Chapter Ten: The Nut House

Anya found Remus in the small cafe room on the ICU floor, stewing over a cup of coffee. "I just finished with Harry, an aide is going to sit with him while we talk." She said with a smile. They each refilled their coffee cups, and then Anya led the way to a small conference room on the floor.

"Alright, now I was briefed on Harry's case before I came to see you two, but I'd like to chat with you and see if I can fill in some of the gaps. The more we can know about how Harry got here, the better we can help him." She smiled and folded her hands on her lap. "First though, I would just like to say that Harry seems like a very sweet boy, and I am very sorry to see him like this. But many teens with histories like Harry's have problems that lead them to attempted suicide, and many of them recover and can go on to lead heathy and productive lives."

Remus let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you for saying that, I appreciate it."

Anya smiled "How have you been holding up?"

Remus paused for a moment, tempted to brush off the question and focus on Harry, but he had a rare opportunity here to actually talk to someone, and he figured he should use it. "Not great, I'm worried... worried about Harry, feeling guilty for letting this happen... worried that he will try again and succeed."

Anya nodded "Those are all very normal reactions Remus, and I'm afraid I don't have any easy answers for you. But a big focus in our treatment will be helping Harry to see when he is struggling, and have a plan that he can mobilize to reach out, instead of trying to deal with his problems alone. The worry may never completely go away, but it won't always be this bad."

Remus nodded "You had some questions about Harry?"

Anya nodded "Yes, his file states that he came into your care at the beginning of the summer, and that he was removed from his former home because of abuse. Would you mind elaborating on that a bit?"

Remus nodded "Yes, um... Harry's parents passed away when he was one, and he was sent to live with his aunt and uncle at that time. He remained there until this past summer, when Si..." Remus sighed and considered his options. "My friend Sirius and I, we were friends with Harry's father in school, we were worried about him and brought him to our house for the rest of the summer. Once there we realized that Harry was being abused. Harry rarely talks about it. He was physically and sexually abused for most of the time he lived with his relatives. mostly by his uncle."

Anya nodded, "Harry mentioned him briefly. He just stood trial?"

Remus nodded again. "Yes, I never should have let Harry testify... I knew it would be hard for him. But there was a chance that Vernon would walk if Harry didn't, and he wanted to..."

Anya gave Remus a sympathetic smile "You couldn't have known what was going to happen." They talked about the trial, and Harry's relatives, for a while longer. Then Anya changed the subject. "So, before the other night, what symptoms were you seeing in Harry?"

Remus took a deep breath and thought for a moment. "Um, well he has nightmares, panic attacks, I think flashbacks, but he has never actually said that. He doesn't sleep much, and he eats like a bird. And of-course self-harming... That was a big issue at the beginning of the summer. He was so malnourished that the cuts weren't healing and they got infected. So that is the issue we have been working on the most. We found a counselor for him to see, and that seemed to be helping. He has been doing really well recently."

Anya nodded "Okay, what do you mean about his eating? Does he just not have an appetite? Or is there a food issue?"

Remus hesitated "I am not sure, it's one of those things where I try to pick my battles. When he first came to us, he was very underweight, and he had infections... So for a little while we were really strict about making him eat... but once he got better I didn't want to make it an issue if it wasn't one. I know his aunt and uncle starved him as a punishment, and so we always have food available, but we don't force him to eat."

"So how much would you say he eats? on a typical day?"

Remus shrugged "It depends on the day. He never eats breakfast, just coffee, lunch is usually a pretty decent meal, he will eat almost half of what is on his plate. And then dinner can go either way. Some days he eats it all, other days he hardly touches it. But he has never expressed concern about his weight, or choosing to starve himself in that sense."

Anya nodded "Then what do you think it is, that makes him not eat? A true lack of hunger?"

Remus shrugged "Sometimes... I think that eating at a dinner table with adults is really hard for him, I get the sense that it was one of the situations that would go south a lot at home. And so Sirius and I have been trying to just encourage him that we are here, and we care."

Anya nodded in understanding. They talked for a few more minutes about Harry, and then excused herself. "Alright, I have to go, Harry's medical doctor is hoping to clear him this afternoon, and then he should be admitted to the psych floor before dinner."

