The insane tales of MLP
chapter 30
xxxxxxxxxxxx
*dream like music.*
Love...it's a wonderful thing, everyone has it on their hearts and it comes in many ways. Such as a love for drinking maple syrup from the bottle. A love for watching people be complete idiots. Then again, no love can ever beat, the feeling of falling in love.
"Hey Big Mac, did you want to say to me?" Asked Cheerilee.
"Well...how can I say this? After spending more and more time with you after that...ha ha...love poison my sister and her friends put us on, I wondering, if you'd like to try for real?"
"Oh...sorry big guy, but I'm not into you."
"What?"
"Yeah, I've only saw you as a friend...infact, my date should be here to pick me up any minute, see yah."
And like that, Big Mac fell to the ground. 'I can't believe it.'
And so after that, Big Mac tried on another mare, but every time he'd be rejected by them! Over and over and over, until one day...
"Morning Big Mac." Applejack greeted. "Ready to find again?"
"Nnope!"
"Yer givin' up? Wow, never thought I'd ever hear that."
"*groan* Sis, I'm tired of being rejected, so today...I'm giving up on finding love! I'm through!"
"That's a pretty big promise to keep."
"It is, but if they're just gonna keep on saying no, then I've had it!"
Meanwhile several thousand feet below sea level...
"Hmm..." Hummed a giant snake/falcon like creature with hands and feet. "Huh?!" He then looked around. "Hey everyone! our 1000 year sleep is over!"
The others didn't hear. That's when he raised his rattle tail. "I said...WAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!" His eagle like yell amplified with the rattle awakened the other 4 creatures.
"Is it really?" Asked a steel golem with a mouth and nothing else for it's head.
"You couldn't wait 5 more minutes?" Complained an anthro bunnycat creature in a red and black bikini.
"*Roooaaar!* Finally, my dream training is complete!" Shouted a man with blade like claws.
"Uhh...master Bloodbath? It's time to wake-up?"
No response from the dragon/vampire/insect crossbreed with a giant sword.
"Master Bloodbath, MASTER BLOO..." That's when a huge blast of energy destroyed the Snake/Eagle!
"Finally, I got rid of that alarm clock called Scalethers." He then sat up. "Roll call Rock Teeth!"
"Here sir!" Said the golem with only a mouth.
"Killer Guy!"
"Here sir!" Said the human with blade claws.
"Cumbath!"
"Present! " Said the anthro Bunnycat.
"Alright my Zozo, let us begin our attack on the surface world and send someone up to instill fear!"
"Ha! I know just who for this job!" Said Killer Guy. "Cheap Shot!"
Then a demonic basketball player appeared.
"Cause fear up in the surface, and bring a platoon of Shockers with you!"
Cheap shot saluted and was off!
We now cut back with Big Mac. The poor fella was walking down Ponyville but that's when...
"Hey Big Mac, I want your big mac!" Said a mare.
"Say what?"
"Hey Big Macintosh, want to be my living sex toy?"
"Uh..."
Then lots more mares began swarming him!
'Why are they all swarming me all of the sudden? Usually, they show severe disinterest!' He thought before breaking through the crowd.
"Get him!" cried one of the mares.
"What is going on?!"
Pinkie was just skipping her merrily way until Big Mac ran past.
"Woo hoo! I'm in love!"
Twilight and Spike were busy testing a spell.
"Steady Spike, on mistake and..." She then accidentally shot her spell at Spike too early! "Welp, have fun being a girl forever, I need me some Big Mac!"
"Dammit Twilight, *sigh* at least I'm sexy."
Derpy was just making deliveries until Big Mac ran by.
"Ooh, come here you hunk!"
Mjolna was just hammering away at a loose nail until Big Mac ran bye!
"Hey you! Jackhammer my vagina!"
Big Mac was then chased by Pinkie, Twilight, Derpy, and Mjolna, leaving every other love struck character in the dust, but that's when a griffin appeared.
"STOP!"
All of them skidded to a stop. Then all 4 were surrounding Mac. One on his back, one nibbled his ear, another kissed his cheek and one was hugging him.
"You may be wondering what is going, well, I know what's happened."
"What is it?" asked Big Mac.
"You sir, have the spirit of the 'undeniably attractive'! You gave up on love, which is what caused it to awaken, and now every female of your species wants to get with you! Which is the reason for this!"
"For what?"
"To form a team that will save the world!"
All 5 then looked at him.
"Save the world?" Asked Pinkie.
"Yes!"
"How?" Asked Twilight.
"Oh, the 1st threat to the earth shall come in about...now!"
Then a flaming basket ball zipped past the old griffin and exploded as soon as it hit a wall! They all turned to see a demonic basketball player.
"Pe..wait...PONIES OF THE SURFACE! I AM CHEAP SHOT, A MINION TO MASTER BLOODBATH!" He announced. "We intend to turn this world into a poisonous paradise! So, yeah...prepare to die! Get them shockers!"
Then yellow and blue humanoid creatures with taser hands came out of the ground and attacked the citizens!
"You five must protect them!"
"You heard the old griffin." Said Mjolna. "Let's..."
"Wait! Before you go take these Haremizers!" He then handed them all devices, each corresponding to their color."Transform with these and you'll become 32 times faster and stronger!"
"Sweet!" beamed Pinkie.
"How do these work?" Asked Derpy.
