinking from a soda that came out of nowhere.
"Something wrong Dashie?"
"Don't call me Dashie."
"Why?"
"Only my friends call me that." she replied with her forelegs crossed.
"Why?"
"Why are you bugging me about it?"
"I don't know."
GET ON IT WITH IT!
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why what?"
Now I'm lost who is talking.
"I'm Talkin dumbass!" Deadpool said.
Shut up! Also, cliff.
"Cliff?" Deadpool looked and found the balloon basket crashing against a cliff. "RAINBOW DASH! AVENGE MEEEEEEEEEEE!" He said as he fell out the Balloon.
Said pegasus watched him fall before shrugging. "Eh."
Deadpool smashed into the Ground Leaving an imprint. "I...will remember...that...Rainbow..." he groaned.
"Oh My! Are you Okay?"
Deadpool used one hand to peel his head up. "And what he saw was Fluttershy."
"Um, how do you know my name?" asked the shy pegasus.
He put his head on his Shoulders. "Long Story, now help me out of here!"
"Oh! Right." Fluttershy walked closer and tried pulling him out. Luckily for her she succeeded.
"Thanks toots."
"Um, who are you?" she asked shyly.
"Names Deadpool."
"What are you?"
"I'm a Human. It's like an Ape, but more evolved, Intelligent, Sexy, and Less Poop throwy."
"Oh." Fluttershy backed away while Angel glared at him.
"Don't be Scared I won't hurt ya. I'm friendly." that's when he saw Angel making Boxing Poses. "Oh you wanna go little Bugs Bunny? Come at me bro!"
Angel pounced on Him and they started Fighting with Fluttershy closing her Eyes.
"Bring it on Peter Cottontail!"
After the Fight was over, Angel had Both his leg, an arm, and an ear broken while Deadpool had his head turned backwards and his Legs shoved into his ears and His arms Deep Inside his Rectum. "Man for a Bunny, you can Sure Hit Hard!"
Fluttershy kept her eyes covered while the two tried fixing themselves.
"There all better!" Deadpool said. He looked and saw Fluttershy was still not looking, giving him a devious idea. He walked behind and aimed a Finger towards her Ass.
"Let the flames of bronies commence. Deadpool jutsu, THOUSAND YEARS OF BUTTFUCK!"
She let out a Loud Scream and to his Literal Surprise. She actually Enjoyed it.
"Hmmm, well now the bronies have a new picture to paint."
"I didn't say Stop!" Fluttershy said.
Deadpool grinned as the camera moved above the scene.
7 Hours Later this Happened!
Deadpool walked away from a smiling Fluttershy.
"I DIDN'T SAY STOP!" She screamed to Him.
"Suck on that pic Bronies! I banged your best waifu!" the merc called to the audience.
7 MORE Hours Later!
Deadpool was about walk away until. "MORE!" And with that he turned and walked back.
Later Still!
Deadpool stretched and walked off until he heard. "MORE!"
"Sheesh! And I thought Twilight was the closet nympho." He walked Back.
Come On Already!
He started to Tiptoe until. "GET BACK HERE!"
He rolled his eyes and went Back.
Is she Serious!?
He then started to Crawl away until. "I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET WADE!"
(Sigh!) The Next Day!
Deadpool looked at the sleeping pegasi and used every ounce of training to carefully move out from under her grasp.
"Man, I Love Sex, But even I Know that was Too Much!"
After making sure she wouldn't wake up, he quietly walked away.
"Phew that was Close!"
But then he heard her mumble while moving her hoof around near her. Deadpool pulled out a Giant Pencil and Drew a Door.
FLUTTERSHY WAKE UP!
She woke up just as He was escaping. "WADE!"
He Opened the door and he was Instantly back in Ponyville. "That was close. Now End it Now! So I can annoy Applejack Next Time! AND DON'T TAKE A MONTH!"
Fuck that shit! We only have you meet two more of the mares? No way! We're wrapping this shit up now!
Ugh Fine! Let's wrap it Up!
Deadpool groaned before walking to the Apple Acres farm. There he saw Applejack Bucking Trees.
"Don't you mean fucking?"
No, but that sounds A Lot Better!
Before we start discussing a porno involving AJ getting banged by a tree, lets actually have the merc meet her first.
Fine, Killjoy.
Deadpool walked over to the mare. And he Slapped her Flank.
"Ah!" AJ jumped and turned to the merc. "What in sam hill are ya doin!"
"Smackin Dat Ass!"
"And who in tarnation are you?"
"Names Deadpool Sugar Hooves!"
"It's Applejack."
"That's what I said."
"Just what are ya doin here?"
"Oh you Know just SnooooooPin!"
"Well can ya do your snoopin somewhere else?"
"Why?"
"Ah'm kinda in the middle of somethin."
"Maybe I Can Help you!"
"How?"
"Like this" he kicked the Tree and All the apples instantly fell Out.
Her jaw dropped in disbelief.
"Ta-Da!"
"How in the-?"
"Bein Awesome that's why!"
AJ sighed before noticing Deadpool staring at her. "I guess I should reward Ya."
"Yes, you should." he nodded.
She went over and kissed his cheek. "There!"
"Dang. Was hoping for some southern flank." he muttered.
"If you help me with the rest of the trees you Might just Get it."
"Count on it!" In three seconds Flat the apples were down. "Done! Now let's start shaking the barn!" He grabbed her and they ran into the Barn.
Pretty soon it shook with several grunts coming from it.
"Man that was Amazing!" Deadpool Said.
He walked out of the door with AJ looking tired and exhausted on the hay.
"Wow I've never been that tired in a Long Time!" She said.
"Stay beautiful sugar hooves." He Gave a Yawn. "Know What, Fuck Rarity! No one Likes her anyway she's a Bitch just send me Somewhere Else!"
Hey! I like her! Sure it's taking forever for her to see Spike's feelings, but this show isn't exactly a dating show!
I think she knows about Spike's Crush on her and we all know that's it's gonna be the Whole dipper and Wendy situation.
"He's Right you know!"
Quit crushing the dreams of Sparity shippers! We will never die!
We won't?... I SHALL BE IMMORTAL!
"And just like that, their brains are fried."