She paused on her way out of the conference room "and just so you know Mr. Lupin, our conversations are confidential, St mungo's has no interest in helping the ministry track down convicts. But just so you're aware, we do allow parents to bring their dogs to the unit, we find it very therapeutic." She gave Remus a meaningful look, then left.

When Remus got back to Harry's room two nurses were with him, helping him to get out of bed.

Remus smiled warmly "looking good kid" He said as he watched Harry take shaky steps around the room. Once he was a bit more stable one of the nurses left to go care for her own patients.

Anne smiled at Harry "You are looking good, the doc is working on your discharge papers as we speak." She glanced at Remus "So if your family brought you some extra clothes you can go ahead and get changed, and then I'll take out those IV's. It might be another hour before the psych floor is ready for you though, so don't rush." With that she left to go check on another patient.

Harry took a deep breath and walked over to the table where Severus had left the bag of clothes for him. Once he was in the bathroom he sat down and gave himself a moment. It was the first time he had been alone since last night. He wasn't really alone of course, Remus was just outside, and the door didn't even lock. But he felt alone.

As he got dressed he found a letter with his name on it in Sirius's handwriting. He held it for a moment before putting it back in the bag. He knew Sirius meant well, but he wasn't ready to read it.

When he came out of the bathroom Remus was waiting for him. "The nurse said they are ready to take you up..." He said quietly.

Harry paused, gripping his bag more tightly "Oh..."

Remus smiled and walked towards Harry, enveloping him in a hug. "Listen Harry, I know you are scared right now, and that you are hurting. But I need you to know that I am not abandoning you. You are not too broken to be fixed, and Sirius and I are going to be with you, no matter what, okay? We are so proud of you for coming to us."

Harry closed his eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. "I'm going to try to get better Remus, I know I haven't been doing well... and I can't make any promises... But I am going to try."

Remus patted Harry on the back and stepped away, walking over to the bed, and picked up his stuffed fox. "Better not forget this," he said as the orderly came in with a wheelchair.

Harry smiled and took the fox from Remus. The orderly introduced himself as Chad, and asked Harry to sit down. After one last smile at Remus, he did.

Chad chatted with Harry as he wheeled him through the hospital. He was nineteen, and was working this job while he trained to be a healer.

After an awkward silence Harry saw Chad glancing at his bandages. He shifted uncomfortably. "You don't have to stare..." he mumbled.

Chad blushed "Umm... I'm sorry I didn't mean to... I just"

Harry shrugged "It's fine, it's kind of fair to stare..."

Chad shrugged as he leaned against the elevator wall. "Why did you do it?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know... a lot of things... my life is crap and I didn't want to wake up anymore."

Chad nodded sympathetically, "I get that a bit, I'm sorry your life got so bad..."

Harry laughed "don't be, my life has always been bad... it actually finally started to get better this summer. That's when things got hard." He glanced at teen "When your life has always been crap you don't know any better, but once you see how it's supposed to be it's harder to live in your regular crap life."

Chad nodded in understanding, but didn't comment. A few moments later they arrived at the psych unit and Chad signed off his papers and waved goodbye before disappearing to go do his job.

The psych ward was just as terrifying as Harry had imagined it. Once he had stepped out of the wheel chair a nurse greeted him and led him through a heavy door that thudded shut ominously. The nurse smiled and motioned for Harry to step into a small exam room across the hall from the door. "Come in here Harry, we'll get your intake done, then I'll show you around our unit."

The nurse seemed nice, her name was Jennifer. At first, she just took his vital signs and asked him some questions about being in pain or anything like that. Once those questions were over, she started asking about how he was feeling. After that she had to search him and his bag.

That part was a lot harder, but once it was over Jennifer offered to show him around the unit, and promised he would have a little time to rest before dinner. Harry along nodded silently, he was feeling weird again, and he wasn't sure he would remember anything that she said, but he smiled and nodded anyway.