"Flip it open, press your number, then press the enter button and then say Harem Henshin! That is all for now, I'm gonna go hide!"
Then Cheap Shot started throwing basketballs again!
"Yean! Run you..."
"Hey!"
"What the? Why aren't you 5 running from this carnage?"
"Because, we're the 5 who're gonna kick your flank!" Big Mac announced.
"Haremizers!" All 5 said.
Big Mac pressed one and then enter then a voice came from the device saying: "Master it!" Next was Pinkie who pressed 2 the voice said: "Party it!" Then Twilight pressed 3 with the voice saying: "Magic it!" Derpy then pressed 4 with the voice saying: "Derp it!" And finally Mjolna with 5 and the voice saying: "Hit it!"
"Harem Henshin!"
Then there was a huge flash of light!
Cheap Shot covered his eyes as the light died down. "What the?"
"Red Master!"
"Harem Pink!"
"Harem Purple!"
"Harem Grey!"
"Harem CHOCOLATE!" She shouted while lightning fell around her!
"Lovers Sentai: Haremranger!" Then all of them posed as explosions happened from behind.
"You're obviously trying to make me look stupid, so I'll just kill you for it! Let's get them shockers!" Then Cheap Shot jumped down off the roof.
The shockers ran at the team.
"Alright babes, fight!" Big Mac said as they all ran at them back.
Big Mac then punched a shocker! Twilight then shot one with her magic! Pinkie then hit one with her party cannon! Derpy got another by throwing a muffin! Mjolna then hit them with her own Mjolnir and finished off the rest with her lightning!
"You're so OP and we haven't made it to the 6th Ranger yet." Pinkie said.
"Thanks."
"You won't' win!"
That's when Cheap Shot jumped into the air! Held up a basketball, and as he came down, it got bigger! "Sundown Slam Dunk!" And then he threw the giant ball down! Causing the team to be sent flying!
Each one hit the ground as Cheap Shot laughed outloud.
"Now have some more!" He said as more basketballs struck them!
"Haremrangers! Fight back with your Cube Grenades!" The old griffin told them.
"We have bombs?!" That's when all 5 pulled out cube shaped explosives and threw them at Cheap Shot.
"Ah! Ooh! This is an unexpected development!"
"Awesome!" cried Harem Grey.
"Now's your chance Haremrangers! Press 6 and then you'll activate the finisher!"
They all pressed 6 on the Haremizers with the device saying: Finish it!
Then Celestia appeared with a giant bazooka. "Finally, I've been waiting for 100 years to give this to the successors. Have fun!" Then Celestia left them.
All 5 held on to the bazooka! "Harem Ultra Gun!"
Then all 5 aimed and fired at Cheap Shot!
"Aw, what a cute name for a-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Cheap Shot shouted as he was blasted dead!
"Yeah!"
"Whoa! They won!" Said Rock Teeth.
"Yes...but not for long...Cumbath?"
"Yes Master Bloodbath?"
"Please revive Cheap Shot for me."
"Right on it!" She came out of the ground!
"What the?"
"Okay Cheap Shot, ready for one more round?" She said before kissing the corpse on the lips! She then dug back down as Cheap Shot woke-up and got bigger!
"Hahahahahahahaha! You're in for it now!"
"Haremrangers! Press 7 to summon your robots!"
"We have robots?!"
And then they pressed 7, summoning the robots!
They heard loud rumbling as the robots ran to the area. Big Mac got into the Red Dragon, Pinkie got into the Pink Alligator, Twilight got into the Purple Owl, Derpy got into the Grey Wolf and Mjolna got into the Brown Bear!
"Let's beat this guy up!" Said Big Mac! All 5 then began attacking!
"Ah! Ah! Mega Shockers! Help me out here!"
Then giant versions of Shockers with Catfish whiskers appeared. All of them ran at the bots. The whiskers tried to sting the robots but then Twilight used her owl's machine gun and gunned them down!
"Press 8 and then fuse 2 robots with the red dragon!" the old griffin said!
"Threesome Combination!"
Then Pinkie's alligator split into 2 halves with the bottom as the legs! Twilight's owl's wings and head retracted and became the torso! Big Mac's dragon then became the head and arms! The owl head became the right shoulder, the head of the gator as the left shoulder and the middle dragon head became the helmet for a more humanoid face!
"Harem-king!" All 3 shouted!
"Wait! What about us?" Asked Mjolna.
"You're alternates."
"Aw-man!"
"You won't beat me again!" Then he dribbled the ball causing earthquakes with each bounce!
Harem King ran at him. "Fire Punch!" Then Harem King's hand ignited and he struck Cheap Shot!
"Gh..."
"Confetti Wave!" Then a blast of confetti hit Cheap Shot!
"Grah!"
"Chest Machine Gun!" Then the chest opened up causing a painful bulletstorm upon Cheap Shot!
"Now to finish this off!"
Derpy's Wolf and Mjolna's Bear then formed a ball! The Harem King then jumped into the air with the ball!
"Meteor Kick!"
He kicked the ball straight at Cheap Shot. Then Cheap Shot died for good!
"Great job babes!"
Then they team changed back to normal.
"You 5 did amazing, but this is just the beginning!"
"Don't worry, we'll keep fighting old guy!" And then the 5 cuddled up to him. "But for now..."
Then Big Mac took all 4 back to his room!