Jennifer prattled along as she walked him up and down the unit, it was just one big long hallway, and most of the rooms were patient rooms. The unit was for teenagers, so the youngest patient there now was eleven, and the oldest was seventeen. Harry would be rooming with another boy his own age. There was a nurse's station in the middle of the hall, which was also where the door and the exam rooms were. There were two exam rooms, that was where the therapists and other doctors met with patients when they came to see them.

There was one rec room, and one dining room, they were at opposite ends of the hall. After She had shown Harry all of this, she offered to show him to his room. "I don't see Dray out here, so he must be in the room right now" she said as she led Harry to one of the rooms near the nursing station.

When Harry walked into the room his stomach dropped.

"Dray, come meet your new roommate!" Jennifer called obliviously.

Draco turned around and his jaw almost hit the floor. "Harry?"

Harry just stood there in the doorway, he wanted to run, but he was suddenly very aware of the locked door between him and freedom.

"Oh, you two know each other?" Jennifer said happily.

Harry was shaking his head now and backing out of the room. "No, no, this is where I draw the line... this can't be real..."He was saying quietly.

Now Jennifer looked concerned. "Hey, Harry... Harry, talk to me, what's wrong?"

Draco was actually helpful for the first time since Harry had met him. "We know each other from school..." he said quietly. "I don't think he wants to room with me."

Jennifer glanced at Draco, then nodded. "Okay, Harry... we need to talk about this, take a deep breath,"

Harry nodded "I'm okay... I can't room with him though, I just can't."

Jennifer glanced between them and sighed "Well, I can look at the room assignments, if it's really that much of a problem... But I think that the only other male room open is Lenny's"

Draco made a face "He talks all night and pees on the wall."

Harry shuddered, that sounded awful, but he wasn't sure which would be worse.

Jennifer shrugged "It's up to you Harry, but I've got to say... we respect each other's privacy here... so if that's what you're worried about, we take that very seriously. And I'm sure Draco wants his business to remain private just as much as you do. Maybe you two could work out some ground rules to make this work?"

Harry glanced at Draco uncertainly. He didn't really look like himself, he looked nervous and sad... Maybe it wouldn't be horrible. And he already knew he was here... so, it didn't really matter anymore.

"Fine, we can try it." he muttered

Jennifer smiled "Great! I'll leave you two to get acquainted, let me know if you need anything." And with that she was gone.

Harry stood awkwardly in the doorway for a while.

Draco sighed and plopped down onto his bed by the window. "You can come in, I won't bite..."

Harry nodded and awkwardly walked into the room and stiffly sat on the bed by the door.

Draco sighed and shrugged, "this doesn't have to be awkward Harry... we'll just set up some ground rules and it will be fine."

Harry nodded, "Right, ground rules."

"What happens here, stays here..." Draco said quickly "If you ever tell anyone that you saw me here I will..."

Harry nodded "don't worry, I don't want anyone knowing either." he took a deep breath "No questions... we don't have to be friends... We don't need to talk and hear about each other's life stories... we're just roommates."

Draco nodded "Sounds fair, anything else?" Neither of them could think of one, so they agreed on it and it was over. After a moment Harry stood and put his bag in the closet. After a few minutes of silence Harry finished with the closet and came back to sit on the bed. "So, are there a lot of other kids here?"

Draco shrugged. "A bunch of teens, with you I think there are twelve of us on the unit... but it varies, some kids are here for weeks and some only stay for a few days."

Harry nodded awkwardly. "Any other kids from Hogwarts?"

Draco nodded. "A few, Carrie is a hufflepuff in sixth year, and Lisa is a ravenclaw first year, most of the others go to other schools."

Harry cocked his head. "I didn't know there were other magical schools in the area?"

Draco shrugged, "They aren't like Hogwarts... it's more like an after-school program, the kids go to muggle school and then the magic school in the afternoon. It's mostly half-bloods who aren't very talented, or whose parents don't want them away from home. They aren't really part of the magical community, but they end up coming here when they are crazy because of the risk of accidental magic on a muggle psych unit."

Harry nodded awkwardly, he was glad there weren't too many Hogwarts students here at least.

Draco stood and motioned towards the door "It's time for dinner, come on they get annoyed when we are late." Harry shrugged and followed Draco down the hall. When they got into the dining room Draco headed towards a table that two girls and a boy were sitting at. Harry hung back awkwardly until one of the girls noticed him.

"Who's your friend Dray?" She asked as she winked at Harry.

Harry blushed, and Draco rolled his eyes. "Harry, don't be weird... just come sit with us." He snapped.

Harry did as he was told, sitting next to the winking girl, and wishing the seats were farther apart.

Draco pointed to each of the people at the table. "Lauren: cutting, Denis: suicide, and Lucy: bipolar"

Harry stared at them awkwardly, a bit stunned by Draco's blunt introductions. "Um, hi I guess..."

Draco chuckled "this is Harry" he paused and glanced at Harry's arms "Suicide... I'm guessing… Anyway, he goes to Hogwarts with me."

Lucy grabbed his arm energetically " Wow, Hogwarts? I've always wanted to go there! It must be so amazing! I can't imagine why anyone who got to go to Hogwarts would want to kill themselves..." She didn't say it judgmentally, but Harry blushed all the same.

"Well, it's a bit more complicated than that..." He said quietly.

Draco glared at her "yeah Luc, going to a good school doesn't fix all your problems."

Lucy was going to retort back, but before she could the aides walked in with their dinners and started calling out names. When each name was called the patient raised their hand, and the aide brought them their tray.

"We each get a personalized meal" she whispered to Harry "they have most of us on special diets to gain or lose weight. And you aren't allowed to trade food or anything."

Harry just nodded awkwardly, unsure what she wanted him to say. When his tray finally arrived, it was filled with the same meal as everyone else, but also had a protein shake on it. He turned to the aide in confusion. "Um, why do I have this? I don't need a protein shake..."

The aide shrugged "we just hand them out, you can ask your nurse later."

Harry glanced at Draco, who shook his head quietly. "I won't drink it." He said, pushing it away from him.

The aide sighed and rolled her eyes "fine, I'll get your nurse now." She muttered.

A few minutes later Jennifer appeared at Harry's side. He hadn't touched his plate. "Hey kid, what seems to be the problem?"

Harry bit his lip awkwardly, he hated causing trouble, and calling attention to himself. "I don't want this shake, I don't need it."

Jennifer nodded "Well, we have a dietician who works with your doctor to set your meals while you're here. And they felt that you needed to gain some weight... They want you to drink one shake a day to help you catch back up."

Harry shook his head "I don't want it, and I don't need it." He said firmly

Jennifer nodded again "Okay Harry, we can't force you to drink it, but they'll keep showing up on your plate. You can just leave them there if you don't want them."

Harry took a deep breath and nodded again. He hardly touched his dinner, and the aide gave him a look as he turned in his tray, but no one said anything.

After dinner most of the patients headed to the lounge. Harry watched them go, then awkwardly headed to his room. He wasn't here to make friends, and he didn't feel like chatting anyway.

Jennifer came and found him after about ten minutes. "How ya doing kid?"

Harry jumped a bit, then curled up tighter on his bed. "I'm fine" He muttered quietly.

Jennifer frowned, and came into the room more. "The first night is always hard, you want to talk about it?"

Harry shrugged, hating how silly and weak he felt. "Nothing to talk about, I just don't want to be here."

Jennifer nodded "I know, but it's not as bad as it may seem. Why don't you go hang out with the other kids?"

Harry shrugged awkwardly "I don't know..."

She smiled "Harry, every single one of those teens out there has been in your position at some point. I know it's hard to be the new kid in the group, but you might find that they are actually really nice. They know what you're going through."

Harry shrugged, feeling like his chest might burst, like tears would spill over any minute. He had done enough stupid things over the past few days, he was not going to cry because he was alone. "What if they recognize me?" He asked quietly.

Jennifer smiled and patted his arm "Harry, all of the kids who are here are here because they couldn't keep themselves safe in the outside world. Everyone here wants what happens here to stay private. I know it's hard, and you probably feel embarrassed... but we take privacy very seriously here. You aren't going to go around telling people who you saw here, and they aren't either."

Harry sighed and nodded "Fine, I'll go, but I'm not talking to anyone."